What's the point of envying others, according to my girlfriend, when it comes to a heartache in a relationship?

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to help!

You are now experiencing some relationship problems. But don't worry! I'm here to help. I give you a warm hug again.

I totally get it! Love is all about being selfish and unique, and that's a wonderful thing!

You are now very confused because you cannot understand why your girlfriend is still in contact with that guy from another school who goes to the same university as you.

You asked your girlfriend to delete the guy, but then many days later, lo and behold, you found her chat history with him again! This made you feel very uncomfortable.

If I were you, I would definitely mind too!

I think the questioner should definitely find an opportunity to talk to their girlfriend about it properly, ask her why she is still in contact with the boy she calls Bao, and try to communicate with their girlfriend calmly, without arguing with her.

Then, tell her—in the kindest way possible—that you want her to focus on you and her relationship with you. You don't want her to have any more dealings with the boy she used to call her precious.

And the best part is, your girlfriend will respect your wishes!

Maybe your girlfriend thinks you're her ex-boyfriend because you never said anything. It doesn't matter to you, though!

Your girlfriend is not a mind reader, so don't be afraid to tell her what you want and need!

It's so simple! Just make it clear that you're in a relationship and you can avoid a lot of unnecessary misunderstandings and trouble in the future.

If you are still confused, I also suggest that you seek help from the university's resident psychological counselor. The best part is that her services are free of charge!

There's a fantastic student discount of half price for consulting on the platform! All you have to do is fill in a form and submit a school certificate as a current student, and you can apply.

I really, truly hope that you can resolve your problem soon!

That's all I can think of for now!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the answer, and I study hard every day!

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

First of all, it seems that you may lack a certain level of self-confidence in love or in relationships. Looking at your content carefully, it appears that the interactions between your girlfriend and other men were mentioned before you became a couple, not after, so there is no immediate cause for concern.

While it is a sign of your care and attention to your girlfriend, it is not advisable to bring up this matter frequently or even say that you want to check your girlfriend's phone. This could come across as rude and overly intrusive.

Secondly, some men are accustomed to flirting with women, which can be a way to pursue romantic interests. However, it seems that your girlfriend still has a sense of self-respect and has not engaged in any excessive or unclear contact with them. Of course, some people are in the single stage and may not have the same level of awareness as others.

Third, I would gently suggest that you focus on yourself, think more positively, and find ways to deepen your relationship, cultivate a foundation of experience, get to know and understand each other deeply, and enjoy the fun of love. Perhaps it would be beneficial to avoid worrying about other things from the start. A sweet love between two people should not have such suspicions and visits at the beginning.

I hope you find this advice helpful.

I hope we can keep in touch. You can find me on my personal public account: A pretentious young man (ID: qingnianJIA2020).

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact us at Yixinli Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, the World and I Love You. You can find more information at https://m.xinli001.com/qa.

Hello, question asker! After reading your description, two words come to mind: boundaries!

You're both sophomores and experiencing the most romantic thing in college, which is absolutely amazing!

Wow, it sounds like things are heating up between your girlfriend and Lao Yang! She even replied with emoticons despite him calling her "baby." And she even told him, "You're so good to me!"

From these few words, it's clear that the girlfriend first of all recognizes Lao Yang's kindness towards her, and secondly, she absolutely loves Lao Yang as a person!

First of all, this is what you see outwardly. Why did your girlfriend say to Lao Yang, "You are so good to me!"? It's clear that what your girlfriend wants in her heart is something you may not have given her yet. What could it be?

And the best part is, you get to find the answer yourself! For example, you could give her recognition for her efforts, emotional support, or even material gifts.

❤️Secondly, look within. Ask yourself: What are the qualities of your girlfriend that you like?

In the love triangle theory, love is likened to a triangle, with the three ends consisting of the three major elements of intimacy, passion, and commitment. Isn't it fascinating how the word love can look so different in the eyes of different people? It really makes you think about how we can find true love when we understand what love truly is.

Then, look at the influence on each other. Everyone will change, and people in a romantic relationship will change even more because of each other. It can be said that a person who finds a different lover will become a different person—and a better person!

The possibilities are endless! They could become more complete, or they could become more serious. Either way, you have the power to make them more complete. And who knows? They might even grow better!

These are the abilities that influence and enable the other person to grow—and they're absolutely amazing!

The five love skills form a complete system, and they're all you need to succeed!

Let's dive into the first level of love: meeting our own needs!

Now for the second level of love: "self-righteous" giving!

And now for the third level of love: meeting the other person's needs!

True love is all about doing things for the other person based on their needs. It's about meeting their needs, being attentive to what they need and want, and then fulfilling those needs. And it doesn't have to be expensive! It can deeply impress the other person and make them feel deeply loved.

And finally, take a look at what kind of a model the other person's original family is! In the original family, there are two sets of relationships that have the greatest impact on our ability to develop and manage intimate relationships:

First, let's dive into our relationship with our parents!

And then there's the relationship between the parents!

After reading an analysis like mine, you'll have all the answers! I wish you all the best!

If my reply is helpful, I'd love for you to follow me! I'm so grateful for our encounter!

From the text, it can be inferred that the questioner cares about his girlfriend and is concerned about whether she reciprocates his feelings. He also appears to be seeking reassurance that she is the ideal partner for him.

In the initial ten-day period of our relationship, I discovered that my girlfriend had formed a connection with a fellow student from a different educational institution who was of a similar age. Through our interactions, I learned that he had referred to her as "baby" and made suggestive remarks such as "Old Yang loves you" and "take you in at my place."

In the initial year of my college education, I referred to her as my wife.

Furthermore, I discovered a previous communication between my girlfriend.

I was engaged in conversation with an individual at my place of employment. We discussed our respective daily lives. He referred to my girlfriend as "baby," and she reciprocated by calling him "bao." My girlfriend sent him a selfie.

Despite my girlfriend deleting the individual in question at my request, I subsequently discovered evidence of her misdeeds. This occurred despite the incident having taken place in September of last year and the cessation of communication between us. Furthermore, my girlfriend asserted that the term "Bao" was merely an endearment and that she had no affinity for the two individuals in question. Nevertheless, I am unable to move on from this discovery.

"I want to know what my girlfriend's behavior is considered to be, and how I define her behavior." What is the questioner's understanding of how his girlfriend's behavior is perceived? How would he like to define it?

It is inevitable that there will be a multitude of perspectives and interpretations. However, what is of paramount importance is the subjective experience of the individual in question. While the situation may appear to be about external parties, it is, in essence, an internal phenomenon.

"How do I reconcile with myself?" The questioner can reflect on the associations and emotions that the girlfriend's "past actions" have evoked. Are these associations and emotions relatively objective?

I am sincerely convinced that my reply will be of some help to you. Best wishes!

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and understand your confusion.

The poster has also shown he is confused and asked for help. This will help him understand himself and his girlfriend better and make changes that will benefit your relationship.

Next, I'll share my thoughts from the post. They might help the original poster see things differently.

What kind of person is this?

From the post, I can see that the poster feels uncomfortable. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive. My girlfriend said that Bao is just a term of endearment. After reading the content here, I would like to ask the poster what your question is. What kind of person is this person you mentioned?

What do you think "treasure" and "baby" mean? The psychologist Zhang Defen said, "There is no one else outside of us, only ourselves."

Often, what we think is just our own opinion, and the other person is not necessarily who we think they are.

The girlfriend thinks Bao is just a term of endearment, and she has not done anything wrong. The poster needs to explore why they are uncomfortable.

What ideas and beliefs have made me like this? Use the relationship to understand yourself better.

Knowing yourself helps you deal with your problems.

2. In a relationship, we need to let go of fantasies to see the real person.

The post reminded me of the male and female protagonists in the movie "Lost in Thailand." The male protagonist brought a table lamp that he had fixed himself because he thought his wife liked it.

The woman didn't like the lamp. She said the man didn't understand her.

The man in the story has a rational image of what a wife should be like. So why do they behave that way? It's because we all play the projection game in relationships.

Projection is when we think someone is like us.

The truth is, what we think may not be the real you. We need to let go of our fantasies to see the real you.

This can help us understand each other better. We can get closer to each other and our relationship will become stronger.

3. Find a good time to talk.

Why communicate? There are differences in the thinking of men and women.

Men and women think differently.

Let's try to find a good time to talk.

Express your feelings or look at these words from a man's perspective, and then ask your girlfriend to interpret these words from a woman's perspective. This will help you understand each other better.

Pay attention to your emotions and communication style when communicating. If you're interested, try the communication templates in "Nonviolent Communication."

I hope these help and inspire you. If you have questions, you can also find a coach for one-on-one communication. Let's work through this together and understand ourselves more.

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

From what I can gather from the questioner's confessions and troubles, it seems that both the questioner and his girlfriend are sophomore students. It seems that more than ten days after the relationship was confirmed, the questioner discovered his girlfriend's chat history with a male student from the same grade at another school. This was due to the likes and comments that had been exchanged. The interaction between the other person and the girlfriend seems to be quite intimate. Normally, if you are of the opposite sex and are just friends, there is a limit to the joking, and it doesn't make others feel that the relationship is ambiguous at first glance.

After some time, the questioner discovered that his girlfriend had been chatting with a man at work. The man had been calling the questioner's girlfriend "baby," but she had been calling him "treasure." Based on the way they addressed each other, it seemed that there was more to their relationship than just a casual connection. Even if they were just good friends of the opposite sex, they would not typically use such affectionate terms of address.

From my observation, it seems that my girlfriend's interactions with other members of the opposite sex may be somewhat ambiguous. However, she has indicated that she has never had a positive feeling towards these two individuals. From a woman's perspective, if someone is open to chatting with members of the opposite sex and maintaining an ambiguous relationship, it could suggest that they are interested in developing a relationship with that person and may be considering them as a potential partner.

I would like to gain a better understanding of what my girlfriend's behavior is perceived to be. How might I define her behavior? How can I reconcile these perceptions with my own?

1. Perhaps it would be helpful to get to know your girlfriend better.

From their conversations, the questioner learned that his girlfriend had previously engaged in discussions with two individuals of the opposite sex. However, after they began a relationship, these conversations ceased. When they were not together, they were both single, which may have contributed to the development of a relationship with the person she had a crush on.

It seems there may be a reason for the girlfriend's interactions with these two people. From an interaction point of view, it may not be love at first sight, but it seems there may be a good impression. If there is no good impression, it's understandable that a person would not want to waste their time chatting with someone. From an interaction point of view, the topics of conversation seem to be a little deeper than those of ordinary friends, such as calling and posting selfies, etc. However, they have not yet confirmed their relationship, so it can only be considered an ambiguous relationship for now.

It might be helpful for the questioner to get to know his girlfriend better to see if she is someone worth continuing to invest in. Everyone has a past, and it can be beneficial to focus on the present rather than dwelling on the past.

2. It might be helpful to be aware of your own behavior.

From what I can gather, it seems that the questioner found out that his girlfriend was chatting with other people of the opposite sex by looking at her phone. This could suggest that the questioner doesn't quite trust his girlfriend. It might be helpful to try to understand her by checking her phone. Perhaps the questioner could clarify whether he asked his girlfriend when he took her phone, or whether he saw it without her knowing?

I'm not sure how many girlfriends the OP has had, nor do I know how many people the OP has checked their phones. However, it's worth noting that checking someone's phone can be seen as an act of distrust. When coupled with the fact that the OP found two members of the opposite sex on his girlfriend's phone, it's understandable that your mind might start to doubt, and you might find it increasingly difficult to control yourself from checking her phone for a hint.

In addition to distrusting his girlfriend, he also seems to lack confidence in himself. It's as if he's constantly worried that he might be replaced at any moment by someone more attractive. When his girlfriend isn't around, he tends to have these fleeting thoughts about who she's with and what she's doing.

3. Consider ways to build self-confidence.

It's important to remember that we all need to be confident, whether it's your girlfriend or anyone else. Only when someone is confident enough can they change some of their behaviors for the better. From what the questioner has described, it seems that their behavior may have been influenced by some information they saw on their girlfriend's phone.

I wasn't present when the question was posed, so I'm not in a position to comment on the specifics of the situation. However, I would gently suggest that it might be unhelpful to doubt the relationship because of her past. If doubts arise in the heart, they will continue to affect the relationship.

In addition to spending time together, it would be beneficial to focus on building self-confidence and making the most of your strengths, such as playing basketball, singing, dancing, etc. It is also important to maintain your hobbies. When a person is self-disciplined, it naturally leads to confidence. Moderate exercise produces dopamine, which can help with this process. A happy mood can also help us look at things differently, which can lead to new solutions.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you the best.

Hello!

You understand your girlfriend's behavior. Her friend calls her "baby," and she calls him "bao." They stopped talking a long time ago, but you feel uncomfortable. Are you being overly sensitive, or is there something else going on? Your girlfriend says "bao" is just a term of endearment. You want to know how to define her actions and reconcile with yourself.

To help you sort things out:

1. You lack security and confidence in this relationship. You're unsure of your girlfriend's feelings for you. You mind when she calls another person "precious." Her actions are a projection of your own insecurities.

2. Many people of the opposite sex call each other this way nowadays. It's awkward to call each other by names, and it's too intimate to call each other by anything else. So they choose this way of calling each other, which is not embarrassing. Many people also call each other "honey" or "sweetheart." At most, it just shows that your girlfriend is closer to her friends of the opposite sex than to you, but it doesn't mean that you're not boyfriend and girlfriend.

3. Believe your girlfriend, communicate with her, understand each other, and make your relationship strong by having a positive attitude.

4. If you lack confidence, work on boosting it. Do things you enjoy and let your girlfriend see you becoming more confident. You have to find your own security. This is the only way to become strong, solve problems easily, and feel good about yourself.

5. Communicate well and effectively. This is the best way to handle your relationship and solve your problem. If you're bothered by your girlfriend's actions, tell her. If she cares about you, she'll consider your feelings. Don't make her suspect you without reason. This is hurtful.

I hope this helps. Love,

Take a fresh look at your relationship.

Your three values are not compatible. I'm not here to judge whether your girlfriend's behavior is right or wrong. The fact is, people think it's normal for someone to call her a baby. She accepts it and even likes it.

You can't get past this hurdle in your heart. Not many men can get past this hurdle either. It's human nature. How can you allow someone else to snore on your side of the bed?

My feeling is that you two are not meant to be together. One of you thinks the relationship is not in place, and the other believes you are not a good match. You value this relationship, but you cannot control other people. She does not care about you as much as you think she does, at least not yet.

You were together for a short time, and you don't know everything about each other. The "baby" incident happened before you got together, so it has nothing to do with you. You don't need to make things difficult for yourself.

If the girl changes because of you and only treats you as her precious baby from now on, your worries and dissatisfaction will disappear. If she continues to be someone else's precious baby in the future, you're not suitable for each other. Stop the loss now.

You must understand what it means to reconcile with yourself.

It's not your fault. You have nothing to reconcile with yourself.

Reconciliation with oneself means accepting the facts, moving on, and gaining insight. It means being able to put problems like these behind you.

Let me be clear: if you've been cheated on or hacked, there's no way you can reconcile with yourself.

You must stop loss quickly and get out quickly. But you have to reflect on why you meet people like this.

You've got this!