Why am I always emotionally unstable? Why do I want to cry when I argue?

Hello! I am so grateful for your understanding and for meeting you!

I really hope my answer can help you!

You are in the second year of junior high school and will soon face the local college entrance exam. You are under a lot of pressure, but you are still persevering with your studies. I admire your courageous and proactive learning spirit! You are also able to recognize that the pressure of studying has brought you bad emotions, and you are actively saving yourself. Keep up the great work!

Give him a little credit!

And don't forget to give him a warm hug!

I have some suggestions that I'm really excited to share with you!

First of all, find a great way to relieve the pressure of studying. The pressure in the second year of junior high school is very great, but you're doing great at continuing to study hard under these circumstances! You also need to find a way to relax, such as listening to music, reading a book, or exercising. Being under pressure all the time will make people nervous, but you're doing great at handling it!

You can also communicate with your parents and express the pressure you are under and hope to get their help!

Second: Your father is not good at expressing himself. From your description, he speaks in an unacceptable manner and enters your room at any time to check on your study progress. You cannot change the way your father does things, and you need to be tolerant of him. But here's the good news: his starting point is still that he hopes you can study hard. It's just that he doesn't trust you enough and his way of expressing himself is unacceptable to you.

This is actually an emotional reaction to the stress and anxiety you feel, which is totally normal!

Third: From your words, I can feel the sense of urgency and anxiety about your studies. If you continue like this, it will not be conducive to your studies. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

You can find a counselor to provide psychological counseling. With the right support, you can absolutely cope with the huge pressure of studying now and in the future!

I'm rooting for you! The world and I love you!

Hello, child! I really hope my answer can help you out!

I can sense that you are troubled, but I also sense that you have the power to change your situation! You have high expectations of your father and want your own independent space. It seems that he doesn't understand you, which makes you feel helpless and a little worried. But I know you can do it!

I've got some great suggestions for you!

Embrace your dad for who he is! We can't change other people, but we can sure try!

The book A Change of Heart says there are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. This means we have the power to control our own lives! It's time to stop worrying about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven and focus on our own lives.

What other people think and do is their business, and we cannot control it. Dad is an independent individual, and what he thinks and feels is influenced by his genes, upbringing, education, living environment, etc. So, he is just the way he is, and if he doesn't want to change himself, there is nothing we can do to change him. But that's okay! We can focus on changing ourselves. We can try to accept him and try to express our needs and feelings to him. When you truly accept him, you will not feel disgusted by many of his behaviors, but will be calm, because the real him is just like this. He is not the way you want him to be. He has his limitations, but he loves you. It's just that he loves you in a way that is different from what you expect.

The good news is that although we cannot change him, we can change ourselves! We can try to accept him and try to express our needs and feelings to him.

When you truly accept him, you'll be amazed at how calm you feel! He's not the way you want him to be, but he loves you. He has his limitations, but he loves you in a way that is different from what you expect.

2. Get ready to express your feelings and needs through non-violent communication!

Let's dive into the steps of non-violent communication! We'll start by stating the objective facts, then move on to expressing our feelings, needs, and finally, requesting the other person's actions.

You can say to your father: "Dad, today... When... you scolded me for... or you entered my room without knocking... (state the objective facts, being careful not to accuse or judge), I felt very uncomfortable, a little aggrieved, and also a little angry (express your true feelings). I am now grown up, and I hope that you can respect some of my decisions, and let me make some decisions on my own. I need your support, understanding and trust (express your needs). In the future, I would love it if you could stop communicating with me by scolding, but instead tell me what your needs are; or can you knock on the door before entering my room every time; or let me use the mobile phone freely, and let's negotiate some rules (ask the other person to take action).

Once you understand each other's needs and feelings in this way, something amazing happens. Your emotional connection deepens, and you gain a deeper understanding and knowledge of each other.

3. Let it all out! Release those emotions in a way that feels right for you.

Do you feel like you have a lot of emotions inside, but don't know how to deal with them? Don't suppress yourself! Instead, release your emotions regularly. There are so many ways to do this!

1. Make sure you socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries and confusion. It's so important to have friends who can give you support and encouragement and who you feel comfortable with!

2. Get moving! Exercise is a great way to relax your body and mind. Try a new sport you've always wanted to try out or go for a run — whatever gets you excited!

3. Writing therapy is a great way to get all those inner feelings and thoughts out of your head and onto paper! Don't worry about whether your handwriting is neat or whether what you're writing makes sense. Just go ahead and express yourself!

4. Punch a pillow or a sandbag to release your anger by hitting a soft object!

5. Try the amazing empty chair technique to release your emotions! In a room, place an empty chair, and imagine the person you want to confide in is sitting in it. You can express yourself to the chair, and it's totally okay to let out your anger or frustration.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, questioner!

• I am sunny. Reading the topic brought up by the questioner, I feel that my emotions are always unstable. Whenever we have a fight, I want to cry. I want to know if this emotional outburst of wanting to cry during a fight only happens during fights with my father.

Let's be real: most Chinese parents have the "control disease" and treat their children as their "property." They want to control their children with their parental authority at all times, thinking smugly that they are doing what is best for their children. But they're actually hijacking their children's own thoughts. (For example, the father sometimes demands that the question asker be obedient in his studies in the name of providing a computer...)

• The author is acutely aware that he is currently in junior high school, a pivotal period for developing self-awareness and learning to be independent. It is unfortunate that he has had to contend with his father's "authoritarian control" at this time!

Fortunately, the questioner has self-awareness and has come here for help, which means there are ways to change your fate. Let's discuss it together.

Let's first sort out the specific situation described by the questioner and analyze it.

My relationship with my father has always been bad. I want to be able to use my phone freely, and I'm not saying I don't want to be bound by their rules. He always says, "I only provide you with money for your studies. Whatever you want to do, if you want to play, just give me back the computer. I earned this money, and I can give it to you if I want to." He just sits around the house all day, doing nothing. Occasionally, he goes to teach a few kids' classes, and makes 400 yuan a week. But he controls me every day. Now that I'm taking online classes, I have to use the computer. The online classes are very stressful. This afternoon, because of the serious epidemic situation here, I was told to go down for a nucleic acid test. At that time, I was still in class, so I had to go downstairs. When I came back, the class was over. I have to take online classes after school. I'm so tired. I'm a sophomore in high school. I know I have to study hard.

I don't want to enter society too early, but everything is a reason for me to stop moving forward. I study very hard. It takes me a long time to write, and I progress quickly in class. After class, I often have to copy my notes. The pressure is really great, but I'm up to the challenge.

From the questioner's account, it is clear that there are several aspects.

1. The father is "very laid-back" and unable to set a good example. However, he has a strong desire to control the questioner and pays extra attention to the questioner's studies.

2. The father thinks he knows best and will suddenly burst in, reminding/ordering you not to play computer games, etc.?

3. The questioner feels fear and helplessness when facing his father's "verbal/behavioral control." This may manifest as repressed emotions. When unable to release them, does he want to cry whenever they are triggered?

4. The questioner has strong thoughts and reflections on her studies. It's likely that the father is not aware of these thoughts. You should seize the opportunity to have a frank exchange with your father and tell him that you have considered your studies, in the hope of winning his trust. This is undoubtedly the first step to improving the relationship between father and daughter.

5. "There are no bad parents, only disobedient children." This is the "mainstream unconsciousness" of most parents. Parents simply need to learn to become "qualified parents."

In view of the specific situation of the questioner, we will deal with it in this way:

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First, recognize and accept the limitations of the parents themselves, and recognize the limitations of the father's self-awareness and immature/controlling behavior.

1. The questioner has likely been a "good child" since childhood and has been "controlled" by his parents his whole life. His parents treat him as if he were a child, based on their own life experience, which they believe to be the wisest. Such parents are unaware that they have a problem, and this is the limitation of parents.

2. The book "Parents Who Won't Grow Up" powerfully illustrates how parents were also treated the same way by their own parents when they became adults. They are simply unaware that people are independent individuals, and they fail to recognize that the questioner is currently in a critical period where they want to be in control of themselves.

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Second, you must learn to become independent and establish the necessary psychological boundaries with your father.

1. The questioner has experienced inner pain and dissatisfaction due to his father's control. He is currently unable to confront his father because his father will threaten to take away the computer he uses for schoolwork. This has led to a lot of suppressed anger. From a psychological perspective, when we feel pain, the one who suffers the pain will change. The questioner himself must learn to change.

2. First, follow your inner feelings. When the questioner realizes that they no longer want to be controlled by their father, and when they have emotions, they must take responsibility for their own life. They must be independently responsible for their own life. From now on, they must put their own needs first.

3. Your father can control you and temporarily disagree with your requests, but you decide whether or not to accept them. Don't let him control you and go your own way. Perhaps you are not financially independent at the moment, but you will be one day.

You must distinguish between the things of God, the things of your parents, and your own affairs. Of these three things, only your own affairs are within your control.

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Third, express your feelings and attitudes honestly. Choose to be your true self at the right time. Learn to slowly become aware of your emotions and gradually learn to manage them. Take responsibility for your own growth. Learn to be true to yourself. You will learn to grow.

1. When there are frequent conflicts with your father over academic issues, you must learn to bravely express your true feelings. Even if you are not yet able to leave your parents for the time being, you can and should have your own firm attitude and expression regarding the choices in your life.

2. Express your true thoughts and feelings in a way that is consistent with Nonviolent Communication. If you're unsure how to communicate effectively with your parents, this book is a great resource. Be confident in expressing your true feelings, thoughts, decisions, and expectations of your parents. The more often you express yourself, the more your father will see your attitude, and he may lose control.

3. Always reflect on yourself and choose the appropriate way to deal with your father. When your parents try to control you, remind yourself:

My needs are just as important as my parents' needs.

I have the right to make my own free choices without feeling guilty.

(3) My father can make requests of me, but he cannot threaten me.

(4) We are not the property of our parents nor their servants.

(5) They can judge, control, or blame me all they want, but I have the choice to take responsibility for my own life.

4. When you feel like you've reached a dead end, find a teacher, school, or platform psychologist you like and talk things over. Figure out what's holding you back and find a way to grow up as soon as possible.

The above is my answer to the question asked by the questioner. It will undoubtedly bring positive and helpful inspiration and help to the questioner. The questioner will surely take responsibility for their own life and grow independently, becoming a free person who gradually takes control of their own destiny!

I am in control of my life.

I am a person of one heart, sunshine, the world, and I love you.

Dear friend,

Hello.

Your father doesn't trust you. He checks up on you because he doubts you're studying.

Your father's behavior makes you feel bad because it interrupts your learning, distracts you, and makes you angry and helpless. These feelings affect your learning. Learning is hard. You are suffering under this pressure, and I understand how you feel.

As children enter adolescence, they start to have their own opinions and make their own decisions. They also want their own space. However, parents may not be able to adapt to these changes. They may still provide a lot of care and guidance, which will control the child's sense of space and autonomy. This is a lack of boundaries within the family.

As they grow older, children will win their parents' trust. Parents will feel relieved to let their children take on more responsibilities. They will change their views and treat their children as independent adults.

Your problem is getting worse. At this age, there will be more arguments between you and your child. But I believe that everyone has the strength to break free and thrive.

Best wishes!

It seems that there are already problems in your family relationship. Perhaps it is because your parents do not respect you. You just want to use the phone freely, and I'm sure you'll find a way to do that! The other party has not looked at what you actually like to do, and has completely ignored your needs. But you know what? That's OK!

All kinds of bullying and having the last word are very upsetting, but you can overcome them! Your father idling around at home every day is a state of affairs that can easily make him focus all his energy on you, but you can use this to your advantage. You not only have to go to class, but also work hard at various things and copy notes. You have a lot to do, but you can do it!

It's tough to go through so many complicated trials at such a young age. But you've got this! You need to understand that your current freedom may have been restricted by your father. The current state of affairs is already very offensive, but your father's excessive desire for control is still quite suffocating.

The other party's tendency to check in is actually a sign of their desire to connect. If a child is not trusted by their parents, it's a clear indication that there's room for growth and positive change. It's possible that a lot of control has already taken root in his heart, and it seems that you, as a junior, have the opportunity to learn and grow from it.

I highly recommend that you maintain a calm state of mind and talk to the school's psychological counselor, or talk to a platform heart exploration coach or psychological listener about your recent thoughts. This matter is about your future growth path, and you still have a long time in the future to run! You can also read family-related books to gain strength and face your current suffering and become stronger. I wish you well!

ZQ?