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Where did the problem lie when a friend transitioned from having similar interests to a complete farewell?

friendship romantic feelings compatibility anxiety depression
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Where did the problem lie when a friend transitioned from having similar interests to a complete farewell? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

Lately, I made a friend due to shared interests, and they complimented me on our compatibility, which made me like them. After some time together, I confessed my feelings, but they refused, hoping to remain friends. I said I would take it slow, but I couldn't let go of my feelings while being friends. After a while, I couldn't help but reveal my affection, asking if it was okay to openly like them. They agreed but gradually grew distant and stopped replying. A few days later, they told me they thought I had moved on but hadn't, so they hoped this would help me let go. I apologized for bothering them, noting they were excellent and I couldn't suddenly let go of the feelings. I also hoped not to disturb them, so I tried to avoid it, but I was very anxious during this time. I found myself unable to stop caring, so I told them about my anxiety and apologized for the method not being suitable for me. The more I tried not to think about it, the more I cared. They said it was okay to express my thoughts, so I shared many of them. Afterward, I felt better and suggested we talk when they felt like it. Despite this, I was still concerned, and tried to control myself from disturbing them. After a month and a half, I couldn't hold back anymore and realized this issue was causing me to be unable to function, so I told them I couldn't stop liking or caring. We mutually deleted each other, and after that, they removed their Douyin account and even deleted all the content they had posted (which I had liked). I was well aware that I was disliked and would not disturb them anymore. I have anxiety and depression issues, which I am aware of and have discussed with them. I confessed my feelings at the same time as my concerns because I knew about this issue and didn't want to disturb them. I wasn't sure if revealing my thoughts was wrong, as I had hoped we could express our feelings and resolve the issue, but they didn't want to. She described herself as cold and selfish, but she also worried that saying too much would make me overthink, so she just stopped replying. I wasn't sure what the problem was and didn't want to have such issues again in the future.

Yvonne Yvonne A total of 497 people have been helped

Hello, questioner. I can see the confusion you are facing right now, so I'm going to help you.

I need to know if this friend you mentioned is a friend of the opposite sex.

It's likely that you two got together at the beginning because of your shared interests.

The other person rejects your confession but says they can still be friends.

You keep bothering them because you haven't truly let go of the other person.

The other person will find you annoying.

When you feel like you're being annoying, you'll want to delete yourself. You'll end up completely cutting off your friendship.

In the future, if the other person says they don't like it, accept it. Don't disturb the other person.

When we feel insecure, we tend to cling to the other person.

You need to expand your social circle more often.

You won't devote all your energy and time to a relationship if you have your own friends.

I am confident that you will find a solution to your problem soon.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I study hard every day.

You're loved here at Yixinli. Best wishes!

I am confident that you will find the answer you are looking for.

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Eliza Kennedy Eliza Kennedy A total of 8717 people have been helped

Good day. I am pleased to be able to respond to your queries and provide solutions to your issues. I hope that my responses will bring you positive outcomes and a sense of reassurance.

It is evident that you hold a high level of regard for this individual and have developed a sense of mutual affection. However, despite your positive sentiments, it seems that the other party is not interested in pursuing a more intimate relationship. They appear to be content with maintaining the current friendship. It is not uncommon to encounter individuals who are not ready or willing to accept a more serious commitment. If you miss this opportunity, it is uncertain whether you will encounter another like this in the future. I empathize with your current situation.

However, this incident provides an opportunity to learn three key lessons: understanding your own business, other people's business, and God's business. Your own perspective, observations, and ability to let go are your own business; whether others accept you or not is other people's business; and who you can be with in this life depends on fate, which is God's business. It is essential to learn to "obey" God's business, learn to "respect" other people's business, and do your best with your own business.

There is a saying that love is not straightforward. It is likely that she has rejected your proposal after careful consideration. It is important to remember that everyone's experiences are unique. Have you ever tried to understand her life experiences? Different family backgrounds, life experiences, and educational backgrounds are bound to lead to different worldviews and behaviors. It is not an easy task to get along with each other.

It is possible that what you consider to be a perfect match may not even be of interest to her. In such a case, it would be advisable to learn to "stop loss in time."

I hope this information is helpful to you.

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Cicely Cicely A total of 2097 people have been helped

Greetings. I am Jokerev. I would first like to acknowledge your admirable honesty and courage in this experience, which is commendable.

In the context of emotional relationships, it is important to recognise that each individual has their own unique rhythm and set of feelings. It is not uncommon for the emotions of two people to be out of sync with one another, and this does not necessarily reflect negatively on either party. Your feelings for her are genuine and profound, and although she appreciates your friendship, she is unable to reciprocate on a deeper emotional level. This does not negate your personal charm or value.

You have disclosed your inner anxiety and depression, and expressed hope that the two of you can communicate openly and honestly. This is a healthy attitude. However, there is often no absolute right or wrong in relationships, and individuals handle emotions in different ways. She has chosen to help you let go in a detached manner. Although this is not the way you expected, it is the decision she can make at the moment.

She stated that she was cold and selfish and expressed concern that excessive communication would prompt you to reflect more deeply, which suggests that she is attempting to circumvent causing you distress, even though this approach may evoke feelings of discomfort and anguish.

Given the deletion of each other's contact information, it appears that she requires a period of solitude to facilitate emotional and psychological adjustment. This also affords you the opportunity to pursue self-healing and achieve personal equilibrium. It is unfortunate to experience feelings of being unwanted, but it is crucial to recognize that this is not a reflection of any personal shortcomings on your part. Rather, it is a consequence of an inability to navigate the complexities of the present situation in a mutually satisfactory manner.

In the future, you may benefit from learning how to better understand others while also learning to take care of your emotional health. It is recommended that you seek further help and treatment from a professional psychological counselor for your own anxiety and depression problems.

Prior to loving others, it is imperative to cultivate self-love, maintain one's integrity, and uphold one's independence. Only through these actions can one navigate the future of their relationship with greater stability and resilience.

One should not deny one's value in relationships due to a single setback. Each individual possesses distinctive charm, and it is inevitable that one will encounter an individual who is capable of appreciating them. During this period, it is essential to allow oneself sufficient time to recuperate, accept, and release these complex emotions. Even in the most challenging circumstances, one will discover the capacity to overcome adversity and embrace life anew.

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Rebecca Rebecca A total of 3230 people have been helped

From your description, it's clear you got to know each other well because you had similar interests and you got along quite well.

You developed a favorable impression of her and confessed your feelings because you had a good time together and she appreciated it.

The other person rejected you. There are several reasons why, such as feeling that it's not the right time, that the timing isn't right, or that the other person already has a boyfriend.

The other person rejected you, but they didn't close the door on your relationship. They're willing to keep things friendly, and they might still be interested in you as a friend.

You said you'd slowly let go.

To be frank, this is a perfectly normal progression of events in a friendship.

The fact that the other person continues to maintain a friendship with you indicates that they are giving you a chance. There is still a possibility that you two could become lovers.

You should have maintained the friendship while slowly influencing and affecting the other person through your patience and sincerity to arouse her liking for you.

Your performance was obviously disappointing and too hasty. You lacked patience and basic methods or skills.

Your repeated attempts to express your feelings, apologize, and explain have undoubtedly worn down the other person's patience and damaged the relationship.

You will naturally delete each other from your contacts next.

You haven't been in a serious relationship, so you won't have the same emotional pain as if you'd been "broken up with".

You are unable to extricate yourself because you lack experience and have certain personality traits, including character.

Your relentless pursuit has driven the other person to the brink of madness. Her subsequent outbursts, declaring indifference and so on, are nothing but a desperate attempt to halt your relentless pursuit.

You need to stop. Stop making futile efforts and internal conflicts.

You need to calm down, think, reflect, and learn from this experience.

You don't know her, and she's not right for you.

Your eagerness to enter into an intimate relationship with the other person is largely due to your lack of experience and personality traits.

In a few years, you'll look back on this and shake your head, laughing at your own ignorance.

You can get out of this state of pain and anxiety. Redirect your energy to life, work, and study.

Believe that time is a good medicine. It has an unobtrusive power that will gradually make you forget the pain you feel at the moment.

These setbacks, disappointments, losses, and pains are what make life grow and mature.

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Marigold Johnson Marigold Johnson A total of 8872 people have been helped

It's important to understand that not everything is empty.

First of all, I get it. I know this is a tough time for you. Emotions can run high in situations like this. In this case, I suggest that you

It's time to face the facts.

It's tough, but you have to accept that she's rejected you and that the relationship is over. Even though you still like her, staying in this situation will only make you more anxious and upset.

It's time to accept the reality and move on from this person to start a new chapter in your life.

It'd be a good idea to seek support.

You said you have anxiety and depression issues, so it'd be a good idea to look into some professional psychological help. You can check out a psychologist or take relevant psychology courses.

You might also want to find some relatives or friends you can talk to. They can help you work through your feelings and confusion, and support you in finding a way forward.

Take some time to reflect on yourself:

Take a look at what you did and how you acted in this situation. Think about whether you did anything wrong or over the top. In future, you can pay more attention to what you say and do, respect other people's views and feelings, and avoid causing unnecessary upset.

Find a new direction.

It's time to move on from the past and take a fresh look at your life and goals. You can discover new hobbies and interests, meet new people, and explore new paths in life.

If you want to move on from the past, you have to look to the future.

Above all, stay optimistic and positive, believe in yourself and your abilities, and face challenges with courage. I hope you recover quickly and find happiness again!

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Comments

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Laura Nelson Learning is a dialogue of ideas that shapes our world.

I understand your feelings and it's really tough when someone you care about doesn't feel the same way. It's important to respect their decision but also take care of your own emotions. Sometimes, stepping back is necessary for both parties.

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Harold Thomas Growth is a process of learning to turn our fears into fuel for growth.

It sounds like a very painful experience. When someone we like doesn't reciprocate our feelings, it can be heartbreaking. I hope you're able to find support from friends or family during this time to help you through.

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Chase Miller The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.

The situation must have been incredibly challenging for you, especially with your anxiety and depression. It's good that you were open about these issues; communication is key even if it didn't lead to the outcome you hoped for.

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Electra Jackson Learning is a melody that plays in the heart of the seeker.

Reflecting on what happened can be helpful but try not to be too hard on yourself. People react differently in relationships and sometimes there isn't a clear reason why things don't work out. Focus on healing and growing stronger from this.

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Marvin Davis A lie told often enough becomes the truth.

Your friend's decision to distance themselves might have been their way of protecting both of you. It's never easy when someone chooses to withdraw, but it could mean they felt unable to manage the situation any other way. Take time to heal at your own pace.

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