A bit of obsessive thinking: I find it annoying when my schoolmate at the same desk crosses the line. What should I do?

I'm so excited to introduce you all to the original poster!

I'm Kelly, and I'm a heart exploration coach!

Regarding the original poster's comment, between classmates at school, things happen between desks and end up on your desk – and that's totally normal!

At times like these, you feel annoyed. But don't worry! These things happen.

It's because you've been influenced by your classmates. And you know what? That's a good thing! These things are small, but they affect you every day. So, here's my personal advice:

1: You are all classmates! Communicate with each other honestly and tell each other how you feel.

2: Express your thoughts through communication! And remember, the next time you encounter something that makes you uncomfortable, communicate about it and deal with it.

3: Friends, classmates, and family members all need boundaries. Things may seem small, but if you don't solve the problem, it will still bother you and affect you. This is the process of learning about boundaries, and it's an exciting one!

4: Embrace it! These things are inevitable among classmates. Be calm and let nature take its course.

Don't get too caught up in it! Don't let it get you down! Focus on your studies and you'll be fine!

Every time, I can't help but check to see if I've overstepped the line. I can't concentrate in class, and I feel suffocated.

The questioner is aware that they have obsessive thoughts. Every time they can't help but look, they find it challenging to concentrate in class, and they "force" themselves to look. There is a fascinating coexistence of "forcing" and "anti-forcing." They can't concentrate, and they "force" themselves again and again. In fact, you know deep down that this is not rational, but there is no way to stop.

We mentioned earlier that letting things take their course, Morita therapy, cognitive therapy, and other methods of treating obsessive-compulsive disorder are ultimately all the same treatment: "wu wei therapy" (the idea of letting things take their course). This is great news! It means that you can treat the appearance of all symptoms with an equal mind, without criticism, judgment, analysis, association, obsession, disgust, or craving.

And there's more! You can also explore your own psychological factors.

For example, if your classmate "intimidates" you, it could be a great opportunity to explore your own psychological factors! Do you subconsciously feel insecure?

Are you afraid to say it because you feel that the matter is trivial, because you have a low self-worth (or inferiority) complex? Let's find out together!

What are you afraid of saying? Or are you not allowed to? Let's find out!

Are you aware of yourself? Do you feel fear if you speak up?

And what did you think about trying to control the outcome, but not being in control?

Has anyone ever "controlled" you like this during your upbringing? It would be so interesting to hear your experiences!

Are you looking for certainty in many things?

Guess what! I was given the hint of perfectionism since childhood.

I'd love to give you an example!

During my upbringing, my mother always said that the house had to be clean and free of dust, otherwise we would get sick.

After I got married, I spent a lot of time cleaning every day. I was so excited to keep our house spick and span! Cleaning the house seemed to bring me a sense of security, which made me feel better.

Later, she cleaned three or four times a day, and would not allow her husband to soil anything. She was so dedicated to keeping the house spick and span that she worried she might catch an infectious disease if anything was even slightly unclean.

It seemed like a trivial matter to clean up, but it became so serious that if I didn't clean up every day, I felt like I was living in a pile of germs.

Every day, hygiene issues affect the relationship between husband and wife and lead to arguments—and there's so much we can learn from that!

Later, I made an amazing discovery: my current habits are related to my early parenting process!

My mother was a stickler for perfectionism. When we were young, she always demanded and forced my sisters and me to clean every day. She said the same thing over and over again every day, and slowly these things became habits that were reinforced.

Later, with the help of a counselor, I made an incredible discovery! The root cause of this matter was closely related to my early experiences.

I gradually stopped worrying about hygiene.

Guess what! You can even allow yourself not to clean, and there is no bacterial infection, and the consequences are not as serious as your mother said.

That is the "doing nothing" we mentioned earlier, and it's a great way to live!

I have also gradually changed my mindset for the better! For example, I don't force myself to clean; I just do it when I feel like it, happily and cheerfully.

I encourage the questioner to try my suggestion!

Way to go!

Hello,

Your classmate always crosses the line and makes you feel uncomfortable. You don't know how to speak up, and you are always worried. I understand how you feel.

Your classmate often puts their hand on the table and your desk. This may be an infringement of your personal space, which makes you uncomfortable. This is a normal reaction. Everyone would react the same way.

If you don't know how to bring it up, it's probably because you think it's a trivial matter. I can understand how you feel.

How to solve it:

[1] First, tell them how you feel. Then, tell them what you need. When they do it again, tell them without emotion: I don't like your behavior. Don't do it again.

When you express your needs, you're almost there. If your tablemate doesn't change, he may try to provoke you. In this situation, we can tell the other person firmly not to violate our boundaries again.

[2] You have these thoughts because you're worried about how this will affect you or your classmate. We all care about what others think. If we ignore this behavior, it will make our thoughts worse.

[3] If you express your needs and communicate without emotion, a reasonable person will correct this behavior. If not, tell them you hope they respect your boundaries and tempers. This approach will make them back down.

To maintain boundaries and not let others violate them, we must express ourselves bravely and stick to our principles.

Hope this inspires you.