Am I feeling down due to family issues or personal reasons?

Dear questioner, Greetings!

After reading your question, I want to offer you a hug! Life is yours to live as you choose, and you are still young with so much ahead of you. Don't give up so easily.

From what you've shared about your upbringing, it seems you've faced some challenges. It's understandable that you feel your parents don't fully understand your needs and that you lack a sense of being respected and loved. However, you've shown resilience in reflecting on your situation and recognizing that you're in a rebellious stage. It's not clear to me whether your current behavior is influenced by your family or other relationships.

It seems that you are a very thoughtful child and that you want to change the situation. I may not have fully understood, though.

Your parents are divorced, and you say you are afraid of living with your mother and the shadow of living with your mother. Would you be willing to talk in more detail about why you are afraid of living with your mother? That way, I can better understand the situation and help you analyze it.

From your description, it seems that your father may have some resentment towards your mother, perhaps due to her use of language. He seems to be monitoring your behavior and limiting your interactions with the opposite sex. Could it be that he has experienced some kind of frustration in his marriage to your mother?

So when your father says, "Mom, you say you're just as cheap as your mother," it's possible that he's transferring his resentment towards your mother onto you. If that's the case, it's understandable that you might feel unfairly targeted. However, if you can find some reason to believe that your father is saying this to target your mother, not you, it might help you feel a little better.

You say you want to fall in love, but from your description, I feel that you are still a minor student. Although it may not be uncommon to fall in love at school, I personally still suggest that it would be more appropriate for you to wait until you go to university to fall in love, because at that time your thinking will be relatively mature, your judgment and control of your actions will also improve, and you will know what kind of life you want. Falling in love now may be a way of escaping from that atmosphere at home, which could lead you to make some wrong judgments or inappropriate behaviors that will hurt yourself. So I personally do not recommend that you fall in love as a minor.

You might consider telling your father that you're a bit confused about his behavior, or that you understand. For instance, if he doesn't let you associate with boys, or if he goes through your phone and deletes the contacts of the opposite sex, you could calmly talk to him and say, "Dad, I'm wondering if you're doing this because you're afraid that I will make the wrong friends and suffer?"

"Are you concerned that I might be hurt by making friends with people on my phone who may not have the best intentions?" You can see how your father will respond to you.

If he agrees, you may wish to consider sharing your true feelings with him.

If it isn't an imposition, might I inquire as to whether you are an only child? Do you have any other siblings?

Perhaps you could try to get some help from the people around you. I'm not sure if your grandmother is uneducated or not.

I hope you don't mind my asking, but what do your parents do? Apart from your parents, do you have any other relatives, such as aunts, uncles, or cousins? Or perhaps you have any close friends of a similar age whom you can talk to, as well as your same-sex friends with whom you can also chat with each other?

I hope you will be able to tell me more so that we can discuss together how to help you get over this as soon as possible.

I hope you will find these suggestions helpful, based on my personal views.

I'm really concerned about your suicidal thoughts. It seems like your parents and grandparents haven't shown much concern for you. They seem to be focused on other things rather than your personal safety, which is totally understandable.

So, there's a chance that your low mood is caused by your original family's negative energy, which is preventing you from living your best life. They seem to be very selfish and are likely to control you.

Perhaps because of puberty, you are more sensitive to the various forms of control your family exercises over you: physical violence, verbal violence, and cold violence. All of this is likely to exacerbate your depressed mood. But deep down, you long to fall in love! Your parents are holding you back, but you can break free.

Embrace your youth and enjoy a love affair when the time is right. You are still a minor, so it is best to enhance your knowledge through study and work hard to get into university, so that you can get away from home as soon as possible.

It's so important to differentiate your life. You can truly understand your own thoughts. Your father has already shown too much cold violence, constantly controlling your life. If you know this, you must remember that you are the master of your own life. It's best to make yourself strong and live on. Seek out a psychological counselor to talk things over, and let yourself wait quietly for the right moment to grow up and become independent.

ZQ?

Hello! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first. I can feel your inner desire to be understood, valued, cared for, concerned about, listened to, accompanied, and respected...

It's important to remember that everyone will go through puberty, but not everyone will go through a rebellious period. Having a temper doesn't necessarily mean you're rebellious. When a child going through puberty is given enough respect, understanding, support, trust, and love by their parents and family, and feels safe enough, they don't need to rebel. That is, they don't need to express their inner needs, thoughts, and opinions in a way that's confrontational with their parents or unacceptable to their family.

It's so important to remember that the way we're treated by others shapes how we treat ourselves and others. We often attract our parents' attention in ways that are inappropriate and even harmful to our bodies and minds, like losing our tempers or wanting to commit suicide. This is because we haven't had the experience and feeling of being treated well by our parents and other family members. Our bodies have been left feeling disrespected, misunderstood, and not accepted. This makes it difficult for us to express ourselves in ways that don't hurt ourselves and our loved ones.

So, give yourself a break! We all have our own ways of dealing with our emotions. And it's totally normal! But it's also important to understand that our emotions are often a reflection of unmet expectations and needs. When we're aware of our emotional state and behavior patterns, we can make conscious changes to better adapt to the needs of the situation and relationship.

For instance, you can keep an emotional diary to help you understand your emotions better, explore the needs hidden behind them, and find ways to respond to and meet your inner needs in a more satisfying way.

For instance, if your parents or family members say or do things that make you feel uncomfortable or hurt, try to be brave and tell them how you feel. You can say that you want to be treated with respect, understanding, support, and love. At the same time, you can also tell them how you think they would feel and what they would do if they could treat you that way.

It's so sad when family members and parents treat you this way. It's not because they don't love you. It's because they may have also been brought up by unloved parents who also lacked love and therefore cannot love. We can't give to others what we don't have inside ourselves. So, if they haven't been treated well, they can't treat you well either.

With your awareness, you can try to make up for the love you once lacked and love yourself back again by being the ideal good parent.

Hi, I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. I just wanted to say that the world and I love you!

Dear questioner, Thank you so much for your question.

After reading your question, I could really relate to what you were saying.

1. About your depressed mood.

I'm in a rebellious phase, but I don't think my anger is rebellious. I want to commit suicide, and I've already made my third attempt. They just ignore me. I'm about to jump, and my family is still saying I'm disobedient.

After being pulled down, my sweet grandmother "comforted" me, saying that after I died, this house would be unlucky, and the landlord would curse people and bring bad luck to the family. Now it's starting again..." In this part,

I can see why your mood is always low. I don't know how long you've been feeling depressed, but I'm here to help.

If it's been going on for months, my advice is that you should really go to a professional psychiatric hospital for an assessment to see how depressed you are.

I can feel your pain, and I'm here for you. Can you feel it too? If you can, let's respect this pain together and face it together.

I know it can feel like the only way out is to jump, but I promise you, it's not the answer. You're not to blame for what you're going through.

2. It doesn't matter if it's a family or personal reason.

I just want to make it clear that I'm absolutely certain it's the entire family system that's causing this. This is based on lots of research by scientists and psychologists.

I wish I could say for sure whether this result will be overturned in the future, but as things stand, this result is the most scientific and accurate.

Their research shows something really important. It shows that if a society is sick, then those who are called "vulnerable" will have problems. And if a family is sick, then the most vulnerable person in the family, that is, the elderly or children, usually the children, will have problems, which may be physical or psychological.

And psychology believes that people are essentially mind and body as a whole, and that their mind and body affect each other. So it's totally true that your low mood is related to the way your family treats you. It's really important that you believe that this is not your fault.

Even if you love your parents, you shouldn't let yourself suffer. You deserve to take care of yourself and love yourself, and then you'll be able to love others too!

3. I totally get where you're coming from with the doubt that you're being a martyr.

I can relate to that! I've been there, too. I totally get it. I know it's tough to see things clearly when you're in the middle of it. It's like you're holding a grudge and exaggerating things. It's natural to feel that way. But if I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this:

I can totally feel your uncertainty and doubt, right? It's totally normal!

But the wonderful psychologist Wu Zhihong once said:

But the wonderful psychologist Wu Zhihong once said:

It's so important to respect your feelings. Your feelings are real, and they matter. Thoughts, on the other hand, are not as concrete.

It's totally normal to feel hurt and upset when you're treated this way by your family. It's okay to have these feelings, and they don't have to be right or wrong. Whether they're good or bad has nothing to do with right or wrong.

And thinking is often something that comes to us from external standards of judgment, which are not our own. It's totally normal to feel terrible sometimes. We all do. It's just important to remember that these feelings are real, but they don't define us.

So, you don't have to wonder if you're being a martyr anymore.

I also see that you've mentioned in your question that you're going through a rebellious period. I just want to let you know that this is something adults often put on children so that they'll listen to them better.

I can see that your parents are trying to help, but their interference in your friendships and habit of leaving doors open are violating your psychological boundaries.

It's also important to remember that family members can love you, but they can also hurt you. And when we suffer harm at the hands of family members, it can hurt even more.

Family members can sometimes hurt us without meaning to. It's so important to learn to love them and enjoy their company, while also learning to set healthy boundaries and not let their actions hurt us.

So, what can I do to help?

4. What can I do to help?

Now, let's talk about what we can do.

It's so important to set your own mental boundaries and take a little physical distance from your parents.

Marshall Rosenberg said,

"We can only break free from the shackles of verbal violence by learning to listen to our own voices."

And finally, I just want to say one more time: please respect your pain. We can always accept the good intentions of others, but we can also reject their "simple and rude" expressions, including our parents. Please also allow yourself to reject harm, and believe that you are always worthy of being treated gently and of experiencing more authentic and nourishing relationships.

I really hope these answers help you. I love you, the world loves you.

Hi there! I saw your question and I really want to help. I hope my answer can make a difference for you in some way.

You mentioned at the beginning that you were going through a rebellious phase. Do you think that's how those around you see you? You don't quite agree with that, and you feel that you're angry, not rebellious, without much justification.

Your family doesn't take your third suicide attempt seriously, and your grandmother's persuasion doesn't make you feel cherished. It's so sad when we are criticized and doubted by our father. It makes us feel sad and aggrieved, but we are powerless to change anything.

It's totally normal to feel distressed about your sick father and hope to take good care of him. It's also normal to feel like he's targeting you. At the same time, it's not right to have such suspicions. You're suffering inside and feeling self-doubt, which is totally understandable.

You love your family, but you also feel a sense of powerlessness about your current life.

I really feel for you. I can see that you're facing a dilemma that has its roots in your family. But I also want you to know that you have the power to reduce the impact of your family and to break through. What do you think?

I think you'll find the tips your teacher gave you really helpful!

It's so important to learn and try to adopt appropriate ways to release emotions.

It's so important to remember that suppression, torment, and suicide are not good ways to deal with emotions. There are plenty of other ways to relieve negative emotions, though!

It's great that you're talking to a friend now. You could also try going for a workout to get your brain to secrete dopamine and make you happy.

Do you see yourself as rebellious or as a student? You might also like to try keeping a diary to pour out your frustrations.

It's okay to accept that this is how your mother is. We can't change other people, but we can choose how we respond to them.

I know it can be tough, but conflicts with loved ones can be replaced with good communication instead of actions and words that intensify conflicts. If you can, I really recommend reading the book Nonviolent Communication and using the above sentence structure to communicate with your father. This is a great way to express your inner need to be respected, cherished, and understood.

The basic steps are to state the objective facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and request the other person's actions. I know it can be tough, but I'm here to support you!

I really hope you can find a solution that works for you, take care of your emotions, and work hard to bloom your own youth flower!