An old mother facing a daughter with a PUA doesn't know how to express it without accusing.

Hi, I'm Li Di. Thanks for chatting with me.

After reading the original poster's description several times, I realized that while I empathize with Li Feifei's upbringing in the book, I also envy it a lot. Empathy is wanting to be as powerful as Feifei's parents, to be able to respect my child and give him/her more support. Envy, on the other hand, makes me think of my own parents. I long for my parents to respect and support me more, especially when it comes to choosing a university. My mother's decision seems to have set your life in stone. Although you are now able to live your own life, it has become a source of regret for you. You want to let go by understanding her and empathizing with her, but you also find that once certain situations arise, you want to distance yourself from them, or you will be speechless and feel uncomfortable. You accept your emotions and want to communicate with your mother well, to let her know that you are very good and have the opportunity to go to a 985/211 university. You want your mother to understand how her own way of doing things has affected you, and to give you a hug. This is indeed very difficult, because I can see that you have been thinking about and growing as a person, and you are also trying to communicate with your mother gently, but it is not as we would like.

So let's dive in and look at the underlying psychological reasons behind your feelings and needs. This will help us understand and accept yourself better.

The experiences and emotions you describe actually reflect several key psychological concepts, such as family dynamics, intergenerational communication, and the development of self-identity.

First of all, the family pressures and expectations you mention are pretty common in family systems. In a family system, the actions and beliefs of each member influence one another.

Your mother's advice might be based on her own values and life experience, which could lead to some misunderstandings and conflicts. She might be motivated by a desire for security and stability, especially during economically difficult times.

In this situation, she may be more inclined to stick to traditional views that place a higher value on a stable career than on pursuing personal interests. However, this approach may not align with your personal wishes and career ambitions, which could lead to frustration in terms of self-realization.

Secondly, you're facing a common intergenerational communication challenge. You want the freedom to chart your own course, while your mother may be set on her perspective, creating a rift between you.

In psychology, this is called a "generation gap." It's when there are differences in values, beliefs, and expectations between two people. You might feel misunderstood, and your mother might feel confused because she doesn't understand why her advice isn't good enough for you.

On top of that, your feelings show how you're developing your sense of self. It's normal and part of the process of forming your identity to feel disappointed about your unfulfilled dreams.

Erik Erikson's psychosocial development theory says that one of the main things teenagers and young adults need to do is figure out who they are. When you feel like you don't have many options, it can make it harder to do this, and you might end up feeling unhappy and frustrated.

You might be rethinking your career path and trying to make up for lost opportunities.

So, when you're dealing with these emotions, you might want to think about taking the following steps:

Self-acceptance – Accept your feelings and realize that they are part of your personal history, but they don't define you entirely. Your worth and potential extend beyond past decisions.

Boundary setting – Learn to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself from negative emotions. This means maintaining a distance in interactions with your mother to avoid being affected by her PUA-style communication.

It's important to communicate in a positive way. Instead of saying "you" statements that are accusatory, try using "I" statements. For example, instead of saying "you are limiting my options," say "I feel frustrated because I feel my options are limited."

If you can, find a counselor who can give you a professional perspective and strategies for dealing with these complex emotions.

Self-growth – By focusing on your own development, whether through further education, career advancement, or personal interests, you can take control of your life and move towards your goals.

Forgiveness and release – Forgiveness may help you let go of those heavy emotional burdens. This is not about your mother, but about your own inner peace.

Of course, this is a long process that requires time and patience. The good news is that self-growth is a continuous process, and every step is a big step forward.

You can always start over, whether that means further education, a new job, or other forms of self-improvement. Believe in your ability to create the life you want, a life that is not affected by the past.

Go for it! You've already got this!

I hope my answer has been helpful. Have a great day!

Dear questioner, I can totally empathize with the complex emotions you're feeling. After reading Li Feifei's story, I'm sure your heart is filled with admiration for her mother and reflection on your own experiences.

It can be tough to express your thoughts and feelings in a non-accusatory manner when you're the mother of a PUA daughter. But please know that your feelings are real, your needs are reasonable, and you have the right to be understood and respected.

From what you've said, it's clear that your mother has had a big impact on you. She might have influenced your life choices because of her own experiences and anxieties.

The important thing is that you've recognized this and are looking to create a better environment for your child. This is a great, positive step.

In psychology, there's a concept called "the influence of the original family." It's about how our family environment and our parents' parenting style affect our personality, behavior, and values as we grow up.

These influences are often unconscious, but they leave a deep imprint on our psyche. The good news is that we can become aware of these influences and make positive changes.

I'd suggest trying the following methods to communicate with your mother:

1. Be factual: When you want to express your thoughts, you can start by listing some specific facts or examples. This makes your point more objective and powerful. For example, you can tell her about your grades and choices at the time, as well as the efforts you made to pursue your dream.

2. Use "I" statements: Using "I" statements to express your feelings and needs can help the other person understand where you're coming from. For example, you could say, "I feel restricted in my choice of university, and it makes me feel disappointed."

"Instead of saying, 'You didn't let me go to school in Beijing, and I missed out on a lot of opportunities,'"

3. Listen and understand: Once you've shared your thoughts, give your mother a chance to express her views. Even if they differ from yours, listening and understanding are key to good communication.

It might help to try to understand her thoughts and feelings from her perspective.

4. Look for common ground: As you communicate, try to find some common ground or common goals that will help you connect. For example, you could mention your desire for family harmony and your mother's good health.

5. Be patient and persistent. It's not easy to change someone's thoughts and habits, and it takes time and patience. Don't expect a problem to be solved in one communication. Just keep at it, and I believe positive changes will happen.

I'd also like to share a quick story. There was a girl who also faced a similar dilemma once. Her relationship with her mother was once very tense.

But she made the brave choice to write a letter to her mother each day, sharing her thoughts, feelings, and expectations. She didn't send these letters, but kept them for herself.

As she went along, she started to see her own growth and changes, and she began to understand her mother's position and difficulties. In the end, her relationship with her mother improved.

Dear questioner, I know this process may be tough, but I believe you have what it takes to face it and overcome it. Please believe in yourself. You have a lot to offer, and your heart is full of strength and wisdom.

And don't forget to take care of yourself and give yourself some time and space to heal and grow.

At the end of the day, you deserve to be understood, respected, and loved. It doesn't matter if your mother can't understand your feelings and needs. You have to believe in yourself as an independent and valuable person.

I hope you're able to face your past and future with courage and live your life to the fullest, with happiness along the way!

Hello, I'm Super Sister from Yixinli, and I'm here to help!

You love reading and realize the incredible power of "inheritance." In the end, you choose to stop the wrong way of communicating in your generation. You hope that your children will be happier than you, and you learn to treat yourself and your children well. It takes courage and wisdom to do all this, and you have both in spades! ? I like you!

I highly recommend reading The Meaning of Life! It talks about how we have the ultimate freedom to choose at any time. We can't choose our parents or our birth, but we can choose how to face them.

They have their own cognitive limitations, and their hearts are full of fear. But they can learn and become aware of this themselves! Then they can choose to live their lives in a way that is not bound to their children. Some parents choose to constantly negate their children, leaving them with no energy to fly further and wider into the sky. But there is another way!

I have to say that these kinds of parents are detestable, but there's hope! Behind their detestable behavior is also a kind of pitifulness. They have never been at peace, have never believed in their children, and they have never experienced unconditional love and trust!

I'm thrilled that you've come to realize that your parents' opinions of you don't define who you are. It's so inspiring to see you gradually finding your own path to overcome despair.

I truly believe that you, who love reading and learning, will become closer and closer to your true self. You'll find ways to make yourself happy in the present and raise your children in a better way! As a mother, you can choose to respect her and her thoughts and way of life after expressing your own feelings.

You have a new family of your own, and you can create the family atmosphere you want! For past events, you can express your feelings using consistent communication. Here I recommend you read "Nonviolent Communication." In fact, it is not just a method of face-to-face communication; you can also choose to write a letter. When the letter is given, no matter what the other person's response is, you can choose to let it go! Don't let constantly regretting the past and looking for blame sap our energy to create a beautiful present and future.

I really hope you can find joy and meaning in your present life and create a new family atmosphere that is uniquely yours. It would be so great to see you flourish! ?

Let's look at the emotional entanglement between you and your mother. We can explore and understand the issue in more depth. First of all, the emotional issues you mentioned are not just a simple conflict between you and your mother. They involve multiple aspects such as family background, cultural values, social expectations, and personal growth.

1. Influence of family background: Every family has its own unique background and values, which shape an individual's behavior and decision-making. In your family, there is likely a "pragmatic" or "conservative" value, which prioritizes a stable job and financial income over personal interests and dreams.

Your choice of university was influenced by this value system, and you faced pressure from your parents.

2. Cultural values and social expectations: Family background is not the only factor influencing personal decision-making. Cultural values and social expectations also play a role. In some cultures, parents' expectations of their children are closely related to their social status, economic conditions, and future plans.

Therefore, they are more likely to let their children choose a "stable" or "decent" career, rather than encouraging them to pursue their personal interests and dreams. This expectation conflicts with your personal pursuits.

3. Challenges to personal growth: Everyone faces various challenges and choices during their growth process. You must find a balance between meeting family expectations and pursuing personal interests.

You have tried to communicate with your mother, but she has not offered you understanding or support, which has left you feeling frustrated and confused.

4. The complexity of emotional entanglements: The emotional entanglements between you and your mother are not simply a matter of right and wrong. They involve deep-seated emotional and psychological issues. Your accusations and dissatisfaction with your mother reflect your own questioning of past decisions.

Your mother's behavior and attitude also made you feel neglected and hurt, which further exacerbated the emotional distance between you.

In response to the above issues, I am going to offer some suggestions from a different perspective.

1. Understand and accept your family background. First and foremost, you must understand and accept your family background and values. They may conflict with your personal pursuits, but they are the foundation and support on which you grew up.

Understand your mother's decisions and actions from a family perspective. This will help you handle your relationship with her more effectively.

2. Broaden your cultural horizons and social awareness. In addition to your family background, you must broaden your cultural horizons and social awareness. Understanding the expectations and views of different cultures and societies on personal development is essential for gaining a more comprehensive understanding of yourself and your future.

You should also enhance your social awareness and interpersonal skills by participating in social activities and exchanging experiences.

3. Find a balance. It is crucial to find a balance in the process of personal growth. You must communicate with your mother to express your thoughts and pursuits while also understanding her concerns and expectations.

In the process of communication, remain open and tolerant while avoiding excessive accusations and complaints. Seeking the support and help of other family members or friends to find a suitable solution together is also an option.

4. Self-growth and independence: You must also focus on your personal growth and independence. You can improve your overall quality and abilities by learning new skills, developing hobbies, and participating in social practices.

You must learn to think and make decisions independently and take responsibility for your own future.

5. Seek professional help. If you feel you cannot handle your relationship with your mother or emotional problems, you should seek professional psychological counseling. A psychological counselor can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and needs and provide effective solutions and suggestions.

They can also provide emotional support and companionship to help you through difficult times.

6. Establish healthy communication. When communicating with your mother, remain calm and rational, and avoid emotional expressions. Use the "I-language" to express your feelings and needs, not accusations.

You must respect your mother's feelings and position and listen to her thoughts and responses carefully. By establishing a good way of communicating, you can improve your relationship.

7. Cherish your relationship with your mother. Despite any differences or misunderstandings, your mother will always be one of the people closest to you. She has devoted a lot of effort and love to your upbringing, and she did her best, even if her methods may not have been entirely in line with your expectations.

You must cherish this family affection and bond when dealing with her relationship.

Dealing with your mother is a long-term and complex process. You must be patient and persevering to face and solve the problems and challenges.

You must also maintain a positive and optimistic attitude and believe that you can find a way to deal with this problem that suits you.

Your situation was also my situation once, but I wasn't as fortunate as you. Despite my grades being decent, I couldn't pursue my dream of going to school due to my family's financial situation. I've always had this feeling of regret, and I'm finally starting to let it go.

I care a lot about my mom. I understand her struggles: the things she didn't do, the weight of the family on her shoulders, the everyday tasks at home, and the tough living situation for my sisters and me. So I saved up every bit I could, even keeping some of my weekly allowance to pay for school supplies. Every time my mom gave me my allowance, I felt bad for not being able to contribute more. So I tried to help out the family and make my mom feel better.

That summer, I was so angry at my mother. I felt like I couldn't even bear to live anymore. It was because of the family's financial situation, the preference for sons over daughters, and my father's harsh words: "No matter how high she goes, she'll still be someone else's daughter. She's already succeeded in getting into college, and she's gone and become stupid in the process." And there was also my mother's indecision, and later, the moral blackmail.

I felt like I was born into such a family. I was never much of a troublemaker, whether it was in my studies or anything else.

In some families, if the child wants to go to school, they'll do whatever it takes to make it happen. But in my family, all they wanted was for me to make money quickly and take the pressure off them. I was a junior high school student about to enter society, and I was really struggling. No matter what arrangements were made, I just wanted to escape from home.

I've always worked hard and tried to stay positive. As I grew up and started a family, I gradually let go of my regrets. I still have some, but I've made up for them in other ways. I also understand how difficult it is for my mother. If I were in her shoes, I would probably do the same as she did. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the outcome is. Every journey has its meaning. On a positive note, I was happy to have met my husband, who has given me a lot of warmth and love.

I get where you're coming from. You're comparing Li Feifei's mother to your own. Despite the family's difficult situation, Li Feifei's mother encouraged her daughter to do what she wanted to do. Unconditional support is great and selfless.

Your mother was thinking about the cost of going to university in a different city. In a way, she was being selfish, focusing on her own interests and not considering your feelings.

It's been a while since the incident, and regardless of whether your mother feels guilty or not, whether you can forgive her or not, try not to make things difficult for yourself. Parents are different from us; they have different knowledge, horizons, and thoughts, and they have different expectations of their children, which leads to differences in ideas and concepts.

You once told your mother off about her when you were at university. You asked yourself not to blame her for it, and you didn't say anything. I feel that we are very similar in this respect. You just don't want to bring it up anymore because it can't be changed after all. But it still bothers you a lot. Even if you don't blame her at all, can your mother still somehow sense whether you are blaming her or not?

Ultimately, it was because of her that you weren't able to go to university in Beijing and instead ended up at a regular school.

Your mother gets it. She doesn't want to face her own mistakes or self-reproach, so she retreats inwardly. She might have already blamed herself many times but doesn't want to accept it directly. That takes courage.

This is something you see a lot in Chinese families, whether yours or mine. Sometimes you see mothers like this and you feel quite desperate, and so do I. But there is more to mothers than this, and there is more to us than this.

There's still a lot of warmth and love in your relationship with your mother. Otherwise, you would have run away a long time ago. After all, your mother is getting old, and you have already become independent, with your own job and your own dreams.

In the future, you can make your own decisions and pursue your dreams. Your mother will support you, but if she doesn't, you don't have to listen to her advice and just do what you want.

You can open up to your mother at a time when you feel comfortable, in a relatively quiet place that makes people feel relaxed, and say what's on your mind in a lighthearted way. That's what I did. My mother said she regretted it more than once, but I also understand her. If I don't let her, she may not be able to stop blaming herself. I have finished my studies again, and my mother is very supportive and encouraging. Everyone makes mistakes, including us. In fact, my mother realizes and admits that she still blames herself for her decision back then. I feel very warm inside and think it's not a big deal. It's okay the way it is now, and I'm relieved.

I hope this is helpful for you. I also hope you can let go soon and not have any regrets!

Hello, the original poster. Due to circumstances beyond your control, you were unable to attend the university that should have been yours, and were forced to choose a normal school instead. That experience made you feel aggrieved and even desperate. While your mother was acting in good faith, she may not have fully considered the impact her decision had on you, nor did she see your reluctance and despair. This made you feel a little angry, and you didn't know how to express your feelings to your own mother when you faced her.

Whether it is the college entrance examination results from that year, or the clear expression between the lines, it is evident that you have demonstrated excellence. Additionally, your habit of reading demonstrates your wealth of knowledge.

It may be that this accumulation of knowledge allows you to perceive your mother's "pua." It may also be that the literacy generated by this knowledge prevents you from expressing your emotions to your mother as much as you would like.

If there really is a hierarchy between people, with your knowledge and education, how would you describe the gap between you and your mother? Do you feel that you are stronger and your mother is weaker?

Could it be that, subconsciously, she believes that "the strong bully the weak or children attack their elders"?

It seems that the mother's decision may have contributed to the depression and anger that we are experiencing. It's possible that she had her reasons for making that decision at the time. It might be helpful to communicate our feelings in a sincere and effective way.

It is still possible to be kind to your mother while also considering her emotions. It might be helpful to think about whether you need to "attack and accuse" or whether you need your mother to see your experiences and suffering.

I believe you have already found a way to express your feelings and emotions without being offensive, and you have used it too – "without making her feel any blame."

Let's consider a scenario where the mother feels unassaulted and, on the premise of being understood and accepted, she hears that her daughter has suffered so much pain. How would she feel in that situation?

There is a saying that goes, "Parents spend their whole lives waiting for their children to be grateful, while children spend their whole lives waiting for their parents to apologize." If you can get what you need through sincere communication, wouldn't that improve the relationship?

Perhaps a more comprehensive analysis could be beneficial in order to identify any potential nutritional value.

In Yi Xinli, the world and I send our love and best wishes to you.

Hello.

The most important relationship in our lives is with our mother. We are born from her and she nurses us.

Our mother-daughter relationship is the most important.

You've made progress in your relationship with your mother, which is great. It's not perfect, but that's normal for a mother and daughter.

Relationships involve intimacy, disagreements, tolerance, and disgust. Not everything can be fixed.

You compare Li Feifei's mother with your own. Li Feifei's mother went abroad to support her daughter.

Your mother was thinking about the cost of university. She was selfish.

Your mother is old and you have grown up. You remember all those grievances you had against her when you were going to university.

You asked yourself to say it without any reproach, but it felt like you were making things difficult for yourself. Even if you managed to say it without any reproach, it would still feel like reproach to a listening mother.

You stayed home and went to a normal school teacher training college because she wouldn't let you go to university in Beijing.

Maybe your mother is avoiding the issue because she doesn't want to face her mistakes. Maybe she has already blamed herself, but she just doesn't want to face it.

What's done is done. You decide whether to forgive her.

Parents have different knowledge, perspectives, and views on children than we do.

People often say that in Chinese families, children think their parents should apologize, while parents think their children should thank them. Your family situation is typical of this common phenomenon.

Sometimes you see mothers like this and you despair. But there is more to your mother than this, and there is more to you than this.

You still have a good relationship with your mother. After all, your mother is getting old, and you have your own job and dreams.

You can pursue your dreams later. You won't have to listen to your mother's opinions anymore.

It's hard to change your mother. Every family has regrets. We're all trapped in our relationships. Who can convince whom?

If you want to change your views or improve communication with your mother, you can use the letter writing method or the empty chair technique.

Everyone has things they want to say but can't. You don't have to tell your mother everything you want to say. As long as you've said it, you've expressed yourself.

When you express your emotions, you feel better.

Love the world and yourself.

Dear questioner, I'll give you a big, warm hug!

I also have a similar situation as you. When I filled in my major after my college entrance exam, I made it clear that I didn't want to be a teacher, but my mother still said that being a teacher is great, with a stable job and a good income. My mother has been very strict with me since I was little. Whenever I disobeyed her a little, she would lose her temper, yell at me, and get angry with me. Whenever I did something that made her unhappy, she would use vicious words to abuse me. Sometimes I didn't even know what exactly I did to offend her, and I would just get a barrage of insults. So I have been very afraid of her since I was little, and I dare not get too close to her, because I don't know if she will suddenly become manic and start insulting and humiliating me the next second.

I've never had the courage to talk to her about it because I'm afraid that she won't be able to comfort me, but will instead lose her temper and blame me for being incompetent. Whenever I see my friends or others on social media who are close and happy with their mothers, I'm actually very envious inside, but I just act nonchalant on the surface, acting like I can take care of myself and that it doesn't matter. But you know what? I'm excited to change that! I'm going to talk to her about it. I'm going to ask for her support and guidance. I'm going to show her that I can take care of myself, and that I'm capable of doing so with a smile on my face.

A short while ago, my wonderful mother took my family to buy me some clothes for my birthday. I found a gorgeous dress with a skirt on both sides and tried it on. I looked absolutely amazing and it fit perfectly! My mother said I wouldn't look good in it and that I couldn't wear such flashy clothes to work. I told her I looked good in it and that I liked it, but she said I wouldn't look good in it and that it wasn't suitable. I kept saying that I wanted to buy this amazing pink dress, but she refused to let me. Maybe it was because I had been living under my mother's control for so many years and had never dared to express my true thoughts. This incident suddenly triggered my traumatic experience of being controlled and oppressed by my mother before. I was angry because after all these years, my mother was still oppressing me as usual, never letting me catch my breath. I was angry and told them to go away, that I would buy the dress myself and didn't need them to accompany me. I kept telling them to go, and my father, who was standing next to me, also said that my mother was an old-fashioned person whose taste couldn't keep up with the young people and wouldn't let me buy it.

Finally, I saw their disappointed backs as they left, and my heart was filled with mixed emotions. Why did

My mother is a career-oriented woman who ignores my emotional needs, is very dominant towards me, and wants to control everything. I am in a similar situation as you, and I know how painful this kind of life can be. But, we can do this! Let's stick together, take positive and effective actions to get out of our mothers' oppression, and gain a freer life.

It's okay not to forgive! There are many reasons why we may not forgive: 1. We don't want to go back to the past and see the truth about the hurt we experienced because it hurts too much. So, we bury it and pretend it never happened. This way, we won't hurt so much! 2. The traditional culture of filial piety doesn't allow us to accuse our parents, even if they are wrong. 3. We don't have the courage to accept the fact that our parents don't love us. We also don't have the courage to accept the enormous harm they have done to us. So, we want to forgive them immediately and pretend that the harm never happened.

But here's the good news! When we expose these wounds to the light, they will heal. And when they do, we'll be ready to face the world with confidence and joy!

It's time to draw a clear line with your parents and define yourself! When we start to draw a clear line with our parents, they will definitely feel uncomfortable and feel that we want to get away from their control. They will feel extremely insecure and will attack you for this, making you feel ashamed. But don't let that stop you! You have the power to stand up for yourself and define your own identity.

These feelings are totally normal, and it's so important to recognize and accept them. Self-definition is all about having the confidence to stand up for yourself, even when your parents disagree with your style choices. Next time they criticize your clothes, you can say something like, "I'm really sorry you don't like the way I dress, but I like it myself, and that's enough."

This is a fantastic way to express yourself without being influenced by them, without trying to persuade or change them.

Let's stop self-attack! We may have formed the illusion that we are really the unfilial and rebellious son in our parents' words. We may even feel that all this is really because we are not good enough. But we can break free from this illusion! We can stop attacking ourselves. We can stop feeling at fault and start embracing our true selves. We can realize that we are worthy of love and respect, and that our parents' actions don't define us. We can choose to be happy and healthy, and to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion. We can choose to be the best version of ourselves!

It's time to realize that it's all the parents' fault! They've caused us great harm, and the responsibility lies with the parents, not the children. We are not responsible for our parents' mistakes.

Let's emerge from the shadows and claim our freedom and new life!

Greetings,

My name is Kelly Shui.

[Facing a mother of a PUA daughter, I am uncertain how to express this without being perceived as accusatory]

A careful reading of the original poster's lengthy post leads to the conclusion that your relationship with your mother has provided you with a unique set of experiences.

[Regarding boundaries]

In the context of the mother-daughter relationship, there is a discernible boundary between the parent and child. Your expressed concern about this topic indicates a desire to provide a more effective and independent parenting style for your own child, free from the influence of inherited dynamics. We commend your commitment to self-care in navigating these challenges.

The mother frequently ignores the daughter and displays a sense of self-importance, which may indicate underlying insecurity. It would be interesting to speculate on the mother's perception of the daughter's age.

It appears that she has not fully recognized the extent to which this child has matured and has become a distinct individual, no longer aligning with her initial perception of the child.

What measures might be taken to facilitate a recognition by the mother of the daughter's status as an adult? All individuals encounter challenges during their developmental process. How did the mother and father understand the concept of independence in the relationship between the two?

One possible approach would be to extend an invitation to your mother for a walk or coffee, with the intention of engaging in a conversation as an equal. This could potentially facilitate the identification of any underlying insecurities or regrets she may be experiencing.

It is not uncommon for mothers to be new to motherhood, and they often strive to perfect their lives through their children's growth. They may also learn about separation and boundaries, the importance of good relationships, and the necessity of balancing flexibility and boundaries in communication.

It is possible that you are the individual who is most able to comprehend your mother's perspective. You may wish to extend an invitation to your father to assist your mother. It is important to establish clear boundaries between your own affairs and those of your mother, without becoming embroiled in her emotional and cognitive processes. Just as you have demonstrated your willingness to seek guidance through questioning and self-trust, you will likely identify a communication approach that aligns with your needs.

It seems reasonable to posit that a mutual affection exists between the two parties in question. It is similarly reasonable to suggest that the maintenance of a harmonious relationship is contingent upon the maintenance of continuous communication.

The domestic environment should be a place where individuals can relax, accept their mother's idiosyncrasies, and be themselves.

[Regarding expression]

I can visualize the scenario you have delineated.

My mother stood there and proceeded to interrogate me, stating, "Do not make any purchases at this time; instead, address your issues first." Her tone of voice was that of someone who perceived my actions as being highly inconsiderate.

It seems plausible to suggest that this is not the first occasion on which you have heard your mother make this statement. What, then, is the underlying message that she is attempting to convey?

What are the underlying causes of your mother's significant anxiety? Why do you believe that providing support during your university studies is the least you can do?

It can be postulated that had my mother been frequently acknowledged and validated during her upbringing, she may have been able to "fulfill" her expectations in other relationships. In the absence of such recognition, it is plausible that my mother is yearning to be seen by you.

If you are able to comprehend the emotional state of your mother, it would be beneficial to convey to her that you are aware of the challenges she is facing. Concurrently, you should express your gratitude for all the contributions you have made to the family.

Concurrently, an effort should be made to clarify the situation. Was the remark made by the mother perceived as uncomfortable? Or was it an expression of anger directed at the purchases made?

What methods might be employed to achieve a state of mental calm while simultaneously articulating one's needs?

You are in your thirties and are therefore an independent adult. You are also capable of putting yourself in the position of other people. If you were in the role of a parent and wished to converse with your child, what would you do?

It may be beneficial to reflect on the happiest times spent with one's mother.

It is not accurate to assert that expressing one's feelings to one's mother is tantamount to blaming her. Rather, it is evident that there has been a failure to communicate one's thoughts in an effective manner. It is important to recognise that there are numerous ways in which one can interact with others, and thus it is possible to ascertain which form of communication is more conducive to the relationship and to one's own emotional well-being.

It is recommended that individuals engage in activities that promote positive affect and shared experiences with their family members. Additionally, it is advised that they express their emotions and feelings with greater frequency. Repressed emotions may necessitate the pursuit of further insight and exploration.

It is recommended that the following books be consulted: Becoming Myself and Self-Boundaries.