After arguing with someone, I've been holding in my anger, feeling extremely upset. What should I do?

Dear Sir/Madam, I have carefully read your description and I understand your concerns. You are worried about the potential consequences of your neighbor not dealing with the sand, as well as the possibility of conflict with your family. It seems that you are experiencing anxiety and stress due to the anticipation of future conflicts, even though they have not yet occurred. I would like to suggest that you try to relax and avoid dwelling on the imagined conflicts. It is important to remember that conflicts are a normal part of life and that they do not necessarily lead to negative outcomes. I hope this advice helps. Best regards, [Name]

Individuals who feel insecure are often reluctant to engage in conflict and may experience anxiety and difficulty when confronted with it. They may also be hesitant to enter into a conflict because they lack the emotional resilience and support systems to navigate it effectively. They may perceive a conflict as an uncontrollable situation that could potentially lead to further distress and a lack of respect from others.

In any conflict, you are teaching the other party how to respect you, follow your rules, and protect your boundaries and interests.

If you are calm and easy-going in the face of any problem and avoid conflict even if your interests are harmed, you may find yourself susceptible to exploitation. It is therefore important to express your emotions and feelings in a timely manner. In many cases, you just need to take the first step, speak up, refuse, and when you feel uncomfortable, express your thoughts and resolutely maintain your inner order and boundaries.

It also involves catastrophic thinking. Even before something happens, you start worrying about the worst possible outcome. You always imagine the consequences of things in a serious way, which leads to feelings of worry and anxiety. This is an excessive form of self-protection. The underlying assumption is that if you have anticipated the worst outcome, you will not be shocked by failure and mistakes.

If you are constantly concerned about potential issues in your personal and professional life, you may feel insecure and perceive every challenge as a significant obstacle. This outlook can make it difficult to enjoy the journey and approach challenges with a sense of possibility. It's important to recognize that conflict is a natural part of any relationship or work environment. Success and failure are inevitable, and both are valuable learning experiences.

If something is unavoidable, there is no benefit in dwelling on negative emotions. It is more productive to adopt a positive outlook.

When catastrophic thinking takes over, the driving force of life is no longer a sense of meaning and value, but fear. The motivation to become a better version of oneself is replaced by a desire to prevent bad things from happening. These so-called bad things are often the result of catastrophic thinking being magnified. Consequently, stress and energy depletion are the result.

It is only when one realizes that conflicts are inevitable when working with others and that there is always a risk of failure on the road to growth that one can face the consequences of things with an open mind.

Furthermore, as you mentioned, exercising and discussing issues are effective methods at any time, which can help relieve stress. As long as you are willing to make adjustments, you will definitely succeed. I hope the above is helpful to you, so keep up the good work!

Good day. I am Xiaoying, and I am honored to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

It can be observed that you tend to exhibit worrisome behaviors. Additionally, you have indicated that you are particularly concerned about potential conflicts with others. These concerns may pertain to a multitude of situations, including those encountered when picking up your child from school or other aspects of your daily life. It is important to note that these concerns, which may not yet have materialized, can accumulate in your mind, leading to feelings of significant pressure and even breathlessness.

It is possible that the sandpile incident did not have a significant impact on one's daily life, and thus did not result in feelings of stress, overwhelm, or nervousness. One might not visit one's hometown in the countryside daily, nor traverse that particular road with regularity. It is probable that one does not even consider that place with any frequency.

It is possible that the incident involving the neighbor and the sand did not have a significant impact on your daily life, which may explain why you feel so stressed, overwhelmed, and nervous. It is likely that you do not return to your hometown in the countryside on a daily basis, and you may not even pass by that road frequently.

The question then becomes why this incident has such a profound impact on the individual in question. An analysis of the description provided reveals a key clue: "I have a problem, which is that I worry a lot about conflicts with other people."

The act of piling sand, particularly when branches are added, has the potential to cause damage to one's vehicle, which in turn could evoke feelings of anxiety. Furthermore, during the interaction with the neighbor, the individual was subjected to unwarranted criticism regarding their "poor driving skills," which resulted in feelings of anger and humiliation. When these emotions are coupled with one's inherent personality traits, which often include a reluctance to engage in conflict with others, they tend to accumulate and remain unresolved.

This reluctance to engage in conflict with others is largely attributable to the educational experiences encountered during one's formative years. For instance, parents frequently advised against engaging in risky behaviors or advised against expressing emotions that might result in physical harm. Such an educational environment is likely to have shaped one's current personality. To some extent, this can be considered a form of negative reinforcement of behavior.

This reluctance to engage in conflict with others is largely attributable to the educational experiences encountered during childhood. For instance, parents frequently advised their children to avoid trouble or to refrain from expressing their pain when hurt, without offering the necessary support. Such an environment is likely to have shaped the individual's current personality. To some extent, this can be regarded as a form of negative reinforcement of maladaptive behaviors. Additionally, the tendency to suppress anger and to refrain from expressing genuine emotions has been reinforced.

As in this case, there is no outlet for the expressed dissatisfaction. However, releasing pent-up emotions may provide a degree of catharsis.

In this particular instance, while it is undoubtedly crucial to express one's emotions, it is even more imperative to address the underlying issue. The rationale behind the neighbor's accumulation of sand remains unclear. Nevertheless, given the frequency of interactions between neighbors, fostering a harmonious relationship with them can enhance the overall family well-being.

If one is obliged to return home at a specific time, it would be prudent to inform one's family in advance to request assistance from the neighbors. The neighbors' wives, for instance, also pledged to gather the sand in due course.

Older individuals may exhibit deficiencies in their capacity for rational thought and a proclivity for stubbornness. Engaging in argumentation with such individuals is inadvisable, as it is unlikely to yield constructive outcomes.

It is my hope that this reply will prove useful to you.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

I'm so impressed by your willingness to reflect on the problem, be aware of it, and seek help from various resources. This is a truly admirable quality. In the process, you've also discovered some effective methods that work for you, such as talking to someone or exercising, which can temporarily relieve your stress and anxiety. Keep doing these things, but to solve the problem at the root, I believe you should first identify any unfinished business from your past and release and transform the emotions involved. Second, you should learn how to face conflicts correctly and communicate in a calm and effective manner. Don't view conflicts as a catastrophic event; see them as an opportunity to promote the development of the relationship between the two sides. Third, keep using methods that work for you to release emotions, develop the habit of doing so in a timely manner, and allow your inner emotions to flow.

So, here's my advice to you:

It's time to find your past "unfinished events" and release and transform the emotions involved!

From a psychological perspective, it's so interesting how the emotions we feel in the moment are not only related to the current event, but also to our unfinished events. In other words, the emotions we feel now appear because our repressed emotions and feelings have been triggered. It's so important for us to see our unfinished events, see the repressed emotions and feelings, and release and transform them in a reasonable way. Only in this way can we understand ourselves from the root cause, which is so exciting!

So, think back to the anger you felt when you encountered this incident, the feeling of suffocation in your chest, and the various bad scenarios you anticipate when you think about conflicts with other people. What does it have to do with something that happened to you when you were a child? What kind of scene from your childhood comes to mind?

Who is there? What happened? What are your emotions?

Now, let's explore your feelings and physical sensations together!

Do you feel this way every time you have a conflict with someone? If so, you're in luck! This is our unfinished business. Because we were so young at the time, we may have had a fierce conflict with someone, and we didn't know how to handle the conflict better. So in the conflict, we were attacked, or we felt aggrieved, etc., all because the current event triggered the original complex. But don't worry! There's a simple solution. All we need to do is deal with the previously repressed emotions. When we do, we'll no longer be so agitated when encountering similar events.

You can look at it more comprehensively, understand your fear and anger, comfort the little you inside, give yourself comfort and support. You can also continue to express your inner emotions through talking or writing. You can also see what you think whenever you encounter a conflict. From your description, it seems that you have a limiting belief. Whenever a conflict occurs, it seems that you need to fight fiercely, otherwise you can hardly solve the problem. Therefore, whenever you face a conflict, it seems that you have to face a fierce fight with others. This is of course very frustrating and anxiety-provoking. However, you also know that the reality is not that bad. In real life, most people are willing to communicate with us gently and will not go to such extremes. Just like the communication between you and your neighbor, it ended peacefully after all. Therefore, we also need to adjust our thinking and tell ourselves: Having a conflict does not mean that we have to argue. It may also bring me new opportunities for growth and new relationship development. I believe I can handle this matter very calmly...

2. Learn how to face conflict head-on, communicate peacefully and effectively, and view conflict as an opportunity to strengthen relationships.

I also grew up in a rural area, so I totally get your concerns. It seems that people in the village tend to communicate in a rather rough way. For example, as you said, they may quarrel and fight. Therefore, in the past, I also had the same fear as you when facing conflicts, worrying about being attacked and that I could not defeat others. But I soon realized that our understanding of conflicts and communication is not necessarily correct. Conflict only means that both parties have some differences in their needs when facing the same problem, but it does not mean that it cannot be reconciled. Communication does not mean that one party must listen to the other, nor is it to prove who is right and who is wrong. Instead, both parties can express themselves sincerely and consistently, speak their true needs and feelings about the same problem, and finally negotiate a balanced plan. Such communication often does not make the relationship between the two parties worse, but rather enhances mutual understanding and understanding, and promotes the development of the relationship. It's a total game-changer!

So, you can also try "non-violent communication." If the neighbor still moves the sand around next time, we can negotiate with them again. Remember, we must follow the principles of non-judgment and non-blame, and just objectively state the facts. Because if we immediately accuse them of being wrong, then it will be difficult to continue the communication. Next, they will switch on their defense mode and either "fight" with you or avoid solving the problem. So, the premise of non-judgment and non-blame is very important. And when communicating, we just need to express our true feelings and needs, and also tell the other person what you need them to do specifically, so that the communication will be effective. Otherwise, the other person won't know how they can adjust to really help you. For example, next time, you can express it like this: I saw that the sand in front of your house is still there. When I drove back today, I still found it inconvenient to walk through there. I especially need your understanding and respect. I hope you can help by moving the sand to... Can you do that?

And there's more! We also need to listen to the other person's thoughts and feelings. We need to hear why they are not moving and what the specific reasons are. Then, we can discuss with them how to solve the problem. Of course, in the end, we should reach a consensus. And don't forget to express your gratitude to them! In this way, you will find that you can more smoothly reach a consensus and solve the problem. Your relationship with your neighbors will also become more harmonious!

3. Keep using the methods that work for you to release your emotions! Make a habit of releasing your emotions on time and allow your inner emotions to flow.

You're absolutely right! When we release and vent our emotions, we feel better. In fact, we should make venting emotions a way of life. It's a habit we can develop over time. This will help our inner world feel less blocked and more open. You've already mentioned some great ways to vent emotions, like exercise and talking. I also recommend mindfulness meditation, therapeutic writing, sandplay, mandala drawing, punching a sandbag or pillow, learning to change your mind, and going for a walk in nature.

Just choose your favorite way, see your emotions, accept your emotions, and release your emotions, and you will be able to live in harmony with your emotions!

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, it's clear there's a bit of a conflict going on for you. You're hoping your neighbour will move the sand so you can drive your car more easily.

However, this has become a bit of an anxiety trigger for you. You're always wondering if the other person has done things your way.

It might seem like a minor issue, but it could be related to your personal style and character. I think you like to finish things before you can move on, otherwise it'll always be on your mind.

This style of behavior is all about results and outcomes. In Gestalt psychology, too much attention is always paid to "unfinished events."

This is pretty similar to what you're dealing with now, so you need to know the result to really feel at ease.

My advice is that when you're chasing results, you'll face all kinds of resistance. You might find it tough to distinguish between what doesn't require your undivided attention and what does, like your career. You can demand perfection from your employees, but when it comes to your neighbour, it affects your driving. The description says you go back rarely, so the impact on you is limited. The sand is a normal situation in his house.

So, these minor issues only affect you for two or three days, but instead, your excessive attention affects the vast majority of your time. This is not worth it.

If you really need to know the result, you can call someone back home and ask. You know what the result is, and you can choose whether to get angry again or to let it go.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!