What if your boyfriend always wants to be alone and stays alone for days on end?

You are in a long-distance relationship and have not seen each other for six months. He consistently requests solitude, is frequently unresponsive to communication, and intermittently disappears for several days at a time, citing a desire for a vacation. These behaviors from your boyfriend give you the impression that it may be time to terminate the relationship. However, he consistently presents you with gifts on a monthly basis, which reinforces your hope for the relationship and reluctance to end it.

In general, it is more likely that you will want a vacation when you are engaged in activities that are more tiring and burdensome. Conversely, if you are doing something you enjoy or something you really want to do, you are less likely to want a vacation. You communicate with each other from different places, and you need a vacation to adjust. It seems that the communication you have with him does not bring him enjoyment and a good feeling. It may be that your relationship has entered a stage where you are tired of each other. It seems that you are relying on commitments and responsibilities to maintain the relationship, and there is a lack of passion.

It appears that providing him with some space may prevent the need for a breakup. However, there is a lack of clarity on how to utilize the time saved. The term "save" was used. Does your relationship result in the perception of wasted time on occasion?

It is important to have your own personal space, regardless of whether you are a couple or a married couple, or how close you are. Similarly, whether you are in a long-distance relationship or have always been together, after spending a long time together, the sense of novelty and passion will always fade. Intimacy, commitment and responsibility are also important factors in maintaining a relationship.

If both parties are amenable to a compromise regarding time spent together, a brief respite may be beneficial. Similarly, if the relationship has reached a point of stagnation and neither party is inclined to invest further effort, a prolonged vacation may be a viable option. Given the finite nature of life, it is prudent to prioritize activities that bring fulfillment, enhance personal growth, and foster happiness.

Dear questioner, I am gratified that Lin'er has provided you with a response to your query. I hope that Lin'er's answer will prove both inspiring and psychologically beneficial to you as you make your decision.

The questions you have posed allow us to ascertain the following information. Allow me to elaborate further. Do you believe that the following issues are reflected in a comprehensive manner?

1. The subject in question has consistently demonstrated a reluctance to engage in communication with the subject. For how long has this been the case?

At what point in the relationship did this dynamic emerge? If it was present from the outset, what factors led to your decision to remain in the relationship?

If this situation has only recently arisen, what do you believe to be the underlying cause? It is likely that you have an intuitive understanding of the reason.

2. After a period of several days during which contact has been absent, the individual sends a WeChat message or makes a phone call, but receives no response. Is this an example of cold violence?

The term "cold violence" is used to describe a form of violence that manifests through indifference, neglect, alienation, and indifference, resulting in psychological and emotional harm to the victim. This phenomenon can be classified into two main categories: emotional cold violence and workplace cold violence. Both forms can be considered a form of mental abuse.

In your personal experience, would you characterize his behavior as a form of cold violence?

3. In a long-distance relationship, it has been six months since the couple last met. Based on the intensity of the relationship, can one feel secure when applying the general standards of a relationship? Can one feel loved?

If one is unable to experience love in the relationship, it is worth questioning whether the relationship is worth maintaining or whether it would be more beneficial to handle the situation with a greater degree of calm.

4. He presents gifts on a monthly basis. What form do these gifts take, and what is the financial value of each?

The question lacks sufficient detail. Given that the gifts he provides have the potential to foster emotional attachment, it is reasonable to conclude that they possess some intrinsic value. What is the objective of the relationship?

"Any relationship that does not culminate in marriage is, in essence, an act of infidelity." Consider the implications of embarking on a familial journey with him. Would you be able to embrace such a level of dedication?

It is essential to gain clarity regarding one's innermost feelings and to identify one's true desires in this relationship.

5. It is evident that you still wish to maintain this relationship. You inquire, "If we are not required to terminate the relationship, how many days off per month would be appropriate for him? If he is granted time off, what would be an optimal utilization of the time saved?"

One might inquire as to the rationale behind the desire to maintain this relationship. It would appear that there is a lack of clarity regarding one's own self-care during periods when he is away.

If one were to hold sand in one's hands, it would remain stationary if the hands were spread. However, if the hands were squeezed together, the sand would continue to fall out. The issue currently being faced is likely due to an excessive attachment to the individual in question, which has caused them to seek a way out or has led them to pursue other interests, leaving the individual feeling unnecessary and therefore seeking gratification through gifts.

The specific circumstances are unknown to Lin'er. Regardless of the choice made, it is imperative to consider whether one should continue to expend their youth attempting to gain his affection or to choose to embark on a path of self-improvement.

It is not within the purview of this forum to offer specific advice or to make decisions on behalf of its members. Lin'er's hope is that you, the reader, can become a better version of yourself, more independent and confident. To that end, we suggest the following: go to bed early and get up early, read more and better books, exercise, work hard and enrich yourself... When you become better and better, and when you stop waiting for his attention, you may find the answer in your heart. Whether to continue to protect this relationship or make a graceful turn, we believe you already have the answer in your heart.

In any case, there are numerous advantages to self-improvement. It is my hope that Lin'er's response will assist you in developing a more nuanced perspective. Best regards,

Hello!

I'm Kelly. Let's talk about your problem. Please forgive me if I say something you don't like.

[Boyfriend wants to be alone]

How long have you known your relationship-for-four-years-broken-up-with-me-can-we-get-it-back-10262.html" target="_blank">boyfriend?

Do you know each other?

We assume he's alone because...

1: The other person has mental health issues.

He is introverted, needs to recharge, and likes to be alone. If this is why he wants to be alone, you can adapt to each other.

Then you can get to know his family.

2: He's been out of touch for days.

Dear questioner, If there are other reasons for his loss of contact, can you accept it?

Just in case.

My classmate met her boyfriend and he sent her flowers and breakfast every day. She had lacked love since she was young and immediately fell into this relationship.

After a long relationship, I had a few doubts.

1: He hasn't introduced her to his friends, but he's involved in my classmates' lives.

2: He has multiple girlfriends.

3: He loses contact when he goes on trips or is with a girlfriend.

✅[About taking a vacation]

He said he wanted to take a vacation, and it was his idea. He didn't respect your feelings. If you also say you want to take a vacation, you can try it and see his reaction. Is it possible that he only allows himself to take vacations and not others?

See if your relationship can stand the test. I still suggest you try it. Test each other. How do you treat him? If he goes missing for a few days, you go missing for a few days too. At least this way, he can experience how you feel.

If he thinks, he will feel for others too.

[Sending gifts after six months of no contact]

1: Practical issues like the impact of the epidemic are understandable.

2: There's a saying for couples: "One day apart is like three autumns."

3: Sending a gift shows he understands you.

4: He will give you gifts. What do you think they mean?

Were you moved by his gift? Did it make you trust him and feel he loves you?

✅[About breaking up]

Ask yourself if he's your ideal partner, if you've been in a relationship, and if you know him well enough. Also, ask yourself if you want to stay with him. If so, you'll need to be strong and have courage to face life's challenges.

Make a list.

1. His strengths

2. His weaknesses

3: His original family (know more about them, as they may affect him)

4: Love and marriage are different. Marriage requires passion, commitment, and responsibility.

5: The answer is in your heart.

Be yourself.

Dear, We all need independence in love and marriage. You can get by on your own for more than six months. How did you get by before he and you didn't know each other?

Love and happiness!

1: While you're young, study, read, and find things that make you happy.

2: Focus on your hobbies. Think about your ideals and what the future will look like. Hobbies will make your life fulfilling and you can also gain friendships.

3: Love yourself, and you'll love others too.

4: Read Becoming Myself.

5: There are reading groups and communities on 17psych.com, and you can write articles.

6: You are precious.

If you keep growing, you'll find love too.

7: Choose to cherish those who cherish you, read more, and reflect on your life.

That's all for today. Ask if you have any questions.

I'm Kelly.

Happy

I love you, world.

Hi, I'm Bai Mayuzhu, a psychological counselor. It seems like you're having some issues with your boyfriend. He's reluctant to communicate with you and often goes missing for days at a time. You also mentioned that you want to take a vacation, and that you're in different places. He gives you gifts every month, but I think that since you've expressed your confusion, you must already feel insecure and have certain needs that aren't being met, right? It's okay, let's take a look at this together.

I don't know the background of your relationship or how you get along, so I can only make an assumption based on what you've told me. If you've always gotten along this way, I think you should clarify your thoughts. Is this relationship what you want? If not, what should we do to get rid of it? If you don't want to break up, what do you care about? Can you turn the part you care about into something you can obtain through hard work?

If your relationship didn't start out this way but has become this way over time, you might want to think about why that is, why your boyfriend wants to take a break, and whether he is under pressure. How did the relationship gradually become this way, and what effective ways can we use to resolve the problems between the two of you?

This might involve thinking about how to live together in a harmonious way.

I also see that you said in the last sentence that if you give him a vacation, then what is a better use of the time saved? I would guess that you may have focused too much on your significant other, to the point that if you're not with him, you don't even know what to do, right? When two people get together, they are two independent adults who work together, each with the ability to live independently and lead a good life. When the two come together, there will be no sense of dependence or being dependent, and they can achieve the effect of 1+1>2. It's not that one person in a relationship must carry the other and be responsible for the other's joys and sorrows. This can put a lot of pressure on the other person, who may feel constantly overwhelmed and want to escape. They may gradually lose themselves in their dependence. Appropriate dependence is an opportunity to give the other person a sense of accomplishment, but it's better not to overdo it.

I hope my answer is helpful. If you need to, feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always here for you, sweetie!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

When I saw the question, I was curious about the problem the questioner was facing, so I clicked in. The questioner said her boyfriend was always reluctant to communicate with her. Communication is the foundation of any relationship. Without it, conflicts arise due to various issues, and it's impossible to resolve them effectively due to a lack of communication.

He avoids communication and frequently loses contact. He claims he needs a few days off, which is understandable when you're tired. Is his work particularly tiring? If so, he needs sufficient rest to complete it. Otherwise, there are other factors at play.

You need to analyze the situation.

If the boyfriend is too tired from work to keep in touch with the questioner, he needs to consider the consequences of this job for himself. Work is only a part of our lives, and if it leaves him with no energy to maintain social relationships and other things, it means that this job is occupying too much of his time and he is not getting enough out of it.

The boyfriend needs to be asked what he does during these so-called vacations. Has the questioner tried to find out? This is also relevant to the question of whether the questioner should break up with him. If the vacations are just an excuse to spend less time with the questioner and to avoid communication, then this attitude is already very clear: he wants to dilute the relationship in this way.

If he does nothing during his vacation, then the questioner needs to pay more attention to her boyfriend. People don't hide from others for no reason. They're often afraid that their emotional problems will cause trouble for others, so they hide them from others rather than let them know. The questioner's boyfriend is out of contact relatively often. If this is really the case, then he is still under a lot of pressure.

Tell me your thoughts.

The questioner does not appreciate this behavior from her boyfriend. They are in different places and see each other infrequently. During the brief time they do have together, he claims he wants to rest and take a vacation. If this persists for a long time, it will undoubtedly hurt her feelings.

The questioner needs to express her thoughts to her boyfriend. They should discuss and solve problems together, since it is a relationship between a man and a woman. Regardless of the situation with the questioner's boyfriend, his unwillingness to communicate is pushing her away.

If the questioner hasn't expressed it before, they should do so clearly to let their boyfriend know their disgust and emotions. Then, they should see what his attitude is. If he still maintains the same attitude after expressing it, the questioner should consider whether it is necessary to continue to make the effort and what they will get in return.

Take care of yourself.

When two people are together, it's not necessary to give all your time to your partner. You still have your own things to do. Regardless of the final choice the original poster makes, she can arrange her own pace of life.

Make the most of your free time by catching up with friends, going shopping, chatting, watching movies, singing, or doing anything else you enjoy. You don't need to gather with friends to have a fulfilling experience. Take a walk and admire the scenery, watch dramas at home, increase your hobbies, and learn some special skills.

This may seem like killing time, but it also makes you a better person. Only when we are better can we become more confident. A confident person views things more calmly and wisely.

The questioner should read the book It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love. She can read it with her boyfriend and together they will learn how to get along better with their partner and keep their relationship warm.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner.

Please share your insights on a regular basis. I tend to speak to myself.

It would be beneficial to consider the problem from a different perspective.

Please take a moment to consider your own response to these situations. How do you handle feelings of distress or stress?

I believe that the majority of women in this situation would choose to confide in their closest friends and share their concerns.

Have you ever considered the state of a man when he is depressed or under excessive pressure?

If nothing unexpected occurs, I believe that most women will be surprised when they inquire about this matter. They will be unable to consider his state for a moment.

It is not that you cannot think of anything; it is simply that you rarely see a man in an awkward situation.

When a man is in a bad mood or encounters a problem, he tends to remain silent and avoid confrontation. He often retreats to a private space to reflect and identify solutions.

I hope you do not disturb him, and even less so that you attempt to offer him a solution.

Rest assured that he will emerge from his contemplative state in due course and respond to your query.

It is advisable to be prepared.

It is unreasonable to expect a man who has been in a negative emotional state to immediately become as frank and open with you as he was previously, or to resume his usual level of tenderness and affection in a short period of time. Similarly, it is unrealistic to expect an angry and agitated woman to calm down and regain her senses in a second. It is a fact that men cannot always be tender and considerate, regardless of personal beliefs.

It is just as challenging for women to maintain a consistently rational and logical demeanor. Therefore, it is advisable for women not to have overly optimistic expectations of men, as these may lead to disappointment when not met.

It is important for both men and women to understand the following:

When a man appears to ignore his partner, I believe it is important to remind him that this may be perceived as such by the woman in question. It is possible that the man is simply dealing with a challenging situation or emotion in his own unique way.

It is not necessary for women to overthink the situation and create a fuss. It is also important for men to pay close attention to a woman's emotions, provide reassurance, and help alleviate her concerns.

I will conclude with a quote from John Gray's book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus:

The most significant challenge for men is:

To correctly understand and interpret a woman's words when she is rambling on and provide timely assistance and comfort.

The most significant challenge for women is:

When a man is silent, it is important to correctly interpret and respond to his silence in a way that is supportive and understanding.