What price did I pay for my habitual repression?

Dear Question Asker,

After listening to your story, I was troubled by one question: under what circumstances would a parent compare their child to an orphan, or even say hurtful things like, "You have a father and a mother, what more do you want?" This sentence, when taken at face value, suggests a scenario in which a child is being recklessly scolded by their parents for making a mistake. The implication is that the child's lack of parental discipline is being held up as a negative example, and the child is being blamed for their own lack of self-discipline and consideration.

In this scenario, we are the weaker, more dependent party. Furthermore, we have not yet formed a correct sense of right and wrong, which prevents us from identifying a reason to argue back and forces us to simply follow. Consequently, we are the party that is wrong and deserves to be blamed, while they are positioned high above us on the side of right and attack us recklessly.

As we mature, however, and gain further experience and a more comprehensive understanding of the world, we often find that the reasoning of others is not entirely reasonable. It is rare for us to adjust our own actions based on the actions and behaviors of others. Instead, we tend to choose our own preferred behavior patterns based on our own preferences or dislikes. As Wu Zhihong observed, "A person's lifelong wish is to live out themselves." Even if others can serve as our role models or negative examples, those are choices made based on our own subjective wishes, not the will imposed by others.

Having gained this insight, it has also become apparent that "family members never grow up." They lack the capacity to comprehend the distinctiveness of individuals and instead perceive the world through the lens of their own thoughts and perspectives. Despite this, they are convinced that they have grasped the truth and persist in issuing lectures to us. As we are unable to alter their behaviour, we are compelled to endure their lectures. Gradually, we ceased to be emotionally responsive. Initially, we erected a formidable barrier between ourselves and our parents, but we soon discovered that even when we are in harmony with others, an invisible barrier persists between us. In this vast world, we feel isolated and alone.

Fortunately, we subsequently encountered an individual who demonstrated an understanding of our circumstances and with whom we were amenable to sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings. We finally found a sense of resolution and resolution. However, this period of stability was short-lived. Circumstances conspired to place a significant obstacle between us and the person who had begun to occupy a central role in our lives, effectively rendering them a mere transient.

As a result of this incident, the optimism that had been gradually cultivated for the world at large was abruptly and dramatically undermined. A profound sense of desolation and despair ensued.

After processing your narrative through artistic means, I experienced a certain degree of despondency and unease. However, I also discerned glimmers of optimism amidst the despair.

1. It is painful to recall past experiences, yet they offer a valuable lesson in restraint. Despite the pain they have caused, past experiences have taught us that we cannot treat our family and friends in any way we see fit. It is easy to stand on the moral high ground and accuse others, but it is not easy to understand others and not to benchmark others' behavior with that of a third party. Those who have withstood the test should be able to consider issues from the other person's point of view with relative ease.

We were previously in a state of weakness and vulnerability, but we have since matured and assumed responsibility for our own growth. It is simple to cling to the past as a means of avoiding accountability for mistakes, but it is challenging to transition from the past to a future-oriented perspective. You are already exploring and contemplating pathways to a more fulfilling life.

3. It is simple to be myopic, yet difficult to consider matters in a comprehensive manner. One simultaneously holds positive and negative sentiments towards one's family members. One does not wholly negate their past actions, yet is cognizant of their shortcomings. This exemplifies a quality of wisdom that will prove invaluable in the future, enabling a deeper comprehension of others and sound decision-making.

In light of the aforementioned considerations, it is now appropriate to return to the final question: What can be done to find a better life?

1. It is essential to clarify one's own definition of a better life. Those who lack basic necessities such as food and clothing perceive a better life as one where they have sufficient resources to meet their basic needs. Conversely, individuals who are isolated and in need of assistance view a better life as one where they receive the support they require. Therefore, it is crucial to determine one's own definition of a better life.

What are the standards?

2. Identify the available means and resources. If the objective is to achieve a certain level of academic performance, one can utilize books, teachers, and classmates to attain the desired outcome. Consequently, it is essential to ascertain the available means and resources that can be employed to achieve the desired life goals.

3. What is the optimal method for initiating and maintaining commitment? If one wishes to run a full marathon, one can begin with a shorter distance, such as one, two, or five kilometers, and seek guidance and support along the way to gradually achieve the longer goal. Thus, for the goals one wishes to achieve, what are the small, achievable, and adaptable attempts one can make at the beginning?

Hello, I am Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun, and I'm so happy you're here! Thank you for sharing your story with me. I can feel your distress, confusion, pain, and sense of loneliness, as well as the heavy sense of helplessness and powerlessness, and I'm here to help!

You want to escape from this living (family) environment, but there is nowhere to escape to; you grope your way through the darkness, and find a ray of light that gives you confidence and courage. When you achieve your goal, the light disappears, once again leaving you in darkness, confusion, and helplessness. But then, something amazing happens! You find yourself standing in the light, ready to take on the world!

As you grew up, you gradually found the problem, and "pulsed" the symptoms of your family members and even the family/clan. You are full of hope in the midst of despair, because you believe that their illness can be cured, and you are ready to take action!

First, let me give you a big, warm hug! You have worked hard over the years, and you have so much to be proud of. You have also endured so much suffering alone, and you have come so far.

Now, let's dive in and see where these problems lie!

Oh, come on! You can't escape your family fate!

Everyone is deeply influenced by their family of origin and parents. We always feel like we grew up under our parents' "control," and some people even think they can never escape their parents' "clutches."

This may be a bit pessimistic, but it's also an opportunity for a positive change!

Absolutely! Parents have a huge impact on us. They're our biggest fans and supporters, guiding us through life with unconditional love and encouragement. They're our cheerleaders, pushing us to reach for the stars and helping us grow into our best selves.

For example, the ability to love (unconditional acceptance as a child), the ability to connect with others, a sense of security (the relationship with parents, the parenting style), self-worth and independence (parents' affirmation, praise and recognition of us). All of these things are so important for our development as individuals!

These are all indispensable psychological nutrients for our growth! Without them, we'll naturally experience obstacles in different stages of life. For example, a person with a lack of security will face challenges in interpersonal relationships and emotions. But the good news is that we can overcome these challenges with the right psychological nutrients!

He will seek security and love in his relationships, and he will find it!

Absolutely not! We can absolutely escape the shackles of our family of origin.

When we were young, we didn't have the full capacity to judge and couldn't fully exercise our independence. But now that we're adults, we can fully become our own significant others! We can provide ourselves with psychological nourishment and nourish ourselves to grow.

As you can see, you received the most criticism as a child, and when you were 20 years old, you suddenly understood the problem that had been troubling you. This is growth, and growth is a proposition that naturally brings out all kinds of emotions — and it's an amazing process!

"Beyond the Family of Origin" is a must-read for you! While we can't change what happened in the past, we can absolutely change our attitude towards it.

Look at the past positively and optimistically! Looking at the past through the lens of the future is a great way to break out of a difficult situation.

2. How can I reconcile with my parents?

By seeing more perspectives, you can see the truth of more issues, and thus have more choices—it's a win-win!

As you said, "My family never grows up," they think like 10-year-olds. And you know what? If you put yourself in their shoes, you'll see the real reason for their behavior: their cognitive level.

It's so interesting how everyone uses their own values and standards to judge a person or thing! All the things your parents did to you were because their mindset determined and influenced their behavior.

And now for something really exciting!

Everyone has their own amazing patterns: behavior patterns, emotional patterns, and thinking patterns! They bring these patterns into their various relationships.

Parents also have their own limitations, but they can be overcome! The environment in which they grew up and the education

Parents also have their own limitations. The environment in which they grew up and the education they received have become "obstacles" to their interpersonal relationships. But here's the good news: despite their actions, they still love you!

This may be an "unintentional mistake," but it's also an opportunity for growth! They may not know what love is or how to love, but they have the potential to learn and grow. And who knows? They might even find true love one day!

The good news is that you can break the cycle of intergenerational inheritance by learning, growing, progressing, and reflecting.

In a family, the first person to walk out is often the one who has contributed the most to the family/clan. You figured something out at the age of 20 and saw more of the truth about the problem, so you were able to give yourself more choices—and that's a great thing!

Seeing what your parents give you, want for you, and are good to you; expressing gratitude; and accepting their imperfections is not forgiving. It's simply understanding the real reason behind their actions: "It's not that they want to hurt you." And that's a great thing!

When you are grateful inside, a sense of compassion will naturally arise! Parents also need love and need to learn to love. When someone is capable of love and has love in their life, they can love themselves, and they can love others too!

Hate will ultimately make you become the person you once hated—but you can be something better!

Your sense of loneliness is the result of not receiving due recognition, praise, and approval from your parents. This has continued for a long time, but it can change! It has slowly become internalized as your subjective evaluation of yourself, but you can change that too!

Guess what! Your sense of loneliness is due to the fact that you did not receive due recognition, praise, and approval from your parents. And this has been the case for a long time. But here's the good news: you can change it! It has slowly become internalized as your subjective evaluation of yourself.

You can absolutely give yourself a good evaluation! And you can give others a good evaluation too. When you do, you'll enjoy the happiness of connecting with others in interpersonal interactions.

Loneliness is a kind of isolation, an isolation from others/from the outside world, and an escape from reality. But there's a way out! The whole person is closed off, the heart is closed, so it is lonely at heart. But you can change that!

Get rid of that feeling of loneliness!

1. Absolutely! Stay aware and spend some time with your loneliness.

2. You can change "passive" to "active" and "I had to..." to "I chose to..."

3. Give yourself positive feedback all the time to boost your sense of self-worth!

If you don't get enough affirmation from your parents, there's an easy fix! Just give yourself positive feedback, affirm and approve of yourself, and accept yourself.

"I am a life form, I need love, I deserve love!"

"With a sunny face, confident and happy, I'm going to live my life to the fullest!"

"Have firm beliefs, meet challenges, and believe that you can do it!"

And the best part is, shouting it out loud will give you some extra life force!

And finally, the best thing you can do is turn from seeking outwardly to cultivating inwardly!

Seeking externally places the focus on the external, material, and the affirmation of others.

If you look outside for happiness, you'll always experience the loss and pain of not getting what you want. But here's the good news: once these external things are taken away, you'll rise up and conquer your despair and pain!

Guess what! You can find security even without a job with five social insurances and one housing fund. And it all comes from within!

Cultivating oneself is all about paying attention to one's own growth. And there's nothing more exciting than learning, because it's the key to achieving self-maturity and growth!

Life is full of amazing experiences! Sometimes, we get to experience great joy or great sorrow. While these moments are often irreversible, they are still incredible.

And learning can also enhance the sense of experience of life! I can't wait to walk together with you on the path of learning and growth.

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that the world and I love you! ??

If you want to continue communicating, you can click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I can't wait to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!

I hug you because I think you're lonely and misunderstood in your family.

You feel alone even though your loved ones are close by. It seems that your family cannot see or understand your true needs. They criticize you for needing your family.

You were accused of having excessive and undeserved needs.

This has made you feel confused in the past. Perhaps you were young and didn't know how to be right. How should you express your needs?

You may doubt why your needs are considered unreasonable.

Such an environment makes you resent your parents and family members. You can't vent this resentment at home because they won't understand. You can only suppress it.

You have a lot of negative emotions inside, but you've gotten used to having no family to respond to. You've hidden your emotions and yourself from others. Seeing this, I want to hug you for your strength, independence, and depth of thinking.

You ask what price you paid for repression. How can you live better without being trapped by reality?

Let's look at this.

You know what the price has been.

Think about why you hate.

What are the bad feelings and bad experiences you had?

Why did this happen? How did it affect you?

What did you lose? What did you gain?

If you could do it all over, how would you like to be treated?

These issues help you understand your emotions and experiences.

How can you have a better life?

You asked a good question. I'm happy to help. So how do you do it?

My first piece of advice is to accept your past. You have resentment and were suppressed, but these things are in the past.

Take care of yourself. Learn to comfort yourself. Be your own biggest supporter.

My second piece of advice is to love yourself.

You have to practice to learn to discover your own strengths, do the things you are good at and like, live according to your heart's desires, and live each day with love for yourself.

My last piece of advice is to find out what you really want and try to achieve it. You can create your own world.

Discover your true desires. It may be a career, or something else. Pursue your true love.

Click the upper right corner to find a coach and communicate with me further in the Heart Exploration coaching service.

I hope these suggestions help.

Good luck!

My friend:

Hello!

You tell your story like this: you say that when you were little, the most criticism you got was when your parents said to you, "There are a lot of orphans in the world, and other people live just fine without a father or a mother."

In the first few years of life, we have the amazing ability to communicate with our emotions! Unfortunately, criticism from parents can make us feel ignored. They might say that our needs and feelings are unreasonable and that we shouldn't have any complaints or emotions.

Over time, your needs, emotions, and feelings are not communicated, understood, accepted, or reflected. This is an amazing opportunity for growth and change!

Based on this, I suspect that your attachment to your parents may be more distant, so you always feel lonely and depressed. You obviously live with your family, but it's as if they don't exist. Children growing up in such a family environment lacking in empathy may develop an avoidance coping strategy to deal with their painful emotions. In other words, children learn to avoid and suppress their needs and feelings. But don't worry! This just means that you have the opportunity to learn new ways of coping with your emotions.

I think this is where your habitual repressive approach comes from, and I'm excited to help you change it!

Depression is an attack directed at oneself, a release of aggression on oneself, because attacking oneself is safe. If you attack your parents and direct your anger and hostility at them, you may get yourself into more trouble.

Depression is also a signal, just like the indicator light in the car that tells us whether we need to add water or fuel. When we are depressed, our emotions may prompt us to rest more, relax, take care of ourselves, not beat ourselves up, and not try too hard. This is your body's way of telling you to slow down and take care of yourself!

If you're struggling to regulate your emotions, don't worry! There are plenty of amazing professionals out there who can help you heal those emotional wounds from your early years.

Best regards! I'm so excited to see you soon!

Hello, I'm Shuya Qingzheng. I'd like to share my thoughts and support you.

Childhood memories are often of being criticized, picked on, or subjected to harsh demands. Many of our feelings and needs as children were not allowed or supported. Did you feel bad?

Hugs!

You can understand your feelings and needs and seek help. You are great!

Erikson's theory of psychological development in eight stages tells us that

A healthy person goes through eight stages. At each stage, we have different needs, ask new questions, and meet people who influence us.

The first stage is basic trust versus distrust (infancy, 1–2 years).

In infancy, we ask if we can trust the world.

If we learn to trust someone, we can trust others. If we feel afraid, we may distrust.

Our mother is the most important person in our development at this stage.

The second stage is between ages two and four.

In early childhood, we explore our bodies and ask, "Can I be myself?"

If we can discover ourselves, we gain confidence. Otherwise, we feel shame and doubt.

Both parents are important at this stage.

The third stage is the initiative to guilt stage (4–5 years).

In preschool, we try new things and learn basic laws. We ask ourselves if we can do what we are doing.

If we are encouraged, we can follow our interests. If we are stopped or told we are doing something wrong,

We feel guilty. We learn from family members.

Stage 4: Diligence vs. inferiority (5–12 years)

During this period, we discover our interests and realize we're different. We want to prove we can do things right.

We ask ourselves if we can succeed in the world. If our teachers and peers approve of us, we work harder.

If we get too much negative feedback, we may avoid situations and become insecure.

Phase 5: Identity vs. Role Confusion (ages 13–19)

In adolescence, we learn about different social roles. We are friends, students, children, and citizens. Many people have identity crises.

If our parents let us explore the outside world, we can find our identity. If they force us to follow their views, we will feel confused.

Peers and role models are key to learning in this phase.

Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Loneliness (ages 20–40)

In early adulthood, we slowly come to understand who we are. We let go of relationships from earlier stages to fit in with the group.

We ask if we can love others. If we can make long-term commitments, we feel confident and happy.

If we can't make close friends, we may feel lonely.

Friends and partners are important at this stage.

You've gone through these stages. Understanding them can help you understand what you're lacking and accept yourself better. With the help of supportive people around you, you can learn to keep trying, learn from your failures, and learn through action.

This supportive force can be a counselor, teacher, or friend. It can also be you, becoming more aware and awakened.

02. Depression can stop you from sharing your feelings with your parents. This can cause problems in your relationship.

As you said, parents often fail to see their own needs.

When you were sad or afraid, your parents wanted to encourage you and protect you.

You can see these parts now that you're older and have learned about psychology. You can also try to see your parents' lack of resources, helplessness, and initial intentions.

You understand and accept them more now. That's great!

This is an important step to becoming a better you.

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, said, "The best way to live is to change what you can and accept what you cannot."

Some things are out of our control, so we must accept them. We can also try to think differently about problems.

You may not have had understanding or acceptance from your parents, but you have also become independent, resilient, rational, and profound.

Growth and change require a process. Recognizing the problem is the first step.

In all relationships, put yourself first. Love yourself, be self-aware, care for yourself, and grow yourself. When you love yourself, love flows to nourish the relationship.

Love yourself by investing in your body and mind, nourishing and enriching yourself, healing yourself, and growing and developing yourself to become a better person.

Best regards!

I love you and hope to help.

I'm a heart exploration coach at One Psychology. Click "Find a coach" to keep talking.

You're probably an adult now. You're still depressed and your love-hate relationship has taken a lot of energy, but you can still figure out what you want to do in the future. You can break through the current shackles and resolve your resentment.

Let your negative emotions drive you. Don't suppress your pain. Think about what the future holds. When you feel lonely, is it psychological?

Do you feel like no one understands you? Is it possible that your family can't give you the answers you want? You have your own ideas, but you also feel tired and worried about other people's judgments.

You're confused and stressed. People are pressuring you, and the person you met is making you unhappy.

Your family is not mature, which makes you feel helpless. You need to express your pain and emotions. Record your hatred and pain in your diary. Face your problems now.

Focus on stabilizing your state of mind. You can also seek counseling or meditation training to improve your mental strength. Record your progress.

Even if you can control your emotions better, that would be great. As a coach, I also recommend you take the tests for potential internal trauma to understand your trauma index and reach a clearer understanding. You have your own future, and it's not bound to your parents. There are boundaries between you. Come on.

ZQ?

From the comments and replies to the original poster's question, it's clear that the poster is someone who thinks deeply about their own life and situation.

I'm happy to say that these reflections and actions have helped the original poster to some extent to understand his own family of origin, the changes in his psychological state, and the current predicament he faces.

So, if you want to find a better life, what do you do?

I just wanted to share something in response to this point, which I think you'll find really helpful.

First, try to learn to live with loneliness, depression, and grief. It can be hard, but you can try to regard them as playmates rather than enemies.

After long periods of doubt and reflection, I truly believe you have a deep and very personal understanding of the emotions of loneliness and depression.

Loneliness is just a part of life, and learning to live with it is all about getting to know your inner self.

The most common criticism from family members implies a conditional expectation: "If you have a father and a mother, you should be happy, and what right do you have to ask for more?"

But the amazing thing about us humans is that we have the power to grow upward and improve ourselves. It's like a seed that doesn't want to stay buried in the loneliness of the ground. It's only when it breaks through that it can start to grow and flourish. This might be a sign that our inner strength is looking for a way to show itself.

It's also totally normal to feel lonely when those closest to you don't give you the support you need.

Depression can also get in the way of our relationships with others. When someone comes along to help us, it's like a ray of sunshine! But when that person leaves us, it can feel like a shadow has fallen over our lives.

No matter what it is—loneliness, depression, or grief—they've become a part of our lives in a big way.

They've also been with us through some tough times.

If we erase them, we'll be erasing the past. But if we acknowledge and accept them, we'll be opening ourselves up to a whole new world of possibilities and experiences in the future!

This is because if they are playmates, they will become allies, increasing our inner strength and enabling us to see other aspects of life. If they are enemies, we will have to expend more mental energy fighting them and depleting our self.

So, give it a try! It might just be one of the best things you can do for yourself.

2. Family members are like teenagers, so treat them as such with love and understanding.

"My family never grows up." They think like teenagers, with simple minds that can hardly tell right from wrong. It can be tough when this happens! Sometimes, when I clearly want to clarify something, I always have compassion at that time and can't bear to pursue it.

It's so great to see that you've already taken steps to accept the current situation and find a path that works for you, towards a better life.

We can't choose our family, but we can choose how we treat them.

This attitude can, on the one hand, help you to be more tolerant of the different things your family does, as you mentioned, "compassion." On the other hand, it also gives you the chance to focus your attention back on yourself.

You know, compared to when you were a child, you now have so much more power and initiative to find the life you want. They will become the background that influences your life, but they can no longer interfere with your own life as the main body of life.

Since your mental level is that of a child, try treating them like a child. You know what? The better life you want can be found in exploring your own self.

I'm not trying to explore human nature here, but just to share some thoughts from a psychologist who cares about the human heart. I really hope things work out for you!

Hello, host. I admire your dedication to this topic, which I know is not easy to think about. I hope you can continue to reflect on it. I believe that thinking is beneficial for brain health, and it's possible that you may gain new insights and unexpected ideas.

It is widely acknowledged that the human mind is a complex entity. Our interactions with our parents, as well as the external stimuli we encounter in society, shape our cognitive models, value standards, behavioural habits and so forth, influenced by a multitude of genetic factors.

Given that no two people have the same experiences, it is understandable that everyone is unique. This unique sense of pride in one's individuality can also, unfortunately, lead to feelings of loneliness when there is a lack of understanding.

The complexity of family emotions is due to blood ties and spending a long time together, which can lead to stronger and more automatic thinking. It would be beneficial for family members to be able to understand and support each other easily. Indeed, in terms of material and basic emotional support, family ties are stronger than those with outsiders.

Reaching a level of mutual understanding and appreciation at the spiritual level is a challenging endeavor. As the saying goes, it is difficult to find a true friend.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that finding your own interests and hobbies, exploring and learning in the areas that interest you, and gaining experience in these ways can lead to a greater sense of satisfaction. Of course, to truly feel satisfaction, it's important to work hard towards your goals in real life.

I hope the original poster can find his own goals.

For a long time, you've been asking yourself why you always feel lonely. In that feeling, you get another result: you hate them. But here's the good news! You already have a father and mother, so you know what you want. You want to connect with them. You want to play games and chat. You want to have fun together! You're ready to turn your parents down for various reasons. You're ready to take the leap!

Your family members never grow up, and it may seem that you have found the answer to all your problems, and that you have suddenly become very happy. You may have your own helpless understanding of the causes and consequences of things, but that doesn't mean you can truly accept them from the bottom of your heart. This is perfectly normal. After all, who doesn't want the best for themselves? But you are always faced with the bad, and you have to keep convincing yourself to accept it. It's really quite soul-destroying. But guess what? You can do it! You can accept the bad and keep going. You can keep convincing yourself to be happy. You can keep striving for the best for yourself. You can keep being the best you can be!

In this life, people of all kinds will meet, and there will be things that you can't help but encounter. Many times, you have to grit your teeth and accept them. Just like me at this moment, in order to earn a high salary, I have the incredible opportunity to leave my hometown in Henan and embark on a new adventure in a distant place like Xinjiang to work. I'm learning more about my side business and if I have the chance, I'll turn it into a survival skill and earn a little extra money. What else can I do? Life is full of possibilities, so just improve little by little. There's no rush, and you can't change everything at once. You know your life best, so try to find a breakthrough that suits you.

Hello, question owner, I can deeply empathize with your complex feelings after reading your statement and thinking about it. Let me answer your question first. If you want to pursue a better "life," then go for it! You may find that the pursuit often requires a supplement of courage at the beginning or in the process. You will find that your perception is often flogged. It's okay, cheer yourself up a little, and one day you will reach your ideal state. Listen to your inner voice and be yourself!

The questioner says that they love and hate their biological family. It's easy to understand the love, but I think the hatred is because their parents didn't give them enough companionship and a sense of security. They were obviously at an age when they needed to rely on others, but their parents kept emphasizing that they were giving them a lot. In this environment, over time, they would feel a sense of oppressive loneliness: they could feel their parents' love, but it was as if they couldn't rely on them.

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Parents try to understand you, who they think they can understand, with their usual way of thinking, but they can't always recognize your unique way of thinking and cognitive level. I think the questioner should have already far surpassed his or her parents in terms of cognitive dimension.

The questioner is more in pursuit of emotional and cognitive tolerance than the simplicity and rudeness of their parents.

In the questioner's daily life, it may be found that the parents' "teaching" may be in the opposite direction of the favorable side. What the questioner needs is self-identification, listening to the true thoughts in his or her heart, and being a little "selfish" will make him or her happier.

We all make mistakes. When you realize that you are a little unhappy with a decision you have made, you can let go of yourself little by little and slowly. You've got this!

Good day. I am Jinmu, the benevolent entity who offers guidance and support. It is my sincere hope that my response will prove beneficial to you.

Jinmu is a highly curious individual. After reading the questioner's description, Jinmu perused all the responses and the questioner's comments below the question as supplementary information to gain a deeper understanding.

Furthermore, given that the questioner is not anonymous, I also reviewed the questions and answers from the questioner in 2020. Upon examination of the material in its entirety, it became evident that the questioner's issues are both chronic and deeply entrenched.

In particular, Jinmu would like to propose that one should refrain from offering advice on matters of kindness without first experiencing the suffering of others oneself. It is not uncommon for those who provide advice, whether as answerers or consultants, to do so based on their own understanding and interpretation of the content described by the questioner. However, it is possible that some of the advice provided may be nothing more than meaningless clichés.

Given the considerable amount of information that he has acquired, Jinmu is reluctant to assert that he has attained the greatest degree of comprehension or that he has considered the subject matter in the most exhaustive manner. Nevertheless, he hopes that the advice he offers will prove beneficial.

The following advice is directed towards the questioner:

1. Isolated and elevated, one surveys the distant horizon.

At times, this is simply the reality of our existence. When we experience a sense of overwhelming distress and feel unable to breathe, others may offer the perception that we are doing relatively well, or even that we are whining.

"Can you cease to be so pretentious?" Many individuals are only aware of the anguish within their hearts and are the sole arbiters of their own struggles. Even when surrounded by friends and family, they may lack the capacity to empathize with another's sorrow. Consequently, the questioner must learn to navigate the long journey of life with solitude.

It is often the case that others are viewing the world from their own perspective, which can make it challenging to ascertain the most appropriate response.

Thus, Jinmu endeavors to utilize the metaphor of "standing alone on a tall building, looking out to the end of the world" to motivate and inspire you.

2. "I have experienced a significant reduction in my body weight as a result of wearing out my clothes for you, yet I do not harbor any regrets."

Individuals may exhibit stubborn tendencies, as a result of a tendency to repress and express themselves less, and to fight for their desires less vigorously. Over time, this can lead to feelings of unhappiness and depression. When individuals make changes, they are often met with considerable attention. However, they may then become reluctant to make further changes, which can result in a gradual decline into a more challenging situation.

"One thought in heaven, one step in hell." While we do not advocate causing harm to others, we cannot inflict self-harm due to a reluctance to cause harm to others. Therefore, it is recommended that the questioner consider a different perspective for addressing their obsession and madness. Instead of "endurance," it may be beneficial to engage in a cathartic release. As long as it is morally and legally appropriate and does not conflict with one's conscience, it is advisable to choose an outlet that aligns with one's preferences and engage in a comprehensive release of accumulated negative energy.

In terms of outlets for releasing pent-up energy, there is a plethora of options at one's disposal. These include, but are not limited to, basketball, swimming, rock climbing, scuba diving, racing, archery, singing, dancing, running, boxing, and any other pursuit one may desire. It is recommended that one pursues these activities with vigor.

In lieu of succumbing to despondency and allowing oneself to wither, it would be prudent to endeavor to rekindle one's youthful fervor. "I have worn out many a garment, but never regret it, for I have wasted away for her." May you find success in your endeavors!

3. "After searching for him a thousand times in the crowd, I suddenly looked back, and there he was in the dimly lit street."

From the aforementioned statements, it is evident that the subject's grandfather had a significant impact on the subject's life. It would not be an exaggeration to suggest that he served as a guiding light during the subject's formative years. It is understandable that the subject is saddened by the subject's grandfather's passing. However, it is important to recognize that life continues, and that the subject may encounter individuals who can serve as sources of guidance and support in the future.

It is preferable to pursue one's goals actively rather than remaining idle. When one is no longer engaged in the search and suddenly looks back, one may just see him or her.

It is a reasonable assumption that, in due course, each individual will encounter a suitable partner. It is important to have faith in this eventuality and in one's own abilities.

"I searched for him repeatedly amidst the crowd, and upon finally turning back, I discovered him in the dimly lit lanterns." I encourage you to do the same.

It is my sincere hope that the original poster will be able to overcome their difficulties, proceed in a step-by-step manner, and ultimately emerge from their current situation with a sense of optimism.

Good evening. After reading the responses from many people, I realized that this is actually a question I've been thinking about. What do we do about things we can't change ourselves?

After a lot of thought, I think it probably means accepting one's fate. Put simply, it means: "Okay, I have a terrible family of origin, and they have left me very lonely.

There's nothing I can do about it. I can't make that choice.

Then use your own initiative to see what you can do.

If you think of life as a game, then your family of origin and your past experiences are like a map.

If you've ever played a game, you know that the map has tasks, settings, and NPCs, and none of it can be changed if you want to play.

Your family of origin is a pretty rough map.

But you can step outside this map and open a new one. Of course, there are some things we can't change, like work or going to school.

We can take action on the existing, unchangeable map and put our own initiative to good use.

Of course, you can switch maps, just like you can change jobs or schools.

But we all need some kind of map, because we need social relationships and intimacy.

When it comes to relationships, you can create your own map. You can choose what kind of person you want to be with, what kind of house you want to live in, etc. It is something you can build.

I don't know your age, but I've always thought that intimate relationships and having children are the last bastion of meaning in life.

We're all just ordinary people looking for a bit of meaning in our lives.

I think you might benefit from some psychological support at this time. You may wish to speak with a counselor.

Then, accept your situation, don't complain, and don't give up, but plan for the future.

But you might have to overcome a challenge. Is it okay to let go of your loved ones? This is a tough test. Giving up doesn't mean cutting ties, but rather accepting them without pushing them to change.

It's thought to be a challenging situation, so it's probably a good idea to speak to a counselor.

I'm a counselor who's often Buddhist and sometimes positive. I love the world and I love you.

I believe that by suppressing your feelings, you have lost the opportunity to connect deeply with other people. You may have even taken on most of it yourself. It is true that not everyone with parents is necessarily happier than those without parents. Some parents just take care of their children in life, without a deep emotional connection with them. Some parents even don't know their own children as well as their friends who don't have children. I believe this is one of the reasons why you feel lonely. In addition, many children are raised by their parents from childhood to adulthood. Parents have already formed living and psychological habits over the years of caring for their children. They may think, "You will always be a child in your parents' eyes," which ignores the growth and changes in their children's hearts.

This is why losing a soulmate, someone who understands you, can be so painful. You only find a few people like this in your life.

My advice is simple: become your own friend. Understand your true thoughts and feelings more often. Until you meet your next soulmate, be your own soulmate. You can even talk to yourself. It's not about splitting yourself apart; it's about getting to know your inner self better through dialogue. If you have the opportunity to communicate directly with your parents and express your hopes for what they can do specifically, take it.

As you get older and gain more experience, you will gradually overcome your current problems, albeit at a slower pace.

Given the limited information I have from the text, I would appreciate it if you could let me know if I have offended you in any way.

Hello, questioner. I can sense the challenges you're facing from your description. Let me offer you a warm embrace first.

1.

You say that your parents are like teenagers, and in fact, you two cannot communicate smoothly and effectively. However, this also shows that you have really grown up, and you are able to look at them from a higher perspective and realize that they are not as majestic as you saw them when you were young.

2.

Many interpersonal relationships are affected by a lack of understanding of one's parents. Confusion and helplessness can result from this lack of understanding. Without the support and understanding of one's parents, it can feel very lonely in the world.

3.

It could be said that parents who are tolerant and open-minded are indeed fortunate, although it is not always the case that children are as lucky. The growth environment and experiences of parents can influence their horizons and thinking limitations.

4.

It can be challenging to bridge the gap between your world and his. It's not that he doesn't love you; it's more about the way he shows it. Many parents are so focused on just getting by that they don't always have the bandwidth to fully engage with their children's inner lives. This can make it difficult for you to feel the love you crave.

5.

The way parents treat their children is often a reflection of how their own parents treated them, and this way of treating is often passed down from generation to generation. However, there are also instances where we can feel the current state, which is also a kind of progress, because awareness is the beginning of change. We are all growing up in a spiral, and growth is inevitably painful. However, I believe that the pain is temporary. When you establish a new family, it is also a new beginning in your life. I hope that through your learning, you can change the situation that has been passed down from generation to generation!

6.

Parents have experienced a lifetime of challenges and have formed deeply ingrained beliefs and attitudes. While it can be challenging to alter their perspectives, we can still take steps to heal and strengthen our inner family. One approach could be to shift our perception of them, support our inner child in healing, and cultivate inner strength.

7.

I would suggest that you might find it helpful to listen to (The Neglected Child), (Healing the Inner Child), (The Family of Origin), (Why Family Hurts) and (The Power of Self-Growth). I feel that (The Power of Self-Growth) is particularly worth reading. You might also find Mr. Huang Shiming's Stop the Civil War helpful.

8.

You are fortunate to have encountered our platform at an early stage. If it is not a serious matter, you may also consider contacting a listener when it is convenient for you. If you are struggling to forgive and find yourself in a state of depression, you may wish to seek the support of a counselor. It is often the case that feelings of emptiness stem from a lack of emotional connections within our families. By strengthening our emotional bonds and interactions, we can work towards a more fulfilling and positive outlook.

If parents have not provided us with a gentle and beautiful cloak, and if we can learn to give ourselves this cloak, we will be better able to heal ourselves while also healing our parents.

I wish you all the best and hope that we can all be treated gently by the world.

Dear questioner,

I am truly grateful to have had the opportunity to connect with you here. Please accept this virtual embrace from afar.

I would like to thank the original poster for initiating this discussion through self-reflection and awareness. It is a valuable contribution to the topic of habitual suppression and its associated costs.

It is possible that each of us has experienced different "traumas/influences" brought to us by different original families. While these experiences may have had some impact on us at one stage, it is likely that our growth and life will be determined by our experience, acceptance, and understanding of life's experiences. Alternatively, it could be that, through the experience of "such a life," we have grown into our own unique selves.

I hope my thoughts and ideas on the topic of the question might be of some help to the questioner.

Perhaps we could try to

Let's begin by trying to understand the specific confusion or problem that the questioner is experiencing.

I have long had this question: why do I always feel lonely when there are no cases of separation or death among my loved ones? It seems like I have family living together, but it's not like that. I find myself experiencing a complex emotional state where I feel both love and hatred towards them, but I'm not sure why I feel this way.

Indeed, life can often feel lonely, and it's important to recognize that our own sense of solitude is something we can embrace. When we find it challenging to empathize with our loved ones, it's natural to experience a sense of loneliness in our relationships.

Could the reason we love and hate our loved ones be that they are "connected" to us? It seems that our feelings come from them, and our "thinking/perception/behavior/life strategies" are inextricably linked to theirs! It's hard to imagine that love and hate could exist without some underlying reason.

When I was a child, I often heard that I was fortunate to have a father and mother, and that many orphans and other children without parents were doing just fine. This made me wonder what I could possibly want. I tried to think of an answer, but I was still unsure.

It's possible that this kind of "criticism" is also due to the cognitive limitations of the elders. It's possible that their elders may also think this way, right? It's true that children who have parents are happy, but is that their level of cognition?

I find myself increasingly perplexed with each passing year, and the misunderstandings of those around me have led me to experience a certain degree of despondency.

However, it is natural for every living person to desire recognition. Initially, this desire is often directed towards our closest family members. As we grow up, we may become more aware of the fact that our thoughts are not always fully understood or accepted by those around us. This can sometimes lead to feelings of being overlooked or dismissed. Over time, these feelings may become suppressed. When we experience a lack of fulfilment in our desires, we may fall into depressive emotions, which is the essence of depression.

I was fortunate to meet a kind individual before I attempted to take my own life. With just a few words, he was able to grasp the situation I was in, and we connected. However, I was unprepared for the tragedy that unfolded less than three years later, when he passed away.

In the period following his passing, I found myself struggling to cope with the loss. I spent a great deal of time daydreaming, until I was suddenly struck by the realization that I had been grappling with a problem that had first emerged when I was 20 years old. That problem was the tendency of my family to remain stuck in a juvenile mindset, unable to discern right from wrong.

I find this fact to be more challenging than hateful. When I feel the need to clarify something, I try to approach it with compassion, even if it's difficult.

— When the questioner had suicidal thoughts, he encountered a "valuable person," and it could be said that they "hit it off at first sight" or "fell in love at first sight." It is possible that the encounter with the "valuable person" was a significant turning point in the questioner's life, offering an opportunity for growth and positive change.

His passing left the questioner with a great deal of pain and suffering. It is possible that it was experiencing such suffering that led the questioner to seek a way to find life in the midst of death. Expressing gratitude for the pain experienced has become a valuable part of our life growth and change.

—— When the questioner realizes that they are "daydreaming," it is the moment when you are "in the prime of your life" thinking about life in a "self-absorbed" way. Many things that you couldn't figure out in the past have become clear, for example, "family members who never grow up." It could be said that their level of "cognition/perspective/mentalization" is just like that of a teenager who has not yet become an adult. This could be seen as a limitation of their lives.

I am not currently pursuing this, but I would like to find a better life in the future. How might I go about doing that?

I am pleased to see that the questioner is able to think in this way, which demonstrates that the questioner has their own unique ideas and desires for life. I am grateful that we still have the capacity to think and feel, and with those desires in our hearts, let's find a better life in the way we want to live it!

— It might be helpful to focus on the "dreams/aspirations/blueprints" in our hearts, follow our dreams, and start a new and different life. There are a few ways you could approach this:

It might be helpful to consider the following:

First, it may be helpful to accept all of our past experiences, view our parents' actions with objectivity, and consider the impact of our original family from multiple perspectives.

1. While the early stages of our lives may be influenced by our family of origin, they cannot determine the rest of our lives. In the book "Parents Who Won't Grow Up," the life experiences and behavior patterns of our parents are described.

It could be said that parents are also "victims of a special upbringing environment."

2. The way our parents raised us was also largely the result of the interaction of various factors such as their family, culture, and society. When we blame our parents for all the harm we have suffered, we may unintentionally place the blame on the collective.

3. It may be helpful to learn to accept the imperfect existence of your parents. To objectively view your original family might involve accepting the reality of your parents' "appearance," and then letting go of our idealized expectations of our parents. In the future, it's possible that we'll find opportunities to reconcile with our parents in due course.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to consider reconstructing our perceptions and making positive changes in response to our dreams and aspirations.

1. It can be helpful to consider our parents from a variety of perspectives. When we recognize the limitations of our parents, we may be better able to understand and accept their imperfections. Additionally, we can try to adjust cognitive biases and actively look for the good things about our parents.

2. It can be helpful to learn to separate issues. In fact, in any interpersonal relationship, including the relationship with parents or a partner, it can be beneficial to learn to distinguish between our own issues and those of others.

It would be beneficial to learn to take responsibility for our own lives, including accepting all the consequences of our choices.

3. It may be helpful to look for opportunities to grieve and heal in response to the previous "valuable person" in our lives.

It may be helpful to consider that journaling or keeping an emotional diary can be a therapeutic practice. As the title suggests, when you are "daydreaming," you might try to record those inner feelings. It's often said that seeing is the beginning of healing.

It might be helpful to learn to read books on self-redemption. Here are some recommended titles: "Embrace Imperfection: A Healing Journey of Recognizing Your Own Story."

You might find it helpful to consider books such as The Healing Power of Stories, Saying Goodbye to Family Wounds, Loving Yourself Back, Parents Who Never Grow Up, and Embracing Your Inner Child, among others.

It might also be helpful to find a professional psychological teacher with whom you can communicate in depth and share your thoughts.

You might also consider trying sports, meditation, yoga, etc. It's important to remember that there is no one perfect method for grief healing. What works for one person may not work for another, and that's okay. You can choose the method that feels right for you to heal.

In summary, this is my understanding and response to the topic described by the questioner. I hope it will be of some positive and helpful inspiration to the questioner!

I am a person of many loves: sunshine, the world, and, most importantly, you. I love you with all my heart.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I try to be modest and self-effacing, and I try to remain true to myself.

From reading your description and some of your answers, I would like to commend you on your awareness.

Could it be that we sometimes excuse the behavior of our family members by saying, "My family never grows up"?

It appears that people may find it challenging to live happily without being influenced by their environment. However, it's important to recognize that the impact of different environmental influences can vary significantly.

Some people feel happy because they are needed and bothered, while others are so distressed by the trouble that they escape. Either way, it mainly has to do with one's inner state of mind, as well as one's abilities and values.

From the moment we are born, we find ourselves in a world that we might describe as a "circle," which gives us a stronger sense of presence. As a result, people have a natural desire to be noticed and loved.

In our childhood, the words we often hear have a great influence on us. The questioner is one of them. Now that I'm older, I've begun to notice this problem and think about it. I believe that one of the reasons for this is that my family members never grow up. So, I wonder if we are internally prepared to accept this and lower our expectations in terms of their behavior and expectations?

Perhaps if we could forgive and accept our family members' state of mind, we might feel better. I have spent the past few decades trying to understand my family better, but now that I understand them better, I am not sure what to do next.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether some adjustments might be beneficial. Many successful people recommend "breaking, giving up, and letting go," but it can be challenging to know how to apply this advice in practice.

The way we live our lives is influenced by our focus.

Everyone has a deep longing for warmth and understanding. Home is often seen as a haven for many. However, we are all first-time people, and navigating this journey can be challenging. Living differently will lead to different outcomes.

It may be helpful to consider that the questioner's haven does not necessarily provide additional strength. Instead, it might be beneficial to focus on developing your own inner strength.

Perhaps it would be helpful to let go of the struggle with your family of origin and stop internalizing.

Families and their members are like the branches and roots of a tree. Since we cannot obtain nutrients through our families, it would be beneficial for us to consider ways of giving back to our families. Look, carrots, potatoes, peanuts, and other fruits that are nutritious and well-received by people all grow downward.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider a change of perspective and re-plan your life, as you still have the ability and right to choose, and thus the power to make yourself happy.

If we had expectations in the past, we might consider letting go of them at the moment we realize our position. We could try relying on ourselves and being our own support. As for right and wrong, they might not be as important as we think. Improving our ability to be alone could give us a stronger sense of security. If the past few decades have been too exhausting, we could try changing our state of mind and approach to make the next few decades more fulfilling and sunny.

It might be said that people's energy fields can be transformed.

I wish you the best.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you.

Be grateful for the encounter!

You are a thoughtful person who is eager to find answers to questions about your surroundings, your parents, and yourself. Even though your parents are both still alive, you feel lonely and lack a companion. But this companion is spiritual, and that's something to be excited about!

A big, warm hug for you!

You are so aware of your stress and emotions, and you are so brave for wanting to make a change!

I just wanted to give you a big thumbs-up!

I have some suggestions that I really hope will help!

First of all, loneliness is the lack of a spiritual companion, even though parents are around and relatives are close by. But what you seek is not material and interpersonal distance companionship.

What you need is spiritual companionship! So, when the person who understood you passed away three years later, you were even more saddened by the lack of a spiritual partner.

And you became lonely again.

Second: Embrace your parents' imperfections! When you were a child, your parents were all-powerful because you were always by their side.

You are so good at thinking! It's amazing how quickly your inner age is growing up. And you've discovered some of your parents' shortcomings, too!

Sometimes you might even suppress yourself from communicating with them. It is also a normal phenomenon to realize the inadequacy of your parents after growing up. The key to the development of a family is that the children grow up beyond their parents, which is a wonderful thing!

Third: tolerance and acceptance. While you are constantly improving your personal awareness, you also need to tolerate and accept your surroundings. This is an exciting step! If you look at your surroundings with a critical eye, it will make you feel stuck and affect your growth.

Tolerance and acceptance are the absolute best for your growth!

Fourth: Find like-minded people! There are so many excellent psychology teachers at Yixinli. You can participate in more activities and hang out with these excellent teachers. If you can't figure something out, you can also get psychological counseling. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel!

I love you, world! And I love you too!

Hi there, I can tell from what you've said that you're feeling pretty down, lonely, confused and helpless.

Even though your family is there for you, you still feel lonely. When you finally find an answer to the question that has been troubling you, you are reluctant to admit it, which seems to be a big obstacle to you pursuing a better life.

It's understandable that even if you have family around you, you still feel lonely and without support. Sometimes they can even be worse than friends and colleagues.

☞ Accept yourself as you are.

Everyone grows through pain, confusion, awareness, and reflection. You're already on the path of awareness and reflection about your life, and it's normal to feel conflicted and confused. This is a good start.

This awareness and thinking allows you to discover yourself and then continuously realize yourself, so that you can become a real, complete, and vibrant person.

Why do you feel so lonely?

The most common criticism I heard as a child was, "There are many orphans in the world, and other people live well without their parents. What more do you want, when you have a father and a mother?"

This kind of rhetoric makes you look like you don't appreciate your blessings and are feeling discontented and ungrateful.

But is that really the case? I think you know best.

On the surface, it seems like you have a support system in place, and you're not an orphan. However, it's likely that, emotionally, you're an orphan.

Even though I have family, when something happens, you realize that no one understands you, no one can accept and support you, and there is even more blame and control.

It often seems like you're facing challenges on your own, and when you're feeling tired and in need of support, you look back and realize you don't have anyone to lean on.

Maybe that's why, even though your family hasn't been separated or experienced a death, I always feel lonely, like I have a family living with me but also like I don't.

As for the love-hate relationship, you might agree with the criticism your family makes of you, thinking you should just be grateful and content.

But you know deep down that your family members are the ones who hurt you the most.

Choosing your own path isn't a betrayal of your family.

When you suddenly figure out the problem that's been bothering you, you realize that your family never grows up. They think like teenagers, with simple minds that can't tell right from wrong.

This is more painful than hatred. Sometimes, even though I want to clarify things, I feel too sorry to pursue it.

It might be because you know that when you point something out, it will hurt them as much as it hurts you.

And you agree with what they taught you: to be content and grateful. Once you hurt them, you'll feel bad about it, as if you'd betrayed and failed them.

This sense of self-blame and guilt stops you from pursuing a better life with peace of mind.

The truth is, you didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't a betrayal or a failure. You just chose a different path in life than they did. As an independent, mature person, you have the right to choose a better life for yourself, and you have the right to make choices for your own life.

When you're ready to break free from the shackles of your family's destiny, make your own choices, and become yourself, you'll have the chance to break free from your family's destiny and live your own unique life.

I encourage you to go for it!

Hello, question asker. I can feel your inner pain and struggle from your description, and I can also see your awareness and growth. I'm here to support you. Some of your feelings are similar to what I once felt, so I'll try to draw on my own experience to see if I can help broaden your thinking.

From what you've said, it seems like you want your parents to understand you mentally, but they seem to prefer material things. When you express your needs, you get criticism: "You have a father and a mother, what more do you want?"

Yes, with a father and a mother, basic living conditions are easy to provide. But people are born as independent individuals. It's natural to want to be understood and accepted, especially by your own relatives. Instead of being "seen" and blamed, a sense of loneliness, powerlessness, and confusion arises. "I tried my best to find an answer," this inward questioning, does it make you a little self-negative?

Does it make you a little afraid to express yourself? It can even lead to depression.

I can really feel the sense of identity and pleasure when you "meet a benefactor" and find that you are understood and supported. It's like a blessing after a long drought.

I'd like to say:

Parents often have good intentions when it comes to taking care of their children, but their ideas and practices aren't always comprehensive or considerate. If they're unable or unwilling to change after communication, it's best not to demand it. It's important to remember that they've also done some things, and you've also grown up. Time has passed, and their criticism of you can be interpreted as their dissatisfaction with you. The shortcomings they perceive in you are just their thoughts, and you don't have to agree with them. Sometimes, criticism can also be interpreted as a way of achieving psychological balance by blaming unreasonable demands. For example, a child who is late for school will say it is because of traffic jams, not because they got up late.

We all experience loneliness to a greater or lesser extent at some point in our lives. It's a universal emotion, and learning to navigate it is something we all have to do at some point.

It can be tough to feel understood and accepted all the time. You might feel like no one gets you at the moment, but you can always try to express yourself a little more. Who knows, next time you might find someone who gets you.

It's not possible to communicate with this person on an emotional and intellectual level. Would you be able to communicate with someone else? The degree of emotional and intellectual resonance also varies from person to person and from time to time.

I've given you a few options to think about or adjust. I hope this gets your creative juices flowing. Not being understood isn't always a bad thing. Many great people have been in your shoes, and what makes people valuable is their uniqueness.

You've spent less than three years with your "important person," and your happiness has been somewhat fleeting. But the nourishment you've received has been lifelong. You've discovered that you're worthy and can be accepted. You understand the reason for the problem that has perplexed you: "My family members never grow up." You've grown up, and I applaud you!

It's great that you want to "go find a better life" and pursue self-fulfillment. So, what does a better life look like to you?

This is a question that requires some thought. If you think about it slowly, you'll understand yourself better, your goals will become more specific, and you'll have more ways to achieve them.

I'm sending you my best wishes, and I love you!

Wishing you all the best, and sending love to you, the world, and to me!

Dear Question Asker,

From your description of the problem, I can discern a complex emotional state comprising elements of love and hate towards your family. You have experienced a significant number of challenges and have reached the conclusion that "my family never grows up." Despite residing with them, you perceive a persistent sense of loneliness. You feel that no one can understand you. This may be a consequence of the helplessness that often accompanies the process of growing up.

Let's have a brief discussion.

1. "There are many orphans in the world, and other people can live well without a father or a mother. What more do you want when you have a father and a mother?" This is the idea that your family has instilled in you. In their view, you having a father and a mother is far happier and more fortunate than those orphans. However, this is not the answer you are seeking. You have been struggling to find it, trying to solve your confusion.

2. You believe your family members lack the capacity to discern right from wrong, let alone address your concerns. You may wish to clarify certain issues, but you are reluctant to pursue them due to your compassionate nature. Despite your reluctance, the problem persists and remains unresolved. You also aspire to improve your circumstances. How should you proceed?

3. Despite your best efforts, you have been unable to find an answer, and you are now experiencing a degree of depression. Fortunately, you meet a person who is able to understand you and with whom you have a strong connection. However, this person's death has had a significant impact on you. You are experiencing difficulties in your daily life. It is challenging to find someone who can understand and accept you so much and who can provide clarity. However, this person is no longer available to you, and you are experiencing a sense of loss. I will offer you a warm embrace from a distance to help you cope with your feelings.

4. Your description of your parents suggests that they may be overly indulgent, to the point of being more childlike than you. Parents are typically responsible for providing care and guidance to their children. However, in this case, it seems that the parents are still acting in a childlike manner. They appear to lack understanding of your needs and consistently disregard your feelings. Additionally, they seem to lack the ability to connect with you on a deeper level. This dynamic can lead to feelings of oppression within the home. If parents remain immature, it could have adverse effects on their children.

5. I don't have any other good advice, but I just want to inform you that it is really difficult to change your parents' minds. They should have also experienced a negative upbringing, which has made them so immature in their thinking. The parent-child roles are reversed. You can only choose to accept them sincerely and slowly let yourself grow up. Get rid of such a negative influence through your own efforts, and don't let your parents affect your future family and your future children.

6. You are an individual who is particularly adept at self-awareness and enjoys critical thinking. You frequently direct your attention to spiritual matters. You aspire to align your actions with your innermost values. You seek a partner who can comprehend your joys and sorrows and provide companionship, thereby alleviating feelings of solitude. You also desire acceptance and understanding from your family. These are universal aspirations. It is crucial to express them clearly and directly. Engage in open communication, express your feelings, and avoid hasty assumptions. Effective communication is essential.

7. In life, you will encounter a multitude of experiences and interact with a diverse range of individuals. The person who previously demonstrated an understanding of your situation has already departed. It is therefore advisable to retain a positive memory of this individual and to maintain a belief that you will encounter a similar individual in the future. Given your sentimental and caring nature, it is unlikely that you will remain lonely indefinitely. It is therefore important to avoid dwelling on negative thoughts, to adopt a positive outlook, to love yourself well, and to live your life to the full.

8. It is recommended that you become financially independent as soon as possible, strengthen yourself, and use your own efforts to live the life you want. It is important to remember to be grateful for your parents' upbringing. If you are unable to change their traditional views, you should consider changing your own mindset first. It is essential to live well on your own and pursue the happiness you truly want.

I am proud and unyielding, and I love the world.