Why do we always want to push someone away when we are in a relationship?

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to help!

You're going through some relationship challenges right now, but you've got this! I'm sending you a big, warm hug to help you through.

I'm excited to tell you that I think your current situation might be related to your own family of origin!

I'd love to know more about your parents' marriage!

And what about their intimate relationship?

If it's not going well, you might think that marriage is the end of love. But it doesn't have to be!

Then, as soon as you fall in love, you push the other person away because you are afraid that if you marry the other person, you will repeat the failed marriage of your parents.

If this is the case, I highly recommend that you seek help from a professional counselor!

I would highly recommend that you seek the help of a professional counselor rather than an instant listener, as your current problems fall into the category of primary family issues.

It's also possible that your current problems are related to your relationship with your mother and father, which is great because that means you can work on that too!

It's totally possible that when you were a baby, your mom was so busy doing her own thing that she didn't always respond to your cries.

And so, you developed an anxious attachment pattern when you grew up.

If that's the case, you can also ask a counselor to help you with it!

I'm sure the problem you're facing will be resolved soon!

Now I can think of only these things!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I am the answer, and I study hard every day!

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

The questioner's description is as follows:

You're convinced everyone will leave you and no one will stay by your side for long.

This boyfriend treats you well and is very proactive. However, you always suspect his intentions.

He said that I was reluctant to lend him a power bank once, and I told him that I didn't have any money. He also said that I should find a rich woman. He cried when he heard this and said that it hurt.

But I always have this thought in the back of my mind: I don't want to trouble others, I want to back off. I know my life is a mess and I have a problem. The other person deserves better. Despite being aware of my situation, they chose to get close to me and even said they wanted to bring me energy.

It's also because I believe the other person should leave me, and we really broke up.

I want to change this way of thinking.

Words to the questioner:

You feel lonely, but you push away those who come close to you. You have an ambivalent attachment pattern. You push the other person away to prevent yourself from being hurt by their departure. You believe no one can stay with you forever, so you end it early so you won't be hurt if they suddenly leave.

Your childhood experiences have led you to protect and close yourself in this way, which has the unfortunate side effect of hurting those who love you.

This is not your problem, but you must solve it. This is the saddest thing. But you can solve this problem.

You have two options. First, you can reconcile with past events and emotions, complete the repair of inner wounds, and forget them. Second, you can arrange your own future, decide to live a kind life, and work hard to move forward. This can be done whether or not there is someone in the production. If there is, you can be with the one you love. This is the best option.

If you need it, get professional psychological counseling.

Good day.

Is it appropriate to experience trepidation and apprehension when seeking a dependable partner, to the extent that you are unable to present your authentic self?

If you have no previous experience of a romantic relationship, your behaviour may not be typical of a normal relationship. This is because people in love have very high expectations and fantasies about their partner. This driving force makes them fall in love quickly. Although the process will go through a period of enthusiasm ebbing and a period of personality adjustment, the fantasy and longing for love will still motivate them to constantly explore each other and themselves, and they will continue to grow spiritually through the experience.

However, the approach taken by the questioner is more akin to an unwillingness to embrace any feelings within a relationship, with all feelings replaced by negative thinking. This is somewhat akin to the attitude of fearful attachment in a relationship. The individual in question lacks confidence, is fearful of disappointing the other person, and unconsciously makes negative comments about themselves as a defense mechanism.

It is recommended that the questioner consider the following suggestions:

Prior to entering into a relationship, it is essential to take the time to understand your own feelings and emotions.

It is important to understand that human suffering does not arise without reason. It is a feeling experienced when certain needs of the heart are not met. For example, a child who has grown up without love in the family is relatively insecure and therefore feels extra warmth in the care of others. This makes it easier for her to establish a relationship with the other party without being tested. However, when the feeling of emptiness in her heart continues to erode her after being together, she will feel insecure again. What seems like a strong relationship is actually very fragile.

It is therefore essential to enter a relationship with a clear understanding of oneself before embarking on a romantic partnership. This will ensure that the choice made is aligned with one's true heartfelt desire.

Secondly, it is important to be confident in oneself and to take the initiative in approaching the person you like.

Individuals who attribute problems to themselves and are not adept at communication may unintentionally exert pressure on their partners, causing them to avoid closeness. The lack of typical communication and exchange often results in the inability of partners to comprehend each other's thoughts, leading to feelings of anxiety and powerlessness. The key is to assess the dynamics of your relationship, move away from a negative coping mechanism, and adopt a constructive approach, such as being courageous enough to present yourself, express your vulnerability, and acknowledge the other person's strengths, to foster understanding and build trust. This is an effective method for promptly addressing issues as they arise.

It is crucial to cultivate an ability to love and to feel love.

The definition of love is very abstract, which often results in misunderstandings and misuse of the concept. Learning how to express love correctly, rather than in a self-centered manner against one's will, is essential for personal growth and development.

If the questioner's understanding of love is also limited, they need to re-examine what true love is and how to express our feelings so that the other person can truly feel the love. This is something that requires exploration and patience. For the test of love, one of the things is the ability to give for love, willingly doing the other person's bidding. This state of mind can inspire more emotion in the other person, allowing the two to overcome difficulties together in the process of getting to know each other and build a stronger relationship. Love can allow the mind to grow.

I wish you well in your future endeavors.

Hello, host. I'm July.

From reading your description, I believe I understand the question you're trying to ask. If I may, I'd like to offer you a hug in the four-dimensional space.

From your description, I can understand to some extent the problems you are currently facing. This will make it easier for us to find solutions. So, dear poster, you can relax for now because you already know the problems you are facing. Just take your time and give yourself more time and energy, plus a certain method, and you'll be fine.

In your description, you mentioned that when you are in a relationship, you always want to push the other person away. Could I ask you to consider why this might be? From my point of view, it seems that the reason why you always want to push the other person away is because deep down, you are afraid that the relationship between the two of you will end in separation. Therefore, you want to end it as soon as possible, because if it ends at this point, relatively speaking, you will not suffer as much.

Another reason for your current mindset may be that you haven't had much experience with a healthy, trusting intimate relationship. Many of the intimate relationships you've had have been less trusting, which may have led to some concerns about repeating past mistakes in this new romantic relationship. It's understandable that you're cautious about starting a new relationship, as you may be subconsciously afraid of being hurt.

In this regard, I have also summarized some ways to help you alleviate the current situation, and I sincerely hope it can be of some help to you.

(1) It might be helpful to try to relax and take things slowly, and to avoid putting too much pressure on yourself, as this can sometimes have the opposite effect.

(2) While we cannot predict the future, we can certainly change our lives in the present. So, I encourage you to live your life to the fullest. We can always discuss the future when the time is right.

(3) Given that you have already shared your concerns with your boyfriend, it might be helpful to consider gradually loosening your vigilance in the relationship, at least for now.

(4) Regarding the potential outcome of a breakup, it's important to recognize that it could indicate a mismatch in compatibility or the emergence of other challenges. However, it's essential to consider that simply avoiding effort and commitment may not fully capture the complexity of the situation. It's possible that the relationship may not have a future together, but that's not something that can be determined without exploring it.

(5) It might be helpful to try to experience more of the process of getting along with each other, because the process could be important relative to the result. Perhaps you could just let yourself slowly experience this relationship and bring some changes to yourself, if you feel comfortable with that?

I hope you know that the world and I love you.

I hope you are well.

Hello!

I wish you luck in meeting a good guy. It's great to find someone who cares about you.

You're worried you'll lose each other one day. Statistically, this is possible.

No one knows how long a relationship will last. What love has taught me is how to love myself and others. It's more important to learn to love yourself and others in a relationship than to know if the other person will be by your side forever. What do you think love is?

You seem insecure in relationships. You mentioned past relationships, but I think it's related to how you interacted with your parents. If kids are ignored, they'll doubt themselves and have insecurity in relationships.

Often, we fall into a wrong cycle when we can't see our hearts or know how to satisfy our needs. Even if we change to a new person or relationship, the knot in our hearts will still be there. If you want to solve this insecurity, seek professional counseling.

Reading can help us improve our thinking and change our wrong ideas. I recommend the book Intimacy. There are also good courses on Yi Xinli, like "How to Love Yourself" by teacher Zhou Fan. These have helped me a lot, and I still watch them sometimes.

Do more of the things you like or are good at to be happier and more confident! Stop listening to negative thoughts. You are better than you think!

I'm a big brain hole. Thanks for reading!

It's true that being in love can bring up some really deep inner feelings. In Dream of the Red Chamber, Lin Daiyu projected a lot of insecurities onto Jia Baoyu, like feeling like a guest in someone else's home or being afraid of being belittled.

So it seems that Lin is a little bit sexual, easily suspicious, and angry. The host also seems to have some feelings of insecurity activated in an intimate relationship.

"He is up to something." It seems like there might be some self-deprecation going on, and it looks like the part of himself that he's having trouble accepting has come out.

"He deserves better." "My emotional state is terrible, my life is a mess." "He deserves someone emotionally stable." It's just that intimate relationships can bring up a lot of feelings, like not feeling confident, secure, or good enough.

We all do it! We unconsciously bring these feelings into the relationship and say and do things to the other person. And these reactions have an impact.

So, sadly, the other person really left. This is an understanding of a level, mainly the relationship level.

Your feelings are influenced by your relationship with others, and they affect the way you interact with them.

If we look a little deeper, we might find some more insights. It could be that our understanding is influenced by personality traits.

The host of this section has hardly mentioned it, but I just wanted to share my thoughts based on my own experience.

When I say "experience," I'm talking about what happens to other people in similar situations. But when it comes to the host, it might be more or less accurate, or it might not even apply at all. I'm just mentioning it as a reference for the host, so please don't take it too seriously!

It's possible that the breakdown of your relationship is due to your unconscious projection of some parts of your personality that you're having trouble accepting. We can assume that you have an underlying personality issue, and that you have a lot of parts of yourself that you're not fully comfortable with.

It seems like you're pushing the other person away, but I think there's more to it than that. It's like you're pushing a part of yourself that you can't quite accept. We all have parts of ourselves that we don't like, and sometimes we project them onto others. This can manifest as rejection or even destruction of a relationship.

If you don't accept yourself, it can lead to a lot of split personalities in the relationship. This can make you feel insecure, lack confidence, have low self-esteem, and feel like you are not good enough to show to the outside world. But, these feelings are not related to the relationship. They are mainly external manifestations of internal conflicts.

In addition, the original poster also mentioned that he may be emotionally unstable. The original poster said,

"Find someone emotionally stable, positive and optimistic, independent and self-reliant," "feel like my life is a mess right now, I have psychological problems." It seems like the poster might be struggling with some emotional challenges.

It's so sad to hear that these problems have led to some bad situations in your real life. I wish I could be of more help, but I'm not sure I understand the part you wrote.

I feel like I'm describing a state of not being able to control emotions very well, a state of encountering some emotional crisis. But it may just be that it is easier to have some emotional and emotional experiences in a relationship, and the inner state is more rich. I'm here for you if you want to talk more about this!

Only the poster himself knows what's going on, so it's really up to him. If the poster does have some emotional problems that are troubling you, I really hope the poster will get help as soon as possible.

This is something that needs to be talked about in therapy, not just in the context of intimacy.

As for what the poster asks at the end of the article, there are two ways to go about it. It's best to face and resolve relationship problems in the relationship itself.

It's totally normal for being in a relationship to bring up some deep-seated inner realities. It's something we all experience, and it's okay to talk about them with anyone. The good news is that there are ways to deal with it. The first step is to figure out what's triggering these feelings and then find a way to face them head-on.

Some things are just part of who we are and can't be solved by just the two of us working together. The host may need to do some self-exploration and personality integration.

If the emotional problem the host is describing is a problem of emotional control, some treatment may be needed. It's important to remember that having emotional management problems doesn't necessarily mean a relationship is doomed. You can still be in love, but it can become a difficult topic in a relationship.

If you're facing this, whether it's because of yourself or because you want to enter a relationship, it's so important to face these difficulties head-on. It's a great idea to actively seek out relevant resources and actively engage in treatment. Don't drag your feet and don't mistake it for something else, as this will delay professional treatment.

Hugging you, dear, I'm so excited to bring you a little warmth!

The situation of the host is a common problem for most girls, and it's a totally normal thing! They obviously like it.

But here's the catch: what they actually say and express is completely different from their true intentions!

In fact, this kind of mentality is hoping to attract the other person's attention by pushing them away.

That is, they often use double-talk to try to confirm the man's love for you.

If at this time, the man firmly chooses to be together with you, cares about you, and never leaves,

And only then will you feel secure and think that this is the good kind of love!

Guess what! Most guys are very straightforward and take things at face value.

Who can stand being pushed away again and again? I certainly can't!

If the boy leaves after you push him away once,

You'll feel: "Oh my gosh, he still doesn't love me enough!"

But they will still feel lost inside,

If you have had a lot of breakups, you will feel that you can't get along with anyone—and that's okay!

This can lead to separation anxiety and fear, but it can also lead to some incredible breakthroughs!

The good news is that you can overcome this challenge! The reason why you often push people away may be due to a lack of security and self-confidence from an early age.

Our sense of security within is very sensitive during infancy. And it's so important to have enough love from our mothers!

And the best part is that they can also be full of love and give love to others after reaching adulthood!

However, children who grow up without maternal love will be more sensitive, vulnerable, and relatively lack self-confidence. But there is hope! With the right support, these children can become confident, resilient individuals who are capable of loving others fully.

A person who is not confident and does not love themselves is unable to love others fully — but there is hope!

Even if others shower them with love, due to their own sensitivity and vulnerability, they simply cannot believe in this love. But that's okay! It just means they're extra sensitive and vulnerable, which is something to be celebrated.

Put simply, everyone's heart is like a container. If the container is not big enough and not strong enough,

Because you're holding back from receiving love from others.

So, the good news is that the problem is not that others don't love you enough. The even better news is that you can make the choice to love yourself enough!

When the host loves themselves enough and is confident enough, they are ready to take on the world! Especially when faced with the opposite sex.

Feel happier and sweeter!

It doesn't matter when! Whether you're facing a loved one or choosing a career,

We feel inferior because we don't feel good enough about ourselves.

And then, we use avoidance to solve problems. But here's the thing: does avoidance work?

Now for the best part: becoming better, more confident, and more charismatic!

And then, when you meet someone of the opposite sex again, seize the opportunity to use your charm!

So that the other person is truly, madly, deeply attracted to your unique temperament!

And then there's the matter of your often saying that you want your partner to find a rich woman, someone better, someone emotionally stable.

These are not your original intentions, but rather a way to test the other person, which is a great way to find out more about them!

But you have to know that there will definitely be someone richer and better than you in this world!

And the best part is, the other person likes you just the way you are!

Dear, I know you can do better than this! Don't hurt yourself or the other person like this in the future.

All you need to do is be yourself, enjoy each other's care and tenderness, and enjoy the happiness that comes with being in love!

And the best part is, the host will also become a happy person!

There are also some details and conflicts about life, and different views on money, which are great opportunities for two people to work through together!

But if you are too calculating, you will only hurt the other person. The key is to focus on what's important and discuss and decide on those things together.

Appreciate each other's strengths and tolerate each other's weaknesses. I absolutely believe you will meet your Mr. Right!

If you think it will really work out and you think it will break up, guess what? It probably will!

So, if you think good things, good things will happen!

You've got this! Hang in there, dear!

And finally, I wish the host a happy and fulfilling life!

I am Warm June, and I love you, the world!

Hello, host. I'm Mai Zi.

Let me give you a hug.

I get it.

After an unhappy relationship, you feel you are not good enough and afraid of repeating it.

From the start, you decided the relationship would end. You thought, "If everyone leaves me, I'll push you away."

When the other person left, it seemed to prove you were right. You thought, "I don't deserve love, and men are just like this."

I think you still want love, even though you're afraid.

Your problems may be caused by several things.

Your family can affect your views on love and marriage.

If your childhood family was happy, you will be too.

If your nurturer loved you, you will be able to love and be loved as an adult.

First love often affects how we view love in the future. It's the first time we give love to someone with all our hearts and experience "love."

If the experience was bad, we might think love is bad.

To love others, you have to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, you can't love others.

Learn to love yourself before you can love others.

The love triangle theory says a stable relationship needs intimacy, passion, and responsibility. We need to have these in ourselves before we can ask someone else for them.

Here are some tips on how to change your thinking. I hope they help.

Do personal growth. Find out which area you need to work on and do some personal growth in that area.

You can get help from a counselor.

You can also make changes. Write a note to encourage yourself or go on a trip.

The past affects the future but doesn't define it.

The past may have left scars, but these can be healed. When healed, you'll have experience and motivation to move on.

Today is May 25th. Love yourself, no matter what.

I hope these words warm you.

I love you, world.

It is evident that you are in a romantic relationship, yet you persist in discussing the possibility of its dissolution.

This is due to an avoidant attachment personality formed in the subconscious during infancy, caused by a lack of love in childhood.

Those who are happy are able to heal from the wounds of their childhood, whereas those who are unfortunate are compelled to spend their entire lives attempting to do so.

1. Avoidant attachment personality formation occurs subconsciously during infancy.

2. The parents were divorced when the subjects were young, resulting in a lack of care during their childhood.

Such behavior is the result of personality defects. Those who are unable to be awakened by their consciousness and reshape their personality may become prone to unhealthy romantic relationships and experience significant distress as a result.

The aforementioned circumstances contribute to the formation of an avoidant attachment personality, which develops in the subconscious during infancy. The parents' divorce at a young age, coupled with a lack of care during their childhood, results in this personality defect. Without the capacity for awakening and reshaping one's personality, individuals may become prone to experiencing difficulties in intimate relationships. This can manifest as a tendency to repeatedly propose breaking up and then asking to get back together, which ultimately leads to exhaustion and the dissolution of the relationship.

For example, in an intimate relationship, the couple may repeatedly propose breaking up and then ask to reconcile, which ultimately leads to exhaustion and the dissolution of the relationship.

The aforementioned factors contribute to the formation of an avoidant attachment personality, which develops in the subconscious during infancy. This personality type is often the result of parental divorce during childhood, leaving the individual behind and lacking care. It is characterized by a lack of emotional awareness and the tendency to avoid intimacy.

The manifestation of cognitive bias and an inappropriate expression of needs ultimately result in the dissolution of the relationship.

Cognitive bias and the inappropriate expression of needs can result in the dissolution of a relationship.

It is not uncommon for arguments and hurt feelings to occur in relationships. At times, individuals may experience a lack of fulfillment due to unmet deep-seated needs. When these needs are coupled with an imprint from childhood experiences of a lack of love, it can lead to feelings of insecurity about the world.

This results in the manifestation of inappropriate emotions, which ultimately leads to the dissolution of the relationship.

1. How do you establish connections with other women? It may be that the need to be noticed and cared for has not been met.

2. The question may be posed as to why the subject is perceived as being aloof and unresponsive. This may be attributed to a perceived lack of reciprocation of the subject's need for love and attention.

3. Why did the subject refrain from disclosing the information in question? It is possible that the underlying motive was to fulfill a specific need.

3. Why did the subject fail to communicate with the object of their affections? It may be posited that the need to be valued and respected has not been met.

4. If the other person fails to comprehend the significance of the action, they may erroneously conclude that the individual in question does not value their feelings.

4. The continual expression of negative emotions towards one's partner, which is often misinterpreted by the other person as a lack of concern for their feelings.

The other person becomes a source of emotional distress, making it difficult to establish a close connection with them. Attempts to do so often result in avoidance of the subject of ending the relationship, while attempts to distance oneself lead to accusations of insufficient love and commitment. Eventually, the other person becomes overwhelmed by the emotional turbulence and the relationship ends.

The manipulation of negative emotions, such as fear and doubt, ultimately results in a breakup.

It is imperative to recognize that initiating a breakup is a strategic move that can be utilized to assess the depth of another person's commitment.

1. Utilize the dissolution of the relationship as a means of evaluating the other person's commitment and reliability.

It is evident that you are the one who is actively pursuing the person you like in a relationship. However, your insecurity often leads you to test the other person's love for you by initiating a breakup. When you observe the other person's expressions of distress and nervousness as they attempt to maintain the relationship, you experience feelings of love and contentment in your heart.

Insecurity, however, invariably engenders anxiety and worry. The question is posed: are they truly the object of one's affections? How long will they continue to love me?

The question of whether one is going to be dumped is a significant source of distress. A plethora of negative emotions can precipitate an endless cycle of breakup tests, which often culminate in the other person becoming angry and leaving.

2. It is imperative that the individual initiating the separation initiates the dissolution of the relationship.

A person in a loveless relationship is unsettled by the other person's glance, movement, or words. They must be told repeatedly by actions that they are loved and that they are very much worth loving. If the love is not returned, it is advisable to cease communication and initiate a separation. After the separation, it is common to experience feelings of longing for the other person and a desire to repair the relationship. However, repeated attempts at reconciliation may lead to feelings of manipulation and resentment from the other person, ultimately resulting in the dissolution of the relationship.

It is imperative to maintain a clear and objective mindset.

In relationships where there is a lack of love, there is a tendency for one partner to adopt a victim mentality, whereby they position themselves as the victim. It can be challenging to address and avoid the psychological issues associated with attachment conflicts. When immersed in self-pity, the only viable option is to confide in a reliable individual, seek assistance, and explore ways to facilitate personal change. It is essential to strengthen one's inner self, enhance one's capacity for love, improve one's ability to express love, and consistently strive for personal growth. This will help to prevent the constant mention of breaking up, enable one to become a love expert, successfully navigate the transition into marriage, and embark on a fulfilling and happy life.