Why do I never feel the love in long-distance relationships?

Hi, thanks for the question. It seems like you're having trouble with intimacy and have mixed feelings about it.

The person asking the question has been with her boyfriend for three years after graduation. She wants to break up with him but is torn because she doesn't think he's that bad. At least he takes good care of her, so she doesn't want to break up. However, if she doesn't break up with him, she won't feel the love she needs. She wants to be noticed and cared for.

A few years ago, I read a book called "The Five Languages of Love." It talks about five different ways to express love: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, physical touch, and acts of service.

So, everyone expresses love differently, and everyone grows up in different environments and picks up different habits. From what you've said, it seems like your boyfriend's way of showing love is through actions of service. It seems like he's telling you with his actions that he loves you.

But what's your language of love? How do you usually show your boyfriend you care, and what's your language of love?

If you and your partner have different languages of love, the best thing to do is communicate and express your love in the other person's language. This will make it easier to get the love you want.

First, become aware of this. Then, try expressing your love in the other person's language. Try it out! First, meet the other person's needs. Then, communicate together to reach a consensus.

Hello, dear! I'm sending you a big, warm hug from afar. As a member of the same gender, I totally get how you feel.

I'm Yan Shiqi, and I'm thrilled to help you solve your problems!

From what the questioner has said, I think your relationship is currently not quite a relationship, meaning that the other person does not yet fully understand you. It is just the usual couple bantering, and the intimacy level has not reached your expectations. But that just means there's room for growth and improvement!

And now for the big question: should you end the relationship? Well, that's for you to decide. Ask yourself: do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person?

And the most important thing is to see if the other person's character can be trusted for life!

The person who usually knows how to serve tea is not necessarily someone who is worthy of a lifetime commitment. But that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other great people out there who are! Just remember, a person who would abandon you in times of danger probably isn't someone you should be spending your life with.

So, how do you know if someone is worth trusting for life?

When he is grumpy and in trouble, he still chooses not to hurt you. This kind of person is definitely someone you can trust with your life!

If you have chosen the right person, then you get to work hard to maintain the relationship!

If you've found your perfect match, the next step is to get to know each other and start building a beautiful relationship together! It's natural to wonder if this relationship is right for you, but remember that you'll go through this stage with anyone you're in a relationship with.

So, how do you manage it?

The first and most important thing you can do is communicate! Tell the other person what you want and then fulfill their wants. This is the best way to build up positive feelings!

It's like saving money: relationships need positive energy, otherwise they will be drained and the relationship will end. So, let's make sure we're putting positive energy into our relationships!

3. And now for the best part: there is a third option!

If you've tried the first two steps and the other person still doesn't make you feel loved, it's time to move on! You deserve someone who makes you feel loved and appreciated.

Human joys and sorrows are not the same. But that just means you have the opportunity to learn more about yourself! It's possible that you may really not be the same type of person.

If communication is not effective and prolonged, it will drain the energy of both people. But don't worry! It is better to leave behind some good memories.

I really hope this helps you solve your current problem!

Greetings.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to pose this question and seek assistance in formulating a solution. It is evident that, subconsciously, a great deal of importance is attached to this relationship. Over the course of three years, a number of habits and tacit understandings have been established between the two parties, resulting in mutual influence.

It would be beneficial to consider and reflect on the positive habits that have been formed as a result of this relationship.

What improvements have been made? For example, prior to his involvement, you frequently consumed iced water. However, following his introduction, he has encouraged you to drink hot water more frequently.

What are the unspoken understandings between the two individuals?

It is recommended that a list be created.

Secondly, the subject has considered the possibility of terminating the relationship. What is the current state of the other person? Is he or she indifferent?

One might inquire whether the other person is unaware, or whether fluctuations and abnormalities in thoughts have recently been experienced.

Given the presence of these thoughts in one's heart, it is possible that one's feelings may not align with those experienced previously in numerous instances. It is pertinent to inquire as to whether the other party has discerned even the slightest indication of this shift.

3. It is possible that you are experiencing a degree of guilt subconsciously due to his frequent provision of care and assistance. It would be advisable to acknowledge and address your own emotions in light of this care. As the adage suggests, "Do not be unduly influenced by those who offer you comfort and support in times of need. Adults should focus on the growth and development of the soul."

Does the individual in question evoke feelings of loneliness and helplessness when one is experiencing these emotions?

4. It is generally advised against ending a relationship in this era of impatience and haste, which has given rise to the phenomenon of "three-minute affairs." It is challenging to find a relationship that can withstand the test of time.

5. One may attempt to take the initiative to communicate in a profound manner, adopting the mindset of striving for a final opportunity. This approach eliminates the potential for ambiguity at the conclusion, as it ensures that one has endeavored and contested for it, fulfilled the expectations of the encounter, and avoids regret.

Hello! I agree with the teachers' answers. I just want to share my opinion.

You and your boyfriend don't speak the same "language of love." It's like people need to speak the same language to communicate. If you speak English and I speak Chinese, we can't communicate with each other!

The same is true of boyfriends and girlfriends. Each person has their own "language of love." You can only move forward together by understanding each other. Otherwise, you love him in your own way, and he loves you in his own way. The languages of love between you are not the same. You will both be "suffering unjustly"!

Your boyfriend values formal gestures like bringing you water and cooking for you. You focus on the spiritual level, hoping he'll show you love from the bottom of his heart. The languages of love between you are out of sync, so you can't feel the love from him!

Read the book The Five Languages of Love to understand your boyfriend's love language.

Good day, my name is Vera, and I would like to discuss this with you.

You have been in a relationship for three years, and your boyfriend is considerate and caring. However, you feel that there is a lack of spiritual communication, which has left your inner world unnourished. Please confirm whether I have understood this correctly.

Your boyfriend is considerate and capable of providing practical assistance, such as fetching water and cooking. However, he tends to overlook emotional and intellectual support, which can make you feel unsupported and powerless.

Have you communicated your needs to your boyfriend? For example, if you encounter something that requires him to understand you, but he doesn't, have you provided him with the necessary information to ensure that you feel comforted and understood?

You have been together for three years and believe you have a good understanding of each other. I will not reiterate what you already know. This kind of spiritual understanding does not come from time spent together, but from mutual education and guidance. We all have our own instructions for use. If you want the other person to understand you better, to be tolerant, to understand and pay attention to you, you need to let the other person know what is wrong with you!

It would be beneficial to practice the circumstances under which you should use a particular approach to avoid asking the wrong questions.

It is important to ascertain whether your boyfriend is able to pay attention to you and care about you. If he was an unloved and unloved child, it is likely that he will be lacking in these abilities, and therefore unable to provide you with the level of attention and care that you require.

When requesting assistance from others, it is first necessary to ascertain their ability to provide the desired outcome. In the event that they are unable to do so, it is important to identify the underlying reason. This could be due to a lack of willingness, inability, or capability on their part.

I hope this information is useful to you. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

It is my intention to present the questioner with a concept in psychology, namely "the five languages of love."

In an intimate relationship, each person may experience and express love in a variety of ways. There are five primary forms: verbal affirmation, thoughtful gestures, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical contact. These forms are not inherently superior or inferior; they simply vary in their effectiveness.

As is often the case in arguments with one's partner, the assertion is made that the other person does not understand one's thoughts or desires.

Individuals are born with distinct personalities, shaped by diverse familial backgrounds and upbringings. The understanding and expression of love they experience and learn from their parents and family members vary considerably. A child who grows up in a family where parents effectively resolve conflicts through communication may find it challenging to comprehend why a similar approach is not employed in other families. It is essential to recognize that there are numerous topics that can be discussed and resolved through open communication.

Please clarify what is meant by "no words."

From the questioner's description, it appears that your boyfriend's primary mode of expressing love is through actions of service. However, the questioner's need is for affirmation in words and thoughtful moments to express the love in the other person's heart.

It is not that the two individuals do not love each other; rather, it is that the manner in which one person expresses love is not what the other person expects. As a result, the person expressing love does not receive a response, and the person accepting love does not feel loved.

Should the questioner not yet have resolved to terminate the relationship, it is advised that they engage in discourse with their partner in a setting conducive to intimacy and comfort, thereby opening themselves emotionally. Following the experience of their partner's demonstration of affection, the questioner may find themselves desirous of further displays of love from their partner, which could potentially enhance the relationship.

Additionally, the opportunity should be taken to discuss the manner in which the questioner believes their boyfriend would prefer to be shown love, and whether he has any further suggestions.

While misunderstandings are not inherently problematic, it is nevertheless unfortunate to internalize them and refrain from communication, operating under the assumption that the other party is already aware or will inevitably discern one's sentiments. This is a challenging proposition for anyone to navigate. It is, therefore, worthwhile to reflect on the accuracy of one's assumptions about the other person's true thoughts.

Is your assumption accurate?

In the event of a misunderstanding, it is advisable to communicate one's thoughts and seek clarification from the other party. Should a problem arise, it is imperative to address it promptly and effectively. If there is a discrepancy in understanding, it is essential to request elucidation from the other person. In the event that one is unable to perform a task or is unwilling to alter one's behavior, it is crucial to accept the situation and refrain from attempting to circumvent it.

Regardless of the eventual outcome, it is unlikely that any subsequent regret will be expressed.

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can tell you're not feeling loved.

I also want to say that you've done a great job of facing your own heart and seeking help on the platform. This will really help you understand yourself and your boyfriend better, and make the right changes.

It's so important to find your inner needs.

I'd also love to share some thoughts and observations that might help you see things from a different angle.

1. I'd love to understand why it is that he treats me so well, but I don't feel loved.

After reading your post, I just wanted to say that I can relate to you! It seems like the other person is okay with you, but you just can't feel their love.

So let's chat about why this is the case. It looks like in the post, the original poster mentioned that they don't feel like they're being paid attention to or cared for.

I'd really love to know if there's something I could be doing differently.

From all this, it seems like you're looking for love in all the wrong places! It's so important to recognize that true love is about more than just emotions. It's about having someone who can understand you and take care of your emotional needs.

And let's take a look at what our sweetheart does for us! He really is a gem. When I think back, he's been pretty good to me. It's rare for a man to be able to fetch you water and cook for you.

It seems like your boyfriend's care for you is more on the practical side of things.

After chatting about this, host, have you noticed that your levels are different? You think that true love is wanting to receive emotional care from him, while what he gives you is care in life.

So, can you appreciate the feeling of being loved? You need an apple, but he gives you a banana, so can you be satisfied?

So if you don't feel loved by your partner, it might be because they're not giving you the kind of love you expect.

2. It would be really lovely if you could try to understand your boyfriend's way of expressing love.

Men and women think differently, so it's important to be aware of the differences. I think the original poster might find a great opportunity to talk to her boyfriend and find out what his way of expressing love is. Some men like to express their love through actions because many men are taught from a young age not to show their emotions, to be brave, and that crying makes you a coward. This kind of education can make boys feel bad about their emotions, so they suppress their emotions and don't express them. As a result, many boys are often more wooden on an emotional level and don't have the opportunity to practice.

So at this time, the original poster might want to find out what his way of expressing love is. You can read about the five languages of love, and you might be able to use this to start a discussion.

Once you understand your sweetheart's way of showing his love, you'll be able to feel it in some of his actions.

3. Asking your boyfriend to meet your needs is a great way to make sure you're both happy!

In relationships, many girls have this logic: "I won't say it, but you must know what I'm thinking and what I want. If you don't know, then you don't love me."

It's okay, guys! Many men really don't know what you want.

So, what can we do about it?

We can try to directly express our needs and ask the other person to satisfy them. The good news is that often, many men are also willing to satisfy their girlfriend's requests!

And the good news is that the clearer you can be with your boyfriend about what you want and need, the more likely he is to meet those needs.

4. Learning and improvement.

It's true that we often lack the learning when it comes to intimate relationships. It's a shame that few people taught us how to manage a good intimate relationship or how to choose a suitable partner when we were growing up.

Most of us are crossing the river by groping, but now that knowledge is so well paid!

There are also lots of great books and courses out there that can help us learn more about intimate relationships. There are so many on the platform! If you're looking for a good read, I'd highly recommend checking out "Intimate Relationships" and "I Wish You Knew Before Marriage" by Huang Qituan.

I really hope these ideas have been helpful and inspiring for you!

Dear Sir/Madam, My name is Yiyan Tree (Yiran), a Heart Detective coach, and I would be happy to assist you in overcoming the current difficulties you are facing.

From your statements, it is evident that you are disappointed in him. Despite his contributions, you feel that they are limited to a superficial level. You have not experienced genuine care and concern, which has led to your disappointment.

Given that you have been in this relationship for three years and are reluctant to end it, you are facing a challenging decision about the future of your relationship.

It is important to note that women are highly perceptive. Our intuition can often tell us whether we are truly loved and accepted by our partners. It is therefore essential not to doubt our feelings and to avoid labelling ourselves negatively. Instead, we should explore the situation together.

There are a number of potential explanations for this situation.

It is possible that there are only a few ways for him to express his love. The way in which we express our love is different for each of us. Some people express their love by doing housework for their partners and taking care of them, while others are used to giving gifts or providing emotional value to their partners and comforting them when they are hurt.

It is possible that your boyfriend is more accustomed to expressing his affection through activities such as cooking and fetching water.

However, this is not sufficient. You require more than just sustenance. You need to be truly seen and understood.

It is essential that your partner is able to perceive the true extent of your difficulties and challenges, to understand your emotional state, to care for your emotional well-being, and to empathize with you. The provision of tea and cooking alone cannot fulfill this aspect of your needs, which has led to feelings of disappointment.

It is possible that your boyfriend is unable to provide the level of care you desire because he did not receive it himself during his upbringing. His parents expressed their love for him through daily care, such as cooking and fetching water. This is likely the way he will express his love for a future partner. The reason he is unable to provide what you want is that he may have never experienced that feeling, so he is unable to give it.

Based on these two possibilities, we may have identified some of the underlying causes of the current situation. What is the recommended course of action?

There are two options. The first is to terminate the relationship and then select a partner who can fulfill your needs. Identify an individual who can not only prepare meals for you but also provide emotional support.

The second option is to identify individuals who can provide the specific resources you require. It is challenging for a single individual to fulfill all your needs, so it may be beneficial to consider directing your need for understanding and visibility towards those who are better equipped to provide it.

For example, a counselor or a reliable friend could be considered as an alternative to avoid frustration and disappointment. Ultimately, if the other party is unable to provide the desired support, it is not feasible to expect them to do so.

I hope these suggestions will prove useful to you.

My dear,

In just three years, from unfamiliarity to familiarity, the imagined romance is scratched and dappled by the trivialities of life. What is lost is not only the originally unattainable aura, but also an inexplicable rejection of the immediate future.

Your narrative of life with your boyfriend will be marked by helplessness and disappointment. You will fail if you cannot find faults. You have allowed your pursuit of individuality and freedom to make your life tasteless.

Every experience teaches the experiencer the difference between what you pursue and what suits you, or what is good for you.

Everyone longs for love, but few know where it comes from or where it goes. That is why it is constantly being emptied, deified, and materialized. Love is a capacity that needs to be learned and cultivated.

Love is not an emotion. It must be cultivated. The ancients understood this, which is why they valued matching social status and family backgrounds. This is not simply a matter of social status. It is about different life circumstances.

And horizons will make people perceive differently, thus leading to differences in outlooks. We are not living in a vacuum, and we must express our love through our actions. We must learn how to do this and how to understand what others are doing through mutual adaptation and habit.

This is how you learn love: through mutual adaptation and habit.

Love is a responsibility and a commitment. Follow your heart and don't transgress the rules. Care for and cherish each other through self-discipline and mutual restraint. Don't give up easily or start recklessly. Every relationship

Every relationship is worth our serious protection. We only have a few hundred people in our lives, and on average less than 20 people will get to know us deeply. The person who can enter our lives and stay together for three years is doing something special.

You must think carefully before making a decision. What were your original intentions when you started this relationship? What have you done, and what is happening now? Is there a way to optimize it? There is no fixed solution to the equation of love.

There are rules. If we don't think about them carefully, we'll just take a few more detours along similar paths and still not know how to get out of the maze.

Love is a balance between giving and receiving. The loved one is always secure, and the lover is always humble. This relationship is like a seesaw: you must get the rhythm and the center of gravity right, otherwise it will go off track.

In the case of minor injuries, it is the body that is hurt; in the case of major injuries, it is the heart. In probability theory, there is a method of optimization that has been discussed before: take the previous 1/3 as a sample, and then once you have made a choice, don't look left or right. This conclusion is not unfounded.

The psychological characteristics of human beings allow us to grasp the regularity of love from the best point of view of the process and outcome of behavior. We must guide ourselves through learning to avoid unnecessary harm because human laziness and desire are difficult to control.

A girl's youth is very short. The hidden rules of reality are not the pages of a novel that you can pause or erase at will. Every moment should be cherished, and every action should be considered twice before it is taken.