Aversion to rejecting others, perfectionism, what is mindfulness therapy, and how to practice it?

Question Owner

Hello! It's a pleasure meeting you on the Yi Xinli platform.

I have carefully read your story and understand your obsession. Let me be clear: deep down, you don't want

Do you want others to think badly of you, but secretly hope they will?

In other words, you need to ask yourself how he feels about you.

I want to know why you think this way.

You also mentioned that you are a perfectionist. I'd like to know why.

You are a perfectionist.

The study of perfectionism can be traced back to Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology.

The school founder, Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, was convinced that the pursuit of

Perfection is the purest and most essential motivation. There are different orientations in the motivation to pursue perfection.

These four lifestyles are: dominating and acquiring.

types, avoidant types, and social types. The social type represents a healthy lifestyle that appropriately channels the motivation to pursue perfection for the benefit of society.

Apart from a healthy lifestyle that is well-oriented towards benefiting society, there are other motives.

His three ways of life indisputably indicate that the individual has a psychological disorder.

Perfectionists demand perfection, are detail-oriented, stubborn, and inflexible. They have a strong sense of superiority towards others and believe that their intellectual and moral standards are higher than those of others.

He is confident in his superiority and believes wholeheartedly in the absolute reliability of his intellectual and moral standards.

This type of individual is convinced that humans operate according to absolutely reliable mechanisms of fairness and self-image.

The perfectionist has another name, but no one knows what it is.

There is another name for this type of person that not everyone knows. It is perfectionist.

This is an inferiority complex. It's always paying attention to trivial matters, but there's no way to be perfect.

When they are beautiful, the more successful they are, the more pressure they feel, and they will deny themselves and have no self-worth.

I am valuable. He wants everyone to like him. He cares about his image.

You care too much about the details and you can't accept that others hate you. I guess you

That's how it should be. You can't accept the reality that other people hate you, but

Who really hates you? Who really likes you? It's just fear.

It's simple. Being hated is because the inner self cannot accept the true self.

You must live in your own imagination, imagining the perfect self.

You must accept the real you. Everyone is unique.

You are the only one who can hear the voice inside you, learn to talk to yourself, and love.

If you don't know how to love yourself, you will expect others to love you. Focus on yourself.

When you focus your energy on others, you will be cautious and watch their faces, worrying about

You must love yourself. Loving yourself will not give rise to the mentality of gaining and losing.

Let's get back to the topic at hand. As I see it, mindfulness therapy is currently the most common psychological therapy.

It is a form of stress reduction with mindfulness at its core.

The style is group therapy. The psychotherapist guides the patient.

You must accept yourself, which means accepting the real you inside.

The term "mindfulness" comes from Buddhist meditation practices such as sitting meditation, mindfulness meditation, and insight meditation.

It is a method of self-regulation that involves purposeful and conscious awareness of the present moment, developed from meditation, contemplation, and enlightenment.

Don't judge or analyze anything. Just pay attention.

Be aware of it.

Meditate. The Yi Xin platform has bedtime meditation exercises.

It's affordable.

Before the training, prepare a clean blanket or tidy up the bed, find a

Lie on your back in a quiet environment with your hands flat on both sides of your body.

Place your feet slightly apart, stretch outwards, and after adjusting your body, slowly close your eyes.

Focus on your breathing, clear your mind of distractions, and practice for 10 minutes.

Feel the sensations in your body as they are. The air is coming out of your nose, and your stomach is rising together.

You will feel a wave.

Read the books The Courage to Be Disliked and The Power of Self-Care.

You need to accept your true self.

My answer will enlighten you and help you wake up.

People are stubborn, so you must listen and learn more, and persuade yourself to let go.

You must let go of your prejudice. You are stubborn.

You will accept your true self. I am monarchess, and I care about you!

And I care about you!

Hello!

I understand.

I understand your feelings and state of mind. The questioner is cautious and careful, probably a bit of a people pleaser. You must have encountered situations where you wanted to say no but couldn't. Let's take a look:

"I'm a perfectionist and afraid to say no."

The questioner knows why he's suffering but isn't sure what to do.

The questioner knows why he's suffering but isn't sure what to do.

Accept yourself.

Be imperfect. Life has ups and downs. Nobody's perfect, and you're no exception.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself or blame yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses.

Say no.

Say no.

It's hard to say no. You worry it'll make others dislike you. But you can't please everyone.

It's hard to say no because you feel like you're rejecting people. But you can't please everyone.

It's hard to say no because you feel like you're rejecting others. But you have to understand that not everyone likes you.

If someone likes you, they won't stop liking you just because you rejected them.

Be yourself, say no when you need to, and do it politely.

You often spend time with people who reject you.

It's like the example where a friend can ignore a vendor, but you can't. It may feel hard at first.

You will get used to it.

Mindfulness therapy

It's similar to meditation. You focus on something in the present, like your breathing or muscles.

The questioner can try similar methods.

Yoga helps you focus. If you practice it more, you'll notice things more. For example, if you encounter a salesman's sales pitch, you'll be less embarrassed.

Mindfulness and meditation relax the body and mind. They help you accept your imperfect self and stop pursuing perfection.

But in the end, what's best for you is what matters. You can also try new interests and hobbies.

I hope my answer helps. Best wishes!

I hope my answer helps. Best wishes!

Dear questioner,

I'm Sunshine, and I'm grateful to have met you at Yixinli. From what I can see, the questioner is really aware of themselves.

From the questioner's request for help: "I can't say no to others, perfectionism, what is mindfulness therapy, and how does it work?"

It seems like the two main things the questioner wants to know right now are: first, how to say no to someone; and second, how to learn about mindfulness therapy and how to do it.

In response to the above questions, I'd like to share my views and thoughts for your reference.

Given the specific situation of the questioner, you might want to try dealing with it like this:

First, let's talk about people who are afraid to say no and are perfectionists.

1. First, accept your own perfectionism and your fear of saying no to others. We all have a tendency towards perfectionism to varying degrees. Being afraid to say no to others is closely related to our past experiences, etc. If you want to explore the reasons in depth, you can do some research.

2. The key is to accept ourselves, including our imperfections. We can accept both our strengths and weaknesses and then start to learn to accept and appreciate ourselves. We can even put our "permitted appearance" into practice. For example, we can start by practicing being a 70-point version of ourselves and gradually expand the scope of what we allow ourselves to be. Both the good and the bad are part of the whole.

3. Practice saying "no." In the past, we never refused others because we were afraid of losing the relationship or had expectations of the other person. We try to start from our own hearts and express what we are thinking. It may be difficult at first, but as long as we do it for the first time, we'll gradually get better at it.

Next, let's look at how mindfulness therapy works.

1. First, let's take a look at what mindfulness is all about.

The term "mindfulness" originally came from the Buddhist Eightfold Path, which is a Buddhist practice that emphasizes being aware of the present moment without judging it. It's one of the main methods of Buddhist meditation.

In simple terms, mindfulness is about being aware of the present moment. It means that our thoughts are always focused on the here and now. In other words, it's about living in the moment.

2. "Mindfulness therapy" is a catch-all term for different psychological therapies that all have "mindfulness" at their core.

The more mature mindfulness therapies currently include mindfulness-based stress reduction, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy.

3. There are lots of different ways to practice mindfulness meditation, like counting breaths, observing your thoughts, walking meditation, body scanning, and so on. Some of these are more common than others. Mindfulness therapy is another way to think about it—it's about being aware of the present moment.

The guiding words for mindfulness practice are pretty straightforward, but it's not always easy to put them into practice. This is because the requirements of these meditations often challenge our modern thinking and behavior patterns, and it is these patterns that lead to our psychological and emotional problems. Therefore, for people in the media age, it is beyond imagination to let the mind rest in the present.

4. When we start to learn mindfulness, as long as we are willing to try and have enough patience to persevere, we can practice it anytime, anywhere. For example, we can practice mindfulness while eating, while eating raisins, while drinking tea, and so on. These mindfulness practices can be found everywhere, and if we persevere, we will definitely reap the rewards. I also wrote an article called "Walking meditation: A single thought can change the world – My story of change" after practicing mindfulness walking. If you are interested, you can read it.

The above is my take on the questioner's two questions. I hope it'll be helpful to the questioner and inspire them in some way. I also hope it'll help them to be mindful at all times and focus on the present, so they can live a wonderful life!

Best,

I'm here to brighten your day! ?

Hello there, dear poster!

I'm so happy we can chat about this together!

If you feel a bit conflicted when it comes to rejecting others, there's no need to rush to resolve this behavior. Instead, take some time to explore what kind of relationship you truly want with other people and what personal image you want to create for yourself.

So, if turning away from the feelings and thoughts that others give you and the way you see yourself is a bad thing, then changing your behavior on its own won't last long. You might find yourself going back to your old ways again.

And then, it might be helpful to go back to the root of the problem.

The respondent shared that they have a hard time saying no and being perfect.

There are some common or specific reasons behind the two types of behavior labels, actually.

1. We all want to be all-powerful and good, and this omnipotent narcissism gives us the desire to be omnipotent.

You're like Superman! You can solve all problems wonderfully and you never let people down. But sometimes, you even ruin your good personal image.

?2. You said that you have tried to say no to people before, but you always feel uncomfortable and unable to relax. It's totally understandable! You feel uneasy, and I can relate. I think the answerer believes that this is because you have a fixed view of rejection, and that the rejecting party has a kind of bad label.

The respondent would like to take a moment to clarify.

It's possible that the peace of mind you're experiencing might not be entirely genuine. It's not that you seem to be at peace on the outside, but on the inside, you might still be dealing with some inner conflicts.

The negative label mentioned above by the respondent may be: feeling indifferent after responding to someone's request is something you feel bad about. And this may go against your values, making it difficult for you to face it frankly.

3. It might be related to an unfulfilled desire deep down inside you.

This isn't necessarily related to perfectionism, and it might come from your childhood experiences. It could be that you have a particular desire for friendly connections in relationships with others. When you show even the slightest dissatisfaction to others, it might trigger a sensitive chord in your mind, causing you to have some emotional fluctuations.

To achieve a state of openness, it's important to accept yourself fully.

In other words, when we can accept our own strengths and weaknesses, or transform the two, we can then understand that all people have areas in which they are not perfect. And you know what? Once we understand this, we naturally become less harsh on ourselves.

If you're looking to make more breakthroughs in perfectionism, we've got some great news! We're using a new term called "completism" to help you make these changes.

In other words, we just change our thinking strategy a little bit. We shift the focus of attention from the singular label of success to the overall process of development of the whole thing.

When we focus on the whole picture, each step along the way is a wonderful achievement in itself.

And this wonderful sense of accomplishment doesn't just come from one successful achievement. It's also about fully accepting and experiencing everything in our lives. We've gained so much wisdom along the way, and it's all yours to keep and enjoy!

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

I'm happy to be able to give you some advice.

After reading your text, I noticed you had a question about Chestnut the Little Boy handing you a chestnut. You were afraid to refuse it. Then I saw your latest question. You analyzed the matter of Chestnut the Little Boy handing you a chestnut. You combined the answers from the respondents with your own situation. You also consulted a relevant psychological counselor. Based on that, you decided you want to return to your true self and practice mindfulness therapy.

You're interested in learning more about mindfulness therapy and how to implement it effectively to help you cope with your current situation and overcome your perfectionism.

First, you have a hard time saying no to others, care a lot about what others think, want to be perfect, and want to do your best to make others happy. Second, you can't accept not doing something, and find it hard to accept the consequences if you don't do it.

You've been pushing yourself to be perfect, and it's become a habit. So, how do you define "perfect"?

I actually want to say that there are no fixed requirements or standards for the word "perfect," and everyone sees things differently. If you think this is the perfect way to do something, for some relatively rough people, your approach will be too demanding. And if your kind of perfection is in the heart of someone who is more delicate than you, it may not be worth mentioning.

So, can we say that what you did was wrong and imperfect? Actually, no, right? Looking at all these possibilities, we can draw one conclusion.

What do we want to do? Our true feelings are key to how we want to approach this.

This is the mindfulness therapy the counselor suggests, which is to focus on the present. What is your state of mind right now? What are your thoughts?

So, how does mindfulness therapy work in practice? Let's look at an example. Imagine you're at a cafe and a delivery boy hands you a chestnut. We'll walk you through the steps one by one and show you how you can apply these suggestions to your real life.

Were you okay with the delivery person offering you chestnuts? Did you want to say no right then?

If you don't want to accept his chestnuts, what's going on subconsciously?

Do you feel a little bad about the waiter's kindness? Or is it not a big deal and you can just reject it directly?

The truth is, you chose the former because you think worrying about rejecting others will make them feel bad.

So, how can we ease the feelings of self-reproach and guilt that come up inside us? For instance, your thoughts might show that you feel sorry, that you're not in a good mood today and therefore don't want to accept, that you're not willing to accept things from strangers, or that you don't want to hurt the other person's feelings by refusing...

Then, after having these kinds of thoughts, we can express our apologies and the uncomfortable feelings inside in a rational and objective way. For example, we could say, "Thank you, I don't need it," or "I appreciate your kindness," or "I'm sorry, thank you."

This can help you express your rejection in a positive way and relieve the negative emotions that build up when you can't say what you want.

Mindfulness is all about focusing on your thoughts in the moment.

And think about whether your thoughts are reasonable and appropriate.

During this period, it's important not to let other people's judgments influence us. We should focus on our own hearts and minds and what our true thoughts are. We should do what's right for ourselves and set some moral standards based on what's reasonable for us.

I hope this content helps you find your true inner self and adapt better to similar situations in the future.

I wish you the best of luck.

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom, and I'll get back to you directly.

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The concept of mindfulness was originally developed from sitting meditation and other forms of meditation. It can be defined as a state of awareness in which an individual is attentive to and observant of their present experiences without judgment, analysis, or reaction.

Subsequently, mindfulness was developed into a systematic form of psychotherapy, which is now known as mindfulness-based therapy.

Mindfulness therapy is not a specific type of psychotherapy; rather, it is a collective term for a group of psychotherapies that have one thing in common: mindfulness is the basis of their approach.

One example of this is mindfulness-based stress reduction therapy.

The specific method is as follows: first, the practitioner selects an object for attention, which may be a sound, an object, a sentence, or one's own breathing. Once an object for attention has been chosen, the practitioner assumes a comfortable seated position, closes their eyes, relaxes, and then adjusts their breathing and focuses their attention on the chosen object.

It is irrelevant whether the practitioner has additional thoughts or feelings during the training process, provided that they can return to the original focus at any time. Regardless of the thoughts that arise in the mind, there is no cause for concern; simply return the focus to the breath without any judgment.

Following a period of 15 minutes dedicated to this training, it is recommended to take a brief period of rest before resuming other activities.

Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) is a psychological therapy that primarily addresses the issue of recurrent, long-term depression. Individuals undergoing this therapy are expected to cultivate an open and accepting attitude towards the thoughts and emotions that arise.

The core techniques of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy include concentration, awareness of one's physical and emotional state, acceptance, and non-judgment. These techniques are taught through meditation, retreats, or mindfulness practices.

There are numerous published works on this topic, including the book Mindfulness-Based Emotionally-Focused Therapy, which is a particularly noteworthy contribution to the field.

Some common methods of mindfulness therapy include the following: Mindful breathing – lying down: The individual should assume a supine position, place one hand on the abdomen at the navel, and observe the rise and fall of the abdomen as the individual breathes in and out. The individual should then release the hand and focus attention on the abdomen.

Gradually, one should endeavor to achieve a state of heightened awareness, attentiveness, and immersion in the present moment. This can be achieved through practices such as mindful breathing, which involves focusing on the sensations of inhalation and exhalation, allowing one to fully engage with the present experience.

Mindfulness is inherently a positive practice, facilitating attention to the present moment, a sense of living in the present, and an acceptance of the present.

Furthermore, mindfulness therapy is a gradual process of practice, rather than an immediate outcome. The desire to alter one's preoccupation with perfectionism can, in fact, be considered an obsession. It is a common human tendency to strive for perfection, to varying degrees.

Some individuals permit themselves a greater degree of perfection, while others are not permitted to achieve it. One might suggest that a more beneficial approach would be to allow oneself to be imperfect.

I wish you the best of success.