After two years of psychological counseling, due to a serious conflict with the counselor, the patient is preparing for a referral.

Hello,

Your post made me feel a little relieved. It seems like you've been able to overcome your issues.

It's good to be troubled by psychological problems!

You also said in the title that you have serious conflicts with the counselor and that you plan to be referred.

You didn't talk about your relationship with the counselor or what the conflict was.

You talked about your upbringing and counseling experience, and about your mother's influence.

You also said you often dream, but I don't know what they are. Dream interpretation can help you understand yourself.

Yourself.

Are you looking for a referral because of a conflict with a counselor?

Do you want to know more about your mental health?

If you have a problem with your counselor, think about what it is.

How long has this been going on? Does the counselor know?

Is this transference?

(Empathy is when the client's feelings for their caregiver in early years are directed at the therapist.)

Empathy can help you analyze your attachment and communication patterns.

This can help you grow spiritually. Have a good chat with your counselor.

I'm not sure what kind of trauma you're talking about. Is it that your early childhood trauma was activated?

Are you having conflicts with your counselor or having dreams?

The above analysis is for reference only due to the limited information and goals.

To get more help, send a private message or add more information.

I'm Consultant Yao. I'll support and care for you!

Hello, questioner. I want to give you a big hug. No matter what happens, there is always a place in the world waiting for you with tenderness. First of all, you must believe that you can get over the harm done to you by your original family. A psychological counselor can also help you. Let's take a look at how to deal with your problems.

1. Potential conflicts with the counselor and referrals

It is perfectly acceptable to request a referral, and you have every right to do so. There is no need to worry about this. If, for whatever reason, you feel that the counselor is not helping you or is not suitable for you, you can simply communicate with your current counselor. A counselor who truly cares about the well-being of their clients will definitely agree to refer you if you still trust their recommendation.

2. It is important to communicate effectively with the counselor in a way that is respectful and constructive.

In terms of the counselor's competence and the principles of helping and industry requirements, it is important to ensure that there are no conflicts between the counselor and the client. It may be helpful to take a moment to understand if there are differing perceptions of the counseling goals and progress. Could you please elaborate on the specific reasons and focus of the conflict? There is no description provided. If there is a significant disagreement, it could indicate that the counselor's objective and neutral attitude may have been compromised. Since their values are not aligned, it may be challenging for the counselor to maintain an objective and neutral attitude towards the client. In this case, it might be beneficial to consider referring you to someone else. Let's take a moment to examine this conflict from two perspectives. If it doesn't involve a matter of principle, you can continue counseling after communicating. After all, the client also feels that he has helped you. After all, a referral involves starting from scratch to establish a counseling relationship, which may not be the most beneficial for the client.

3. It may be helpful to believe that the wounds of the original family can be healed and overcome, and that every life is worth being protected.

If your mother's behavior has caused you pain, you may find that psychological counseling allows you to explore your relationship with her in your family of origin. In some cases, family therapy may be beneficial, which could involve your mother seeking counseling as well. Of course, this depends on her willingness to participate.

Perhaps it would be helpful to talk about ourselves, apart from our mothers. If we are not lucky enough to have a childhood that heals us for life, it might be beneficial to face the trauma of the past, acknowledge its existence, and if possible, imagine how we would like to be cared for if we had a second chance at childhood. It could be valuable to use your current level of knowledge and understanding to support the wounded child inside.

Perhaps you could give her a good hug yourself, letting her feel the attention, concern, understanding, and acceptance, and giving her strength so that she can grow up slowly, bit by bit.

I believe that the most important thing to do in order to heal the pain of the original family is to accept its existence. This does not mean that you should avoid or fight against it, but rather that you should reconcile with it. In fact, it is to let go of the confrontation. Only when there is no confrontation can you see where the harm comes from. If you are interested, I would like to suggest that you read the book "Growing Up Again," which tells the story of how to heal yourself from the harm of your original family.

4. If you face the pain of counseling correctly, it will be a growth process.

It is important to understand that counseling is not a simple or straightforward process. It is often accompanied by pain and discomfort, and it can be challenging to confront one's inner struggles. However, it is a crucial step in the journey towards growth and healing. The counselor's role is to guide you through this process, helping you to uncover and address the underlying issues that may have caused the pain in the first place. It is a process of self-discovery and transformation. It is essential to remember that this journey is not easy, but with the guidance of a trusted counselor, you can navigate it with confidence and resilience. Trusting yourself and your counselor is crucial in this process.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. It would be an honor to be of service.

Greetings, question asker.

You discussed the impact of your mother on your personal growth.

I am currently seeking a new psychological counselor, but I am uncertain about the most appropriate channels for locating an appropriate candidate. I am reluctant to embark upon a new counseling relationship without first conducting due diligence.

I would be pleased to share some of my knowledge with you for your reference.

1. Determine the desired format of the continued consultation.

The current landscape of psychological counseling allows for a greater degree of flexibility than was previously the case.

There are a variety of consultation formats, including in-person, telephone, and video.

I am curious to know the format of your previous counseling.

Should you feel that the previous psychological counseling was beneficial, you may wish to consider adopting the same model as before, but with a different counselor.

Has the current counselor been apprised of the conflict between the two of you?

What was the counselor's attitude?

Has the possibility of a referral to another counselor been discussed?

It is typically more beneficial to receive a referral from the original counselor.

Given his familiarity with your circumstances, he is in a superior position to suggest a counselor who is well-suited to your needs.

Additionally, one may commence with the selection of a counselor with whom one would like to work.

Additionally, one may commence the process by determining the type of counselor with whom they would like to work.

For instance, when a client seeks to address a conflict with their mother, some therapists may recommend that the client engage with a counselor who is of a similar age to their mother. This approach is thought to facilitate empathic understanding and the processing of past traumatic experiences.

2. The influence of trauma on dream content and the nature of dreams themselves.

As a result of psychological counseling, you have made significant progress and are now on the path to recovery. This is a commendable achievement.

Has a goal of counseling been established with the objective of mitigating the impact of childhood trauma on one's personality?

Moreover, it would be beneficial to ascertain whether dreaming causes distress.

It would be interesting to ascertain whether respondents recall some of their dreams on a daily basis.

What are the predominant categories of dreams you experience?

Previously, I held the view that dreaming was detrimental to the body.

It is frequently observed that individuals with insomnia experience frequent dreaming.

According to experts, the absence of nightmares is indicative of the absence of empirical evidence substantiating the notion that dreaming is detrimental to human health.

As a result, a more relaxed attitude towards dreaming can be adopted, and the negative effects of dreaming are reduced.

To illustrate,

Dreams can serve as a conduit for the revelation of hitherto unacknowledged aspects of the self, including hitherto unidentified desires, intuitive insights, and judgments.

It facilitates integration.

In a sense, this approach is more conducive to the healing process.

Similarly, individuals with mental illness are unable to engage in dreamlike states of consciousness due to impaired integration.

Additionally, research indicates that some individuals report no recollection of dreaming, despite evidence to the contrary.

Consequently, once these concepts have been grasped, the confusion surrounding dreams may be somewhat alleviated.

3. Each individual serves as their own counselor.

In my own experience, there are now numerous avenues for locating a counselor.

For instance, those who are at ease with online counseling may wish to explore the Yi Xinli app, which offers insight into the counselor's introduction, primary areas of focus, and articles written by the counselor. Additionally, some educators conduct live broadcasts, which could be a valuable avenue for those seeking guidance. The more information one has, the more likely it is to find a suitable counselor.

It is not always immediately evident whether a counselor is an appropriate choice.

It is only through trial and error that one can ascertain the suitability of a given counselor.

Identifying a counselor with whom one is comfortable is an inherently exploratory process.

It is not necessary to identify all the relevant information immediately; therefore, one can afford to be somewhat more relaxed.

Furthermore, it should be noted that the observed improvement is the result of two factors: the assistance provided by the counselor and the client's own capacity for change.

The role of the counselor is to provide guidance and support, but the decision of how to proceed is ultimately up to the individual.

A counselor is a professional who assists individuals in recognizing their inherent resources and capabilities, thereby empowering them to confront and overcome adversity.

Each individual possesses the capacity to serve as their own counselor.

Counselors are mental health professionals, and we are experts in our own life experiences.

It is evident that no individual possesses a more comprehensive understanding of their own experiences and the subsequent impact than they themselves do.

Please disseminate this information.

I wish you the utmost success!

Good question.

The questioner had a very painful childhood. This left him with childhood trauma. He has been trying hard to be self-aware and grow up. He has been trying hard to self-regulate and seek help from professional counselors. He hopes to regain the ability to perceive happiness again. I can feel your struggle and pain. It is really not easy.

Now that there's a problem with your counselor, you want to find a good one. The relationship between counselor and client is the most important part of counseling. It's a good idea to understand it before you start counseling.

You may feel disappointed with your previous counselor, but you still think counseling is helpful. I don't know what the conflict is, or if you've told the counselor. This could be an opportunity for growth. You can observe and communicate your feelings about the counselor.

To find the right counselor, consider the following:

1. Analyze why you have a problem with your counselor and what you want from them.

It's hard to find a counselor who's perfect for you. Counselors have skills, but they're also people with experiences and issues. As counseling goes on, if the counselor has similar issues, it can affect the relationship.

Now that this conflict has arisen, you can think about which behaviors and approaches of the counselor make you feel uncomfortable. Why do these behaviors and approaches make you feel uncomfortable?

Talk to the counselor to see if it's a style or method mismatch. Or, is there something inside you that the counselor hasn't seen?

Listen to the counselor's advice.

After figuring out why you're having trouble, think about what you need from a counselor. Make a list of your needs, especially the most important ones. Think about things like the school and approach to work, areas of expertise, personal characteristics, and so on.

2. Follow accounts and organizations related to psychological services to view articles and videos from counselors.

Many people and organizations are offering psychological services on various platforms. You can search for articles and videos on these platforms to learn more about the fields and consultants you are interested in.

3. You can also find a counselor at a hospital or university.

Try a hospital that provides professional psychological treatment and counseling. If the hospital only provides psychological treatment, it will also have a cooperative counseling institution. The doctor will recommend a counselor based on your situation.

Many teachers from well-known universities with psychology majors also provide counseling services. Pay attention to professors at universities. It's even better if you have a recommendation.

4. Pick a counselor you like and try a short counseling session.

Read the counselor's articles and videos to get a feel for them. Then, try out their short-term counseling services. Some organizations have public welfare activities, and Yixinli is one of them.

You can try out counselors in short sessions. This lets you see if they're a good fit for you.

I hope this helps. I hope the questioner finds a good counselor and is happy again!

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I just wanted to say that I can really feel the challenges you've faced growing up from reading your post.

I also want to say that I admire the poster for facing their inner self and seeking help on the platform. I'm sure this will help them understand and recognize themselves better, so they can adjust and make choices that suit them.

I'd also love to share some of my own thoughts and observations, which I hope will help you to see things from a different angle.

1. Why is my mother so controlling?

In the post, the original poster shared that her mother had a strong desire for control and loved to humiliate people. It's so sad to think that she loved herself almost more than anything. I can understand why the original poster felt so hurt as a child.

It can be really tough to deal with a mother who is extremely controlling. The good news is that we've grown up and realized our mother's control, which is a great step forward!

So, let's take a look at why mothers have such a strong desire for control. I think it's because they often lack a sense of security and even love within.

Because they're feeling insecure and longing for love, they try to control. At this point in the discussion, some people may wonder: if she's feeling insecure and longing for love, why doesn't she treat her child with love?

I think it's possible that your mom might have a different understanding of love than you do. How would you describe your understanding of love?

There's a lovely saying that goes, "If we were not treated gently when we were young, we may not be able to treat others gently." So, if a mother was not loved as a child, she grew up being controlled.

So, she may think that control is love.

Because since childhood, this is the only way she has learned to "love." So the original poster might try to find out about her mother's upbringing, and perhaps gain a better understanding and knowledge of her mother.

Of course, discussing this doesn't mean that the harm done to us by our mothers is gone. It's just a way to see things more clearly.

2. Take responsibility for yourself, my friend.

From your post, I can see that you've had a tough time in your childhood and that you felt unloved. It's great to see that you're aware of this and are moving away from your family of origin.

I applaud you for all your efforts! Not everyone has the courage to face their own family of origin, so I admire you for taking this step.

Next, let's take a look at how to break away from your own family of origin. I'll share my understanding, and I'm happy to help in any way I can!

I think it's so important to take responsibility for ourselves. When we realize that we need to take responsibility for our lives and our emotions, it's a great way to start stepping out of the influence of our original family.

We can let go of our feelings of anger and resentment towards our mothers and start to heal our relationship with them and with ourselves. Reconciliation isn't about making up or forgiving, but about learning to love and accept ourselves.

It's only when we let go of those painful and negative emotions that we can make room in our hearts for happiness, joy, and well-being. Taking responsibility for ourselves is all about taking the initiative in our lives and being in control of our own destiny.

3. Find a counselor who's just right for you!

In the post, the original poster mentioned that you'd like to change counselors. For counseling, the most effective method is probably face-to-face counseling, which is offline one-on-one counseling.

So, the original poster might want to search online for offline counseling rooms. Then, they can go and chat with the counselor to see if he or she is a good fit.

If you've been in the consulting game for two years and have a good grasp on the consultant landscape, you might be able to track down a consultant who's a perfect fit. You could also try chatting with online consultants to see if they can point you in the right direction.

It's a great idea to take your time when starting a counseling relationship. You'll find what's right for you when you get to know it and engage with it.

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for you!

The title made me feel a little down, but after reading the whole text, I felt much better. The questioner is about to start a new journey in life, and I believe he will succeed.

"As a child, I was weak and sensitive, and my mother was extremely controlling and loved to humiliate people. She loved almost only herself, so I always thought that my childhood was very painful. As a child, I was obedient and dutiful, and I believed that no parent doesn't love their child. Whenever I made a wish, I wished for the safety and health of my family."

The stark contrast between the mother's actions and the questioner's own actions is palpable. It evokes a sense of sadness for the young questioner.

"Until I just started high school and had a conflict with my mother. After the gap was torn open, I gradually saw more clearly many things from my childhood. I accepted the fact that my family did not love me very much, and I did not let it stop me." The questioner "withstood the pain" and got up, and began to walk "independently."

"Things got better in college. For a year, I thought I had recovered, but then I lost the ability to perceive happiness. I had no strength to do anything, and it was hard for me to even eat or bathe. Later, after changing my environment, I was able to perceive happiness again, but I was still very tired. I procrastinated for most of the year and was unable to complete my thesis, so I started formal psychological counseling.

The questioner is facing the light and walking alone with determination, despite the difficulties of the journey.

"Psychological counseling has been very helpful to me. The first six months were very painful, but I got back on track." Despite having "serious conflicts" with the counselor, I can still say that psychological counseling is very helpful.

It's not easy to avoid "overall denial," as you did with your mother!

"But there are still some childhood traumas that have an impact on character, and I will identify and correct them one by one." The questioner used the word "grasp," which makes me feel the questioner's harshness towards himself.

Is this strictness really an attempt to become a better person, completely unaffected by the effects of childhood trauma? Or is it an attempt to use this strictness, this process of "picking out," to maintain some connection with childhood for a little while longer, reluctant to let go?

"And every time I go to sleep, I have dreams, even if I take a ten-minute nap, I will still have dreams. This has been troubling me for many years." From a psychoanalytic perspective, dreams are a form of compensation for the parts of ourselves that we have not fully expressed in the real world.

Dreams are a source of strength that help us face the real world. The questioner is fortunate to have dreams, which help them find balance.

The title of the question is about conflicts with the counselor, but the entire text does not say what the conflict is like. I don't know how you did it, but you did it.

The questioner has likely completed the psychological "weaning" and can now move forward with a more determined self.

I am certain that my reply will be of some help to you. Best wishes!

Many people mentioned my mother and made some guesses about her behavior.

But it wasn't like that at all! My mom was really different from most moms.

I know she loves me, and I know she wants me to succeed and be happy. I also know she wants to be strict.

It's as if she's trying to control me to satisfy her own sense of control and vanity.

When I was in junior high school, she would tell her friends that her two children were very obedient, that we dared not go west when she told us to go east. And she would order me to do something trivial to prove her authority, which I was happy to do!

She would tell me that I could only buy her favorite clothes. If I wanted to buy something I liked, she would say it didn't look good and that I had to buy what she liked. I accepted what she liked with a heavy heart, but I tried to be as cheerful as I could. She asked me if I was sure I wanted to buy it, and if I bought it back and said I didn't like it, she would be upset.

But I felt even more aggrieved. I didn't like it in the first place, but she kindly asked me to accept it and then to "like" it after I bought it back.

I have to do a lot of things I don't like, like being forced to visit relatives (sometimes for the red envelope), and being told to quietly take a bottle of Coke after the wedding banquet. I feel a bit ashamed, but I do it anyway, and I don't drink carbonated drinks.

Sometimes she would also ask me to take more sugar from my relatives' house. I really like sugar, but I still don't feel quite right about it.

She also didn't take care of me much when I was sick. Once, because my father was busy, she had to take care of me, and she kept scolding me all night long, which was a bit much for me.

Another time, when I went to the dentist, I told the doctor, "Go back and ask her mother." After I left, I called a friend and said, "I didn't expect it to be so expensive! I'm afraid to admit that it's her mother."

She also "withholds" my living expenses. Every time my father is not here and she comes to give me living expenses, she will reduce it by a portion or even half, and gently ask me if it is enough. I can only grit my teeth and say it is enough. (I don't want to be ungrateful, but it's not quite enough for me.)

She also doesn't care about my studies, and I'm really grateful for that! It's made it so that my grades from elementary school to junior high school were pretty good.

She's really not like what everyone thinks in the comments, that strict control is for my own good and to make her daughter become a phoenix.

She can also get quite upset and moody. Even if I'm right or wrong, if she's in a bad mood, she'll scold me and everyone.

I just think she's a bit silly sometimes. Compared to me, she's more like a lawless child!

The message shows that the questioner has taken a quick look back at his own growth process to find the right counselor.

From this, we can see that the questioner has already taken the initiative to find a suitable counselor. This is a great start. I am confident that the following advice will help you achieve your goal:

First, before starting a new counseling relationship, go back to the old one and explore the growth that came from the end of the relationship.

First, before starting a new counseling relationship, go back to the old one and explore the growth that came from the end of the relationship.

From the reply, it is clear that the questioner has mentioned

The conflicts with the counselor have been ongoing for three or four months with no improvement. She has decided to end the relationship because it has been too long and she plans to say so during the trial counseling. She is firm in her decision to change counselors.

It is unclear whether these contradictions have been fully discussed between the two parties.

From the above passage, there are two key messages for the questioner to consider:

1. The questioner is disappointed with their current counselor, but not with counseling.

2. The poster is absolutely determined to change counselors and has already taken action by posting a question.

These two pieces of information are crucial to understand:

The questioner has benefited from the counseling and now believes in psychological counseling.

You can be sure that this trust, no matter which counselor you choose, will become a stable and solid presence in the client's heart, thus helping the client cope with their own life issues.

When selecting and finding your next counselor, use this feeling as a reference dimension for finding a matching counselor. The other party should be able to give you this feeling of trust and demonstrate it in a way that allows you to find the right counselor for you.

The questioner and the counselor have been in conflict for three or four months. It is likely that the questioner has experienced a range of emotions and feelings during this time, which ultimately led to the decision to change counselors.

This will also be the focus of the owner's counseling sessions, which will help them gain greater self-awareness and conduct personal exploration in the face of contradictions, conflicts, and separation issues.

If you have already fully discussed this part with your current counselor, then you have already benefited from this counseling session. Just as in life, all relationships will come to an end, so too will this counseling session. You will undoubtedly gain valuable insight from growing up through conflicts and saying good-bye.

Second, you should find a counselor with a background in trauma training and deep qualifications to work in trauma counseling.

The previous counseling relationship lasted two years and is now ending. In counseling, this period of time is not considered short. The questioner wants to start a new relationship and has a clear desire:

However, I will identify and correct the effects of childhood trauma on my personality.

You should look for a counselor with relevant training and extensive experience in childhood trauma based on the dimensions that you have felt benefited from during the two years of counseling.

This is the best match for your current needs.

If you have a lot of conflicts with your current counselor but still have basic trust in them, ask them for some references. This will make your selection easier.

I am not a psychologist who explores human nature. I am a therapist who cares for the human heart.

I am a psychologist who does not explore human nature. My focus is on the human heart. Bless you.

Hello, my name is Flower.

From what I can gather from the questioner's responses, it seems that they have been on quite a journey over the years. Having undergone two years of psychological counseling, it is evident that the questioner has a certain understanding of the field.

If I might humbly offer my input in response to the original poster's main question:

After two years of psychological counseling, I felt it was time to consider a change. I was looking for a new counselor, but I wasn't sure where to start. I wanted to find the right fit, and I wasn't ready to jump into a new counseling relationship without exploring my options.

I believe there may be a few channels that could be worth exploring.

Perhaps you could invite the current counselor to make a recommendation.

The question mentions having serious conflicts with the current counselor and difficulty continuing the work together. However, I believe that counselors will also consider issues from the perspective of the client. It might be helpful to discuss with the current counselor and invite the other party. After all, this counselor knows a lot about your personal information, and perhaps they can consider what type of counselor would be suitable for you from your perspective.

It might be helpful to find a local psychological counseling institution for an interview.

You might consider looking into some of the more authoritative local psychological counseling institutions, learning about them first, and then making a choice.

It might be helpful to consider online psychological platforms.

There are currently many online psychological platforms, and the questioner may wish to search for them on Zhihu. Some counselors on these platforms also offer local face-to-face consultations, which could be a good option for some people.

As an alternative, you might like to consider online video counseling.

I would also like to offer some additional suggestions for the original poster:

1. It would be beneficial to understand the training background of the counselor.

Counselors may have different areas of focus, such as humanistic, cognitive, or psychoanalytic approaches. These varying approaches may also have different entry points during counseling. It might be helpful for the questioner to learn about these methods or to communicate with the current counselor to understand the next steps and the best point of entry.

The original poster also mentioned "childhood trauma," so it might be helpful to consider whether the counselor has relevant training experience in this area. If you're interested, you could also explore the direction of psychoanalysis and the subconscious.

2. It might be helpful to consider the counselor's gender, age, and work experience.

It is also worth noting that counselors are constantly growing and developing, and each brings their own unique characteristics to the table. For instance, some younger counselors with impressive academic qualifications are capable of identifying the core issue with great clarity and logic, despite their relative inexperience.

One way to judge the amount of work experience is to consider the length of the consultation. Senior counselors may be more flexible.

3. Communication It would be beneficial to consider the most effective communication methods.

I'm not sure what challenges the questioner has faced in the current consultation. What I'd like to suggest is that, regardless of the current or future situation, when choosing a consultant, it's important to establish mutual trust and maintain open communication. If conflicts arise in the consulting relationship, it's essential to address them promptly to ensure a positive and productive working relationship.

I believe that a good counseling relationship can contribute to the effectiveness of counseling.

I hope that what I have shared is helpful to the questioner. I wish you well.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

The questioner seems to think her mother doesn't love her. She feels she can't get her mother's love. If a child doesn't get enough love from their parents, they will also lack the skills to deal with similar situations in their lives. This can cause problems in their relationships with others.

The questioner found a psychologist to help her. This is not like going to the doctor, where you can see results immediately. It is a long-term healing process. If the questioner feels that the current psychologist is not very helpful and wants to change, I suggest that the questioner change to a counselor who uses humanistic therapy.

The questioner lacks her mother's love and acceptance from childhood, causing psychological trauma. Humanistic therapy helps fill in the gaps in people's childhood.

I'll give the OP a boost and some strength, hoping she can face her past. She asked a question, so I'll give her some simple advice.

The mother's motives for treating the questioner this way are unclear.

Understand why the mother treats the questioner this way.

Why does the mother treat the questioner this way? Was she treated this way when she was a child? Was the mother taught this way by her family?

The mother learned how to communicate with children when she was a child. This shaped her beliefs about parenting.

This is how she thinks parents should treat their children.

You should understand your mother's motives so you can calm down and stay calm.

Don't fight with your mother.

If your mother is being inappropriate, don't confront her. The original poster said she has already corrected her personality. If your mother makes you feel uncomfortable, you can express your feelings to her without affecting communication.

Don't argue with your mother. If you get hurt, leave. Try to leave when the argument gets bad and go stay with a friend or relative.

Tell your mother what you think.

What are you thinking when your mother is being mean to you? You can try to calmly tell her what you want when she is in a good mood.

You can say what you want her to do and what you don't like. You can say, "I know you are doing it for my own good. I understand that children should be respectful to their parents."

I don't feel the affection for my child that I should. I want you to tolerate me, not control me.

"If you don't understand, I'll leave for a while."

Take control.

The questioner still lives with his mother and can't get rid of her control. To deal with her, he needs to take control of things she doesn't care about.

For example, decide when to eat, when to come back, when to study, etc. The more you decide, the more you can control.

Accept reality.

The questioner can't change her mother. Accept this. You can't control your mother's feelings and thoughts, but you can change how you act towards her. This will change how she acts towards you.

Don't expect your mother to change. It's hard to change someone's mind. The only person who can change them is them.

Be strong.

Why does the mother want to control the questioner? Is it because the questioner is not strong enough?

If the questioner is strong enough to do everything without her mother's help, will her mother's controlling behavior towards her friends become less intense? Sometimes children have conflicting feelings about their parents' dependence. They hate being controlled but seek their support. When this behavior crosses over to you, your pattern of getting along with your mother will also change.

The questioner can ask friends or family for help.

When your mother is controlling, spend less time with her. Set boundaries. If you need help, ask a friend. If your mother is controlling with words, tell her how you feel. You can say, "I feel like I don't have any rights."

"I feel like I'm still a child."

Set boundaries.

The questioner can set strict boundaries between mothers and respect each other's boundaries. Agree with your mother on your mutual private space. If she cannot respect this boundary, it will allow her controlling behavior to continue.

If you have a problem with your mother, you can say, "I respect your boundaries, but sometimes my boundaries are not respected."

How can we make sure we both get what we need?

To find the right counselor, look at their reputation, ask friends for recommendations, and see what type of counselor they are. There are many counselors, so it's often best to ask for a referral.

I hope this helps.