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At 32, still a virgin singleton, feeling confused and eager for a change, how to break free?

socializing friendship virginity cautious change
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At 32, still a virgin singleton, feeling confused and eager for a change, how to break free? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

Something has always puzzled me; I'm not very good at socializing, have few friends, and at 32, I'm still a virgin. In fact, I really crave these things, but I'm afraid that others might have conditions like "chuan ran bing," and I'm not too daring to dine with others. All these hinder me from actively making friends. My life has always been overly cautious, which confuses me greatly and makes me want to change. I don't know how to break free.

Maximus Nguyen Maximus Nguyen A total of 9724 people have been helped

Hello! I'd like to extend a warm hug from afar to you.

I'm heartened to see that you've sought assistance, and I hope that my sharing will offer you some support and guidance. I also want to commend you for being able to recognize your own distress and choose to come here for help.

Our relationships with others are often a reflection of our inner selves. When we find it challenging to establish harmonious and nurturing relationships with others, it can be a sign that we may have unresolved feelings of inferiority, lack of self-confidence, or a need for greater acceptance of ourselves. It's not always easy to recognize these underlying issues, as they can be deeply ingrained in our subconscious.

It's understandable to be concerned about others avoiding social contact. It's possible that you're worried about your own inadequacy because you've experienced rejection and denial in the past. This can lead to a lack of initiative in building relationships. When we always face interpersonal relationships with worry, it can impact our confidence.

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Once you have become aware of the distress caused by a lack of interpersonal support and want to change this situation, you might like to try building relationships with others while being afraid. It is possible that you may be rejected or denied in your interactions with others, but this does not mean that you are not good enough. It just means that you are not the other person's type or that your interests and passions differ greatly. After all, you also have the right and freedom to reject others in your interactions with them, don't you think?

It might be helpful to allow and accept that you may feel nervous and worried about being rejected when interacting with others. Could it be that this part of you is anxious and worried because you desperately want to be accepted and feel welcome?

You might find it helpful to try taking deep breaths when you feel anxious and panicky, and to remind yourself that it's okay to have these feelings in the moment, because you want to be accepted and welcomed.

It might be helpful to try to become aware of how you want to be treated in your relationships with others, and then treat yourself and others in this way. Because the way you treat yourself and others may influence the way others treat you.

You might find it helpful to read "How to Overcome Social Anxiety."

My name is Lily, and I'm a devoted listener of the Q&A Museum. I extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you all.

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Comments

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Carmine Anderson We grow as we learn to handle stress and pressure.

I can totally relate to feeling stuck in a pattern of caution and isolation. It's hard when you want something but fear holds you back. Maybe starting with small steps, like joining online communities that share your interests, could be less intimidating and help build confidence.

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Jeremy Jackson The fruits of diligence are the pearls that string together a life of meaning.

It's tough being worried about things like "chuan ran bing," which I think means infectious diseases. But it's important to know that most people are healthconscious too. Taking precautions doesn't mean you have to miss out on social experiences. Perhaps talking to a doctor can ease some concerns.

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Ferris Davis We grow when we learn to see opportunities in setbacks.

The desire for connection is so strong yet the fear of vulnerability can paralyze us. Have you considered professional counseling? Sometimes an outside perspective can offer strategies to navigate these fears and start building the kind of life you're hoping for.

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Patience Thomas A diligent mind is like a fertile field, always ready to yield a harvest.

At 32, there's still plenty of time to explore friendships and relationships. Starting with activities where you meet likeminded individuals might be easier. There are many groups and clubs that focus on specific interests; this could be a safer way to dip your toe into socializing.

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Fawkes Davis When in doubt, tell the truth.

Your cautious nature has protected you, but now it might be time to challenge yourself gently. Setting tiny goals for social engagement, even if it's just smiling at someone or saying hello, can gradually increase your comfort level. Every step forward is progress.

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