light mode dark mode

My mind is constantly replaying an incident from the past, always wondering if things would have been better if I had acted differently then?

obsessive-compulsive disorder past regrets ruminations inability to let go internal conflict
readership8901 favorite66 forward33
My mind is constantly replaying an incident from the past, always wondering if things would have been better if I had acted differently then? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I can't stop thinking about something from the past. I always think that if only I had done things differently, or if only I had said things differently. I'm always in a state of reminiscence, and it's unbearable. There are two voices fighting in my head: one says that it's all in the past and that I should let it go, while the other keeps thinking about it and I can't control it. My head is in a mess, it feels especially swollen, and it's like it's short-circuiting. Is this an obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Quintilla Quintilla A total of 6993 people have been helped

Hello there! I just wanted to give you a big, warm hug!

I can see you're having a tough time right now, thinking about the past.

It's totally normal to feel like we could have done better at some point in our lives. We all have moments where we wish we had done things differently. But the thing is, we can't go back and change the past.

We can't turn back the clock, folks! There's no way to travel through time or build a time machine.

Some folks just let it go, while others keep thinking about it and feeling sorry for themselves. This is what psychologists call rumination.

Rumination is when you think about negative experiences over and over again. It's like chewing on failures, causes, consequences, and so on, like a cow chewing its cud.

So, you might be wondering, why do some people have rumination thinking? Well, the lovely Professor Nolen-Hoeksema, who first proposed rumination thinking, believes that rumination thinking is related to childhood experiences.

Simply put, it means that when they were young, they didn't have the emotional tools they needed to cope, were overprotected by their parents, or were abused. As adults, they may feel like they lack control over their environment.

Let's say, for instance, that you always dropped rice grains when you were a child and your parents scolded you for not appreciating food. Over time, you might start to think of yourself as a bad child, and you might even start to blame yourself for things. This is an example of rumination thinking.

If we can be more understanding and supportive when our little ones make mistakes and work together to find solutions, they will also learn to face setbacks with a positive attitude.

Of course, rumination isn't all bad!

Normal rumination is all about setting goals and learning from our experiences so we don't make the same mistakes twice. And the great thing is, we can stop this kind of rumination whenever we want!

But pathological rumination is a different story. It focuses on negative emotions and always thinks about the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Once it starts, it can be really hard to stop.

So, how can we deal with this rumination? The good news is that the method is also very simple: just focus on the emotion.

The pessimistic way of thinking always looks at what led to the action, without paying much attention to what we're trying to achieve.

For example, have you ever asked yourself why you're always afraid of not doing a good job?

I think it might be because my parents have such high expectations of me. I guess I'm just afraid they'll be disappointed if I don't do well.

Oh, why am I always so angry?

It might be because you don't have the right to make your own decisions in life.

So, next time you find yourself starting this cycle again without realizing it, why not try stopping and asking yourself what psychological need you're fulfilling that allows you to stop rumination? Or, you could ask yourself what someone else did that would make you unable to stop rumination.

I'm sure this is your goal, and I'm here to help you improve and adjust it.

Also, when you start thinking negative thoughts again, you can distract yourself by doing other things or leaving the scene that triggers similar emotions. We all have those days!

You know, you can also go and talk to a counselor if you want to.

I'm a counselor who is often pessimistic and occasionally positive. I love you, world!

Helpful to meHelpful to me 51
disapprovedisapprove0

Comments

avatar
Zelda Faith An honest man stands firm in his principles.

It sounds like you're really struggling with some heavy thoughts from the past. It's tough when you can't seem to move forward, and it feels like no matter what, those memories keep coming back. Sometimes talking about what's on your mind can help sort out those feelings and make space for healing.

avatar
Marvyn Davis Life is a self - renewing process.

I understand how painful it is to be stuck in that cycle of couldhavebeens. It's as if the past has a grip on us, not letting us go. Maybe finding a way to express these feelings, like writing or talking to someone who understands, might offer some relief and clarity.

avatar
Kevin Miller The more we learn, the more we can enjoy the richness of life.

It's hard when your mind won't let go of the past, especially when you feel like you should've done things differently. This internal struggle can be exhausting. It might be worth considering speaking to a professional who can provide strategies to manage these intrusive thoughts and help you find peace.

avatar
Gene Miller A diligent mind is like a fertile field, always ready to yield a harvest.

Feeling torn between wanting to let go and being unable to stop thinking about the past can be incredibly draining. It's important to acknowledge that this is affecting you deeply. Perhaps seeking guidance from a therapist could provide you with tools to cope and begin to heal from this mental turmoil.

More from Soul Share Cove

This feature is under maintenance and update.
Close