My mind is constantly replaying an incident from the past, always wondering if things would have been better if I had acted differently then?

Hello there! I just wanted to give you a big, warm hug!

I can see you're having a tough time right now, thinking about the past.

It's totally normal to feel like we could have done better at some point in our lives. We all have moments where we wish we had done things differently. But the thing is, we can't go back and change the past.

We can't turn back the clock, folks! There's no way to travel through time or build a time machine.

Some folks just let it go, while others keep thinking about it and feeling sorry for themselves. This is what psychologists call rumination.

Rumination is when you think about negative experiences over and over again. It's like chewing on failures, causes, consequences, and so on, like a cow chewing its cud.

So, you might be wondering, why do some people have rumination thinking? Well, the lovely Professor Nolen-Hoeksema, who first proposed rumination thinking, believes that rumination thinking is related to childhood experiences.

Simply put, it means that when they were young, they didn't have the emotional tools they needed to cope, were overprotected by their parents, or were abused. As adults, they may feel like they lack control over their environment.

Let's say, for instance, that you always dropped rice grains when you were a child and your parents scolded you for not appreciating food. Over time, you might start to think of yourself as a bad child, and you might even start to blame yourself for things. This is an example of rumination thinking.

If we can be more understanding and supportive when our little ones make mistakes and work together to find solutions, they will also learn to face setbacks with a positive attitude.

Of course, rumination isn't all bad!

Normal rumination is all about setting goals and learning from our experiences so we don't make the same mistakes twice. And the great thing is, we can stop this kind of rumination whenever we want!

But pathological rumination is a different story. It focuses on negative emotions and always thinks about the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Once it starts, it can be really hard to stop.

So, how can we deal with this rumination? The good news is that the method is also very simple: just focus on the emotion.

The pessimistic way of thinking always looks at what led to the action, without paying much attention to what we're trying to achieve.

For example, have you ever asked yourself why you're always afraid of not doing a good job?

I think it might be because my parents have such high expectations of me. I guess I'm just afraid they'll be disappointed if I don't do well.

Oh, why am I always so angry?

It might be because you don't have the right to make your own decisions in life.

So, next time you find yourself starting this cycle again without realizing it, why not try stopping and asking yourself what psychological need you're fulfilling that allows you to stop rumination? Or, you could ask yourself what someone else did that would make you unable to stop rumination.

I'm sure this is your goal, and I'm here to help you improve and adjust it.

Also, when you start thinking negative thoughts again, you can distract yourself by doing other things or leaving the scene that triggers similar emotions. We all have those days!

You know, you can also go and talk to a counselor if you want to.

I'm a counselor who is often pessimistic and occasionally positive. I love you, world!