What should a child do when his parents are unhappy and argue as soon as the father gets home?

My dear child,

My name is Kelly Shui from Xin Tan.

I can see that you are worried about your parents and your family. It is not uncommon for children to worry at an early age, and it is clear that you are an independent thinker who loves to think.

[Let's talk about it: Father and mother are unhappy because they fight as soon as he gets home]

It is not uncommon for couples to experience disagreements during their marriage.

It might be helpful to think about why fighting is a pattern of interaction between parents.

1: The parents have personalities that are not entirely compatible. One is more relaxed, while the other is more impatient. If they were both equally impatient, would they stop arguing?

Or perhaps two people with slower tempers would not quarrel.

Let's consider a scenario where there are two individuals in a family who are more relaxed in their approach to time. When their children are late for class, they reassure them that there is no need to rush. What impact might this have on the children?

I would like to preface this by saying that it is a hypothetical situation.

2: It's possible that the root cause of the disagreements is simply a lack of time for reflection. How did the more patient and the more impatient see each other at that time?

3: When the opportunity arises, it might be helpful to chat with your parents about their relationship.

4: It would be beneficial for families to have clear boundaries. Parents have their own responsibilities, and children have their own responsibilities. It would be helpful to determine what the responsibility of the moment is.

Perhaps we could consider whether we are responsible for our own lives, or whether we should also consider the future for our parents.

5: It might be helpful to consider why, despite all these years of conflict, both parents are still together.

Perhaps if we were to consider why the arguments never get resolved, we might also think about why we are changing each other's personalities.

Could there perhaps be a better way to solve it?

6: For example, if you were to leave home and go to college in a foreign place, and your parents were to have the opportunity to spend time apart, perhaps they would have the chance to reflect on the situation. It's possible that there might be fewer sources of conflict.

"imperfect" parents

I wonder if I might ask your thoughts on the subject of my father?

You mention that your father has a PhD but that he is socially awkward, doesn't cook well, and can't drive.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to consider the following: It is not uncommon for people to have differing perceptions of their parents' capabilities. Some may perceive their fathers as being particularly capable, for instance, in terms of childcare, housework, or even in terms of their preferences regarding potential partners. It might be helpful to acknowledge that everyone's perception of their parents' abilities is unique and to refrain from making assumptions about what others believe.

This may help your mother think more rationally.

It is important to remember that everyone's time is limited.

Dad studied hard, perhaps with the hope of making the family happier and improving their quality of life.

Regarding your mother

Your mother has played an invaluable role in your life, supporting you through every step of your academic journey.

It is also worth noting that raising children can be a challenging endeavor, and it is not uncommon for mothers to develop feelings of resentment towards their partners.

1: You might consider expressing your gratitude to your mother for her efforts in raising you. She did a remarkable job, despite the challenges, in preparing you for university.

2: Would you like to know if your mother is employed? If she has been raising the children, it would be helpful for your father to be aware of this. You could discuss this with your father privately and send your mother a gift or flowers to show her that your father cares.

3: It seems that Dad is willing to let Mom confiscate his salary card. This leads me to wonder: if Dad doesn't love Mom, you, or the family, would he still be willing to let her have his salary card?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether your mother could have cared for you with peace of mind if she didn't have your father's salary card.

It would be beneficial for a family to work together, for example, with dad studying and working, and mom taking care of you with peace of mind and helping the family arrange their lives properly.

4: It might be helpful to understand that your mother has a tendency to become quite upset. If you have the chance, you could ask her whether she was ever beaten by her parents when she was a child.

You might also consider asking your mother about her childhood experiences. Many mothers have repressed their emotions, so it could be helpful to have a good chat with her after you graduate from college.

It would be helpful to understand the emotional needs behind your mother's behavior and to consider how you and your father could help her change her hot temper.

About you:

1: You are a sensible child with a deep bond with your mother. It seems that you believe your father doesn't love your mother because he doesn't care about her, and that they fight whenever they meet. Is it possible that he only cares about you?

It might be the case that if someone doesn't know how to care, your father might not know how to care for you either.

You are also very neutral and can see the difference between how he treats you and how he treats your mother.

It's possible that her violent outbursts have made Dad less inclined to care for her.

From this, we can see that your parents' love for you remains consistent.

2: You have developed a friendship with your mother and her child.

It would be beneficial to consider whether she may also be influenced by her mother.

You might consider encouraging your mother to make friends and do the things she enjoys.

It might be helpful to remember that your mother's life will also usher in a second stage, and that she will be looking for a new life of her own when you go to university.

It might be helpful to encourage your mother to speak with a counselor about her feelings. After all these years, it could be beneficial for her to have someone to talk to and for her feelings to be understood and validated.

It may be helpful to seek the guidance of a teacher or other professional in such cases.

3: It would be beneficial to trust your mother and father. They are adults, and you have your own goals. Attending school away from home with peace of mind will allow you to embark on a new phase of your life.

It would be beneficial to trust that your mother will have a new beginning. You are going away to university, but you will always be your mother's child. It is important to consider her well-being and support systems.

Even though you are apart, you can still care for and love each other in many ways.

So your mother has not raised you to be helpless, but to be an independent and sensible person who is going to study abroad independently.

4: As a child, you can bless your parents, whether they decide to divorce or choose to continue their marriage. Ultimately, it is their decision.

It may be helpful to view being happy together as a skill that can be learned.

For instance, it might be helpful to learn to appreciate each other, encourage each other, and learn to express your emotions.

It would be beneficial to learn how to create romance and to learn to control your emotions, etc.

Living together is about developing habits and forming character. There is not as much romance, and the daily grind is what you face. What keeps two people together is trust and tolerance for each other.

You might consider giving mom and dad a few books: "Why Families Get Sick" and "Intimacy."

You might also find the book Becoming Myself helpful.

I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to you.

I hope you have the best possible outcome.

Hello, host! I'm July.

You have immediate thoughts and have been influenced by your family. You hope your parents can get divorced so they can be happy. But you are afraid that if they get divorced, you will be worse off. You are confused and don't know what to do.

Children know when there's a problem in the family. Even if your parents don't tell you, you probably know because you're sensitive and can observe subtle things. Children often know more than they seem to. Family conflicts are obvious. You can learn a lot by watching and listening.

Your father doesn't help much with your studies or life. So, your mother has to do it. She's become more involved over time.

A family with an inactive father and a controlling mother is similar. The father's inactivity refers to inactivity in life and marriage.

You can ask your parents separately about their thoughts and feelings. They may not want to get a divorce. Arguing is also a kind of communication. So, you can first find out what they think, and then express your views. You and your parents are different, so your views on the same thing may be different.

If parents handle a divorce maturely and let you know at the time, it's less likely to cause problems.

As a child, you have two parents. This is good because divorce is normal. Even after a divorce, you still have two parents who care for you.

They may be happier because too much entanglement is painful.

If both parties want to change together, that's good.

I love you, world.

Best,

Hello. I'm a heart coach. 2023 is going to be happy.

Your parents often argue, which makes it clear that their marriage is not happy. Your mother lacks friends and needs someone to talk to, and you are very worried that in the future, when you go to school away from home, she will be all alone. You are right to be concerned about your parents' marriage and, in particular, your mother's future life.

A heart-wrenching hug. Let's tackle the problems that trouble you head-on and find solutions.

1. Parents must complete their life tasks on their own.

The truth is, what you see is not the whole story. Why? Because love is a capacity.

The parents' generation has the hallmarks of their era. They were shaped by the education they received and the way their parents raised them. This has led to a lack of understanding of how to love and express love. It's likely that they didn't learn what love is from their own parents either.

Get to know your parents again from the perspective of a stranger, or learn more about your parents and their marriage from your grandparents and your parents' siblings.

"Love and kill each other." It's clear that, apart from his high level of education, Dad is "incompetent" in every other way. He shows no love or care for Mom. Mom is very "brutal" to Dad. She withholds his salary card and sends him to live with her parents when she scolds him.

These are all "manifestations." There is a cause and an effect, and only the two parties involved know the reason behind it. Over time, this has formed an inherent pattern of getting along between them. This is how they "love" and "express love" to each other.

One gives, the other receives.

It's possible their marriage was unfortunate from the start, but this is a lesson for the parents to learn on their own.

In the movie "Parents' Love" starring Tao Guo and Ting Mei, at the beginning, they had no love for each other. In the end, life made them rely on each other and even grow to resemble each other.

2. Remain aware and achieve object separation from your parents.

Your father and mother transfer their unmet emotional needs from their partners, close relationships, and marriages to you. For example, your father only cares about and loves you, and your mother confides in you (although she "over-shares"). You are expected to play the role of your parents and satisfy the emotional needs of their partners.

Their interaction patterns have also drawn you into their relationship and made you take on responsibilities that are not yours to bear. Both your father and mother are your closest and dearest people. No matter which one you favor, you feel guilty towards the other. It's just that your mother seems to be the "weak one" and wins your heart more.

You are still a minor, and the most important thing you can do is take responsibility for yourself. Protect yourself from the influence of your parents' marriage and emotions, maintain a healthy body and mind, and give your parents time and space to deal with their own affairs.

You must give yourself time and trust in yourself. When you become an adult, you will truly have the ability to change the fate of your family, and everything will change because of you.

For example, you can learn some psychology and find out what emotional needs Mom and Dad want to get in their marriage; you can learn the three elements needed for a perfect marriage; you can learn what the impact of the original family is on a person.

Parents are influenced by their own families of origin, and you are influenced by them too. You need to achieve object separation. Know how to achieve object separation from your parents: they are them, and you are you. They are imperfect, and they have their own limitations.

Your most important task right now is to focus on your studies. The more knowledge you gain, the more capable you will be in the future to "save" the family and help your parents.

Read Growing Beyond Your Family of Origin, a book on personal growth. Also, read Falling in Love with a Double Dance and The Five Love Languages, books on marriage. Give them to your mother to read.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate with you one-on-one about growth.

Hello.

Hug you.

When the relationship between parents reaches an ice-cold point, the child, who is often the most innocent party, suffers the most. It is wrong to treat the child as a bargaining chip to weigh the relationship between the parents or as a trophy.

They are just children.

It is clear that both parents have not yet realized the inappropriateness of their approach to resolving marital problems.

1. Parents have weak problem-solving skills and are emotional.

My mother had a bad temper and sometimes hit my father because he didn't shave, sneezed a lot, and couldn't do anything right. She often drove him away from the house with her scolding.

My father didn't love my mother because he didn't care about her. They fought whenever they met, and he only cared about me. My mother didn't have many friends, and she often told me her secrets. She was clearly more helpless when I went away to school.

The most obvious problem is that both parents are used to simply ignoring and avoiding problems. The more tolerant father stays silent and pretends not to hear or see, while the relatively impatient and intolerable mother chooses to explode and use violence against her husband. The husband doesn't buy it and uses the children as an emotional buffer.

This is a selfish act, plain and simple. Children should not have to bear the brunt of conflicts between their parents. It's wrong for children to feel helpless and torn apart inside because they cannot help their parents escape their suffering.

2. The mother must recognize her own emotional issues and respect the child's personal space.

Children growing up in unstable families are prone to inferiority complexes, sensitivity, and vulnerability because they do not receive stable care and nurturing. When they encounter problems, they do not know how to deal with them, and they lack the inner strength to bear the pain. They will more easily escape and give up, trying to find an early exit. The most typical example is puppy love.

Take the opportunity to calm down and communicate with your mother properly. Don't expect anything from her or feel resentful. Just be honest about how you feel. Then she'll see how her emotionality is negatively affecting the children and learn to manage her emotions.

3. The father must take responsibility for his family and stop being a hands-off manager.

The questioner is likely still a student, separated from his mother due to school. His most important task is to study. As he is not yet of age, he cannot help his parents with their marital problems, let alone solve them. Therefore, the father, the pillar of the family, must solve the conflict between school and family, not the questioner as a child.

In families with a long-term negative emotional expression pattern, family members are easily led astray. This is a situation where the father is too lax, the mother complains too much, and the child takes too much responsibility. The solution is simple: the father must take responsibility for stabilizing the family harmony, the mother must stop her obsession with complaints, and the child must focus on her studies and strive to grow cognitively. This is the only way to put the family back on track.

You've got this! Stay strong and have a happy new year! ?

Greetings, Topic Leader.

I have carefully read your description of the problem, and I can empathize with your current mood of despondency due to your parents, feeling particularly confused about the future, and feeling helpless and hopeless.

During the Spring Festival, which is traditionally a time of joyous family reunions, you find yourself in a state of sorrow and grief. It is likely that this year's Spring Festival was spent in a similar manner to previous years, with your parents engaged in heated arguments. The stress of your parents' discord, coupled with your own concerns about their relationship, has been further compounded by the fact that you will soon be departing for your studies. It is commendable that you are able to consider the well-being of your parents in such a thoughtful manner. Your filial piety is to be highly praised.

It is also important to note that we are children and therefore not directly involved in the relationship between our parents. Additionally, we are still young and tend to take arguments between our parents very seriously. However, we only see the symptoms and do not have a complete understanding of the underlying relationship between them. This can lead to misjudgment and unnecessary concern. Is this a possibility?

In light of the concerns surrounding our parents' relationship, it is crucial to identify strategies that can enhance the quality of our lives with them. This section will present a personal perspective on the matter, drawing upon experiences and insights gained from my own journey.

First, it is important to acknowledge and celebrate the resilience and fortitude you have demonstrated in navigating the challenges of these past years.

You have been able to attend school abroad since you were young, at least for more than ten years, correct? Especially when you were young and your abilities were not particularly strong, when your parents fought, we young and ignorant children were really torn between loving both our father and mother. We wanted them to be happy, but their quarrels, fighting, and disagreements made it difficult for us as children to know what to do.

One might inquire as to whether the advice of the mother should be followed. Only an individual who has experienced similar conflicts and suffering can truly comprehend the situation. It is evident that the child in question has expressed that both the father and the mother hold a place in their affections. The only solution that has been proposed is to allow the parents to divorce. This indicates that the child truly desires the happiness of both parents. It is important to acknowledge the significant challenges that the child has faced over the years.

Secondly, it is advisable to allow them to resolve their own issues independently, thus facilitating a process of problem separation.

It is unclear whether you are aware of this, but Adler once posited that issues should be separated into three categories: one's own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of the divine. It is only possible to take care of one's own affairs and leave the affairs of others to God. In this case, the affairs of your parents are simply the affairs of others to you. Therefore, despite your ability to take care of your own affairs, you are only able to do so. The way your parents interact with each other is solely their decision, so it is advisable to allow them to resolve their issues independently. You have expressed concern about your mother being alone when you leave for school, but it is important to note that the advancement of communication and transportation has made this less of a concern. You can always contact your mother and return home at your convenience.

An additional possibility is that you have matured and pursued an education, leaving your mother with fewer responsibilities and a reduced need for your input. In this scenario, your father's return may facilitate a more harmonious relationship between them. Alternatively, you could consider using your wisdom to foster closer ties between them.

Ultimately, it is recommended that you enhance your emotional intelligence and wisdom. It is assumed that you are able to seek assistance from this platform due to your comprehension of its functions and your familiarity with the field of psychology. Furthermore, it is presumed that you adhere to the belief that psychological principles can be applied universally. Consequently, it is advised that you dedicate yourself to furthering your understanding of psychology in order to augment your capabilities. Should your financial circumstances allow for it, you may wish to consider enrolling in psychology courses or consulting with a reputable psychological counselor to explore avenues for personal growth. As your wisdom develops, you will likely gain a multitude of strategies for addressing the challenges posed by your parents.

It is recommended that you study assiduously in order to improve your quality of life.

I extend my affection to the world and to you.

Hello. I can sense the pain and conflict in your description.

As a psychological counselor, I would like to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

If parents have a poor relationship, it can have an impact on the child's development. In your family, it seems that your mother was unable to agree with some of your father's actions, so she drew you close to her, focusing all her love and anxiety on you. You were able to grow up healthy in this family, and it was only when you had to separate from your parents that you experienced separation anxiety. How do you deal with your feelings of helplessness?

First and foremost, it is essential to have clear boundaries. While you are their daughter and they are your parents, it is important to remember that we are all individuals with our own unique perspectives and needs. It is crucial to respect their choices, even if they may not align with your expectations.

The relationship between your parents is their communication model. They have become accustomed to alternating between fast and slow, abuse and submission. This is their way of communicating, and although it may make us feel very uncomfortable, we should respect their choices. You are the daughter, and your father loves you in his own way. This is father-daughter love. Your mother also loves you in her own way. This is mother-daughter love. You can adjust the way your parents relate to you. As for their relationship, I believe they are capable of making adjustments, including whether their marriage can continue.

Secondly, it would be beneficial for you to learn to love yourself and express your feelings in words. In the family, it would be helpful for you to learn to love yourself first, and then, when you are ready, you can communicate more with your parents and help to smooth things over.

Due to your close relationship with your mother, you may unconsciously identify with her and become less connected to your father. You may even worry that your mother will become even lonelier and more isolated when you grow up and leave home. This could be a reason to express your concerns to your mother and to gently encourage her to express her emotions verbally rather than dealing with them in a violent manner. This could be a pattern of one person chasing and the other running away in a relationship, and it may need some intervention. You could consider learning, or communicating with your parents and seeking professional help for them.

Third, it would be helpful to understand your parents' communication patterns. It seems that they may not be as adept at communicating and interacting with others as they could be. They appear to choose to suppress their emotions after conflicts, which can result in an accumulation of emotions that may eventually lead to an explosive outburst. This could be a manifestation of their relationship pattern, which seems to involve a complex web of love and conflict. It's possible that they love each other but also have a tendency to hurt each other. It might be beneficial for you to learn to communicate effectively in order to support your family.

Finally, your request for help on this platform today is also an opportunity for personal growth. By expressing yourself, you can receive support and guidance from a variety of sources. The world and I love you, and you must also love yourself and then love your parents. Let's work together to find solutions!

First of all, it's so important to remember that the key to a happy and healthy marital relationship is for both spouses to feel like they have equal say in the decisions that affect them both. Of course, there might be times when external factors, like differences with mother-in-law or daughter-in-law relationships, or the desire to put the children's needs first, can make it feel like one spouse has more influence than the other.

As kids, we can't get involved in our parents' relationship issues, but we can offer suggestions. It's best to do this from a third-party point of view, not from a child's perspective. Kids tend to be biased, and they might want their parents to split up because of the family discord, or they might not want them to because they want a happy, healthy family.

So, we can't get involved directly, but we can definitely play a helpful, mediating role. For instance, we can gently remind them.

You can find a way to get them to do it together and express it from a third perspective. In your eyes, their marriage is: incompatible personalities, constant quarrels, inequality, the woman handling the housework and children all the time, and the man not participating.

It's so sad to see a man who has lost his independent financial rights, been subjected to domestic violence, and is disliked, while the woman has not given him appropriate tolerance. It's even worse to see a woman who keeps blaming him and can even scold him into leaving the house.

The man also just avoids it, bless his heart. When he gets scolded, he just goes home to his mother. Both sides never solve problems when they encounter problems, etc.

I'd also like to share a feeling from the child's perspective. It's so sad, but in my eyes, there's no difference between men and women in domestic violence. That makes me feel like there's something wrong with my mother. At the same time, my father is always absent and irresponsible. Of course, he is still good to me, but he has not fulfilled his responsibilities as a husband. That makes me feel like my father doesn't love my mother.

I'm not sure if I'm understanding this right, but that's how I feel.

It would be great if you could go back and express your own views, hoping that they will think carefully about their relationship. If you want to maintain your marriage, it would be really helpful if you could pay attention to family harmony and the impact on your partner and children.

If they don't want to maintain the marriage, as children, they will also support their parents' decision. There's no need to worry about who they will live with, because they all belong to them.

It would be really helpful for them to communicate with each other. If you think their communication might lead to an argument, you could choose not to leave their communication environment. That way, you can show them you're there for them, but you're not going to get involved in the discussion.

If they need some space to talk, they can go off by themselves. They can spend time together and work things out. I'm not going to push my parents to make a decision right away, but I hope they can see what's going on in their marriage sooner rather than later. This will affect the whole family, and it'll affect them too.

We should also consider the possibility that their way of getting along is just the best for them and that they are both willing to accept it. There's no one right way to define a good marriage. Just because everyone thinks that a "good marital state" is good for everyone doesn't mean it is.

There will also be a strange way of getting along in the eyes of outsiders, but it is a state that is acceptable to both husband and wife. If this is really the case, the original poster would not need to feel that his father does not love his mother, and that his mother would be in a helpless state.

But don't worry, you can still share your thoughts and feelings.

Hello question asker! I'm an old skinny donkey.

I understand the original poster's feelings. My mother is impatient and my father is slow-witted. When I was young, my parents fought a lot. I was afraid of them fighting.

I don't want them to get divorced. I'm afraid either of them will leave us. But now I think it's fine as long as they are happy.

Children can help parents get along. Even if your parents don't get along, you can help them. Our family doesn't get along either, but our child helps us get along. When we go out, I don't want to eat with them, but the child will serve everyone.

We don't want pictures. The child will be spoiled and want a selfie. Her actions have made our relationship more tender.

A former colleague of mine whose parents were divorcing was initially against it. After persuasion, she agreed to her parents' divorce. After the divorce, she felt more relaxed.

To answer the question, I suggest:

1. Think about why your parents argue. Is it because of their personalities or their ways of doing things? I suggest you talk to each parent separately. This will help them understand each other's point of view. Think about what attracted your parents to each other in the first place. Do you think what they have now is what they expected? If there are conflicts between relatives on both sides, this could lead to internal family conflicts. I suggest staying away from the relatives involved. Or you could make your parents think about how quarrels make them look to outsiders. This will help them understand that quarreling is not good for the family.

2. Tell your parents how you feel after they fight. Getting upset won't help. You're sad to see them fight.

3. Understand how your parents react when they argue. They argue fiercely because it helps them think about their contributions to the marriage.

When the mother talks and the father doesn't, it's ineffective. The mother's voice is ignored, and anger builds. The father doesn't get a chance to express himself.

Ask your parents separately what they want to change and what they want to do. Then, help them.

4. Even the best marriages need attention. Try surprising your parents with little gifts. Your father and mother care about you. Surprise them to show you care.

5. Everyone is different, but we can accept and accommodate each other.

You need to help your parents understand each other better, get closer, be tolerant, and compromise. They need to sacrifice part of themselves. Only if they accept each other can the relationship improve.

6. Parents' love for their children ends with separation. Guide the questioner's mother in developing her own hobbies and avoid studying away from home. This will prevent resentment and a psychological gap.

7. Divorce won't affect the parents' love for the questioner. If the questioner still thinks divorce is best for the parents, it's not impossible.

This is just my opinion.

Hello! I'm thrilled to see your question because asking a question is the first step to finding a solution.

First of all, as a child, you should respect your parents' attitude towards marriage. Whether they stay together or get divorced is their decision. And you know what? People at their age tend to think more comprehensively, so they'll make the right choice for them!

The decision to divorce is not entirely based on emotions, but also on practical difficulties, which means there are ways you can make this work for you!

Second, you feel that your father doesn't love or care about your mother. It may be true that he doesn't love her, or that he will never love her, or that the way he loves her is not something she approves of.

But here's the thing: loving someone is one thing, and whether or not they know it is another. Maybe your father has always loved your mother in his own way. You could even observe how your grandparents interact! If your grandfather is also not good at expressing his emotions and only knows how to earn money, without knowing how to show his care for people with his words, then your father's behavior can be explained.

Again, no matter what, your father loves you, and so does your mother. No matter how their relationship ultimately turns out, you grew up in a loving family, and that is so great for you!

From experience, I can tell you that a PhD who is unsociable and has little ability to get along in life is quite understandable. This is the way it is with people: if they spend too much time on their studies, they will be somewhat deficient in other areas. But that just means there are so many other amazing things they can do!

And this includes some of the unruly ones as well!

Finally, there is hope for alleviating the pain you mentioned! It may be possible through a change in perspective. If they maintain the status quo, which is what you want, then that is the situation you have to adapt to. If, just if, the parents choose to separate, they will each live well!

Then that's exactly what you want, isn't it? I really hope this helps!

Dear original poster, I am writing to express my concern for your parents.

Upon repeated reading of your message, I am experiencing a growing sense of heartache, anger, helplessness, and, most of all, a sense of entanglement. I am able to offer suggestions that may provide new ideas and support.

I posit that situating oneself at the center of the maelstrom will engender a more nuanced emotional experience. You have indicated that you are uneasy with the prospect of attending school away from home, that your mother will be rendered helpless in your absence, and that you are concerned about your father and lack trust in him. You have also expressed apprehension about the possibility of a permanent separation, which would render you a child in a pitiable situation.

It is evident that you are concerned and preoccupied with your father and mother and their relationship. I am intrigued to know more about your perspective on this matter.

It would be beneficial to ascertain your own emotional feelings in this situation. Imagine you are the child of a highly educated father with limited life wisdom and a mother who has invested a great deal of effort into you, yet is not acknowledged by your romantic partner. What are your emotional feelings in this context?

You have indicated your intention to pursue studies abroad. Without knowing your age range, it is difficult to ascertain the specifics of your situation. However, based on your description, you appear to have formed your own observations and thoughts. It is therefore reasonable to conclude that you should be regarded as an adult. Your age is a pertinent factor in this case, as different age groups will face specific and more practical problems in their parent-child relationships.

In the case of a minor, the focus will be on ensuring their survival and education. In contrast, when dealing with an adult, the objective will be to facilitate their ability to withdraw from the parent-child relationship, maintain a moderate boundary, and ultimately, restore the relationship to a healthier state.

In interpersonal relationships, including those within the family unit, the aspect of the relationship that can be influenced by the individual is that which pertains to the self. This includes one's relationship with one's mother, one's relationship with one's father, and the relationship between one's mother and father. In order to facilitate change, it is essential to adopt the perspective of an "outsider" with regard to one's own parents. This is because it is not possible to alter the fundamental nature of one's mother or father. It is important to note that this advice does not entail a complete detachment from one's parents. Instead, it suggests a process of inviting them to engage in a dialogue about their relationship and their expectations of one another. This dialogue can also include suggestions for improvement.

Prior to this, it is essential to address one's own emotional state and delineate specific, actionable expectations of the other party. It is also crucial to acknowledge that expectations are inherently subjective and may not align with reality. Once these steps have been taken, it is then possible to express one's thoughts and feelings without judgment.

In terms of recommendations, it may be advisable to suggest the possibility of family therapy or couple counseling. It is acknowledged that this may prove challenging.

This is the counsel we can offer parents regarding their relationship. With regard to the remaining issues, our capacity to intervene is limited. However, we can make significant strides in enhancing our own relationships with our fathers and mothers, given our personal involvement. We can facilitate positive change in your relationship by focusing on our own actions and contributions.

For example, one might consider attempting to perceive more of the positive contributions made by their parents, expressing more love for them, and appreciating more of their strengths and positive qualities. These new experiences could then be integrated into the relationship with one's father and mother. It is recommended that this process be completed first for oneself.

It is only through the cultivation of self-love, devoid of any form of shame, that one can extend love to others in a more expansive and benevolent manner.

It is recommended that the One Psychology Reading Channel be consulted for the following programs: "Life Script," "The Disappeared Father, The Anxious Mother, The Out-of-Control Child," and "Will a Child Who Has Grown Up Bruised and Battered Ever Be Able to Recover on Their Own?"

Ultimately, it is crucial to strike a balance between loving one's parents and attending to one's own needs.

Hello, questioner! You asked a great question: "What should a child do when his parents are unhappy and argue as soon as the father gets home?"

I want to commend you for your concern and worry about your family. You are a kind child, and I admire that. Now, let's dive into your question!

Your parents have very different personalities! One is slow-tempered, the other quick-tempered, and they have a lot of lively discussions. Your father has a PhD but is socially awkward, can't cook well, and can't drive. Your mother, on the other hand, is very involved in your life and studies.

So, your mother has a lot of resentment towards your father. He's had his salary card confiscated by your mother and has been living at your grandmother's house.

Your mother was short-tempered and sometimes hit your father because he didn't shave, sneezed a lot, didn't know how to do things, etc. She often scolded him so much that he left home. You think your father doesn't love your mother because he doesn't care about her, they fight all the time, and he only cares about you.

Your mother doesn't have many friends, and she often confides in you. You feel that she will be even more helpless if you go away to school. You hope that they will divorce so that both parties can be happy.

But divorce will cause your child a lot of pain. What an exciting challenge you have before you! What should you do?

Could it really just be because of incompatible personalities that couples who argue a lot are not compatible?

Everyone has their own amazing personality, temperament, and other individual characteristics! And if there's a chance to become a couple, it still means that both parties are destined for each other. There are indeed different types of matching patterns for the personalities of couples. Some couples have similar personalities, either both being impatient or both being slow; while others have opposite personalities, with one being impatient and the other slow.

However, studies have found that there are happy couples with the same personality, as well as unhappy ones with opposite personalities. I once fell into the same mindset as you, thinking that couples with opposite personalities could not live happily. But I was wrong! There are plenty of happy couples out there with different personalities.

I've noticed that many couples around me have opposite personalities, which often leads to lively debates and discussions. My husband and I are also two people with opposite personalities, and I initially thought that we would be like other couples with opposite personalities who engage in frequent disagreements and wouldn't be particularly happy.

Later, I stumbled into psychology. It was the best thing that could have happened to me! Through psychology studies and spiritual growth, I came to understand that I am the source of all relationships, and that marriage requires hard work and is the result of the interaction between two people. If one person grows up, they may be able to drive change in the other person, and the relationship will improve!

If neither person changes, they may just continue to live in that noisy pattern and go on like that. So is it really just because of personality differences that couples who argue a lot really don't get along? Absolutely not! There's so much more to it than that.

Absolutely! It all depends on whether both parties are willing to take that first step to change for the better. Relationships need to be nurtured, and intimate relationships need to be nurtured with care.

Have you ever stopped to think about how your parents have managed to keep their marriage going for so long, despite it being so noisy?

You said you were going to go to school elsewhere, which is great! But it seems that you are a little worried about your mother. Are you going to go to university elsewhere? If so, think about how many years your parents have spent in this noisy marriage. Why can their noisy intimate relationship be maintained?

You may say that it is all because of you. They did this to give you a complete family, which is pretty amazing if you think about it! This can only be considered part of the reason, not the whole reason, because the instinct of human nature is to seek benefits and avoid harm, and seek pleasure and avoid pain. If both your parents only had pain in this marriage, could the relationship have lasted for so many years?

It's a long shot, but it's definitely a possibility! From this point of view, they must have benefited from this turbulent marriage.

Your mother confiscated your father's salary card, which is great news for you both! It means that your mother and you can enjoy long-term security and a sense of security in life. After all, your father has such a high degree of education, and his salary should not be low. He has a monthly income, which at least provides your mother with long-term security and a sense of security in life.

Your father gets so much out of this relationship! Even though your mother may sometimes pick on him, criticize him, accuse him, dislike him, verbally attack him, and even attack him physically, he still gets to come home to a complete home every day. She helps him take care of you, she accompanies you, and she guards this home. Even though he often quarrels with your mother when he goes back, he still gets to go back occasionally when he wants to. This is a place where he belongs!

From this point of view, your parents' noisy and constant marriage has some amazing benefits for each of them! That's why they've been able to maintain it for so many years.

Who is the biggest winner in this noisy family environment?

Have you ever thought about who the biggest victim is in this noisy family environment? That person is you! You are the child, and children growing up in such a quarrelsome family environment will feel insecure, which will affect the child's feelings towards their parents and may also affect the child's view of themselves. After all, children are in the growth period from childhood to adulthood!

A child needs a warm, loving, harmonious, and happy family to grow up in! This is the best environment for a child's body and mind to thrive. Of course, a noisy family environment can also be harmful to parents, turning the family into a battlefield rather than a place where love flows.

As for your parents' current marriage, I say, don't worry about it! Let them work it out on their own. Everyone is an adult, capable and responsible for their own lives, and each person is responsible for their own life. Since you are going to college now, choose a school you want to go to and a major you like. Prepare in advance for studying away from home, and also plan your future studies and find out about your career path after graduation.

You are in charge of your own life, and your parents get to decide what's best for them! They are responsible for their own lives.

I wish you the best of luck! I really hope my answer is helpful!

The world and I love you!

Dear Question Asker,

I extend my best wishes for a happy New Year!

A meticulous examination of the question reveals that the issues within the original family are intractable.

What, then, is the appropriate response of the younger generation to the question of their parents' happiness?

The following analysis and advice are offered for your consideration:

It is challenging to achieve happiness without tolerance and understanding.

The situation described by the questioner includes the following characteristics: parental personalities that are incompatible, one slow-tempered and the other quick-tempered; parental social skills that are poor; a lack of parental cooking abilities; and a lack of parental driving abilities. Additionally, the mother displays a bad temper.

This necessitates that parents cultivate greater tolerance and understanding of each other to facilitate the creation of their own happiness. This represents a lifelong endeavor for them.

The current state of affairs is such that tolerance and understanding are no longer possible. Each party perceives the other as lacking merit, exaggerating shortcomings and deficiencies, and engaging in criticism and even attacks.

Furthermore, the questioner was socialized in an environment characterized by criticism and accusations, which may have contributed to the formation of his own attitudes and behaviors.

Disputes represent a form of emotional control devoid of boundaries.

The act of fighting within a family unit can be defined as an emotion-based form of boundaryless control.

In other words, family members resort to verbal abuse and even physical attacks in order to achieve their goal of exerting emotional control over the other person.

Such an emotionally charged relationship devoid of boundaries can precipitate feelings of depression and even elicit aggressive behavior.

As the questioner describes the situation, there is a perception that the father is indifferent to the mother's needs and that their interactions are characterized by frequent conflict. Additionally, the mother is perceived to have a volatile temper and to resort to physical violence against the father on occasion. Furthermore, the mother is said to frequently admonish the father to leave the house.

Happiness is derived from a mutual understanding and affection between two individuals.

A happy marriage is predicated on the establishment of mutual tolerance and understanding, as well as a willingness to respect each other, which in turn fosters the development of mutual love.

It is not the case that one party must be of greater importance and be able to control the other.

It is therefore recommended that the questioner begin by correcting cognitive biases, clarifying the boundaries between parents, identifying the strengths and virtues of each other in a timely manner, and enhancing the parents' tolerance and understanding.

Furthermore, it is advised that the questioner refrain from viewing divorce as a panacea for all familial issues. While it may appear to resolve one problem, it is likely to give rise to a multitude of new challenges.

[Change begins with genuine concern]

The final question in the original inquiry appears to be a multiple-choice query regarding the decision to divorce. My additional counsel to the original respondent is to begin with a true/false question.

As a younger generation, do you genuinely concern yourself with the potentially problematic behaviors that may result from your parents' cognitive biases?

Do you genuinely wish to ascertain how you might assist your parents in overcoming the psychological challenges they are currently facing?

Do you genuinely concern yourself with the well-being of yourself and your future family?

It is my hope that the aforementioned information has proven to be of some assistance to you.

Furthermore, it is my sincere hope that the coming year will bring you joy and fulfilment.

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

One is more patient than the other. The questioner believes that this is the biggest reason why their parents often quarrel, that is, their personalities don't match. When they get along, they know what kind of personalities they have, so when they get used to each other, it seems that their different approaches to getting along may be the reason for their frequent quarrels.

It is important to remember that every marriage goes through stages.

In a marriage, there are five stages that a couple may experience: the honeymoon period, the adjustment period, the integration period, the ordinary period, and the companionship period. Each stage has its own reason for occurring, and the adjustment period is often considered the most critical stage, as it shapes the direction of the couple's relationship.

As the initial excitement of the adjustment period fades, it's natural for each partner to start noticing the other's shortcomings. If their expectations aren't met, it's easy for these shortcomings to be magnified, leading to a mode of getting along that might not be ideal for a healthy relationship.

From the questioner's description, it seems that during the period of adjustment, although the questioner's parents have different personalities, they may not have fully recognized their own shortcomings in getting along with each other. It's possible that they are even less aware that different personalities require the two of them to work together, tolerate each other, and accommodate each other.

It might be helpful to learn to separate yourself from your parents' issues.

As children, we all hope that our parents can get along harmoniously and provide a happy family atmosphere. When they are discordant, it can be sad and troubling to see them in this state.

As two adults and as parents, they have their own life lessons to learn. When faced with problems, they may be reluctant to face and solve them themselves, but choose to spend their days arguing. This is not the problem of the questioner. It may be helpful to learn to separate yourself from your parents' issues.

The questioner expressed concern that they might experience sadness and suffering if their parents were to divorce. Regardless of the choice their parents make, it is their own freedom and decision. The questioner can consider whether they are carrying their own expectations in this pain and are afraid of the impact their parents' divorce will have on them.

Perhaps the best approach would be to show respect and try to minimize the impact on yourself.

The relationship between the parents of the original poster involves a number of challenges that cannot be fully addressed in a few words. Additionally, given the current mode of interaction between them, both parties may be inclined to avoid change. Therefore, the relationship can only be improved if they are both willing to embrace it.

It may be challenging for them to resolve the issues they've accumulated on their own. Professional counseling and guidance could be beneficial in helping to improve their relationship. The accumulated problems may be akin to knots that require careful untangling, one by one.

The original poster may find it helpful to provide them with company, support them in managing their own needs, try to maintain a sense of emotional distance from their problems, and explore the potential benefits of learning psychology as a way of developing greater autonomy from the influence of their family of origin. The original poster may find it helpful to read books such as "Why Family Hurts" and "It's Not Your Fault." Psychology can help us see problems from different perspectives, approach them with a more balanced mindset, and identify more effective solutions.

Learning psychology can also help you gain a deeper understanding of your mother's intentions in each conversation. Be a good listener and offer her guidance and support when it's needed. While working on your own issues, you can also explore ways to gently influence your parents' perspectives with psychology, leading to positive outcomes.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

Hello, question asker. Reading your words, I feel like I'm seeing you in person.

After reading your description, I want to give you a big hug through the screen first because I can tell you must not be feeling very good, caught between two parents who don't get along and who often argue. My dear, you have worked hard, and I also want to praise you for your awareness. This awareness has also opened up an emotional outlet for you, and by releasing it in writing here, you'll be setting yourself up for future growth.

Let's use your description to figure out how to improve this relationship.

At the start of your description, you said your parents had different personalities: one was slow-tempered, the other quick-tempered, and they often fought. I'd like to know more about how you dealt with their very different personalities and their habit of "often fighting" before you came to the platform for help.

This is a way of thinking in terms of a "coping model." Proposing this perspective can help you clarify your own coping methods when specific conflicts between your parents arise. This coping method can often become a source of inspiration for you to deal with similar conflicts in the future.

You also mentioned that your father had a PhD but wasn't very social, wasn't a great cook, couldn't drive, and your mother took care of your life and studies. I feel that although your father had a high level of education, his life skills were limited. Your mother took care of your life and studies, so she took control of your father's salary card and your future.

It seems that the mother is dissatisfied with the father because he is unable to provide her with a sense of achievement, stability, and security in life and daily habits. These three feelings are the most important components of family happiness and harmony.

You also mentioned that your mother has a bad temper and sometimes hits your father because he doesn't shave, sneezes a lot, and can't do anything. She often scolds him until he leaves the house. What I want to share with you about this is that my mother has a bad temper because she hates that your father can't do things right. However, the inconsiderate thing about your mother is how her quarrels with your father affect you.

Dear, It's up to mom and dad to decide if they can reconcile their differences. You're not responsible for the emotions caused by their conflicts. This involves an action of [life's subject of separation], and since this action has to be done sooner or later, and mom and dad's relationship is not too strong, it's better to do it sooner rather than later.

We all have different things to do in this life. We're not meant to let what happened in the past affect us for too long. We have dreams we want to pursue and achieve.

I also want to put your mind at ease about one thing: no matter how far you go, your mother will never be helpless because she still has you, her child, who cares about her. Even if you go away to study in the future, you can still keep in touch with her often. With today's advanced communication methods, a message, a letter, or a phone call can all be a way to express your feelings of missing her. As long as you have the heart, the distance is not difficult to overcome.

You also said you hope they'll divorce so they can both be happy, but you'll be hurt by it. Honey, you're thinking this way because you've grown up.

We often hear people say, "I wouldn't choose to get divorced unless it was absolutely necessary." As children, we can't decide whether our parents' relationship has reached the point of no return. This is because our parents have their own communication styles, and the friction between these styles determines whether their marriage can last.

I get it. You want to reduce the strain on their relationship and hope they divorce, and you're worried about the pain you'll feel once they do.

I'd like to take a moment to address your concerns.

Parents who are truly responsible and wise, whether they are divorced or not, will make sure their children don't lack parental love. This is also a chance to test them.

Your parents have been thinking about, talking about, and taking responsibility for this from the beginning to the end. You don't need to worry too much about it.

Your future is something you can control, so that's where your focus and effort should be.

Once you've got your future all sorted, you won't need to look anyone in the eye, including your parents.

❤. Striving to become the person you aspire to be is a way of showing your parents that you can take care of yourself.

The trauma of the original family may be unavoidable from the day we are born, but with hard work, we can overcome it and cultivate a strong heart so that we can face the ups and downs of life with gentleness and firmness.

Well, that's all I wanted to share with you. I hope it gives you a little inspiration and strength to get out of this mess.

Take care of yourself.

Hello, questioner!

From your description, I can tell that you have some concerns, confusion, and bewilderment about your relationship with your parents. But you also have a very good ability to perceive things! When you perceive this uncomfortable feeling, you can face it bravely and actively find a solution to the problem. This is great! It shows that you are already on the path to change.

You described your father as highly educated, which is great! He may not be the best at cooking or driving, but that's okay. He probably depends on your mother, who may feel aggrieved and angry. The two of them often argue, but that's normal! At the same time, you don't think your father loves your mother very much, and he doesn't care about her, only you. You're a little disappointed, but you know things can change. You want them to get a divorce, hoping to make things easier for both of them. But you don't want to, because you want a complete family. Is that right?

It's totally normal for couples to argue and dislike each other. Most couples behave this way, but their behavior can have a negative impact on their children and cause them to feel emotional. So, this has caused you distress.

I'm excited to hear what you're hoping to get out of this!

Feel the conflict in your heart. I would love for you to think about how you would handle things if your parents divorced. And how would you handle things if your parents didn't divorce?

So, when do parents get along harmoniously in this process of getting along?

I know you are torn and conflicted inside, and I feel bad for you. But don't worry! I'm here to help. I want to give you some small advice based on your description of how I feel, hoping to help you adjust your mindset a bit.

First, communicate with your parents!

You described how your mother would tell you about her worries if you were going to be away, and you have a lot of internal conflict. Now that you have noticed this uncomfortable feeling and want to alleviate it, I hope you will try to communicate with your parents separately or together, tell them how you feel, ask them what they think of each other, and see if you can try to reconcile. You can do it! Try to be tolerant.

I think you'll find that talking about this problem properly, analyzing it, and discussing it with a professional counselor can really help you! What do you think?

Then, it's time to establish a sense of boundaries!

Everyone has the freedom to choose their own way of life. As I mentioned earlier, my parents' generation had a lot of lively debates. Sometimes, they felt most comfortable when they were engaged in lively discussions. As children, if you listen to them, you can help them mediate and learn from their experiences. I highly recommend establishing good boundaries. Your relationship with your parents is unique and special. While we can't change their patterns, we can choose to embrace them and honor our own paths. No matter what they choose, it's essential to support them. By doing so, you can find peace and joy in your own journey. I'm not sure if you agree with this, but I'm excited to explore this perspective with you.

Absolutely! Seeking help from a professional counselor is a great idea.

I know that when you came here to ask your question, you were feeling a bit conflicted and uncomfortable inside. You want to make both parents happy and you want to have a happy family, and I know you can do it! I suggest that you seek help from a professional counselor. You can let them talk to your parents. If they are willing, we can give ourselves some psychological counseling to adjust our perceptions, so that we can do our own thing and strengthen our inner selves, no matter what choice our parents make. We can all deal with it positively and courageously. Do you agree with what I've said?

You can feel your father's concern for you, your mother's dependence on you, and your hope that they can both be happy. You also hope to feel happy yourself. This is a great expectation! So as long as you don't give up, keep looking and trying, and find a way to make both you and your parents comfortable with seeking help from a professional counselor, it may be of great help to you. I really hope you will consider it!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

As a healing practitioner, I would like to extend a supportive gesture to you at the outset. What is the optimal course of action for a child in the event that their parents are experiencing discord and engaging in heated discussions upon the father's return?

From a psychological perspective, the family unit serves as a source of stability and resilience. The father represents a source of strength and guidance, while the mother provides a foundation for tradition and continuity. Happy families exhibit a shared sense of well-being, while unhappy families may face unique challenges. The influence of male chauvinism can be seen as a driving force within the family structure. Despite external injustices, men may seek a sense of superiority within the home. If there is no outlet for expressing these feelings, they can manifest as resentment towards those closest to them. Every family faces its own set of difficulties. While a family may appear happy on the surface, underlying issues may still exist. Parent-child conflict can hinder children's healthy development. However, even if these issues are resolved, the scars of such an environment can leave a lasting impact on children's personalities and sense of security. The mutual harm caused by these imbalances can be likened to the imprint of nails on a wooden board. Even if the nails are removed, the imprint persists in our minds.

The parents exhibited incompatible personalities: one was slow-tempered, the other quick-tempered, and they engaged in frequent conflict. We are all flawed individuals, and our development is influenced by our family of origin. No one is born an expert at adapting to their environment. With regard to emotional intelligence, it is not as discerning or clever as we might assume.

In light of these considerations, it becomes evident that the combination of parenting style, environmental shaping, and self-development plays a pivotal role in shaping an individual's character and disposition. There is no absolute right or wrong, no inherent good or bad, but rather a spectrum of mindsets, habits, and subsequent behaviors. Relationships are formed, sustained, and terminated based on the nature of the connection.

The reason for growing tired of each other from falling in love to marriage is probably still in each other. Attempting to identify external causes in every situation will inevitably result in the same outcome after ten years. Conversely, focusing on internal causes in every situation will lead to a new situation every day. When there is a lack of mutual understanding and tolerance for certain characteristics, it can lead to conflict and discord. The environment and characters may remain unchanged, but our perception and mindset evolve over time. What was once perceived as positive may become today's unacceptable negative. There is no love without a reason, and there is no hatred without a reason. Therefore, the mutual harm has officially begun.

My father has a PhD but lacks social skills. He is unable to cook, drive, or manage his own affairs. Consequently, my mother has developed a negative sentiment towards my father.

His salary card was confiscated by his mother, and he has been residing at his grandmother's house. The original purpose of communication was to facilitate the flow of water from one end to the other. Over time, communication evolved into a means of interaction, feedback, and forming a closed loop between the transmitter and receiver. However, in the present era, there is a growing tendency for individuals to be less mindful of their verbal expressions, resorting to expressing whatever comes to mind. According to Wei Shen of Peking University, when an individual's IQ reaches a certain level, their emotional intelligence may not be as valuable. Conversely, for an ordinary person with an average IQ, emotional intelligence becomes a crucial aspect of social interactions and interpersonal relationships. Effective emotional intelligence enables individuals to navigate situations with precision and foster positive relationships with others. Consequently, it is not surprising that two individuals with contrasting personalities may face challenges in maintaining harmony within a family.

The mother displays a short temper and occasionally strikes her husband due to his inability to shave, frequent sneezing, and perceived lack of ability to perform tasks. She frequently encourages him to leave the house. Women are known to exhibit both emotional and rational tendencies, leading them to express frustration over seemingly trivial matters. Men, on the other hand, are more inclined to exhibit rational thinking and emotional responses. This explains why many of our decisions and actions are influenced by factors such as mentality, habits, and thinking. The mother displays high levels of emotional reactivity and a tendency to control her emotions, which may contribute to her tendency to view family members who do not align with her expectations or live up to her standards with disdain. It is not uncommon for individuals in such environments to engage in behaviors such as sneering. It is not difficult to imagine that one might experience feelings of depression in such a typical family setting. The father also chose to avoid reality due to his inability to tolerate it and his desire to avoid conflict.

He believed his father did not love his mother because he did not care about her, and they fought whenever they met. He felt his father only cared about himself. His mother did not have many friends, and she often confided in him. He felt she was even more helpless now that her child had gone away to school.

It is my hope that they will divorce so that both parties can be happy. However, I recognize that divorce will cause significant distress for the child.

The pain that your original family has caused you will be carried over into your new family. You are aware that your parents have chosen to persevere with life because of you or the integrity of the family. Given the realistic conditions that even you as a child can see, it is understandable that they do not fully comprehend your perspective. Regardless of the current state of your parents' relationship, they are motivated by a desire to provide you with love and support. The ongoing conflict between your parents also creates a sense of instability. While you hope that their divorce will bring an end to the constant disagreements, you are also concerned about your mother's future.

It is evident that the mother's disappointment in the father has led to a tendency to complain. This resentment is evident in her interactions with others. Her words, expressions, and body language all indicate a dislike for the father. Despite the limited information available, it has been analyzed in response to the mother's questions. The following suggestions may be helpful to consider:

It is difficult to ascertain whether there is genuine affection between the parents. When conflicts reach a certain level of intensity, it is understandable that the couple may choose to separate, and this should not be viewed as a negative action. However, as a child, it is not always easy to comprehend the true thoughts and psychology of the two individuals. If necessary, it may be beneficial to arrange a meeting to discuss the situation in a calm and constructive manner. If the couple does wish to separate, it is preferable to do so in a timely manner rather than allowing the situation to become more complex. Maintaining a sense of calm can also be an effective way to create distance and allow time for reflection. If we can resolve issues through distance, it may be an option worth considering.

If a solution cannot be reached through distance, then time must be considered. If time is not a viable solution, then avoidance is the only remaining option.

There are two key figures in this situation: the image-conscious and spiritual father, and the hard-working and aggrieved mother. It is challenging for an impartial third party to make decisions regarding family matters, particularly when there are emotional entanglements involved. Since you are tired, you don't have to meet, but only if you agree. Marriage is a decision that should be made by two people, and it is also a significant factor in the child's upbringing. Everyone wants to feel loved, especially close relatives.

The mother is a strong figure in the family, representing the values of the household. However, she is also a woman who appears strong on the outside but is actually weak on the inside. She believes that she contributes more than her husband and that he does not share the workload. The father is weak but represents rationality. He avoids arguments and prefers to avoid conflict. The man's indulgence and the woman's arrogance have led to an increasingly difficult reconciliation of family conflicts. There is no single problem; there is an improper approach. Talking nicely and communicating well is the only way to ensure that both husband and wife work together to maintain this complete family. This is an extremely unfair situation, so you need to break them down one by one and win them over. Work with the mother, consider the father's difficulties, and realize that any difficulty can be overcome with the right approach.

It is sometimes necessary to take a step back and consider the underlying issues that are causing conflict. If they separate, it can be an effective way to relieve pressure, but it is not a long-term solution. If they had already separated a long time ago and are still arguing, it suggests that their values have diverged. This difference is often the result of a series of minor events that have accumulated over time. It is essential to persuade the father to address this issue. A man can be either strong or flexible, but it is crucial to persuade the father to do so.

This advice is intended as a general reference point. The global network connects us all. Best regards,

Greetings, It is my hope that the following response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

From your account, it is evident that your parents care about and love you, yet they frequently engage in conflict. You may perceive a marriage characterized by frequent discord as inherently unhappy, but do they themselves regard it as such? My in-laws also experience frequent disagreements, yet they have been together for four decades. I once held the belief that they were unhappy, but upon listening to them converse, I realized that they did not perceive it as such. They stated that despite having engaged in arguments throughout their lives, if presented with another opportunity, they would still choose to remain together.

Arguing is merely one of the methods by which they communicate. Should they be unwilling to alter their behaviour, they will continue to do so. The fact that they have divorced does not necessarily indicate that they are happy. Should they be able to gain a deeper understanding of each other within the context of their relationship and better meet each other's needs, it might prove a more beneficial arrangement for them and for the wider family unit.

It is this author's recommendation that the following course of action be pursued:

The crux of the matter is that we must recognize our own expectations of the parent-child relationship and respect their unique approach to getting along.

It is possible that we anticipate a parental relationship that is ideal, harmonious, and devoid of conflict. However, in reality, parents often engage in disagreements when they interact, with the father displaying a lack of concern for the mother's perspective and the mother exhibiting a lack of understanding of the father's viewpoint. This can lead to feelings of disappointment.

As previously stated, this is merely their method of resolving conflicts. Additionally, it is a universal phenomenon that couples engage in disagreements, and no marital relationship is devoid of contention. It is an objective reality that when two individuals cohabitate, there will be a multitude of disagreements and disputes. Despite the prolonged duration of their union, the parents in question have not considered divorce and continue to maintain their marriage. This illustrates that they still perceive a need for each other, yet they simultaneously experience some degree of dissatisfaction and discomfort in their relationship.

This is an issue that requires their maturation and resolution.

It is essential to recognize that our expectations of our parents are often idealized, and that there is a discrepancy between these expectations and the reality of who they really are. By acknowledging this discrepancy, we can reduce the internal conflict that often arises when our parents behave in ways that are not in alignment with our expectations. Furthermore, accepting our parents' limitations and imperfections does not negate the love and care they have for us.

2. One may utilize one's role as a conduit for facilitating communication between parents and thus contribute to the growth of their relationship.

Given that both parents care about you and that your mother is willing to divulge her innermost feelings, you can also utilize your role as a mediator to convey their respective thoughts and needs to your father and mother. You should inform your father of your mother's desire for him to take action on her behalf and relay to your mother what your father requires from her.

When one can facilitate communication between the two parties and convey their mutual feelings, this will also promote the development of their relationship.

Once mutual understanding and the ability to meet each other's needs are established, it is likely that conflict will diminish. In fact, when arguments do occur, they are often rooted in a fundamental mismatch between the perceived rightness or wrongness of a situation, and the underlying need for fulfillment. When the needs of both parties are met within the relationship, it stands to reason that conflict will become less prevalent.

It is therefore evident that your role is of significant importance. You have the capacity to convey warmth and strength, which can contribute to the happiness of your parents.

3. It is possible to articulate one's expectations of one's parents and one's aspiration for familial harmony and happiness.

It would be beneficial to communicate these concerns and thoughts to your parents. Expressing your concerns and expectations about their relationship in a sincere manner can help your parents understand your needs and make adjustments accordingly.

As an illustration, if a child is preparing to leave the family home and is concerned that their mother will become even more dependent, they can communicate their feelings and needs to their parents separately. They can inform their mother that they will be absent from the family home and express their concern that she may become isolated and lack a source of support. They can suggest that she maintain contact with their father and request his assistance if needed. Similarly, they can inform their father that their mother may require additional support and guidance, given her limited social network. They can request his assistance in providing her with a sense of security and stability during their absence.

A fundamental principle of psychology is the law of attraction, which posits that expectations and beliefs shape reality. If we expect the best and long for happiness, and if we believe firmly, then we will ultimately reap beauty and happiness. Therefore, if you can firmly believe that mom and dad can become more and more harmonious and happy, then in the future, with your joint adjustments and efforts, they will really become more and more harmonious and happy.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Best wishes!

Good day, classmate. I perceive a certain degree of confusion in your demeanor. Allow me to extend a gesture of comfort.

The issues you are currently facing are indicative of marital discord. I extend to you my sincerest sympathies.

You have indicated that you hope your parents will divorce, but you perceive this as a painful prospect for you as a child.

It seems reasonable to conclude that you are still in middle school.

Indeed, it is not uncommon for parents who are in conflict to engage in heated discussions as a means of communicating their feelings and opinions.

I have previously observed that couples who engage in frequent conflict often remain deeply in love.

Nevertheless, even in the event of a divorce, it is probable that they will arrange your life in a satisfactory manner.

For example, who will be responsible for the payment of your living expenses and tuition fees?

It is erroneous to assume that a divorce necessarily signifies a diminution of parental affection.

Furthermore, as the book elucidates, there are only three fundamental aspects of life that we need to be aware of: our own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of the divine realm.

The occurrence of a quarrel between a father and mother upon the father's return home does not necessarily indicate a problematic relationship.

Given your current circumstances, the most prudent course of action is to focus on your studies and strive for academic excellence. This will provide your parents with the greatest sense of reassurance.

It is my sincere hope that a solution to the problem you are currently facing will be found in the near future.

I have no further suggestions at this time.

It is my sincere hope that my above responses are both helpful and inspiring to you. I am the answer, and I study assiduously each and every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and wish you the utmost success.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan.

In the original family, the mother and father often had conflicts, which often affected the questioner and caused them pain. From the questioner's description of the conflicts between the parents, it seems that the father's role in the family was limited. He often struggled to play a positive role in the family, which caused the mother to have a lot of dissatisfaction with the father.

The questioner's mother has made a lot of sacrifices for her family, so it's only natural that she'd have some complaints about her husband and that there'd be a lot of conflict.

In the original family, conflicts between parents can easily make children feel guilty because they're confused about how to act in this situation. They may even blame themselves for causing their parents to argue, which is why the questioner feels so upset. Don't blame yourself for the responsibilities of these families. The questioner's parents are both responsible for the deterioration of their relationship.

If the questioner wants to help their parents make some adjustments, they can go to the neighborhood committee or street office for help. If the relationship between the parents has become very bad and cannot be repaired, the questioner can ask the parents to consider whether they want to stay together or if they are comfortable with the way things are. It's difficult for us to influence our family members in an intimate relationship. The parents should discuss and resolve the future of the relationship together.

As a child, it's tough to give them advice. If the relationship takes a different turn, the questioner and parents will be in a tricky spot.

Since this is a platform where in-depth communication isn't possible, I can only suggest ways to deal with the current negative emotions:

You don't have to take on the responsibility of the parents.

The intimacy between parents isn't the questioner's responsibility. As a child, the questioner can only help his mother cope with her negative emotions. Because the intimacy has developed to its current stage, it's the result of the two people's joint efforts, and neither person is solely responsible.

So the main thing the questioner needs to understand is that the parents' intimacy is their own business. The questioner doesn't need to take responsibility for them, nor does he or she need to shoulder the responsibility of forming a family, such as how they should get along in the future.

Of course, this isn't saying that the questioner should ignore their family completely. It's just a suggestion to do what they can without shouldering responsibilities that aren't theirs or sacrificing their own interests to help their mother. This is also unfair to the questioner.

It's important to accept the reality of the situation.

The parents' marital status is already like this, and it's tough for the questioner to change the current situation of his parents. This is something you have to accept. Even though the questioner and his parents can't control each other's feelings and thoughts, they can change their attitude towards them, which will change the other person's attitude towards you.

It's tough to change how others think, especially when they don't see what they're doing wrong and aren't open to change. The only person who can change them is themselves. If the parents' fighting always makes the questioner feel deeply troubled, there's a simple way to teach the questioner here: learn to listen.

If parents argue, the first five minutes are spent venting their emotions. It would be helpful for the questioner to learn to identify what they really want to express while they vent. There are some issues with the parents' communication patterns that have led to their current situation. If the questioner wants to help them improve their relationship, they might as well learn how to control their emotions, learn to listen, and help them express themselves clearly.

It's time to get moving!

It's normal to feel negative emotions when there's conflict with your parents. One way to combat this is to get moving.

If you're looking to shift your mood and feel more positive, it's time to get active! Go outside, soak up some sun, and move your body. It might feel challenging at first, but with time, you'll notice a difference. You'll feel more energized, your mood will lift, and you'll feel like your happiness levels are back on track.

Exercise gets your blood flowing and gives your brain a boost of oxygen, which makes you feel more comfortable. It also helps relieve tension in your nervous system. When you exercise, your brain releases a chemical that makes you feel happy. You'll feel this after you exercise, which will encourage you to use exercise to dispel negative emotions.

Show your mother you're there for her.

Show your mother you care by letting her know you'll always be there for her, no matter what. Let her know you'll support her and be there for her in the future. Ask her what kind of help she needs from you. If you can, help out with things she needs help with. If you can, take her out for walks more often and expose her to more nature.

By staying in touch with the outside world more often, the mother can be distracted from dwelling on family matters. Ask your mother more often, "What can I do for you? I want to share more of the burden."

I think the questioner's mother will feel loved here and start to change.

If you need help, find a professional psychologist.

If you feel that your family of origin is negatively affecting you, you might want to consider seeking professional psychological support. I would suggest looking for a counselor or someone to talk to on a psychological platform. They can help you deal with the influence of your family of origin and learn to navigate the influence of your parents.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question.

Good day, my name is Jialan.

After reviewing your account, I would like to share my insights with you in the hope that they will be of assistance.

In regard to your inquiry, "What should children do when their parents are unhappy and argue as soon as the father gets home?" If you are seeking a literal answer, it is evident that you, as a child, must have a highly effective method for addressing this situation.

You already have this method in place. What I am referring to is…

It is important to note that all individuals already possess the resources they require to achieve their goals. However, they may not have fully explored or tested these resources. In the context of parent-child relationships, children can effectively communicate and mediate with their parents from a child's perspective and tone. This can contribute to a more positive atmosphere. The specific words used in any given situation are crucial. The most important aspect is the inner goal. It is essential to recognize that despite the current challenges, there is still love between parents. The goal is to establish a harmonious and warm mode of communication. Once this inner goal is clear, various approaches can be considered. If one method is not effective, it can be replaced with another. If the new method produces positive results, it should be continued.

The quick and slow-tempered parents complement each other perfectly. It is not possible to find two individuals with perfectly matched personalities; the key is to learn how to manage the inevitable friction that arises from spending time together.

Regarding the parents' disagreements, the mother's actions appear to be driven by a desire to express her appreciation for his support and to address her concerns. It's possible that the father's decision to seek refuge at his grandmother's house was a means of aligning with the mother's perspective and providing her with some space to process her emotions.

There is more than one side to every story, and different perspectives lead to different outcomes. Different individuals will have different opinions, including your own, your mother's, your father's, and mine. It is important to recognize that none of these opinions are absolutely objective.

Even when behavior and emotions are misinterpreted in the moment, for example, when the mother genuinely wants the father to assist, her words may be perceived as complaints about his clumsiness. Similarly, when the father genuinely wants to uplift the mother's spirits, his words may be interpreted as excuses to leave.

If the father is a male chauvinist who lacks communication skills and the mother is a tomboy who is inexperienced in social interactions, we, as children, serve as an ideal mediator.

The older generation of parents often lacks the ability to express their love for one another. As a result, they may not be aware of their feelings towards each other. However, as they grow older, they tend to rely on each other for companionship. We are aware of the challenges our mothers face and are committed to providing them with the best possible support. We can assist them in expressing their inner feelings of kindness towards each other.

As we mature and establish our own lives, our parents may continue to have disagreements. However, these disputes can actually strengthen their relationship, making them feel safer and less isolated.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a happy new year, happiness, and good health.