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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello!
I admire your thinking and exploring!
You want total control.
I used to give myself positive feedback, but now it's unstable and uncomfortable.
I'd be happy to discuss this with you and give you a different perspective.
1. Omnipotent control.
In infancy, we feel like we can do anything.
We create ourselves and everything around us, and we are in control.
Everyone is born with omnipotent narcissism and control.
As we grow up, we realize we're not the center of the world and omnipotent control may be an illusion.
Sometimes we can't control our thoughts.
If you want to learn well and not play games, there's no problem. But if you rely on suppression and control, it won't work.
Research shows we need to recognize our narcissism and control it. It's not wrong to be in control, but we need to accept it.
Let go instead of blocking.
2. Switch from focusing on results to focusing on the process.
You have good ideas, like looking the way society wants, studying hard, and not playing games.
You have good ideas, like looking the way society wants, studying hard, and not playing games.
You've done it before and got praise.
Do you enjoy it?
Are you happy with all your hard work?
Let's go hiking.
When we go hiking, we want to reach the top.
When we go hiking, do you think about reaching the top or enjoy the process?
When we focus on the present and learn, we gain knowledge, exercise our thinking, and more.
Learning is natural.
If you're curious about a game, try playing it on your days off. Set a few rules, like how long to play.
Why do you play games?
Why can't many children stop playing games? It's like an addiction. It may be because games are so attractive.
Playing games is also a way to avoid studying.
When you grow up, you'll learn that life is also about experiences. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Don't play games and see what you're suppressing.
3. See more.
You're a student now.
The "socially expected" might be your belief.
We should also look at our own expectations.
What will you demand of yourself when you're no longer a student?
If we keep pursuing excellence while suppressing ourselves, we'll just get more confused.
You'll feel nothing is interesting.
Start new attempts and explorations.
Listen to yourself.
Look at what your control is expressing.
Is repression hindering your motivation?
Let yourself know that.
It's OK to do whatever you want.
There are many ways to achieve your goals.
If you relax and do more things that aren't related to studying, you'll see more, learn more, and still get good grades.
Take your time and know the difference between reality and fantasy.
Love yourself.
Allow yourself more.
Read the book Allow Yourself.
Best wishes!
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Comments
I understand where you're coming from. It's like we set up these high standards for ourselves and try to stick to a path that's supposed to be the best, but sometimes it just doesn't feel right or sustainable. When I see others not following this path and seemingly enjoying themselves, it really gets under my skin too. The struggle between what feels good now and what might be better in the long run is so real.
It sounds like you've been carrying this heavy burden for a while. Trying to control your emotions and thoughts can only work for so long before it all starts to crumble. Maybe instead of fighting against those feelings of discomfort, acknowledging them and understanding why they're there could help. It's tough when something that once worked so well for you starts to fall apart.
You've managed to align your actions with societal expectations, which is no small feat, but at what cost? The pressure you put on yourself must be immense. Perhaps finding a balance between what society expects and what truly makes you happy would be more fulfilling. It's important to listen to your inner voice and give yourself permission to enjoy moments without guilt.
The method you used to motivate yourself has clearly had its benefits, yet it seems to have also created a cycle of dependency and discomfort. It's as if the more you try to enforce this rigid structure, the more fragile it becomes. Maybe exploring different ways to find joy in learning, rather than forcing it, could break this cycle and lead to a healthier relationship with your studies.
Feeling like you're constantly swimming upstream because of selfimposed rules can be exhausting. It's okay to reassess what works for you now. Sometimes, stepping back and allowing yourself some flexibility can open up new ways of thinking and feeling. Seeking professional guidance might also provide tools to deal with these intense feelings and help you find a more balanced approach to your goals.