What if I have never been in a close relationship and feel unworthy of love?

Hello, young lady. I can see you're feeling confused, so I'm giving you a hug!

You seem to be having some relationship issues. Let me give you a hug again.

You grew up in a boarding school and basically never stayed at home.

This might be the reason behind your current issues.

We learn about relationships from our parents first.

If that part is missing, it can be hard to know how to get along with other people and establish relationships.

Why do you think you're unworthy of love?

You might think that your parents didn't love you anymore, so they sent you to boarding school.

But you were just a kid at the time, so you couldn't really understand your parents' reasons.

If you can, I'd recommend talking to your parents about why they sent you to boarding school.

Maybe they were going through some really tough stuff at the time, which is why they made that choice.

I think the decision they made back then was probably the best choice for you at the time.

If you think it would help, I suggest you speak to a professional counselor.

A counselor can offer a third-party perspective, a non-judgmental outlook, and an objective attitude, providing more pertinent, useful, and constructive advice.

I really hope you can find a good solution to the problem you're having soon.

I think that's all I can say for now.

I hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the girl. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

Hello, girl. You are your own unique being. You are a limited edition, out of print, and you are worthy of love. Whether you have had any experience of intimacy or not, you are worthy of being attracted to that equally unique person and becoming his or her treasured edition.

You always feel that you don't deserve to be loved. This feeling of unworthiness has to go. Make two lists: list the comments, good and bad, on you from the important people in your life: parents, grandparents, caregivers, teachers who know you, classmates, etc.

Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. Identify the negative self-talk and try to say it in the voice of a third party. See how you react. If you argue your point of view and defend yourself, you will find your strengths and confidence.

You said you have never maintained an intimate relationship with anyone. You have lived away from home since you were young and basically have never stayed at home. This experience may make it seem a bit strange for you to establish an intimate relationship with others, but you have had experiences getting along with classmates and teachers, and have had the experience of living in a group. I know you must also have had experiences of being liked by your teachers and classmates, even if it wasn't that intimate. In fact, any relationship can be learned, and interpersonal relationships can also be learned and acquired. As long as you have an attitude of non-exclusion, try to be open-minded, accept your own happiness, try to accept the goodwill of others, and try to give your own love, you can establish and develop an intimate relationship.

Everyone grows through trial and error. Choosing who to spend your life with is a serious matter. No one would just grab the first person they see without thinking. You say, "If the other person meets someone who is prettier and has better conditions than me, they will leave me." This is a normal worry, but it's also a sign of your lack of confidence in yourself.

This person didn't approach you after careful selection. Nobody would place a bet on an uncertain person.

Know yourself. Know others. Understand what it is about you that he likes. Get to know each other. Communicate with each other. Deepen your understanding of each other. Resolve your worries and confusion one by one. You will not be torn up.

Learn to love, learn to know yourself, and learn to understand others. The core of a relationship is meeting each other's needs and expectations. Intimacy begins with appearance, but it is grounded in value. You must believe that you are valuable and worthy of love. This requires continuous self-growth and constant internal value-adding.

You are unique. You have qualities that other children who were spoiled by their parents growing up do not have. You are also more independent and self-reliant than other students. You ask, "Why do you like me?" and this is up to you to answer. Maybe other girls are prettier, better, and have a better personality than you. But they don't have your uniqueness. And it is precisely this or these few points of beauty that you yourself have not discovered that they have captured. And it is also what they value most. Discover the beauty of love. Believe that you are worthy of love. Believe in yourself, girl. I love you. Come on.

Hello! I can tell you're a very humble person, and I can also see that you feel a bit inferior. There's a sense of detachment in your writing, and I find that really attractive. So, tell me, what's wrong with you? I'm a fan, and I want to help!

I really want to help you, so I'll share my views with you. I really hope you'll fall in love with yourself soon!

You say that you don't feel good enough, that you're not good enough, that you don't deserve to be loved. I can see how you might feel that way, but I want you to know that you are worthy of love.

This is something you've got stuck on your mind, and it's not true. Even if other people say you're great, you might not believe it.

So, do you see? The truth is not that you are not good.

It seems like you've chosen to believe that you're not good enough.

You say that many girls are prettier, better, and have better personalities than you.

But in this world, what is the standard?

Everyone is special and has their own wonderful qualities.

What do you think is beautiful? Some people think gentle classical beauty is beautiful. Some people think blond hair and blue eyes are beautiful. And some people think quiet and introverted is beautiful.

It's okay, you just haven't accepted that you are different from others.

It's totally normal to feel unworthy of love when you don't love yourself.

So, what can you do?

From now on, try to accept yourself, my friend.

It's so important to accept both your strengths and your weaknesses.

Be kind to yourself! Accept your intelligence, but also accept that you will make mistakes.

It's okay to be praised, but it's also okay to be criticized.

It's okay to be liked and it's okay to be disliked.

Tell yourself that no matter what happens, even if the sky falls, you will be there for yourself, and that's okay!

You've got to remember that love isn't something you find outside yourself. It's something you find within yourself.

I was just wondering if you've read Cang Lan Jue?

You see, the little orchid is brimming with love. Even though her immortal root is a bit rotten and her power and cultivation are not the strongest, she never doubts that the outstanding Yuezun will fall in love with her.

Everyone is born worthy of all the good things in the world, so of course they are worthy!

Tell yourself that even if you're a "salty fish," you deserve the good things in this world. Even if you fish for two days and then go back to the nets for two days, you deserve the things you want. Even if you're not a hard worker, you deserve the results you want. Even if you're a bit of a playboy, you deserve the things you want. And you deserve them now, and they are worth it.

All you have to do is be grateful and embrace the gift!

Good day, my name is Liang Qingyou.

You have stated that numerous individuals are more physically attractive, possess superior qualities, and exhibit more admirable personalities than you. When someone expresses affection towards you, you experience concern that their attachment is akin to a transient phenomenon and may abruptly dissipate. I am curious whether the inverse phenomenon is also possible: when you aspire to love someone, you perceive a lack of capacity to love and become trapped in a cycle of inability to love and longing to love.

In this repetitive cycle, individuals may experience feelings of fatigue and isolation. Some may even accept the company of those who seek to belittle and undermine them in order to escape from the discomforting emotions, as such individuals can provide a sense of security and alleviate concerns about not meeting the other person's expectations.

As a result, they are unable to recognize their own value and believe that they are merely the recipients of good fortune. Even casual comments and rejections from their loved ones can trigger excessive self-reflection about whether they are not good enough.

Although reluctant to do so, it is necessary to consider the role of the family of origin in the development of feelings of unworthiness. These feelings are often related to a lack of sufficient security, encouragement, love, and care from caregivers during childhood.

What methods might be employed to enhance one's sense of self-worth?

1. It is recommended that the individual seek out a counselor or other trusted individual who can provide a sense of security and support.

It is imperative to be particularly mindful of the words that may cause distress and to assertively convey to the other individual that such statements are unacceptable and unwelcome.

2. When experiencing negative emotions, it is beneficial to engage in a technique known as "role-playing." This involves identifying two distinct roles: the bystander and the protagonist. In this exercise, the protagonist represents the individual experiencing the emotions, while the bystander is a neutral observer. The protagonist engages in self-talk, expressing their emotions and thoughts on paper. This technique has been shown to be an effective method for regulating negative emotions.

?3. Each individual possesses inherent strengths, such as the capacity for effective communication or meticulous attention to detail. Identify and leverage these strengths in your professional endeavors and personal life, to the extent that your own limitations become inconsequential.

It is recommended that you find a small notebook and record in detail when and where your strengths appear, how powerful they are for your personal improvement, and how fulfilling they are.

It is of particular importance to identify and pursue opportunities for personal accomplishment. These may be found in relatively minor actions, such as mustering the courage to speak one's mind or refusing a request without feelings of guilt.

4. One can learn from the example of the Shenzhen girl and work assiduously to earn money. A significant portion of the difficulties encountered in life can be attributed to a lack of financial resources.

It is recommended that more time and energy be allocated to the enhancement of one's work abilities. Once financial stability is achieved, it is possible to approach challenges with a more composed demeanor.

I wish you the best of success.

Hello, dear questioner!

It's totally understandable to feel insecure in an intimate relationship. It's natural to worry that your partner will leave you if they don't think you're good or pretty enough. I'm here to reassure you that you're worthy of love.

I'm sure you've heard the saying that you can't love someone else until you love yourself. But have you ever stopped to think about why you might think you don't deserve love? What if your idea of yourself is based on a belief that you're not good enough?

It's okay if you feel like you don't have any strengths. We all feel that way sometimes. It's also okay if you're being overly pessimistic. We all get like that sometimes, too.

Take a moment to think about it.

Maybe because you grew up in a boarding school, you didn't get as much care and love from your parents as you might have liked. This might have meant that you had to face independence at an early age. Do you feel insecure all the time?

This insecurity can stick with you for a long time, making you feel like you're not good or beautiful enough. It can even make you feel like you can't give yourself the mental energy and support you deserve. It's totally normal to feel vulnerable in intimate relationships and avoid them to protect yourself.

This kind of self-protection is negative and is only intended to prevent fear from being "awakened."

Positive self-protection is all about giving yourself the love and support you deserve! It's about building up your self-confidence and abilities, and filling your life with positive energy. When you're confident from the inside out, you're not afraid of the other person leaving because you've got your own strength and resilience.

So, the best way to do this is to focus on building up your own self-esteem.

The first step to making positive changes is to challenge your current beliefs. For example, do you think that if you're not good enough or pretty enough, the other person will leave? It's time to rethink this! First of all, it's important to understand that the breakdown of a relationship is often due to emotional discord or irreconcilable conflicts.

I know it can be hard to believe, but even though some guys only look at faces, they are still the minority. So your way of thinking is too absolute, so go change your misconception first.

I really hope this message is useful to you! I wish you all the best!

Hello, you hide your true self. You act in ways you don't feel are genuine. Perhaps you're afraid your true self will hurt others, so you hide it. But your true self is not genuine, and others can sense it. When others can't sense your true self, they won't be close to you. Try to be more sincere. Don't be afraid to show your weaknesses. If you live sincerely, you'll get sincere relationships.

If you're intimate with someone casually, it shows you're not ready. Don't rush things. First, be intimate with yourself. Be content with everything. As for intimacy with others, you can expect it but don't force it.

If this person is important to you, you can be yourself and have a good relationship with him. Be unique and there will always be someone who appreciates you.

Enjoy life more. When you find the right person, don't hold back. I've thought about it, and I think friendships like ours often end because we give up too soon. We need to be brave and face up to minor flaws.

Let things happen naturally. Don't force others to understand you or yourself to change. Accept the situation first, then slowly increase your sense of interaction with others. Don't be afraid. You're not alone. Many people feel a sense of alienation because they can't pay attention to other people's lives from the heart.

Don't take it too seriously. Your future is the most important thing. Don't hurt yourself. We're all children at heart. When you go to work, don't start an intimate relationship. Sudden enthusiasm, aren't you afraid? Everyone thinks the same way.

Time reveals people's hearts. True feelings are revealed in times of trouble. Go with the flow. It depends on the person. Make your own decision.

It is important to accept oneself as one is, and this is a positive thing to do.

During the course of maturation, individuals will inevitably interact with a multitude of individuals and experiences.

If we consider the title of the question in isolation, there is no compelling reason to assume that maintaining a close relationship is inherently beneficial.

It is important to note that there are always scenarios in which an excess of something is as detrimental as an absence of it.

It is important to recognize that everyone is an independent person, and that the individuals one encounters will always retain their autonomy. While it is beneficial to be attracted to and dependent on one another, it is also crucial to allow natural processes to unfold and to cultivate a sense of comfort with oneself.

Furthermore, it is imperative to refrain from questioning and to refrain from entertaining the notion that one is undeserving of affection. Additionally, it is crucial to avoid questioning the rationale behind the other person's affection.

The rationale behind your affinity for the other individual is analogous.

If one is capable of liking another individual, it is reasonable to assume that the same can be reciprocated.

In the absence of such a sentiment,

In other words, the presence of physical beauty, talent, or a positive or negative personality is never a prerequisite for the capacity to be liked and loved.

These conditions, including benevolence, etc., can serve as reasons for increased attraction, attachment, and even an inability to disengage.

However, it is also possible that neither of these is the cause.

The love theory proposed by American psychologist Sternberg posits that love is comprised of three fundamental components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Passion represents the sexual component of love and an emotional obsession.

Intimacy is defined as the warm experience that can be aroused in a romantic relationship.

A promise can be defined as a decision or guarantee to maintain a relationship.

These three components comprise the seven types of love: infatuation, obsession, emptiness, romance, partnership, foolishness, and perfection.

Love can manifest in numerous ways. When one is capable of loving others, it is likely that they will also be loved in return.

When one is capable of receiving love, one is also capable of extending love to others.

The phenomenon of love is a reciprocal one.

It is possible that the original poster may have additional questions, such as whether love can easily fade away, whether there are better alternatives such as meeting someone more beautiful or more outstanding, and so on.

What is the longest lifespan of an electronic device? Is it five, ten, or twenty years?

The legal age of marriage is 22 for men and 20 for women. Therefore, even if one were to marry at a later age, say three years later, the age would be 25 for men and 23 for women.

In contemporary society, it is not uncommon for individuals to retire in their 50s. It is not implausible for individuals to reach the age of 70, 80, or even 100 years old.

To illustrate, consider the case of a young woman who is 23 years of age and legally considered to be marrying late. In this case, one can work backwards to determine the age of the woman at the time of her initial encounter with her significant other.

It is essential to consider the amount of time spent together and the depth of mutual knowledge.

Even if one were to consider a period of five years, commencing with the age of 18 at the time of initial acquaintance, it would be reasonable to inquire as to the amount of time that was actually spent in a state of romantic infatuation. Furthermore, it would be pertinent to ascertain the length of time required to gain an understanding of the individual in question, including his family and the experiences he has undergone, in order to ascertain whether there was sufficient opportunity to appreciate the humanity of this person and to envisage the potential for a long-term relationship.

It is insufficient to fall in love with someone with whom you have only spent five years in their company, even if you make it to retirement.

Let us posit that a period of intense love lasting two to three years is followed by a subsequent period of 27 years or more of shared life.

Even a durable item such as an appliance does not typically last for 20 years without experiencing some form of deterioration. The process of getting to know someone new typically requires a significant investment of time, and the same is true of maintaining a long-term relationship.

One might inquire as to how this love, devoid of any issues or temptations, could conceivably dissipate.

If such a situation does indeed exist, it is reasonable to conclude that both parties have invested a significant amount of effort to achieve this positive outcome over an extended period of time.

For example, one must consider the challenges of balancing work, family, and loved ones with the time spent with and care provided to one's partner.

Indeed, throughout this process, it may be necessary to maintain one's authentic self while also adapting to the needs of one's partner. This entails a balance between being accommodating and accepting of the other person.

Mutual understanding and love are essential for a harmonious relationship.

While these factors may contribute to a harmonious and mutually beneficial relationship, it is ultimately the underlying motivation that will determine the durability of the bond.

Such factors as physical beauty and excellence, financial stability, emotional attunement, and mutual growth and transformation may serve as sources of enduring love and commitment.

Furthermore, as one progresses in this journey, it is likely that one will find themselves in a harmonious and intimate relationship. However, should this not occur, it may be preferable to...

When one loves and accepts oneself, one is able to appreciate the beauty of the world.

The duration of one's lifetime is considerable. It is beneficial to cultivate a romantic attachment with a single individual, and there is no inherent disadvantage in maintaining multiple romantic relationships.

Provided that one is in a state of love at the time, exhibiting serious and attentive behavior, it is reasonable to expect that one will be cherished by the other person, and it is likely that this expectation will be met.

In the event that one is unable to continue, it is imperative to bid the relationship a proper farewell. If both parties have endeavored to the best of their abilities and have similarly done their utmost, then even in the absence of romantic affection or the perception of an incompatible dynamic, it is possible to reflect on the experience with a sense of tranquility and without any misgivings.

In the event that both parties are merely engaging in recreational activities, there is no need to concern oneself with the question of whether they are a suitable match. They are simply two individuals who are equally matched.

One must accept the premise that each decision is, at the time of its making, the optimal choice for that moment. This is a tenable position.

Therefore, it is recommended that one enjoy their relationship. Regardless of what the other person likes about you, as long as it is genuine, it can be considered love. As long as you are happy, meeting someone better is an acceptable outcome. The other person will meet someone, and so will you.

The individual who is the optimal match for you—whether they are a passerby, a stranger, or a companion—will become evident as you progress along your life's journey.

The aforementioned information is intended to serve as a reference point only. It is my hope that it will prove to be of benefit.

Hello. You went to boarding school when you were young and have never had a close relationship. You always feel that you are not worthy of love, so you are now worried about this.

It's worth noting that many people are in a similar situation, with varying degrees of severity and visibility.

So, try not to worry too much.

You might want to try to figure out how this situation came about and look for the cause in your own experiences or past.

1. Take a look at your family of origin, your parents, or other important relatives who raised you, or your teachers and classmates at school. Think about what they said or did when you were a child that made you feel inferior.

Try to reassure the inner child who has been treated this way. Give her a hug and tell her that it's not her fault, but that she has been treated and judged wrongly.

2. Why do you feel unworthy? Take a moment to think about why you think you are unworthy. The more specific you can be, the better. Once you've identified a few reasons, write them down and ask a friend to see if you're really as bad as you think.

Or is it because you're not being totally objective?

3. You might want to look for related mindfulness meditation to learn and practice for a period of time, and you may be able to adjust.

4. I used to be self-conscious too. My mother used to tell me I was ugly when I was young. But I found a way to adjust through self-study in psychology and slowly came out of it.

I also have a friend who's under the influence of a kind of subconscious unworthiness. This causes her to unconsciously mess up everything that's supposed to be good, once she's achieved results, been praised, or rewarded. Those around her feel a lot of pressure, but she's not aware of it.

I once told her, "This is the result of your hard work. You deserve this success, this achievement, and this glory!" Unfortunately, she never managed to come out of it and never realized it.

You're lucky to have realized this, because awareness is the first step to making a change.

I hope you'll complete the training soon and allow yourself to gradually emerge. No two leaves are identical, and no two people are the same. Each is unique and deserves love and appreciation.

You have to be the person who is worthy.

I hope my unprofessional answer helps you out.

Individuals with low self-esteem tend to perceive themselves as incompetent in all areas. It is important to recognize that everyone possesses both strengths and weaknesses. In the eyes of a romantic partner, your strengths may be the most valuable asset. However, if you perceive your strengths as shortcomings, self-negation may persist. Past experiences can provide insights that are beyond the scope of this discussion.

I would like to pose a single question: if your performance is so deficient, what has enabled you to remain in business? What about the support you have received?

The fact that an individual has survived to this point in time indicates that they possess a number of positive attributes which serve to support them. This is something to be grateful for, but for many people, these positive attributes are often overlooked or undervalued.

Individuals with a low sense of self-worth are inclined to perceive only the negative aspects of their performance. They tend to focus on shortcomings rather than achievements. They are quick to identify areas for improvement but slow to recognize their strengths. This mindset can lead to a distorted perception of competence. It's important to recognize that performing tasks well is a straightforward and attainable goal. However, failing to do so may not necessarily indicate a lack of ability but rather a need for improvement.

Since you can identify both the advantages and the drawbacks of a given trait, you can also recognize the benefits that may result from a particular personality type. Personality traits are simply one aspect of an individual's character, and they are neither inherently good nor bad. It is possible to identify positive aspects when you are ready to do so.

For example, an individual with a disorganized workspace may have more energy and focus to devote to their career because they are too lazy to tidy up.

Ultimately, it is essential to accept yourself. Despite the presence of flaws, success remains attainable. The ability to find love and accomplish goals persists. The pursuit of perfection is not a prerequisite for a fulfilling life.

I was institutionalized at a young age and never stayed at home. I also never had a close relationship with anyone. Later, I fell in love, but I always felt that I didn't deserve to be loved. There are so many girls who are prettier, better, and have better personalities than me.

Why would anyone like me? I feel like the other person will leave me as soon as they find someone better.

I don't think I deserve the other person's love. I'm also worried that they'll stop loving me.

What should I do?

Dear questioner, I'd love to chat with you. I hope my answer helps.

Why do you feel unworthy of your partner's love?

You were sent to boarding school at a young age. This made you live alone when you should have been enjoying your parents' love. You longed for love but no one responded, so you lost the need for love. You are too uncomfortable maintaining close relationships.

You isolate yourself to protect yourself emotionally. You need love and security. When you don't get it, you think you're not good enough.

This sense of unworthiness is reinforced as you grow up.

How can you change it?

Say goodbye to your past. Talk to your parents about why they let you board from a young age.

Know yourself. Talk to your loved ones.

Ask them why they stay with you. Compare how you see yourself with how others see you.

Accept yourself. Love yourself.

Your family, lovers, and friends love you because you're you. You've shared memories that can't be replaced.

Instead of worrying that they'll leave you for someone better, enjoy the time together, grow, and become the best version of yourself.

This is just my opinion. I hope it helps.

Hello, landlord. Your description resonates with me. This afternoon, I read an article about love and marriage. I would like to share it with you and discuss it.

Attachment

Psychology has three types of emotional bond between infants and their caregivers: secure, anxious, and avoidant.

Attachment is secure.

I'm fine, my mother is fine, the world is safe, my mother will take care of me. I feel tired, I can sleep alone. If my mother doesn't respond right away, I can wait.

Anxious attachment

I'm not good, my mother is. The world is dangerous, so I have to keep my mother by my side. I'll behave and listen to her, and sometimes I'll test her. My mother must reassure me she loves me and won't abandon me. If I don't get a response, I'll fall into anxiety.

Avoidant attachment

I'm fine, but my mother is bad. The world is dangerous. I must point out my mother's faults and punish her so that she will listen to me. I lack a sense of security, don't trust others easily, and have a strong sense of personal boundaries. It is difficult for me to have true friends. I like to live alone and deal with problems on my own. I easily form intimate relationships with my partner. My self-esteem is low, I feel self-loathing, and my emotions are unstable. I need a long time to digest my emotions. I am sensitive and suspicious, and will test to prove that I am liked by the other person. I long for intimacy but am afraid of intimacy.

What type of attachment do you have?

You experienced severe emotional neglect as a child, which has caused you to feel unloved in intimate relationships. Our inner loneliness, sadness, anger, and anxiety are largely due to our inability to feel the love of others.

To feel love, you have to recognize and understand love. If you didn't form a supportive connection with others as a child, you'll feel isolated and unhappy.

[The secret to feeling loved]

Tip 1: Talk to someone you trust.

When we have problems, we can ask someone we trust for help. We don't have to worry about being laughed at or looked down upon.

Speaking your mind can help you think and feel better. You can also listen to people you trust and see what they think.

Nobita is weak-willed and timid. He often runs away from problems. But he knows he can go to Doraemon for help. After talking to Doraemon, Nobita feels better.

Is there someone like Doraemon?

Tip 2: Use your senses.

Use your senses to feel love. This can help you relax.

In the movie "Youth," the male protagonist ran on the playground to relieve stress from the college entrance exam. He listened to music on the way to and from school to reduce psychological pressure. Exercise and music relieve stress. When your heart is balanced, you feel no fear and can feel love.

Tip 3: The benefits of meditation

Meditation is a valuable yoga technique. The goal of meditation is to achieve liberation. Meditation is not just for religious people. It is a way for anyone to reduce stress.

You can meditate sitting or lying down. Lie on a comfortable bed or mat, put on the special meditation audio, and relax.

Just do what the audio says and you'll see good results in a month.

Meditation Planet

Go to Meditation Planet on the Yi Xinli platform.

I'm a counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope this helps. If you like it, click like and leave a comment.

Good morning,

Host:

I have carefully read the post and noted that the poster has expressed feelings of unworthiness, which have also affected their love life. I have also observed that the poster has sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly assist them in better understanding themselves and making necessary adjustments.

Next, I will share what I have heard, observed, and thought about in the post, which may assist the poster in viewing themselves from a more diverse perspective.

1. Exploring methods for acquiring love

The original poster indicated that they consistently feel unworthy of love. This raises the question: Why would the other person like me? There are numerous other individuals who are more attractive, more talented, and have better personalities than me. Why would the other person like me? The original poster also expressed concern that the other person will leave them as soon as they meet someone more attractive and more qualified.

From this perspective, it appears that the original poster believes that

Is it accurate to conclude that individuals who embody positive attributes such as kindness, beauty, and excellence are more likely to receive love? I am interested in understanding the origin of this belief.

It is clear that these factors can contribute to our overall success. However, focusing solely on these dimensions may limit our perspective. I believe this is also influenced by the current educational and social environment.

The prevailing mindset is that excellence is the key to success and that only those who excel will be treated well and secure good jobs. However, this approach may be more applicable in the workplace than in other contexts.

Furthermore, if we consider intimacy from this perspective, it may prove to be as challenging as the workplace.

Intimacy may require the ability to accept the good and the bad in each other. The higher the degree of acceptance, the more relaxed and happier one may feel in an intimate relationship.

2. Identify the root cause of the unworthiness complex.

In the aforementioned post, the host indicated that she experiences feelings of unworthiness in a relationship. Therefore, it would be beneficial to examine the potential origins of this sentiment.

Why do we feel so unworthy in relationships? Exploring this question may prove beneficial.

Please allow me to clarify.

Our sense of unworthiness does not originate from a low sense of self-worth. Due to a lack of self-worth, we tend to doubt that others will genuinely care for us.

Those with a low sense of self-worth may have difficulty accepting themselves, which can make it challenging to believe that others like them.

As a starting point, you may wish to consider whether you have a positive or negative view of yourself and whether you accept yourself.

This raises the question of where self-worth comes from. In my view, self-worth is our overall evaluation of ourselves.

However, this self-assessment may also be influenced by feedback from others. This is particularly relevant when individuals are young and may not yet have the capacity to understand themselves.

In the aforementioned post, the original poster indicated that you have resided outside of your familial home since childhood, with minimal to no periods of residence. This was a distressing and melancholy experience for you during your formative years, correct?

What are your thoughts on adults behaving in this manner? There are numerous cases of children being left behind in their countries of origin for various reasons by their parents. When they reach adulthood, many of them come to understand the rationale behind their parents' decisions.

However, from an emotional perspective, they may feel "abandoned" and perceive it as a lack of self-worth or attractiveness. This could lead to the assumption that their parents have rejected them. It is important to assess whether this is a valid assumption.

These may assist you in identifying the underlying causes of your sense of unworthiness.

3. Take responsibility for yourself and strive to achieve personal satisfaction.

As previously discussed, there are a number of potential causes of a sense of unworthiness. Once the cause has been identified, it is important to examine one's experiences of growing up from an adult perspective and with an objective point of view.

As children, we lacked the perspective to fully comprehend our parents' actions. Now, as adults, we can see how these behaviors may have had a negative impact on us.

It is also important to consider the limitations of our parents. Given that parents often have limited resources at their disposal, they may also have limitations in what they can provide.

It is important to recognise that, just as with any other individual, we all have limitations in what we are able to do. Furthermore, it is crucial to understand that it is not our responsibility if our caregivers treat us in this way.

It may therefore be necessary to replace these unreasonable beliefs with more reasonable ones. Once this has been done, there should be a gradual increase in self-acceptance.

4. Learning and improvement

It is not a simple matter to adjust one's sense of unworthiness and sense of worthiness. Therefore, it is important to allow oneself time and space to do so. However, learning can facilitate this process.

If you have the resources, you may wish to consider engaging the services of a professional counselor to address your professional issues. Otherwise, you may find it helpful to educate yourself about psychology.

We endeavor to identify our own issues and pursue further learning. This approach has proven beneficial for us.

I hope these ideas will prove useful and inspiring to you.

Good morning, dear girl.

My name is Kelly Shui, and I coach people on exploring their hearts.

On this late autumn morning, as I read about your confusion, I feel compelled to talk to you about what makes us think these things. Perhaps we could explore this together?

I wonder if I might have missed out on some of the experiences that could have helped me to feel more confident in my ability to be loved.

Some time ago, I was listening to a lecture about the feeling of unworthiness. I reflected on my childhood and how I was sometimes criticized, belittled, and disliked by my parents. I thought of a quote by Carl Jung: "Your subconscious mind controls you, and you call it fate."

I believe that if I hadn't studied psychology and become a counselor, I probably would never have realized that these things would also affect me.

I lived at home until primary school, when my parents were raising three children, which was a challenging experience. My mother had a short temper and was easily angered. I was sensitive from a young age and, because I had an older sister, I had to learn to navigate the responsibilities of housework.

My mother's comments were often quite harsh, and I was very self-conscious and stubborn.

During my time in junior high school, I also lived in a boarding school. I was always a little hesitant to socialize with boys, as my mother had a habit of saying that I was lazy and ugly. As I grew up, I found that my inferiority complex was always there, influencing my behavior.

Later, when I was in high school, I lived far away from home, and I went home less and less often. When I was at school, I often heard my classmates praise me for being pretty, and I would sometimes feel that the other person was being sarcastic, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

Later, when I gradually started to hear more and more people praise me, I still had some reservations about myself.

Our parents' personalities often influence how we perceive the beginnings of intimacy. I recall my parents having distinct personalities: my father loved to read, while my mother was somewhat quick-tempered. As a result, I initially struggled to cultivate close relationships with others.

I have always enjoyed reading, and I have been interested in literature since elementary school. I find the love stories in books particularly appealing. My first love was also my current husband, and I started dating in my twenties.

I always felt that I didn't deserve to be loved. I wondered why someone would like me. I felt that there were many girls who were prettier, better, and had better personalities than me.

Initially, I had similar concerns. My husband is a graduate of a well-known university in China and is quite attractive, but when he first contacted me, I was unsure if he was truly interested. Despite my initial impression of him, he persisted in pursuing me and continued writing for quite some time before I agreed to consider dating him.

Despite the fact that his ex-girlfriend was a graduate student with a higher education level than me, and there were many pretty female colleagues in the company who liked him, my husband was ultimately drawn to me.

We are blessed to have a lovely daughter and have been married for more than 20 years. While our marriage has not been without challenges, we have also faced setbacks, including my own internal struggles with feelings of inadequacy.

I wonder how the sense of inadequacy is formed.

If a child is not recognized and belittled as a child, agrees with their parents, or has never received approval from their parents, and if a person has not received these positive affirmations in their upbringing,

I believe that Guo Jing-jing also faced some challenging questions from the outside world. For example, she was asked, "Does Cinderella deserve the prince?"

Her response was measured and collected: "There are many wealthy families, but only one world champion."

This sense of "I deserve it" has enabled her to enjoy the benefits of a happy marriage that many women admire.

Their stories continue to be passed down to this day.

It could be said that confidence is also a kind of beauty.

How might we lead a more confident life?

It would be beneficial to first become aware of any self-defeating patterns you may have.

If you catch yourself thinking this way, kindly remind yourself that you've fallen into this habit again.

You might consider writing it in your diary and then gently reminding yourself that you don't need to fall into this trap.

Then, if you find yourself falling into the trap of unworthiness, kindly remind yourself that this is not the path to take.

It might be helpful to try to deviate from your instinctive reaction a few more times, as this could help you gradually rebuild your model.

It might be helpful to ask a close friend to talk about your strengths.

With an increasing understanding of myself, I can joke with my boyfriend, "What is it about me that you like? I'd love to know."

I believe that the way my boyfriend sees me is probably an accurate reflection of who I really am.

And with my boyfriend, we have the opportunity to reflect on each other's perspectives, recognize our individual strengths and weaknesses, learn to accept, and gain insights from the past to understand the potential influence of past experiences on our present selves.

I have come to accept that the past is the past, and that the present is what matters.

Thirdly, it would be beneficial to identify your own personal aspirations.

We are all ordinary people, but we all have our own dreams. Despite the challenges I faced in my original family, I found ways to nurture my creativity after getting married. I took the opportunity to learn new skills, such as cooking and designing soft furnishings, to bring some of my ideas to life.

Subsequently, when we were in a relationship, I would often prepare meals and extend invitations to my husband's classmates to gather at our residence.

One can also attract many friends and interesting people through a love of life.

Fourth, it may be helpful to praise yourself and others more.

In our culture, it tends to be more subtle, and many people are understandably reluctant to express their thoughts.

I always try to find something positive to say about others and tell them that I'm interested in learning from them.

We often offer praise to others and try to see the good in them. Similarly, we frequently receive praise from others.

Compliments can be a wonderful way to show appreciation and build strong relationships.

It might be helpful to consider what you might see as their good points, in the case of your boyfriend, colleagues, classmates, best friends, and family.

Fifth, it would be beneficial to embrace one's inner values.

It can be said that this is the magic key to freedom and love. It is often thought that everyone is equal, that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and that no one is perfect.

Perhaps it could be said that just as a boyfriend likes you.

Because you are the only one in the world, love is only about liking and disliking. As the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

While appearance is certainly a factor in many aspects of life, it is not the only thing that matters. A good-looking body is not uncommon, but an interesting soul is not always easy to find. Perhaps we could consider becoming "philanthropists" and exploring the unknown, challenging ourselves, and doing things that we can do and that make us happy.

With time, a sense of worth is gradually enhanced. When we have things we like, we find reasons to persevere and work hard for them. This can lead to happiness being visible to those around you.

If I might make one more suggestion, learning is always a good option. There is no limit to what we can learn. If we persevere in reading, we will eventually develop an independent mindset.

I believe that reading is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.

If I may, I would like to share a quote with you. It is from the writer Huang Tongtong and appears in her book, I Will Rebuild My Life With My Own Hands.

"I tend to feel uneasy when faced with anything good, and interestingly, the result of good things with me is often that they break or disappear. Later, my psychiatrist offered an intriguing analysis, suggesting that this may be because in our subconscious minds, we may have a sense that we don't deserve good things..."

If you were to form the self-concept of "I'm not good," this belief would likely go directly to the subconscious.

This can result in an automatic response pattern whereby we tend to avoid the good stuff and take the bad stuff.

So, dear girl, I encourage you to believe in yourself and your inherent goodness.

You are deserving of love.

We will grow up together.

I would like to extend my best wishes to you.