A 4-year-old who has been unable to reason since the age of 3?

It's important to remember that there's nothing inherently wrong with the children themselves. It's simply that the age difference between them is relatively small. Traditionally, it's considered ideal to have only one child before the age of three, although some experts suggest that a gap of five years or more might be beneficial.

It's understandable that your eldest child is only 4 years old, and your youngest is less than a year old. This means that you got pregnant when your eldest child was about 2 years old. From then on, you couldn't play with her recklessly, couldn't run with her happily, couldn't kick with her, and couldn't even give her a big hug properly. When she saw her classmates running towards their mothers, she may have felt a sense of worry about the little brother in her mother's belly, the little brother in her mother's arms. Of course, you probably didn't think it was that exaggerated, but in her life of more than 2 years old, in her perception, she may have felt that her love was being taken away.

And it seems that what adults do may also confirm this.

It is also important to consider the feelings of helplessness and grievance that can arise in adults. The arrival of a second child is often seen as a matter of fate, and it is not too late to address these feelings. It may be helpful to focus on providing a sense of security and stability for your eldest child, who is also four years old.

Every day, when I come home, I greet my eldest son first and look him in the eye. I tell him, "My dear, Mommy and Daddy love you both, and you are Mommy and Daddy's big baby!"

When the older child and the younger child have problems, it might be helpful to explain to the younger child that the older child is the older brother and that we should listen to the older brother. At the same time, it could be beneficial to show the older child affection and explain that you are the older child of your parents and the older brother (or sister) in the family. Your mother is very grateful that you can be her older child and help her educate the younger child together. In this family, you are the older brother and he will always be your younger brother. It's important to remember that he needs to listen to you, and you also need to love him.

In the event of a conflict between the two children, it would be beneficial to prioritize calming their emotions, being tolerant of them, and understanding their perspective. Finally, it may be helpful to reason with them.

I can imagine it must be quite challenging for you at the moment. I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed when I was raising one child on my own, let alone two, and they were so close in age. It's true that children need the warmth and security of their parents most before they turn six. However, I've found that things do get easier as they get older.

If I might make one more suggestion, this is a spiritual practice, and I wish you the best!

The issue is not with the reasoning, but with the individual in question; the behavior is not indicative of willfulness, but rather a manifestation of grievance.

It is important to note that this is not a psychosomatic issue. It is simply a feeling of being confronted with a gap or a more normal situation. In this case, it appears that the second child is experiencing a sense of disconnection from their parents, particularly in terms of love and affection. This can manifest in various ways, including disobedience, anger, and a lack of willingness to listen to parental guidance.

I must take issue with your recent behaviour, which has included yelling and hitting.

It is important to acknowledge feelings and specific thoughts.

It is likely that this also applies to children. However, it is still important to acknowledge their feelings and thoughts. If there are clear factual allegations, a positive response is required, and the attitude should be appropriate.

Outline the circumstances and aim to gain acceptance of the current situation.

It is clear that the second child will receive more care and attention, which will inevitably result in an imbalance in the amount of time and attention given to each child. In order to address this issue, a serious explanation must be provided, particularly in response to the conclusion that the child is no longer feeling loved.

It is important to acknowledge and forewarn of potential issues such as neglect, vaccinations, and having the appropriate explanations ready when they arise. This approach can facilitate understanding and agreement.

In addition to the possibility of neglect, there may also be a feeling of exclusion.

It is possible that the child is not responding to his requests because he feels excluded from the action. He may perceive that you are constantly occupied with the second child, which makes him feel less included and less likely to attract your attention.

Delegate tasks to him.

If sufficient attention is not paid, the child will attempt to compensate by taking on additional responsibilities. Allow him to participate in the care of the second child in a formal capacity, such as taking a diaper or providing a physical comfort, and observe his ability to do so. The primary objective is to foster a sense of belonging and recognition within the team, while also enhancing his experience of being noticed.

It is simply a matter of providing more verbal reprimands, issuing a few more commands, and demonstrating a certain attitude. Given the limited time available for play and accompaniment, it is inevitable that the child will compare himself to the second child to some extent.

It is important to note that children do not have the capacity to engage in complex thought processes. They require proximity to their parents, as you have acknowledged. Should the outcome not meet expectations, it may be beneficial to take a step back and assess the underlying needs that are driving the lack of proximity.

Hello, young lady. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help.

You are experiencing some family problems. Let me give you a warm hug again.

You need to ask the eldest child when you and your husband wanted the current second child.

The arrival of the second child may make her resentful.

It is likely that after the arrival of the second child, you and your husband have given almost all of your energy and time to the second child.

This will undoubtedly mean less attention for the eldest child.

She is unhappy again, so she will regress.

She will retreat into her disobedient, immature state because you and your husband will pay more attention to her when this happens.

Let your husband take care of the eldest child while you focus on the second child to reverse her current disobedient state.

Tell her, "When your second child grows up, he or she will play with her. Even if you and your husband grow old and one day pass away, she and your second child can rely on each other."

Your eldest daughter will become the big, well-behaved sister she once was when she feels the love and care from you and your husband.

I am confident that an effective solution to the problem you are facing will be found soon.

That's all I have to say.

I am the answer, and I study hard every day. I hope my above answers are helpful and inspiring to you, young lady.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

The subject is a mother of two children, aged four and less than one year old. Since the age of three, the older child's temperament and character have undergone significant changes. Previously, she was obedient and sensible, demonstrating an ability to listen to reason. However, she currently displays a lack of concern for adult input. This behavior change has caused the mother considerable distress and confusion.

I am Wang Li, a psychological counselor and teacher at the National Parenting Demonstration Base. I can fully comprehend the distress and anxiety you are currently experiencing. Initially, you observed a shift in your eldest child's temperament and character at the age of three, which coincides with the period of pregnancy with your second child and the subsequent birth of your second child. Consequently, the disobedience exhibited by your eldest child may be attributed to the advent of your second child.

What changes in the eldest child's mind occur when the mother is pregnant with the second child and the second child is born? An analysis of this phenomenon may yield insight. For example, the eldest child may experience feelings of worry and concern, such as "My mother has a second child, so she doesn't love me anymore. Why does my mother want a second child?"

The birth of the second child has resulted in the eldest child being deprived of the exclusive love of her mother, which has led to feelings of psychological gap, jealousy, and abandonment.

The behavior of the eldest child throwing tantrums and being disobedient is a regression. It is a signal to the parents, an attempt to attract their attention and the love she feels she is losing. She throws tantrums, shouts, cries, and disobeys, and when the parents become anxious, they take a variety of measures and focus their attention on the eldest child. At this time, the eldest child has the opportunity to regain the love of the parents from the competitor (the second child).

Jane Nelson, a renowned educator, posited that children are highly perceptive and acutely aware of changes within the family unit, particularly when their mother's attention shifts. They strive to regain their mother's attention but, constrained by their limited cognitive abilities, resort to actions that adults may perceive as irrational.

When parents comprehend the subconscious motives of the eldest child, it is imperative that they refrain from reprimanding the child for these "troubles." Instead, they must assuage the child's emotions and assist the child in overcoming the psychological imbalance. The primary approaches are as follows:

1. It is advisable to invest time in assisting the elder child in psychologically accepting the new baby.

It is a common parental practice to pledge to the eldest child that one will continue to love them as much as before after the arrival of a second child. However, the reality is that the parents require more energy to care for the younger child, which may lead the eldest child to perceive that their parents have not fulfilled their promise. This can result in feelings of resentment and hatred towards the second child. Therefore, it is preferable for parents to be transparent with their eldest child and inform them that when the second child is still young, they will need to dedicate more time to caring for him, which may limit the amount of time they can spend with the eldest child as before.

Nevertheless, parents may mitigate the psychological disparity by ensuring that the eldest child receives tangible expressions of affection, such as hugs, kisses, and physical contact, at all times. Additionally, the eldest child can be encouraged to participate in the care of the second child, which may foster a stronger bond between the two children and the parents during the process of parent-child interaction.

2. Acceptance of the child's regressive behavior is essential.

Despite the considerable psychological work that parents may undertake in the early stages, it is not possible to completely eliminate the psychological gap that exists between themselves and their children. During this period, it is crucial for parents to refrain from scolding or hitting their children, as each instance of such disciplinary action will gradually erode their child's sense of security, leading to an ever-widening rift that cannot be repaired. Instead, parents must adopt a patient and reassuring approach, demonstrating a greater understanding of their children's needs.

Dabao also requires a process of psychological adjustment and adaptation. Once her psychological concerns regarding parental neglect or abandonment are addressed and she feels secure, her regressive behavior will likely diminish.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove beneficial to you and facilitate continued communication with your child.

"The world and I love you!"

Hello, questioner! I'm Shushan Wenquan, and I'm here to help! Let's learn to be our own spiritual gardeners and watch over the spring blossoms and autumn fruits together!

From what you've told me, you're now a mother of two! Your eldest is four years old, and your youngest is almost one. It sounds like your eldest has had a big change in temperament since the age of three, mainly in the form of "not listening to reason" and other "rebellious" behavior.

You've taken some steps in response, but then regretted them afterwards.

As a mother, you're probably feeling a bit worried about this and would love to hear some suggestions on how to "change your child's current situation" or ways to "communicate with your child."

I can tell you're a great mom! I can sense that as a mother of two children, you have doubts about how to get along with your children and educate them; that you love your child but can't help but "discipline" him; that you worry about him having psychological problems, etc. Being a good mother is really not easy, but you're doing a great job!

As an educator, I'd love to share some of my thoughts on childhood, education, and relationships.

1. Try to understand children aged 3-6. It's so important to understand the laws of their physical and mental development, and to grow with your child.

Children are born to parents, and every parent thinks they know their child very well. But this is not always the case! Children and adults are from two different worlds, and there are significant differences in the way they think, the way they view things, and their understanding of the world.

Four-year-olds are still in the "egocentric" stage of cognition, which means they view the world through their own eyes. It can be tricky for them to see things from another person's perspective.

This is probably one of the main reasons why they are unable to understand reason. It's okay, though! We all have to learn things in our own way.

It's also important to remember that children change a lot in the first few years of life. It's natural for adults to want to compare kids to what they were like as kids, but it's important to remember that kids are different now! The Ministry of Education has some great resources online, like the "Learning and Development Guidelines for Children Aged 3-6." These guidelines help us understand the different ways kids think and act at different ages, as well as how we can support their growth as parents.

Raising children is a bit like growing flowers. You've got to understand the properties and preferences of the flowers themselves, and know the rules of care, in order to grow them well. Children are a thousand times more complex than flowers, so it's really important to make an effort to listen to and understand children, and understand the rules of growth, so that they can be raised easily and with half the effort.

2. It's so important to have a good understanding of how children aged 3-6 learn best. For little ones under the age of 6, the best way to learn is through playing and imitating.

Reasoning is just one more way to help kids learn.

Children and adults think differently, and that's a beautiful thing! Language is just one way to express ourselves, and it's not the most important one. Kids connect and interact with their parents and others around them in a way that's more through actions, emotions, and inner experiences and feelings.

It's so lovely when children are "obedient" before they're three. They're still in that critical period of oral language development, and they're naturally interested in language. Plus, in real life, the language parents use to communicate with their children is more of an instructive and emotional nature.

It can be tricky to communicate with your little one. For instance, explaining why they need to behave a certain way and what might happen if they don't can be difficult for them to grasp. So, how can you connect with your child?

It's so important to support and satisfy the needs of young children so they can gain experience through direct perception, practical operation, and personal experience to the greatest extent possible.

On top of that, there's also the possibility that the birth of a younger child might lead to a bit less attention being paid to the older child. If this isn't handled well, the older child might feel a bit lost and anxious inside. They might even misbehave to get your attention! But don't worry, there's a way to make things better. Playing with both children and giving them the attention they need is a great way to promote good education.

We highly recommend reading the book The Power of Play.

3-In the parent-child relationship, parents are always the dominant party. But don't worry! The cause of a child's problems and the solution to them can both begin with reflecting on and changing one's own words, deeds, and mannerisms.

By now, you should know that what we need for the eldest child is not direct "advice on how to change the child's current situation." What we really need is an indirect method of how parents can act, and then the child will change. In other words, it is only after the parents have changed that the child will change.

It might be helpful to think about how the family treated the eldest child after the birth of the younger one. How would he feel if he were in their shoes?

I think it would be really lovely if you could find a moment to have a little chat with him privately and just listen to what he has to say about the baby and the parents. I know you can do it!

What role does the eldest child play in the relationship between parents and siblings? Is he a bit of a troublemaker, or does he feel like he's not really needed, or what?

What role should he play as a member of the family? He should absolutely remain a child loved by his parents, a good brother (or sister), a child in the kindergarten class, or whatever he wants to be, and be able to receive love and attention and feel that he has his own value.

Through these reflections, you'll see what adults need to do. For example, show your love and treat everyone equally through your actions. Create opportunities for him to realize his own value.

Erikson's social development theory also says that 4- to 7-year-olds should have the chance to feel a sense of purpose through their own autonomy. If they can make this transition successfully, they'll gain a sense of autonomy. If it's not quite there yet, they might feel a sense of "guilt." So, it's important to give them lots of opportunities to do things on their own.

I really hope this analysis is helpful for you. I wish you a happy life!