Why can't I shake off my dislike for that person, constantly thinking about them?

Dear friend, I can appreciate the challenges you're facing. The obsessive thoughts you're experiencing, particularly the repeated thoughts about the person you dislike, can be quite painful and overwhelming.

It is possible that you may feel as though you are trapped in an inescapable cycle, fighting these thoughts every day, and that the struggle itself may exacerbate your suffering. It is understandable that this constant pattern of thinking can indeed be exhausting and feel helpless.

In psychology, obsessive thinking is often associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which is a common anxiety disorder. The core features of OCD include obsessive thoughts (recurring, intrusive, and unwanted thoughts) and obsessive behaviors (repeated behaviors or mental rituals performed to reduce anxiety).

Obsessive thinking is a common psychological phenomenon that does not define who you are or determine your future. You have the power to face it and find a coping strategy that suits you.

With regard to your question, it is important to understand that letting things be does not mean ignoring or accepting the symptoms. Rather, it involves accepting these thoughts and feelings as part of the current experience, rather than trying to fight them or change them. Acting according to your values and goals means acting according to your values and goals, rather than according to your obsessive thoughts.

For instance, if your goal is to excel as a student, you can continue to prioritize your studies and avoid letting obsessive thoughts impede your progress.

The essence of this approach is to minimize the influence of obsessive thoughts on your behavior and emotions. By reducing your engagement with these thoughts and allowing them to have less of a controlling effect, you may find that their impact on you gradually diminishes.

It is important to understand that this process does require time and patience, and it is natural to feel some difficulty at the outset.

Regarding your question about "not knowing if you've become less," it's a challenge many people face. One approach could be to focus on your actions and the direction of your life, rather than the content of your thoughts.

You might find it helpful to monitor your progress by keeping track of your actions and feelings, rather than trying to assess whether your thinking has decreased. For example, you could consider recording how much time you spend each day acting on your values rather than being controlled by compulsive thinking.

I can appreciate that you feel like you can't take it with you, and I can understand that it's a feeling that many people experience. It's something that takes time and practice to work through.

It is understandable that initially, you may find it challenging to refrain from dwelling on these thoughts. However, with continued practice, you may find that these thoughts become less prominent as you shift your attention to other things. Setting small goals and celebrating every small achievement can be an effective way to build confidence and motivation.

As we achieve each small goal, we will gradually feel our own progress and growth, which will inspire us to continue moving forward.

It may also be helpful to consider establishing a support system. Sharing our challenges with family and friends can provide us with valuable understanding and support, as well as strengthening our courage to face difficulties.

You are not alone in this process, and you have the support of people who care about you.

If you feel that obsessive thoughts are affecting your normal life, you may benefit from seeking professional help. A psychologist or psychiatrist can provide guidance and treatment to help you understand your problems and find solutions.

Their expertise and experience can be a valuable source of support as we work to overcome challenges.

With perseverance, we can gradually reduce the impact of obsessive thoughts on us and move towards a healthier and more satisfying life. Seeking help is a courageous first step.

Please keep moving forward and believe in yourself. You have the ability to overcome this challenge. Don't be afraid to ask for help from others. This is a great way for us to grow and improve together.

Hello, question owner. I can see that you are currently experiencing some distress due to obsessive thoughts and a lack of control over your thoughts. It's understandable that you feel a sense of pain inside. I can sense that you are aware of your suffering and want to find a way to overcome it, but you feel powerless and are struggling to find a way to let go of these thoughts.

When you force yourself not to think about something, your mind will automatically recall previous events, which can potentially lead to a worsening of your mood. This feeling may be caused by obsessive thinking. It might be helpful to allow things to happen naturally. For what happened in the past, you might consider not deliberately recalling it, not deliberately forgetting it, and not deliberately mentioning it.

It's a bit like when someone tells you not to imagine a pink elephant, but this instruction will instead make you imagine the elephant. Another example is that some people who have broken up with their lovers will tell themselves that they must forget their exes, but the more they give themselves such instructions, the more likely they are to recall bits and pieces of the past.

It may be helpful to consider that when we try to suppress a certain thought, it can often lead to the emergence of related thoughts. In such instances, it might be more beneficial to allow the initial thought to dissipate and then gradually adjust one's state of mind, with the aim of reducing anxiety.

If you want to treat OCD, it may be helpful to first accept reality and the fact that you have OCD. You may then wish to consider ways of slowly adjusting yourself to become stronger. Although it is difficult to cure OCD, as long as you persevere with treatment and adjust your mindset over time, there is still hope that you can cure yourself.

You might consider trying to do something to keep yourself busy, which could help you to avoid dwelling on these thoughts. When you are busy, you may find that you have less time to think about them. You could try distracting yourself with reading, listening to music, running, revising, or listening to lectures. These activities could help you to temporarily forget your worries.

I hope you can find a way to overcome your OCD and regain your happiness.

Hello, question asker. I can sense the distress and pain you are experiencing at this time.

The feeling of repeatedly thinking about a person you dislike can be compared to having a stubborn knot in your heart that you can't untie or let go of. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It's not your fault, and there are ways to get out of this predicament.

First of all, I want to reassure you that you are not alone, and that we all have our own problems and challenges. This person may be a problem in your life, and it may be helpful to face and solve it.

It might be helpful to consider that his reappearance in your thoughts could be a reminder that there are some deep-seated emotions and thoughts that you might benefit from facing and dealing with.

I can appreciate your confusion about the advice to "let things take their course and do what needs to be done." I believe the core of this advice is to hope that you will not dwell on this annoying person, but instead focus on your own life and enjoy each moment.

It is not necessary to forget about the person completely, but it may be helpful to learn to live with this thought and not let it affect your life too much.

I understand this may take some time and effort. Here are some suggestions for you to consider, which I hope will be helpful:

1. Awareness and acceptance: First, it might be helpful to try to be aware of why you keep thinking about this person. Could there be any unprocessed emotions or events at play?

It might be helpful to accept the existence of these emotions and thoughts, and to be gentle with yourself. You might find it beneficial to remind yourself that these are normal emotional reactions, and that you are capable of facing and dealing with them.

2. Distract yourself: When you find yourself thinking about that person again, you might like to try distracting yourself by focusing on something else. This could be an activity that interests you, such as painting, listening to music, or reading a book.

As an alternative, you might like to consider trying some relaxation and meditation techniques to help calm yourself.

3. Develop a positive mindset: It might be helpful to try looking at the person and the experience from a positive perspective. It's possible that he has helped you to grow and learn, and that you have gained a deeper understanding of yourself.

You might find it helpful to write down some positive thoughts and feelings to help you establish a healthier mindset.

4. Seek support: You may find it helpful to ask for help and support from others. Talking to your friends, family, or a professional counselor about your distress may provide you with new perspectives and advice.

5. Create new memories: Consider creating some new, beautiful memories to replace the negative ones associated with the annoying person. It could be traveling, going to parties, learning new skills, or anything that makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

I understand this process can be challenging, but I believe you have the strength to overcome it. Please remember, you are not alone, and we are all rooting for you.

You deserve a better life, free from this person's influence. Take your time, and you will find yourself becoming stronger and more free with each step.

Finally, I would like to suggest that you believe in your ability to face and solve any difficulties you encounter, no matter where you go. You have unique charm and unlimited potential. As long as you are willing to discover and show them, you will be able to live the life you aspire to.

Hello, classmate.

You said this "nuisance" is competing with you in your studies, right? That's important information.

Now, imagine a situation in which you are about to compete against an opponent. A few days before the competition, you get some insider information.

In the first case, the rumor is that the opponent is far weaker than you, and there is a huge difference between you. You already have the upper hand.

In the second situation, the grapevine says that the opponent is far superior to you, and there is a world of difference between you. You will not win, no matter how hard you try.

In situation 3, the grapevine says that there is no obvious difference in strength between you and your opponent, and that you are evenly matched. This makes it completely unpredictable who will win.

Tell me which of the three situations above makes you anxious.

The third situation is undoubtedly the most disturbing. I am certain that this is also the case for you.

The reason for this unease is clear: the strength is equal, the outcome is unpredictable, and you are afraid that things will not turn out to be acceptable. This worry is extremely strong, so the competitor inevitably repeatedly appears in your mind.

Competition is important in learning. It's not about being better than others, but better than your past self.

You must accept that you will always face competition from others who are better than you. This will not make you happy. What will make you happy is that you will always be better than you were in the past. You will always be on the path of growth. This is the greatest meaning of life.

My child, I wish you well.

The suggestion to "let things take their course and do what needs to be done" may appear straightforward, yet it is not a simple task to accomplish. This is a form of mental adjustment, and the fundamental aspect is to accept without resistance. The issue you have raised is indeed significant: "If I simply allow it to be, how will I know if it improves?"

This is an excellent question. Allowing circumstances to unfold without intervention does not imply that one's emotions are to be disregarded entirely. Instead, it entails acquiring the capacity to coexist with them in a manner that does not permit them to exert undue influence over one's life.

It is important to accept one's current state, including any unpleasant thoughts that may arise. It is crucial to recognize that everyone's brain has a mechanism that sometimes involuntarily repeats certain thoughts. This is not indicative of personal failure or flaw.

In the event of the emergence of such thoughts, it is recommended that one attempts to redirect one's attention to an alternative focus. This may entail taking a deep breath, counting to ten, or engaging in a specific activity such as reading, exercising, or even tidying up the house. It is crucial to identify an activity that one can become absorbed in, even if it is only for a brief period. This can be considered a victory in itself.

It is recommended that one sets oneself small, specific goals, such as "For the next 10 minutes, I will focus on finishing this report," rather than "I will never think about that annoying person again." The attainment of small goals is more readily achievable and provides a sense of accomplishment, which in turn increases confidence in dealing with distressing situations.

One can observe one's thoughts and, when they return, acknowledge their recurrence without judgment.

This attitude of observation will assist in the reduction of resistance and fear associated with these thoughts.

It is important to recognize that change takes time and that obsessive thoughts do not dissipate instantaneously. Patience and consistency are essential virtues in this process. With time and dedicated effort, individuals can gradually gain more control over their thoughts.

Each individual's spiritual journey is distinct, with fluctuations in progress. However, there is always the potential to identify an effective approach that aligns with one's personal needs and circumstances. With the right tools and guidance, it is possible to navigate through challenging periods and find a sense of inner peace.

It is important to allow yourself sufficient time and space to process these experiences, and to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. With patience and practice, you will find that the thoughts that previously dominated your mind become less intense, and that your overall experience of life becomes more positive and fulfilling. Perseverance is key to this process.

Let's talk about your topic from three angles.

First, let's talk about obsessive thinking. The questioner said that when they think about annoying people, the more they try not to think about them, the more they think about them. The questioner's logic makes sense. They know that the reason for thinking about them again and again comes from past competitive pressure and learning anxiety.

It's not a medical obsession, so we can improve by adjusting our mindset. We can ask if our standards are too harsh.

Lower our expectations and handle things with a more relaxed attitude.

Emotions are made up of things we feel, things we see, and things that make us feel physically different. When we miss out on something, like a promotion, we feel sad. When we lose something we love, like a pet, we feel angry.

The questioner said that thinking about a hated person all day is painful.

When I think about him again and again, what do I think? What emotions does it bring up?

Why do we think about him again and again? Why do we focus on this thought?

What do I really need inside?

We can always know what we're feeling. Write about your feelings. This will help us understand emotions and what we need.

Knowing what you want helps you say no. Refusing things helps you be true to yourself.

Healing happens when our true selves emerge. We need to get to know ourselves and face our true selves.

Love yourself. Know your emotions and have clear values. Then, take care of yourself.

We can learn to distract ourselves. When you have a thought, take a deep breath and do something else, such as listening to music or stretching. Meditation and mindfulness are also good ways to regulate.

If you need help, find someone you trust to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor.

We can go outside more to enjoy nature. When you're happy, you can face things calmly.

We also have to study hard. Being strong is the best way to show ourselves. Recommended: "Mindfulness"

Hello again, questioner!

If, after following the suggested methods, you find that your obsessive thinking has not improved, it may be helpful to consider that you are constantly thinking about and changing yourself, which is a positive process.

It might take some time to change a habit of thinking. However, if you believe that changing your thinking will eventually lead to a change in behavior, it could be a worthwhile process to persevere with.

It may be helpful to consider that our behaviors and thoughts influence each other. With this in mind, it is possible that your thinking will gradually improve.

I believe that, with regard to the approach suggested by the previous contributor, it would be beneficial to continue applying it and to give it a try. As I am not aware of the reason, I would like to share some thoughts on obsessive thinking.

It may be the case that obsessive thinking occurs because certain behaviors cause us to have strong emotional reactions, which in turn lead us to repeatedly think about something or ponder a certain issue. If obsessive thinking is really caused by a traumatic event, it might be helpful to seek counseling from a counselor in order to change this state in a short period of time.

I hope you will find these methods helpful:

1. Obsessive thinking manifests as images, scenes, or silent voices in the brain. It is therefore important to distinguish between reality and fantasy. The images and scenes in your brain may simply be your imagination, rather than a reflection of reality.

2. If you find yourself caught in obsessive thinking, it can be helpful to be aware of it, press a pause button on your brain, and say to yourself, "The story of so-and-so is starting again. Thank you, brain, I know, you can step down now!" This can then allow you to refocus on the task at hand or switch your attention to something else.

3. It might be helpful to remember that our brains are in automatic thinking for about 80% of our waking hours each day. This means that obsessive thinking is also a type of automatic thinking. One way to replace the unwanted obsessive thinking might be to engage in other automatic thinking about things or people.

As a suggestion, you might consider memorizing ancient poems. If it is convenient for you, you could try reciting the poem you learned each day when you have some free time. If you are unable to remember it, you could always go back and look it up again.

It might be helpful to consider replacing automatic thinking with active thinking. This could involve discovering your interests, or trying to discover them, immersing yourself in them, and enjoying the fun they bring you.

It may be helpful to consider incorporating regular exercise into your routine. Research suggests that exercise can have a positive impact on mood, which in turn can influence our thinking.

5. Mindfulness: Take a deep breath and focus on your breathing and any sensations you may be experiencing in your body.

With regard to this matter, there is a great deal of information available on the Internet, and you may also wish to consider purchasing a book and reading it yourself. One such book is "The Happiness Trap."

6. It may be helpful to allow yourself the time you need. While time itself cannot heal, it can provide a space for healing.

Please note that the above is for reference only.

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing right now, but I can help you with that.

You will think of someone you dislike repeatedly.

This is called "counter-thinking" in psychology.

You need to understand this: the more you tell yourself not to think about that person, the more you will think about him.

This is the "white bear effect" in psychology: the more you tell yourself not to think about a white bear, the more of a white bear will pop into your head.

When obsessive thoughts arise, accept their presence and don't suppress your thoughts. Otherwise, they will only become more and more painful.

You need to ask yourself why you keep thinking about this annoying person. It's likely because he's done something to hurt you.

Make your life as busy as possible.

Do things that require a lot of concentration, such as painting or calligraphy, when you have things to do. This will help you to focus your thoughts on the task at hand.

You simply won't have time to think about other things.

Seeking help from a professional counselor is the best option if you feel that this annoying person is causing you a lot of distress.

You should also share your current predicament with your family and friends.

You have strength in numbers. They can help you find better ways to deal with this annoying person in a more positive way.

I am confident that you will find a solution to your problem soon.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

I am confident that you will find a solution.

I can appreciate the challenges you're facing and the distress you're experiencing. Obsessive thoughts can be a significant burden, particularly when they're related to frustrating individuals, which can intensify stress and anxiety.

"Let it be, do what needs to be done" is indeed a common piece of advice, but it can be challenging to apply it to real-life situations and to persevere.

First of all, it's important to understand that "letting things take their course" does not mean that you should completely ignore or avoid the problem. Rather, it suggests that you should not dwell on it or struggle with it. When you realize that you are repeatedly thinking about the person you dislike, it's natural to feel anxious or self-blame. However, it's important to accept this fact and remind yourself that this is a normal thought process.

You might find it helpful to shift your attention to other things, such as studying, working, hobbies, etc., to make your life more fulfilling and meaningful.

In terms of "doing what needs to be done," it's important to remember that even if the symptoms persist, it's still possible to live and work normally. You might find it helpful to try making some daily plans and goals and then working hard to achieve them.

This approach allows you to maintain a sense of balance in your life, even if you still think of the annoying person sometimes. Having other things to focus on and get involved in helps to ensure that the problem does not completely take over your life.

You might also consider seeking the guidance of a professional psychologist. A psychologist can offer a more in-depth understanding of your situation and provide tailored advice and support.

They can assist you in exploring the root causes of the problem in greater depth and in identifying more effective ways to address it.

In answer to your question about how to know if you're getting better, you might like to try recording your situation. This could include things like the number of times you think of the annoying person every day, how long you think about them for, and so on. This could help you to understand your situation more objectively and see if there is any improvement.

It is important to remember, however, that these numbers are not the be-all and end-all. What really matters is how you feel and the quality of your life.

If I might make one more suggestion, I believe that obsessive thinking can be improved, but it will require time and effort. I encourage you to believe in yourself and persevere, as you will gradually get out of this predicament.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to maintain a positive attitude and believe in your ability to overcome this difficulty.

I hope these suggestions will be helpful to you in some way. If you would like more support or advice, please do not hesitate to let me know.

Hello, dear question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you so much for trusting us with your concerns and seeking our help. We're here for you! You're feeling bothered by the thought of that annoying person.

"I've read your introduction and I understand your situation. Let's chat about it together."

1. Introduction

1️⃣, obsessive thoughts

You said, "I have these thoughts that just won't go away! I keep thinking about annoying people. The more I try not to think about them, the more I can't stop. I posted the specific reasons in a previous Q&A, so I won't go into detail here. Then I saw some replies that told me to let things take their course and do what needs to be done."

I can see you're struggling with some pretty intense thoughts. It's totally normal to have obsessive thoughts, but it can feel overwhelming when they're about people you find annoying. I'm here to help you work through this.

Obsessive thoughts or obsessive thinking refers to a concept or thoughts of the same content that repeatedly appear in the patient's mind. It's one of the disorders of thought content, but you're not alone in this!

Repeatedly thinking of annoying people

It's totally normal to feel this way! We've all been there. It seems like you're now obsessively associating the annoying person with scenes or things related to exams, and associating them with the harm they have done to you. It can be seen that there is always this knot in your heart, and you have not let go of the grudges that have occurred between you.

This shows that you don't hate him as a person, but rather the association you make after he shows contempt for you.

2️⃣, Confusion

You say, "Then I have some questions. To let things take their course is to live regardless of whether this thought still exists, to live with the symptoms?"

But I just can't live with it, thinking about the person I hate over and over again, many times a day, or even all day long.

"It's really tough to keep thinking about it when I'm eating, studying, walking, waking up in the morning, going to bed at night, and so on. I know it can be hard to just let things be and do what needs to be done, especially when you're trying to shift your focus and not pay so much attention to the symptoms.

I just can't let it go and live with it, though. I know I'll still think about the person I dislike again and again in the future. So I try to let it go and live with it, regardless. But if it doesn't let me focus on whether or not I think about it less, then where is my motivation to persist?

"Is this just going to be a part of you forever?"

Let it be, my friend.

You've been on this journey of seeking advice on how to get rid of the thought of annoying people, and people have given you a lot of ideas, including letting go, acceptance, and just letting it be. For you, letting it be has added another doubt to think about, which is totally normal!

It's totally normal to feel a bit confused when you're trying not to think about something and not paying attention to it.

Let's talk about entanglement.

It's totally normal to think about someone and wonder if you've thought about them more than you think. It's only natural to be concerned about whether you want to think about them or not. It can feel like you're stuck on this thought, but I promise you, you'll get through it.

3️⃣, suffering

You say, "I'm feeling all mixed up and a little hurt. What can I do to feel better and move on? Why does the person I don't like keep popping into my mind? Why can't I get away from him? Please, help me!"

Pain

It's okay to feel the pain of the person who keeps reappearing in your mind. But try to remember that things might be different than you think.

Let's talk about entanglement.

The questioner blames others because they don't want to face the person they think of. In fact, the person you hate doesn't appear in front of you all the time. It's totally understandable! We all have things we'd rather not think about. The so-called entanglement is the result of the white elephant effect caused by our constant reminder to ourselves not to.

2. Let's dig a little deeper into why you're suffering.

1️⃣, holding on too tight

It's time to let go, my friend.

In psychology, letting go isn't just about changing your behavior. It's also about changing your mindset. It's about accepting what has happened and not fighting against the past.

It's okay to feel this way, but you can't let it hold you back.

It's totally normal to still think of annoying people sometimes. It just shows that your past experiences still have a place in your heart. You've always reserved a special spot for him, so he can come out and meet you, greet you, and remind you of good times.

2️⃣, Post-traumatic stress disorder

Let's talk about post-traumatic stress disorder.

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of stress disorder that can have some pretty severe symptoms, and unfortunately, there's not always a good outlook. It can even lead to brain damage in some cases. It's a stress-related disorder that can happen when someone is faced with an extremely stressful situation, like a natural disaster, a traffic accident, a sudden accident, the sudden loss of a loved one, bullying at school, sexual assault, or other accidents.

It's totally normal to have flashbacks or nightmares when you're going through something really tough. It's like your mind is trying to process everything that's going on. It's okay to feel scared, but remember you're not alone.

Before the trauma is repaired, it's totally normal to have repeated trauma re-experiencing. It's the most common and most characteristic symptom of many people with post-traumatic stress disorder. That is, when you're conscious, sudden memories or scenes of traumatic events will keep reappearing in your mind.

The questioner mentioned earlier that when they encounter a situation such as a review or an approaching exam, they will think of that person. This is totally normal! It's a post-traumatic stress disorder reaction and re-experience.

It seems like the questioner still has some unresolved feelings about what happened, especially the trauma it caused you. So, when you encounter a similar situation, it's natural to associate it with him, which can affect your current emotions and normal life.

3️⃣. Pride is the guiding light

Self-esteem is so important!

Self-esteem is also known as self-respect and the feeling of self-respect. It's an emotional experience that an individual has based on self-evaluation. It produces and forms a sense of self-respect, self-love, and a demand to be respected by others, the collective, and society.

Self-esteem is also about having self-respect. It's the result of how you see yourself in relation to others. It's formed through social comparison and is the result of how you see yourself in relation to others.

Self-esteem is first and foremost expressed in self-respect and self-love. It's also about having the hope that others, groups, and society will respect us.

Pride

From what we've learned about the questioner so far, it's clear that he has a very strong sense of self-esteem. He wants to gain the recognition of his classmates and teachers and feel good about himself, and he thinks that by comparing himself to people he dislikes in terms of their studies, he'll be able to do that.

It's totally normal to think about people who bother you. We all do it! But it's really important to remember that you're great just the way you are. You've got so much going for you, and you're going to be just fine. It's also good to know that when we compare ourselves to others, it can make us feel bad. It's like we're losing something important. But you know what? You've got so much to offer! So, try not to worry about what others think. You're doing great!

3. What can you do?

1️⃣, Professional support

Psychological counseling is there for you!

Psychological counseling is a highly specialized mental health service that's there to help you. It's a process of helping you gradually understand yourself, identify problems, and solve problems through the relationship between you and your counselor. They'll use relevant psychological methods appropriately so you can become self-reliant.

We're here to support you!

The questioner has been super active on the platform, asking and answering questions, which shows how eager they are to find a solution. At the same time, I can also sense the questioner's anxiety. I truly believe that seeking professional psychological counseling would be a great step forward.

I truly believe that this can be used as a technical means to resolve the host's current unresolved trauma and truly say goodbye to him and to the past.

2️⃣, Properly view grades

Let's think about the purpose of an exam.

The purpose of an exam is to test how well you know a certain area of knowledge or skill, or to test whether you have the basic ability to obtain a certain qualification. It doesn't matter who gets the best grade, it's just a way to see how you're doing!

It's so important to evaluate grades correctly.

When it comes to the exam, the results are just a reflection of how well you've been understanding and grasping knowledge recently. They're there to gently remind you of any areas that still need a little more work.

If we understand our grades correctly, we can shift our focus from looking at exam results to focusing on knowledge mastery. This is a great way to shift our external focus and comparison to our own selves! At this point, he will not appear in your mind, which is a wonderful thing.

3️⃣. Acceptance

It's okay to accept things as they are.

When we accept things as they are, without getting in our own way or judging ourselves, we can feel more at ease. It's okay if we can't control everything in our lives. We can still accept what's happening without getting overwhelmed by it.

And you know what? Acceptance really does help to reduce the suffering that we cause to others.

It's okay to accept the reality of the situation.

It's totally understandable that the questioner keeps mentioning things that happened in the past. It can be really hard to accept that the past has already happened and that we've been living in it for a while. It's natural to feel like we can't get out of it.

Let's try something new! Let's change our way of thinking and be brave enough to admit that we don't know everything. It's okay if we don't get it right away. In fact, it's a good thing! The questioner just needs to accept reality before we can look to the future with a grasp of knowledge.

When you're so focused on improving yourself, and you've got your own grades to think about, it can be hard to find time to think about other people and things. I know it's tough, but I think you'll find that you don't have much time to think about anything else.

Even if you think about him, you'll realize you don't care about his various expressions because your goal is to do well for yourself. Just think of it as a joke and you'll let it go.

My dear friend, I know this is a tough time for you, but I just wanted to say, don't lose hope! Let go of what you can, take a step back and look at the bigger picture, get some professional help if you need it, and I promise you, you'll get through this. Believe in yourself, and give yourself some time. You've got this!

I just want to wish the original poster a happy life!

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor at the fine-stream school.

From what you've told me, I can see how you're feeling. I totally get it. I've been there myself, so I know how obsessive thoughts can really hurt.

The situation you've described is a classic example of obsessive thinking. It's that unpleasant thought or person that just won't seem to go away, no matter how hard you try.

The heart of the advice to "let things be and do what needs to be done" is to embrace the symptoms rather than fight against them. This doesn't mean that you should give up on life, but rather, try to reduce the excessive attention and confrontation with these thoughts.

When you try to ignore or suppress this thinking, it can actually make it stronger. This is something that's called negative reinforcement in psychology. It basically means that the more we don't want to think of something or someone, the more we remind ourselves to think of them.

So, in my opinion, the purpose of this advice is to help you learn to live with this kind of thinking, rather than letting it completely control your life.

When you're facing those pesky obsessive thoughts, try not to focus on them. Instead, try focusing on something else, like your studies, work, hobbies, or anything else that helps you feel better.

When you start focusing on other things, you might find that you don't think about that person as often.

It's totally normal to have obsessive thoughts sometimes. They can make us worry and feel anxious about certain things. But it's important to remember that we can't control everything in life, including our own thoughts.

It can be really helpful to accept this fact and try to relax the quest for control. This can help the questioner reduce some of their anxiety. Of course, it's still important to pay attention to this symptom, even if you're trying to relax about it.

If the questioner finds that they cannot completely get rid of the obsessive thoughts at once, they can try setting small goals. For example, the questioner can set a time limit, such as spending only 10 minutes a day thinking about the annoying person, and gradually reduce this time.

Or the question asker can set a goal, such as trying not to think about the annoying person when studying or working. It might be helpful to gradually reduce the attention paid to this thought, as this can help the question asker to control it better.

It might also help the question asker to keep a record of how often they think of this person each day. This can help them to see how their thoughts change over time. It's also important to learn to accept these thoughts. They're a sign that the question asker is prone to anxiety and has high expectations of themselves.

Sometimes, it's okay to let yourself off the hook. It's the only way to get the OP out of this obsessive thinking. We can't control everything, so we might as well let things happen naturally. That's how we can help the OP's emotions escape from these negative emotions.

If you find that these symptoms are affecting your life significantly, it's a great idea to seek professional psychological help. They may be able to help you cope with these symptoms through cognitive behavioral therapy and other treatments.

In the meantime, why not try some relaxation and meditation exercises to help you feel less stressed? It's amazing how relaxation and meditation can help you feel less anxious and stressed, which in turn can help to reduce the impact of obsessive thoughts.

You can try some deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation exercises to help you relax.

Finally, I want to give the OP a big hug! The OP doesn't need to be too hard on themselves. Many times, things just happen, and there's nothing you can do to control them. It's not your fault! The OP's situation is not an isolated case. Many people have experienced similar distress, and with proper treatment and support, they have eventually emerged from this predicament.

It's so important to seek help and support. I truly believe that the questioner is fully capable of overcoming this predicament.

I really hope my answer can help the questioner!

I'd also like to suggest a few other books that I think you'll find helpful.

Mindfulness-based treatment of obsessive-compulsive disorder: The wonderful Jon Kabat-Zinn introduces the concept and methods of mindfulness-based therapy, which helps patients learn to accept their thoughts and emotions rather than trying to control them. This is very helpful in relieving obsessive thoughts.

"OCD: Breaking Free" is a great book by Fred Penzel that offers lots of helpful tips and techniques for managing obsessive thoughts and behaviors. It's a wonderful resource for anyone struggling with OCD.

Living Free: A Self-Help Guide to Overcoming OCD and Anxiety: Written by a psychologist and behavioral therapy expert, this book explains OCD-related knowledge and treatment methods in an easy-to-understand manner. It provides a series of practical behavioral and cognitive therapies, helping patients change their thinking habits and behavior patterns.

Free Yourself: Living with OCD and Anxiety: This book is a real gem! It's written by a doctor who has personally experienced OCD, so it offers a unique perspective and touching narrative that shows readers the difficult process of overcoming OCD. The author combines his own experiences with advice on how he gradually got rid of the distress of OCD through psychological counseling, medication, and family support.

Hello, question asker! I'm June Lai Feng.

Understand your feelings. This obsessive thinking is painful. You still doubt the idea of letting things take their course and doing what needs to be done.

"Let it be, do what needs to be done." This is a way of coping with obsessive thoughts. It does not mean ignoring the symptoms completely. It means accepting them while doing what needs to be done. It takes time and effort to put it into practice.

"Letting go" is an ancient wisdom and a core principle of many psychotherapies, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). The core concept is simple: we cannot control our thoughts, but we can control our reactions to them.

Avoidance and suppression are ineffective strategies for dealing with unwanted thoughts. They often have the opposite effect, making the thoughts more intense and persistent.

First and foremost, "letting things be and doing what needs to be done" means living with the symptoms. However, you don't have to put up with the pain caused by the symptoms. Accept their presence and don't resist them, fight against obsessive thoughts, or try to forcibly eliminate them.

Observe and accept the thoughts as they arise in a non-judgmental, non-resistant way.

"Letting it be" does not mean giving in to these obsessive thoughts or accepting them as your true thoughts or feelings. It means taking note of them with an open and accepting attitude and then choosing how to respond to them.

Distract your attention, engage in relaxation exercises, or reassess the thoughts in a more practical and balanced way.

Second, when obsessive thoughts arise, do not dwell on them. Instead, direct your attention elsewhere. Engage in an enjoyable activity, interact with others, focus on work or study, or whatever suits you.

You can reduce the attention and reinforcement that obsessive thoughts receive by focusing your attention elsewhere. This will help you deal with them more effectively.

You must continue living your life normally, despite the obsessive thoughts. Stick to your usual rhythm and don't avoid or change normal behaviour because of them.

Complete your daily tasks, interact with others, and enjoy other aspects of life. Don't let reminders of someone you dislike stop you.

I understand that this is not always easy to do, especially when you are feeling distressed and overwhelmed. If you find that you are unable to cope with these thoughts on your own, or if they are significantly affecting your daily life and sense of well-being, you must seek professional psychological counseling.

Mental health professionals can help you gain a deeper understanding of the root causes of these thoughts, provide effective coping strategies, and support you in making progress in the recovery process.

You must follow certain principles to understand yourself and practice letting go.

First, recognize obsessive thinking as a symptom, not your essence. Accept its presence and don't fight it or judge yourself.

Second, when obsessive thoughts arise, observe them with an objective attitude. Pay attention to the content, frequency, and intensity of the thoughts, but do not get caught up in them or try to change them.

Once more, detach yourself from the thought. Separate yourself from the obsessive thought and remember that you are the observer, not the one being controlled. Tell the thought, "This is just an idea. It does not represent the real me."

Then, do what you need to do and continue with your normal life and daily activities. Don't stop or avoid doing what you should do because of the thoughts.

Next, be patient. Change takes time, and letting go does not mean that obsessive thoughts will immediately disappear. Give yourself the time and space you need, and trust that the situation will improve over time.

Finally, accept that you cannot eliminate obsessive thoughts completely. Let go of the pursuit of perfection and focus on the overall quality of your life.

You are not alone. Many people have experienced similar struggles. Seeking help is a courageous and responsible act that will help you cope with these challenges and regain control and satisfaction in your life.

The world and I love you!