When it comes to marriage, should you choose someone for their material wealth, appearance, or character?

Hello!

Your first love was handsome, and you broke up with him because of your actions. You've been determined to find someone handsome ever since. After many failures, you discovered that most handsome guys are scumbags.

You found it's better to find someone a little uglier and divorced, but it still ends badly. You don't know what to choose.

Let's talk about why you always meet scumbags.

You want to find someone very handsome. Why? You know the reason. It's because your first love was handsome. This is a common psychological phenomenon. So the people you fall in love with again are all very handsome. And these very handsome people are scum.

Most handsome guys are scum because they can easily get women to fall for them.

Think about it. People don't cherish things they can easily obtain. When I was a child, I drew a picture and threw it away. But there was one I spent two weeks on, and I kept it hidden. Once, my brother got angry and tore it up. I cried for days.

Good-looking men are more likely to attract the attention of the opposite sex. They're not overly concerned about losing you because they know there will be many other beautiful women. They've learned to calmly start the next relationship.

You look for ugly men. Ugly men are not easy to win over, but they are more dedicated. This seems reasonable, but it didn't work. Good-looking men can be bad, but ugly men can be good.

You've fallen into the trap of physical appearance. You think a man's appearance equals his character. This is not a good way to find a good partner.

Many nice men can't find a wife. They chat with potential partners online, transfer their savings, and find out the person is a scammer. When you want to find a good man, you find scumbags.

How do you find a good man?

It depends on how you define a good man. You may have thought a good-looking man from a good family was a good man, but you eventually discover that none of the others are what you want. Unfortunately, your first love has long since broken up. You know you can't just look for someone who is good-looking.

If you think it's more important to find someone good, I suggest you start with someone with a good character and not so much experience in relationships.

How do you know if someone is good? Get to know them. Don't rush into a relationship. Start by making friends. As your friendship grows, you'll learn if they have good values, care about family and friends, and are reliable.

Make sure you can rely on someone before you get too serious.

If you confirm a relationship too easily, the other person will think you are easy to get and lack appreciation. Just as I said earlier about paintings, those that are casually drawn are thrown away, while those that are carefully created are treasured.

When a guy works hard to get you, you'll value his love.

These are just my experiences and opinions. They don't represent the truth. I spent a long time chasing a girl. She finally agreed to go out with me. Later, she found someone better and richer who flirted with her. She broke up with me to go out with him. I invested a lot of time and energy in this relationship. I felt heartbroken.

The one who invested more will suffer more after the breakup.

Good day, landlord. I reviewed your description and empathize with your emotions. When presented with a choice, we are conflicted. We all desire the optimal outcome, but what we truly need is what aligns with our needs. As the adage goes, only the feet know if the shoes fit.

Individuals who are genuinely concerned about the wellbeing of others may be willing to "pretend" for the duration of their lives.

Those who are willing to feign identity for the sake of a significant other likely possess a certain degree of emotional flexibility. They tend to view love as a positive force and are more open to second chances.

It is essential to recognize that every decision we make is influenced by our emotional state. Individuals who are prone to giving up or causing harm to others are not necessarily impulsive, but rather, they have determined that the relationship in question was not a significant priority.

Every choice represents a certain balance, and opting to disrupt this equilibrium often results in a disruption of the overall balance.

Therefore, the individual who elects to "pretend" and "turn a blind eye" in an emotional situation must be the one who desires to maintain a more enduring and stable relationship.

It is important to note that as adults, we do not have the authority to reverse someone else's choices or actions. Our ability to influence outcomes is limited to controlling our own state of mind.

Furthermore, those who are willing to sacrifice themselves to maintain a facade over an extended period of time are driven by a deep concern for this emotion.

They may do this for the benefit of those they care about, but they are also influenced by the opinions and judgments of the wider world. They may even be responsible for making decisions that affect others, even if they do not want to be involved in certain aspects themselves.

It would appear that there is a tendency in human nature to act in a self-serving and selfish manner. However, when weighed against the pain of losing someone, this seems to be an acceptable trade-off.

In emotional situations, it is more common for individuals to break free from the limitations they have imposed on themselves than to resolve the underlying emotional issues.

We all have limitations, and these limitations can be classified as either vision-related or ability-related. Those who have too many principles, who are too easy to forgive others, who cannot sincerely appreciate the good in others, and who desire perfection may also be very harsh on themselves.

It is important to recognize that we all have different mentalities, and that these differences can have a significant impact on our interactions and outcomes.

It is important to remember that the individual who is willing to "pretend" for the sake of their significant other may be able to tolerate flaws when confronted with conflict.

Hello, young lady!

It's simple: you can find a thousand in gold, but true love is hard to find! After reading your question, I feel sympathy for your romantic experiences and applaud your courage to reflect seriously and expose yourself.

You have identified the key reasons for your unsuccessful love life as follows:

1. Appearance control and excessive obsession with appearance.

2. You set the bar too high and unconsciously compared him to your first love.

You made up your mind, broke your own principles, and accepted an ordinary man with slight flaws, only to find that things still didn't turn out as you hoped.

You must decide what to prioritize when it comes to material wealth, appearance, and character.

I firmly believe that material wealth, appearance, and character are not mutually exclusive. They are three independent characteristics that have no strong causal relationship. At most, these three can be considered a multiple-choice question, not a single-choice question.

Families with material advantages can provide more comprehensive educational resources and life security, which is not a bad thing for personal growth. The ancients also said, "Appearance comes from the heart." People with high appearances may also have more noble and kind personalities.

I am convinced that the root cause of my unfortunate love life is

1. He has bad company.

2. Bad management.

Let me be clear: meeting the wrong person is a mistake.

First of all, I can say with confidence that "face control" is not an issue. Everyone loves beauty, and choosing a life partner is a big decision.

However, people with good looks often give us a very good first impression, making us unconsciously raise our evaluation of other aspects of their character. This is the "halo effect" in psychology, which affects our objective and true evaluation of them.

People who are "face-obsessed" must sharpen their eyes and carefully observe their partners' habits and behavioral details when selecting a partner. A person's personality is often reflected in these details.

For example:

I want to know how he treats people who are in a lower position than him.

He must also demonstrate an ability to handle differing opinions and criticism.

He must also demonstrate how he handles conflicts and disagreements between lovers.

I want to know what his usual interests are.

I'd like to know how he gets along with his parents.

I want to know his spending philosophy.

7. He will take out his anger on you because of his own problems.

...

Character is more relevant than appearance.

The way you meet someone is also very important.

If you meet Ta at the library, he's probably a bookworm. If you meet him at a cafe, he's likely a carefree romantic. If you meet him at a nightclub bar, he's probably a womanizer. And if you meet him while traveling outdoors, he's likely a person who loves life.

Poor management is the issue here.

You said that you separated from your first love because you were young and ignorant. You were spoiled and became morbid and awful. Many years have passed, and I believe you have grown and improved a lot. You treat relationships with special care and attention and behave less impulsively and willfully. However, your perception of some relationship issues may remain the same. We know that personality traits are stable. You will look at the other person with a critical rather than appreciative eye.

Furthermore, your description is problematic. Your first love was excellent, and no matter what, your appearance, family background, or attitude towards you was impeccable.

If you hold a measuring stick in your heart when getting along with others, you will easily overlook their individual aspects and fail to appreciate their strengths. You will unconsciously focus on their inadequacies.

This will inevitably lead to a decline in satisfaction with Ta and a fading of the freshness and sweetness of love.

The secret to maintaining an intimate relationship is simple: appreciate your partner and express gratitude. Persevere in doing these two things, and your relationship will thrive.

I'm going to share this with you.

Have a nice life.

Hello, I hope my answer is helpful to you in some way.

I want to be clear that there's no inherent connection between being handsome and being scum. It's not that simple. If we want to find a handsome and reliable partner, we have to adjust our thinking and believe that we can find it, rather than doubting ourselves.

In Greek mythology, there was a Cypriot king named Pygmalion, who was also a sculptor. He wasn't interested in mortal women, so he sculpted a statue of a young girl based on his ideal image and his magical memory. He poured all his passion, love, and energy into the young girl, and then the statue came to life. He married the young girl and achieved his ideal love.

This is one of the ten major psychological effects, called the Pygmalion effect.

This is one of the ten major effects in psychology – the Pygmalion effect.

The "Pygmalion effect," also known as the "expectancy effect," basically says that you'll get what you expect. What you get isn't necessarily what you want, but rather what you expect. The key is to expect with confidence and really believe that things will

The "Pygmalion effect," also known as the "expectancy effect," basically says that you'll get what you expect. What you get isn't necessarily what you want, but what you expect. As long as you expect with confidence and really believe that things will go smoothly, they will. On the other hand, if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, these obstacles will arise.

This is because there's a belief in your subconscious mind that you're not good and you can't find a reliable, handsome man. It's surprising that you're attracted to unreliable men who are, let's face it, scumbags. The first thing you need to do is adjust your beliefs.

This is because there's a belief in your subconscious mind that you're not good and you can't find a handsome and reliable man. It's surprising that you're attracted to unreliable men who are, let's face it, scumbags. The first thing you need to do is adjust your beliefs and believe that you can meet the other half you want. Don't doubt it, believe it. You will encounter a miracle.

From what you've said, it seems like you don't have a very high opinion of yourself. And it's probably because we tend to have a relatively low opinion of ourselves that we end up choosing partners like you did. So why do we have a relatively low opinion of ourselves?

From a psychological standpoint, the period between the ages of 3 or 4 and 13 or 14 is when we start to form our social selves. During this time, we learn about ourselves based on how others see us. If we are constantly told we don't look good or have a bad personality by our parents, teachers, or others during this period, we will start to believe it and become particularly prone to self-doubt when we grow up.

We can't blame our parents or teachers, though. They're only human, and everyone has their limitations. They've formed their standards and cognitive systems based on their own life experiences, living environment, and educational background. So they use these standards to measure and educate you. They may think that pointing out your shortcomings and inadequacies is beneficial to you and will promote your growth, but they don't know that it will make you develop a self-denying mindset.

The past is the past, and we can't change it. We can only adjust our attitude towards it. When you know it's not your fault, and your parents are just trying to give you the best education they can, you have to accept it. Accept that our parents are just like that—they're not perfect, but we can't change them. We can change ourselves. There are ways to improve our self-worth, which is also the foundation for meeting a more compatible other half in the future.

How exactly do we do that?

We all have to keep at it to accept ourselves.

First, we need to get into the habit of accepting ourselves.

Accepting your own character, accepting your own imperfections, and accepting your own experiences means recognizing your own shortcomings and inadequacies, as well as your own strengths and values. The first step to improving your sense of self-worth and making your heart stronger is to accept yourself.

Accepting your own character, your own imperfections, and your own experiences means recognizing your own shortcomings and inadequacies as well as your own strengths and values. The first step towards increasing your sense of self-worth and making your heart stronger is to accept yourself.

But accepting yourself is tough. You have to keep at it. When your heart keeps on resounding with voices that negate yourself, you keep on practicing acceptance. You need to see that you have shortcomings, but also many strengths. You have a lot of value. You can make the most of your strengths and live well with your shortcomings and these imperfect parts of your life.

It's also important to recognize your own strengths and value yourself, and to give yourself positive mental cues.

We need to affirm ourselves and support ourselves if we want to feel more worthy. When we lack something inside, we look for it outside, but everything outside is unstable and beyond our control. We can only control ourselves, that is, our own actions and thoughts.

When we need external recognition, it just shows that we don't have enough self-recognition. So we need to practice recognizing and encouraging ourselves. When we recognize and support ourselves enough, we won't care so much about the recognition and evaluation of others. And when you recognize and accept yourself enough, others will also increasingly recognize and believe in you, because you will exude your own charm and confidence, which will attract those who recognize and believe in you.

So, you are the source of everything. Change yourself, and you will change your world.

Ultimately, we need to build up our self-confidence and sense of security, and keep developing our abilities and knowledge.

Ultimately, we need to develop self-confidence and a sense of security, while continuously enhancing our abilities and knowledge.

Confidence comes from strength and hard work. When we become the person we want to be through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

Confidence comes from strength and hard work. When we become the person we want to be through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

You can set yourself attainable goals and then achieve them one step at a time. By consistently reaching your goals, you'll notice your abilities improving, your knowledge growing, and your experience broadening. You'll feel more secure, have a stronger sense of control over your life, and naturally become more confident.

The right goal is one that's just challenging enough. If it's too easy, you'll lose interest and motivation. If it's too hard, you'll feel overwhelmed and lack confidence. A medium-intensity goal is the best one for keeping us motivated. When we work hard to achieve these goals, we'll feel a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.

For instance, if you're currently walking 4,000 steps per day,

For instance, if you're currently walking 4,000 steps per day, aim for 4,500-5,000 steps a day. You can go as high as 10,000 steps a day if you want, but don't go below 4,000.

When you set goals that are right for you, the most important thing is to stick with them and take action. Only action can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

When you set goals that are right for you, the most important thing is to stick with them and take action. Only through action can you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

When you accept yourself, build up your inner self-confidence and sense of security, you'll be able to love yourself and be loved in return. You'll also meet someone who's worthy of your love and trust. This might take a while, and many people have spent years on it.

When you accept yourself and build up inner self-confidence and security, you'll be able to love yourself and be loved in return. You'll also meet someone who's worthy of your love and trust. This might take a while, and many people have spent years, even decades, before they can stop negative thoughts in their heads. But when they accept themselves and love themselves, they find that every relationship they're in is long-lasting and deep.

Take your time. As long as you're willing to get to know yourself again, to change and to develop the ability to love yourself and be loved, you'll be able to love an imperfect but authentic and complete self. And you'll believe that that same imperfect but dependable person who sees only you will eventually appear by your side.

Take your time. As long as you're willing to get to know yourself again, change, and learn to love yourself and be loved, one day you'll be able to love that imperfect but true and complete self. And you'll believe that that same imperfect but reliable person who sees only you will eventually appear by your side...

Just a heads-up: This is for your reference. Best regards!

Hello, my name is June, and I'm here to help!

It's so sad that all of your relationships have ended in failure. You think this is because you're a face-obsessed person, and that good-looking men are more likely to be scum. So you ended up choosing an ugly man. The questioner's experience is very sympathetic, so I'll give you a hug first.

My first love was absolutely perfect in every way. He had a great family background and he was just so lovely to me. He was definitely the best person for me so far, but I was young and a bit ignorant at the time. I guess I had a tendency towards domestic violence. He spoiled me and I became a bit morbid and terrible.

In your description, you mentioned that your first love was good to you at the time, but because you were young, you were spoiled by him. I'm really curious to know how old you were at the time!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm wondering why there seems to be a tendency towards violence when he's around.

It's so common for relationships to be a reflection of what goes on in our families. I'm wondering if the questioner also tends to lose their cool and lose control of their emotions in family situations?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. What need is behind your emotional outburst? It's totally normal to have a crush on good-looking people. It just shows that you're still getting to know yourself and your preferences. It's okay if you're not confident in long-term relationships yet. We all have to find our way.

There are a few different possibilities that we can think of.

1. It seems like there might be some challenges in the parents' relationship. It's possible that your mom might feel like she should have married someone better than your dad, maybe someone who is more handsome or more outstanding.

2. You don't get much praise or encouragement, and the compliments your friends and family give you are mostly about your appearance. It's totally normal to value appearance more when you don't get much praise for your inner qualities!

3. Your family could be a bit warmer, and it seems like you've learned to get what you need by "acting up." It's not easy to express your emotions properly, is it? And it's totally normal to feel like the more you like someone, the more you don't want to lose them. It's just a natural reaction to feel negative emotions when you're afraid of losing something you love.

I really feel that these points might be the reason why you're struggling to maintain close relationships. When you let go of your obsession and stop being a control freak, you find a man who is ugly and has been in prison. Could this be a manifestation of internalized emotional aggression behind the black-and-white values?

I really think the questioner should look for a counselor to help them figure out what's going on. It'd be great for them to have a clearer idea of what they want so they don't keep making the same mistakes. Everyone deserves to be treated well and loved!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

It's hard to give advice on choosing a spouse in just 400 words. I hope we can chat and I can help you see more possibilities.

What does marriage mean to you?

Think about what marriage means to you and what your ideal marriage looks like. When you know what you want and what you need, you'll know who you're looking for.

There is no absolute answer to the criteria you mentioned. They are not mutually exclusive. It is a matter of whether they meet your needs.

A long-term relationship can heal your soul.

Your other relationships didn't last more than two months. You have trouble entering and maintaining a stable relationship. You start a relationship quickly, then end it quickly.

You said you didn't hurt anyone and took each relationship seriously. So, you might have felt hurt. To heal this, you need a stable, long-term relationship.

Recognize your patterns.

You know you've had bad experiences with good-looking men. They treat relationships lightly and don't take them seriously. Your mother said your ex-boyfriends were "good-looking scumbags." So why do you want to be with this kind of man?

You said you finally let go of your obsession with appearance and accepted a man who is nine years older than you, has a criminal record, has been divorced before, and has children. This man is still one who "doesn't take relationships seriously." See a counselor. You can break the cycle.

I hope the original poster finds a good partner!

I found that "scum" has nothing to do with appearance. I lowered my standards, and the people I met were still like this. I felt that after failing at my first love, I was paying off my debt. I also found that there was something wrong with the channels I knew. I don't like socializing, don't have a circle of friends, and don't like going out, so I met them all on the social networking app "Tantan". None of them were good. Later, I met my ex-husband on a recruitment app. This was the man I gave the most to, and also the man who hurt me the most. I thought I had finally met my true love, and my retribution was over. I found out that it was all fake. I was mentally abused by him, humiliated, suppressed, and tortured in various ways, and we still got divorced.

I'm 28 and I still believe I deserve a man who is good-looking, wealthy and has a good personality. I don't want the best, just a man who scores 70 out of 100 in all three areas. People say I have high standards, but when I meet someone, I feel that I deserve him. Recently, a 28-year-old man who is wealthy but doesn't meet my standards in terms of appearance has been courting me. He wants to get to know me for three months before starting a relationship with the goal of marriage. He offers me 23,000 yuan a month for spending money and only wants my company. But I keep hesitating. I don't think I should choose a man just because of his money when I can't even bring myself to marry him. I should get a job and earn 5,600 yuan, at least I'll be independent and can slowly choose the kind of man I want. But when I think about all the people I've met, I feel that no matter how good-looking or compatible they are, they may be false appearances. It's hard for me to believe that I'll meet a good man again. I think that men are all the same. No matter who you're with, it's

I'm torn between two men. I don't know if I'll ever meet a man who has all three characteristics. Do I have to choose between two or three?

Hello. I am a heart exploration coach. Everything is easy. You want to know who to marry: material wealth, appearance, or character. I have carefully read your story. You are 24 years old and still young, and you have been in many relationships. In each relationship, you met a playboy who was not serious about the relationship, whether he was handsome or not, and finally this one who was not handsome. You want to know why you can't find a man who is serious about the relationship. I will answer your questions.

First, identify your most important needs in a relationship. For instance, you previously prioritized appearances, seeking only handsome men, which satisfied your most important need. However, you ended the relationship because you didn't take it seriously. Later, you lowered your standards for appearance and material things. In your current relationship, what is your most important need? You want to find someone who takes the relationship seriously. What does it mean to take the relationship seriously? Write down the specific criteria one by one and find someone who meets those criteria.

Second, it is crucial to determine whether the questioner can maintain the relationship when they meet someone who takes it seriously.

It's clear from your question that your relationships have all lasted less than a year. The best one for you was your first love. You said that at the time you had a pathological tendency towards domestic violence. You hurt your first love, which means you hurt the person who treated you best. The reason was that he spoiled you. You can look back on this relationship and see how you handled the longest and most satisfying relationship you had. If you could go back in time, with your current ability to maintain a relationship, you would keep that relationship.

Love is a skill that must be learned.

A mature self comes first, and then comes a mature relationship.

A beautiful intimate relationship is a two-way street. Both people must meet each other's needs for the relationship to last.

The questioner can learn from books about intimate relationships such as Intimate Relationships, Managing Intimate Relationships, Why Love Hurts, and Why Family Hurts. Alternatively, they can seek help from a professional counselor.

3. Compulsive repetition in relationships

In psychoanalysis, compulsive repetition is simply defined as the experience of consistent hurt and abandonment in every relationship, regardless of the other person's appearance. If this is the case, why do you keep getting hurt in relationships?

Every relationship has the same outcome as long as the pattern of interaction remains the same. You may try to get a different outcome in every relationship, but the same bad outcome will always result from the same pattern of interaction.

This mode of getting along and cognition is formed from the earliest relationship between the questioner and the important caregiver.

You may feel insecure in every relationship and need to prove yourself in some way. If the other person cannot accept these ways, you will feel unloved and that the other person is a liar and not serious about the relationship.

The original poster did not specify the specific mode of getting along in each relationship, but it is clear that the direction of a relationship is related to personal qualities, characteristics, level of personal development, and the ability to maintain the relationship.

A person who loves themselves will love others and will also receive love from others.

If you want to communicate with me further, click below to find a coach to interpret and communicate with me one-on-one. Good luck.

Good day. You have experienced some challenges in your romantic life.

You have identified that your first love has had a significant impact on you and consistently used it as a benchmark when selecting a romantic partner. However, you have encountered individuals who are not committed to relationships, which has led to considerable uncertainty. I can appreciate your sentiments.

Identify and address the issues you are facing.

Your first love occupies the most significant position in your romantic history. You have described him as having had an excellent appearance, family background, and treatment of you. However, the relationship did not last. From this description, it is evident that you recognize and miss your first love very much.

You stated that because the starting point was too high, when you met your first love, you felt that everyone you met later had to be on the same level as him and could not be lower than him. This is a common mindset.

The individuals you encountered subsequently were all indiscriminate in their relationships and lacked commitment, which contrasts starkly with the positive qualities you ascribed to your initial partner.

Please clarify what you are clinging to that is no less than the standard of your first love. Is it only the appearance?

When reflecting on the positive aspects of your initial romantic relationship, do you consider the aspects you value most? When making decisions about future romantic partners, have you considered the standards you apply in comparison to your initial relationship?

It is essential to identify the root of the problem.

You have indicated that appearance is a significant factor in your decision-making process. It is likely that this trait has been present since before you met your first love.

Your first romantic interest was a highly attractive individual who also possessed a number of other admirable qualities. He was, in fact, the ideal partner for you, which made this relationship seem ideal in every way. After experiencing your first love, you may have come to believe that physical attractiveness is a reliable indicator of overall perfection.

In any relationship, whether romantic or marital, the factors that contribute to long-term satisfaction and compatibility are numerous. These include personality, values, abilities, and the way partners interact with each other. If your initial romantic interest was solely based on physical appearance, it is unlikely that it would have left a lasting impression.

Appearance is a superficial criterion that has little bearing on an individual's character. When an individual places undue emphasis on appearance and uses it as the primary criterion when seeking a romantic partner, it suggests that their understanding of relationships remains superficial.

The law of attraction dictates that the type of person one encounters is a reflection of one's own thoughts and ideas. Our criteria for selecting a partner are the boundaries we establish for ourselves, which facilitate the inclusion of suitable individuals while preventing the involvement with unsuitable ones.

If your understanding of relationships is limited to appearance, and if appearance is a determining factor for you, then it is indeed very easy for a good-looking individual with questionable character to appear in front of you. It is because your criteria do not require a person of good character.

Please consider the potential for change.

When you raise your relationship issues here, I can sense your desire for change. If you want to meet someone different in future relationships, you need to make some adjustments first.

It is important to consider what type of relationship you truly desire. If you do not wish to engage with individuals who exhibit unscrupulous behavior, it is essential to define what characteristics you find appealing in a potential partner.

This process of critical thinking allows you to establish clear boundaries for yourself. Once you have done so, you will be able to decline the advances of individuals who do not meet your standards.

You can expand your knowledge base by reading books or attending lectures. There is a common saying that if you invest in your personal growth, you will attract opportunities.

Individuals who are able to grow through learning, demonstrate confidence and self-reliance, and feel in control of their own lives tend to possess a certain level of charm that is attractive to outstanding members of the opposite sex.

You may wish to discuss this with some older, trusted relatives and friends, and benefit from their wisdom and experience to enhance your ability to judge people. You can draw on the ideas of others and refer to them more, while also maintaining your own opinions to avoid many detours.

Additionally, professional assistance in the form of psychological counseling may be beneficial. A counselor can assist in gaining insight into one's inner thoughts, identifying the underlying causes of these thoughts, and facilitating personal growth.

My name is Teng Ying, a psychological counselor at Yixinli. I hope this information is helpful to you.