Why do I suddenly want to always take advantage of situations?

Hello, I am Xintan coach Fei Yun. I believe that life is a beautiful journey, and it is not so much about appreciation as it is about blossoming.

It's understandable that the everyday things in your life can sometimes cause you distress. When this happens, it's common to feel a sense of comparison, which can lead to feelings of unease, self-blame, and even a sense of shame. This is because the situation may not align with your personal values or the life you aspire to lead. It's natural to question what's going on. Let's take a closer look.

? 1. One could say that life is a cycle.

Life is a cycle, a virtuous or vicious cycle. As you mentioned, before depression and OCD, you were cheerful and confident, but afterwards you became low-key, humble, and depressed.

I believe the main distinction between the two periods in your life lies in the patterns you have formed. Patterns can be habits that have developed over time, such as ways of thinking, feeling, or behaving.

It seems that these patterns are retained because they have a certain protective effect on us.

For instance, your boldness and confidence previously allowed you to gain more knowledge and satisfy your desire to explore the unknown. Conversely, your subsequent niggling and comparisons brought you a desire not to be left out and to fit in.

From what you have shared, it seems that you have a good sense of awareness. It is evident that you are aware of your feelings and that you recognize the current situation is not what you want and should not be your life situation. You have also expressed that you have despaired in the past.

Having this awareness is a positive step forward, as it demonstrates your growing understanding of the impact these patterns have had on you. Based on this awareness, it would be beneficial to maintain a normal state of mind, allow and accept this to happen, so that you can avoid becoming entangled and thus generate internal friction, preventing you from being at peace in the present.

2. It is possible to change patterns.

The cognitive triangle suggests that certain cognitions may influence emotional experiences and behaviors. For instance, gratitude versus complaining, pessimism versus optimism, seeking outside help versus cultivating inner strength, and so on.

It can be unproductive to compare yourself to others. They may have certain advantages, while you may have different needs and circumstances. It's worth exploring these differences and understanding the reasons behind them.

It is often said that gratitude can lead to greater good fortune. Similarly, sharing can also bring about a sense of abundance. These ideas are supported by psychological research. When we focus on what we have, we tend to feel more fortunate and happy. Conversely, dwelling on what we lack can lead to feelings of misfortune and unhappiness.

A person who is willing to share is rich in a way that is not necessarily external or material. It is a richness that comes from within, a sense of vitality and inner abundance. There is no concern that sharing will make him deficient, so the more he shares, the richer he becomes.

It is important to remember that comparison can lead to a negative perception of oneself. The original, grateful and internally rich self is replaced by a sense of deficiency and deficiency-related worries. This can manifest as complaints and grumbles.

It might be helpful to consider that the pattern formed by your worries is related to [self-worth]. It's possible that a person becomes self-doubting and self-negating in comparison because they have a limiting belief, which is "I'm not good enough."

It could be said that good and bad come from one's subjective evaluation of oneself, that is to say, self-worth.

If you would like to change the status quo, it might be helpful to first stay aware and perceive yourself in your daily life. You may find it beneficial to improve your ability to connect with yourself through meditation and mindfulness.

Secondly, you might like to consider enhancing your sense of self-worth by starting with the simplest things. For example, you could try giving yourself positive feedback every day. You might find it helpful to look for one or two bright spots in yourself each day, such as smiling more than you did yesterday, showing kindness to others, or sharing with others.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to cultivate your interests, make some new friends, and create your own exquisite life. This could be a way of moving away from your original unhappy living environment.

The recommended books, "The Power of Self-Growth" and "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," explore the idea that all experiences can be seen as opportunities for personal growth and development.

I hope these words are helpful to you, and I wish the world well.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to follow my personal page, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, question asker!

You feel like you often blame yourself for minor issues, but you often neglect important life events. It seems to have entered a vicious cycle, and the more you dwell on it, the more you seem to lose.

This is causing you a lot of distress and confusion.

Let's see what we can do to help you feel better.

1. The only constant is change. Eight or nine years ago, you were bold, open-minded, confident, and not too worried about the little things.

But now you're weak, humble, low-key, and calculating. From these words, I can see the changes in you.

So, could we take it that you can show weakness at the right time, be mature and stable, and be more astute?

Is this also a positive thing? And is your tendency to say you don't lack money connected to this?

Or if you're not as careful with money, you might be more generous with it, but you might not be able to save as much as you do now.

2. Apart from life and death, everything else is trivial. You say that we often overlook the big events that can shape our lives, and you feel that there are more important events in your opinion.

On the other hand, you still have to deal with a lot of minor issues. These can really take up your time, and you can also feel the fatigue and sleepiness of the person asking the question being weighed down by these things.

So, try to let go of some things first, or start with the things you find easiest to let go of. Or think about when you don't make comparisons between right and wrong, and focus on the comparisons for a set amount of time.

Wouldn't that be a better approach?

3. Accept yourself. Even if you become the person you hate the most, if you encounter someone like that now, would you be able to show more understanding?

No matter who you are or what you've been through, try to make peace with yourself. And follow your heart, but don't go against your conscience.

If you accept yourself for who you are, you may find that things start to improve, or you may have an easier time along the way.

I hope this is helpful. Have a great day!

Hello. I'm listening.

I can see that you like the sunny, cheerful, and uninhibited person you were 7.8 years ago even more. And I can also see that you have some weaknesses, you have a low profile, you are humble, and you are intolerant. I even feel some self-blame and regret when I think about your current weaknesses.

The you of now is you, and the you of the past is also you. Love them both.

1. The environment is more complicated.

The past and the present are both you. There's no reason to favor one over the other. And character changes for a reason.

The environment is changing, and so is the world we know. We know more than we used to, we are dealing with a more complex environment, and we have more options to deal with it.

2. On the road to growth: Summarize your experiences and avoid making the same mistake again.

You can't help but feel sorry for yourself and blame yourself for not noticing it at the time. You should feel happy instead. You didn't know when you had suffered a loss before, but now you do. You also know how to recognize a loss and what tools to use to research it, so you can avoid suffering a loss next time.

This is the path to growth, and you should be happy about it.

3. This isn't nitpicking. You're exploring ways to protect your rights and interests, and you'll become more mature as a result.

This is not a bad box, and I should be compensated. You are upset because you once did not know how to face injustice.

You're not calculating the lack of compensation. You're calculating the fact that before you did not know how to care for yourself and did not know that you should bravely defend your rights and interests in the face of injustice. But now you know, and you have also proven it with practical actions. This is remarkable. This is progress.

4. You will grow up. It will take time.

Growing up is a slow process, and life is a marathon, not a sprint. You will feel less pain and confusion if you stretch out the timeline and look at things in a broader perspective. Just keep moving forward in one direction, and one day you will see the changes in yourself.

5. Accept your emotions.

Don't resist. Every emotion comes with a task, representing your feelings, your thoughts, and your senses. They are not good or bad—they are all your friends.

Listen to them. They are your friends.

I listen.

Dear question asker, My name is Evan, and I am a counselor with the Jingliu school.

From the information provided, it is evident that the questioner is experiencing feelings of self-blame and confusion. The cause of this sudden onset of illness is unclear.

I empathize with the questioner and extend my support.

From a psychological standpoint, it is important to recognize the significant impact that mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorders can have on an individual's emotional state and behavior. Depression, for instance, can manifest as low mood, a decrease in self-worth, and a tendency to self-blame.

Anxiety disorders may result in excessive worry and tension, while obsessive-compulsive disorder may lead to excessive attention to details and rules. However, the core of obsessive-compulsive disorder is the fear of losing control of certain things, which leads to compulsive actions. These symptoms may affect an individual's character and behavior, potentially leading to overly calculating and opportunistic tendencies.

The questioner has indicated that he is currently undergoing treatment for depression and anxiety. It is important to note that this process requires time and patience. I encourage the questioner to be tolerant and patient with himself. Both medication and psychological treatment can help the questioner's condition, but the treatment process may have ups and downs.

Therefore, even if the questioner is already receiving treatment, it may take some time before there are more noticeable improvements.

The individual in question will suffer from a disease, probably care about something, and their past behavior pattern does not allow them to deal with a situation. This results in the individual's denial of their past behavior pattern. Accepting treatment and changing behavior and thinking patterns that the individual finds unacceptable requires hard work and persistence.

The questioner may wish to consider psychotherapy, self-observation, and self-reflection as potential avenues for modifying their behavior regarding excessive calculation of gains and losses. One possible approach could be to record the minor calculations that occur daily and assess their true significance in terms of attention and concern.

Additionally, the questioner may wish to consider reducing anxiety and stress levels through meditation, yoga, and exercise. This could help to mitigate the impact of excessive gain and loss behavior.

From a medical standpoint, mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety disorders, and obsessive-compulsive disorder can impact an individual's character and behavior, leading to excessive calculation and a tendency to take advantage. Treating these illnesses necessitates time and patience, while changing behavior and thought patterns requires effort and persistence.

If the questioner is already receiving treatment, I would encourage them to persevere and continue to make efforts to change their behavior of excessive calculation through psychotherapy and self-reflection.

I hope this information is helpful to the questioner.

Hello, hug! You say you are always comparing gains and losses, but why have you suddenly changed and always want to take advantage?

From your description, I can tell that eight or nine years ago, before you developed depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, you actually had a pretty good personality: you were bold, open-minded, confident, and unpretentious. But now you've become the calculating, weak person you once hated—and you can be something better!

I think it might be related to your illness. It's possible that the central nervous system has been affected in some way, which has led you to realise that you don't actually need it. It's totally normal to feel this way, but try not to blame yourself afterwards. You've got this!

You said that because you are so calculating, you have overlooked the big things in life around you. But you are not helpless! You can do something about it.

First of all, the questioner said that it's like a spell on you, so the questioner can break the spell. It's just like the example you gave about the plane shipping that broke a corner of the box. If it doesn't affect use, we don't need a new box. If it's broken, learn from the experience and know how to deal with it next time we encounter a similar situation. By changing your thinking in this way, you won't be so easily petty — and you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel!

Second, the original poster may have physical problems, so they should deliberately practice more often, be open-minded, and not blame themselves. It's better to compare gains and losses, which is beyond your control. But don't worry! What we can do is continue to cooperate with treatment, and one day it will get better!

You can still go back to the amazing person you used to be, who didn't care about small details. Believe in yourself, don't doubt yourself, don't blame yourself, be kind to yourself, love yourself, and you'll be absolutely fine!

I really hope this helps the original poster! At Yixinli, the world and I love you ??

Good morning.

You mentioned that around eight or nine years ago, before you started experiencing depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, you were a bold, cheerful, confident, and unconcerned person. If you happen to come across classmates who engage in petty and calculating behavior, you might find it somewhat tedious.

Due to the illness, you have unfortunately become weaker, more humble, more reserved, and more cautious in everything you do.

It is important to remember that getting sick is always painful and sad. Mental illness, like physical illness, can change a person's role from that of a "healthy person" to that of a "patient."

I send you a hug from afar, hoping to offer you some warmth and consideration.

Perhaps we could say that the way we face ourselves has changed. If we treat ourselves as healthy people, we might find ourselves demanding of ourselves to be bold, open-minded, confident, and so on. With hard work, we could perhaps achieve these things.

If we view ourselves as patients, we can avoid demanding how a patient should be. Instead, we can encourage the patient to be more tenacious in the fight against their illness. This patient is already doing pretty well.

Perhaps it would be unwise to ask someone whose leg has been broken whether they prefer to run 1,000 meters or 100 meters. Similarly, it might not be helpful to judge whether they have self-confidence or courage based on their choice.

Given the circumstances, it's understandable that he can't run 100 meters. If he can take full responsibility for repairing his injuries and allowing himself to recover to his best condition in the future, that would be a significant achievement. It's important to recognize that your current state of illness is not directly comparable to your previous state of health.

I appreciate your determination to pursue treatment, and your resilience in managing the symptoms of your illness. This approach is commendable.

It is possible that the disease is not yet fully under control, so it may be helpful to allow yourself some leeway in this regard. Once the disease is fully under control, you may wish to consider allowing yourself to be more generous and cheerful.

Please be patient with yourself as you continue to navigate your illness and its challenges. It's a natural coping mechanism that's emerging as you adapt to life's changes.

This could also be a sign that his illness is improving. It may be that being petty requires energy and involves thinking, looking for, and considering.

It's not the airport that broke our suitcase, and we don't believe that the airport should be held responsible for that. Rather, we recognize that our initial reaction was influenced by our desire to recover the lost money. After taking the time to inquire about the incident and gather information, we've been able to shift our thoughts and actions towards a more constructive approach, with the goal of finding a solution.

If you're unable to calculate, and you're becoming numb to everything, it might be helpful to see a doctor to adjust the dosage of the medicine again and continue to strengthen the treatment.

It would be beneficial for us to gain a deeper understanding of our own thoughts and behaviors. If you feel like you have become someone you hate, it is important to recognize that this is not a curse, and that it may be caused by illness.

Depression can often lead to a tendency to look inward for reasons and engage in self-attack and criticism. If this is a significant aspect of your experience, it might be helpful to speak with a healthcare professional about adjusting your medication or exploring further treatment options.

It is worth asking ourselves whether we are in a state of illness or a state of health.

It is not possible to force ourselves to become someone we are not. Instead, it would be helpful to know ourselves better, see ourselves more realistically, and be aware of our needs.

In Wu Zhihong's book "You Are the Answer," she suggests that life often presents us with more than one option and that it is important to recognize the bigger picture. At this time, it may be helpful to focus on our own feelings, embrace the full range of possibilities, and strive to understand and accept ourselves more fully.

You may find it helpful to start believing in yourself and accepting yourself, as this can help to make you more compatible.

I believe the world and I love you, and I think it's important for you to love yourself too.

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your thoughtful inquiry. I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach on the Yi Xinli platform. It is not uncommon for individuals to engage in comparisons between their own gains and losses, leading to a shift in their personal perspectives. There is a tendency to seek advantages through the actions of others, potentially influenced by external factors such as peer pressure. This phenomenon is known as the endowment effect. Best regards, ZQ

If others can achieve it with relative ease, yet you are unable to do so, you may experience feelings of remorse. Conversely, if you and others have achieved it, you may feel at ease. Based on your description, there may be a slight advantage to be gained. For instance, at the airport, your own safe may show signs of wear and tear during the check-in process.

In the event of damage, the airport staff can provide a new safe-deposit box upon request. If one does not proactively seek out this opportunity, it may be perceived as a missed opportunity, akin to a significant loss.

Indeed, when one compares oneself to one's peers or to other individuals and realizes that one has not obtained the advantage, one may experience profound remorse. This phenomenon is known as the endowment effect. It can lead to feelings of intense sadness and regret, prompting the question: Why did you fail to reap the benefits that others could easily achieve?

It is possible that you have not previously exhibited such characteristics. With the passage of time or the accumulation of experience, you may come to recognize that there are numerous instances in life that exemplify this phenomenon.

It is possible that you have not previously considered the possibility that others may possess qualities or resources that you lack.

During our tenure as students, we were essentially homogeneous, engaged in similar activities within the same setting. Our classrooms and instructors were largely identical. Upon entering the workforce, we often become aware of the discrepancies in the distribution of advantages and disadvantages within society.

The degree of harmony observed in other people's original families is noteworthy.

Some individuals are born into affluent families, while others are born in less advantageous circumstances. Despite one's emotional attachment to a particular object or outcome, it is not always straightforward to obtain it. However, there are instances where it is relatively simple to gain what one desires, provided that one is willing to request it.

To illustrate, when dining at a restaurant, some patrons proactively inquire about the availability of complimentary items such as plain water, side dishes, or the option of having melons delivered. These are all potential free services, yet some individuals are hesitant to request them, resulting in a missed opportunity.

In addition to depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder, your character was once characterized by boldness, cheerfulness, confidence, and uninhibited behavior. However, due to the influence of the illness, although you have been receiving treatment, obsessive thoughts and anxiety can also significantly impact a person's character, as obsessive thoughts pertain to matters that are beyond one's control.

Furthermore, anxious words can lead to excessive thinking and a tendency to become entrenched in a negative mindset. In such circumstances, it is not uncommon for individuals to engage in petty behaviors. Therefore, it is crucial to enhance self-regulation and consider seeking psychological counseling. This approach may prove beneficial in addressing character and behavioral issues more holistically.

Please clarify the question.

Hello there!

It's okay if you're feeling down. It's possible that what you're going through is related to depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. These psychological problems can really affect the way you think and your habits.

It's totally normal to experience these psychological problems. They can make you more sensitive and vulnerable, which might make you more likely to be calculating and try to take advantage of others.

Your environment and life experiences can also affect your character and behavior. For example, you may have experienced setbacks or difficulties that have made you less bold, outgoing, and confident, and more cautious and conservative.

This is totally normal! We all grow and change over time and through experience.

If you're ready to make some positive changes in your thinking and habits, we've got some tips that can help!

It's so important to be aware of your problems. We all have them! First, be aware of your problems of being calculating and wanting to take advantage of others. By observing your thoughts and actions and recording them, you can better understand your problems.

It's time to change your mindset! Try to look at things in a positive way, and remember that small things don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

It's so important to develop an attitude of gratitude and focus on what you have, rather than what you don't have.

It's okay to ask for help! Talk to your friends and family about how you're feeling. They'll be there for you, and you'll get some great advice. You can also think about seeing a psychologist or psychotherapist. They'll be able to help you even more.

Cultivate self-confidence and courage! Try to do things you were afraid to do before, such as participating in social activities and learning new skills. You've got this! Gradually cultivate your self-confidence and courage to become more confident and determined.

It's so important to remember that your thoughts and habits don't have to affect your emotions and quality of life. By working to change and cultivate positive thinking and habits, you can get rid of the mentality of being calculating and wanting to take advantage. You'll be amazed at how much happier and more confident you'll feel!

Dear Questioner, It is evident that you are currently facing a challenging situation. I empathize with your situation and understand the difficulties you are experiencing. It is important to recognize that life presents us with various challenges and changes, and your current situation is just one aspect of a larger journey. Best regards, [Your Name]

We can attempt to consider this matter from an alternative standpoint, which may provide new insights.

Firstly, it is important to note that comparing gains and losses and being calculating is a common experience. These emotions and behaviors are not exclusive to a particular individual or demographic.

There is no need to be overly critical or frustrated.

Let us begin with a brief account. Are you familiar with it?

A young man who prided himself on his meticulous attention to detail and keen interest in financial matters came to recognize that a significant proportion of life's circumstances are beyond one's control. He came to understand that an excessive focus on gains and losses can lead to unhappiness.

He thus began to attempt to relinquish these calculations and concentrate on more significant considerations. This narrative illustrates that there are occasions when it is necessary to learn to set aside gains and losses in order to prioritize more crucial values and meanings.

I would like to take a moment to share some insights from the field of psychology.

Gains and losses are a common psychological phenomenon that is influenced by cognitive biases. When faced with a decision, the brain automatically compares the potential gains and losses to inform the decision-making process.

However, this comparison sometimes causes us to focus too much on immediate benefits and ignore long-term benefits. Therefore, it is important to learn to control this urge to compare and focus on what is more important.

Let us now identify the key characteristics behind your emotions and behaviors. It appears that you are overly focused on immediate gains and losses, while neglecting long-term values and meaning.

This behavior may result in the loss of valuable opportunities and experiences. It is therefore essential to achieve a balance and prioritize key objectives.

Finally, we will examine methods for addressing this issue. Initially, it is recommended that you focus on recognizing your inner feelings and needs, as well as understanding your values and goals.

This can assist in better controlling of behavior and emotions. Secondly, relaxation methods such as meditation and yoga can be employed to help achieve relaxation and reduce anxiety and stress.

Additionally, you may wish to communicate with family members, friends, or professionals to seek their support and advice. Finally, if you feel that your problem is more serious, you may wish to seek professional psychological counseling or treatment.

In the meantime, you may wish to consider implementing some self-regulation methods, such as making plans, setting goals, cultivating patience and perseverance, and so forth. These methods can assist in better controlling your behavior and emotions, thereby enabling more effective coping with the challenges in life.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. It is important to remember that everyone has their own growth process and personality orientation, and that we should not be too hard on ourselves.

Provided you are prepared to invest the necessary effort, I am confident you will be able to identify an approach that is right for you and lead a more fulfilling life. I wish you the best of luck!

Hi there, I just wanted to drop you a quick line to say that watching TV dramas can really lift your mood. How are you doing today?

It's natural to feel confused after going through depression, anxiety, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder. It's hard to understand how your personality can change so much. You don't like to be petty about trivial matters, and you know there's no need to be, but you get caught up in the emotions of regret, self-blame, and remorse. You especially want to be able to focus on the big things in life and move forward with courage. Let's explore together to see what's going on.

[Your emotional rollercoaster]

1. Depressed: I didn't realize my checked luggage was damaged until I got home. I couldn't claim compensation at the airport, so I was pretty bummed out.

2. Self-blame: There's nowhere to vent your depressed emotions. If you confide in your parents, you'll associate it with your parents saying that you bought a bargain, which makes you feel like it's all your own problem and that you should have noticed at the time.

3. Remorse: You feel a strong sense of self-blame, which produces feelings of annoyance and remorse. You instinctively activate the psychological defense of "denial" and believe that even claiming compensation is useless. At this time, you turn the compensation you should have received into "taking advantage."

4. Pain: You feel like you've become the kind of person who is "petty and calculating and trying to take advantage." Your self-criticism causes you pain, and you suffer from how you have become like this.

[How to adjust]

1. Accept yourself: It's normal to feel depressed or regretful after something happens. It's okay to express your emotions, write about them, or find the right person to talk to.

2. Accept what happens: You can also talk to yourself – I feel pretty down, so what can I do about it? Why not try asking the airport if you can claim compensation? If not, that's fine, but I'm glad I looked it up online. Next time I check in my luggage, I'll make sure to inspect it before I leave. This time, I gained a new experience.

3. Daily practice: You said that these things often happen in life, so you can find these small things to practice. I feel... emotions, I try to talk to myself and accept myself, I gain... and I grow again.

4. As you keep on accepting yourself, you'll gradually become more and more at peace with yourself. You might even find that your cheerful, confident self has returned. It might take a while, but you've already accepted your current self, so it's worth the wait.

I hope this helps.

I'm your friend, Potato Maling, who has grown up with you. Thanks for your attention.

You used to be so bold, cheerful, confident, and uninhibited, and it was clear that you liked this side of yourself. Now you have become weak, humble, low-key, and calculating in everything you do.

It's totally normal to not like this version of yourself. I'm sure you've changed a lot since you've been unwell. What made you change from the way you like to be to the way you don't like to be?

It's okay, sweetheart. It's just depression and anxiety. You are such a brave and strong child.

You've been battling this disease for seven or eight years now, and you've been so strong and brave the whole time.

Depression and anxiety can be like a demon that follows you everywhere and affects you. But you still long to be a bold, cheerful, confident, and uninhibited person! This shows that although you are troubled by illness, you still long for the sunshine and yearn to be healthy and lively.

You still yearn for the beauty of life, and I know that. But, because of the effects of the disease, your mood has worsened, you are depressed, and sometimes anxious.

It's so hard when the side effects of a disease change your personality like this. It can make you feel weak, humble, low-key, and even calculating in everything you do. It's natural to feel powerless and even hate yourself for it.

I really hope you understand that it's not your fault, and you don't have to worry or be anxious about the side effects. It's like a long-distance runner with a leg injury can't expect to run like lightning.

It's natural to want to be your old self again, but you can't expect someone suffering from depression and anxiety to be as bold, cheerful, confident, and uninhibited as they were before the illness. The change in personality is not something you want, but it's a side effect of the illness.

You don't have to feel pressured or negative about this. It's totally normal to feel this way! Just keep following your doctor's advice and getting treatment. And try to be kind to yourself.

I really hope you can accept your own state. You are actually very good. You are self-aware and have self-awareness. It's so important to remember that there is no such thing as good or bad personality traits. Being cheerful and generous is good, but being cautious is actually also very good.

It's great to be enthusiastic and lively, but it's also wonderful to be quiet and introverted. Do you see it that way?

It's so important to accept yourself, and to see the good in you. Being true to yourself is one of the best things you can do!

Live in the moment and enjoy the beauty of life right now. You're lucky to have a loving family, and it's so sweet that your parents tease you sometimes. It shows that your family is harmonious and friendly.

Your family's material conditions are also very good, and even though you have an illness, it doesn't affect your travel plans. This shows that your life is still pretty good!

You're in a great place to get better! Work with your doctor, adjust your expectations, and accept yourself. You're already doing so much right! Let yourself feel happy and optimistic in your current situation.

It appears that you are currently experiencing a degree of despondency, a sense of being adrift and helpless in the face of the changes and challenges in your life. You previously exhibited bold and confident behaviour, but now you seem to have become more cautious and calculating. This change may be related to your experiences and feelings.

It is important to remember that an individual's character and emotional state can evolve over time and with experience.

First, acknowledge that your emotions are understandable. It is a typical response to experience regret and loss when confronted with the disappointments of life. However, it is also important to learn to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes occasionally, and it is crucial to learn from experience rather than constantly self-critical.

Secondly, it is advisable to adjust your mindset. When you find yourself comparing what you have done with what you have not done, it would be prudent to pause, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, "Is this really that important?"

"How much of an impact has this had on my life?" This will help you to view the situation more objectively and reduce unnecessary anxiety.

Additionally, it is recommended that you reconnect with your previous self by engaging in activities that bring you joy and instill a sense of self-assurance. This could include a trip, a celebration, or the pursuit of a new interest.

These activities can help you to re-establish your self-worth and regain your confidence.

If you feel that you cannot cope with these emotions on your own, you may wish to seek professional assistance. A counselor can provide professional guidance and support to help you better understand yourself and find ways to change.

Please be aware that change does not happen overnight. It requires time and patience. Allow yourself the necessary space and time to adjust gradually, and you will find your own rhythm.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello. I can tell from your description that you're going through a lot.

I'm a psychological counselor, so I'd like to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

Your question is:

Before I got depression, anxiety, and OCD about eight or nine years ago, I was bold, cheerful, and confident, and didn't care about trivial matters. I found it very boring to see some classmates haggling over every little thing and wondered how much they could save by bargaining. But now I'm weak, humble, and low-key, and I haggle over everything. For example, a few days ago, the corner of my suitcase was damaged during check-in. I didn't notice it until I got home, and after checking online, I found that I had to find the staff at the airport at that time to make a claim. Many people were given a new suitcase.

I feel like I've missed out on a lot of opportunities, even though I'm not poor. My parents often complain that I buy cheap stuff, and even if I get a new suitcase, I don't know what to do with it because I already have so many. But I can't help feeling sorry for myself and blaming myself for not having noticed it at the time.

Such examples happen all the time. I often find myself comparing what I have and what I don't have in my daily life, but I don't give enough attention to the bigger things in life that really matter. I've ended up becoming the person I once hated the most, but I'm not sure how to change.

It's like a curse: the more you dwell on what you've lost, the more you feel like you're going downhill. (P.S. I've been getting treatment for depression and anxiety.)

Given your current state of illness, which includes depressive states (such as feelings of self-blame and guilt, as well as a sense of worthlessness) and anxiety states, you're likely to become sensitive and suspicious, and to get caught up in conflicts and contradictions. Obsessive thinking is also a type of generalized anxiety, where you repeatedly think about something and cannot make a decision.

How can I better adjust myself?

First, take some time to get to know yourself. What are your character traits? How is your relationship with your parents? What were you going through before you got sick? Or did you slowly accumulate suppressed emotions until you became ill?

This means being aware of and thinking about your own behaviour. As well as taking medication, you can also choose to have psychological treatment to help you understand the unconscious reasons behind these symptoms.

Next, accept yourself. Your personality has changed, but you still have many advantages: you're outgoing, sunny, and confident, and you're independent. These character traits are still yours, and they're the foundation of your confidence.

It's just that some things have frustrated you, made you feel helpless, or that you can't solve on your own. This has caused you to escape and avoid, and has led to a lot of self-deprecation, self-doubt, and a sense of worthlessness. You need to accept these feelings and learn to express your thoughts so that your family, friends, and doctor can see, hear, and understand your inner world. This way, they can support and help you.

Third, learn to love yourself. The current situation is causing you distress. Take the medication as prescribed, understand your inner thoughts, live in the present, do things that make you feel comfortable and happy, learn to express and communicate, and also allow yourself to choose a comfortable way to rest, adjust, learn to release pressure, stay relaxed, and quietly pay attention to yourself. This state of mind can be adjusted.

The world and I love you. You just need to learn to love yourself, understand yourself, accept yourself, and work with doctors and psychologists on medication, physical therapy, and psychological therapy. This can help you get out of trouble, face conflicts positively, and find solutions to problems. Go for it!

Good day. The formerly cheerful and confident individual has now become reserved, overlooking key matters, leading to a sense of losing ground in life and uncertainty about how to alter this trajectory. I empathize with your frustration, anxiety, and confusion.

You focus on the specifics of what you have lost, which leads to feelings of profound regret.

Your daily comparisons of gains and losses have the effect of neglecting the important factors that shape your life, which in turn leads to feelings of resentment. This kind of calculating behaviour creates a vicious circle that makes you feel like life is going downhill.

Furthermore, you have indicated that you are currently undergoing treatment for depression, which may have an impact on your emotional state.

Your situation is similar to my own in that I have also become more calculating over the past few years. However, my calculations are based on a different set of factors. I consider the energy and effort I put in.

My change of heart was prompted by an incident at my workplace that left me feeling disheartened. When I first started working there, I was known for my conscientiousness and responsibility. However, after the incident, I came to view my past efforts as inadequate and ceased working as diligently as I had before.

If you are concerned with gains and losses, it is likely that you have recognized that a previous lack of concern has become an issue. However, you are aware of your own challenges.

Indeed, the primary reason for our increasing self-deprecation is often the realization that our abilities are no longer sufficient as we age.

In business, it is sometimes advisable to adjust expectations to improve efficiency. The inclination to prioritize gains and losses may stem from a lack of security.

When we devote an excessive amount of attention to a single issue, it can result in the neglect of other crucial matters. This can lead to the perception that one is missing out on minor details.

It is recommended that you first accept your emotions, then try to change your way of thinking. When you find yourself dwelling on things, try to shift your focus to positive things. Gradually learn to accept the imperfections of things as they happen, try to be more tolerant of the little things in life, don't expect too much perfection, don't pay too much attention to details, and focus on the present. You can recall the experiences of the bold and lively you once were, and think back to what state you were in during that period.

I hope you will be able to overcome the anxiety that is troubling you and return to a happy state of mind soon.

Hello, I'm Yu, a heart exploration coach, and I'm going to discuss this topic with you.

Let's talk about emotions first.

As the saying goes, "An illness comes like a landslide, but goes like a slow process of silk unwinding." No illness comes overnight. You will recover soon, and you will do so with time and patience.

People live in a state of constant comparison. It is inevitable that the questioner will unconsciously compare themselves with their past selves. Comparison can bring about either confidence or inferiority. When it brings about inferiority, a negative self-image will slowly form, distorting one's self-image. This will be followed by cognitive, emotional, and out-of-control behaviors.

The questioner is currently experiencing emotional anxiety caused by a low self-evaluation.

We must explore our inner selves. We must ask ourselves what our hearts truly need when we compare what we have done and what we have not done every day. We must also ask ourselves what we really want.

I will become the person I want to be to make myself happy. You can also ask yourself, "If I hate myself, who is the real me?"

Then become aware of yourself and write about your strengths and weaknesses. You have strengths, including being bold, cheerful, and confident. You also have weaknesses. When writing about your weaknesses, say, "I accept my XX shortcomings, and I love myself." With repeated practice, you will build self-confidence.

Let's talk about comparison.

The original poster mentioned that a few years ago, they had depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a type of anxiety disorder characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. Obsessive thoughts cause discomfort, and people with obsessive-compulsive disorder engage in compulsive behaviors to eliminate the discomfort and feel better.

People with obsessive-compulsive disorder often exhibit three distinct behavioral patterns: excessive washing and checking, a tendency towards perfectionism, and a need for routine and structure.

The current situation the questioner is experiencing every day is a form of behavior that involves repeated checking and comparison and the pursuit of perfectionism.

However, you can improve your state of mind in your daily life by adjusting it. One thing will not have life-or-death consequences. Therefore, ask yourself, "Are the standards I have set too harsh?" Lower your expectations and face the task at hand with a more relaxed state of mind.

Distraction is also an effective method for improving your situation. When you're faced with a situation that evokes a negative emotional response, take a deep breath, recognize that you have the power to choose how you respond, and redirect your attention to something else, such as listening to music or stretching. Meditation and mindfulness are also excellent tools for relaxation.

Love yourself.

First of all, the questioner mentioned that he has been receiving treatment. You must find some time to have a follow-up examination to help you understand your current situation.

Negative emotions will impact your life, but you can take control. The questioner has promptly recognized their emotions and has clear values. Start by caring for yourself, your body, and your feelings.

Seek help if you need it. This matter is troubling you, so it's not easy to overcome it immediately. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, find a counselor. Emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

Keep an ordinary heart, think about the once cheerful and lively self, spend more time in contact with real nature, and have more opportunities to experience real human relationships. All of these are life experiences and all of them are wonderful parts of your life.

Read "Mindfulness, the Present is a Flower."

Hello, I'm Xia Fan, your therapist. I can sense the distress and suffering caused by your illness. I want to give you a comforting hug. Watching yourself slowly become the person you dislike, calculating gains and losses, it seems that you feel frustrated and lost inside.

Sometimes you may feel that you are unable to change the situation, and I can understand how you might feel that way. Perhaps we could try to analyse it from the following aspects:

It is admirable that you have been suffering from depression and anxiety for eight or nine years and have been actively seeking treatment. You have been working hard for your health, and your efforts are commendable. If you feel it would be helpful, you can also consider seeking help from psychological counseling.

You mentioned that before you got sick, you were a cheerful and confident person who didn't care about small details. This also makes people curious about what kind of story you went through in the middle that caused you to change so drastically. Perhaps from these past experiences, we can find the reason why we are powerless to change the status quo.

On the other hand, you may sometimes feel that your actions could be perceived as petty or even as taking advantage of others. From the example you gave about the suitcase, it seems that you are genuinely interested in fighting for your rights because you feel that your own interests have been damaged.

You also feel remorse and self-blame for having missed the opportunity to fight for it. I want to offer you a hug. From between the lines of your words, I can sense the conflict and suffering within you.

I believe that, to some extent, your current situation is a result of your depression and anxiety disorder. However, I also see that you have a strong desire to improve your situation quickly, regain your former sense of self, and become the person you want to be.

I would like to suggest two books that I think you might find helpful: Meeting the Unknown Self and Rebuilding Your Life. I hope you will find them useful, and I wish you all the best!