What should I do about my parents' views on my relationship? Should I listen to them or follow my heart?

Hello. I can see some of your current worries from your description. Your sentence, "I just want to choose for myself for once, but is it really that difficult?" has particularly caught my attention. Before discussing the issue, I would like to give you a big hug to show you that I support you.

Let's be frank. It's challenging for parents and their child to see eye to eye on the choice of a romantic partner or marriage partner. I'm aware this may intensify your sense of the difficulty in solving this problem.

It depends. You need to be willing to change your perspective on the issue and your strategy for dealing with it.

First, compare your views with your parents' on what constitutes a good marriage and a good marriage partner. Identify the similarities and differences, as well as the areas of overlap and disagreement.

Second, you can and should compromise and adjust to these differences. This is your marriage, so you must tell your parents your thoughts as clearly as possible and gain their support. This is crucial for getting more help and support from your parents in the future when dealing with practical problems.

When it comes to things you cannot compromise on, be clear about your attitude and adopt a gentle approach. Persist in the right way and gradually make your parents accept it in the future with your better state of life, even if they find it hard to accept. Parents want their children to live a happy life, so as long as you can live a happy life, your parents will eventually support you.

You don't have to choose between your family and your heart. You can find common ground to solve the problem.

The above are my personal views, for reference only. Take care of yourself.

Hello question asker!

You're new to society but you're already an adult. You've had over ten years of schooling and you can think and judge for yourself. You just need more social experience.

Schools and families can't teach you this. Starting work is the start of your social life. Later, you'll fall in love, get married, have kids, and take on social and family responsibilities. You'll have to leave your parents and do it on your own.

You said, "I just want to choose for myself for once." It seems like you haven't had much choice since you were a child.

This may be because of how your family was raised. You have always been protected by your parents, but now that you have started working, you have begun to face everything independently. You will need to learn to make your own choices.

How do you do that?

Don't object just to object.

The girl who was arranged didn't like it. She just wanted to choose for herself. This shows that the questioner has been arranged too much in the past. This time, she wants to take back the initiative. She needs to think about whether she doesn't like girls who are arranged or the feeling of being arranged.

Following your heart doesn't mean being stubborn.

Following your heart doesn't mean being stubborn. The questioner should consider their parents' opinions when making important life decisions.

They have a lot of life experience and wisdom that young people don't have. But there's a difference in opinion because of the age difference. There's no need to dwell on this. The questioner just needs to accept with an open mind and use what is useful, while leaving the rest to time.

Careful analysis of the key points.

The questioner should talk to his parents to understand what they want in a partner. What do they have in common? What are the differences?

The final outcome depends on the questioner's opinion, with the parents' opinions as a supplement. You will be walking hand in hand with that girl. Parents are more practical, focusing on day-to-day life, while the questioner is more emotional, focusing on people.

I support the questioner. Love is beautiful. All realistic difficulties can be overcome with hard work. But a lover who makes your heart pound is something you can encounter but not seek.

I hope the OP finds his ideal girl soon!

Hello, I'm Liang Qingyou!

Rather than asking whether you should listen to your family or follow your heart, it is more like a rhetorical question with a strong sense of doubt: "Is there anything wrong with following your heart?"

I'm so excited to make such a bold guess because in your question, you wrote the following sentence:

My family set me up on a blind date with someone they knew. I didn't think the girl was my type, but my family was insistent that I go and talk to her. I found an excuse and let the matter drop.

It's so inspiring to see the strength within you in this passage! It's impressive how you managed to get away with not following your parents' wishes by simply making up an excuse.

You met a girl you have a crush on, and when your family found out, they got angry, and you had a fight with them. You stood up for yourself right away and dared to argue with your family for the girl you liked. This is another burst of personal inner strength!

You said, "Before you have made a decision, and even before you know whether the girl likes you or not, or what her family is like, your family is still against you having any contact with your girlfriend."

This reminds me of a common refrain from parents: "I'm only looking out for your best interests, why don't you listen to me?" In particular, I noticed you say: "I just want to make a choice for once, is that so hard?"

I had no idea you didn't get to make many choices growing up. But you still questioned your parents' interference and wanted to make a choice for yourself just once. Way to go for being so determined to be yourself!

But after all, you are used to listening to your parents. This time, you are a bit troubled and worried about whether you should still listen and whether you should give up the right to make important life decisions to others, even if that person is your parents. But you know what? You're going to make your own choices! You're going to stand up for yourself! You're going to be the one in control of your life!

If you ultimately follow your parents' advice and voluntarily give up the right to choose who to marry, you can justifiably blame them if your future marriage is unhappy. But if you choose to follow their advice and it leads to a happy marriage, you'll be thanking them for it!

If you don't give your parents the authority, what could possibly go wrong? Think about it!

Maybe the answer is already in your heart! Asking a question is just a way of seeing how many people are on your side.

And there's nothing wrong with your parents introducing you to someone from a similar background. After all, they've had a lot of experience and broadened their horizons! It's just that we can broaden our understanding of "similar background" to include not only family background, but also ability and knowledge, which shouldn't differ too much.

So, with the right background, is there any other good way to help you decide if that girl is the right person? Absolutely!

First, you must be attracted to someone; without attraction, there is no love. Second, you both have a desire to share! This means that she wants to tell you about even the smallest things in her life, and you are willing to listen.

That's all! Best wishes! I'm not sure if it will help you, but thank you so much for showing me the incredible strength of a person's heart.

Hello, I'm Gentle Sky, the quality answerer. From your description, it seems like your parents' interference in your friendships and marriage is making you feel a bit confused, helpless, and hopeless.

You've already made the big move away from home and settled into a new city, studying for a master's degree and working. It's so great that you're ready to take control of your life and your future! You've already told your family about meeting someone you like of the opposite sex, which shows that you care about your parents' feelings and respect them. It can be really hard when you have different ideas and there are conflicts with your parents. Let's take a look at what you can do.

Take care of yourself and be kind to your heart.

You left your hometown to study and start working, looking forward to a brand new and wonderful future. You have met friends you can talk to, but your family objects, leaving you feeling a bit conflicted.

I think if you're longing for a life of your own, it's really important to get to know yourself well. Think about your experiences, your preferences, your needs, and your pursuits. Making decisions about your own life means taking responsibility for your own choices. Every choice has its pros and cons, which are determined by the dual nature of things.

Take your current relationship problems as an example. It's totally normal to have feelings for the opposite sex! Adults, especially educated people, should think about how to deal with their emotions in a mature way. What do we like about other people? Could this liking turn into a romantic relationship and then marriage?

How do I face the person I like, and what kind of relationship or family do I need? You mentioned in your article that you have always been single. Have you never been in love? It's totally okay if you haven't! We all need to experience, feel, and grow on our own.

It's a great question! What kind of relationship do we want to maintain with our parents after we become adults?

It's so important to become an independent and mature person! We can do this by gradually separating psychologically from our original family. This gives us the chance to start our own lives. Don't worry, separation doesn't mean a decrease in affection for our parents. It just means that we can maintain our own spiritual independence.

It's so important to remember that our parents love us and that they care about our feelings. We can think about what kind of love is best for us. I agree: the best parent-child relationship is probably one in which parents let children grow and learn to make their own choices and take responsibility. Then they can explore and experience, to find themselves and their own lives.

It's so important to try to understand what your family members are feeling and thinking, and to communicate with them in a way that's respectful and helpful.

It would be great if adults and parents could understand and respect each other, but if there's interference and control, it might help to calm down and find a way to communicate that's more appropriate. You said you had a fight with your parents. Could it be because you both want the other to approve and understand you?

From your writing, I can tell that you are quite assertive. It's clear that you don't like the girl your family has introduced you to, and you have already declined in a tactful way. You also know that there is someone you like. If you can try to understand your parents' feelings, they may just be worried that you will find someone unsuitable, which will affect your life, and perhaps their lives as well. I'm sure they just want what's best for you!

Your parents are older than you and have had their own life experiences. Everyone's life experiences have their own insights and wisdom. They mentioned the need to be compatible, which is a great point. But what exactly is compatible? You can have your own understanding and find out how much your original family has influenced your love life and marriage.

It's totally up to you whether you want to consider the issues raised by your parents. Either way, you'll learn to judge these things for yourself.

Also, if you're not sure what to do, do you think you should explain to your parents about your relationship? How do you usually communicate with your parents?

Take a moment to think about what you could say to your parents to reassure them and help them see your idea in a new light.

I'd highly recommend reading "The Power of Self-Growth" and "Talking to Another Self." They're great books that'll help you learn more about yourself and your relationship with your family of origin. I truly believe that life is all about experiencing it for yourself. Making friends is a great way to do that, and entering into love and marriage requires a certain amount of rationality and growth.

I really hope this has been a little inspiring for you and that it'll help you think through your decision.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm thrilled to be here to help!

First of all, thank you so much for trusting us and being willing to tell us your concerns so that we can help you. You ask, "Should I listen to my family or follow my heart when it comes to their views on me dating?"

"Let me give you my thoughts first: follow your heart! Next, I will talk about my analysis.

1. Arrangement

1⃣️, plans

You say, "I'm studying for a master's degree in a big city, and I plan to stay here afterwards. I've also found a good job, and my family's situation is OK, but I've always been single."

You are a bold young man who has left your hometown to study in a big city. I can see that you are a person with your own ideas who is ready to make your own way in the world.

Your family background and academic qualifications are excellent! The only thing lacking is that you are single. This adds a significant amount of worry to your future arrangements, but it also opens up a world of possibilities!

2⃣ Parents' opinions

You said, "My family arranged a blind date for me with someone they know (a girl from a well-off family). I don't really like her type of girl, but my family keeps pressuring me to go and talk to her! I made an excuse and let the matter drop."

Your family has a traditional view of marriage, which is great! They believe that the marriage of their children must be of equal status, obey the parents' orders, and listen to the matchmaker's advice. However, you have a different view. You believe that you should be the one to decide on your own marriage, which is a wonderful thing!

So, you found an excuse, and I rejected the girl who was quite involved in family matters. This also set the stage for the conflict you later had about what kind of relationship to have—and it was a doozy!

3⃣️, arguments

You say, "Recently, I found a girl in the neighborhood who is quite lively and cute. She and I also get along well and want to develop the relationship."

But when the family found out, they got pretty mad and said that I needed to find a girl from a good family or a girl I knew well if I were to stay in the big city, and that it would be more stable if we bought a house later. I had a fight with my family because of this, but it was totally worth it!

Personality You are an outgoing, charming, and fun-loving person. You have a knack for making friends and connecting with people. You enjoy lively and cute girls and have a great time together.

You like lively and cute girls, and you two get along really well!

It's so great that you've found a girl who makes up for your shortcomings! You are more or less an introverted, unsociable boy, but this girl is really making a difference in your life.

The family has always been involved in your life choices and also comments on your relationships. You generally tolerate your parents' interference and either make excuses or give in to save face for each other, rarely arguing your case.

Let's talk about disputes!

However, when it comes to deciding who to marry, where your future should develop for the better, whether to buy a house, etc., I don't know if it's because your parents have really touched your bottom line, or if they just want to fight for their rights, and you have a dispute with them.

?? A bottom line!

I've mentioned a bottom line here, and it's great that you have your own bottom line and sense of boundaries! You'll fight for it, and you'll win!

Your parents are used to telling you what to do and manipulating you, and they have no boundaries when it comes to telling you what to do about your marriage, your future development, and your living arrangements. There is a pleasing element to your personality, and this is the root of the remorse and distress you feel after an argument. But here's the good news! You can change all of that!

2. Thoughts and actions

1⃣️, true thoughts

You said, "Actually, I just have a little bit of a good impression of that girl. I haven't decided yet, and I'm not sure if she likes me, and I'm not sure about her family either. But even under these circumstances, my family still strongly opposes me getting in touch with that girl, even on a friendly level."

I just want to make a choice for myself for once! Is it really that difficult? Should I listen to my family or follow my heart?

You're just going with the flow!

You're sharing your honest feelings about the girl you have a crush on, and you're in touch with her now. You're not sure what led you to fall in love, but you're excited to find out! You're open with us about your experiences, and you're eager to please your parents. You're ready to compromise and try new things!

True thoughts

Your confusion is related to your character, and it's a great opportunity for growth! On the one hand, you want to be independent, but on the other, you have the desire to disobey your parents, which is your usual style.

You want to stick to your principles, and you are going to do it! You just need to be careful not to offend your parents.

2⃣️, The reason why you can't insist on your own

It's your personality!

You are unable to assert yourself, and this is entirely due to your personality. I suspect you are a Compliant + Dependent personality type, which is great because it means you have the potential to become a great leader!

Now, let's talk about the "pleaser."

A pleasing personality is all about making others happy! It's about putting others' feelings first and making them feel good. When we do this, we feel safe and loved. It's a win-win!

This means you often pay close attention to your parents' thoughts and feelings, while also learning to listen to your own!

People with a depressive personality

The melancholic personality type is characterized by:

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

You have so many amazing strengths! You're sensitive, loyal, talented, and insightful.

Disadvantages: They are stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, and pessimistic, and passive.

Your character means that even if you fight for your rights, you will feel bad about it in the end and hesitate to confront your parents. But that's okay! You have the power to choose how you react to these situations. You can choose to feel bad about it, or you can choose to feel good about it. You can choose to confront your parents, or you can choose to let it go. You have the power to decide!

Your family has a fascinating history!

Your parents are accusatory and aggressive, which presents an exciting opportunity for growth and change!

People with no boundaries who are accusatory

Blame-shifters are great at ignoring others, attacking, criticizing, and blaming. They love to pass the buck! "It's all your fault," "What's wrong with you?" are their catchphrases.

Blame-shifters have no boundaries. They accuse others to prove that they are right. But there's more to them than meets the eye! Deep down, they are actually empty and insecure, so they use bravado to show their dignity. They are actually afraid of being looked down upon and ignored.

People with an aggressive personality

A radical personality is characterized by:

Characteristics: strong will, action-oriented, energetic, and achievement-oriented—what a great combination!

You have so many amazing strengths! You're courageous and decisive, persevering, unafraid of hardship, and highly self-disciplined.

Disadvantages: short-tempered, lack of empathy, stubborn, arrogant, and complacent.

If parents have been raising you in this authoritative manner for a long time, you will have the incredible opportunity to lose your sense of self and boundaries, comply with their opinions, live up to their expectations, satisfy their vanity, and make them feel their own value. They often cross the line and do things that should belong to you, such as preventing you from doing the things you like, ignoring your feelings and dignity.

You have plenty of energy to spare!

When you can want to be yourself, it is when you have sufficient energy and are confident. You are ready to stick up for yourself and express your own views! You are willing to accommodate them and don't want to offend them, which reflects your strong sense of boundaries and ability to stand up for yourself. You can proudly soften up, please them, and obey them.

Let's talk about communication!

You want to stick to your guns, express your position, views, and determination. You know that fighting doesn't solve your problems, which shows that you have the opportunity to communicate better and use the right communication model.

3. What to do

1⃣️, Stay true to yourself!

It's time to establish a sense of boundaries!

A boundary is, first and foremost, a limit. And what an amazing thing a limit can be! It can be physical, psychological, or even physiological.

People absolutely need boundaries!

A boundary is so much more than just a limit! It's also a rule that protects.

And there's another kind of boundary that's all about you! Your sense of security, identity, and happiness are all within the scope of "me," and it's up to you to consider and achieve them on your own.

Be yourself!

Once you know your boundaries, you can protect them from infringement, do what you should do, and take responsibility for yourself! This is the amazing benefit of establishing a sense of boundaries. It's also an attitude of following your heart to take responsibility for your future.

2⃣️, effective communication

If you want your parents to accept your point of view, you need to use the right communication method, which is effective communication. And you can do it!

Communication is the exchange of information, which is an amazing process! It's the way we convey a message to a communication partner in the hope of eliciting a desired response. When this process is achieved, we have effective communication!

Communication is a two-way street! It involves both verbal and non-verbal messages, with the non-verbal part often being more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is key to building and maintaining both intimate family relationships and complex social relationships.

I'm so excited to share with you the four steps to effective communication!

Step 1: Express your feelings, not just emotions!

Step 2: It's time to express what you want! Don't hide your feelings, let them shine! Express that you are angry, not that you are angry about expressing it.

Step 3: Express your needs, not your complaints. Don't make the other person guess what you want!

Step 4: Express where you want to go, not complain about where you are! Look at the end result, not get stuck in the event.

When you communicate clearly with your parents about your future plans, your outlook on life, and your ideas about love, without getting emotional or complaining, and tell them what you want to achieve, they will be so proud of you!

3⃣️, Change the dependent relationship!

Your relationship with your parents has changed for the better! It's gone from one of child-like dependence to one of independence. Apart from your need to make a determined effort to change, your parents also need to gradually adapt to your separation. Give you the space to grow that belongs to you!

Insist on separation!

Keep that distance, both physically and emotionally, and stick to your guns about this separation thing!

Mutual non-interference is key!

You can do this! Usually, each of you does your own thing, but interact during holidays and when needed. Live your own life!

You are doing great! You are establishing a sense of boundaries, changing attachment relationships, and improving communication patterns, so that you can stick to being yourself and arrange your own future work and life. Your parents have accepted your request for separation and no longer pay attention to your future. They can also live their own lives and you can both shine!

And now, back to the original question: you now know whether to follow your parents' arrangements or follow your heart's answer!

I wish the questioner all the best!

The questioner is good.

I'm Kelly Shui.

Should you fall in love on your own or listen to your parents?

The questioner is studying for a master's degree in a big city, plans to stay, has a good job, and the family is OK, but has been single. The family found someone for me to meet (a girl from a well-off family), although I don't like her.

1: The questioner has good conditions, is studying for a master's, and has a good job.

2. The family is OK.

3: The family arranged a marriage for him.

4: The questioner doesn't like that type.

What is a good match?

The earliest matching of family status can be traced back to the Western Zhou Dynasty, when nobles restricted intermarriage to maintain the purity of the bloodline. During the Jin, Southern, and Northern Dynasties, the "Nine-Grade System" was implemented, with strict family status rankings and a ban on intermarriage between the gentry and the commoners. After the gentry clans disappeared, the Tang Dynasty began to say that "good people and slaves cannot intermarry."

Modern marriage is more about communication and values.

In the past, marriage was based on family status. It was not about love. It was about politics. Having children was secondary. What was more important was what this marriage could bring to the two families.

The questioner knows his own ideas. While the parents may be good, the questioner knows his own choice. You and your future wife will spend the rest of your lives together after getting married and in love.

[You found an excuse and let it go.]

Your parents respect your choice and don't demand you follow their rules.

1: The questioner can tell their parents you can choose your own marriage.

2: The questioner has good qualities, and you should believe you can choose the right person.

3: Marriage is a responsibility. If you choose someone you like, you are responsible for your choice.

4: If you marry someone your parents don't like, there may be problems.

5: If you like the person you're meeting through matchmaking, it's a way to get to know each other. Follow your instincts.

[About the girl you like]

If you meet someone you like, try to make it work.

The girl the original poster is looking for is lively and cute, and she and I get along well.

Love can inspire potential. You can only experience love and being loved by someone you like.

I suggest the questioner love and work hard and let time pass.

The family is angry because you didn't listen to them and didn't choose the girls they introduced you to.

Thank your parents for wanting you to find a good girl from a good family or someone they know well in a big city. It'll be easier to buy a house later on.

Good ideas, but communication is needed.

Tell your parents you need respect and freedom.

2: You're an adult. You can make your own choices.

3: Parents and children need boundaries.

4: Can your parents' ideas replace your own?

The questioner can ask himself:

5: Thank your parents for caring.

I argued with my family.

Arguing is not bad. You let your parents know your limits, which is the start of becoming independent. We all need to become independent from our original families and plan our own lives.

This is probably part of growing up.

Talking to your parents about boundaries and respect will help you deal with their interference in your future marriage.

After an argument, talk to your parents calmly.

If parents love you, they'll understand and be happy for your growth.

They have a son who thinks for himself.

Respecting your parents doesn't mean obeying them.

Talk to your parents honestly.

1: I just have a good feeling about that girl.

2: It's unclear if the girl likes you.

3: We don't know what her family is like.

4: You can choose your friends.

5: You want to choose for yourself and love.

6: Should you listen to your family or follow your heart?

The questioner can ask more questions.

Do you want to listen to your parents forever?

Or do you listen to your heart?

We can know ourselves better, grow, and stand out.

Understand your relationship with your parents.

Happy birthday!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your trust and question. It allows us to learn how to be our own spiritual gardeners and to watch over the spring blossoms and autumn fruits.

From your description, it appears that your current confusion stems from the fact that your parents have somewhat different ideas about your girlfriend search, and you are distressed by this. You are seeking guidance on whether you should prioritize your parents' input or follow your heart.

From my perspective, this issue is not inherently conflicting. The perception of conflict arises from a lack of alignment between the two parties and communication challenges. An alternative approach could be beneficial.

1. What are the differences and common expectations between parents and you regarding the search for a romantic partner?

I believe the discrepancy may be attributed to differing concerns. Parents tend to prioritize the long-term growth and stability of the family unit, whereas the individual in question is primarily focused on the emotional compatibility and mutual attraction between the two parties.

Given your desire to settle down in the future, the first thing to consider is the practical issue of housing. Your family's financial situation allows you to rely on their support.

This is likely to prompt parents to consider the family circumstances of potential partners. It would be helpful to put yourself in their position. If you were a parent, you might have the same concerns.

As a party to the romantic relationship, you are focused on your positive emotional state. The initial romantic interest came from a well-established family background, but you ultimately declined her proposal due to a perception that she did not align with your personal preferences.

The girl in question has developed stronger feelings for you.

It is evident that your parents and you are approaching the concept of a "girlfriend" from disparate perspectives. There is no definitive right or wrong. However, it is also evident that you and your parents share a common expectation: to find a partner with whom you have a mutual affinity and who is capable of thriving in a metropolitan environment.

What is the appropriate response in this situation?

However, my family continued to urge me to speak with the individual in question, so I provided an excuse and allowed the matter to lapse.

It is important to explain that your parents still respect your choice. In response to their objections, you should say:

I have not yet made a decision, but I do have a positive impression of the individual in question.

It is evident that your decision and your parents' counsel share common ground. However, when confronted with a choice, both parties tend to focus on the aspects they find unfavorable, leading to a more pronounced conflict.

It is therefore recommended that you communicate effectively.

2. Gain an understanding of your parents' good intentions and concerns, express your own needs and considerations, and recognize the responsibility that comes with freedom.

It is possible to communicate effectively with your parents and convey that you understand their motivations. They are likely considering factors such as stability and the foundation for building a family.

Furthermore, it is important to understand their concerns regarding your decision. They may be concerned about the financial implications of your choice, or there may be other factors at play.

You may also wish to inquire with them directly.

Furthermore, it is important to communicate that your need for love is a personal decision. Given the unique nature of love, it is not something that can be taken for granted. You have your own expectations and standards for your partner.

Additionally, discussing your criteria with your parents can help them better understand your needs and be more supportive when offering assistance.

It is also important to note that freedom of choice entails responsibility. If you ultimately choose a course of action, you should be prepared to accept the consequences.

Additionally, it is important to communicate to your parents that you are capable of taking responsibility for your decisions and that you will be able to handle the outcome.

My name is Wenquan Shanshan, and I am a psychological exploration coach. I hope the above answers are helpful to you. Best regards,

Hello. From your description, I can see that you have always been sensible and obedient. Your parents have guided you in everything you do. Let me talk about my understanding from a psychological perspective.

We are all individuals. Our parents give us life, but we are in control. Psychology says that from ages 12 to 18, we integrate our sense of self. It seems that your parents love you and have helped you a lot. When you become an adult, you need to feel happy, comfortable, and moved when you are with someone. You also need to share the same values, world view, and outlook on life. You need to be able to communicate deeply with that person. This is all about your awareness and experience. The subconscious force behind psychology cannot be understood or supported externally. Growing up and maturing requires self-growth. You have now reached the time to make decisions for yourself and grow on your own! Including your reflection, asking for help also has the power to stand up to your parents and make your own decisions. Congratulations, you have grown up to be your own master!

Who am I? Who do I want to become?

Think about who you want to be and who you want to be with. Don't worry, take your time. You may feel frustrated or fail along the way, but this is all part of growing up. Accept yourself. I'm a psychotherapist, so if you need help, contact me. I'll help you grow. The world and I love you, and you need to learn to love yourself too. Come on!

Hello! I'm here to give you a 360-degree hug.

From what you've told me, your family wants you to find a girl with good conditions. You've just talked to one and want to develop the relationship a bit, but when your family found out, they expressed their opposition.

You're not sure whether to listen to your family or respect your own heart. So you've come to this psychological question to hear other people's opinions.

Frankly, I believe that in this situation, regardless of whether you heed your family's advice, follow your heart, or listen to online opinions, you will ultimately be disappointed.

You've just finished postgraduate studies in a big city, found a great job, and plan to stay put.

Your parents want you to find a girl with good conditions and from a good family so that things will be more stable when it comes to buying a house and other things later on. They also want you to be stable, and there are considerations about wealth.

After all, the current housing prices in big cities mean that for many families, a house is probably the equivalent of most of their lifetime savings.

You've been chatting with a lively and cute girl and want to take things further, but your family doesn't approve for the same reasons.

This makes you feel like you're at the mercy of circumstances.

So you're asking yourself: should you listen to your parents or follow your heart?

Let's think about this a bit more. Life is long. If you do what your parents want, you might feel a little reluctant in your heart. If problems arise later, you can probably blame it on them. Look, they are the ones who made me do it.

If you don't listen to your parents and choose a girl they don't approve of, you might feel like you've betrayed them for the sake of your partner. This kind of unfilial behavior, this kind of sacrifice, might come up when you argue with your partner. For example, I broke with my parents for your sake, so how could you let me down like this?

You put yourself in a position of moral superiority and demand obedience from the other person with your own sacrifices. Could it be that your partner is just a tool for you to fight against your parents?

At the end of the day, it's your choice. Even if you don't listen to your parents, it might seem like you're being forced to make a choice.

For instance, my parents made me marry someone I didn't like and made me be unfilial. But even if it seems like you're being forced, you're the one who makes the decision.

We're all in the same boat, not just you. Don't take it personally.

Why do we do things we don't want to do and give in to parental pressure?

It's really quite simple: it brings us psychological comfort, especially when it comes to showing our parents respect.

A lot of people are actually pretty afraid of making their own choices. After all, if you make your own choice, you have to live with the consequences.

If you're forced to do what someone else wants, you can avoid the consequences by passing the buck. In short, if you say it was your idea, that's enough to stop someone from questioning you.

Ultimately, we can't go back in time.

Your dilemma is really about not knowing what you want and how to take responsibility for your choices.

I'd recommend speaking with a counselor. The questions here aren't very detailed.

I'm a counselor who's both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I'm also motivated and positive. The world and I love you!

Dear question asker,

It is evident that you are experiencing difficulty in making your own decision for the first time.

From a number of viewpoints,

From the perspective of your parents, it appears that they have been considering your future, your marriage, and your life. It seems that since you were young, your parents have consistently made decisions and arranged matters without giving you the opportunity to make your own decisions. They have made decisions for you without communicating with you or asking for your opinion, which has led you to feel that your inner thoughts have been ignored. Consequently, you have decided to make your own decisions and prove to them that you are independent.

From your personal perspective, you hope that your parents will agree with your ideas and opinions, that they will give you the initiative, and that they will support you in your endeavors. Conversely, when you do not receive the support you desire, you become frustrated.

From a communication perspective,

Firstly, your parents introduced you to a friend without first communicating with you and making the decision independently, which caused you distress.

Secondly, the girl in question has not yet entered into a committed relationship. However, the subject has informed their parents that they have met other girls. In fact, the subject is subconsciously using this girl as a comparison, indicating that they believe they are capable of finding a girlfriend without the need for an introduction. The questioner is seeking to prove their capability in dating, but mistakenly believes that they must make a decision.

Third, it is imperative to remain calm and engage in thoughtful reflection. It is crucial to ascertain whether the desire is to independently make a decision or to demonstrate to one's parents that one has matured and is capable of assuming responsibility for one's own affairs. In the event that the latter is the objective, it is essential to determine how communication with one's parents can be adjusted in a manner that fosters trust and allows for the formulation of a plan for one's future. Engaging in patient dialogue with one's parents is a vital step in this process.

Fourth, it would be beneficial to share with your parents the criteria you use to select a spouse and your vision for a happy married life. This will help them to understand your perspective and recognize your maturity.

Fifth, it is recommended that students share the results of their work with their parents in order to facilitate communication and instill confidence in them.

In conclusion, it can be stated that the underlying cause of conflict with parents is the manner in which communication is conducted. There are instances when immediate resolution is not necessary.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Dear colleague, I can see you're a bit confused. I hope my reply can help and support you.

Studying for a master's degree in a big city, your family also has high expectations for you, hoping that you can find the right girlfriend. This is understandable, and it's a smart move to turn to a platform for help.

You've been putting up with your family's meddling for too long. It's time to take control of your own life. You've met a girl you're interested in getting to know better. You want to live your life on your terms and take the reins. You don't dislike the girl, you just don't want to be controlled by others.

You've been working hard for so many years and have achieved results. You must have experienced many difficulties and obstacles. Take a moment to reflect: I am the master of my own life, I take responsibility for my own life, and I lead a brand new life.

In a family like this, you have to follow your heart and reassure your family. This is where the conflict arises. Ask yourself what you want.

Don't let others control you.

Don't let other people's opinions get in the way.

It's important to get out of the wrong perception.

No matter what, you have the right to decide your own life, stick to your original intentions, and keep your inner thoughts to yourself. You also don't need to rely on others to be able to give your family peace of mind. You will face many things in the future, and you'll have to deal with the consequences. Think about your family's suggestions objectively. You can't let their participation affect your mood. In fact, you have all the answers.

Wishing you the best!

Landlord,

The difficulty or ease of a situation is relative. The most important thing is whether the person making the choice is willing to accept the outcome.

You've graduated and are working away from home, at least in terms of distance. You're completely independent, which means you have the means to choose what you like, but you also have to bear the consequences of your choices.

Family members often make recommendations and suggestions for adult males, but ultimately, it is up to you to decide. We value the opinions of our family of origin because we are not yet ready to bear the consequences of our choices. When our opinions differ from those of our family of origin, we may feel torn, but we must remember that we are the ones who must live with the consequences of our choices.

If the host has made a choice and is prepared to face the consequences, there is no reason to be torn.

The host is currently facing a choice between a good match and a boost from a parent's recommendation, but he doesn't feel it at the moment. The one who feels something for him has not only not been confirmed by both parties, but he himself is not quite sure if it is the choice he has decided on. It seems to be a dilemma, but it is actually because the person involved is confused. If you can change your perspective and look at the present, you will make a different discovery.

Your parents want you to be happy. What do they think happiness is? For them, it's about achieving success and returning to your hometown in glory. It's also about a couple working together to build a business from scratch and contentment with a small fortune and a peaceful life.

The host should clearly state his expectations for his future partner. If he were to rank those expectations, what would be his first choice and bottom line? Does he already have plans for his future life? How far are those plans from being realized? Has he set any small goals and is he already working on them?

As the male owner, you should want to understand the two current options.

...

The above-mentioned problems are not problems. They are opportunities for growth and change. Our role as psychologists or counselors is to guide the person concerned to see the facts for themselves, find their own direction and goals, and inspire practical actions as much as possible in the company. We do this by constantly benchmarking and adjusting according to development.

This approach has even been optimized as a necessary procedure in some practical matters of love and marriage. The advantage is that it allows us to cool the heat through self-reflection. When we are caught in a rhetorical question, it is not that we are incapable of solving the problem. Rather, we define the problem as being specifically about us and enter a mode of self-protection and even defense before we can see what the problem is.

You have the right to choose your own feelings. Make sure you have the strength and courage to do so.

Hello! Your family wants you to find a romantic partner according to their standards, but you have your own ideas and want to fall in love according to your feelings, so you have a disagreement with your family.

You're feeling a little lost and confused, and we get it! We're here to support you.

Love is a personal matter, and that's a good thing!

You have the incredible opportunity to choose a partner because you are studying for a master's degree in a vibrant city, have a great job, and come from a well-off family.

You have the amazing opportunity to choose a partner because you are studying for a master's degree in a vibrant city, have a great job, and come from a well-off family.

Your family has introduced you to girlfriends before, but you don't think they're your type. You have a crush on a girl, and although you haven't decided to fall in love, you'd like to take things further. It's clear that you have your own standards and opinions when it comes to choosing a romantic partner, and you're excited to explore them!

Your family doesn't support your ideas, and they seem quite adamant about it. The resulting arguments make you feel quite bad. But you know what? You care a lot about what your family thinks, and you really want their support. You are torn between your feelings and the differences with your family. But you're also excited about your ideas and the future!

Who should we listen to? It depends on why we are in a relationship. Are we doing it to satisfy the demands of our family, or are we looking for a partner with whom to spend our lives together? Either way, it's an exciting journey!

Who should we listen to? It depends on why we are in a relationship. Are we doing it to satisfy the demands of our family, or are we looking for a partner with whom to spend our lives together?

If you're looking for a lifelong partnership, then your feelings are what matter most!

Let's talk about how to deal with disagreements!

How to handle disagreements like a pro!

Your family members are eager to help you find a girl from a good family or with a good background in a big city. They think that buying a house later will be more stable. These ideas are not factors you should consider, but we should think about how to understand these views of family members.

Factors such as matching social status, knowing each other well, and buying a house are all very realistic ideas! They may sound materialistic and have nothing to do with emotions, but from the perspective of maintaining family stability, these factors are indeed very important.

Your family members are also choosing your romantic partner with the goal of spending the rest of their lives with you. You both have the same goal, and it's so exciting that you're considering it from different perspectives!

The great news is that when it comes to marriage, the emotional foundation and the material foundation are not irreconcilable contradictions. This means there is no need to be diametrically opposed on this issue. And it gets even better! When you stand on opposite sides to defend each other's views, you're neglecting both foundations of marriage. So let's not do that!

Don't jump to conclusions!

You say that you have encountered fierce opposition from your family because you have not yet decided to enter a committed relationship with this girl. In fact, you just want to make your own choice for once, which is great! You and your family members can both seem to be a little more patient on this issue and not jump to conclusions, which will really help.

You and your family need to communicate more deeply. The reason your family is eager to object is that they are worried that your views on marriage partners are biased, so they are eager to keep watch over you.

Why are they so worried? Do they have a comprehensive understanding of your views on choosing a spouse? I bet they don't!

Absolutely! You can prove that you will make mature decisions responsibly. All you have to do is convince your family to let go of their preconceptions. Show them that you are assertive and have mature ideas, and they will be convinced!

And when you make a decision, you should also look clearly at your own heart. When you don't like the person your family has introduced you to, ask yourself: do you dislike the feeling of being arranged, or do you dislike the person? And when you want to confirm a romantic relationship, ask yourself: have you met someone who really moves you, or do you just want to try the feeling of being in control?

Often, we think that we are making our own decisions, but in fact, it is because of the people and things that influenced us during our growth process that we have always had some unfulfilled thoughts. This is great because it means we have the power to change our lives! When making decisions, we can choose to let go of these unfulfilled thoughts and embrace the exciting possibilities that lie ahead.

Talk to your heart! Don't let your mind be led by thoughts that have nothing to do with love. When you can think clearly and make a serious decision, you will be able to convince your family to support your decision!

My name is Teng Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor. I'm so excited to share these tips with you!

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I'm writing in response to your question.

From your description, it seems you are facing a challenging situation where you are unsure of how to navigate the conflicting advice from your parents and your own personal choices regarding romantic relationships. I can empathize with your situation.

It seems that you have developed a fondness for the young lady with whom you have been conversing. You are interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but your family does not approve, which makes you feel somewhat reluctant. It also appears that your family has a strong desire to exert control over your life. However, in this situation, the decisions we make are all choices made under the influence of our family. Ultimately, we must accept the consequences of our choices. With that in mind, I would like to offer my opinion on how to choose specifically:

[1] It may be helpful to listen to your heart and choose. Sometimes when we listen to what our family says, it can show that we may not have our own thoughts and opinions, and we may find it challenging to make judgments and choices about our current situation. In fact, the choice of a romantic partner is a two-way choice between two independent adults. For parents, it may not be as significant. Family members may form this kind of concept in the hope that you and this person can satisfy your own self-esteem under your own control, or that someone familiar can also bring a sense of security to the family.

[2] Learn to take responsibility for the consequences of your choices. Everyone is an independent person, and our choices are our own. It is important to take responsibility for our choices and also bear the consequences of our choices. No matter what choices we make, they are our own lives and have nothing to do with other people.

[3] Strive to achieve your goals. Only you are aware of your inner needs. It is up to you to discern what you truly want. You can gain insight into your own needs and values, and identify the kind of partner you seek or the standards you uphold. In the real world, you will encounter individuals who align with your preferences. If you truly connect with someone, you can courageously pursue a relationship with them. Of course, you need to have your own judgment and the determination to bear the consequences yourself.

[4] Strive to be an independent and growing person. It is beneficial to gain experience of living independently before entering into marriage. In an intimate relationship, it is helpful to be nourished by the relationship, as this can facilitate personal growth. Therefore, a good intimate relationship requires that we see ourselves and each other, maintain and give to each other, so that we can maintain our independence and growth.

Ultimately, it is essential to remember that, regardless of the decision we make, we must have our own choices and opinions, our own judgment, and accept responsibility for the consequences of our choices. It is also important to avoid becoming overly involved with our family of origin and to respect our own hearts, so that we do not regret our decisions.

It is my sincere hope that the above has been inspiring.