Why do I always worry about past events, repeatedly thinking about them?

Good day. I am grateful to have this opportunity to connect with you.

It's not uncommon for couples to face similar challenges. It's important to remember that you're not alone in this. While you may not have handled the situation in the most optimal way, it's possible to learn and grow from these experiences.

I hope you will find the following advice helpful, whether you are considering your next relationship or marriage.

(1) When a relationship develops over time and everyone has moved past the initial excitement and is no longer blindly devoted to each other, it's natural for issues to arise. The fact that you've encountered a challenge is a positive sign that you're engaged in the relationship and invested in resolving it. It's important to recognize that these issues are not necessarily a reflection of trust or mistrust, but rather, they're common challenges that many couples face. It's likely that you care deeply about this issue and are seeking a constructive way forward.

It is important to remember that dwelling on a situation and thinking about it repeatedly is not helpful. I have experienced something similar before. My best friend had a better figure than me and liked to flaunt her advantages. I was pregnant at the time and she lived in my house with no sense of propriety. As a result, I became a little depressed during and after pregnancy. I made the decision to leave during the postpartum period. On a cold winter night, I sat on a cold stone bench, crying sadly, not wanting to go home.

I came to understand this later on. I believe that love is not about possession. I cared too much, and I hurt not only him but also myself. I realized that I could only change from within. The idea that opposites attract has been around for a long time. I became better, and I was attractive to not only him but also other people of the opposite sex.

During my confinement, I took the opportunity to focus on my physical health and self-confidence. Gradually, my attention shifted from him to other pursuits. He became more attentive and showed greater care.

I hope that sharing my experience can provide some guidance.

(2) It can be challenging to see things clearly when we're hurt in a relationship. I gently suggest that you consider letting go of the sweet memories and reflecting on the lessons from the past. Going through a relationship can bring valuable insights and growth, even if it doesn't end on a positive note.

Otherwise, you may find that you have wasted your time.

3) It's possible that your boyfriend's leaving may not be entirely because of your best friend, but it will likely have some impact. Men often find it challenging when women are overly concerned, and even if they've done something wrong, they may prefer us to be less paranoid.

It might also be helpful to consider whether the person we like has any character flaws. If so, it could be beneficial to leave a little space for ourselves in the next relationship and to avoid investing all our love in someone else. Having a little space for ourselves can help us to cope with any hurt feelings that arise.

For instance, you might consider activities such as painting or socializing.

I hope you can find it in your heart to let go of the past and move forward with your life. In your next relationship, I encourage you to be mindful of your actions and to avoid repeating the same mistakes. It's important to remember that growth comes from moving forward, not dwelling on past experiences.

It's important to remember that what happened in the past is in the past. You once wanted your best friend to observe him, and we understand the reasons behind that. It's natural for people to look at one another when they're interacting. It's likely that your boyfriend was looking at your best friend, too.

If someone is staring at you, you may find yourself curious about why they are looking at you. This could be because they have a crush on you, have a problem with you, or were sent by your girlfriend to keep an eye on you.

Additionally, he continues to bring up your best friend, indicating that he remains concerned about this matter. He has observed that your best friend is looking at you, which has led to this issue. At the same time, you can also recognize the logic behind this kind of thing.

It's possible that your ex-boyfriend may not necessarily like your best friend, but it's likely that he still cares about this matter. The fact that you are still secretly observing the situation shows that you are also very concerned about this matter and it makes you feel very uncomfortable. It might be helpful to let go of the past.

It's been more than a year since then, and you're still dwelling on that one thing. This may be related to your personality. Perhaps you have a desire for control. I suggest letting go of the past and taking the Life Background Psychological Test to gain insight into your blind spots and help you feel more relaxed in the present.

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Hello, dear question asker!

It's been more than a year since the incident, but you're still waiting for an honest answer from your ex-boyfriend. You're wondering if he broke up with you because he had his eye on your best friend. I can imagine you're probably haunted by the thought of being betrayed, and you don't want to think about it, but you can't get rid of it. While you were still together, you would "collect evidence" of his infidelity and confront him.

His avoidance, saying no but still looking at your best friend, made you feel unsure about him. It's totally normal to want to be reassured in a relationship! You needed to repeatedly get confirmation from him and kept looking for "evidence" to confirm it.

I'm sure you'll agree that what you did wasn't just painful and uncomfortable for you, but also for your ex. Of course, this doesn't involve whether you broke up because of this, and only he knows the real answer.

I just want to say that when a relationship ends, it's because there were problems between you. If you don't resolve these problems in time, they'll lead your relationship in another direction. I'm not blaming you, there's no real right or wrong in a relationship (except for matters of principle), but whether it's suitable.

It seems like you're feeling a bit insecure in your intimate relationship, and you need to feel reassured that your partner loves you and is faithful to you. You even let your best friend monitor your boyfriend for you, hoping that he won't have inappropriate contact with other people.

In a relationship, it's important to remember that excessive control and manipulation of the other person can make them feel uncomfortable and untrusted.

It's okay, what's done is done. You've broken up, and that's that. You might think it's pointless to ask why, but it's okay to ask. Think about how you felt in your last relationship, think about what you thought when you didn't get the answer you wanted from the other person. Think about whether these thoughts and concerns really happened.

Or did it play out over and over again in your mind?

It's so important to give yourself a sense of security. Even if others show you lots of love and support, you might still feel like you're not loved enough and that you could be abandoned or betrayed. It's natural to be sensitive in relationships, but sometimes it can be counterproductive.

I know you're a wonderful person and you deserve to be loved. Try to be more aware of your emotions and love and affirm yourself more. You'll be happy you did!

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

It's totally normal to feel your inner unease, self-blame, confusion, and helplessness in the present.

It's totally normal to dwell on the past sometimes. We all do it! But it seems like you're stuck on this one thing: you think you're the reason your boyfriend broke up with you. You don't trust him and think he's having an affair with your best friend. It's okay to feel this way, but you might want to consider letting go of this matter. By not letting go, you're stuck in the past, and you're blaming yourself and your boyfriend for what happened.

Third, I want to be aware of and determine why I suspect and don't trust my boyfriend. Rationally, I realize that I may be overthinking and lack confidence, but I'd really love to be able to control my subconscious obsessive thoughts!

Since this has already happened, the best thing you can do is try to accept it, face it, and explore what the hidden needs behind the emotions are by going through your own overly tangled emotions. For example, you might want to be understood, forgiven, valued, cared about, accepted, appreciated, or needed.

It's totally normal to have patterns of behavior that affect our lives and work. And it's totally okay to be aware of them, even if we can't control them. But when these patterns are caused by early trauma, it can be really tough to manage.

From what you've told me, it seems like you might be struggling with some issues around self-confidence and feeling secure in your relationships, especially intimate ones. It's totally normal to want to feel like you're the most important person in someone else's life and that there's no one else for them but you. But it can be hard to feel loved and secure when we're not sure that our partner's love is exclusive. I'm here to listen and help you work through this if you'd like.

It's so common for a person's adult patterns in intimate relationships to be a replication and reproduction of the relationship with their parents in their early years in the original family. When it comes to appropriate exclusivity in intimate relationships, it's all out of love. But when it comes to your strong exclusivity in intimate relationships, it's obvious that it's out of self-defense, jealousy, lack of self-confidence, longing to be valued and loved, fear of being rejected and abandoned, and anxiety.

It's totally understandable that you might think this part of your early development was lacking and not well met. It could be that your parents were emotionally neglectful, rejected you, or were insensitive towards you.

So, when you not only see your own patterns, but also understand why you had such traumatic ones, you'll be able to accept, understand, and tolerate yourself. Then, you'll be able to respond to your needs in a better way. And you'll be happy because you'll have grown yourself first, rather than hoping for it from others.

Let's say you want to be treated a certain way in a relationship. You'll probably try to treat yourself that way first. After all, relationships are all about how we interact with each other. So, the way you treat yourself will probably affect how others respond to you with love. At the same time, you'll probably also try to express your needs honestly in the relationship. That's how you'll probably try to be treated.

Hi, I'm Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Pavilion. I just wanted to say that the world and I love you!

I believe the key point of this long paragraph is that you are concerned about whether your ex-boyfriend is attracted to your best friend.

In response to your question, I believe the following may be helpful to consider: 1. It seems that you have repeatedly suspected your boyfriend of having a crush on your best friend, which may have been a contributing factor to the issue at hand. It's possible that your suspicions were unfounded, but it was you who asked your best friend to keep an eye on your ex. As the saying goes, it's important to be mindful of potential risks, whether they be from external sources or from within. This is a matter that requires careful navigation between individuals of different genders.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that you are the one who created the problem in the first place.

2. You may be inadvertently strengthening your best friend's image in your ex-boyfriend's eyes. It's possible that your ex-boyfriend initially paid a little attention to your best friend, but not because he liked her; it was because you made him like her. It's understandable that you focus on whatever you want, and you keep focusing on the fact that your ex-boyfriend likes your best friend. It's natural to feel confident that you will get what you want.

3. It is likely that your ex-boyfriend will end the relationship, because if it were you, would you want a boyfriend who is suspicious and paranoid every day, wondering if he still likes his best friend? It may be helpful to consider whether a man who is insecure and unsure of his feelings is someone you would want to be in a relationship with.

It would be beneficial to consider the following solutions: 1. In social interactions, especially those between men and women, it might be helpful to pay attention to yourself and be less suspicious. Even if you are suspicious, it may be advisable to avoid letting your boyfriend find out. Asking directly to his face could be perceived as a sign of poor emotional intelligence and might result in your boyfriend feeling that you are not attractive. 2. It may be worth considering not taking the initiative to create an emotional crisis, for example, by getting your best friend to get close to your boyfriend.

It would be beneficial to consider the following solution: 1. In social interactions, especially between men and women, it may be helpful to focus on your own feelings and interactions, while also being mindful of your actions and words. Even if you are feeling suspicious, it's important to maintain a sense of trust and openness in your relationship. Directly confronting your boyfriend about your suspicions could potentially lead to feelings of insecurity or distrust, which might not be constructive. Additionally, it's important to be mindful of your actions and words, as initiating emotional crises, such as allowing your best friend to become too close to your boyfriend, could potentially lead to feelings of insecurity or distrust, which might not be constructive.

2. It would be beneficial to focus on self-improvement and enhancing your charm for the opposite sex, which may help to alleviate any paranoia and worry.