Will I be influenced by them? I don't want to become like my family. What should I do?

Before seeing the questioner's question, there was always something that bothered me—

When I ask for help from the counselor, she will carefully summarize what I have said and asked, and then ask me, "Is that what happened?"

I feel so fired up about it!

Even though I feel that this is very bad, very rude, and without a conscience, I just can't help it!

It wasn't until I saw the questioner's question that I understood! No matter how great the pain, when summed up in a few words, it reveals four words: "It's nothing."

Life is a bowl of porridge, and suffering is a handful of sand.

In terms of quantity alone, the sand is only a small part of the porridge. But it is this small part of sand that makes every mouthful of porridge an adventure!

But here's the thing: we can't skim the sand from the bowl because that would also skim the porridge's few nutrients.

Dad doesn't care about his children, but he's still better than no dad!

My mother has a bad temper, but she is more reliable than my father!

My sister has an average job, and it's a great one! It's so much better than being unemployed.

Her boyfriend may be ugly and poor, but that doesn't matter! She can still get married.

At last, my sister made the bold decision to break the "make do" spell and choose not to marry.

Maybe my sister doesn't want to marry for a better life—and that's okay!

Maybe, just like you, she's afraid of becoming like her parents.

I absolutely think my sister is right!

If she wants to avoid repeating the pain of her original family, she has the chance to be brave and let go of the hot congee with sand in her hands, go it alone, and challenge an uncertain future!

Hello, question asker! It may seem like people only read a few lines, but there's so much more to it. I am reminded of Cao Xueqin's enduring words, "Everyone says the author is crazy, who understands the taste of it?"

The message is very informative, so I'd love to accompany you and chat about these things in more detail!

1. You mentioned that your parents did not get along well, and that your mother often accused your father.

In the living environment, hearing too many accusations can cause a negative emotional accumulation in the family. The person speaking is venting emotions, but that doesn't mean they're happy about it.

So the four family members are actually suffering a lot, but there's hope!

Mom blames dad. I wonder if she's ready to embrace self-awareness and change herself, which can bring vitality to the family, because she's eager to change her husband.

2. Due to layoffs, my sister may have encountered a major obstacle at work. Using this as an excuse to pin her hopes on marriage seems like an option, but she doesn't see what she's giving up.

The social environment is such that women have the amazing opportunity to find their own piece of the sky! Starting a family is based on maintaining oneself, being willing to love another person, and also being loved at the same time.

Embrace your own space! It's a great way to avoid major emotional upheavals. And who doesn't want to avoid that?

3. Mom's expectations for her daughter's marriage are totally reasonable! Listen to your daughter's thoughts and be tolerant when she needs respect.

3. Mom's expectations for her daughter's marriage are totally reasonable! She just needs to listen to her daughter's thoughts and be tolerant when her daughter needs respect.

Instead, use your own heart to guide you in this journey! Don't let the opinions of others influence your decision to get married or to congratulate you.

4. What happened in the family is irreversible. But you know what? It may weigh on people's minds, but it doesn't have to define you!

4. What happened in the family is irreversible. And it may make people feel depressed. But there is hope!

And the best part is, what you pour out will be understood by someone who is empathetic!

Love is the privilege of the brave. Are you ready to be brave? If you're feeling pressure from public opinion, ask yourself: What kind of life do I want?

Love is the privilege of the brave. Are you ready to be brave? If you're feeling pressure from public opinion, ask yourself: What kind of life do I want?

What am I doing to make it happen?

I highly recommend watching the movies Brooklyn and Little Women back to back. The family does have a certain influence on people, but if you feel that this influence is causing you pain and you don't want to continue suffering, please take some time for yourself. Open up your awareness and you may just wake up to a new way of thinking!

I highly recommend watching the movies Brooklyn and Little Women back-to-back. Family does have an impact on people, but if you feel that this impact is causing you pain and you don't want to continue suffering, I have the perfect solution for you! Spend some time alone with yourself, so that you can open your mind. When you wake up, you may realize that you are finally willing to be someone who loves themselves!

Hello, question asker!

In your story, you mostly talk about your sister's recent experiences with love and marriage. This dynamic between your mother and sister makes you feel like you don't have a say and you even start to worry that you'll end up like your parents. Is this true?

I've been reading the book "Parenting Your Inner Child" recently, and I'd like to combine its content with my own experiences to see what we can discover.

My parents didn't have a great relationship, and I was close to my sister from an early age, so I would tell her everything.

My sister had planned to marry her boyfriend, but she wasn't very determined. After feeling the pressure, she broke up with him, and my mother was pretty angry and said that she had never given birth to my sister.

From what we can see, you have a great relationship with your sister. She might even be your role model and the person you turn to for support. So when your sister's romantic relationships don't go well, especially when she gets this kind of response from her mother, you feel sad and even afraid that you won't be able to control your own life.

It's important to understand the underlying needs that drive our choices.

In terms of having control over your own life, the first thing to understand is that everyone is an independent person. There's a reason behind every decision we make.

Although your mom seems to be the image of someone who complains a lot, do you know what need is satisfied by complaining? It's the need to maintain a sense of value. When you think others are bad and you are good, complaining is an easy way to do that.

It's important to have a sense of value because a lack of it can lead to other problems.

There's no such thing as good or bad when it comes to needs. We just need to meet them and respond to them. What often makes us feel ashamed and unable to face and accept is that the way and method we respond to and meet our inner needs is inappropriate. This has caused a certain degree of harm to ourselves and others. As long as we can try to find a better and appropriate way and method to respond to our needs, our needs will better stimulate our life energy. Then, in terms of satisfying the need for a sense of self-worth, the better choice is actually to do something positive.

By staying aware and learning more, we can help ourselves see better choices.

Even if we grew up in a family like that and were influenced by our parents to a greater or lesser extent, for example in terms of thinking and perception, the underlying logic is basically the same: to see what we need and try to find better and more appropriate ways and means to respond to our needs, so that we can learn to love ourselves better and feel the meaning of life.

>> Freedom and security

Freedom and security are our most basic needs. We can decide what we want to do, which is freedom of choice. Secondly, the results of our choices are safe and don't threaten our lives, which is a sense of security.

However, not everyone's childhood sense of freedom and security can be fulfilled. Maybe our nurturers themselves are also relatively insecure and lack a sense of freedom, so they don't know how to give their children a better education. This was pretty common in the era of our parents and grandparents, and on a larger scale, it's also part of the social culture.

Even so, as adults, we still have the chance to understand ourselves and change ourselves. Whenever we make a big decision, we should ask ourselves, "Why am I making this choice?"

Am I making this choice because I really want to, or because I'm afraid? Are there other options?

The book goes into more detail about different ways of dealing with insecurity, and I really recommend reading it!

I'm Kaka T., the camera-loving one. Thanks for reading, and have a great day!

Hello. It's clear from your description that something bothersome is happening in your family, and you're unsure how to deal with it. Meeting a mother who behaves this way puts her daughter in a difficult position.

Before we discuss the issue, I'd like to give you a big hug to show you I'm here for you.

You feel at a loss because these people are your relatives and you have deep feelings for them. You don't know whose side you should be on or who you should support more. You hope they can all change and get along with each other. You just haven't found a good way to make them change yet.

Let me be clear: changing someone is the most difficult thing in the world. It's the hardest thing to do. As the saying goes, "You can't wake someone up who is pretending to sleep." People want others to treat them according to their wishes. But this will inevitably lead to disappointment because people don't always think the same way.

In family relationships, maintaining a good mood and your own stability is the most important thing. Leave your parents' relationship to them to deal with. My sister can properly resolve the conflict between her and my mother.

You can express your views and opinions to them, make suggestions, and respect their decisions.

? In addition, your concerns are justified. As you stated, "Will I become like this in the future?"

In the future, you need to communicate with your mother in advance and ask her to respect your choices and decisions. Don't do the same things to your sister. At the same time, pay attention to your attitude and approach when communicating with your mother.

This is just my opinion, but it's worth considering. Take care of yourself.

Hello!

Will they influence me and make me negative?

If you are influenced by your parents when you are a child, it is difficult to escape their influence when you become an adult. However, you can take control of your life and become the person you want to be.

My mother is strong-willed, while my father is passive. They argue a lot, but they never back down. My mother transfers her negative emotions to her life and her children. When faced with my sister's decision to get married, she jumped in without verifying the situation first. Perhaps my mother had her own concerns, but her actions crossed the line.

My sister is more in control of her emotions than her mother. She doesn't make rash decisions. She doesn't resent her mother for breaking up the group. If the influence of the original family is very serious, I believe my sister is the one who has been most affected. However, my sister is independent and self-reliant.

A family can't always stay the same. Even if you come from a bad family, you can still become the person you want to be.

1. Seeing the influence of the "original family."

We say that "seeing is healing," which is more applicable to the original family because they are the most familiar and closest to each other. It is easy to blur the understanding of the problem. If you feel controlled, manipulated, or not accepted by your original family, you will have guilt, anxiety, or fear. You can only recognize the connection between your original family and your feelings when you recognize these feelings.

2. Break free from the influence of the original family.

Children who are manipulated by their families always feel that they cannot truly express themselves and long for their parents' approval. This is because their parents cannot give them what they need. The more they are unable to get approval, the more distorted and complicated the relationship between the child and the parents becomes. They "love and hate" each other. Only when a person has truly achieved self-reliance can they view the connection between the influence of their family of origin on them and their own behavior. Eventually, they can break away from this unhealthy connection.

3. Complete your own work and set clear boundaries.

People who have truly become independent will no longer blame themselves for the past. They will take responsibility for their actions. The person who needs to pay for the parents' mistakes should be the parents, not the children. And the child's forgiveness of the parents should not be based on punishment. It's like two people on a balance line. They interfere with each other because of mistakes. To get back on track, they have to give up and stop struggling together.

Best wishes! I hope you're well.

Hello, my dear friend! I'll give you a big, warm hug!

I'm happy to answer your question in the title: Are you influenced by your family? Absolutely!

So, will you become like your family? It's hard to say, but I really don't think you will.

You already sense that your mother's approach is not very appropriate, and you're probably trying hard to avoid being like her. It's important to be careful, though, and not fall into opposition.

It's like a messy mother who ends up raising a clean freak child. This is the child expressing approval of the mother in a different way. In psychoanalysis, this is a reverse formation, a defense mechanism.

It's so important to remember that our family of origin can only represent our past, not our future. And if you're ready to move on from the challenges of your family of origin, it will take a lot of effort.

One of the biggest challenges we can face is when parents try to blackmail their children with their expectations. It can feel like your mom is blaming you for your sister's existence!

I can see how this could be a form of abandonment for your sister. It's possible she feels like she hasn't met her mother's expectations or that she isn't being as filial as she could be.

This is why it can be so hard to say no to our parents, and also why some parents can end up controlling their children in a way that feels like kidnapping.

After all, in Chinese culture, parents are seen as perfect, and children are taught to respect that. It's a general social expectation that children view their parents as their parents, no matter what. Unless you have a strong psychological constitution, it can be challenging to care about what others say.

As for you, it might be helpful to take a closer look at your family and your relationship with them. It's important to remember that parents are human too, and they make mistakes just like we all do. They're not perfect, and they might not always want their children to be happy.

In short, try not to put your parents on a pedestal. They're just ordinary people, like you and me.

Another thing I'd say is, don't expect your parents to change. I always say that you should give up on them as soon as possible, but I know it's hard!

I know it can be hard, but try not to fantasize that your parents will change. They probably haven't changed much after spending most of their lives, and that's okay!

The most important thing is how you can turn a bad hand into a winning hand. Remember, our family of origin can't define us — only we can do that.

Take a look at the situation you're in right now and think about how you can change for the better. Don't let your family define you! For instance, you could try studying hard and earning as much money as you can.

It might sound a little cheesy, but money really does give you courage!

I'm a counselor who gets down sometimes, but I also have moments where I feel really good and motivated. I love you all so much!

Hello, my dear host!

And it's so important to understand the landlord's current feelings, and that they are also a child deeply affected by their original family.

It's totally normal for most of us adults to be influenced by our original families.

It's so important to feel loved and cared for by our family. When we don't get enough of that from our family of origin, it can really affect us.

Even after we grow up, our hearts can still feel vulnerable and experience feelings of inferiority.

So we have to learn to heal the child within ourselves, my dear friends.

It's so important to remember not to feel inferior, to see ourselves as we really are, and to learn to bravely pursue our own happiness.

Our original family is the place where we grew up, and we all know how important that is!

We can't change our family of origin or our parents, but that's okay!

We can't change our family of origin or our parents, but the good news is that we can change ourselves!

And guess what? The kind of people we'll meet in the future will depend on the kind of people we've become!

If you've always lived in the shadow of your original family, with low self-esteem and a sensitive heart,

It's totally normal to attract the opposite sex who treats you a little better. It might even feel like your destiny!

Guess what? A good relationship will magically appear when you feel good about yourself!

You know, you just become a better person, and you'll meet a better other person!

The host doesn't need to worry too much that they'll become like that person because of the negative energy of their family of origin.

If you see these negative things, it's a good sign that you're becoming aware of them.

Once you become aware of it, you have the opportunity to avoid these problems. Even if you can't avoid them, you will occasionally feel negative emotions and become depressed. It's okay to feel this way. You are not alone.

It's so important to remind yourself of this, and to be aware of your emotions. Try to slowly relieve them, and you'll be fine!

Our parents gave us life, but our lives are our own.

In terms of personality and habits, there might be a little bit of influence, but they're not exactly the same.

You are wonderful just the way you are, so just be yourself!

I totally get it. I can imagine how you, as a younger sister, might worry about your sister.

My sister will also make the choice she thinks is best for her, based on what she needs at the time.

No matter what choice my sister makes, I know it's for her own happiness.

I wish you a very happy life!

I'm Warm June, and I just want to say that I love you, the world, and you!