Why does everyone have a good friend, but I don't?

1. If one has been searching for a suitable partner for over three decades without success, it may be necessary to consider the possibility that the idealized image of the perfect partner is, in fact, an unrealistic standard. It is also possible that individuals are inherently complex and multifaceted, and that they undergo constant change. It is a luxury, or even an illusion, to believe that everything is always right, or that one can always feel right.

Secondly, it is essential to identify the appropriate partner, which is contingent upon a number of fundamental factors, including values and maturity. In other words, there must initially be a sense of mutual attraction and the assumption that the relationship will not be significantly disrupted by major conflicts. This depends on both parties being able to accept and respect each other's important principles and values, which in practice often requires a similar set of values and ways of doing things. For instance, it would be unwise to attempt to form a friendship with someone who is homophobic.

3. Despite differences, mutual understanding and acceptance of each other's actions and behaviors can facilitate a tacit understanding and respect for "harmony in diversity." This is a fundamental principle and prerequisite for developing friendships. For instance, one may be meticulous and selective, choosing the optimal option from a multitude of alternatives. However, this does not preclude the possibility of being a good friend to numerous individuals.

4. It is accurate to conclude that genuine friendships require a significant investment of time and shared experiences, as well as the ability to withstand numerous challenges and tests of the relationship. This highlights the importance of spending time together on campus, as it provides a conducive environment for fostering friendships. However, despite the apparent connection between school and work, the inclination towards compartmentalized lives, the prevalence of utilitarian values, and the tendency to communicate in guarded and indirect ways make it challenging to establish genuine connections and accept others as friends.

5. Consequently, one may experience confusion and a sense of being adrift, feeling unable to identify the optimal partner and having a considerable capacity for affection yet lacking clarity on how to direct it. This may necessitate a degree of compromise or self-reflection, encompassing an appreciation for shared values while acknowledging differences. As previously stated, the capacity for gratitude and the potential for developing into a compatible friend are of paramount importance, superseding other considerations.

6. The hobbies you mentioned are not the primary focus. Playing and eating together are merely a means and an excuse. What is crucial is the time spent together, getting to know each other and sharing experiences and memories. Should not relationships and emotions be a natural product and result of this? One does not have to be best friends or close buddies to go shopping and chat together, but it is evident that one can only become good friends by doing so more and more.

You assert that there is an excess of love, and that there is no necessity to conceal it. It is not analogous to the gas in a gas cylinder, which is consumed at an accelerating rate. As long as there is willingness, there is no cause for concern that it will be depleted. There is no reason not to express benevolence.

It is my sincere hope that you will find happiness.

Good morning, I am honored to have the opportunity to answer your questions. I hope that my suggestions will be of assistance to you.

Who can empathize with your confusion and uncertainty, who lacks the ability to make friends, and who is unsure of whom to confide in.

In this case, there are two possible courses of action.

One option is to expand our social circle, take the initiative to make connections, and engage in communication to express and listen.

The second option is to seek appropriate psychological counseling assistance to share or confide in our daily lives.

First, we establish connections. You can effectively categorize yourself based on your skills. You may lack experience in developing new hobbies.

We can then leverage the information at our disposal to cultivate our network.

There are numerous categories of friends, and the majority of individuals typically begin with classmates and colleagues.

Additionally, we can expand our network by connecting with individuals outside our immediate circle, including classmates and colleagues.

There is no standardised approach to determining the subject matter of conversations with friends. Communication can be conducted according to one's own interests or those of the other person.

One straightforward topic for discussion with colleagues is our work. We can talk about our profession, for instance, recent developments in our field, or even share some professional insights.

The initial stage of initiating a conversation is often challenging, particularly when there is a lack of familiarity. However, it is essential to be assertive and express one's interests. During the conversation, it is possible to share one's interests with the other person and observe their response. If the other person engages, it indicates a potential alignment in interests, which can be further explored in subsequent discussions.

During the course of the conversation, it is not feasible to have a one-to-one discussion. This is not an academic exchange meeting. Therefore, other topics will be introduced as the conversation progresses.

At this juncture, we can continue the discussion along these lines, which represents a repetition of the aforementioned steps. The other person may also introduce new topics. If we are interested, we can also engage in further discussion to identify additional points of connection.

Secondly, our acquaintances are individuals we encounter in our daily lives, such as our neighbors or people we meet when we visit places we frequent.

For instance, if I enjoy reading, I frequently visit the bookstore, where I can enjoy a beverage such as tea or coffee. If circumstances permit, we may even engage in conversation with someone at the adjacent table and establish a connection.

In this phase of our daily lives, we are disinclined to venture out, so we can identify and connect with individuals who share our interests online, such as book clubs. We can also establish connections with people we have never met in person.

In this context, the initial step of exploration is unnecessary since we already know that we have common interests. We can proceed directly to discussing our interests. For example, if I meet someone in an online book club or in a bookstore, I can simply say, "I recently came across a book I think you'll enjoy. Would you like me to share it with you?" Similarly, when I was browsing in the bookstore, I discovered a new book by an author you like. I saw it and wanted to share it with you. We can still find common ground for conversation.

In addition to discussing the book's content, we can also explore other topics of mutual interest. This can include each other's occupations or other areas of expertise. If we have further opportunities to interact, we can expand our conversations beyond the scope of the book. This can facilitate deeper connections and enhance the potential for future collaboration.

However, should the discussion not progress or fail to identify further shared interests, there is no need for either party to feel obliged to pursue the matter further. The relationship established between the two parties is simply that of fellow book enthusiasts in a reading club. It is perfectly acceptable for there to be no other common ground.

Each of our associates will possess different qualities. If we form a relationship with an associate A, we can engage in conversation about topic A. If we have a second area of interest B, we can identify an associate B with whom to discuss our shared interest in B.

Ultimately, we define and refine our perspective on friendship, and then form friendships based on that perspective.

There are multiple levels and ranks within the context of friendship.

For instance, typical colleagues and classmates are merely acquaintances. Our interactions may be confined to matters pertaining to the workplace or school, and at most, may encompass some casual chatter about entertainment among colleagues or classmates.

The next level is to upgrade from colleagues or classmates to friends. Even after graduation or leaving the company, the friendship can still be maintained. At this time, our communication will be more in-depth, but this part of the depth is also limited to the skills we share together, or the sharing of some information about the city where we live, as well as some entertainment gossip.

Furthermore, the friendship may extend to the point where the individuals have been classmates for a long time. For example, my two best friends and I were classmates, but after graduation, we have maintained a friendship for more than ten years. We have been out of school for a long time, and our topics have also moved beyond school. Instead, through years of getting to know each other, we have discovered new interests and hobbies for each other, and we have even established and cultivated new interests and hobbies together. As a result, we have new topics to chat about.

At this juncture, the friendship has matured to the level of good friends, affording us a vast array of topics to discuss. Even when we develop new interests, we will share them with each other.

For example, a few years ago, when things like planners and gukas were not widely adopted, our colleagues did not engage in these activities together. However, over time, I developed an affinity for planners, and my colleagues became interested in gukas. We shared these tools with each other and explored new hobbies. We then examined our shared interests to identify potential new common hobbies or areas of overlap.

At the deepest level, that of best friends, we share common interests and also have different interests. However, we respect each other and allow each other the space to pursue our individual interests.

For example, previously, as colleagues, if I saw a new publication by an author you admire in a bookstore, I would share it with you. However, after becoming close colleagues, I would be aware that you probably do not enjoy reading, but you appreciate discussing entertainment. At that time, even if I do not enjoy discussing entertainment, if I happened to search the Internet and come across a celebrity, movie, or TV series that you like, I would share it with you, because I know that although I do not enjoy it, I am not familiar with it, and I do not understand it, but I know that you enjoy it. Then, after I see it, my first reaction would be to share it with you, and we would still have new topics to discuss together.

For instance, she may share information about interesting celebrities or new movies and TV dramas, and I may also share with her a new book or author I've discovered. Despite the fact that we cannot engage in in-depth conversations about these interests because they are not shared between us, this does not affect our ability to share. What makes us happy is that I have satisfied my desire to share and have experienced the happiness of my friend, and we are also happy for our friend's happiness.

We hope that through self-reflection or with the assistance of a professional, you will gain a deeper understanding of yourself, identify a friendship model that aligns with your needs, and cultivate a broader network of positive relationships.

I extend my warmest regards to the world and to you.

Good day. I am Bai Li Yina, the respondent to this inquiry. It is my hope that my reply will provide some degree of solace and assistance.

The questioner expressed envy towards individuals who possessed a larger and more diverse social network. She identified that her own social circle was relatively limited and that the individuals she encountered often demonstrated a lack of interest in social interaction or a reluctance to pursue a friendship. This led to feelings of loneliness and a desire to connect with a friend who would be a worthy investment of one's time and energy.

[Situation analysis]

In this urban environment, it is natural to desire a companion with whom to share one's joy and sorrow. It is also understandable that one would prefer not to be alone, yet it is equally important to recognize that settling for less is not an option. The waiting period, while challenging, is a necessary step in the process of finding the right person. It is crucial to understand the underlying causes of these emotions.

[Questions to provoke deep thought]

1. What are the essential qualities you seek in a friend? Are there individuals you have known since childhood who exemplify these qualities?

Please record your responses in writing.

2. What are your perceived strengths? Would you be amenable to befriending someone with a personality similar to your own?

3. What are the expectations for a friend? Would you be amenable to a friendship with someone who is unable to engage in leisure activities such as conversation and shopping, even if the other person expressed a desire to be your friend?

4. Would you be amenable to joining an unfamiliar team with the objective of forming friendships?

It is recommended that the following methods be attempted.

It is not that one is unable to find friends; rather, it is that one is unable to find a friend who is capable of making one happy. It appears that no one in one's immediate vicinity evinces the capacity to make one happy, and the probability of one being able to select a partner is quite low. One is reluctant to extend a gesture of goodwill to others because one wishes to reserve one's affections for the individual who is deemed to be the optimal choice. However, it is often the case that one forms friendships with individuals who treat one well. One's reticence thus serves to reduce the likelihood of the other person choosing one.

1. When experiencing feelings of loneliness, it is possible to choose to provide oneself with the love and affection that one desires, which can be directed towards friends. This can be achieved through activities such as shopping or watching a movie. It is not necessary to engage in these activities alone. Instead, one can simply engage in the activities that they enjoy, even if they are alone. When one has not yet met an individual with whom they wish to form a romantic relationship, it is important to prioritize self-love and self-care.

2. One effective method for expanding one's social network is to participate in group activities after work. It is not uncommon for individuals to encounter those they find attractive in an unintentional manner. However, this unintentional encounter also necessitates a certain degree of social mobility to facilitate the formation of a connection.

3. It may be perceived that all individuals are inherently negative, which could be attributed to an individual's own perspective and interpretation of the world. What is observed may not be indicative of the actual negativity of others, but rather a reflection of the negativity associated with one's own internalized views and attitudes.

One may find a great deal of positive energy by attempting to alter one's perspective.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

It is important to note that change often requires time and patience. It is also crucial to recognize that many individuals have experienced or are currently experiencing similar challenges.

The world and I are with you; you are not alone. It is my sincere hope that you will soon find resolution to the issues that have caused you distress and achieve a state of inner peace and comfort.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have expressed approval and provided feedback. I extend my best wishes for peace and joy.

Hello, question asker.

You have high expectations of your social life and want a good friend to keep you company. In the process of making friends, you've encountered some obstacles in your own personality and friendship-making skills.

Tell me what you think a friend is.

Different people have different definitions.

Some neighbors, after greeting each other regularly and getting to know each other, become friends over a mutual interest in fishing. However, their communication beyond this interest is limited.

Some people want a friend who they can talk to about anything and who will help them in times of need.

Some people only want a friend who will eat, chat, and be happy with them.

You mentioned the word gratitude.

Treat him well and he'll treat you well in return. Be grateful for your kindness.

It's like someone walking in the desert with a bottle of water. They meet someone else who is also thirsty and wants to save them. The question is, can they walk out of the desert together after saving each other?

You haven't experienced much care and love, so you're afraid to open your heart in case you get hurt. Your sensitivity makes you even more afraid of being hurt.

When a person's inner love is not fulfilled, they are actually unable to give it.

You must learn how to love yourself better.

Accept your emotions, good and bad, because they are trying to tell you something.

Discover your strengths. When you become more confident, you will attract similar people.

You know you're cute and approachable, and your aura reflects that.

There are plenty of same-sex dating circles for people with your sexual orientation. As long as you can ensure the safety of your body and property, you should definitely try to meet other partners.

This is your sexual orientation. It is innate and does not hurt anyone. You have every right to pursue love.

In today's society, people are under pressure and are choosing to devote less energy to socializing. If they cannot gain energy from socializing, they are choosing to be alone.

Let's be real, getting along with others involves more than just laughter. It also involves friction.

I get it.

If you want to make friends, you have to be open and try to make friends. Don't be defensive.

People change, and their needs change at different stages. He might be grateful now, but you can't guarantee what will happen in the future.

Enjoy the moment. Be true to yourself.

You need to accept that it's unrealistic to expect a friend to meet all your needs and never change. You can try making different friends, or start with a partner. Some people have a meal partner, a shower partner, a game partner, a drinking partner, etc.

You will build friendships more easily if you have common interests.

You've got this!

Good morning, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for sharing your confusion with us and for seeking an answer. You are wondering why everyone seems to have a best friend, but you don't.

I would like to take some time to discuss your confusion with you.

1. Introduction

1⃣️, friends

You say, "It would be wonderful to have a friend with whom I can share my joys and sorrows. While many people around me have at least one best friend or best girlfriend with whom they can go shopping, chat, and hang out together, I am still looking for that special someone with whom I can connect on a deeper level."

Additionally, it can be challenging for gay men to find someone with whom they can build a long-lasting relationship and have a deep understanding. Given the limited number of individuals in this community and the societal pressures that many face, it's understandable why finding a partner can be difficult.

Friend,

It would seem that you have lived for more than 30 years without a close friend with whom you can chat, share, be brothers, or go shopping, or a best friend. This may be a source of loneliness for you.

Identity

Given your unique status, it may be challenging to find a partner who is willing to accompany you for life. You may also feel that mutual understanding and mutual support are even rarer to achieve.

2⃣️, loneliness

You say, "I am a particularly sensitive person. I feel that in this big environment, everyone seems to be more negative. There is no longer the feeling of peace and harmony that we all had many years ago when we were able to care for each other. This makes me feel even more lonely. I have a lot of love that I want to give out, but I don't know to whom, because I also have selfish desires. I want to give the most love to someone who can be grateful and has the potential to develop into a good friend."

"I don't typically have any hobbies, and even if I did, I'm not sure how to use them to make friends because I'm relatively inexperienced. Starting a new hobby would be challenging for me. I'm also concerned about being criticized or looked down upon. If I were to use my specialty (computers), many professionals are not as skilled at or don't prioritize socializing, and I might encounter more confident individuals."

It seems that you are experiencing feelings of loneliness.

You mentioned the general environment, but I'm not quite sure what you meant. It seems like you feel that everyone is looking out for themselves and rarely cares for or helps each other, which might be making you feel lonely. It's possible that you want to give your love away, but you're not sure to whom.

It seems that you may be experiencing some challenges related to low self-esteem.

You don't have many hobbies, you're self-conscious, and you want to learn from scratch, but you're afraid of being looked down upon. Your major is computers, which you're not sure is the best choice for social situations.

3⃣️, consider asking for help.

You say, "Perhaps it's been a while since I've met someone I click with, and I'm feeling a bit discouraged. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, but it's not always easy. I'm hoping someone can offer some guidance and suggest a different approach, so I can find a good friend."

It would be beneficial to address the issue of anxiety.

It seems that you are longing to meet the right person, but so far, you haven't had the opportunity to do so. It's understandable that you might be feeling a bit anxious and insecure in the meantime.

If you could let us know what we can do to help, we'd be happy to assist.

As you are hesitant to share your deepest thoughts with others, you have decided to use this platform to seek advice on how to find a close friend.

2. Potential causes of anxiety

1⃣️, Definition of a friend

Perhaps it would be helpful to define what we mean by the term "friend."

Friends can be defined in many ways and play an important role in our social interactions. Typically, when we think of friends, we tend to associate them with individuals with whom we have formed close connections, regardless of whether they are related to us by blood.

Friends can be of varying degrees of intimacy, from casual acquaintances to close confidants and even soulmates.

Perhaps it would be helpful to narrow down the scope a little.

In the main questioner's narrative, the scope of friends is narrowed to those who know and love each other. This may result in the main questioner framing many people who could potentially become friends with you out of their sight. This could, in turn, lead to a smaller number of friends.

This may have contributed to your feelings of anxiety about making friends.

2⃣️, lack of self-confidence

It would be beneficial to consider the role of self-confidence in this situation.

In psychology, the concept of self-efficacy, proposed by Bandura in his social learning theory, is thought to be the closest thing to self-confidence. This refers to an individual's assessment of their ability to successfully cope with a particular situation.

It could be said that confidence is a natural state of mind that describes a person's social adaptation. This could be defined as the psychological process of unease when a person tries to use their limited experience to grasp this strange world.

It seems that the questioner may lack confidence.

From the description of the questioner, it seems that past life experiences may have led to a lack of confidence. It's understandable that someone who doesn't have many hobbies or achievements to be proud of might feel hesitant to interact with people and get involved in areas where they excel.

This may also be a contributing factor to the questioner's anxiety.

3⃣, social phobia

It might be helpful to consider the concept of social phobia.

Social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder, is a psychological disorder that is characterized by a person's feeling of obvious fear and anxiety in social situations. Such a person may feel uncertain about how to respond when faced with social behaviors and activities that may cause embarrassment, and may therefore choose to avoid these situations to avoid feeling embarrassed or humiliated.

It would be beneficial to consider the following reasons:

It seems that a lack of self-confidence, excessive self-expectations, and a strong concern for what others think may be the fundamental cause of social anxiety. People with this problem may tend to think the worst of everything, which could lead to feelings of inferiority and anxiety.

3. What to do

1⃣️, gain an understanding of yourself

It would be beneficial to try to understand yourself better.

Gaining an in-depth understanding of oneself is a process that involves exploring one's personality, characteristics, interests and hobbies, range of abilities, areas of expertise, strengths and weaknesses, and other information.

It may be helpful to consider ways of fully leveraging one's strengths.

It is only by understanding ourselves, especially our strengths, that we can play to our strengths and win the favor of others. For example, if the questioner is a computer expert, they can do what they are good at and capable of doing in the field of computers.

It is only through playing to our strengths that we can build self-confidence.

2⃣️, Make friends

Forming friendships

It is not necessarily required that our friends be confidants, as that may be challenging for many people to achieve. What is important is that we can chat with each other to maintain such a friendship.

It would be beneficial to trust others.

As friends, we can build a relationship based on mutual trust, mutual tolerance, and mutual support, while protecting each other's privacy. This allows us to start as ordinary friends, gradually deepen our mutual understanding, and eventually become close friends who can tell each other everything.

3⃣️, learn to communicate

Communication

Communication can be defined as the transmission of information, the process of transmitting and receiving thoughts and feelings between people and between people and groups, with the aim of achieving consensus and emotional fluency.

It would be beneficial to learn to communicate.

It is important to communicate and interact with others in order to survive in society. Learning to communicate is an essential tool for our survival. We choose people we trust and communicate with them openly about a range of topics, including hobbies, life experiences, reading, movies, music, and exercise.

You might also consider starting with strangers. You could greet them, say hello, chat with them, and praise security guards and doormen. You could also discuss parenting, for example. In short, you could work on establishing a communication atmosphere and opening up your social circle.

It would be beneficial to participate in more activities, try to communicate with others, and expand your social circle. This will likely improve our communication skills.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that by trying, you can exercise yourself, improve your abilities and confidence, and make friends.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish the original poster a happy life!

Hello, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

Your words bring back memories of a time when I felt really lonely. I felt the same way you do now. I really disliked being alone and longed for good friends, but I couldn't seem to find any. But it was also during that time that I realized that my best friend is actually myself. I have a lot of love to give to myself. When I started to enjoy being alone and became my own best friend, my inner strength was also enhanced. Later, I attracted many like-minded friends.

My advice to you is this:

Sometimes we need to look beyond our immediate social needs and identify what we truly desire. This is an important step in understanding ourselves and our relationships.

At the time, I was looking for friends. I needed someone to keep me company, and I also needed someone to recognize me. I hoped that a lot of the things I did would be praised by others, so I often posted updates on my friends' walls and paid close attention to who had liked them, how many likes they had, who hadn't liked them, and why they hadn't.

I think it's because I lack something internally, and I need external confirmation. It's also important to understand what your friends really want, even if they don't say it. That's what we need to see and deal with most. It's the part of us that is internally lacking. And it's because we have this lack that we feel lonely when we are alone.

Later on, when I filled the gaps in my inner world and learned to recognize and appreciate myself, I no longer needed external validation and gave so much less. I really enjoyed my own time alone, and I was very happy to be able to do the things I like when I'm alone.

2. When you're lacking friends, learn to keep yourself company. Being lonely can be tough, but there are also plenty of benefits to being alone.

If we think loneliness is painful, it means we haven't learned to be our own best friend. Of course, this takes time. Back then, I was also restless all day, hoping someone would go for a walk, go shopping, chat, or eat together, but I couldn't find anyone. Either they were too far away or too busy. So I started learning to be my own best friend. I learned to understand myself, see myself, take care of my feelings, and give myself recognition and appreciation. When I'm alone, I appreciate flowers, go for a walk, go into nature, read a happy book, watch an engrossing movie, draw a mandala, or write an article that expresses my feelings. I've learned that I understand myself best and that I'm my best friend.

When we can be our own best friends, treating ourselves with the same warmth, care, and tolerance as we would our best friends, we have also learned to love and care for ourselves, which is something that no one else can give us.

3. We all need supportive relationships and a sense of belonging, but ultimately, we give ourselves that sense of belonging.

Of course, we all need supportive relationships and a sense of belonging because we want to connect. But the sense of belonging is something we give ourselves. To establish it, we have to go out and take the initiative to connect.

I remember once in a chat room, a woman in her 50s said that she had always been single, but she didn't feel lonely. She was very happy inside. When it came to the topic of a sense of belonging, she said that a sense of belonging is something you give yourself. In the past, she always stayed at home and felt very miserable. Later, she took the initiative to give, organizing public welfare activities, group growth, and group charity sales. She found that she had a strong sense of value and belonging. It's true that those who love give back love, and those who give blessings receive blessings. When we take the initiative to give love, love will flow back to us and nourish us.

My experience has been similar. In the past, I also rarely went out. Later, I took the initiative to participate in many psychological science popularization activities and many public welfare activities, and made a lot of friends. Among them, there will be people who are not on the same frequency as me, but I will also meet a lot of people who share the same aspirations as me. When I give, I never care if I give too much, because I know that all experiences are for self-growth. In this way, after almost five years, I have gradually established my own support system in our local psychological circle. They can give me support and understanding, and at the same time, I will also contribute my strength and value.

They weren't the people I met at the beginning, but they're the right people I met after confirming my vision during my growth process—people who can nourish each other.

I hope this is helpful for you. Best wishes!

Don't be sad, question asker. At the beginning of 2022, I experienced a double blow to my emotions and work, which led me to feel that I didn't have many friends. At that time, I felt that I didn't have the motivation to continue improving myself, so I spent more time watching dramas and novels. Then, as I became more interested in writing, I also produced some fanworks. I then had the opportunity to discuss the plot and create together with friends.

She is a very good person. When we met, we were both going through a difficult period, but we gradually supported each other and gradually emerged. Now we have both made achievements in our respective fields. So fate is very mysterious, and it's important not to lose hope.

I can see that you are eager to make friends, but it seems that you haven't yet found the right person. I can sense your loneliness, the emptiness in your heart, the feeling that life is meaningless, and your low mood.

You have expectations for life and hope that someone can understand and care about you. You care a great deal about whether you can make friends, so when things don't go as expected, it can be difficult to know how to move forward.

You are like me, a relatively passive person, but if you want to make friends, we should both learn from my friend. She is a very enthusiastic person, but I was actually quite closed at that time, a bit afraid to give. I believe it is still beneficial for one person to be enthusiastic and generous, so that the two of them can have a story. Do you think you need to be proactive to make friends?

And might I inquire as to whether you usually participate in some offline activities? It might be beneficial for you to consider initiating communication with others, going out more, and not being afraid of rejection. Expressing yourself sincerely is always a good approach.

I wish you the best.

Hello, host!

I'm excited to help you and I'd love to hear your feedback!

Reading the question description, I can appreciate the anxiety and helplessness of the poster. I want to give the poster a big, warm hug!

Before we dive into answering the original poster's question, let's explore two fascinating concepts: fact judgment and value judgment. Imagine a standard answer like in an exam. If you were asked how tall you are, you could measure it and get an answer.

But when it comes to value judgments, there's no one-size-fits-all answer! Take, for instance, when I tell you that you're too tall.

This is a value judgment, and isn't that what makes life so interesting? Everyone has a different standard for what they consider tallness.

I want to make the poster understand that our answers are based on our own understanding, experiences, and values. That means they're just suggestions! I hope the poster will find our answers helpful, but not feel like they're the only ones out there.

After hearing the story of the original poster, I felt his loneliness. But it's just that everyone's definition of a friend is actually different, and that's a good thing! In "Motivation Psychology," it is mentioned that there are three basic core psychological motivations: freedom, ability, and a sense of belonging. And when we want to find a friend, we are actually seeking a sense of belonging, because people are social animals. Sometimes, it is precisely because of your existence that I see my own existence—and that's a wonderful thing!

Of course, according to the original poster, it is indeed not easy to actively make friends if the original poster's personality is like this. But that just means there's an opportunity for growth and change! The original poster may not find most people trustworthy, which can make it more difficult. But that's something the original poster can work on! The original poster may not be willing to actively connect with people. But that's something the original poster can work on too!

This is actually not easy, but it's totally doable!

This is what I think! It could be a great way to save the country. I think the original poster should definitely find a psychological counselor. A good counselor will accept you unconditionally for who you are, regardless of your identity, age, occupation, or gender.

I absolutely believe that when someone has tasted the nourishment of a relationship, they can give in to it. Otherwise, if you have never received anything, how can you give what you don't have?

This process may take about half a year, but it'll be worth it! With the company of a psychological counselor, the host can also try to make friends online based on your interests. There's even a popular culture called "making friends," which is just an activity organized based on interests, generally not involving relationships. The host should participate in such activities a few times, and when they slowly get to know others, then decide whether to continue the relationship.

If you meet someone with the same interests, then you can really go deeper!

I totally get it! I understand the kind of relationship the original poster hopes to establish, which may be called a deep relationship. This kind of relationship requires both parties to let down their defenses and expose their vulnerability without worrying about betrayal. It's not easy to find, but it's worth it! Even in a marriage, the divorce rate is still very high. But overall, I think in a relationship, independence comes first, and then comes dependence.

Absolutely! I also suggest that the host read more so that no matter when, if we meet interesting people, we can find topics to talk about.

I really hope this helps! Every contribution is a wonderful thing that longs to be seen and to get feedback from the poster and anyone else who is interested. Follow and like (useful).

Hello, question asker! I see your question and confusion, and I'll answer it.

1. You seem lonely and helpless, and you worry a lot. You don't know how to interact with people. You feel worthless.

If you're willing to try, you'll find someone who treats you with sincerity. But you'll still have restrictions and judgments.

2. Everyone has different sides. What you see in others is just what you expect to see in yourself. You can never see the other side that others hide, so there is no need to envy what others have. Everyone is self-sufficient. It's just that you are currently trapped by that feeling of loneliness. Maybe you can let go and see the parts you have.

3. Your parents probably couldn't give you complete acceptance and unconditional love. When you're still a wounded and frustrated child, the outside world seems negative. So, I suggest you stop trying to be understood and respected. You'll discover infinite possibilities by growing and exploring your inner self.

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm so honored to be able to give you some advice.

It seems like you're having a bit of trouble with the whole "good friend" thing. It seems like everyone around you has at least one friend, but you don't.

It's totally normal to feel like you're on different pages with other people. Even if there's a gap, it's okay! What is it, exactly?

I can tell from your text that you're a really sincere and kind person, and I feel like I have some advantages too.

You're such a good guy! It's a bit of a mystery why you don't have a best friend or best girlfriend like the people around you. It can make you wonder if it's really your own fault.

I'll do my best to give you a detailed analysis based on your text, help you sort out your current emotional state, and see if my expression can give you some inspiration and enlightenment.

It can be really tough when you're in your thirties and you feel like you don't have anyone you can really open up to about your joys and sorrows. If that's how you're feeling right now, it might be helpful to think back to your university days and other periods of your student life. Did you have anyone you could chat with about your feelings?

I'm wondering if it's only after graduating from university that you might gradually lose that special friend you can chat with so openly and honestly?

If friends from school days can still keep in touch, that period was actually the most genuine and heartfelt. It's so lovely when friends from school can stay in touch! But after entering society, people are more concerned with struggling for their own lives, and actions such as trying to cooperate or care for each other will decrease accordingly.

In the big world of society, it's not like our student days. Back then, we were mostly local, even living close by, so we were exposed to similar environments and had similar thought patterns.

I have a feeling that at that time, you were also quite comfortable in interpersonal relationships, don't you think?

As I get older, I find that I'm not as able to do so as I once was.

It's not really true, though. We've just changed our environment, and the new attributes that have come with it might be just like this. But deep down, we're really sincere and hoping to share some true feelings with our friends. That way, we can relax and enjoy ourselves.

So if you'd like to have a friend like that, let's take a look at the friends you have around you. Do any of them have friends or girlfriends? Are they a kind and caring person? Do they have a relationship that's built on mutual respect and interests?

Or could it be something else?

This is something we really need to look at objectively, don't you think?

It's true that they have an advantage over us in having friends, but it's really important to think about whether the reason for having them is something we're happy with.

If someone is willing to be your friend at the moment, but they're coming with an ulterior motive, it might be tricky to reach a consensus with them.

After all, you're already so kind and sincere! So, if someone is approaching you with the wrong intentions, it's important to recognize it.

At the end of the day, two people become friends because they want to have a better relationship, feel safe with each other, and find someone they can trust.

If the other person doesn't share your views, it might not be the best idea to pursue the relationship. But don't worry! You can always ask questions on our psychological platform. We're here to help you think of ways to make the relationship work, or to help you analyze and give you some suggestions.

So, everyone has different experiences at different stages of life, don't they? In school, you make friends who are really there for you. After going to university, you gradually realize that the university is a small society that needs to be maintained through interpersonal relationships.

And in society, I've come to see how important it is to have good relationships with other people.

It's totally normal to not be great at relationships sometimes! If you feel like you could do with some help, that's okay.

I'd love to know what your goal and direction are in terms of interpersonal relationships!

I'd absolutely love to keep chatting with you! When you think about this in a positive way, positive thinking can really help you to see yourself and your surroundings in a more objective way.

This can also help you figure out a model for your future and your relationships that's really right for you.

And then there's the fact that you're gay, which can make it seem like it's harder to find someone to settle down with for the long term because there's a relatively small community.

Oh, you haven't yet entered this circle?

I can imagine it must have taken you a long time to search and you probably found that there really wasn't anything suitable.

So, have you got any new plans for your romantic relationship, or do you hope to find the one who loves you the most?

I really believe that if you have a major breakthrough in your romantic relationship, it can also help to make you feel less lonely.

So, when it comes to your love life, I'd love to hear all about your current situation based on your own experiences.

It would be really great for you if you could change your circle or your perspective and approach.

Another thing I've noticed is that you're quite sensitive, and you also feel that the current environment is not easy, and everyone is more negative than you'd like.

It can be really tough to find a true friend with whom you can share your heart.

It's true that every era has its own special qualities. If you're different from everyone else, it's because you're unique! You can use this to your advantage to create your own value. You're highly sensitive and vulnerable, but this sensitivity helps you to carefully judge whether someone is kind and sincere, and whether their energy field matches yours.

So, if you want to share your love and express your true feelings to the other person, it's really important to identify whether the other person's aura is compatible with yours. This is the first step!

So, what have you learned so far about identifying others? That is, whether this person is someone you can talk to and whether they are sincere? I'd love to have a discussion about this with you!

And finally, I'd like to suggest that you enrich your life by finding some hobbies to enjoy in your daily life.

You might feel like you're not so great on the inside, and that you'd like to try a new hobby. It can be scary to start from scratch, and it's totally normal to feel that way! We all feel that way sometimes. If your hobby requires going to a training class, it's natural to be nervous about being critiqued by the teacher or feeling like you might not understand some of the lessons. It's okay to feel that way!

There are so many possibilities! As long as they're within your capabilities, financial means, and you're open to them, you can try anything. You can become the kind of person you want to be, with the right qualities and interests.

For you, the thirties are the perfect time to start planning your life! So, what kind of person do you want to be?

It's totally up to you! You can talk it out, win with your skills, be a humorous person, find the one who loves you, or simply find a close friend with whom you can have a good time. Whatever you choose, I'm here to support you.

I'm sure you've already done a lot of thinking, and I'm excited to hear more! You can share your thoughts with me by clicking on my personal homepage.

I really do believe that, together, we can help you with an answer and future planning. And I truly believe that, together, we can adjust your overall life.

I'll be waiting for your reply and sending you all my best wishes!

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can help you understand yourself better through images.

The person asking the question says that after more than 30 years, they still don't have a friend they can share their good and bad times with. They look at other people they know and always envy them for having a friend to do things and chat with. I'm wondering if the person asking the question has never met someone they can confide in, or if it just fell apart along the way?

As I read your question, I get the sense that your concerns about the human heart and human nature are holding you back. You're hoping to meet someone who treats you with more kindness and protects your sensitive and fragile heart.

If you can't get past the barriers you've put up, it'll be tough for anyone to get close to you, let alone get to know you. So, right now, the most important thing for you is not to make friends or find a partner right away. It's to understand yourself better and rebuild a sense of security.

For instance, sensitivity, which makes us very aware of what others think, is only superficial. The real issue is damaged self-esteem. Someone with a high sense of self-worth, that is to say, someone whose sense of self-worth has been damaged – someone who is comfortable with themselves and has good relationships with others but who has not been adequately satisfied with their "narcissism" since childhood, and whose sense of self-worth is damaged – will find it difficult to feel good about themselves.

Deep down, you want lasting friendships, but even if you imagine criticism, your sensitivity still stops you from forming real relationships. The reality is that many people experience psychological trauma to a greater or lesser extent during their growth process, but they can also live a happy life with the trauma.

It might be tough at first, but you can still give it a shot even though you're feeling afraid. As you keep at it, you'll start to feel stronger.

Seeking psychological counseling and undergoing a period of professional and systematic psychological counseling can help you gain a better understanding of yourself, learn to accept and like yourself, and is an important path to regain self-esteem and boost self-confidence.

Wishing you the best!

Hello, my name is Zeyu.

The speaker made an interesting point when they said, "Everyone has a best friend, but I don't." It got me thinking: is it true that everyone has a best friend?

Could we perhaps strive to ensure that everyone has a good friend?

It might be helpful to consider that the person the questioner is referring to is not necessarily representative of everyone in their situation. Paying attention to the meaning of the question could help us identify potential areas for improvement and make the problem more specific. This could also help us recognize that not everyone in a similar situation has the same experience. When we can acknowledge this, it might reduce the anxiety and sense of urgency we feel about not having good friends. It's important to remember that there are still many people in reality who have similar experiences as us.

The question inquires about the definition of a good friend and the original intention of seeking such a person, as well as the current circle of friends and the efforts made. However, the result is that we have not yet found this person, which can lead to feelings of confusion and discouragement. It's possible that the question asker feels that they may not be able to find this person. Is this situation currently the most optimal? It's evident that the current situation has not reached a critical point, and we are actively seeking a solution to the problem. In the meantime, it might be helpful to find an excuse for ourselves that can temporarily convince us to let go and accept the current situation. Despite our anxiety, it's important to recognize that we cannot solve the problem on our own. Attempting to do so might only lead to feelings of discomfort and a negative cycle.

With regard to the subject of developing new interests, it might be helpful to consider why we don't make more use of the existing skills we are good at to assist those around us who could benefit from some help. In this context, "surrounding" does not refer to the existing circle of the topic owner, but rather to the fact that we should widen our perspective to include institutions, associations, interest groups, public welfare teams or organisations. There are often corresponding groups that could benefit from our input, and we can contribute our strengths according to our own abilities. While helping others, we can also gain a sense of fulfilment and, in the process, feel supported, accepted and understood. Gradually, we can shift from a group-level approach to an individual-level one. As we continue to help others, we will continue to interact with new groups and individuals, which will directly expand our interpersonal circle and provide us with the opportunity to connect with the ideal person.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to encourage the questioner to relax. After all, we are already taking positive action, so it might help to have more confidence in yourself and be more patient. Let's focus on doing what we can do now.