Am I not recognized enough in our intimate relationship and sex?

Hello, my dear friend. I can feel your confusion from the lines of your question. First of all, I want to give you a big hug and hope that my answer will be helpful to you.

It's totally normal to feel all kinds of things right now. Intimacy in a communication-is-hindered-7151.html" target="_blank">relationship is a really sensitive and private topic, especially when it comes to personal values and past experiences.

It's so important to respect your partner's feelings. You mentioned that your girlfriend is temporarily unwilling to have sex. It's great that you understand this is her right and her limit. It's so nice to see that you respect her for this. Well done!

You've really hit the nail on the head when you say that trust, respect and understanding are the foundations of a good relationship.

I'm so glad we can explore these questions together. I really hope it will be helpful.

First of all, it's totally possible that your family background and your perception of sexuality, as you mentioned, have influenced your current feelings. Your past experiences, especially your parents' relationship and the observed patterns of behavior, may have shaped your views on sexuality to some extent.

I think we can all agree that these experiences may have caused you to have certain expectations of sex, and may have also caused some internal conflict. After all, we all understand that a real relationship is based on mutual consent and comfort, rather than on expectations or social norms, right?

Secondly, I understand that you feel like you're losing yourself in this relationship. It's totally normal to feel this way, especially in a new relationship. We all want to be recognized and accepted, but sometimes we feel like we can't meet each other's standards. It's okay to have these feelings.

I think it's a good idea to think about whether true connection can also come from mutual understanding and support, not just physical intimacy.

And we can also think about what we really need and want if we're feeling confused and upset about this. Maybe you could have a chat with your girlfriend about how you're feeling, not about the sex itself, but about what you want and worry about in the relationship.

I really think that open and honest communication is a great way to understand each other better and strengthen your bond.

Finally, given your mentioned psychological background and your hostility towards your mother, we might consider professional psychological counseling. This could be a great way to help us deal with these complex feelings and better understand ourselves and our current needs, so that we can make healthier choices.

A counselor can be a great help in exploring our feelings, understanding their source, and learning how to deal with them in a healthy way.

I really hope you can find your own way to have a good relationship with others. And I also hope you feel comfortable and respected, both physically and emotionally, in your relationships.

I really hope my answer has been helpful for you. I love you so much, and so does the world!

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Hello, questioner!

On the one hand, you respect your girlfriend's wishes, which is fantastic! You also recognize that she values her own needs, which is great too!

But on the other hand, refusing sex makes you feel rejected. It's as if you can never get close to her.

What does sex mean to you?

From your description, it's clear that having sex means she really approves of you!

You've brought her into your world, introduced her to your family, and you feel like you've accepted her. This is great! However, her refusal seems to have erected a wall between you. This is something you can definitely overcome.

Your parents' relationship has given you a unique perspective on the importance of mutual understanding and acceptance in a relationship. You've seen how a lack of communication and understanding can lead to challenges, and you're eager to avoid repeating their mistakes.

Now, your girlfriend's rejection may remind you of your mother's rejection of your father, which presents an exciting opportunity to gain clarity about the other person's true feelings.

Your sex life is like a barometer of your relationship!

On the surface, it seems to be because of the mother's rejection, but the gap between the two of them may have occurred long ago. If the mother doesn't feel respected and loved by the father, she won't want to have sex with him either. But here's the good news! There's a way to bridge that gap.

And in your current relationship with your girlfriend, you've only been together for a month, and she was the one who pursued you. From her perspective, she may not be sure whether you're just giving in to her desires or really love her — but you do!

When two people are in a relationship, it's so important to share the same values and agree on their views on sex. If one person insists on maintaining a pure relationship and not having sex, while the other person wants to be intimate, it can lead to some conflict. But it's totally possible to find a way to make it work!

Some girls see their virginity as a precious gift to be shared with the person they love the most. And who can blame them? A harmonious sex life is also an important aspect of any relationship.

It all depends on how you two feel about it! You can definitely have a good talk with your girlfriend.

When you feel loved and very secure, girls also have sexual urges!

I wish you all the best!

Good day.

After reviewing your description, I am able to comprehend your situation.

Firstly, in your description, you wrote that you have been dating your girlfriend for a month. You also stated that you are both university students in the same class. You indicated that she pursued you initially, and you were pleased to be recognised. However, you subsequently became afraid of losing her. During this period, you also engaged in normal intimate behaviour, but you were unable to progress beyond the sexual act.

The university period is currently one of the most common times for dating. In comparison, young people at this time no longer have many family constraints because they have already completely separated from their families. Based on your description, it seems that you are pursuing a romantic interest. This indicates that you may not have a positive opinion of this individual, or that the reason you are dating this person now is because she took the initiative. At that moment, you felt warmth, so you chose to accept it, and it may also be your first romantic interest.

From a physiological standpoint, it is not uncommon to experience physiological needs at this stage. It is, however, unusual to lack such needs. Engaging in intimate behavior at this time indicates that the relationship between the two is already developing. It is important to note that they are still students, and from an academic perspective, they should exercise caution.

Secondly, your description indicated that your family was previously characterized by a lack of sexual intimacy. Your parents had minimal sexual activity and were separated. You resided with your father, who often engaged in external activities to fulfill his physiological needs, such as going to the movies, when you were young.

Subsequently, upon commencing my studies in psychology, I experienced a pronounced sense of animosity towards my mother. Approximately five or six years ago, my father passed away in an unfortunate incident while I was away at boarding school. This led to a further intensification of my negative feelings towards my mother.

"In general, sexual behavior is a taboo subject in traditional family education. If the parents are in a sexless marriage, the father may seek sexual gratification through other means, which demonstrates that the father's influence over the "moral" level is still possible. Viewing these types of movies in front of children can have a significant impact on their physical and mental health. It's important to understand that during childhood, curiosity about one's father's movies and other thoughts may have developed, potentially leading to the formation of sexual desires over time. When combined with the influence of physiological needs, this dual impact can further influence emotional development.

In your description, you indicated that your girlfriend disapproves of your behavior, which has caused you distress. You feel that she does not fully recognize you, despite your efforts to share your experiences with her, your family, and your commitment to her side. You perceive yourself as somewhat adrift, yet you are reluctant to let go. You strive to refrain from dwelling on the matter, but the more you try to avoid it, the more you feel stuck.

It is crucial to adjust your mentality at this juncture. Your discomfort with your girlfriend's behavior stems from your anticipation of it. As the adage goes, "What you can't get is the best," and this behavior mirrors your current state of mind. The feeling of unattainability intensifies your inner need.

It is recommended that you:

1. The most effective method for addressing your current situation is to redirect your attention. This approach can be effectively applied in both academic and athletic settings.

2. If you are unable to control your emotions, I recommend seeking the guidance of a professional sex therapist.

3. Given that the girl has chosen you, it is evident that she still holds strong feelings for you. It is therefore important to respect her wishes and demonstrate gratitude for her decision. Furthermore, it is crucial to recognise that your relationship with her is not a fleeting moment but rather a long-term commitment that may potentially involve marriage.

The aforementioned content is for reference only.

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, the answerer, and I'm thrilled to be here! I'm a psychological counselor who can make images speak.

After the questioner found out that his girlfriend had rejected sex, he felt uncomfortable, even though intellectually he could accept it, as if her rejection had become a rejection of you. So the questioner thought of the long-standing conflict and separation of his parents, as well as the deepening gap between himself and his mother. This led him to consider the possibility that the problems of the father's generation might be repeated in the son's generation – an intriguing idea!

When we call this fate, we are actually being manipulated by the unconscious — and there's so much we can do about it!

Our "invisible" unconscious mind is the amazing power that determines the way we view things, controls our actions and choices, stores our traumatic experiences, beliefs and limitations, and all the secrets about our lives. To think of breaking the unconscious drive, facing it head-on and becoming consciously aware of it is the only way to go—and it's an incredible journey!

The amazing thing about male joy and female love is that they're the natural result of a couple's interactions, and there's no specific time limit! Your problems may stem from a difference in values, but you can totally overcome them. Because of your parents' "failed" marriage, you are more inclined to use sexual relations to prove the stability of your love, while she is determined not to equate sex with love. Therefore, respecting each other in a relationship is a prerequisite for its smooth development – and you can do it!

Get along with a sincere heart and feel loved and loved in an intimate relationship! If you wish, you can even seek psychological counseling to restore a sense of security and promote your own growth and development.

Wishing you all the best!

The questioner is correct in their assessment. Humans possess three distinct levels of consciousness: conscious, subconscious, and preconscious. Many past experiences are internalized into the subconscious, influencing one's beliefs and behaviors. The subconscious exerts a significant influence on human thought and actions. Consciousness, on the other hand, represents one's rational perception of the present moment, guiding thought and behavior.

When there is a discrepancy between conscious and subconscious processes, the former serves to mediate and provide a reasonable self-explanation. However, if the differences between the two cannot be reconciled, it may manifest as a state of mind such as being torn.

Your experiences in your original family have shaped your subconscious views on marriage and intimate relationships, as well as influencing your psychology. This is an objective fact.

As a child, you observed your father watching a movie that left a profound impression on you and sparked your curiosity. Later, when you first learned about marriage and sex, you developed sympathy for your father. Your current hostility towards your mother is a complex combination of factors. Everyone has a normal need for maternal love, especially when you grow up and see other children receiving maternal love while you are not. This can lead to thoughts, curiosity, and needs for your mother, as well as feelings of hostility towards her for not meeting your expectations. Additionally, your sympathy for your father in various aspects, including sex, can also contribute to your current feelings of hostility towards your mother.

In particular, the accident that killed your father caused your love for your father to turn into hatred for your mother. During this process, an equivalence between love and sex gradually formed in your subconscious mind: sex because of love, if there is no sex then it is not true love.

When a girl pursues you, it is possible that you, as a classmate who lacks maternal love, may be happier than other classmates. You get along well, fall in love, and subconsciously your views on love and sex, coupled with the impulses of puberty, make you want sex even more. This is driven not only by the physical urges, but also by the superimposed hope of proving true love and the fear of losing it.

One way to ascertain the sincerity of one's feelings for a romantic partner is to openly discuss them with those around you. However, if your partner holds a different view, it can create a conflict between your conscious and subconscious beliefs, leading to feelings of indecision.

A few suggestions for adjustment, to re-examine one's own perceptions and beliefs:

1. Humans are different from other animals because they possess a strong higher consciousness. Humans are aware of this advanced thinking, will know reasonable ethics and morality, and resist primitive impulses and subconscious needs to do the right thing.

2. Sexual intercourse is a natural consequence of the love process. Each partner's individual growth experiences and cognitive systems will form their own ideas. The more you love, the more you must respect, and the more you must value the beautiful moments that come naturally and spontaneously. Any deliberate actions or unwillingness on one side are a form of destruction. It is recommended that you get along sincerely and wait patiently. You also said that you have only been dating for a month, haven't you?

3. The relationship between love and sex in your subconscious mind needs to be revised. Love is a gradual process of deepening, from the initial good feelings and the emotional sublimation in interactions, accumulating and developing step by step. It is not as simple as black and white; love or no love. Sacred sex is the expression of true love and a deepening of emotions, not the absence of sex leading to the absence of love.

4. Finally, I recommend that the original poster educate themselves further on the subject of love and marriage, including the dynamics of a happy marriage and the importance of mutual respect. It is crucial to avoid allowing past experiences in one's family to shape a desire for control in one's own marriage. I have encountered a similar situation before.