What if you hate someone who likes you? How do you break up with him?

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the most valuable asset of the human body.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of inner turmoil, along with concerns, worries, doubts, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

The specifics of the difficulties you are experiencing in your romantic relationship will not be addressed here. However, three pieces of advice are offered for your consideration.

First, it would be beneficial to consider why, after consenting to a relationship with the individual in question, you experience feelings of annoyance, disinterest in communication, and discomfort when contemplating the use of affectionate terms such as "baby" and "love you." Additionally, it would be helpful to reflect on the most appropriate manner to terminate the relationship, given that, in most cases, when one is in a relationship with someone they are attracted to, they experience positive emotions.

The underlying motivation for the desire to terminate the relationship may be attributed to a number of factors. These include a lack of recent contact, a cooling of feelings, a shift in like or dislike, or a sense of unease with the nature of the interactions.

The only way to identify a solution is to ascertain the underlying cause.

Secondly, it is recommended that you undertake a rational consideration of the reasons for your desire to separate from him.

From a rational perspective, it is possible to gain a deeper understanding of one's own motivations and the circumstances surrounding the situation at hand.

To achieve this, it is essential to undertake the following three steps:

One must recognize that authentic love is not a product of external manipulation; rather, it emanates from the depths of the heart. This understanding is crucial for fostering a relationship that endures.

Should you no longer hold positive sentiments towards him, it would be advisable to communicate this candidly, as a lack of mutual affection and the continued cohabitation of the relationship will inevitably lead to distress for both parties.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that if one has a strong physical attraction to another individual but feels unable to sustain a romantic relationship with them, this may be indicative of a form of sexual unrequited love.

The term "unrequited love" is used to describe a situation in which an individual is in love with another person but does not expect an emotional response from them. In such cases, the love affair may eventually cease due to a lack of emotional reciprocity from the other party.

One may ascertain whether this is indeed the case and subsequently determine the optimal subsequent course of action.

Thirdly, it is important to recognise that the status quo can be altered, as the individual in question has the capacity to effect change.

When one exerts subjective initiative, one may gain a deeper understanding of oneself and effect changes in one's circumstances. It is therefore important to consider one's abilities and the potential of time.

It is recommended that you focus on yourself and consider what you can do to improve your emotional state.

For example, one might inquire as to whether there are any remaining positive attributes about the other person that are worthy of admiration. Additionally, it would be beneficial to assess whether one still feels a sense of confidence and optimism about the future with this individual. In the event that the answer to either of these questions is negative, it would be advisable to communicate with the other person in a frank and honest manner, providing an explanation for this change in sentiment. It is likely that the other person will be able to comprehend the idea that romantic feelings cannot be forced, and this may help to improve one's overall sense of well-being.

If one suspects a tendency towards unrequited love, it may be helpful to inquire as to the onset of this phenomenon and to identify potential contributing factors. For instance, it is possible that the use of certain terms, such as "baby" or "I love you," evokes a sense of disgust due to prior experiences. In such cases, it may be helpful to consider whether similar terms were used to the individual in the past and met with disapproval. Alternatively, the lack of exposure to intimate language in one's family of origin may contribute to a negative association with such terms. Once the underlying causes have been identified, it is essential to foster self-understanding and acceptance. It is important to recognize that these thoughts are understandable, but they can also be modified with time and practice. Gradually, one can begin to accept these terms in a more nuanced manner and to shift one's focus away from the perceived separation from the other person.

Additionally, it is possible to engage in an open and honest dialogue with the individual in question, including expressing a lack of desire to hear that particular discourse. It is probable that the individual will demonstrate an understanding of your feelings, particularly given their current desire to maintain the relationship. Furthermore, it is likely that they will refrain from uttering such statements, which may otherwise result in a negative emotional response.

It is also beneficial to engage in discourse with trusted family and friends. Articulating one's emotional state can facilitate a sense of well-being, as negative emotions often have a cathartic effect. Additionally, such interactions can provide insight, support, and guidance, which can further enhance one's sense of comfort and contentment.

Once action is initiated, the various negative emotions will gradually dissipate, as action is often the most effective method of overcoming such emotions.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" located at the foot of this page. This will enable me to communicate with you on an individual basis.

Hello! You said you're happy that the person you like has confessed his love to you.

But after you got together, you started to find him annoying, didn't like his intimate expressions towards you, and even always wanted to break up with him. This conflicted feeling is confusing you. I can see how you feel!

There seems to be a contradiction in your own thoughts.

You say that when someone you like confesses their feelings to you, you're happy about it. This seems to show that you like him and are willing to accept his feelings.

But after you started dating, you weren't willing to accept him anymore. You didn't have any intimate conversations like you did with other partners, and you even got annoyed when he sent you a message.

It seems like he hasn't done anything wrong, and this annoyance is a sudden feeling in your heart, right?

You say that as soon as you see his profile picture, you want to delete the chat box. You feel disgusted when he says intimate words to you. It sounds like you have a strong aversion to him, and you seem to want to stay away from him.

You say that as soon as you have a moment to spare, you think about when and how to break up with him. It seems like you've already decided this relationship is over.

But there's nothing inappropriate about your boyfriend from the beginning to the end, so your decision seems a bit strange. I'm sure this is making you feel confused too.

It's important to understand the root of your feelings.

It's natural to fall in love with someone and want to be loved. But when the person you like shows interest, you might start to avoid them. This is probably because you've lost confidence and don't believe you can develop a long-term, stable relationship. So, you simply don't want to start.

Your resistance is a way of avoiding starting something new. It makes you feel safe.

Have you often felt rejected and let down in your personal growth journey, especially during your childhood in the presence of your parents? Have your parents rarely given you positive reinforcement and appreciation, leaving you with a constant longing for love that you could not get, which made you feel inside that you were worthless and would not be liked?

If you've ever felt this way, you'll wonder why the person you like likes you after they accept you. You'll also be in a constant state of anxiety and conflict with self-doubt. So you tell yourself, in a way to avoid his affection, "Sure enough, he doesn't like me." This danger that hangs over your head will finally settle, and it will actually make you feel relieved.

In psychology, this is called an avoidant attachment personality, and it's mostly related to growth experiences. The ambivalent behavior, hyper-vigilance, and insecurity towards love displayed by people with avoidant attachment are actually a lifetime of healing the wounds of childhood.

It's important to learn to adjust your mindset to promote self-growth.

Everyone has the right to love. The sooner you work through your issues, the sooner you can open your heart to receive and embrace love. Therefore, you should work hard to grow yourself.

The first step is to accept and affirm yourself. Low self-esteem can often get in the way of accepting love openly. It's important to learn to affirm your own value internally.

For instance, take the time to identify your strengths and provide a few examples for each. Then, write these down and place them by your bed so that you can read them to yourself daily.

Start with five things, and as your confidence grows, add more positive traits until you have eight or ten. When you look at this list one day and realize how great you really are, you'll be ready to embrace love.

You can start by writing down five things, and as your confidence grows, you can gradually add more positive traits to the list—up to eight, ten, and so on. When you look at the list one day and realize that you are actually so lovely and wonderful, you should no longer be afraid to let others love you.

Second, enrich your spiritual and material life. There are lots of small things you can do to improve your quality of life and build self-confidence.

For instance, regular work and rest, healthy eating... Self-discipline can be really effective in making people confident. By exercising appropriately, making more friends, and doing the things you like, when your life is rich and colorful, you'll see that you're wonderful.

If you're looking for a more effective way to get out of your inner dilemma, you might want to consider seeking professional help. Psychological counseling and listening are both great ways to get guidance from a professional who can help you become more self-aware and understand your inner feelings better.

I'm Teng Ying, a psychological counselor, and I hope this helps!