What do you do when you're in a relationship that's slowly growing, and then suddenly you get broken up with?

Hello girl! You did nothing wrong. You are good enough for anyone who treats you right. It's clear that he is not good enough for you.

You deserve better than to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't feel worthy of you. It's better to avoid more and deeper hurt in the future by ending the relationship now. If he's not confident in your relationship, he'll easily feel inferior, and that will provoke his narcissistic frustration. He'll get angry and attack you in a cold and violent manner. You should be glad that you broke up with him.

He was attracted to you for a reason. He wanted to be close to you, just as the moon relies on the light of the sun. Being close to you made him glow. But he was insecure and afraid of the light. He admired the light but was afraid of it once he got close to it. That's why he left.

He had the nerve to break up with you without even having the courage to say it to your face. He's a weakling.

Ask yourself: were you hooked because of the qualities that attracted you in him, or were you simply hooked because his pursuit made you feel seen, appreciated, and cherished? If it's the latter, you didn't love him at all. You were just in love with the feeling of being cherished by him. This is part of your narcissism, and we all need this feeling. When he broke up with you, it was equivalent to taking away this feeling. This is perhaps where you feel angry, as if I have become someone who is not cherished again. Your narcissism has been thwarted!

Don't use someone else's black pen to draw a black dot on yourself. You are still you, and you are still as good as you were in the past. Move on and find the painter who can paint a lot of excitement on you and also paint more excitement on you!

Good morning.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that love is based on the mutual consent of both parties. However, if one party chooses to leave for some other reason, it is also a respectable idea. It may be beneficial to explore why the other party is unable to accept this, as this can sometimes result in a painful tug-of-war. This may have to do with the attitude of both parties towards their relationship and their outlook on love.

Could it be that you're holding on to the other person, or is it that you're feeling unsatisfied after giving your all?

Ultimately, it seems that the other person has already expressed a desire to end the relationship, but the questioner is struggling to accept this. This may be related to the other person's tendency to handle emotions in a somewhat abrupt and self-centered manner. Not communicating, not expressing, and avoiding notice can often lead to feelings of mental distress in the other person, which can in turn make it challenging for the questioner to navigate the transition from being in love to breaking up. This can result in feelings of resentment and anger, as well as a sense of estrangement and frustration towards the other person. These are understandable emotions.

The period of intense love in a relationship usually lasts from three months to a year. When the period of intense love turns into a period of calm, it may be helpful to pay attention to any shortcomings that have arisen on both sides, as the relationship may be entering a period of adjustment. If the relationship between the questioner and the other person has changed during the period of intense love, it may be beneficial to consider whether there have been any conflicts in terms of personality, values, and other thoughts and concepts. If the other person has the idea of wanting to leave, it may be helpful to explore the reasons behind this. If it is during the period of intense love and the other person proposes to break up, and the situation mentioned by the questioner is impulsively getting together, it may be helpful to reflect on whether the other person fully considered the implications of their decision. This could help to identify any underlying issues in the relationship that may have contributed to the decision.

However, it is important to remember that the other person's decision does not diminish your self-worth. You have the right to form your own independent judgment and to decide whether or not to accept the other person's subjective evaluation. Falling in love is a willingness to try to be with the other person out of goodwill. When the two parties try to be together, if they cannot agree, they can choose to leave. Marriage, on the other hand, requires a different level of commitment and responsibility.

It is often the case that disappointment in intimate relationships stems from high expectations of each other. When expectations are not met, it can lead to feelings of hurt and loss for one party. This is a common challenge that arises when an idealized relationship returns to reality and the two parties are unable to accept each other.

It is also worth noting that if one rushes into a relationship and then chooses to separate, and if one still does not respect and care for the other person's feelings, this could be a sign of a lack of responsibility, cultivation, and maturity on the other person's part, as well as immaturity in various aspects of their outlook on life. Since the problem may lie more with the other person, and since the person who doesn't respect the relationship is also the other person, this could indicate that separation may be the best way to stop the problem in time.

Once you've left the idealized fantasy period of a relationship and returned to reality, when the two of you are truly together, it's important to remember that the most truthful response from the other person is the voice from within their heart. Learning to listen and then giving your own true inner response can be beneficial. Just going with the flow, respecting each other, and allowing your relationship to evolve naturally can help foster a sense of respect.

I hope this finds you well.

Hello, I'm Erhu. I empathize with you and hope you can find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I wish you the best in finding happiness again.

From your description, it seems that initially he was quite attentive and pursued you, but then his attitude shifted. Could you perhaps recall why he changed his attitude?

I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you had any arguments? Have you done something to make him angry?

It might be worth considering whether he met someone before his attitude suddenly changed.

If you say something you shouldn't or do something that makes him angry, you may notice a change in his attitude. If so, you might consider apologizing to him and discussing a solution to the problem.

If he did not "suddenly change his attitude in front of you," it may be worth considering the possibility that he listened to the opinions of others and felt that the two of you were not suitable.

It's possible that this person could be his parents, a sibling, or even some comments on the internet that made him feel that the two of you are not a good match.

If this is the case, it may be challenging to get him to change his mind unless he comes to his senses on his own.

It is possible that he has formed a certain argument in his mind and is now convinced of its correctness. This may result in him seeking out evidence that supports his ideas while ignoring evidence that does not align with them or that can refute them. This could be akin to someone who has been brainwashed, who is unable to see the truth.

Perhaps we could discuss the reasons why you are in this position?

At first, he was very affectionate towards you, but then his attitude suddenly changed. At this time, you may wish to consider going back to the way things were and hoping for more of his attention.

Perhaps it's more akin to a dependence and habit than love.

His attitude shifted unexpectedly, yet you continued to rely on him to a significant extent. You may find yourself investing more effort than usual to maintain this reliance, appearing more "well-behaved and sensible" than before, and engaging in behaviors to please him.

It could be said that this is also the reason why you later paid more and more attention to this relationship, which gradually made you feel a little upset about it.

It seems that, while you are "on top," he is deliberately "on the bottom." You mentioned that, in the end, he would avoid and not see you. It appears that he is doing this to pull the psychological distance between him and you apart by ignoring you and not seeing you. After you have been away from him for a long time and stopped investing in the relationship as much as you do now, it's possible that your feelings for him will gradually fade.

I would gently encourage you not to worry too much and to try not to be so obsessed. Whether it's because you did something to upset him, or because he listened to someone else's advice, you will slowly let go of this relationship. It might take another week, or another month, or perhaps it will take a little longer, but you will eventually let go of your obsession with him and return to the way you were at the beginning.

Hello, questioner!

When I read what you wrote about needing a reason to convince me, it really resonated with me! I was exactly the same as you are now. When a relationship ends, you feel the need to find a reason to convince yourself that it was for the best. You feel that it shouldn't be like this, and you wonder why it happened. You really can't accept it, and sometimes you feel like you're on the verge of a breakdown. But you'll get through this! Hugs!

Sometimes it's really hard to explain things in relationships. At the beginning, it was clear that they were the ones chasing after us, but we can't say that we didn't feel anything at all. It really makes no sense. At the beginning, they were so sincere, right? We feel that we haven't changed, not only have we not changed, we feel that we have done a much better job than when we first started going out. We always feel that we should be the one to bring them the most happiness in their life, but then they just leave. For the person who is stuck in the relationship, it really makes no sense. But we're excited to find out why!

I can also say that as a person who has been there, I really didn't want to be convinced back then. But I really went further and further away! In fact, the reason for being convinced is that we don't accept it. But other people feel that we should be convinced of every reason they put forward. This is really hard to meet our requirements!

Now, for you who are facing difficulties, I'm thrilled to share my views based on my personal experience!

First, from now on, you have to try to accept that he really is not the same person who pursued you in the beginning. We know that, as men, his original character is passionate, and what goes fast comes fast. We as women are slow to warm up, and when we do, we become persistent. This is the difference between men and women, especially when it comes to dating for the first time. You have to see this difference now and be able to accept it. From the beginning, you have to slowly walk away from her behavior and look at the things he did and the things he said when he was heartless. For example, if you want to solve a problem, he always stays out of it and lets someone else bring the message. He has already changed. If we say that we are still stuck in the past, then the only one who will suffer is ourselves. But you can change that!

Second, let's reflect on ourselves. How did we get to this situation step by step in the process of getting along with him? We mainly look at our own changes and what has happened to the pattern of getting along with him. It's an amazing journey!

Let's not let him say that we have no common topics or points of intersection, that it will be awkward, etc.! Let's look for the reasons within ourselves. To be honest, we really can't change a person, as we said. It's not easy to take money out of someone's pocket, and it's not easy to put ideas into someone's head, so let's reflect more on ourselves and make some adjustments!

Next, I really hope that on the basis of your reflection, you can gain some enlightenment. What is the enlightenment? It is that we absolutely must learn to love ourselves!

When I read what you wrote, that every time you ask her out she says no, I feel so sorry for you. At the beginning, he doted on you like a child, but now how can she bear to refuse to rely on this child of hers? It's clear that he really doesn't have a heart for empathy. And you say she's all over the place. I think it must be a character flaw on his part. If he can't even be a competent parent, the more childlike we are, the more he'll probably run away from us!

Think about it! When a child asks for something from their parents and the parents get angry, they just hit or scold the child. But children grow up gradually, so why do they have to be treated that way? We can do better! We can persuade ourselves to love and care for ourselves, to satisfy ourselves, to stop being children, and to become adults again through this incident.

I truly believe that with the passage of time, the suffering you have endured today will become a resource for your future life. The tears you shed today will be followed by a smile in the future. This is an amazing experience for your growth! Our future maturity is a process that we must go through to make our lives more and more beautiful. I am telling you this from the bottom of my heart based on my past experiences, and I want you to know that I really understand what you're going through. Now when I think back to that suffering, I can say that the more painful it was back then, the more relaxed I feel now. I am especially grateful for the breakup back then. If he had not been so heartless, I would not be living such a relaxed life today, and I am so happy about that!

So, go for it! You can do this! When you have solved this problem through your own abilities, you will be stronger and have the judgment to make your future life better and better.

I really hope you enjoy the beauty of love with the one who is most compatible with you!

The world and I love you!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From what I can see, the questioner is experiencing a great deal of distress and frustration in this relationship. It's as if they've lost their sense of peace and stability. It's a shame that things didn't work out between them and the other person. It seems that the questioner had invested a great deal of themselves in this relationship, only to find that it was suddenly over.

It's a wonderful thing when you don't have it, but it's also important to cherish it when you do. Initially, he was very kind to the questioner, so it's surprising that they eventually grew apart. Could a misunderstanding have occurred between you that affected your relationship?

Or perhaps they discovered differences in their preferences and expectations as they got to know each other better?

Could the relationship pattern be improved?

The questioner and the other person had a very good relationship at the beginning, and the other person also showed great affection towards the questioner. As the questioner gradually invested in the relationship, they became more and more dependent on the other person.

As the questioner mentioned, it's natural to feel a strong attachment to someone at first. This is because our bodies produce certain hormones during the early stages of a relationship, which can make us feel particularly attached and in love. These feelings are often accompanied by a surge of dopamine, which can make us feel happy and excited. However, it's important to recognize that staying in this state for too long can have negative effects on our bodies. Our brains are designed to send signals that help us adjust and move towards a more balanced state. This is why the initial excitement and attachment often give way to other stages of love.

The questioner said that, because the other person was so kind to them, they relied on him a great deal. In the process of this dependence, might they have crossed the other person's acceptable limits? They were unsure how to continue handling this kind of relationship with the questioner, so they chose to end it with the questioner.

It would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of the other person.

When the other party informed the questioner of the problems between them, the questioner was eager to work together with the other party to find a solution. However, the other party seemed reluctant to engage and even sought to replace the questioner when it came to breaking up.

From the other person's behavior, it seems that they are afraid to communicate with the questioner directly. They avoid solving problems and resort to evasive behavior, which could indicate a lack of responsibility. If this is the other person's character and personality, then in the course of getting along, the questioner may experience a range of emotions, including hope and despair. When things are good, they can be very good, but when they are heartless, they will immediately withdraw, leaving people unprepared.

This could be a good time to get to know the other person better. You might want to consider whether you should let go or try to salvage the relationship, based on how they handle things.

It seems that the breakup was something that was planned in advance.

Initially, they lavish attention on the questioner, but when they sense the questioner's reliance on them, they withdraw. This dynamic may reflect a tendency for some individuals to encourage their partners to become more independent, which can sometimes result in a sense of blame when the desired outcome isn't achieved. When women express a desire to end a relationship, it's not uncommon for them to be seeking a change in their partner's behavior. In contrast, when men say they want to break up, it's often because they've been considering it for some time.

Perhaps the questioner's current emotion is more one of unwillingness. Even if the two of you can't be together, it might be helpful to at least make it clear to each other face-to-face or in person. From this point on, it's important to recognize that there is a difference in the three views of the other person and the questioner. It might be beneficial to try to let yourself go back to a normal life.

1. Allow yourself to grieve: When we are sad, crying can help us release our emotions. We grieve not for the other person, but for ourselves, who have given our heart but have been let down. Give yourself some time to grieve, and promise yourself that after a while you will put these negative emotions behind you. By being happy on your own, you can show the other person that it is not that we cannot live without each other, but that we are just more willing to believe in love.

2. Distraction: Does the questioner enjoy doing handicrafts? In your spare time, you might consider engaging in an enriching activity like DIY handicrafts. Following instructions and working with your hands can be a great way to fill your time and leave you with a sense of accomplishment. When you're finished, you'll probably feel a sense of pride and joy. This process can be a wonderful way to distract us.

Some people appear only as temporary figures in our lives. Their purpose may be to teach us to mature. It may be helpful to consider that the actions of others cannot affect us for life.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

Hello, questioner! My name is Jia Ao, and I don't intend to cause any trouble.

After carefully reading the problems and confusions you have described in your relationship on the platform, it seems that you are currently in a relationship that is making you feel conflicted and miserable. At first, he pursued you, and you impulsively got together. At the beginning, it was full of good things. He was very good to you and spoiled you, and you became very dependent on him. You treated this relationship very seriously, but his sudden change caught you off guard. He said that he had no common topics or common interests with you, that he didn't get along well with you, that he began to avoid you and refuse your invitations, and that he never took the initiative to solve the problems between you. Even the breakup was relayed by someone else. You are very hurt inside and find it hard to believe the reasons he gave. You feel that his actions were particularly irresponsible towards your relationship. How should you proceed?

From what you've told me, it seems like you and your partner were together for a while, and then he suddenly broke up with you. It's not clear to me why this happened. I'm wondering if there were any common topics or reasons for interaction that you discussed that might have led to this change in his feelings. It seems like he was very attentive and loving towards you, so I'm curious to understand what might have led to this shift in his behaviour.

I must admit, I'm struggling to comprehend this. Could it be that all men are irresponsible in relationships?

It is also possible that you may find yourself in a relationship that is gradually becoming more serious, only to be suddenly broken up with.

Let me assist you in analyzing and sorting things out.

1. It might be helpful to accept your emotions as they are.

It's natural to feel a range of intense emotions when a relationship ends. It's not easy to remain calm and rational in the face of such a breakup. It's important to accept your emotions as they are, take care of your emotions and feelings first, and then think about what to do next.

Could the situation that caused the breakup be partly your own fault? That might explain why you're so angry and hurt. They were so good to you at the beginning, so it's understandable why you'd be upset when they seem to dislike you now.

It might be helpful to consider your own role in the situation and how your actions may have influenced the other person's decision. It's possible that in romantic relationships, it's often easier to fall in love than to maintain a long-lasting and stable connection. If you're committed to preserving the relationship, it's important to recognize that short-lived feelings of affection may not be a reliable indicator of its future. Shared interests and a similar social circle can often be more conducive to fostering a long-lasting bond.

2. [Promote healthy communication]

It is important to establish effective communication between you, regardless of the situation. He is currently avoiding and evading, which is understandable. However, it is crucial to identify the root cause of the problem and find a solution. You may wish to consider contacting him directly or communicating face-to-face. It would be beneficial to have an open and honest conversation about your true inner desires. If you want to get back together, it is important to be flexible and adapt to the situation. Based on his current attitude, it may not be possible to force the situation, but he may be open to a good breakup. It is also important for you to let go in a healthy way. As the saying goes, "a forced melon is not sweet." You have experienced this situation and can offer valuable insight.

It's possible that his sudden change of indifference and various evasions are because of something that happened between you that made him unwilling to face it honestly, or because this guy is not of good character. No matter what the reason is, such a way of doing things is unconvincing. Therefore, it might be helpful to try to establish effective communication as soon as possible, find out his true thoughts, and guide him to tell you the real reason for wanting to break up. This could also help you to get over it better.

3. [It would be beneficial to learn to love yourself well.]

No matter what the outcome is, it is important to remember to love and take care of yourself, and to work hard to become strong inside. Even if you do break up, it is not the end of the world. You are losing someone who does not love you very much, but they are losing much more. It is not necessary to be sad and upset over a man who does not know how to cherish you. It is important to believe in your beauty and your goodness, and to recognize that you deserve better people and things. If, in the end, communication really does not work, it may be helpful to try to let go of the relationship and the person, and to find something you like to do to take your mind off it. With time, you may find that you slowly forget about it all, and that things get better and better. I wish you all the best.

I hope my answer is helpful. Best wishes, Love,

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the body's greatest treasure.

From what you've said, I can tell you're feeling resentful, upset, dissatisfied, sad, and overwhelmed.

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of your emotional issues here, but I do have three pieces of advice for you:

First, I suggest you try to understand and accept your current situation.

Doing so will help you feel a bit better and think more clearly about what to do next.

You said he chased you and you got together on the spur of the moment. At first, he was really nice to you, but you started to annoy him and he avoided you. Time and time again, he rejected your invitations and always found someone else to help you out. Even the breakup was relayed by someone else. You feel that he is very irresponsible and are a bit dissatisfied. You need a reason that will convince you. In fact, if someone else were in your shoes, they would most likely be in the same situation as you. In an intimate relationship, the person who is willing to spend time and energy facing problems and solving them may suddenly be broken up with, which can be hard to accept. They want a reasonable explanation. So you have to try to understand yourself and comfort yourself. "Seeing" the painful part of yourself that wants a convincing reason but can't get it for the time being will take your mind off things. Otherwise, your brain will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

More importantly, if you can understand and accept yourself, you'll be able to make changes in your current situation. I know it sounds a bit contradictory, but that's how it works: you have to allow for change in order to make it happen.

Secondly, I suggest you take a step back and look at the situation rationally.

Rational thinking can help you understand yourself and reality better.

Take a step back and look at it rationally. I want you to do the following three things:

It's important to understand that managing a relationship requires the input of both parties and that it's something that should be done willingly.

Simply put, even if you're trying to cope and resolve the situation, if he's always avoiding it, you have to accept the reality. After all, relationships require the joint efforts of two people and are a matter for the two of you, not just one person.

Second, remember that relationships are always changing because people change.

I'm telling you this because I don't want you to dwell on the fact that he pursued you, and now he's breaking up with you. He's a person who can change.

Third, remember that you can change the status quo.

When you take the initiative, your mindset and the dynamic of your relationship with him will shift, and it's likely that the negative emotions you're experiencing will gradually dissipate. It's important to recognize your own strength and the power of time.

I'd say you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to feel better.

For instance, you could go straight to him and have a good chat to see if he can give you a reason that will convince you. Of course, when you talk to him, you need to be careful about the way you do it. You could try to put yourself in his shoes and try to understand him. Start sentences with "I" and talk about your feelings. This will help you communicate better. If he is unwilling to meet and talk, you could tell him what you want to say over the phone or in a text message. Then he may be able to give you a reason, and your mood may be better.

If he still acts the same way after you've talked to him, you can give him some time. He might be used to avoiding things or might not know how to communicate with you yet. By giving him time, you're showing him respect and understanding, which might make him change and be willing to have a good chat with you and tell you why he wants to break up with you, which might also make you feel better.

You also need to be prepared for the fact that he will continue to avoid the issue. In other words, if you communicate with him many times and give him some time, but he still avoids the issue and refuses to face it, then you can only accept the reality, which is that he is an irresponsible person. When you accept this reality, your mood may also improve, because if you accept the reality, you will have no expectations, and without expectations, there will be no more hurt.

You can also remind yourself that relationships are a two-way street. One-sided wishes don't tend to last long, and relationships are also uncertain. Now that he's avoiding you, it means that he no longer has the same fondness and love for you that he once did. After you've repeated this to yourself a few times, it may also help you to slowly let go of this relationship because he's not worth your constant obsession.

I also hope you won't doubt yourself because he suddenly broke up with you, feeling you're not good enough and not worthy of love. That's not the case, though. Your breakup just means you're not suited to each other. What's more, he's been evading and is unwilling to take responsibility for the relationship because he doesn't know how to cherish you. In short, you need to know you can do something to improve the situation.

When you start taking action, you'll naturally start to feel better because taking action can help you overcome negative emotions.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, just click "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I'll chat with you one-on-one.