Doubts in your heart: should you go and work elsewhere, or should you stay and help your family?

Hello! I'm here to answer the question from the person who is torn between self-development and dedication to the family.

I've read your message several times, and each time I feel an urge to encourage you to go for it! Pursue your career and focus on your future development. I can't help but feel sorry for you, and I feel that you are placing yourself in a position that is too low and too far back.

I know it's not that simple to just walk away. How does a mother place her emotions, raise a younger sister, and take responsibility for family life? All of these things are realities that the eldest daughter cannot avoid due to her innate sense of responsibility. Therefore, if this part of the complex cannot be resolved, you may regret and blame yourself no matter which choice you make. But don't worry! There are plenty of ways to make the best of this situation.

First, picture what your life would be like today, three years from now, if you chose to develop yourself. Imagine how you could support your mother, sister, and family in that state. Now, picture what your life would be like if you chose to stay at home.

Just imagine for a moment how your relationship with your mother, sister, and father might be different in each of these two options!

Let's make this assumption, take some time out, and distance ourselves from the current situation a little. I think you'll find it really helps you see more clearly the meaning of different choices for us! It's not reality, but I think you can see the big difference.

Our responsibilities to our parents and family don't end at any particular point in time! Similarly, as parents, I'm sure they'd love to see you have a better future.

Our choice to leave our hometown and develop elsewhere is not a sign of detachment from responsibility. It's simply a way of fulfilling our responsibilities in a different way!

For example, in terms of your influence on your younger sister, the support and help you can give her at home may be academic tutoring, taking her out for a walk, timely communication, etc. If you are in a big city, this kind of companionship and support may be reduced, but you are also setting an example of a mature and successful woman who loves herself and pursues self-development. The best part is, you don't need to lecture her! Your own speech and vision are in themselves a demonstration. It will be helpful to help her establish an outlook on life and values.

Just because we're living a little further apart doesn't mean we're any less in love! In fact, this distance brings a certain sweetness to our relationship.

For the mother who worries you the most, you can find a quiet moment to tell her your worries and concerns, and express your love for her. She may not be able to understand and accept everything, but this way of communicating will, to some extent, show her that her daughter has grown up and will have her own developmental needs. We cannot bear all of her emotional needs, but you can show her that you love her and that you're ready to support her in any way she needs!

When we love and understand ourselves enough, you will find that the support and love you can give to your mother will be deeper and stronger—it's a wonderful feeling!

As I speak, I can't help but get really excited and want to persuade you. Or you can try writing down your thoughts and emotional feelings one by one to see what the deeper expectations and desires are behind our worries. Perhaps at that time, it will be more helpful for you to do some work on your own expectations and desires.

And finally, I wish us all the very best as we love our family members and don't lose sight of who we are!

Hello, Whenever I meet a sensible girl who knows what's best for her family, I always get lost in thought. It's so important to be sensible and take responsibility for your own life. The more sensible you are, the more your family might ignore you, but the more sacrifices you make, the more justified you feel.

I feel really guilty.

I think you're asking two main things: how to plan your personal development and how to handle your relationship with your family of origin. It could also be a conflict between your ideal self and your real self. Your ideal self wants to do what you love, but your real self is suffering from being unable to leave your mother's side.

1. This is a personal planning issue.

You have a dream to go to a big city and develop your career. This is your ideal, and it's worth pursuing. To achieve your goals, you're willing to work hard to make your dreams a reality.

I'm not sure if you've got a plan for this aspect, and I don't think it's the focus of our discussion right now.

2. About your guilt towards your family

Have you run your ideas past your folks? What's their take on you chasing your dreams?

Can you get their support?

As for your parents, that's their problem. Your mom has accepted this marriage, and no matter how you feel, you can't help them solve their problems.

What can you do if you stay? What can you do to help your mother change?

Do you want to be the one to take care of your sister and your parents?

From what you've said, your past days have been pretty rough, but your mom has come through it strong. Things seem to be better now than they were in the past.

I'm sure your mom can do a good job.

If I were in your shoes, I'd want to develop myself and realize my potential. When I have greater abilities, I'll go help them. When I stay, I really can't help them improve.

3. When you start your own family

If you end up forming your own family in the future, do you think you'll be responsible for your own family or will you continue to be responsible for your biological family?

You should think about this question.

I'd suggest:

1. Have a chat with your mother.

Tell your mother what you want to do. Let her know you want to get out there and live your own life for a few years without worrying about what other people think. Tell her you're determined to make your own way in the world. And tell her what's on your mind.

Do you need to understand what your mother really thinks? Ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own lives.

Maybe your mom will stop worrying if you're determined and can give her a solid explanation of why you're sticking with it.

2. Sense of role boundaries

This is something you need to think about. Do you want to be your daughter's role model? Or do you want to be your parents' "parent"?

When you become a daughter, what can you do to contribute to the family?

If you do end up becoming parents, what can you do for them?

What do you really want to achieve for yourself?

Hello, question asker!

I really feel for your director. I can see that you are full of empathy for your family. Your family of origin has brought you disappointment. You have fought against your fate. You have taken care of your family. You feel for your mother and worry about your younger sister. But I can't see a single sentence that shows you care for yourself. To some extent, your mother has treated you like a close friend rather than a daughter, confiding in you and hoping you can share her pain. I really feel for you, sweetie, and I give you a warm hug.

"You know, developing yourself is the best blessing you can give your family."

I came across a video by Wu Zhihong, a teacher, that really made an impression on me. It helped me understand what it means to truly love yourself. He said that young lives should be directed towards growth, without guilt, and that self-development is the top priority. He told the story of a mother who couldn't handle her own problems and couldn't establish a good emotional connection with her husband. Instead, she was closely connected to her daughter, and ultimately ruined her daughter's happiness for life. It's so sad!

Every parent wants their child to live a happy life. It's only when their child is happy that parents feel relieved. I really think you'd benefit from watching the "Become the Best Version of Yourself" series of videos by Wu Zhihong on Bilibili. It'll definitely give you a lot of inspiration and courage!

Let's chat about Maslow's self-actualization. Maslow said, "We can define self-actualization as an episode or a spurt, in which human capabilities come together in a particularly effective and intensely joyful way (peak experience)."

At this time, Ta is more integrated and less fragmented, and the experience is also more candid, more specific, more completely autonomous or spontaneous, more creative, more self-transcending, and more independent of his lower needs. In these episodes, he truly becomes himself, more perfectly realizes his potential, gets closer to the core of his being, and becomes a more complete person. It's so important to recognize that what hinders people from self-realization are things like the "Jonah complex" and the "desacralization psychological defense."

The "Jonah complex" is a psychological term coined by the famous American psychologist Abraham Maslow. Simply put, the "Jonah complex" is the fear of growing up.

It comes from a hypothesis in psychodynamic theory: "People are afraid not only of failure, but also of success." I think the questioner has a deep Jonah complex that needs to be opened. Your mother's life is undoubtedly unhappy in your opinion, and you are fully capable of changing your own destiny and living a life different from your mother's. Why not embrace your own future? Your mother is perfectly capable of taking responsibility for her own life.

The pressure to survive in a first-tier city is great, but it's also a very friendly place for women. You'll find no stereotypical perceptions or prejudices here! If you know your own talents and specialties and your life goals, you can absolutely thrive in a first-tier city. But, if you lose the connection with your hometown, you might also face some mental challenges, such as loneliness.

For example, after getting married and starting a family, raising children. If you are from a small town, you can get a lot of support from your relatives in raising children, which is really helpful! In a first-tier city, you basically have to rely on money to solve most problems, which can be tough. These are all things you need to consider clearly in terms of self-development, and I'm here to help!

I'm so happy to hear that you've been able to reduce the burden on your family. If you can go to a big city to develop your career, you can still provide some financial support to your mother while ensuring your own living. You can also provide your ten-year-old sister with a window to the world. You were both excellent in conduct and grades at school. You were able to get a job offer despite the difficult situation caused by the pandemic. All of this is proof of your excellence. Don't give up on yourself before the world beats you. You've got this!

You mentioned your concerns about your younger sister. I'm sure you went through the same thing when you were young! Why not go to a first-tier city and forge your own path? Once you've established a firm foothold, you may be able to help your younger sister escape her original environment and receive a better education and development. But remember, all of this is predicated on your own full self-realization.

Please don't give up on yourself and your own development. You have the chance to change your destiny, and in turn, you can help your mother and sister change theirs too. Don't let guilt stop you.

[Self-care]

It feels like you've always lived in a way that's focused on giving to others. That's a wonderful quality, but it can also be a bit risky. People who don't know how to love themselves can sometimes harm a relationship because they give so much. It's important for you to focus on caring for yourself. When you have the financial means, go into a psychological counseling room this morning and get long-term psychological counseling for yourself. You are such an amazing and kind girl, and you deserve all the beauty and happiness in the world. Don't let the trauma brought to you by your original family cause you to suffer misfortune. Starting today, you can also consciously learn some knowledge about psychology. I recommend two books to you: The Ladder to Heaven.

This book is a great resource for understanding how childhood experiences can impact our brain nerves. There's also a wonderful book called "The Neglected Child" that explores how our current personalities were shaped. Plus, it offers lots of practical tips to help you reignite your motivation!

Hi, I'm Zhang Huili, a psychological counselor here in Shanghai. I came from Henan, which is a big province for the college entrance exam. I hope my answer helps you and my advice brings some light into your heart. I wish you all the best for the future!

Dear girl,

Hi, I'm Kelly Shui!

I know it's a tough decision, but I'm here to help you figure it out. Do you want to go work elsewhere or stay and help your family?

I can see your conflicts and concerns, sweetheart. You are a responsible person who loves your family very much, but the most important thing is that we return to our own lives.

1: I know you love your family, but how many years do you think you can take care of this home even if you don't leave?

2: What are your own thoughts on the matter?

Take out a piece of paper and write down all the reasons you want to stay and the reasons you want to work in the city you're dreaming of!

I'm sure you'll find the answer when you write it down!

3: Everyone loves their family in a different way, and I truly believe that working hard and living a good life is also one way to love your family.

When you're an older woman with a younger sister in school and you've got the chance to help your family, you'll feel really good about yourself.

So it's not about being around all the time, but about the way you love? Absolutely! There are so many different ways to show your love.

Let's keep going with the analysis, shall we?

[Things from the original family]

The family is going through a tough time financially. It seems like the parents have taken out a lot of loans to try to keep the business afloat, but they haven't been able to make any money from it.

This is something the parents need to work through together. You've already done a great job, getting a scholarship through your own efforts!

We learn to separate issues, which means understanding what is our own business and what is our parents' business. It's so important to know the difference!

Parents are adults and need to take responsibility for themselves. We all have to learn to take care of ourselves and each other.

I'm so sorry to hear that your father is hitting your mother. That is just awful. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

1: It's so important to know if the father is prone to domestic violence. If it is serious, the mother needs to assess the situation herself, and the mother also needs to be aware of this and put an end to this behavior.

2: Have a heart-to-heart with your father. You've grown up now! If you love and respect your father, maybe that was a tough time for him emotionally (the business wasn't doing well, he was under a lot of pressure, etc.). You love your family so much! As the most educated and capable person in the family, have a family meeting or write your father a letter and tell him how you feel.

I really think that open and honest communication is one of the best ways to go about this.

And, sweetie, you should definitely tell your dad that hitting people is just not okay.

3: The most important thing is the husband-wife relationship.

It's so important to believe that your parents' intentions are always for the good of the family. After all, your mom is running a business by herself, which is the main source of income for the family.

It's so great to see how your family is doing! I know that marriages go through ups and downs, especially when they last for decades. It's so inspiring to see how your family has been through a lot and is still developing in a positive direction.

1: You can already work!

2: Your sweet sister is growing up at her own pace.

3: Dad has invested in a new project, which is expected to do well.

4: Your mom still has a shop to provide for her living expenses.

I'm sure you'll agree that your parents are still trying their best for the family.

[Mom's emotions]

As a family, emotions affect each other. You feel that your sweet mother has worked too hard for the family (my own dear mother has complained to me many times).

You also care deeply about your mother, so you've become a close confidant to her and have worked hard to become a good person yourself.

As we grow up, we can also grow and care for ourselves. It's so important to understand your mother, but try not to be affected by her emotions.

1: You should definitely try meditation and yoga!

2: As you grow up and have a family of your own in the future, you'll see that married life has its sweet and sour moments, just like life in general!

3: We'd love to hear about the amazing things your parents have taught you, as well as the things you've learned from them that maybe weren't so great.

And what are some ways we can avoid these shortcomings early on?

4: I'd love to know if your emotions are influenced by your mother.

Your mom's emotions and her life are her own, and you have your own life to live.

I truly believe that when you're doing well, growing up, and realizing your dreams, your parents will be so happy for you!

[About yourself]

You've already got the answer to this one, sweetheart. You can help your mom out at the store and take care of your little sister during your breaks (even if you don't want to).

This is your true feeling, and your own feelings are the most important, sweetheart.

I just want you to think about this: if you stay, will you regret it one day?

As someone who has been in the workplace, I know that working away from home is not a vacation. It's a whole new ballgame! You'll face new challenges, but you've got this!

You've got this! All you need to do is invest in learning about the workplace, be able to face all kinds of pressure, and also invest your time and energy. Just like you worked hard to get scholarships in the past, it's all about your hard work and dedication, as well as self-discipline and perseverance. You've got this!

I truly believe that your mom and dad will be there for each other and that they can repair their relationship after fighting, just as they have done in the past.

I really hope that after your talk, the family will also change.

You have the power to set a great example for your family, and your younger sister will see a wonderful you. You can be wonderful, and I truly believe your younger sister will become more and more wonderful too!

Parents can also grow. You can learn psychology, and in the future, you can also bring fresh blood and new ideas to the family. It's a great idea to regularly send some books to your family.

Happy birthday, dear friend!

I love you, world, and I love you too!

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

I'm glad I got your message. I hope my advice helps. From what you said, I can see you're confused and want help.

You want to follow your heart and choose the city you want to work in, but you also want to support your mother, who works hard for the family. You think you can only choose one and give up the other. If you follow your heart, you will feel guilty about your mother's hard work raising you. This will make you feel selfish and ungrateful. What do you think?

You may feel conflicted and painful right now. But there is more love behind this: love for yourself and your family. Healthy love makes you happy, while unhealthy love can hold you back.

Your parents worked hard to raise you and send you to school. You wanted to repay them by studying hard and changing your life. No matter how hard you studied or how your parents struggled to send you to school, you both wanted you to have a happy future. What do you think?

By going to the university you wanted to, you are fulfilling a dream for your parents and repaying them for their hard work. Your mother had to face violence, neglect, and lack of support from your father. She was angry at you, but as a child, you loved her and felt guilty about going to school.

Your mother's hard work while you were growing up was not directed at you. She hopes her efforts will not become a burden that prevents you from becoming a better person.

Tell your mother about your current problems and feelings of guilt. This shows your love for her. It lets her know that all her hard work has not been in vain. It also lets you let go of your guilt. You can then let your mother and family love you for who you are. This will help you become a better person. What do you say?

Love yourself before loving others. Become the person you want to be to repay and love your parents.

Bless you!

Good morning!

Allow yourself to be embraced. Take a deep breath. The development of self-awareness in relation to health requires us to continually enhance our capacity to discern things, and more importantly, to consistently update our internal self-awareness system. This enables us to form an objective self-awareness image, rather than being constrained by external judgments of ourselves.

1. It may be helpful to reestablish inner self-confidence and separate from the issues of the original family.

People who did not grow up in a happy family environment may face challenges in establishing a sense of self-worth as adults. They may display more signs of low self-confidence, insecurity, and a lack of self-acceptance. This could be because in their family environment they were not seen or valued as a member of the family. It may be difficult for them to gain recognition and affirmation within the family, and they may lack a sense of self-acceptance. As adults, they may look outside for a sense of self-worth and acceptance, and long to be accepted and understood.

However, a lack of self-confidence can make it challenging for them to find true self-confidence and inner security in a new relationship. This can lead to a tendency to avoid relationships and conflicts, which can in turn result in further inner self-conflict.

It might be helpful for them to pay more attention to their own needs. The helplessness and vulnerability of their parents may have led to feelings of guilt, but it's important to recognize that the unhappiness in the original family should not be shared by the children. It's not fair to burden them with that pressure. If someone felt too weak to survive without relying on their parents as a child, it's not necessary to remain tied to one's family as an adult. Everyone has the right to be happy, and there's no reason to feel guilty about it.

2. Consider learning to care for and love yourself.

For someone who feels inferior in their family of origin, it may be challenging to develop the ability to love themselves if they are convinced that they do not deserve happiness. This is because the perception they grew up with was that valuing and loving oneself was a feeling they had never experienced. It can also be difficult to feel a sense of inner worth and develop a true sense of self-identification.

If you find yourself overwhelmed by chaotic feelings, it might be helpful to relax your body and mind. You could try focusing your attention on the parts of your body that feel tense, such as your stomach or lungs, and any other areas that feel the same way. Breathe in through your abdomen, and then slowly exhale. Repeat this process until you feel more relaxed. It's important to remember that long-term internal stress can make it challenging to pay attention to our own needs, let alone help ourselves manage our emotions. Taking care of ourselves, and in particular, taking care of our emotions, is an essential part of the process.

3. Consider developing a sense of self-worth.

I feel that my mother has worked too hard for this family. She has expressed this to me on numerous occasions. If I were to work locally, I could assist my mother with the store and my younger sister during my breaks. However, I have reservations about this. The thought of going to work in a foreign place and being carefree, while my mother is working hard and I'm not sharing the burden, could potentially lead to arguments and disagreements. No one is by my sister's side, and I feel a sense of guilt and selfishness.

The father's actions have already had a significant impact on this family, and the situation continues to evolve. It's important to recognize that the mother made her own choices and is responsible for her actions. At the same time, the younger sister requires more care and attention. The absence of her parents has led the questioner to take on additional responsibilities, which is understandable. However, it's crucial to assess whether the questioner is truly equipped to shoulder these responsibilities, especially in the long term.

It seems that the questioner has a different view of herself than she does of her original family. People who have long neglected to consider themselves may find it challenging to accept their need for care. Similarly, families whose original family dynamics have formed an inherent pattern may also have a hard time recognizing the responsibilities that a healthy family should bear. This can lead to a vicious cycle where the questioner has needs and needs help, yet feels unable to replace or help themselves.

Finding one's own future direction and sense of inner value can be a source of individual independence, self-confidence, and happiness. It may be helpful to consider that there is no need to be held hostage by one's family of origin or external evaluation standards. When a person has truly established a sense of confidence within themselves and accepts themselves, they may be better able to truly accept themselves and form a healthy relationship with their family of origin.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can persevere.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to address a question you posed. Thank you for your interest in our services. Please let me know if there is anything further I can do for you. Best regards,

From your description, I can ascertain that you are a dutiful individual who cares about your mother's feelings and is willing to make sacrifices. However, there seems to be a conflict between your ideals and your concern for your mother, which is causing you to feel somewhat conflicted. Is that an accurate assessment?

I offer you my support and acknowledge your wisdom. If you have a problem, please speak up. Although you came here to discuss it and may seek advice or assistance from the group, I understand you have ideas and concerns that you'd like to share. It's understandable that some minor issues have caused you to feel uncertain at the moment. This is a common experience. When you overcome this challenge, you will make significant progress.

Everyone is an expert at solving their own problems. Sometimes we weigh the pros and cons and do not take immediate action, which can lead to a sense of hesitation. This is a common phenomenon that many individuals experience.

Next, identify your mother's primary objective. What would be the most effective way for you to achieve your goals while simultaneously providing her with a sense of ease and relaxation?

I would like to see you again. I hope I can be of further assistance in helping you to clarify your thoughts.

First, develop self-love as a foundation for loving others.

From your description, I can ascertain that your mother's living environment is suboptimal. Of course, you are also very hardworking, and you have not caused your mother any undue concern while you were at school. I believe your mother must be very proud of you!

You have consistently demonstrated a willingness to assist your mother, eager to share the burden. However, it is crucial to recognize that before you can effectively support others, you must first nurture self-love. Only when you are sufficiently resilient will you possess the capacity to assist your mother. What are your thoughts on this matter?

Secondly, it would be beneficial to communicate with your mother.

I am aware that choosing to pursue your aspirations may result in feelings of guilt towards your mother. Conversely, opting to remain at home may lead to feelings of regret. In such circumstances, it is crucial to determine the most appropriate course of action. I recommend that you engage in open communication with your mother regarding your thoughts, feelings of guilt, and regrets. I am confident that your mother will demonstrate unwavering love and support for you.

The next step is to clarify your objectives.

It is not uncommon to feel adrift in life. It is important to understand the underlying reasons for this feeling. Is it due to our character or because we do not truly desire it? It is essential to identify your core objectives. Pursuing your dreams may entail challenges, but it will also be rewarding. It is crucial to move forward with conviction and determination.

If you wish to remain at home with your mother and assist her, you must be determined to identify a suitable position that aligns with your interests. Regardless of the decision you make, you will ultimately be responsible for making it. It is essential to determine your primary objectives.

Ultimately, perfection is unattainable. We must make choices. It is painful now, but it is essential to understand your objectives. What do you want to provide for your family?

What are your personal objectives?

Ultimately, however, I believe that regardless of the decision you make, it will be the most important one for you. The key is to persevere and maintain the one thing you feel is most important.

I am confident in your ability to make the right choice, and I hope you can do the same.

Hello, landlord!

You want to go to the big city to develop your career, but your mother is struggling to run the shop and take care of your younger sister. You feel guilty because going to the big city means you won't be able to help your mother in your hometown.

Your mother's hard work has a purpose: the family needs an income. Now that you've grown up, it's time for you to go out and work hard to earn money to support your mother's income. This is a great way to help your mother reduce her burden.

You must decide whether to get a job in your hometown or go to work in a big city. You believe that getting a job in your hometown will allow you to help your mother out during the holidays. But which of these two options is better?

It's a straightforward economic calculation. Let's start with a few assumptions:

Let's say you get a job in your hometown that pays 4,000 yuan a month. You can go home and help your mother for a day every week. Based on your salary, helping out for a day is worth 200 yuan. You can help out for four days a month, which is worth 800 yuan in total. In other words, you can create 5,000 yuan worth of value by developing your career in your hometown and helping out at home.

If you go to a first-tier city, you can find a good job that suits your abilities, and you'll earn more than you would in your hometown. For example, you could earn 8,000 yuan a month. You can then make a good comparison. The value created by developing in a big city is 3,000 yuan more than that in your hometown. Surely the extra 3,000 yuan can help your family more?

If you can, the choice is obvious.

If you are more capable, you will undoubtedly earn more money in a big city to support the family's financial expenses. If possible, you can even ask your mother to close her small shop and take care of your younger sister leisurely. Or you can hire someone to help take care of the small shop from time to time, as long as you have enough financial ability to support it.

You need to understand that if you stay, you'll be unable to contribute much, except for being there for your mother and taking care of your younger sister.

I want to be clear that I'm not saying you definitely won't be able to find a good high-paying job if you stay in your hometown. It depends on your abilities and the economic development of your hometown. But one thing is for sure: as a first-tier big city, it simply can't be beaten when it comes to job choice or demand for talent. That's why so many people, including you, are willing to go to big cities for development.

Some people say that family companionship is priceless, and they're right. But when you're running around all day trying to provide for your family, you're not in the mood for anything but calm and comfort. Your mother, like so many other mothers, is busy working all day to support her family. She can't afford to calm down, smile, and chat with you. She's more likely to cry in front of you about the hardships and difficulties of life.

You will bitterly feel that this kind of companionship is a load of rubbish.

Best of luck!

Dear questioner, you are a kind girl who wants to help your mother and seek self-development. This is the beginning of your change.

First, congratulations on getting a job in a first-tier city. You must be able to do it. Your parents are happy for you and will not let you give up this opportunity after all these years of hard work. What do you think?

You've been trapped in your family for years. Do you like being tied to your parents? Do you want to keep living like this?

You feel responsible for your family and don't want to leave your mother. Now that you have a good job, you're torn.

You already have the answer. You just need support.

If you stay home, your mom might have an easier time. But who will take care of you and where will your future be? It hasn't been easy for you to get this far.

I'm sure you want to go to a big city, grow, achieve your dreams, and follow your heart. Do you agree?

You need to love yourself and follow your heart. Think about this. You will face difficulties at work and in life. Take responsibility for yourself. Be your own person. When you are happy and content, your parents will be happy for you too.

Dad has a project to work on, and mom also has her own income. They are both self-reliant and contribute to the family. Because of you, your parents can work with peace of mind. They will also support you in working in some cities.

A phone call is also companionship. People have limited energy. Starting a new job will bring new problems. Who will help you solve them? When you sort yourself out, you are contributing to the family. If you work, the family's expenses will be smaller.

Dealing with your parents may involve facing conflicts that affect your work and life. Your parents have made their own choices and are responsible for them. They are capable of facing their own lives. Surrender to your parents' fate. You are just a child and cannot change your parents. Over the years, your parents have raised you and supported themselves. Kudos to them.

The burden of the family is also on the parents. If you can support yourself, you will have given the best gift to your family. Everyone must return to their original position, be true to themselves, and do their best. Parents have their own destiny, and we cannot replace them. The choices parents make are also their destiny, and they need to face it. There are some things that are beyond our control. Learn to surrender, don't be a savior, and be yourself.

Being good and loving yourself is the best way to honor your parents.

Hello, dear questioner!

I know how you feel! I used to have the same question, but now I'm at peace with my decision.

It would be a great idea for you to go to work in a first-tier city. While your parents are still young and can take care of themselves, you should focus on building up your own strength so that you can be there for them when they really need you in the future.

After going to work in the front line, I also often video chat with my family. Sometimes my mother doesn't really need your help; she just sometimes needs someone to talk to. Now transportation is also very convenient, so I often go back to see them during the holidays.

Sister, I know you love your sister and want the best for her. Talking to her more, understanding her needs, and taking her to see new things and people during the holidays will help her feel more confident when she makes choices in her life in the future. You have to help her so that she can make her own choices.

You can be the glue that helps your parents work through their differences. When there are things you can't say to them, you can send them a WeChat message, expressing your thoughts and understanding, and also hoping that they know what they want. There are things that parents may not say, but they understand in their hearts, and perhaps there will be fewer arguments between them.

We all hope that our family members will be happy, healthy, and well. But each person is an individual, and we can only help them within our abilities. We're all doing our best!

We can only live our own lives, and we can't live anyone else's. Wishing you all the best!

Hello! You asked if you should work abroad or stay and help your family locally.

I appreciate your awareness of your feelings and thoughts. Let's look at your question together.

You're 26, want to work in a big city after the New Year, but have doubts. Your family is not well-off. Your parents lost money in business and took out loans. Your father has no passion and provides no income. He neglects your younger sister (10) and has conflicts with your mother. You've fought with him twice. You went to college away from home (studied hard, used scholarship for expenses). Father was away. Home: mother ran store, main income. Also cared for younger sister and grandmother (passed away a few years ago). Now things are better: you're working, younger sister is older, father has new project expected to do well.

Your knot: You feel that your mother has worked too hard for the family. If you work locally, you can help your mother look after the shop and take care of your younger sister during your breaks. However, when you think about going to work in a foreign place, your mother is working hard and you are not sharing the burden. They fight again, and no one is there to keep your sister company. You feel guilty and think you are selfish.

You are a sensible, kind, brave, and responsible woman.

You feel responsible for your family. You are very understanding.

You can see how hard it is for your parents to support the family. You feel sorry for your mother and have always done your best to help. You are a sensible person. Give you a hug and send you a little warmth and love.

You are kind. Your younger sister is young and often has conflicts with her mother.

Your kindness lets you see your sister's side. You know she doesn't mean to hurt her family, but her family's lack of parenting has made her aggressive. You can see things from both sides.

You are kind and brave.

When your parents were fighting, you stood up to protect your mother. You were brave to fight your father to stop him from beating her.

There's a big power imbalance between you and your father. You're brave for confronting him. You're a kind, responsible woman.

Think about it. Are you sure you want to stay and work locally? Is it what you need, or what they need?

You are older than your younger sister. You may have helped your parents take care of her and shared chores. You may have been involved in many things at home. You have contributed and shouldered a lot for this family. You have also helped other family members. But has this not also cultivated your organizational and management skills, enhanced your sense of self-worth and sense of belonging, and made you feel your value and the importance of yourself to your family members and the family as a whole?

When you're ready, you can take care of your younger sister. This helps your parents, your sister, and you.

This is just a small thing at home, and everyone benefits from it. However, everyone can find their own way of living because life is powerful and full of wonder.

You may think your mother and sister will be upset if you go to work elsewhere. But is that true? Think about it. You're not sure whether to stay and work locally. Is it really about your needs or theirs?

Would you go to a new city for a job? Are you ready?

Everyone is responsible for their own lives.

As adults, we are responsible for our own lives. We must take responsibility for our choices.

You've left, and your mother is busy with her business, but she can cope. This is her life, and she ran the business while taking care of two children. You've grown up and are going to work, and your younger sister is older.

She should be able to manage now that you are both older. As for your younger sister, let her make her own choices.

We should take responsibility for our own lives. We can help others when they need it, but we shouldn't think too much about other people's lives.

Questioner, best wishes! Hope my answer helps!

I love you!

Hello, problem owner. I am confident that my answer will be of some help to you.

I am also a daughter, I have a younger brother, and my parents also quarrel and sometimes even fight. My mother once advised me to stay at home and not go away, but I have been living well and happily away from home for years. I can still give my mother the emotional and material support she needs to help her live a better life. My mother has gradually changed from her original lack of support for me to acceptance, and now even to blessings.

Based on my experience, I advise you to:

Everyone has their own issues. We don't need to take on other people's issues. We do, however, need to take full responsibility for our own lives.

To handle interpersonal relationships well, including our relationships with our parents and with other people, we must learn to separate our tasks. We must distinguish between our own tasks and those of others. We must take responsibility for our own life tasks and not impose other people's tasks on ourselves.

How do you tell the difference?

It's straightforward: the person who faces the direct consequences of an event is responsible for that event.

It's simple: if you're the one dealing with the consequences of something, it's your problem.

You must decide which responsibilities you will take on and which you will not. I believe that if mum and dad keep repeating the same arguments, it is their problem. After all these years, their patterns have still not changed, and they will not be able to resolve it just because we have been staying at home to help mum. This requires them to take the initiative to adjust and improve themselves. If they do not want to change, it is equally difficult for us to change them. And mum's hard work is her own problem. She chose it and must bear the consequences of her choice.

You have two options: go away or stay at home. You can choose to work and make yourself happy, but your mother may not be satisfied with you and nag you a lot. You can also choose to stay at home, but you will have to give up the opportunity to work away from home and continue with your current life. You can also choose to work away from home and communicate with your mother, support her remotely, and meet some of her needs.

You have the power to make the final decision. It's crucial to distinguish between your own issues and those of others. Take ownership of your challenges and don't burden yourself with someone else's problems. This simple shift can significantly improve your well-being.

2. With convenient transportation and communication nowadays, you can help solve the problems at home even if you are not at home.

I have first-hand experience of this. Despite not living close to my parents, I am still able to support them when they need it. For instance, when my parents have had another argument, my mother will call me and we will speak separately on the phone. I have found that this kind of communication at a distance is often more effective than being there in person because I can remain more neutral and not take sides.

From Dad's perspective, he has unmet needs. From Mom's perspective, she has unmet needs. This is why they resolve their conflicts through fighting.

Over the years, I have become a bridge to communicate their deeper needs for each other and a listening object that can give them more understanding. As a result, their conflicts have become much less frequent.

Every time there is a Chinese New Year, a holiday, or even their birthday, I send them money. When they need something in their lives, I buy them the things they need online, such as floor mats, anti-allergens, slippers, seasonal fruits, etc. As long as they need it, I buy it directly and send it back, or place an order online and send it back. My parents live in a house that is also under my name. They often speak highly of me in front of other people and rarely mention my shortcomings.

If there's an emergency at home, you can get there in half a day. There's always a way. If you're independent, you can take care of your parents.

This is just a reference. Best wishes!

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the description provided, it is evident that the questioner is uncertain about his future career path. He has expressed reservations about pursuing a career in a first-tier city, citing a desire to assist his mother with her small business and to care for his younger sister. This reluctance to leave his family and loved ones has left him uncertain about his future plans.

When considering the future, it is often the case that others are unable to provide a detailed answer. The task of navigating one's own life is a personal one, and it is not straightforward to make a choice between self-development and family. Indeed, it is a challenging decision to make.

It is important to recognize that many individuals lack a clear plan for their future career. This is often due to a lack of self-awareness, which prevents them from identifying their true interests and abilities. By finding a path that aligns with their strengths and aspirations, individuals can chart a course for continued growth and success.

The type of life an individual aspires to lead is often contingent upon their own decisions. Regardless of the path one chooses to pursue, it is essential to demonstrate resolve once a decision has been made. The ability to reflect on one's choices is crucial. When one reflects on their past decisions in the future, will they regret them? Is this the life they truly desire? What impression will others have of them?

As the question was posed on this particular platform, it is not feasible to provide a comprehensive response. Therefore, the following advice can be offered:

It is imperative to be honest.

The questioner must be forthcoming about their selection of an industry. Each individual's motivation for pursuing a career is unique. Some are driven by the financial rewards of their chosen profession, while others are driven by a desire to utilize their talents.

The motivations underlying one's career choice are inherently individualistic. It is therefore imperative to engage in a process of introspective self-examination to ascertain one's vocational aspirations and the underlying rationale for pursuing a particular career path.

What is the purpose of this particular job in relation to your overall career goals?

What are the potential benefits of this position?

What are your expectations regarding the potential gains from this position?

Please describe your level of competitiveness in this position.

What are the requisite qualifications for this position?

It is recommended that the reader make a list of their most cherished interests.

Additionally, the questioner may consider writing a list of their personal preferences, including the individuals and activities they enjoy, as well as their aspirations for the future. Selecting a career path is often driven by the desire for personal fulfillment and a better quality of life. If the questioner prioritizes their family, their focus may shift away from work, allowing them to dedicate more attention to their family.

Work is a fundamental aspect of human existence. Identifying the individuals and pursuits that elicit a profound sense of value can facilitate the concentration of one's efforts on their objectives and interests. In the event that the present proposition represents a singular opportunity, it is prudent to ascertain whether it is indeed a rare occurrence and to evaluate the likelihood of attaining a comparable opportunity in the future should this one be relinquished.

The questioner must consider carefully whether they are truly willing to make significant personal sacrifices for the benefit of their family.

In the event that an individual discovers a position that piques their interest, it is imperative that they contemplate the extent to which they can advance within this chosen field and the strategies they can employ to achieve this. It is essential that they devise a personalised plan and pursue continuous self-development, as otherwise they may encounter significant challenges and find it difficult to progress in this profession. Frequently, when individuals lack clarity regarding their professional aspirations, they may experience distress and uncertainty about their future.

There is no obligation to assume the responsibilities typically associated with parenting.

The questioner is not required to bear the financial burden on a continuous basis. During his childhood, he was solely responsible for assisting his mother in managing her negative emotions. The current level of intimacy between the two individuals is the result of their joint efforts and cannot be attributed to a single individual.

It is crucial for the questioner to recognize that, regardless of the proximity of the parents, he or she is not responsible for them. Furthermore, he or she is not obliged to assume the responsibilities associated with starting a family, such as educating the younger sister and providing her with a conducive educational environment.

It is not being suggested that the questioner should completely ignore their family; rather, they should endeavour to do their best without shouldering responsibilities that are not theirs to bear or sacrificing opportunities that they have worked hard for to help their parents. This would not be fair to the questioner.

Furthermore, it is important to ascertain which stage of life one is currently in.

As the adage states, "At twenty, one is young; at thirty, one is established." The questioner is currently 26 years of age and has already assumed a position at work. He is still in the stage of self-exploration, thus he can set aside some time for himself to explore what is suitable for him.

We assume and perform a variety of roles on a daily basis, or categorize ourselves based on our observed behaviors. Therefore, it is essential to ascertain the knowledge the questioner possesses about himself and the role he plays in society.

Our roles may include "daughter," "sister," "worker," "programmer," and so forth. Please list your identity labels on a piece of paper.

Please reflect on which roles are the most enduring and which are the most important to you.

It would be beneficial to consider the roles one aspires to play in the future.

Some roles may be played throughout one's lifetime, such as "daughter" or "technician." These are the nouns that can be used to describe an individual upon their demise.

It would be beneficial to consider which roles the questioner feels significant pressure from, which have a detrimental impact on their life, and whether there is potential for the questioner to adopt a more objective perspective in the future.

The questioner can assist in the completion of this list by considering the objectives they wish to achieve. Should the questioner believe that a specific field of work is both enjoyable and offers a suitable income, they can also investigate whether similar roles are available.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the type of work that the questioner finds appealing and the potential benefits that may be derived from pursuing such a career. If the occupation is one that the questioner is enthusiastic about and possesses the necessary motivation, it would be advantageous for them to document their thoughts on this matter.

It is important to consider what kind of life you aspire to lead.

It is important to consider the type of life you aspire to lead, or the reasons behind your decision to pursue a particular career path. Formulating a comprehensive life plan requires clarity regarding your primary objective at this juncture.

The questioner may consider the nature of their prospective employment in a major urban center. If the questioner believes that this industry is a suitable one for them, what might their future be like? What are the reasons for the questioner's decision to pursue employment in a major urban center?

One method for conceptualizing these reasons is to imagine one's own funeral. This approach may initially seem macabre, but it is, in fact, an effective tool for reflection. Who would be in attendance at the funeral of the individual in question?

One might inquire as to what others would say about the subject in question. It is possible that the individual in question would prefer to be remembered as a dutiful daughter and sister, admired by those around them.

Alternatively, they may wish to hear about other aspects of the questioner.

When confronted with a decision, the questioner is advised to adhere to their intrinsic values and pursue the course of action that is most beneficial for them. Alternatively, they may choose to engage in a process of deliberation to ascertain the type of life they aspire to lead.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question.