Hello, question asker! I'm your answerer, Enoch, and I'm excited to help you!
It's so great to see that the questioner wants to be close to her mother and receive her love because of the pressure of studying! But instead, she was criticized by her mother. I want to give her a hug!
It's so important to learn how to love! Unfortunately, many of us don't know how to love others or ourselves because our family members haven't taught us how to love.
The questioner shared his experience of depression and his previous practice of self-harm, which may be related to his parents' attitude towards him. As a child, he did not yet have the ability to adapt to life, so he needed more parental care and help to learn to be independent and grow up. However, many parents lack the patience and ability to care for others, and they pass on their negative energy to their children, making them feel all kinds of verbal and physical violence. The children then learn to treat themselves in this way, so not only do they not love themselves, they also learn to hurt themselves. But there's hope! The questioner is aware of his experience and is working to make positive changes. He is open to learning new ways of thinking and behaving. He is ready to take charge of his life and become the best version of himself.
The questioner is still positive and optimistic. She may have encountered setbacks with her mother, but she still has the chance to find other ways to provide herself with energy. This awakening is very good!
It's time for the questioner to learn to love himself! He may currently be subject to certain limitations, but that doesn't mean he can't do things he wants to do. With the support of his parents, he can nourish his soul by reading good books, like world classics. He can also chat with friendly, motivated students to gain new learning ideas and lifestyles. By drawing on the strengths of others, he'll become even better!
In short, the questioner needs to learn to love and warm themselves — and they can do it!


Comments
I can understand how deeply hurt and frustrated you feel right now. It's really tough when the people we rely on seem to close their doors to us. Maybe it's time to find a way to express your feelings in a healthier manner, like writing or talking to someone else who can offer support.
It sounds like you're carrying a heavy burden, and it's completely valid to seek comfort from your mom. Sometimes parents don't react the way we hope, but that doesn't mean they don't care. Perhaps once she calms down, you could try having another conversation with her, explaining how much her support means to you.
You've been through so much already, and you've shown incredible strength by not giving into those dark thoughts despite everything. Focusing on small, achievable goals might help you regain some control and positivity. Remember, it's okay to ask for help, whether it's from friends, teachers, or professionals.
Your desire to excel is commendable, but it's important to take care of your mental health too. Maybe setting aside a little time each day for something you enjoy could make a difference. Even if it's just a short break, it might help you recharge and face your studies with renewed vigor.
Feeling empty and disconnected can be overwhelming, especially when you're used to a busy schedule. Consider reaching out to a counselor or therapist again. They can provide you with strategies to cope with these intense emotions and guide you towards healing. Your worth isn't measured by grades alone; you're valuable just as you are.