Why does one partner only share negative emotions and bad things with the other?

Good day, question asker.

My name is Kelly.

In response to your observation that some individuals are inclined to share negative emotions and experiences, I have encountered similar tendencies among individuals from my own social circle, particularly among mothers from previous generations. I believe that these behaviors may be influenced by the family of origin of the individual in question. It is possible that the parents of the individual in question also exhibited these tendencies, and that they may have indirectly influenced the individual's behavior.

Additionally, he tends to be more pessimistic, and he did not receive a considerable amount of positive reinforcement during his upbringing.

The questioner can communicate effectively and make necessary adjustments because interpersonal dynamics can impact mood when individuals are in close proximity on a daily basis. When the other person raises these concerns, it is possible to discuss how you feel when you hear these things.

As an alternative, you could adopt a similar approach and voice your concerns more frequently than he does.

Monitor his responses and assess his emotional state. Then, engage in a dialogue with him to ascertain his feelings.

He perceives the food and scenery in a particular manner, which is related to his capacity to experience. Some individuals may lack the ability to fully appreciate these aspects.

Additionally, the other person may not be in an optimal mood, which could affect their enjoyment of the process. For instance, if you have a positive opinion of the other person but they have different preferences, it might be helpful to understand their other interests.

If this is not the case, you may wish to consider developing some shared interests. For instance, you could involve your partner in your daily activities. You could visit the market together, select the vegetables, purchase the food, and then cook it together. If he has a sense of participation, he may have a different experience and enjoy the process.

If your partner does not discuss salary, as a couple you will experience both positive and negative financial outcomes. If your partner does not mention salary because they do not consider it a priority topic, and they are perhaps reserved, but the fact that they provide you with income demonstrates their commitment to you and your family.

Additionally, provide encouragement and affirmation to one another.

Further information on the subjects of marriage and love can be found here.

There are numerous experienced professionals on Yixinli who can provide valuable insights and guidance.

I wish you the best of success.

Good morning, My name is Jiang 61, and I am a listener who will listen to you attentively.

I am pleased to have been able to answer your question. You inquired as to why one partner tends to share only negative emotions and unfavorable experiences with the other.

"I can tell you are not particularly fond of individuals with this personality type. It seems you are in a relationship with someone who exhibits these traits and is seeking to gain a deeper understanding of them and improve your relationship.

I must commend you on your excellent question. Your desire to develop and nurture your relationship with him is commendable.

However, his daily negative emotions affect your emotions. How should we view his emotions and how should we adjust our emotions?

1. Understand his family of origin.

You have indicated that he tends to express dissatisfaction with a wide range of circumstances and situations. It is likely that this behavior is influenced by the living conditions in his family of origin.

If the parents are inclined to complain, the child will likely adopt this behavior as well, resulting in a tendency to express negative emotions and find fault with most situations.

2. Understand his personality.

In terms of personality, I would posit that your boyfriend is a melancholic type. He is sensitive, strives for perfection, is strict with himself and others, and is serious about everything.

It is also more straightforward to take on the negative emotions of parents. This makes it simpler to focus on issues and to care about other people's problems.

It is therefore unsurprising that he frequently perceives the negative.

3⃣, Positively influence his outlook on life.

We recognized that the boyfriend's negative emotions were influenced by the living conditions and personality of his original family. Can these factors be modified? Undoubtedly, they can, though it will require time.

It is important to remember that nobody wants to be changed. Attempting to change someone is a flawed approach that will inevitably lead to resistance.

However, if you offer him one positive comment per day, he will gradually accept your praise and learn to recognize the strengths of others.

Should he resume judging, avoid saying, "Why do you always look at the negative?" This suggests accusation, so instead discuss the positive aspects of the situation.

From a sentiment perspective, when he deems it appropriate, he will cease viewing matters from an unfavorable standpoint.

I recall that my sister had a tendency to focus on my mother's shortcomings, which often led to negative discussions when we met. After expressing my understanding of my mother's strengths and my approach to her,

I observed that my sister began to identify positive contributions my mother had made and to discuss her feelings. Subsequently, my sister also infrequently referenced my mother's past issues.

For this reason, positive guidance is an effective tool for influencing an individual's attitude towards others and their circumstances.

I appreciate you providing us with a thought-provoking question.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Hello, questioner!

From your description, it seems like you're wondering why your partner only shares bad things and not good things.

In my opinion, this type of partner may have more negative emotions and hide a lot of negative energy in their body. When they get along with their partner, they will pour out their negative energy to their partner. This is actually a manifestation of energy consumption on the other person. If you keep showing your negative energy to your partner, over time, your partner will also be unable to tolerate the influence of negative emotions and choose to leave.

I used to be a person with negative energy. I was so negative that the people around me and my friends all thought I had a lot of negative energy! They didn't want to hang out with me. But later, I realized that negative energy can really affect people. Negative emotions can consume positive energy for oneself, and they can also affect the people around oneself. This person may be a friend, a teacher, a parent, etc. Human energy has a magnetic field. When your energy is negative, it will attract negative people around you, while positive people will choose to leave. So we must maintain positive energy! When others pour out too much negative energy on us, we must learn to refuse and stay away.

Even though we're not responsible for each other's negative emotions, it's still important to recognize when a relationship is no longer positive for you. Negative energy can have a negative influence, so it's essential to be a positive and energetic person! When we bring happiness to ourselves, it's easier to bring happiness to others. And when we do that, others will be more willing to play with us and will like and love us more!

I'm so excited to share my views with you! I really hope they're helpful.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you today regarding a query I have. Thank you in advance for your assistance. Kind regards,

In response to your observation that communication in relationships is often characterized by negative emotions and issues, I concur that many individuals experience distress, distraction, and even sleep disturbances due to their partner's seemingly careless remarks. While external factors such as family dynamics and individual primary or secondary negative energy may play a role, it is important to recognize that these emotions are not immutable. Each emotion is driven by a specific need that is not being met, and addressing these underlying needs can help alleviate the distress associated with them.

It is important to recognise that the ability to identify and accept negative emotions requires a certain degree of perception. Only by perceiving them can we gain an understanding of and acceptance for them.

Sociologist Shen Yifei stated, "Emotions are driven by underlying needs. They are not external forces; they are intrinsic to the individual."

According to the available data, negative emotions can be classified into two main categories: primary and secondary.

"Primary" refers to instances where emotions are already present and brought directly into the relationship. This is a relatively straightforward scenario. By effectively managing your emotions, any negative occurrences outside the relationship will not be carried over, preventing them from affecting your life in the present moment.

"Secondary" refers to emotions that were not present initially but were triggered by an external factor, such as a situation at home or in a relationship. When this occurs, it can be challenging to determine who is at fault in a relationship. Each person may be unintentionally causing the other discomfort. This is often related to the way the two people interact or their personalities, and ultimately stems from the true thoughts or needs of the heart.

Ultimately, regardless of the specific negative emotions involved, it is essential to address and resolve them promptly to prevent adverse effects on personal or professional life.

The following three principles are generally observed:

1) Self-awareness and self-care

In the adult world, the rule is to take responsibility for one's own problems and emotions.

In a marriage or relationship, it is essential for both parties to establish clear boundaries regarding how they interact with each other, maintain their individual autonomy, avoid becoming overly dependent on one another, and define a balance between independence and interdependence that is mutually acceptable. Effective communication is crucial in this regard, particularly in the context of expectations regarding how spouses, parents, and children interact with one another. If these expectations are not clearly defined, it can lead to challenges in maintaining safe boundaries or discomfort with each other's interactions. In such cases, it is essential to set aside personal emotions and wait until a calm state of mind is achieved before engaging in constructive dialogue and negotiation.

Ultimately, it is essential to rely on oneself to manage emotions and maintain a stable state of mind. I highly recommend the book Toxic Emotions.

(2) Developing positive habits or influencing the other party in the relationship to do the same.

It is easier said than done. Regardless of the challenges, if you want to live a happy life, you need to invest time and experience to gain self-understanding, observe others, explore, discover, and seek a common goal of "unity" to achieve true happiness and joy. Don't dwell on past emotions or past unhappiness. Instead, view things from the other person's perspective, appreciate the people and things around you, and give love from the heart to change any situation.

I suggest consulting the following books as references: "The Power of Habit," "Mastering Habits," and "Micro Habits."

3) In the absence of a conflict of perception, emotional issues can be resolved first by calming down and stabilizing the emotions, and then addressing the practical issues.

When two or more individuals have ineffective communication and a lack of rapport, it can result in negative emotions at various levels. If these emotions are not addressed promptly, they can accumulate, leading to increased discomfort and frequent disagreements. It is essential to promptly relieve or resolve each other's emotions. It is crucial to discuss the issues at a practical level, clarify each other's needs, communicate desired actions, and seek common ground while respecting differences. As long as it is not a matter of principle, it can be resolved through negotiation.

It is crucial to be sincere and work hard to manage a match made in heaven in order to achieve a complete victory.

Given the finite nature of life, there is no obstacle too great for us to overcome with mutual tolerance and appreciation. It is imperative that we do not wait until someone has passed away, leaving behind psychological regrets or reluctance, because it will be too late by then! I recommend the book "Conflict" for your reference.

I hope the above responses are helpful to you.

My name is Peiwen, and I am a listener on the Yiyi Psychology platform. I would like to take this opportunity to express my love for the world and for you.

Hello!

I'll give you a hug and help you understand your problem. It has three parts: why this happened, how to fix it, and how to get along.

I'm not sure if you're curious or facing a problem. I'll help you sort it out.

ԅ. Based on your curiosity, I will give you a simple analysis. One party is passive, accepting complaints and trying to cooperate. This is hard work for the receiver but not for the sender. This answers your second question.

One party will probably have an attitude.

When two people are in love, the person who is giving love will find that they have very little energy. The person who is receiving love will probably try to keep the relationship going even though it is draining them.

The receiver is passive and self-comforting, willing to receive and transmit energy. The output party is very negative and self-centered. There are two possibilities: they don't care about you, or they have a personality flaw.

If you've had a similar experience, this isn't a comprehensive solution. You can take action.

If you want to continue to improve the relationship, you can talk to the other person to understand their thoughts. Most people are willing to talk. Then, you can suggest and encourage the other person to make more changes. However, it requires more energy to grow together.

If the other person is unwilling or rejects it, you can end the relationship. Don't waste time and energy. Try to find and correct mistakes.

Best wishes!

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

I can see why this might be a controversial topic! In reality, though, the proportion of people who only bring negative emotions and bad things to their partners is relatively small. We all have seven emotions and six desires, and we have emotions such as happiness, pain, and sadness. So if we have a desire to share and confide in others, we will choose to share both the happy and unhappy things with our partners, not just the negative things.

It's totally normal for couples to only share their negative emotions and not their happy moments. It's like the relationship between a visitor and a counselor. We all know counseling isn't cheap, so people who seek it often have problems that are tough to handle on their own. They need someone to give them some professional guidance.

Let's dive a little deeper into why it seems like only negative emotions are being expressed.

In a couple, we want to share a lot of things with each other. It's a wonderful thing when you find someone you can share everything with! It shows that the relationship is healthy. They also have common topics, so when they see something, they want to share it with their partner, just to let the other person know right away that at this moment, they are thinking of them.

If they're in a relationship but only talk about negative emotions, there are two possible explanations. One is that they feel like talking to their partner, who can empathize with them, understand them, and comfort them, is the right thing to do. They seem to have become used to thinking of their partner whenever they have a bad emotion and want to talk to them first to relieve their emotions. This can also be described as a kind of dependence, a kind of love. When we're negative, we're more vulnerable, and we're willing to let our partner know this side of us. This is love—a kind of love that trusts the other person. However, this kind of love is a bit unfair because it lacks sharing happiness.

It's also possible that the relationship has become a bit dull and the other person is just a listener. Even if they don't respond or don't give you comfort and understanding, they just keep talking because they feel like they need to get it off their chest. Since there's no one else to talk to about the negative emotions, and they're afraid that if they "spill the beans" too much, the negative emotions will cause trouble for the other person, they feel entitled to talk to their partner, which is also an unhealthy way of getting along.

Let's explore some ways to change an incorrect way of getting along.

Before the two became lovers, they didn't have a fixed pattern of getting along. So, why did their pattern of getting along change to only sharing negative emotions and not happiness? Maybe their pattern of getting along wasn't like this at the beginning, but when did it start?

Oh, what on earth could have made it this way?

As the questioner, the poster has some understanding of the situation, even if it's someone else's business. To change this unhealthy pattern of getting along, they may need to realize the impact of this issue themselves. If the poster is the friend of the other party, they can also remind them so that they know. Maybe they are willing to get along in this way, but when the party who often receives negative emotions can't stand it anymore, the relationship may face a different ending.

It's important to remember that sharing and confiding are two different things. From what you've said, it seems like you're only sharing the negative stuff with your partner, but you're not sharing the good news either. Maybe your partner doesn't realize that there's a difference between the two. They might think that as long as they're not feeling down, it won't affect the relationship. But if your partner is struggling, they'll still feel those negative emotions. So, it's important to help them understand that sharing the good stuff is just as important as sharing the bad. You can encourage them to share happy things with you, and they'll be more open to doing so.

It can be really helpful to express your inner thoughts. If the person you're confiding in isn't particularly willing to do so, you can find a suitable opportunity to directly express your thoughts. This way, you can let the other person know that this mode of getting along isn't what you want. Instead of trying to accommodate the other person, if they're too perfunctory when it comes to sharing, you can also directly express that you're not interested in sharing. Or, if you find it boring to participate in your own life, you can say that too!

It's always better to ask questions directly, so you can get answers and decide whether the relationship is worth continuing to invest in. Don't hide your questions in your heart - ask away!

I really hope my answer helps the original poster. I wish them all the best!

Hello, dear questioner!

I'm here to help!

You describe your partner's behavior in the relationship. It seems like the other person always expresses negative emotions.

In a relationship like this, it's hard for one person to enjoy life and themselves fully. It's also easy for them to upset the other person. But relationships are an important part of people's lives, so it's important to try to make them work.

It's so important to make sure that our relationships are as good as they can be.

I'm here to help!

We all have two different attitudes towards life. One is positive, sunny, and beautiful. The other is negative, negative, and unlucky.

From what you've told me, it seems like the other person always focuses on the negative aspects of life. I'm sure there are some good things about your relationship, but it seems like the bad outweighs the good.

And the beautiful and positive, enjoyable parts are few and far between.

I'm here to help!

This obvious imbalance in attitude towards life doesn't always show up in intimate relationships. It's not so much about trying to understand how the other person views intimate relationships, but more about focusing on the other person's self-construction.

In other words, if the other person isn't in an intimate relationship, it's still their attitude towards life.

I'm sorry to say that this is the case.

If the other person never mentions, but rather belittles, things like good food, a successful work day, or praise from the boss, it shows that he is unable to enjoy himself. It's so important to be happy when you should be!

It's also worth noting that focusing too much on bad luck and negative things can throw a person's emotions out of whack. This can lead to withdrawal.

It's a vicious cycle. Unhappy, unable to be happy, and unhappy again. In the long run, he will inevitably need an outlet.

And intimate relationships are the most open and vulnerable, and they can sometimes become negative outlets.

The above is the analysis given by the respondent, who was kind enough to share it with us.

Hello!

I'm a heart coach, and I believe learning is the key to success.

From what you've said, I can tell you're struggling with some doubts and confusion, and you're keen to get to the bottom of it.

You're upset because you don't understand why some partners only share negative emotions and bad things. I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty here, but I'll try to help you understand the reasons for this.

One reason some people only share negative emotions and bad things in a relationship is because they feel they need understanding and support at that time.

People only share their negative emotions and bad things in a relationship when they're uncomfortable or having a bad time. This is probably because they're used to communicating or getting along with others that way. They complain and pour out their hearts to their partners in order to get help.

Second, they tend to focus on the negative, probably because that's how they've always communicated with others.

It's probably related to how they were brought up by their parents.

Maybe their parents were always complaining or only sharing the bad news with their family, so they learned that way of life—focusing only on the bad things.

Third, they rarely mention positive and happy things. They're reluctant to mention recognition and praise from their leaders, work that went well, and salary increases. It may be that they feel such good things are not long-lasting, and they worry that if they talk about it, it will seem like they're being proud, and pride will make people fall behind.

Of course, this way of thinking may also be related to how their parents raised them. They may have received a pretty strict upbringing, with little encouragement or recognition. Even when they did well, their parents rarely praised them, but instead told them not to be proud and that their achievements were nothing to brag about. As a result, they rarely paid attention to the good things and rarely approved of themselves.

They may also have a negative attitude towards intimate relationships. Even if the relationship is good and their partner treats them well, they may still feel that it is just so-so because they are always used to looking at their partner with a critical and harsh eye (or maybe they are afraid to praise and recognize their partner, so that their partner will become proud, and at the same time, they may put themselves in a low position, so they also rarely say what they feel warm and loving towards their partner). And in this relationship, because no one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect, it is naturally very easy for them to find the bad things and the negative things.

Dealing with such a partner can be exhausting and depressing, because they rarely talk about happiness and rarely give each other recognition.

In addition to patience, I think that if you want to get along well with such people, you also need to help them change their way of thinking.

First, try to help them see the bright side when they're only focusing on the negative.

Second, help them experience more positive and happy feelings, while also recognizing them more (they may secretly feel that they are not worthy of or not good enough for positive and happy things). This way, they may be able to view themselves and others in a positive light, and gradually change their way of thinking.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, just click "Find a coach for interpretation – online conversation" at the bottom and we can chat one-on-one.

The issue raised by the questioner is highly illustrative and not exclusive to a small group of individuals. These individuals tend to exhibit a personality that is somewhat demanding.

This type of person tends to be self-centered when dealing with things. They always hope that others can provide a great deal of emotional support and psychological pleasure.

In addition to this phenomenon caused by the demanding personality, there are ulterior motives as well. These individuals seek to portray themselves as a vulnerable group, fully demonstrating to others the grievances and difficulties they have encountered. This is done in order to gain more sympathy and comfort.

Let us examine the underlying causes of this mentality and explore potential solutions.

1. The psychology of only sharing negative emotions.

They seek to elicit sympathy and comfort from their partner.

It is inevitable that we will encounter situations in our professional and personal lives that we do not like. When we do not have a partner to turn to, we have to deal with these challenges on our own. However, when we have a partner, we hope that they will provide us with comfort and support in effectively solving and dealing with these problems.

It is therefore evident that a significant proportion of individuals are content to share their negative emotions with their partners.

As you stated, some individuals in a relationship or marriage tend to focus on negative emotions and challenges, while rarely discussing positive experiences. For instance, they may frequently express discontent about various workplace issues, personal setbacks, or logistical inconveniences.

As their objective is to receive comfort, they will not mention the things that make them happy at the same time. Otherwise, it will inevitably reduce their vulnerable and helpless position in the other person's eyes.

Based on this mentality, they will not share positive and negative information simultaneously.

2. Utilize a vulnerable attitude to gain more love.

It is not uncommon for individuals in a relationship to hope that their partner loves them very much. This often results in a subconscious tendency to position themselves in a disadvantaged position.

The underlying message is that the individual in question perceives themselves to be weak, helpless, and pitiful, and that the other party is expected to demonstrate greater love and care.

It is notable that there are more women than men in this situation, and that the psychology of different genders may vary.

Women often position themselves as the disadvantaged party in a relationship, seeking care and love from their partner. This is often coupled with a degree of coquetry.

If the male partner also behaves in this way, it indicates a lack of willingness to make significant compromises in the relationship. His personality is more inclined towards taking.

Demonstrating vulnerability is a means of fostering understanding and relaxation on the part of the other party with regard to your circumstances.

Once the aforementioned issues have been clarified, it is my belief that you will be able to gain a deeper understanding of the psychological state of this particular type of partner. We will now proceed to discuss how you can adjust your mindset and navigate your romantic relationship with this individual, should you wish to avoid breaking up with them.

Please clarify.

1. Provide the other party with the psychological satisfaction they require.

Even if the other person has an entitlement personality and deliberately exaggerates the misfortunes they have encountered, it is not a significant issue if they are not particularly extreme. You can align with their line of thinking.

Provide additional reassurance. Offer the spiritual comfort and satisfaction he desires, which will also help strengthen the relationship.

Do not engage with the other person's attempts to manipulate you.

If the other party uses negative emotions as an excuse to demand gifts or behaves in an overbearing or willful manner, there are numerous ways to inform them that these tactics will not be effective.

This approach avoids direct conflict with the other party. By ignoring the other party, you can convey that their actions are ineffective.

Over time, the other party will cease this practice of exclusively sharing negative emotions.

3. Provide corrective guidance and communication.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are consistently engaged in disagreements with your colleague due to their tendency to share negative emotions, it is essential to communicate with them effectively to resolve the underlying issues.

It is important to provide the other person with guidance on how to adopt a more positive outlook on life, values, and world view. It is essential to ensure that they are aware that it is not beneficial to focus solely on the negative aspects of life.

Discuss with him the factors in his life that contribute to his happiness. Make it clear that you do not wish to be a mere receptacle for his negative energy. Your objective is to be a partner in his life, and to gain a full understanding of him, including his positive attributes.

Please advise.

In summary, if you find yourself in a situation with this kind of partner, it is advisable to take a step back, assess the situation, and determine the best way to communicate with them in order to facilitate a change in their behavior.

If the other party is unable or unwilling to change, it may be necessary to consider whether the relationship can continue. If the answer is no, it may be time to end the relationship.

It should be noted, however, that an individual who exclusively conveys negative emotions is undoubtedly exhibiting selfish and self-centered tendencies. It is still important to gain a comprehensive understanding of the person as a whole.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the reason behind his feelings and explore the possibility of modifying them through communication. Once this has been done, a coping strategy can be adopted.

I hope you can resolve your issues promptly and establish a harmonious relationship.