Do you let your bad temper get the better of you? Or do you keep it in check?

Hello, question asker. I see the confusion you are facing now, and I'm here to help!

You're going through some tough times emotionally. Let me give you another warm hug.

If you feel angry, it's totally okay to let it out!

But it is indeed very tricky!

We all have to be careful about when we lose our tempers.

Sometimes, it's just not worth losing your temper. It can really backfire on you!

My current husband used to lose his temper at his boss, and sadly, it led to her revoking his medical license, which he was using to work in a Singapore public hospital.

So, if you lose your temper, it might end up being a bit of a lose-lose situation.

But you have a temper, and we all know what that can do. What should you do?

My first counselor once gave me a great method. It's called the "packing method."

Hey there! I know it can be tough to deal with negative emotions, but I'm here to help! Try talking to your emotions like you would a friend. Say, "I'm sorry, but this isn't the right time to lose your cool. I'll take you home with me for now, and I'll talk to you when I have a moment."

"

Then, when I go home, I think about how I'm going to deal with those negative emotions.

I usually keep a pair of boxing gloves at home. When I get emotional, I put them on and punch the walls of my house. It's a little silly, I know, but it really helps!

I'm sure you have pillows at home! If you do, you can hit them when you want to lose your temper and can't vent it on other people.

I really hope the problem you're having gets sorted out soon.

I'm sorry, but I can only think of these things right now.

I really hope my answer helps and inspires you, my fellow student. I'm here for you, and I'm studying hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hello! I can see that you have conflicts and contradictions within, but I can also see that you are working on them! You are not sure how to deal with your anger, and you are a little anxious, but I know you can do it! As someone who used to have a very bad temper, I understand you very well, and I am excited to help you!

First, I see that you say more and more people say you have a bad temper. Is it because you often vent your anger towards the outside world that you feel the outside world's evaluation of you is that you are bad, a bad-tempered person, and not easy to get along with? You are worried about not being recognized by others and losing friends, so you feel that you need to change when you lose your temper. This is an excellent opportunity for you to work on your self-awareness and understanding of how your emotions arise and affect you! Practicing self-awareness and understanding how your emotions arise and affect you will help you to calm your bad temper.

Second, if you can avoid losing your temper, you'll have the chance to practice suppressing your negative emotions. This can feel uncomfortable at first, but it's an important step in learning how to deal with these negative emotions in a healthy way.

I'm thrilled to share some advice based on my own experience and the psychology I've studied!

First, when you lose your temper and feel your emotions rising, pause and become self-aware. That is, step outside your emotions and consider what is going on in your body right now, what sensations you are feeling, such as trembling, tightness in the chest, rapid breathing, rapid heartbeat, etc. Then become aware of your emotions again. I am very, very angry right now, but why? Is this incident really worth getting so angry about?

Why am I so angry about this? What do I feel is wrong? Let's find out!

Practicing self-awareness and understanding how your emotions arise and affect you is a great way to calm your bad temper!

Second, when you are in a stable mood, you can do more mindfulness meditation and relaxation training. These are available on the Meditation Planet of Yixin, and the psychological teachers can also help you to be self-aware. In daily life, you should also be more aware of your various emotions and re-evaluate what kind of person you are.

Once you understand where these temperaments come from, the next time you lose your temper, you'll be able to feel that they're all part of your own body. You'll be able to accept their existence more, and your temper will slowly become better! I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Dear Questioner, I understand you are seeking advice on whether you should express your temper or keep it in check.

You are experiencing distress due to two factors. Firstly, your bad temper has led to interpersonal issues. Secondly, you are uncertain about whether you should express your temper, as you believe doing so will result in negative consequences and is challenging to suppress. I offer you my support and understanding.

1. Is having a bad temper always an unfavorable quality?

I believe that the term "temper" is synonymous with the term "emotions." Emotions can be either positive or negative. Positive emotions are generally accepted, while negative emotions are often rejected. People naturally seek happiness. However, emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. Emotions serve a specific purpose. For instance, anger often arises when we feel unfairly treated, prompting us to fight for fair treatment when we feel angry. Fear, on the other hand, can signal danger and motivate us to take measures to ensure our safety. Consequently, even negative emotions are not inherently negative. They serve a specific purpose and role.

Similarly, a bad temper is not necessarily always a negative trait. It can prevent other individuals from asking for too much or daring to provoke you. Whether it's temper or emotions, used correctly, they can add value and empowerment to your professional life.

2. Deciding whether to suppress or vent emotions is a challenging task.

It is important to express your emotions in a timely manner for your own health. If you do not express your love, it will become a secret love. If you do not express your anger, it may lead to hatred. If you do not express your guilt, you may attack yourself. Therefore, it is important to express your emotions in a timely manner.

It is important to express our emotions, but not to vent them.

Venting is an unidirectional process; it is merely a means of releasing emotions without seeking feedback. After venting, if there is no positive feedback, the problem may remain unresolved and the emotions may intensify.

In expressing emotions, two methods are recommended:

Discuss the facts of a situation. It is often helpful to refrain from judging a person based on their actions alone. Instead, focus on the event itself and the emotions it evokes. It is important to recognize that our feelings may not always align with the situation itself.

For example, if a colleague ignores you when you meet in person, it may be because they are in a bad mood or distracted and did not notice. However, you may feel disrespected and therefore angry. At this point, you are no longer just dealing with the matter, but judging the event and the person through a negative lens.

It is important to express your feelings without judgment. You may choose to express your anger and sadness, but it is essential to refrain from attacking others.

As an illustration, we might say, "What you just said makes me feel..."

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It is important to use your emotions as a resource. They can help you recognize unfriendliness and danger, avoid being attacked and hurt, and serve as a reminder to become a better version of yourself. However, a good resource should not be used casually, but rather wisely.

In the event of a threat, it is of course appropriate to utilise this resource for protection. There is no need to do so otherwise.

Should you require assistance in regulating your emotions, you are encouraged to seek the guidance of a qualified psychologist.

Hello, question asker!

You tend to get angry and let it show, which makes those around you feel bad. But you don't want to suppress it either, because that makes you feel bad.

I'm glad you thought to come for help and find a way to not make others feel bad without making yourself feel bad.

In his book Nonviolent Communication, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg of the United States says that when we're faced with words or actions we don't like, we have four options for how to respond: 1. Blaming ourselves, 2. Blaming others, 3. Feeling empathy for ourselves, and 4. Feeling empathy for others. When we choose the second option, anger arises.

When we blame others when we're angry, we're basically playing God, judging or accusing them of being wrong or deserving punishment.

He thinks that there's always a reason behind anger. It often makes us lash out at others, but if we can see that we have unmet needs, then anger can be a useful indicator.

He suggests that when we're angry, we switch our thinking from "I'm angry because they..." to "I'm angry because I need..."

When you identify your own needs, you'll find it's easier to understand others and get what you need.

He suggests there are four steps to take when expressing anger.

First, take a deep breath and pause for a moment.

Next, take a look at the critical thoughts that make you angry.

Next, try to connect with the underlying need behind these thoughts.

Four, speak up about how you feel. By this point, your anger will have transformed into feelings and needs.

Let's look at an example to see how this works in practice.

The wife is angry when her husband comes home late several days in a row. If she expresses her anger directly, it might sound like this: "What's wrong with you?"

"You're always coming home so late, and I'm the one doing all the housework and taking care of the kids. Do you even care about this family anymore?"

The husband will definitely get angry when he hears this: "I work so hard outside, and when I come home, you just blame me." The couple will then fall into a cycle of mutual recriminations, both getting angry, and the problem not being resolved.

Give the four steps to expressing anger a try.

First, take a moment to pause, take a deep breath, and do nothing. Don't accuse or punish anyone, just be quiet.

2. Identify the thought that makes you angry. In this case, the wife's thought is, "My husband just works all the time and doesn't help out with the family!"

Third, think about what's really going on here. The wife might want her husband to come home early because she finds it too hard to do the housework alone and needs his help, or because she is lonely and needs more interaction with him.

Fourth, express your anger, but really get to the heart of what you need. The wife could say, "I've been doing the housework alone these few days, and I also feel lonely without communicating with you. If possible, I hope you can come home early to spend more time with me."

Even if the husband can't do it, he'll definitely talk to his wife about it so they don't end up accusing each other.

Hi, I'm Haru Aoki. I just wanted to say that I love you all, and I hope you have a great day!

Hello, host. I appreciate your question as it has prompted me to reflect on some of my own experiences.

In fact, before I studied psychology, I was a very grumpy person. I don't know why I have so much anger inside me. Just a little thing can set me off. I feel like I'm a monster with detonators stuck all over my body. The slightest thing from the outside world sets off the fuse and I explode. Everyone I hurt is in great pain, including my family, friends, and even strangers.

After studying psychology, I gradually came to understand that these feelings of anger may have originated from not being treated as well as they could have been by my caregivers in my early years. It seems that my various needs were not always allowed to be expressed, which may have resulted in some suppression.

Through studying psychology, I have come to understand that there may be underlying needs that are not being met. When I notice these emotions, I try to connect with them, identify the underlying needs, and then compensate for myself as much as possible.

I am pleased to say that my short temper has begun to subside. I am no longer afraid of conflicts, and I have come to see them as helpful reminders that prompt me to reflect on what may have triggered the conflict and what the conflict may be trying to show me.

I believe that it's simply a matter of connecting with these emotions one after the other and becoming aware of these conflicts. I'm grateful that people who know me say that I've become softer and easier to get along with.

I hope that my experiences can provide the original poster with a perspective on your emotions, and I also hope that the original poster can reconcile with your emotions soon, discover your own beauty, and let it shine.

Dear question asker, I am honored to answer your question. After reading your description, I understand that you are seeking guidance on when to lose your temper and whether you should lose your temper.

First and foremost, anger is a natural emotion that serves to alert others to the fact that their actions may affect my interests, and to ask them to reconsider their actions in light of those interests.

However, most adults and mature individuals rarely express anger because they can achieve their goal of stopping others from infringing on their interests through calm words. Expressing their opinions in an angry manner may not be the most effective way to convey their point.

It is often the case that people become angry when they feel that they are in an uncontrollable situation. One way of using anger to express your feelings is to shock the other person and stop the situation from developing. Using anger appropriately can help to maintain a positive relationship between people and reduce misunderstandings because you have made your attitude clear in time. The principle of whether to use anger is:

After using this emotion, did things develop as you had hoped? If so, it suggests that your expression of anger was reasonable. If not, it indicates that your expression of anger may have been unreasonable. It's also worth noting that the more people say you have a bad temper, the more likely it is that you may not want to use anger to make a point, but rather to attract attention to yourself. This could potentially increase the emotional cost of communicating with you, which might affect everyone's experience of communicating with you.

One effective approach is to silently count to three when you feel your patience is wearing thin. If, after counting to three, you still feel the situation warrants a calm and collected response, it may be helpful to consider the importance of the situation.

One of the main reasons why people tend to lose their temper is that they often subjectively exaggerate the impact of events on themselves. If they were to treat unexpected events in a more realistic manner, remain calm and respond in a positive way, they could potentially achieve the results they desire. I am happy to have an appointment with you. 1983. The world and I love you!

Hi there, I'm sending you a big hug from head to toe.

It really depends on the situation. There's no simple answer to whether you should or shouldn't let your temper get the better of you.

It means that when we encounter the same thing, we may behave differently depending on the situation and who we're with. So, this question can't be answered simply by saying that we either express or suppress our emotions.

First of all, everyone has a temper. There's no right or wrong, good or bad about temper or emotions.

Our temper or emotions are our reaction to external stimuli. For example, if someone steps on you and you get angry, that anger is the emotion.

For instance, if the girl you like steps on you, you probably won't be angry, but you might feel a little pleased because there's a reason for further interaction. This pleased feeling is also your emotion.

As you can see, emotions are our response to external stimuli.

However, the same event may lead us to feel different emotions. This is because there is a link between the event and our emotions and behaviors, which is our interpretation of the event.

American psychologist Albert Ellis came up with the ABC theory of emotions. This theory says that A is the stimulus event, like someone stepping on you. C is the emotion or behavior, like getting angry and lashing out or gloating. And B is your interpretation of the stimulus event.

Everyone sees things differently. The same thing can be interpreted in different ways by different people, and the same person can interpret the same thing in different ways at different times. How we see things is influenced by things like upbringing, beliefs, other people involved, and the environment.

How we see and react to things can affect our emotions and behavior. There's nothing wrong with having any emotion. But how we express and act on those emotions can impact others, and that's when we need to pay attention.

As the saying goes, society isn't going to coddle you. We need to learn how to express our emotions in a way that's productive.

Second, losing your temper can sometimes be an effective way to get others to submit and take control.

As the old saying goes, a child who cries gets sweets. Why? Because when a child uses crying as a weapon, an adult may give him something to make him stop crying or making a fuss. This is actually the adult being controlled by the child.

Another example is a student who is late for class. At first, the teacher talks nicely to the student, telling him not to be late. But the student doesn't take it seriously. The third time it happens, the teacher decides that she can't take it anymore and slaps the desk, telling the late student to stand in punishment. The student is warned that if he is late again, his parents will be called. The student may then receive the teacher's dissatisfaction with his lateness and will restrain his behavior. In this way, the teacher uses anger to adjust the student's behavior and move him in the desired direction.

Another example is when there's an argument. Some people say that the right way to argue is not to raise your voice, but in fact, the right way is to raise your voice. Your voice is a weapon, a way to express your anger and your refusal to give in.

Often, when someone says, "I can't control my temper," a big part of the reason is that they benefit from losing their temper. Especially when they were young, their parents would give in to their demands when they lost their temper. Gradually, they came to think that this was a good approach and they wanted to keep using it. But as the saying goes, society is not your mother, and it won't indulge you.

You might say, "I can't control my temper," but you can.

Let's look at a small case. You've been working overtime all night, and when you get home, you see that your child, who should be doing his homework, is still playing games on his phone. You ask your child if he's finished his homework.

The child says with a smirk, "No." You get pretty mad and tell the kid to stop playing with his phone and get his homework done.

You're pretty upset, saying that you work hard and your child is inconsiderate all day.

The boss called. As soon as you answered, your expression changed and your voice returned to normal. You spoke to your boss in the same calm tone you usually use in the office. You even cracked a joke with your boss and laughed.

Once you've hung up the phone, if you see your child still holding it, switch to angry mode in a second, keep on criticizing your child, and change your face as fast as a Sichuan opera master.

You can control your emotions. It's up to you whether you want to do that or not, and you can decide that after weighing up the pros and cons.

Third, when you feel like you might lose your cool, ask yourself what you want to achieve and whether there's a better way to do it.

For instance, if your child isn't doing their homework and you want them to, have you considered other ways of getting them to do it?

For instance, you could ask your child why they didn't do their homework, or if it was too difficult, and so on.

Pick a way of dealing with it that doesn't hurt you and keep your eye on the goal.

I suggest you read a book called "Emotions, Please Open the Door and Release Yourself from Being Trapped in Emotions."

Fourth, if you really can't help getting angry, but you can't let it turn into a full-blown rage, you can choose another way to vent afterwards.

For instance, you could play some competitive sports, such as basketball, football, boxing, or running, to blow off some steam in a safe way.

You can also write it out if you want to. No one is reading it anyway, so just write it down, hide it, or burn it when you're done. Then you can just continue being a stable adult.

I'd also suggest checking out the book Act Like a Stable Adult Every Day.

I'd also recommend speaking with a counselor to make more targeted adjustments.

I'm a counselor who is often both Buddhist and depressed, but I also have moments of positivity and motivation. I love the world and I love you.

Hello!

If we translate "bad temper" as having negative emotions, releasing them through losing one's temper, and the impression this gives others that you do it often.

Emotions are natural. They signal and drive us to take action. Imagine a time long ago. If you were a hunter and saw a tiger in the jungle, how would you feel?

What if you saw a fat rabbit in the meadow?

Different people feel different things. I guess only Wu Song would have the courage of a hero after only a moment of fear. An ordinary person would be afraid when they see a tiger and run away.

Seeing a tiger can make you afraid. Fear is a signal that something is wrong. It makes you run away.

If you haven't found food in a while and see a rabbit, you'll probably feel excited, not afraid. You've been looking for food and now it's right in front of you. Seeing the rabbit makes you happy and excited. This is a good sign: food! Then you'll probably draw an arrow and put it on the bow.

Emotions are a form of mental energy that helps us judge situations and take action. When we take action, we release this energy, and we feel calm. We are no longer in danger, hungry, or uncomfortable, and we can rest peacefully.

If you don't lose your temper, you'll feel uncomfortable. As you said, "If you don't lose your temper when you're angry, you'll be depressed and uncomfortable." So from the perspective of the generation and release of emotions,

If you lose your temper, it releases negative emotions. If you don't, you'll be uncomfortable. So losing your temper is better for your health than holding in your emotions.

This answers the original poster's question: "Should you lose your temper or not?"

When can you lose your temper?

It's good for your health to let off steam when you get angry. You should do so whenever you feel like it. However, the original poster asked, "Do we have to digest all our emotions ourselves, and only lose our temper when we can't?" This implies that we can't lose our temper whenever we feel like it. It depends on who you lose your temper at and what the consequences will be.

When you lose your temper, you release energy that goes to the person you're angry with.

This is also emotional energy. Nobody wants to feel bad when someone shoves it at them.

We like people with good tempers and lots of smiles. Emotions are contagious. Would you rather be with someone pleasant and comfortable, or someone who is always blowing up?

When to lose your temper depends on the situation. This is a complicated topic because it depends on where your temper comes from and how the other person reacts to it. Let's use the tiger and the fat rabbit again: would you dare to lose your temper with the tiger and say, "Why are you staring at me, you want to eat me?"

If you lose your temper, you may put yourself in danger. You will avoid losing your temper because you are angry. The fat rabbit is powerless to resist. You are safe when you lose your temper, and you feel comfortable after. The fat rabbit suffers.

In daily life, young children are most likely to become their parents' fat rabbits.

What should you do when you're angry?

Holding back anger is a way of avoiding danger. If you are angry at your boss and don't express it, it will stay inside you. Then when you go home and see that your child has not done the homework as requested, you will become the last person to whom your boss vents his anger.

Learn to recognize why you're angry and return it to the person who gave it to you. It's easier said than done, and you need a professional psychologist.

Anger is not the same as anger. It's a signal that someone has taken something you worked hard to get. If you don't get angry, will you just give it away?

Our emotions are complex. Anger at someone who stole your rabbit is a primary emotion, which protects you. Anger at your child because you are angry at the person who stole your rabbit is a secondary emotion, which hurts people. I answered a question about primary and secondary emotions the other day. See the link below.

https://m.xinli001.com/qa/100805534?is_share=1&sharetype=app

I suggest you find a counselor. With their help, you can figure out why you get angry. You will discover that you have been angry for 20 or 30 years. You were angry at your parents' leader when you were a child. Working with a counselor, you can learn how to deal with this energy.

You will understand your difficulties, be kind to yourself, and no longer be angry.

Use emotions to understand yourself, not to control yourself. Controlling emotions is necessary, but it is also controlling.

That's all. I love you.

Hello! I'm Enoch, your answerer.

The questioner is troubled because he cannot control his emotions. He does not know whether to suppress them or let them out.

The best way to deal with emotions is to manage them.

In our daily lives, we meet different people and things. Everyone is different, so it's natural to feel different emotions.

When emotions arise, calm down, think about why you feel this way, and then look for good solutions. You will learn to get along with others and adapt to different situations. You will feel more accomplished and your relationships will improve.

Negative emotions will go away.

If you're positive, you'll manage your emotions better. You'll feel less negative emotion. You won't need to control or vent your emotions.