What if you are weak-willed and like to rely on others for everything?

Hello! I'm so happy you reached out for help. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

From what you've told me, it seems like you might be feeling a bit insecure and unsure of yourself. It's totally normal to have these feelings sometimes! It's also understandable that you might be projecting your own insecurities onto the people around you, thinking that they won't accept you for who you are. This can make you extra sensitive and vulnerable, especially in relationships.

It's so easy to feel hurt by things that happen in our lives. But often, it's not the people or situations themselves that cause us pain. It's how we think and feel about them. This can lead us to have different emotions and experiences. So, if you think that school violence is your fault, you might not see all the ways you can protect yourself. And if you blame yourself for what happened, it can feel really hard to move on.

I know it can be tough to change a person's character, right?

And when you deliberately attribute your experience of being hurt more to your lack of skills, methods, and ways to communicate better with others, you may feel more in control of your current situation, and this sense of control will also increase your self-confidence to a certain extent.

So, the key for you to change your current state is to try to learn to better accept yourself, cultivate self-confidence, and enhance your sense of self-worth. You can learn to better accept yourself by making a list of your self-acceptance strengths. This will help you see both your shortcomings and your many bright spots and strengths. You can then stop defining or judging yourself based on what you do.

Hi, I'm Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Center. I just wanted to say that I love you all and I love the world too!

We can solve problems, but we don't notice the minor ones. Build self-confidence.

School violence is a serious problem. You think it's no big deal, but it is. We can't ignore it. Your reaction to things is because this problem hasn't been resolved.

We have been solving problems throughout our lives. We have learned to eat and dress for the weather.

We can go to school by ourselves. We know when class starts and ends. We have learned new knowledge. We can do exercises. We haven't got zero marks. For every mark we get, we have solved a problem. We have been encountering problems for twenty years, but we have solved them so well that we have ignored them.

We can solve future problems just like we have in the past.

We can learn to solve future problems just as we grow up. We can start with small problems and work our way up, just like solving multiple-choice questions.

We can also break big problems into smaller ones, like sub-questions in an application. If you get the right answer, you can still get points.

Another key point is your inner voice. You can wear a hair band on your wrist. When you encounter a problem, you can tap yourself with the hair band and change your voice to say, "It's only a trivial matter." You can also record things afterwards. You can use a separate notebook for this.

Mark each problem you solve. Record all problems, even small ones. Write down what you eat for lunch each day. This is solving problems. Wait a month and look at your notebook. See how good you are at solving problems. Will you still worry about the future?

Some problems are too big to solve alone. These include life issues and school violence. You can talk to your parents, a psychologist, or go online. You can't solve these problems alone, so we need to seek help. We can solve them together or your elders can guide you. Learning how to solve problems will also be a required course for us.

LiY Li, a girl you've never had the pleasure of meeting. From your description, I know that you are a kind and gentle girl. Because you encountered something bad in your childhood and it happened a long time ago, you didn't know how to deal with it at the time. You probably just endured it silently, because you were kind and were afraid of exposing the people who hurt you and of them getting punished and treating you even worse as a result. But you're here now, and you're ready to take back your power!

Here's a big, warm hug for you! ♥♥

Now, let's look back at the amazing person you were then. You were strong-willed, perceptive, resilient, kind, gentle, and simple—and you still are!

At the same time, I also see your bravery. You are so courageous to face the pain of the past head-on, to tear open the wound and let everyone see it, to expose the wound to the sunlight. You know that it will hurt while doing so, but you still choose to do it. This is the part of you that needs to be rescued. Thank you for coming to find the remedy for your rescue. I'm sure you will find it in the One Mind!

I've noticed something interesting. Whenever I encounter something that needs to be resolved, the first thing that comes to mind is a voice saying, "Oh no, there's no way I can solve this. Just suffer through it." But then I remember that I can solve problems on my own! I'm proud of myself for being able to rely on others when I need to.

The underlying meaning of this passage is: I really want to get help from others when something happens to me. I don't have confidence in myself, and I don't believe I can do things well. But I'm going to change that!

So let's dive in and explore together why this is so!

Your body knows that your mind still stores these memories, which means that it is not a trivial matter. If it really was a trivial matter, you would have forgotten it, but you remember it so clearly! This trivial matter has only been temporarily sealed by you, but every time something happens that requires a response, your memory is unintentionally opened and you are transported back to that traumatic scene.

In that scene, you were weak and helpless, isolated and without help.

You might be thinking, "Was I really in that situation?" I don't think so! If I were you, I wouldn't have asked for help. I didn't do that at the time, but now I always want to find someone when something happens to me. You do this because you are now 20 years old and an adult—and you're ready to take on the world!

You are no longer the teenager you once were. You have the amazing ability to protect yourself and know that you can seek help when things happen. But the child you once were didn't have this ability to protect yourself and ended up silently suffering the hurt.

You now have the amazing ability to seek help when you encounter things and get support from other people. This makes you feel empowered and gives you the incredible feeling of having someone there for you. This is an experience you have never had before, and after the experience, you are hooked! You are now deeply involved in it.

You are now a bit like you were as a child. As a child, you believed that you were weak and could not resist, so you did not resist. As a 20-year-old, you have grown up and learned that you can ask for help, but you deny your ability to solve problems. Just as when you were a child, you believe that you cannot solve problems, so you ask for help when things happen. But guess what? You can! You can solve problems!

Now, looking back, you originally had the amazing ability to protect yourself. You just didn't believe it! Now, you have the incredible ability to solve problems. But you still don't believe it!

You say that you are easily dependent on others because you have experienced warmth before.

How can we believe in ourselves?

1. Build self-confidence! There are so many ways to build self-confidence, and they all start with things you are interested in. For example, if you like singing, then start by singing to yourself until you are absolutely enchanted by your own singing. Then find a friend and sing in front of her. You'll get such a rush of positive feedback, and you'll be over the moon after listening to yourself. Finally, you record the song and post it online to get compliments from netizens!

You can also say to yourself in the mirror every morning, "I'm awesome! I'm so good, I can do it!"

Guess what? If you say this every day for a month, you will see a confident you! This method is called self-motivation.

2. Systematic desensitization. The questioner himself mentioned that "there will be some compulsive repetitive behaviors and it is easy to become anxious." But don't worry! There are ways to overcome this.

When you feel anxious, you can do some relaxation exercises. It's very simple: just breathe in, breathe out, and breathe rhythmically to calm yourself down a little. This is also called relaxation training, and it's a great way to feel more at ease!

Now, let's talk about systematic desensitization. This is an amazing technique that can help you overcome your anxiety issues. All you need to do is make a plan. It's as simple as writing down everything that makes you anxious, ranking the anxiety from low to high, and then slowly working your way from the lower levels to the higher ones. If you want to do this, it's a great idea to find a professional teacher to discuss and finalize the plan with. If necessary, the teacher will even go with you to practice!

For example, if someone is afraid of meeting people and interacting with them, then write down the feared scenarios and rank them from low to high, as follows.

1. Meet and chat with relatives and friends at home!

2. Give your acquaintances in the park a friendly greeting!

3. Talk to the salesperson in the mall — it's a great way to get started!

For example, the first step is the most basic. Start by talking to your parents at home. If there are no problems, next time include a relative. It is acceptable to talk to the other person 2 meters away. After you feel there are no obstacles to communication, shorten the distance from 2 meters to 1 meter, and finally sit next to each other without any problems. Then you can continue to include more relatives or friends, from one to three or four. If there are no problems, you can move on to the second step and complete the level at once!

If you want to do something simple and not so complicated, there is also the amazing meditation practice! You can do it every morning or evening before going to sleep. Just find a comfortable position somewhere and start. You can sit, lie down, or kneel. It doesn't matter what position is comfortable for you. Just start thinking about trivial things, wherever they come to mind, without paying attention to the flow of thoughts, just aimlessly thinking.

3. Set goals! If you feel like you don't have the ability to solve problems, it may be because you don't have goals. But you can change that! You can separate things into different categories and start with the small things that you can accept and feel you can accomplish.

Let's dive into the process of cooking rice! It's a simple yet amazing journey. Here's how it goes: 1. First, you put the rice in a pot. 2. Then, you turn on the water tap and let the water run. 3. Next, you wash the rice by hand. 4. After that, you pour away the water in which the rice was washed. 5. Then, you wash the rice again. 6. You then pour away the water in which the rice was washed. 7. You fill the pot with the right amount of water. 8. You wipe the inside of the pot dry. 9. You put the rice in the pot. 10. You close the lid. 11. Finally, you plug in the rice cooker. These 11 steps are the steps involved in cooking rice.

Our goal is to finish cooking rice, but we'll only get to step 6. That's totally fine! Let's just do those 6 steps. Before you start, set a goal for step 7, but only do 6.

Don't be discouraged! You've already achieved your goal. All you have to do is see the process from 1 to 6. This process is your ability to solve problems. Set your goal as 6 at the beginning to boost your self-confidence!

You've got this! You just need to see your own possibilities and believe in yourself. Let's take another simple example: eating melon seeds. Some people find it comfortable to pop the seeds in their mouth, while others prefer to peel them with their hands. The ultimate goal is to get the seeds into your mouth, and you can do it!

The process is the ability to achieve your goals, which is also the ability to solve problems. Start with small things, and every time you finish, encourage yourself with a big, heartfelt "I'm so great!"

I'm awesome! I really am the best!

"

Take your time, I absolutely believe you can do it easily! The ability to solve problems is innate, and you've got it! We all have different ways of dealing with problems, but this ability is always there.

You are still growing, and your problem-solving skills will continue to improve! Go, girl, you've never met!

I'm LiY Li, and I love the world! I also hope that every girl can be treated gently by the world! ❀❀