32-year-old single woman, unstable job, mortgage, feeling disappointed in oneself?

"My parents are getting on in years and are anxious about my marriage. My mother is particularly concerned about losing face, and she is depressed about the whole situation.

This is really stressful for me. My parents think I'm selfish and don't consider their feelings.

My parents' relationship wasn't great either. My father is honest but not great with money. My mother is more dominant and has had a tough life.

This makes me particularly dislike honest people, and I'm also afraid of the hard work that comes with marriage.

...

"Extracting your description shows the core of your problem: 1. "Older, single, young woman": This is an issue that causes more anxiety than being a single man, and it's becoming a social problem.

You're facing career confusion, marriage confusion, and life dissatisfaction, and it's all starting to feel a bit overwhelming. But you need to take a step back and figure out what you really want.

You own a house and your job just happens to pay the mortgage, but this may put a bit of financial pressure on you. So, think about whether there's room for improvement in your current job. It's probably safer to first secure your career than anything else.

2. Anxiety about marriage: Love is predestined, but sometimes it doesn't come when you're waiting for it, and you can't meet it, so you feel anxious inside. There's nothing you can do about it. You're restricted by the social circle of your work and the limits of your living environment, so you can only hope for a matchmaking meeting.

Don't write matchmaking off just yet. It's also a great way to expand your social circle and meet more people. You might even find the right person to develop a relationship with. So, aim for free love, and if that doesn't work out, then matchmaking is a good option. Entering into marriage isn't as scary as you might think.

3. When it comes to parents, only children often feel more anxious because they don't have anyone to help them take their mind off things. Parents also hope that their children will be happy and have grandchildren soon.

This is the happiest thing for the older generation, and they feel even more anxious when they see that everyone else's family is happy. But you can't force this to happen. You need to take care of yourself and understand your parents; they are not easy people.

No matter what kind of personality your parents have, the fact that they're your parents is something you can't change.

There are so many negative emotions. Sending hugs your way. In the adult world, there's no such thing as an easy solution.

First, two words: "Hang in there!" These words can really help you out.

The day before, I was really stressed at work and in tears. But this afternoon, I came to offer you support.

This shows that everyone actually has a hard time living. But we can support and encourage each other, lift each other up, and keep the flame of hope alive as we navigate this challenging world.

Also, let them know that you'll be okay, just like I was. Maybe after a good night's sleep or something happy happening, your emotions will disappear. Don't deny that love exists in this world.

I think it's fair to say that if there were no love in the world, many people would be inclined to move on.

When you're feeling down, do something that makes you happy. If cooking isn't your thing, order takeout. If you've been holding back from spending money, go ahead and treat yourself. If there's something you've been putting off buying, just go ahead and do it. Treat yourself today because you deserve it.

What's the harm in that?

It's always good to share ways to cope with difficult emotions. For instance, when you're feeling sad, it can be helpful to find a friend to talk to. It's likely that your friend won't refuse to listen to you and may even empathize with you, saying something like, "I feel the same way." Even if some friends don't offer comfort, they may still be able to help you find ways to feel happier.

You can also ask your married friends. Most young people your age who are married these days will say that you shouldn't get married unless you really like the person. It's actually quite strange. Very few young people who are married say how great marriage is. The usual response is that it's just so-so, and you get by.

Or, if things go well, it's possible that if you hadn't met him, you wouldn't have gotten married either. There's nothing wrong with being single. This isn't to say that you shouldn't get married, but sometimes you just have to look at the bright side and think about the good things about not getting married at the moment.

Sometimes we can only be a bit of a Qiqi when there's nothing we can do. Best to just let it go. If it's not meant to be, it's not your fault.

If someone says something unkind about you, remember to stand up for yourself, then let it go. There's no need to punish yourself for other people's mistakes.

It's fair to say that this whole parent thing is quite difficult. But you could also ask your parents if they'd be happy if their daughter was unhappy after marrying someone blindly. If they'd be happy, then you'd be willing to do it.

Put your parents' needs first, and if you're unhappy, you can always get a divorce.

If your parents say they're happy, it means you're not selfish, but they are. If they're not happy, it means you're being cautious and not selfish. You've explained clearly to them that you wanted to get married, but unfortunately, there's no suitable candidate.

It's tough to say if it's the parents or the kids who are being selfish here. If we're saying all women in the country are great and not selfish, why doesn't the country just say women should marry anyone and have kids?

So this issue isn't really about selfishness. It's difficult to untangle. It's possible that the parents are also feeling anxious, but you are feeling anxious too.

Finally, do your best at work, and you'll have the confidence to do so when you have money. It's only natural to focus on your career first, and it's understandable.

Also, try to spend more time after school learning some new skills. I think you know exactly what you want to do in the future.

Keep at it, put in the work, and stay strong. The future isn't as daunting as you might think. You've already faced the college entrance exam, which is intimidating, but you made it through, right? Think about all the challenges you've overcome in life.

Yes, I believe you are brave and wise, so you can do it. You just need to believe in yourself! Come on!

Answer:

Hello?

Your words show how hard you're struggling. You're under a lot of pressure from work, self-growth, and your parents. It seems like you're at your limit. What gives you strength to keep going?

Your words moved me. I admire your strength in holding on to your identity. It's not easy for a girl to be so independent in this society.

It's never easy. Parents often don't support us, and they pressure us to save face and relieve their anxiety.

You want someone to help you when you're tired and vulnerable. What strengthens you in these times?

If you're tired, talk to someone. If you can't find anyone, call a hotline. Sometimes, when we let go of our worries, we feel stronger.

What does Aixue want to share about your work and life?

[Work]

You've thought about each job change carefully. If you're unhappy now, it doesn't mean you made a mistake. It just means you need time to adapt.

It can be scary to step outside our comfort zone. But it's okay, we can do it!

[About the relationship]

If we keep meeting people, we can get into a rut. The more guys you meet, the less you seem to find the right one. Aixue suggests that you take a break and calm down. When you calm down, you may be able to see more clearly and know what kind of other half you want.

Then you can find the right person.

[About your parents]

You mentioned your parents' emotional state and roles in their marriage. You said your dislike of honest people is influenced by your mother. This shows you're great.

Your mother's influence makes you dislike honest people. Be more objective when evaluating the opposite sex.

Your father is not always honest, but your mother makes him seem that way. Sometimes, your father's honesty is just a way of protecting your mother.

You may feel their relationship is happy.

[About your parents' expectations]?

We must separate ourselves from our parents and establish a clear boundary.

Your parents' anxiety is part of your relationship problems, but it's not yours. They can't deal with their emotions, so they transfer them to you.

If we realize some emotions aren't our own, we have to tell ourselves, "This isn't mine, I don't accept it." (We must first make ourselves feel better. If we can't accept this part of them, we might as well refuse it.)

When parents realize their emotions don't affect you, they may be less anxious.

My mother's criticism is harsh, but her reasoning is the same as mine. She wants the best for me, but sometimes it's because I'm too good. She's afraid that if I'm too good, I'll grow up to be too far away from her, so she uses harsh words to make me more like her.

I admire you for earning your own money to buy a house. It's not easy, but you've been walking your own path. I hope your future will be even better, and I hope my sharing will help you see your strength.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker. I'm happy to answer your question. From what you've said, it seems like you're facing a lot of pressure from your emotions and your workplace. The oatmeal bear can't really offer much practical help in this case. It can be tough to feel like you need to be there for everyone around you, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can really take care of yourself.

Given the current economic situation, it's probably not the best idea to change jobs. It's better to maintain a relatively stable income for now. It's also worth being realistic about what you can achieve.

If you can't increase your income, learning to reduce living costs is a good skill to have. Adjusting your lifestyle and stepping away from your fantasies will help you adapt to a more challenging situation.

Anyway, I want to talk about my views on relationships. I'm 32 years old, and I'm basically looking for marriage. I understand that I need to bring something valuable to the table. The three main things to consider in a modern marriage are economic factors, reproductive factors, and emotional factors. Understanding your own characteristics in terms of economic constraints and speaking from the heart will help you decide who you can be with. Emotional factors can be divided into growth and companionship, which determine how long two people can stay together. Understanding the functions of these three main factors of marriage will be useful when you're choosing a spouse.

It's worth thinking about the survival of the fittest principle when you're choosing a partner. I like a lot of things, but there are a few things I really dislike. If you can identify what you dislike most, you can use the rest for experimentation, which will expand your dating pool and make the process go more smoothly. In short, you are living your life for yourself, not for others.

I'm happy to have an appointment. 1983. The world and I love you!