What should I do if I hate my husband, want a divorce, and suffer from anxiety and insomnia?

Good morning,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a mindfulness coach. I've taken the time to read your post carefully, and I can sense the anxiety and frustration you're experiencing. I also want to commend you for being so open and seeking help on this platform. This will undoubtedly help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your core needs, and the choices that align with your true self.

I hope that by sharing my observations and thoughts in the post, I can help you to look at the issue from a more diverse perspective.

1. It might be helpful to consider addressing your emotions before dealing with things.

In the original post, the poster mentioned that his depression, anxiety, and insomnia were preventing him from getting up in the morning to go to work. After reading this, I can understand the poster's desire to find a way out of this situation. It's a very normal emotional reaction, given how these emotions can make you feel.

I can understand why you might find this difficult. I am also curious to know how you have dealt with these emotions in the past.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider ways of reducing the pain you are experiencing. In this situation, it might be beneficial for the original poster to take some time to calm down before addressing the issue at hand.

It might be helpful to remember that our emotional brain is moving together, which can sometimes inhibit the operation of our rational brain. When we're feeling a lot of emotions, it can sometimes make it more difficult to see the essence of a problem.

It might be helpful for the original poster to try to calm down their emotions in a way that works for them. Keeping an emotional diary, where you write down your feelings, thoughts, and desires, could also be a useful exercise.

As we have been writing, we have been able to sort out our emotions, listen to them, and express them. This may help to relieve our emotions.

If you feel you are unable to proceed, please do not hesitate to seek assistance.

2. It might be helpful to explore what needs your husband is fulfilling.

From what I can gather from the post, it seems that the poster felt her husband did not treat her as well as her ex-boyfriend did, and vice versa. I felt somewhat unbalanced when I gave more. Even later, I discovered some of my husband's dark history.

If I might inquire further, what led you to choose him in the first place?

This kind of exploration can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs. I believe there are some positive aspects to your husband that led you to choose him.

3. Consider the benefits this relationship has brought you.

While the poster in the post mentioned that you dislike your husband and have even argued frequently about the possibility of divorce, the last time you considered leaving was because you thought about your parents. Perhaps we could take a moment to reflect on whether this is the only reason?

Could you perhaps elaborate on this further?

Every relationship has two sides. If the relationship is still going on, there must be a reason for it. So let's explore the benefits that this relationship has brought you. These benefits, from another perspective, could be seen as our needs.

I believe this kind of exploration is still about exploring our needs.

4. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what kind of relationship you would like to have.

We have taken the time to explore our needs and gain a deeper understanding of them. With this knowledge, it is now time to consider what else we can do for ourselves in this moment. What is the core need in an intimate relationship? We ask about the core need because, in theory, no one can meet all of our needs.

It may be helpful to consider that in an intimate relationship, it's important to know what we want and understand that we cannot have everything. Once we understand what we want, we may be able to make a choice.

5. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether your husband's willingness to spend more time with you would affect your decision to divorce.

In your post, you mentioned that you feel unbalanced when you give more. At that time, you also felt that you cared too much about his thoughts and didn't put yourself first. However, you were anxious about this every day, couldn't sleep well, couldn't perform well at work, and didn't want to socialize with people. You also talked to him about it. You asked him to play games less and talk to you more, but it was to no avail. From this information, we can see that the poster has some expectations of her husband.

If you simply desire for your husband to align with your expectations, let's consider a scenario where he does. How would you perceive this? If you're open to this possibility, how might you facilitate your husband's alignment with your expectations? This is something the original poster might benefit from contemplating.

In your post, you mentioned that communication was unfortunately unsuccessful. I'm curious to know more about how you approached it.

Could I suggest that you consider other ways of communicating? One approach might be to look at the communication model in "Nonviolent Communication".

I hope these will be of some help and inspiration to you.

Hello, sweetheart. I can see that you're going through a rough patch with your marriage and that you're feeling anxious and depressed.

It seems like your sleep and mood are affected, and I can see how that might be affecting your work, too. If you think that's the case, I think you should definitely seek professional help from a counselor. For now, let's chat a bit.

When you're feeling calm, have you ever tried listing the good and bad things you saw in each other when you were in love? It can be really helpful to write them down one by one. Then, try listing what you now see as the good and bad things about the other person. You might find that some things you thought were bad in the past are actually good, and vice versa. It's also good to note what new things you've discovered.

I'd love to know if it touches your bottom line or your tolerance.

— List the reasons why you chose to leave or stay. I found two points for you. You said that you were a bit depressed and had insomnia, but when you lived alone, you were more careful. You read and exercised. Later, when you were with my husband, you also felt that you cared too much about his thoughts.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. It's never easy to go through a divorce, and I can imagine it's especially tough when you're struggling with depression and sleep issues. It's so important to take care of yourself, and I'm here to support you in whatever way I can.

I'm wondering if these two points are related to your divorce.

——It's so important to sit down and have a calm, reflective conversation with your partner about the relationship and ways to improve it. I see that you've already talked to him about playing less games and spending more time with you. But it seems like you've also discovered some things about him that you didn't know before, like some things from his past that were a bit dark.

PC, philanderer, YP, etc., and during the marriage, I was told some not-so-great things about me by a young female colleague. Deleting chat history" may have touched your bottom line, isn't it so? It seems that you have also had a chat about it. You have divorced several times but never managed to get a divorce. From what I can see, your considerations for staying in the marriage seem to be that you have a child and your family is away from home, and practical reasons make it difficult for you to make a decision.

I totally get it. It's so hard to make these decisions. But you know, the choice to leave or stay has to come from within. It's not about comparing with your ex or focusing on the sacrifices you've made. If the crisis is affecting your physical health and work performance, your health has to be your priority.

"I'm really struggling with this. I can't sleep well, I'm struggling at work, and I'm finding it hard to socialise with people." It's so tough when we're facing challenges like this. Have you thought about speaking to a counsellor? They'd be able to help you work through it.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I feel that your main concern is to be able to go to work normally and get out of the current predicament caused by insomnia and anxiety—and I'm here to help you do just that!

Insomnia is really tough to deal with, but you can get through it! It's not easy to get up if you don't sleep well or rest well, but you can do it! You said that you had depression before you got married, and I'm here to help you get back to feeling like your old self again! I don't know how long you've been in this state, but I'm ready to help you find the best ways to take control of your life!

In my opinion, don't rush to turn the situation around. It's totally normal to think a lot about it since your child is young and you're married far away from your family. Even if you're particularly satisfied with your husband, it's natural to think a lot.

And let's not forget that you're still comparing your husband to your ex-boyfriend! We all know that what we can't get is always good. It's a mentality we all have. In fact, to outsiders, your husband may not necessarily be worse than your ex-boyfriend. I have this thought in my heart: if your ex-boyfriend really treats you better than your husband, then there's no need for you to break up with him, right?

It's totally normal to have these thoughts when you're facing the challenges of married life. After all, it's not as easy as when you lived alone before marriage, so you could easily deal with depression and insomnia back then. Now, it's completely normal for it to slightly affect your life, especially given the divorce you've been disappointed enough to file several times. How can these emotional fluctuations not affect your sleep?

Fortunately, you said that during the last divorce, you already understood that you should not think about divorce again due to circumstances such as having no money for your parents, your children, and yourself. In that case, I think you should have a goal in mind. You have seen the reality and should be able to gradually put the thought of divorce behind you!

If you can really calm down and stop fighting so much about the divorce, I think your current predicament will be a little better. Then we can slowly solve the problem together! For example, regarding your husband, he also has his freedom. We know the old saying, "Well, taking money from someone else's hands is the same as putting thoughts in someone else's mind." It's not easy, but it'll be worth it! So, don't think too much about changing your husband. Let's change ourselves!

The good news is that we can improve ourselves and our adaptability. If insomnia is severe, we can seek help from a professional psychiatrist or psychologist for scientific help to alleviate our current predicament as soon as possible.

I have no doubt that you will pick up your old hobbies again when your mind is calm. Listen to relaxing music, go for walks, read books, and calm your mind. Don't look for comfort in your husband, and don't let your husband compare you to your ex-boyfriend. We should only care about ourselves and keep ourselves warm. In other words, we should just be content with who we are, and I know you will be!

I absolutely believe that as long as you change your mindset, you will definitely change your current predicament! Come on! I truly believe that circumstances are born from the mind. I believe you will get better and better!

The world and I love you!

The questioner is depressed and his husband doesn't support him. He wants to leave but doesn't know how.

Let's look at the situation from the inside out.

1. The questioner is depressed. Before marriage, she found relief from her emotional problems through reading and exercise.

After marriage, the questioner may have been too busy to help their family. The husband didn't understand them, which made the questioner feel worse.

2. Depression makes the questioner want to get stronger from the outside to improve their situation. When they were not married, they could read books and exercise to heal themselves.

After marriage, the questioner hopes for support from those close to him. When this is not given, it makes depression worse and causes anxiety.

3. The husband's past has crushed the questioner's hope. It's impossible for someone with so many shortcomings to support and redeem.

This makes the questioner feel insecure and distrust relationships. I think he doesn't want to stay in this relationship.

But the children and family have doubts.

4. I'll give the questioner some advice. We can rely on ourselves the most. We can meet our true inner needs by becoming better and stronger. The questioner tried various things before getting married. It didn't solve his problems, but it did help.

Don't look for support from others. Only you can nourish your heart.

The original poster should focus on exercising and reading. They need to heal and improve so that they can better cope with difficulties and provide a good example for their children. Our parents want us to be happy. The happier the original poster is, the stronger they will be, and the better they will be for it.

Let's look at the outside world.

Your husband may not be as good as your ex-boyfriend, but it's not true. The past is just a story, so don't dwell on it.

If remembering the past makes you feel bad, it's not worth it.

2. The husband was too busy playing to communicate with the questioner. This is a common problem in many intimate relationships. One person wants supportive words and to feel warm and considerate.

The other person wants space and entertainment. There is no right or wrong, just different views.

The real problem is a lack of communication and understanding. One person is unwilling to let the other person have space, and the other person is not thinking about the other person.

3. The problem with the dark history is that it's in the past. We have to face the present.

What matters is whether he has made amends and is willing to return to a normal life.

4. Talking about the questioner behind his back and deleting messages makes the questioner feel uncertain. But from an outsider's perspective, this incident may be viewed differently. For example, when facing a sensitive wife, a husband may have a lot of complaints. After venting to someone he knows, he may worry that his wife will think he is causing trouble and simply delete the messages.

Can the questioner calm down and look at it from an outsider's perspective?

The most important thing is not whether to divorce, but whether the questioner can heal and be happy.

If you want to stay married, stay married. If you want a divorce, get one. Either way, you can still be happy.

Hello question asker.

I've organized your meaning into two main aspects.

You have depression and insomnia. You need to live alone.

Your husband treats you badly, which makes you depressed. You ask him to care more about you, but he doesn't change, which makes you more depressed.

You found out some bad things about him and don't like him. You want a divorce, but you're staying with him for practical reasons.

Fourth, you feel helpless. It's painful not to divorce, but you can't. You're suffering, unable to find a solution, and suffering from insomnia.

You have depression and insomnia. You need to live alone.

Before marriage, you had depression and insomnia. What caused it?

Is it a problem of self-worth or are real events always going wrong? This question can be explored to see if factors that cause depression are still there and have not been resolved. Analyze whether these factors have been brought into the marriage. If they are still influencing the marriage, you need to sort them out.

Depression can be caused by low self-worth, feeling unloved, guilt, and a need to be valued.

Not being cared for and loved makes you depressed. You need to be loved and cared for.

Your husband ignores you a lot, which makes you angry. You hope he will love you more and care for you.

Your depression may be caused by being ignored and not taken seriously.

To understand why you feel neglected and unloved, look at your own upbringing.

Second, you found out a lot about your husband's past. You were disappointed and unhappy, but you couldn't change anything. He spoke badly of you to others, which shows that he is also unhappy with you.

This history before marriage has made you disappointed in him. It happened before marriage, and there's no way to undo it. You think there may be something wrong with his character.

You'll be more negative towards this person.

If he speaks ill of you in the marriage, you'll both be unhappy. You can find out what he thinks of you by listening to his bad words.

His bad words show he expects you to be generous but not sensitive. You are sensitive because you have a lot of emotions inside.

He thinks you are sensitive, which shows you have a lot of emotions inside you and can be easily triggered.

You hope he will love you more, communicate more, and live a happy life together after marriage.

You feel lonely and empty inside because he doesn't care.

Your husband isn't cooperating and isn't meeting your needs. You want to be more satisfied with him, but you can't change him. So, change yourself.

Instead of dwelling on these issues, recognize and explore them. This can help relieve pain and improve things. If you keep mentioning divorce, your husband will lose hope and may not want to make the marriage work.

Wanting a divorce but not being able to have one hurts your family.

Fourth, how to improve.

1. Find out when your depression started.

This is easy to determine. If you need help, you can book a consultation.

2. Don't try to change your husband. He'll change when he realizes his problems and wants to love you more.

Think about your relationship since you got married. If you didn't like each other at the beginning, you probably wouldn't have married. When did you start feeling unloved?

How did your relationship change after marriage?

Work out your problems in your marriage.

Many men play video games.

How much does he neglect you? You need to talk about this.

3. In marriage, things won't always go as planned. If we can't change others, we have to change ourselves.

If no one else cares, love yourself more. Grow stronger and become more confident.

Everyone has different ideas about a happy marriage. What are yours?

Tell your husband what you think about marriage.

If you have different views on marriage, you will have conflicts.

4. You learn to be married and to know and express yourself.

Knowing yourself is the most important thing. It helps us understand and accept the world and others.

I hope this helps.

The message mentions that things have not been going well with her husband, and she has repeatedly considered divorce. In the end, she stayed because she was worried about her parents' feelings, given that she married far away from home, and because of the ties with her child. However, this has led to feelings of inner anxiety and depression.

You often have trouble sleeping, which affects your daily life and work. You would like to find a way out of this situation, but you're not sure how.

It could be said that marriage is a state of being for married people that is almost completely tied to life. It is possible that if a marriage is not happy, it may have a significant impact on one's mental state and quality of life.

It is my sincere hope that the following text will be of some support to you and help you to consider a few more perspectives and ideas when dealing with this topic.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own needs in the marriage.

It is understandable that your husband's past has caused you distress and kept you from getting a good night's sleep. It seems that his attitude towards you is not in alignment with the sacrifices you have made for him, which might be contributing to your feelings of imbalance.

You have expressed your desire to divorce on numerous occasions, which indicates that you are profoundly unsatisfied with the relationship. However, you have chosen to remain in the marriage for the sake of your parents and children.

The latter reason seems to be about "other people." It may be helpful to consider that sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of "other people" may not fundamentally solve your dissatisfaction with the relationship. Instead, it could potentially exacerbate your depression and anxiety by compromising yourself for the sake of "other people."

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether this is truly beneficial for others.

For instance,

1. It is my understanding that your parents hope that you are truly happy. If you are only pretending to be happy for the sake of keeping the peace and you are already suffering, then in the end, your physical and mental health will be affected, which will only make them feel sadder.

2. With regard to the children, studies have indicated that an unhappy family may potentially have a more detrimental impact on children than a single-parent family without violent arguments. Consequently, it may not be entirely beneficial for children to maintain an intact family.

It is worth noting that children growing up in an environment lacking love and affection may learn to express and live a loveless way of life, which could potentially have a significant negative impact on their development.

It may be helpful to consider returning to one's true inner needs in a marriage as a way of resolving the current impasse.

It can be challenging to explore one's inner self.

You might find it helpful to reflect on your own emotional experiences, including your relationship with your husband, as a way of gaining insight into yourself. For example:

1. It is my hope that the effort and rewards are relatively balanced.

2. I hope that we can find ways to ensure that the other person pays attention to and interacts with me.

3. It would be wonderful if the other person were devoted and family-oriented.

It is my hope that the above three points will help the questioner to identify their inner need for love, respect, and security.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to consider whether such needs are likely to subside on their own or improve through adjustment in this relationship.

Secondly, it would be wise to consider whether such needs are likely to subside on their own or improve through adjustment in this relationship.

If the questioner's inner true needs are stable and long-lasting, it is possible that they may not be met and that the original anxiety and depression may not be alleviated, which could potentially lead to the current situation of insomnia continuing.

For these reasons, it would be helpful to consider the following paths:

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider lowering your needs and expectations, and adapting to this state of affairs in the relationship.

If the concerns of the child and the parents are such that you are willing to consider making some adjustments to your own needs, you may wish to explore whether it is possible to stay in the relationship if you let go of your own needs.

2. Perhaps it would be helpful to consider letting go of your expectations of the other person and trying to satisfy these needs yourself.

While marriage is a union of two people, it is not uncommon for unhappy marriages to result in feelings of loneliness.

If the questioner wishes to maintain the status of marriage but is unable to reduce their true inner needs, then attempting to give to others might be a viable alternative.

The process of self-giving is not always straightforward. It is often the case that the care and love from others can feel like a state of loneliness, regardless of how much you give.

This is just an experiment and an alternative, so it's up to the questioner to decide whether it meets expectations.

3. It might be helpful to communicate with your partner to see if you can adjust to a state that is comfortable for both of you.

It is worth noting that arguing is unlikely to result in a win-win situation for both parties. Instead, it can lead to feelings of fatigue and disinterest in the relationship. In light of this, it may be helpful to consider alternative approaches, such as opening up and communicating calmly.

Could I ask what made the original poster willing to marry the other person? Do you think this part of the reason still exists in this marriage?

This part may have the potential to assist you and your partner in opening up to each other's inner world, allowing you to work on your marriage together.

4. Consider shifting your internal needs from expectations of your husband to others.

It is worth noting that the functions that a marriage can carry also vary from person to person. If your husband is indeed relatively weak in this area, but you still want to continue to maintain the marriage, it may be helpful to consider whether it is possible to meet some or all of your expectations through interactions with other people.

This may involve some of the more complex ethical and moral factors after the transfer of emotions. It would also be helpful for the questioner to consider where the boundaries between themselves and others lie, in order to make an attempt.

It is my sincere hope that the above sharing will prove inspiring for you.

I am a psychologist who does not explore human nature, but only cares for the human heart. I hope you find the best path forward.

Hello, question asker. I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to check in and see if I could offer some assistance with your question.

I hope I can offer you some insight into your question.

In a marriage, if you no longer feel like loving your husband, or even develop feelings of hatred, it may be worth considering that you once did. And since you once did, it may be helpful to identify the reason why you no longer feel that way.

It is worth noting that resentment between spouses can manifest in two main ways.

(1) The two people have reached a point where they are no longer able to connect on an emotional level.

Many couples used to love each other, but they find themselves in a situation where they are constantly arguing and clashing with each other in their marriage. Their love is gradually consumed until it is irreconcilable, and they are only just holding on. They have already made up their minds to divorce, but they have not taken that step yet because of various practical factors.

This kind of hatred suggests that the relationship may have reached a point where it is no longer sustainable. If this is the case, it might be helpful to consider the option of moving on and starting anew. It's possible that both parties have become exhausted from the constant tension and that continuing in this way is not beneficial for anyone.

(2) Despite the presence of negative feelings, the relationship persists.

It might seem a little unusual, but it's actually quite common for couples to find it challenging to get along. Even if they used to love each other a great deal, if they're unable to find a way to coexist harmoniously, they may find themselves experiencing frequent conflicts and friction, which can ultimately lead to the breakdown of their expectations.

This kind of dislike may be a result of exhaustion or a sense of confusion and helplessness, particularly when it comes to improving the relationship or finding a way to end the painful state of life. In such cases, dislike can also be a form of psychological escape. Rather than focusing on how to dislike one's husband, it might be more constructive to examine the ways in which the two of you interact with each other.

When this occurs, it suggests that there may be an issue between the two individuals, yet there is still a level of affection, and it is not to the extent of divorce. It depends on the specific issue at hand and whether it can be resolved. Finding solutions is essential. Believe in yourself!

Xiao Wan's response was as follows:

1. [Consider all factors] The decision to divorce or to continue the marriage is a binary one. If one chooses to divorce, the process is relatively simple: one simply leaves. Conversely, if one decides to continue the marriage, one must work hard at it. Given that a decision has yet to be made, insomnia and bad moods are likely to result.

One may take a sheet of paper and list the disadvantages of both options, then combine them and compare them. This process allows one to identify the option with the fewest disadvantages.

2. [Do not neglect your initial motivations]. As you previously stated, your husband is not as kind to you as your former romantic partner, and there is a considerable amount of negative history between you. Therefore, it is important to understand why you initially chose to marry him. Your former romantic partner treated you well, so it is essential to determine why you ultimately ended the relationship.

Your initial decision to marry him was a conscious choice. It is a universal human tendency to select those individuals who align with our preferences. He must possess the admirable qualities you have identified.

In such instances, it is beneficial to reflect on the initial motivations behind the choice in question and the ways in which the individual in question has changed over time. This process of introspection can prove invaluable in understanding the underlying dynamics of the relationship.

3. [Self-esteem] You previously indicated that you experience a sense of imbalance when you offer more than the other person, yet you continue to provide significant assistance and subsequently experience distress. When one's attention is directed primarily towards another individual, it can result in a lack of self-care.

When one cares excessively about another individual, the latter is unlikely to reciprocate that care. This underscores the significance of self-esteem. To be a dignified person, one must refrain from offering assistance too frequently or too readily, unless the other person explicitly requests it.

It would seem that there were a significant number of registered divorce cases in Shanghai in July. It is possible that many people had been saving up their energy and patience for months, and finally felt ready to proceed with the divorce when the ban was lifted in July. It is worth noting that there is actually a divorce cooling-off period, which means that even if you and your husband propose a divorce now,

It is important to note that a divorce is not something that can be initiated immediately. There may be a cooling-off period of approximately a month, during which you can attempt to reconcile and determine whether a divorce is truly the best option. Historically, divorce was viewed with a great deal of shame, but even decades ago, many individuals opted for it.

It is also worth noting that the financial implications of divorce appear to be becoming increasingly affordable, while the financial costs associated with marriage are rising. A shared life entails numerous economic considerations, and some individuals may be reluctant to see a marriage end, as this could potentially lead to a reduction in spending power.

It is worth noting that the financial support a couple can provide for a child has changed significantly in recent times. In cases where both parents are able to contribute to their child's upbringing, the financial implications may be even more pronounced. It is understandable that if one parent is solely responsible for raising a child, there might be a tendency to be more cautious with spending. However, it is important to ensure that your financial decisions are not solely driven by necessity, but also by your values and priorities. From an economic perspective, many individuals may not necessarily recommend divorce as a solution. It is crucial to carefully consider the long-term implications of your decision and to ensure that your financial choices align with your personal goals and values.

From a personal perspective, divorce can be a beneficial choice. It offers the opportunity to live a more independent and fulfilling life, free from the influence of others. You can chart your own path and raise your children according to your values and preferences. Your children have the potential to become outstanding individuals, regardless of whether they come from an intact family.

It's also possible that you've reached a point where you're considering a divorce because you feel a sense of resentment towards your husband and believe that the relationship has reached a point of no return. It's understandable that you're experiencing feelings of anxiety, insomnia, and depression, especially when it seems like your husband isn't contributing as much as you'd hoped. It's also important to recognize that you've invested a great deal of time and energy into the relationship, and it's natural to feel frustrated when it seems like your partner is not reciprocating those efforts. It's also crucial to acknowledge that your husband has a history that may have contributed to his current behavior. It's not uncommon for individuals with a troubled past to engage in certain patterns of behavior that can be challenging to navigate.

It might be helpful to consider that he is getting too close to some of his other colleagues, which could potentially lead to some challenges. If you were to sever your relationship with him, it might relieve you of some concerns about his actions and allow you to focus on your own happiness. It's possible that the other person's life could affect you in various ways.

It is also possible that you may be concerned about how your parents will react or whether you will face pressure in the future. Whatever your gender, it is important to be financially independent. Only if you feel you are ready and able will you be less concerned about the potential consequences of divorce. You may wish to consider a cooling-off period, during which you and your partner can have an open and honest conversation about making changes. It is also a good idea to make some plans to ensure that your financial foundation can support your divorce.

It would be advisable to make a detailed plan and consult a divorce lawyer. I wish you the best of luck!

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Hello,

You're suffering because you hate your husband. You want a divorce but worry about hurting your kids. You feel your life is unfair. Is that right?

How were your anxiety and depression before?

How has understanding your husband's dark history affected your depression and anxiety?

What is the impact?

First, think about whether you're struggling with marital issues.

Or are you having emotional problems?

You may need to talk to a lawyer about how to get the most out of your marriage.

If you want help, the counselor will talk with you about your marriage. What happened between you that led to this?

To deal with anxiety and depression, you may need to assess the severity of the symptoms.

How do your personality traits affect anxiety and depression?

How does your husband affect your symptoms?

If you don't want a divorce but want to feel better, think about how your marriage has affected your relationship with your husband.

Stop hating marriage.

Explain how fixing your marriage can help with your anxiety and depression.

The above analysis is for reference only due to the limited information.

I'm counselor Yao. I'm here to support you!

Hello, young lady. I can see you're confused, so I'm giving you a hug!

You're going through some marital issues. Let me give you another warm hug.

You may hate your husband now, but you don't want a divorce, mainly because you're worried your parents will be concerned and think you're struggling on your own.

However, your parents want you to be happy.

If you're not happy, they won't be happy either.

You mentioned that you and your husband have a child together, but that shouldn't be a reason to stay married.

Take some time to think about it. Have you been happy in your marriage to your husband for so many years?

If you're mostly unhappy, there's really no need to continue living with your husband.

Of course, you also need to think about some more practical things.

For instance, are you currently employed? How old are your kids?

If you're employed, who typically handles the kids?

You might also want to talk to a lawyer who specializes in matrimonial law. If you and your husband are planning to divorce, you'll need to figure out how to divide your assets (what's shared and what's not), custody of the children, your living expenses, and alimony, etc.

Don't rush into a divorce just yet. Take some time to work through your emotions first.

If you think it would help, I also suggest that you seek help from a professional counselor, preferably one who specializes in marriage.

A counselor can offer a third-party perspective, a non-judgmental outlook, and an objective attitude. They can also provide more pertinent, useful, and constructive advice.

I really hope you can find a good solution to the problem you're facing soon.

That's all I have to say for now.

I hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the girl. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and wish you the best!

Hello, questioner. From your description, I can see that you are experiencing a great deal of pain, struggle, and disappointment in your current life, which has led to feelings of anxiety and a poor quality of life. There are external and internal factors at play.

Let's consider some external factors. Your marriage, your husband's past and present state towards you, and other circumstances have led you to doubt the marriage, and there seems to be a lack of expectations and happiness. You have tried to communicate with this external factor, but it hasn't yielded the desired results.

Perhaps we could put this to one side for the time being. After all, it can be challenging to change and demand things of others. If the happiness and joy you want to achieve is based on the sacrifice of others, it may be even more difficult to achieve. So we must be realistic about this.

You may wish to consider that this vision can be realised at a later stage.

Perhaps it would be helpful to focus on the part you can control, the child. The child is the hinge between the two of you, so there is obviously an interest in not divorcing, even though you have fought many times. If you don't divorce, how do you continue?

It would be beneficial to consider the needs of the children. Now that you have become a family unit, you are talking about the child's original family system. It might be helpful to think about how to provide the child with a more supportive environment in which to grow up.

It seems that your husband may not fully value the relationship with you, and that he doesn't respond as much as you would like. As a mother, you and your husband both have an important role to play in supporting your child. You might consider using this as a starting point for communication with your husband. Working together towards a common goal could be beneficial for the whole family.

It might be helpful to communicate more with your husband in this area, discussing the situation rationally for the sake of your children. You could even consider making a request or suggestion in this regard.

This is how a family's motivation can positively influence everyone's lives and encourage them to strive for a better future.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why we feel dissatisfied and complain. Is it because our ex-partner did a better job than our husband, or because we gave more than he did? It seems that these emotions may have originated from ourselves.

Perhaps we should consider that our own thoughts and emotions may also play a role in our experiences of anxiety and depression.

It might be helpful to consider that the ex-boyfriend may have been the warmest relationship, but it is important to remember that it was the current husband who got married and had children. This kind of comparison might not be entirely accurate and could cause unnecessary worry.

Perhaps it would be helpful to reflect on your reasons for marrying your husband in the first place. If you are not divorced and do not intend to divorce,

It might be helpful to focus on your marriage with your husband. You may feel that your husband is not contributing as much as you are, which could be a source of dissatisfaction for you.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider giving it more. What might the outcome be?

Perhaps it would be beneficial to treat yourself in the same way you would expect your husband to treat you. It might be helpful to give yourself a little of the sincerity and love you give to others.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to stop here and allow ourselves to feel loved enough.

You may wish to consider achieving the look you want, wearing beautiful clothes, making a few good friends, and enjoying good food. Anything that will make you happy is worth giving yourself.

In terms of the issue of insomnia, it may be helpful to consider that when you start paying attention to yourself and start doing things that make you happy, your mood may become more relaxed and you may find that you are less troubled by so many worries. You might like to try going for a walk, taking a stroll, or even taking a walk for yourself wholeheartedly. It's also important to remember to love yourself, love your children, and protect the family system of your children.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you have as much energy to devote to thinking about how other people treat you as you once did. It's important to remember that everyone is an independent individual, and that you are also an independent being within this family system.

You have your own thoughts and work, and you are also loving yourself at the same time, which is wonderful.

I hope you will consider moving, loving yourself, and finding inner peace and tranquility soon. You may find it helpful to trust that time will settle everything.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to wait for the time. And don't miss the beautiful self in the present.

I hope you will accept my love for you and the world. I am Jingyi.

Hello there!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're going through a lot. It's clear that you're feeling a lot of divorce-and-suffer-from-anxiety-and-insomnia-19603.html" target="_blank">anxiety, insomnia, depression, confusion, hesitation, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I'm not going to get into all the nitty-gritty of the problems you've had because, well, you hate your husband and want a divorce. But I'll give you three pieces of advice to think about:

First, I think it would really help you to take a good look at why you hate your husband and want a divorce, but haven't divorced.

This is the heart of the matter, my dear.

You mentioned several reasons in your description: one is that you are afraid that your parents will worry about you living alone after the divorce, and the other is the issue of your child. So, are there any other reasons? For example, are you still hoping that he will change, so that you won't have to get a divorce? And are you not courageous enough? You may also be worried about living alone, or about the negative impact of public opinion on you after the divorce. In short, you need to figure out the reasons why you want a divorce but haven't gotten one yet.

I really believe that only by identifying the reasons can you find a solution.

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take some time to think about the reasons you've found.

A rational perspective is a great way to understand yourself and reality better.

To help you see things more clearly, I've got three tips for you:

First, remember that you have so many wonderful qualities and that you have the time and energy to keep on improving and becoming even more amazing!

I really hope you can see your own abilities and learn to view yourself with a developmental perspective. You'll be amazed at how you can discover that you alone are capable of living a good life!

Take a moment to think about whether it's easier to stay in a marriage that's not right for you or to start living your own life. When you've thought about the pros and cons, you'll be able to make the best choice for you.

Secondly, it's so important to remember that a family atmosphere without love can still be really harmful for a child's development.

You mentioned that you have a child together, and you may be worried that a divorce will hurt the child. It's a tough situation, isn't it? I can imagine that it would be really hard for the child to live a good life if they had to face parents who don't love each other and fight all the time every day.

I know it can be scary thinking about getting divorced. You might be worried that if you do, your kids won't be awarded to you or that it'll be too expensive to raise them. If it's the first thing on your mind, I want you to know that even if they don't live with you, as long as you love them from the bottom of your heart, they'll still feel your love. And if it's the second thing on your mind, I want you to know that you can do this! You can earn more money to provide for yourself and give your kids better living conditions. You've got this!

Third, remember that you have the power to change the status quo because you can change.

Once you've taken the initiative and put in the work, you'll find that your worries about your parents' worries about you can be eased through open and honest communication. And your worries about what others think will also melt away as you gain a deeper understanding of your own worth and the fact that your marriage is your own, and that you don't need to care so much about what others think. Of course, if you still have expectations of him, you can also change yourself first to drive his change. In short, you must know that you yourself are the key to solving the problem.

I really think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to feel better.

For instance, if you haven't divorced because you still have hopes for your marriage, you can try to communicate with him again. Tell him how you really feel and encourage him to change. If he doesn't change and you still can't live together happily, you'll have to accept the situation. When you don't have any expectations of him, you'll feel better because you won't be hurt anymore.

If you've decided that you don't have any expectations of him anymore, then you can focus on yourself, live your life well, work hard, save more money, and not only will your parents stop worrying, but you can also relieve the pressure inside you. Of course, saving money is also a process, and you can start now.

You can also take a calm and collected look at your child's challenges and remind yourself that even if you do separate, as long as you give your child all the love and care they need, they'll grow up happy and healthy.

When you stop expecting him to change and you feel relatively at peace, you can still live your life as you did when you were living alone, reading books and exercising. This will also help relieve your insomnia and build up your courage to deal with the divorce. You've got this!

You can also try living your life as if you were divorced. Even though you're not divorced yet, you can live as if you were, taking care of yourself and managing your expenses on your own. Why not experience living alone first and then see what happens? I think you'll probably find that you're better off after leaving him because he's not willing to change. You've already given up on him, so you'll probably be brave enough to get a divorce and get out of your current situation.

You can also have a good chat with your parents about your true feelings. They'll be sad, but they'll be there for you. They don't want you to stay in a loveless marriage, because that would be even more painful. Besides, confiding in them will itself be beneficial for relieving your negative emotions, because the flow of various negative emotions has a healing effect; and so on. In short, you need to know that you can do something to improve the situation.

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally be slowly resolved. Believe me, action is sometimes the best medicine!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one conversation.

Hello. I'm Yi Ya Shu, a heart exploration coach. I understand your feelings of living with a partner you no longer love.

It must be sad and difficult.

You don't love him, but you feel disgust, disdain, and resentment. Your relationship has had many cracks over the years, making you dissatisfied with married life.

You haven't been able to make a final decision for various reasons. This distasteful relationship drains you.

To resolve this, you can either stay or leave.

If you want to stay, you need to repair your relationship.

For example, you've given him more, but he's given you less.

Deal with the past. He used to say hurtful things about you in front of others.

If you want to leave, you need to think about child custody, living alone, and your parents' opinions about your divorce and living alone.

You can't choose because you don't have the energy.

Treat this as a chance to grow. It shows you lack security and your old patterns affect relationships.

These patterns are opportunities for self-change. If we don't complete them, we'll still seem passive and powerless when we encounter emotional problems and life troubles in the future. We'll be unable to accept them and have no strength to break the situation. We can only suffer and endure passively.

If you focus on learning and understanding yourself, your situation can change.

You will go from resenting the world and your husband to seeking ways to improve your life.

You need someone to help and guide you emotionally. Find this person.

It's important to find people you can turn to for support. This could be a counselor, a friend, or a community. Asking questions on this platform can help you find the right support.

When you find a system that supports you, you can deal with your emotions and gain inner growth. This will help you find answers.

We can solve our problems ourselves.

The key is to find strength within.