Why do we often get angry with our closest people?

Good evening.

It is human nature to lose our temper with those closest to us. This is often because they tolerate us the most. We become arrogant because of their tolerance.

For example, consider the relationship between parents and children. Despite any disrespect children may show their parents, they will never be abandoned. Even when there is a cold war between parents and children, the parents will still care about their children. Since the other party will always be waiting in the same place, when we can choose to do something or not, some people will choose to do it.

In any case, you will not abandon me even if I lose my temper, so it is logical to act in a somewhat excessive manner to demonstrate my importance and assert my authority.

It is evident that there are limits to how we interact with others. If we exceed these limits, the other party may not be willing to tolerate our behavior, leading to potential consequences such as rejection or even confrontation.

For example, if an employee loses their temper with their boss, it could result in termination of employment.

Expressing anger towards colleagues may result in social exclusion.

Anger directed at passersby may result in retaliation.

Anger directed at customers may result in a loss of profits.

On numerous occasions, we exhibit behaviors that are difficult to tolerate. However, we do not typically perceive the other party as being at fault.

It is not uncommon for a boss to lose his temper. In fact, it is often seen as reasonable for a boss to lose his temper.

However, there is often a lack of clarity regarding boundaries with those in close proximity. This lack of clarity is often the result of a prolonged period of interaction, during which one party attempts to breach the established boundaries while the other party is willing to allow the breach to occur. When one party is unwilling to adjust, conflict is inevitable, leading to a gradual realignment of boundaries on both sides.

For example, in a parent-child relationship, the parents initially occupy a dominant position, and the child has no choice but to obey. At this time, the boundary between the two sides is inherently ambiguous. However, children require control, and they will make their parents satisfy their demands through their own crying and other means. This is also a process of mutual game playing.

This may result in a sense of entitlement, such as expecting a certain level of behavior from your parent or child.

As children enter adolescence and begin to assert their autonomy, they will start to establish their own boundaries. If parents can facilitate this process in a timely manner, both parties will gain clarity on their respective boundaries, leading to a reduction in mutual intrusion.

However, if parents are unwilling to relinquish control, adolescent rebellion is likely to occur. This is the child asserting their own boundaries, and in the process, the two sides will gradually converge to establish a new boundary.

I recall that during my tenure in junior high and high school, I held a strong aversion to the attire my mother procured for me. I perceived the garments she selected as a poor fit for my personal style, and I consistently expressed a desire to purchase my own attire. After numerous discussions and negotiations, I ultimately secured the privilege of making my own purchases.

Intimacy or spousal relationships are distinct from natural blood relationships, such as those between parents and children. In intimacy, actions are taken based on love. It is also a process of interaction in which both parties gradually test to find suitable boundaries for each other.

However, this is distinct from the parameters of a parent-child relationship. When intimacy is taken to an extreme and the boundaries are crossed, and one party indicates a desire to end the relationship, the two parties will part ways.

It is therefore important to conduct oneself appropriately in an intimate relationship and to avoid overstepping boundaries. It should be noted that the other person is not one's biological mother and therefore may not always be willing to indulge one's requests.

How should we interact with those in our inner circle, particularly without resorting to anger? The answer is straightforward: treat the other person as if they were an outsider.

This will allow for a broader scope of understanding and interaction.

A colleague recently shared that she tends to become frustrated with her parents, and while they often have good intentions, she still feels annoyed. I inquired how she would respond if a similar situation occurred with a colleague. She took a moment to consider and stated that she would likely feel similarly, but not for an extended period.

After a period of time, she informed me that when she had a disagreement with her parents, she attempted to view them as if they were her colleagues and found that her initial level of anger diminished.

It is important to consider each other's boundaries when there is conflict or when excessive demands are made. This approach will not affect our care and concern for each other.

This approach is self-consistent.

As a potential alternative, when faced with a similar situation in the future, consider viewing the other person as your superior.

It is my hope that each of us has harmonious and fulfilling relationships with our intimate partners.

As a counselor, I experience fluctuations in mood, often alternating between periods of depression and periods of optimism. Despite these challenges, I maintain a positive outlook on life.

Dear questioner, I am delighted to have this opportunity to respond to your question.

It is often the case that the closer someone is to us, the more easily we get angry with them. This is something that many of us can relate to.

It is my humble hope that this humble understanding will be of some help.

It is often the case that we are most honest with those closest to us. This is because we have spent the most time together, know each other best, and have formed our way of getting along since we were very young.

Type 1: If we frequently find ourselves in situations where we feel frustrated with each other and engage in disagreements, it's not uncommon for us to express ourselves in a way that is emotionally charged, while simultaneously holding back our deeper feelings of love and connection.

Type 2: If we were to spend time together in a way that is based on mutual understanding and communication, it might make it easier for us to express ourselves in a positive way.

In many families today, it seems that the first way of getting along is more common, which can unfortunately lead to a lot of dissatisfaction with the people closest to us. We may sometimes place a lot of demands and standards on them, and as long as they deviate from our standards, we may get angry, which can make it difficult for us to properly understand each other. Just as sometimes parents may feel disappointed with their children for not being able to live up to their expectations, we may sometimes also feel this way about the people closest to us. In the final analysis, it seems that it is still our initial way of getting along that may need some improvement.

We believe that if we can all accept each other as we are, it would contribute to a happier family dynamic.

Because true love is unconditional, regardless of the other person's appearance, we accept, allow, and love them forever. With the right guidance in life, love can flow more smoothly, and we can all achieve the realm described in the Yellow Emperor's Internal Classic.

"Each according to their desires, all getting what they want"! ?