A child is 10 years old and afraid of being controlled. How can one help him?

Hello, question asker. I can see that you're struggling and confused. You can see that your child is under a lot of pressure, and you feel very sorry for him. You're wondering if you've done something wrong, but on the other hand, you feel that you have to do something because the pressure in the big city is so great that you cannot just ignore it.

These two thoughts make it tough to know what to do in the moment. How can you balance them?

What should you do?

Let's work through this together. On the one hand, you feel like your child is screaming in his sleep, "Leave me alone, Mum!"

The pressure on your child is making you feel pretty sad and upset. Do you think you might be meddling a bit too much? I wonder what the last ten years of your child's life have been like.

You say your child is a bit of a school-refuser, but he can still learn on his own when it comes to things that interest him. It's clear you care about your child's learning and are willing to understand him, but as he grows up, he may not be able to stand your "control" anymore.

You might be feeling a bit sad and worried about this.

On the other hand, the pressure in big cities is intense, and it seems like you really can't do without hard work. You can feel your anxiety in this regard.

This anxiety isn't specifically related to your child, but you feel like you have to start early for your child's sake. It seems like you might be feeling insecure, worried, and fearful about the future.

Or is it about controlling your life and making it better for your child through their hard work?

First, recognize that these anxieties are your own, and then think about what kind of state you want your child to achieve. Can you discuss these things with your child, and what kind of state does your child want to be in?

It might be a good idea to let the child take the lead in learning so that they can learn on their own and enjoy the process.

It can be tough to face these anxieties head-on, but your child might be the push you need to start growing. Taking a look at your own anxieties and learning to take responsibility for them, rather than putting the pressure on your child, is a great first step.

You came here to ask a question and you were able to see the courage you need to make a change. You realized the pressure on your child and your own sadness. This is already the start of something new.

Wishing you the best.

Hello! I'm Jia Peng, and I'd love to give you a hug and chat with you.

Erikson's personality social development theory says that kids around age 10 are going through a lot of changes. They're starting to think about school and how they fit in. This can be a tough time for many kids, who might feel like they're not as good at school as they used to be. It's totally normal for kids to feel this way!

This is actually a really important time for your child to develop and establish their self-esteem. They're starting to try to make their own decisions, which is a wonderful thing! It's so important to listen to their thoughts and not be overly critical.

It would be really helpful to try to see what motivates your child in this situation. You say that your child always likes to go to his hometown because he can relax when his parents are not around.

It's so sad when a child feels like his parents are absent. Maybe he only sees homework and studying in his daily life and feels like there's no time for anything else.

When he says, "Mom, I want to take a break, I don't want to do my homework," your response is, "What do you want to do then? Look at the others, they're all doing their homework," or "I promised the child a break, but in the middle of the conversation, I start to persuade the child to study again." It's okay, we've all been there! In his hometown, at his uncle's house, he can feel the love, care, and empathy of others, which he doesn't get at home.

Dreams are a wonderful way for the subconscious to release all those pent-up emotions and incomprehensions. In dreams, these emotions are expressed in a way that's disguised, but still recognizable.

Let him release his bad emotions. And secondly, your child's studies are his own business. You can't interfere with whether he studies or not. It depends on him, and you can try to guide him.

You say that studying in a big city is stressful, but you can't ignore it. So why not simply give your child the initiative of learning? Your main job is to accompany and guide, and you can't decide your child's life and work.

I'd also love to suggest that you read "Give Your Child a Sense of Security for Life" to help you understand your child's thoughts a little better.

Warmest regards!