Envy and jealousy control and transformation, how do you control jealousy?

Hello. From your description, it seems that you are open to viewing others in a positive light. For instance, you recognize the boss's loyalty, despite his unfair bias towards his fellow villagers, and you also appreciate the girl's straightforward approach of "as long as I'm happy."

However, you still maintain a relatively strict standard for yourself, which leads to feelings of dissatisfaction when you compare yourself to others.

It is possible that your envy and jealousy are not so much about her family background and upbringing as they are about her self-acceptance and emotional freedom. You feel that you are envious of her material circumstances because you believe that her background has given her such freedom. You have stated that you are happy with your own situation, which means that you are generally satisfied with your current life. However, in comparison to her, some of your unmet needs will stand out.

For example, being loved and in a state of freedom where one is content with one's situation.

While past experiences cannot be changed, and the origins of an individual cannot be chosen, there is the possibility of receiving love, achieving emotional freedom, and having needs met. These are all areas that are worth exploring and trying.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to assess whether you have a tendency to engage in excessive "should" thinking. This could manifest as a belief that you should be content, that you should not be jealous of others, or that you should always be able to control your emotions. While "should" thinking can have a constructive role in promoting reflection and progress, it can also become a hindrance, leading to excessive self-criticism and internal conflict.

If you recognize the limitations imposed by rigid thinking, you can attempt to adopt a more flexible approach. It is not necessary to focus exclusively on your own perspective, as that girl did (which often leads to complications in other areas). Instead, you can embrace your humanity and acknowledge the role of emotions in your decision-making, recognizing that you will occasionally lose control.

It is not uncommon to experience feelings of jealousy or to perceive situations as unfair. It is acceptable to express these emotions, discuss them with others, or even make suggestions. It is important to avoid self-criticism and strive to be tolerant.

Then direct your attention to the people and things that bring you joy, and acknowledge your own capabilities. Strive not for the approval of others, but to develop your own life and reap the benefits of your efforts.

The questioner is absolutely right. It's a psychological state that many people share, especially when it happens in a familiar environment. The other person may not have acquired it through their own efforts as you think. It's so easy to become psychologically unbalanced, either wishing that the other person would lose it or wishing that you had it too. Then there's the so-called envy, jealousy, and even hatred. First of all, accept that having this psychological state is the same as many other people. In addition, we should sort out some logic:

1. It's true that things rarely come from nothing in this world. It's just that many people don't know the story behind it. I can see how your colleague might think they're being treated specially because the boss is a friend of the colleague's boss and the boss values loyalty.

The boss has so many friends and even some relatives, but it's a bit surprising that she's the only one showing up at the office today. I'm sure she has a good reason, but the other employees have no way of knowing.

Let me put it another way. Other employees contribute to the company through hard work. She contributes in other ways, too. She doesn't just work like an ordinary employee.

2. Well, I'd still love to have the resources she has behind her. The previous generation plants the tree, and the next generation enjoys the shade. She is the one you see who can enjoy the shade, but someone must plant the tree. So the logic behind envy is the hope that you can get something for nothing. If the person who planted the tree behind her also thought that way at the time, and if everyone thought that way, then everyone would be lying down.

3. Everything is connected and always changing. As the saying goes, thirty years of prosperity can be followed by thirty years of hardship. If you're lucky enough to enjoy the shade under a tree, you might not want to plant one, and your ability to do so may change. If you want to plant a tree for shade in the future, you'll work hard to do so, and one day the situation may change.

It's amazing to think that you can go back 500 years and your family's ancestors also had a lot of trees! It takes ten years to grow trees, but a hundred years to grow people. The trees in her family may have been planted with the efforts of several generations, and the trees in your family may also require the efforts of several generations. You may be one of the generations in the process, which is better than not enough than the next.

4. Everyone's experiences are their own wealth, and it depends on how they interpret and explore them. As the saying goes, "A missed horse means a blessing in disguise."

We all know that good times and bad times can both make or break a person. It may seem like a truism, but these are facts that everyone knows but most easily overlook.

5. You're not a fish, so how can you possibly know how happy a fish is? It's not that you can't imagine what happiness might feel like for her, it's just that you can see that she has what you don't have. So, if you had what she had, you think you would be happy.

First, what she has may not be what she really desires in her heart. And second, just because you have it one day, it doesn't mean you'll automatically become happy. If you think about it carefully, you'll find that happiness is often gained in the process of striving. And that kind of happiness will last longer, but it also has an expiration date.

In summary, it's okay to have feelings of envy or jealousy. It's also okay to accept your original family situation and be grateful that your original environment has helped you grow and develop many of your abilities. Look at things from a logical perspective. Your state of mind comes from your own perception and views of things, which are actually unrelated to external objects, although they may be difficult to understand for the time being. Remember, everyone is an independent individual, and we can't know whether other people are truly happy inside. But you can be happy that your hard work has planted trees and provided nutrients for your family!

If you have some free time, why not think about what true happiness is?

Thank you for your question. It is a good one.

Could I ask you to consider whether you might be feeling envious of this colleague, rather than jealous? Perhaps we could look at the difference between jealousy-control-and-transformation-how-do-you-control-jealousy-24739.html" target="_blank">envy and jealousy together, and then see how we might adjust our mindset.

[Envy and jealousy]

It can be challenging to distinguish between envy and jealousy. Both stem from a sense of longing for something another person possesses that we don't. However, there are subtle differences.

1. The core of envy is a longing and yearning for something that isn't currently within reach. It's not about trying to close the gap through "self-improvement." I admire what he has, but I know it's challenging to achieve. This comparison is also an external manifestation of our subconscious "low sense of value."

2. The core of jealousy is intense hostility, an aggression that seeks to destroy what you cannot have for yourself. The underlying perception is: "I am the same as him, so I wonder if there's a way I can create a better life for myself."

It could be said that the biggest difference between the two is the difference in motivation. One is the motivation to change, which acts on oneself, and the other is the motivation to destroy, which acts on others.

[How to adjust your mindset]

1⃣️You understand jealousy: "I wonder if there's something else at play here. Why can she work three to five hours a day, while I have to work ten to twelve hours a day, in the same company, for the same salary, doing the same job? Is it just because of the difference in birth?"

In this case, there seems to be a sense of unfairness and resentment towards the boss of the company. It's possible that there might be underlying factors or unspoken circumstances that could be influencing this feeling. It's understandable that every boss is "shrewd" and may not be "emotionally attached and tolerant" for no reason.

2⃣️ You dislike feelings of jealousy. You may find yourself thinking, "Every time this thought pops up, I don't like myself very much, I even kind of hate myself."

It seems that, because you understand "anger at unfair treatment as jealousy," you direct your attacks at yourself. This could also show that your motivation is to act on yourself, and it could be a sense of frustration and powerlessness at the unchangeable reality gap.

You admire her childhood and personality, but recognize that these were shaped by circumstances beyond your control. You also recognize the value in pursuing your own happiness. "Origin" is a complex aspect of life, and it's important to acknowledge that whatever protects you in life may also present limitations.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that there may be restrictions, controls, and constraints at play here.

Perhaps what you have earned on your own is the most secure, and it might be helpful to focus on the bright spots on you.

I hope this is helpful for you.

I am your neighbor, Potato Maling, who has had the privilege of growing up alongside you. I am grateful for your attention.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I would like to take a moment of your time to discuss a few things. Firstly, I would like to address the issue of your colleague. I understand that you have mixed feelings about her. It is natural to have different emotions towards a colleague, but I believe it is important to distinguish between these feelings and understand them better. Secondly, I would like to discuss your feelings about your childhood. It is normal to have different feelings about your childhood, but it is important to understand them and work through them. I am here to support you in this process. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you have any questions or concerns. Best regards,

Projection and reality

It may be more appropriate to refer to this special female colleague in the company as a "girl." She represents more of a little princess who is pampered and loved and immersed in happiness, which is what you long for inside, rather than a female colleague like you who is developing herself in the workplace.

In reality, this female colleague is a friend of the boss, and because of this relationship, she chooses to be a symbolic presence in the company, collecting a salary without truly devoting herself to her work. From a purely career development perspective, however, the conclusion might be quite different.

There are multiple inner feelings involved.

You have mixed feelings about this female colleague. It seems that you have several conflicting feelings, and you are confused.

Our inner being is inherently multifaceted. Being aware of and distinguishing between different levels will provide greater clarity and facilitate more effective decision-making, avoiding being influenced by the different levels within us and allowing for more objective choices.

The level of envy experienced is that of one's childhood self or inner child.

You envy your female colleague, who was born with a privileged background and a supportive family. Unlike you, she faced significant challenges during her upbringing.

You appreciate her personality and the confidence she exudes, particularly her ability to prioritize her own happiness above all else.

This aspect of the anger reflects an inner longing from childhood. It represents a desire for love and care, as well as a less challenging and more comfortable life at home. It is akin to the mindset of an infant, who believes that happiness is exclusive to them.

For a young child, it is essential for the world to revolve around them to gain a sense of control and security.

From infancy to childhood, this part of you has never been satisfied, and this desire has remained in your heart. It is an unfulfilled obsession that will be difficult to let go of for a long time.

It appears that only when this is achieved can one consider life to be complete.

However, this desire is akin to that of a baby. Infants cannot survive without sustenance, and this longing is understandable and genuine.

As adults, we may still have this desire, but it is no longer aligned with reality. We have the capacity to create and fulfill our needs.

The Jealousy Dimension – Childhood Aggression

When you are envious of this female colleague, why is she able to receive such treatment because she was born differently? This is a form of anger. Anger at the other person's "goodness and happiness" activates our inner feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness.

Without the other person, we are less inclined to feel miserable. Everyone is the same, and it is easier to accept misery. This also means that narcissism is not damaged.

This is also related to the way of thinking in childhood. When encountering difficulties, being blamed, or being attacked by parents, children tend to internalize the blame and perceive themselves as bad. In fact, it is not the child's fault that the parents are unable to protect them; it is just that the parents are not capable of love.

However, at the core of a child's psyche is an inherent sense of inadequacy and a belief that they are undeserving.

The childhood experiences and preferential treatment received by your female colleague likely triggered a sense of inadequacy within you. You may have projected this feeling onto your colleague, perceiving her good fortune as a cause of your misfortune, leading to feelings of aggression and jealousy.

It is important to recognize that your inner feelings of inadequacy and misfortune are simply reflections of your own self-perception. The other person serves as a catalyst, triggering a response within you.

The realistic aspect of yourself that you find undesirable is the aspect of yourself that is prone to jealousy.

You are not pleased with your feelings of jealousy. This is a more realistic and mature perspective.

At this level, you are aware that birth is not a choice. Your objective is to let go of envy and jealousy, focus on the resources you have, and develop your own life.

This level is the present you, aware of the reality of the world and eager to capitalise on the opportunities presented by that reality.

However, at this level, there is a tendency to envy and resent one's inner self, and a desire to exert control over it. The adult equivalent of the individual may harbor negative feelings towards the child within and may also deny the traumas of the past.

Each aspect of the individual is a distinct self, comprising different personas at different times. There is no need to reject or deny any of these aspects. Similarly, there is no need to deny the wounds, deep longings, or anger and disappointment that the individual may experience.

When these aspects resurface at certain moments, it is important to provide yourself with understanding and compassion. It is essential to acknowledge that these aspects still exist within you and to recognize that they originate from the inner child. The adult self can embrace and nurture these aspects.

Gradually, the various elements of your identity will become harmoniously integrated. You will experience greater emotional ease and authenticity, a genuine letting go of the past, and a welcoming embrace of your new life with enthusiasm and commitment.

I hope this information is helpful. I'm therapist Xu Yanlian, and I'm available for further discussion.

Best regards,

Hello, I understand your jealousy. I was once jealous of my cousin's wife. I felt she wasn't worthy to marry my cousin's family. My family's family conditions were also very good. I didn't meet a suitable marriage partner. I understand how painful jealousy is.

We envy others because we want what they have.

You envy your boss for being nice to an employee and tolerant. You hope your boss will notice your hard work and give you more care and encouragement. You envy her for being born into a wealthy family and having an older brother. You hope you can also have a well-off family that will spoil you.

It's normal to feel jealous. Accept it and don't fight against it.

?②Focus on yourself. Your relationship with yourself is your relationship with the world. There is no one else out there, just you.

?③Turn jealousy into motivation. If you're envious of your boss, you can gain their favor and get a promotion by improving your work. Once you've reached a certain level, you can choose to leave for a better position.

Envy her for being spoiled by her family's good fortune. You can't change your childhood, but you can earn more money and buy things you like. Pamper yourself and become a princess.

? Distract yourself. Don't dwell on jealousy. It's bad for your health. Learn to love yourself, pay attention to yourself, and do things you enjoy. Don't compare yourself to others.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker! I'm June Lai Feng, and I'm here to help.

It's totally normal to feel this way! We all feel envious or jealous sometimes when we compare our own life situation with that of others.

It's totally normal to feel this way when you see that others have what you desire but don't have, like an advantageous family background or easy working conditions.

It's totally normal to feel envious or jealous sometimes, especially when we compare our own lives to others. It can come from a place of wanting things to be fair and feeling like our situation could be better.

It's so important to remember that everyone's life experiences are totally unique. And there are so many factors, including family background and socioeconomic status, that we just don't have control over.

It's totally normal, from a psychological point of view.

It's totally normal to compare ourselves to others. When we see that others have advantages that we don't have, it's only natural to feel envious or even jealous. This is part of human nature. Her privileged upbringing and relaxed work situation have triggered a sense of imbalance within you.

It's totally normal to feel jealous sometimes. We all do! It often comes from comparing ourselves to others. When we do that, we might focus on what they have or what makes them happy, while forgetting about our own good things and happiness.

This kind of comparison can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and jealousy-and-resentment-13431.html" target="_blank">envy. But, you know what? Everyone has a different life path and experience, and everyone faces their own challenges and difficulties. So, try to view others and yourself more objectively.

There are a few simple ways you can improve this mentality:

It's so important to be aware of your emotions and feelings, and to recognize when you're feeling down on yourself. It's a great first step to take a moment to reflect on your feelings and why you're feeling this way.

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes. Try to understand why you feel this way, whether it is because of certain unmet needs or expectations.

Next, try to accept your feelings instead of criticizing yourself. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, as well as different paths to growth.

It's so important to remember that your value doesn't depend on things like wealth, family background, or how many hours you work. What matters most is your growth, your progress, and your personal qualities. Learn to appreciate all the amazing things you've done and all the effort you've put in. You're doing great!

Take a moment to discover and appreciate the good and the strengths in your own life. We all have our own unique qualities and things to be proud of!

It's so important to focus on your own strengths and achievements! It'll boost your self-confidence and make you feel really good about yourself. And if you build up a healthy self-respect, you'll find it's much easier to reduce your envy of others and focus more on your own well-being and development.

It's also a great idea to learn to be grateful and focus on the positive aspects of your life. It can really change your perspective! Try to take some time every day to think about what you have and be grateful for these things.

This can help you to shift your attention from jealousy to the positive experiences in your own life. At the same time, try to focus on the strengths and achievements of others and treat them with appreciation, rather than envy.

Then, pay attention to your way of thinking. When those jealous thoughts pop up, try to challenge and change them. Ask yourself if these thoughts are true and reasonable, and if there are other explanations or perspectives.

It can be really helpful to try to replace those jealous thoughts with more positive and rational thinking. For example, you could think about how you can improve your life through your own efforts and actions.

Then, focus on your own goals and happiness! Concentrate on your own goals and pursuits, rather than comparing yourself to others. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and comparing yourself to someone who is less than you may lead to arrogance, while comparing yourself to someone who is too good may lead to inferiority complexes and jealousy.

It can be really helpful to choose to compare yourself with people who are similar to you or who come from similar backgrounds. This can help you to assess your situation more objectively.

Set some clear goals for yourself and create a plan to achieve them. Focusing on your own growth and progress and pursuing what you really want can help you feel less jealous of others and more content and happy.

Also, try to put yourself in other people's shoes and see things from their perspective. Empathy is a wonderful thing! It can help you build deeper relationships with others and reduce feelings of envy.

It's so important to remember that just because someone else is happy, it doesn't mean you're unhappy. Everyone's journey in life is different, and that's a beautiful thing!

And remember, jealousy is a natural emotion, but we can control it through self-awareness and positive action. You've got this! Working to cultivate a healthy mindset, focusing on your own happiness, and building relationships with others in a positive way will help you cope better with jealousy and lead a more fulfilling and happier life.

I love you, world! Have a great day!

Hello, questioner. I'm Yu, and I'll try to answer your question from three different angles.

First, let's talk about comparison. We all have different levels of an inferiority complex because we all want to be better and live better lives. But comparing yourself to others is a big part of life. Comparisons affect how people see themselves, how they feel, and what they expect for the future.

Basically, the person being compared feels like they've been treated unfairly, so every time you look at them, it seems like you are looking at your own failure. The more similar the person being compared is to you, the stronger the sense of comparison you experience.

It's because similar situations make us feel like we're on the same starting line, right? So why is she better than us? As the questioner wrote, why is it that for the same company, the same salary, and the same work, it's just because of different backgrounds?

Comparing yourself to others can boost your confidence, but comparing yourself to the top of the ladder can also drag your motivation down. When you feel like you're not measuring up, it can lead to a negative self-image and some pretty irrational thinking. This can then lead to some pretty irrational behavior.

As the questioner wrote, every time I have such thoughts, I don't like myself very much, and I even kind of hate myself. This may be caused by some of the reasons why we underestimate ourselves.

Adler's topic of separation is all about recognizing that you are you, he is he, and others are living their lives. You don't have to follow in their footsteps.

Let's talk about emotions again. Emotions are made up of unique experiences, external signs, and physical responses. Each emotion might be the result of an unmet internal desire. When we miss out on a promotion or a pay raise, we feel sad. When we lose a cherished item after years of keeping it, we feel angry.

We can ask ourselves, what is it that I need on the inside when I envy her? What is it that I need on the inside when I am jealous of her?

We can also ask ourselves, when I have thoughts of envy and jealousy, what emotions and feelings do they bring me? When I don't like myself and hate myself, which version of myself is the real me?

We can also ask ourselves, what would the ideal self look like? What do I really need inside? What can I do about it?

It's always good to be aware of our emotions and to try to record what we're feeling at the moment. Your writing is just for yourself, so feel free to write about your feelings honestly. This will help us understand the causes and effects of emotions, as well as clarify our needs and what we want. We'll be able to distinguish between what we want and what we need.

What do others want me to want? When you know what you want, you can say no to things you don't need. This helps you find the truth.

As Winnicott said, healing happens when a person's true self begins to emerge. So it's important to get to know ourselves and face our true selves.

Finally, love yourself. The original poster is aware of their emotions in a timely manner and has very clear values. Then let's start by caring for ourselves, taking care of our bodies and our feelings.

It's okay to seek help because this thing is bothering you. It's not easy to overcome it immediately. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel it is necessary, you can also find a counselor. Emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

We also need to empower ourselves. As the questioner said, no one chooses where they are born. I also have a comfortable environment and people who love and care for me. Then we are allowed to feel envy and jealousy occasionally. These are all experiences in life, and they are all wonderful. Strengthen your inner self, be clear about what you want, and keep moving forward. Best of luck!

Good day, I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. If most people were to observe a colleague like this, who has such favorable circumstances, a wealthy family, extensive interpersonal relationships, and loving relatives and family,

I believe that, in such an environment, it is only natural to feel a sense of ease and contentment. It is understandable that, subconsciously, we all aspire to a similar level of comfort and happiness. Consequently, it is not uncommon to experience feelings of envy and jealousy towards those who appear to have attained this kind of good life.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider some issues if you don't envy her.

Could I perhaps be jealous of her? Could I be envious of her?

It is natural to feel envy and jealousy when we perceive a situation in our lives that could be improved. For instance, in a busy situation, someone in the company may have the opportunity to walk around leisurely without having to rush to meet a deadline.

Her connections allow her to have a good relationship with her boss, who is also a fellow villager. She doesn't have to worry about these things. She's not aware of the details and doesn't need to worry about punching in late. She can simply speak up and everything will be fine. If we had a similar relationship in place,

I believe we would all agree that we would be very comfortable in such circumstances. For the time being, this kind of envy and jealousy is actually still within manageable limits. It has not reached the point where someone else is very good and I am very bad, nor has it reached the kind of mentality where I want to take revenge on others repeatedly out of jealousy.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to control ourselves and understand what is really going on. It seems that you are excellent in every aspect, because in such a beautiful environment, you have fostered such a straightforward personality, so that your connections are not particularly extreme.

The other person's behavior is not as extreme as it may initially seem. Some people are rich but not benevolent, and she may come across as arrogant or domineering because of her own circumstances. This can lead to a certain level of resentment being directed towards her. Similarly, her actions may not always be perceived as entirely benevolent. However, it's important to remember that everyone has their own unique set of circumstances and perspectives.

It would seem that the person you are talking about has not yet reached that kind of extreme, and she seems to be able to get along with others. While most people would probably think that this colleague has gone too far, she basically is still straightforward and does not have any extreme bad qualities. The other person grew up with the life of a princess.

It's possible that you may be viewed as envious by others. It's understandable that your family background differs from theirs. However, it's important to recognize that just because someone else seems to have a different set of circumstances, it doesn't necessarily mean that their achievements or happiness reflects your own unhappiness. Everyone has their own unique set of circumstances and sources of happiness.

It's important to remember that you don't need to become someone else to be happy. You can only be yourself, and that's the most important thing. Even when you want to become someone else, it's not always the best approach. It can feel like you're trying to be someone you're not, which might not be the most authentic way to live your life. It's good to take time to protect the real self.

If you don't have the opportunity to fight for your share of the good things, this path might be a good fit for you. Even if your family background is not as privileged as others, it's still important to make the most of today. Live in the present.

Perhaps you could try transforming your feelings of jealousy into motivation to improve yourself. You might even learn something from that colleague that you can apply to your own life, which could help you to feel happier and more fulfilled. It might also be helpful to talk through these feelings with a trusted friend. Best of luck!

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Good day, question asker. I perceive your distress and unease at this moment.

In a fast-paced work environment, it can be challenging to observe individuals seemingly enjoying life with apparent ease while one's own efforts are met with greater demands. However, it is important to recognize that this emotional response is a common and natural phenomenon. It is neither constructive nor beneficial to internalize blame or negative self-talk in response to these feelings.

Each individual's life trajectory and growth experience is distinct, and the circumstances of each person's beginning are unique. While some may be born into superior conditions, this does not preclude the presence of personal concerns and challenges.

Similarly, each individual possesses a distinct set of values and sources of happiness.

Let us now consider this colleague from a different perspective. She hails from a wealthy family and has been indulged by her family, which constitutes a portion of her good fortune in life.

Conversely, she may have forfeited certain opportunities and challenges inherent to navigating life independently. You, on the other hand, possess your own distinctive advantages and specialties, despite not sharing the same circumstances.

It is evident that the individual in question has attained their current position and standing through their own efforts and perseverance. It is therefore reasonable to conclude that they should feel a sense of pride in their achievements.

Subsequently, I will present specific and effective advice to assist in the management of jealousy.

1. Adjust your mindset and cultivate a grateful heart: It is recommended that you record three instances of gratitude each day, whether related to family, friends, or professional achievements. This practice can enhance your awareness of positive experiences and mitigate the influence of negative emotions.

2. Prioritize self-growth: Direct your attention toward your own growth and advancement. Develop a personal development plan and define your objectives and aspirations.

By continually engaging in self-directed learning and personal growth, individuals can enhance their attractiveness, leading to greater inner contentment and happiness.

3. Cultivate positive relationships: It is beneficial to maintain contact with individuals who can provide positive reinforcement and share in each other's achievements and positive emotions. It is advisable to limit contact with individuals who are prone to expressing negative emotions and attitudes, as this may have a detrimental impact on one's own emotional state.

4. Cultivate leisure activities: In addition to one's professional pursuits, it is beneficial to engage in activities or hobbies that align with one's personal interests. These pastimes can provide opportunities for enjoyment and relaxation during one's free time, and they can also facilitate the formation of connections with individuals who share similar interests.

5. Learn to share and cooperate: In a professional setting, it is important to share one's knowledge and experience with colleagues and to collaborate with them to complete tasks. This not only improves work efficiency but also enhances teamwork and a sense of collective honor.

6. Confront Jealousy Head-On: When feelings of jealousy arise, it is important not to avoid or deny them. Instead, it is beneficial to analyze the underlying reasons for these feelings and identify potential solutions to address the issue.

Additionally, it is advisable to learn to express one's emotions in a constructive manner, such as by confiding in trusted friends or family members.

In conclusion, it is important to note that the process of controlling jealousy requires time and patience. It is crucial not to rush the results or to be excessively critical of oneself.

Provided that one engages in these activities with sincerity and an appreciation for the positive aspects of life, one can gradually overcome the challenges associated with jealousy and chart a course towards a fulfilling and successful life.

It is my conviction that you are a sagacious and intrepid individual who will be able to surmount this challenge and lead a fulfilling existence.

I hope my answer helps you.

It's normal to feel jealous. It's a common human emotion with a purpose in evolution. Don't suppress your jealousy. Use it to identify your needs and desires. You'll see that jealousy is a valuable emotional tool.

I advise you to:

1. You can and should explore the root of your jealousy, which is likely related to your early experiences. This will give you a deep understanding of yourself.

I used to feel intense jealousy, especially when my husband was close to another woman or expressed approval of someone else. I felt insecure and subconsciously feared he no longer liked me. However, our relationship was strong, and he often praised me in front of others. I simply couldn't tolerate hearing him praise another woman.

I kept looking for the reason until I explored my early experiences and then I understood what was going on. Before I was one and a half years old, the person who held me the most was my uncle. I had seen him as an important object for me, and I was right. Later, when I was about one and a half years old, my cousin was born, so naturally he stopped holding me and always held his daughter instead. My mother said I also cried at that time and wanted my uncle to hold me, but he couldn't do it all the time. I had also grown up, so he almost never held me again.

This is the root of my jealousy in relationships. I am always afraid of not being "liked" and being abandoned. At the age of one and a half, which also happens to be the Oedipus period, I lost in the competition, so subconsciously I will be jealous of my cousin. Interestingly, most of the women I later became jealous of were also people who made themselves better through relationships, just like my cousin, who became closer to my uncle through her relationship with him and took away the love that should have belonged to me alone. When I saw this layer, I really felt enlightened and gained a deeper understanding of myself. The magic is that my jealousy towards them gradually faded.

2. Accept that you have jealous emotions. Use them to explore your needs and desires and drive your growth and improvement.

Jealousy is an emotion with a function. It helps us see our inner growth needs and desires.

If you pay attention, you will notice that you are jealous of people with similar qualities. For example, people who work fewer hours but earn enough money; people who can live freely without caring too much about what others say; people who have a comfortable environment and people who spoil them.

From your description, it's clear these are your needs and desires. Jealousy helps you see your own needs and desires. Meet your needs and achieve these desires and states, and you'll be very satisfied. You won't envy or be jealous of her.

I was jealous of my cousin, who had taken away my love and gained my uncle's approval. I wanted love and approval, which were missing from my life. When I learned to love myself and approve of myself, I made up for this part of my psychological growth. I also felt my father's love for me (even though it wasn't expressed, but he loved me), as well as my husband's love for me. I let myself be happy and live the life I want. I also stopped being jealous of her because I have what she has.

You may find the above information useful. Best wishes.

I understand your feelings. You are a positive and energetic person. Having a well-treated, well-off colleague has posed a challenge to you. It is normal to feel these negative emotions. Don't blame yourself for your emotions.

Nobody's perfect. We all feel negative emotions to varying degrees. We all want to be better and become perfect, and we compare ourselves with others. Comparison affects how we see ourselves, how we feel, and what we expect for the future. We feel like we're being treated unfairly and doubt our positive efforts.

You feel like you're failing every time you look at her. Why is she better than you? You can't help but be angry with yourself. You don't have her family's strength, so you feel inferior and envious.

Comparing yourself to others makes you feel bad about yourself. This makes you think and act in ways you don't like. It's hard to be positive all the time. When you have negative thoughts, you feel bad about yourself. This is caused by two conflicting emotions.

When you have thoughts of envy and jealousy, ask yourself, "Am I really that bad? Is there nothing else that others admire?"

Is there anything happy about it?

Ask yourself what your ideal self is like, how you want to live, and what you really need. Compare the present to what you've lost.

Everyone's life is different. It's not perfect, with some good and some bad.

We can be aware of our emotions and record what we feel. Knowing what you want will help you know what I want.

What others think affects you. Know your needs and what you want. When you know yourself, you can heal.

You know your emotions and have strong values. Your life will be good. Pay less attention to others, love yourself, take care of your feelings, and be comfortable. These are life experiences that lead to happiness.

You have a comfortable environment and people who spoil you, which is also happiness. Strengthen your inner self, don't let others influence you too much, and you will be very happy. You are also very good just the way you are.

Hi there, question asker. Thanks for your question and for being willing to share your experiences and feelings.

I get it. You're probably feeling a whole range of complex emotions, including envy, jealousy, and maybe even a sense of loss and frustration. These are totally normal, and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself.

Comparisons and disappointments are part of life, but it's how we handle them that matters.

First of all, I want to give you a big hug because we all have moments when it seems like fate is particularly kind to some people. But remember, everyone's life is unique, and we shouldn't judge other people's lives just by looking at the surface.

Regarding the colleague you mentioned, she seems to have everything you desire: a privileged family background, a relaxed work environment, etc. But you might not realize that she's facing other challenges and pressures.

Everyone has their own set of challenges and problems, but we often only see the positive side of others.

Take another look at your emotions. Envy and jealousy are actually a way our hearts protect us, letting us know we want something or that we feel inferior to others.

But when we're too envious or jealous, it can affect our lives and work.

So, how can we manage these emotions?

It's okay to feel envy and jealousy. They're normal emotions. The first step is to accept them. Then, try to understand why you're feeling this way.

Jealousy often comes from a deep-seated sense of inferiority and uncertainty about your self-worth. If you think about it, you'll realize that you have value and abilities. When you understand this, you'll feel more confident and less jealous.

It's important to recognize your own strengths. We all have our own unique qualities. When you feel jealous, try listing 10 of your own strengths. This will help you regain your self-confidence and sense of worth.

If there's something you really want, go for it! Set clear, achievable goals and work towards achieving them in small steps.

This will help you focus on yourself, which should reduce your feelings of jealousy.

It can also help to talk things over with someone you trust, like a friend or family member. Sometimes, just talking things through can be a good way to move on.

They might be able to offer you some different perspectives and suggestions to help you deal with these emotions better.

Mindfulness is a great way to cultivate focus and reduce feelings of envy. Try meditation or deep breathing exercises to help you focus on the present and worry less about the past or future.

Instead of focusing on comparisons, focus on your own growth and progress. When you see your own progress, you'll feel satisfied and proud, which will help reduce your jealousy of others.

If you think about it more deeply, jealousy might come from a sense of deficiency deep within us or uncertainty about our self-worth. It could be a reminder to focus on what we really want and how to achieve it.

I also want to say that everyone's life is different, and we can't judge happiness by comparing ourselves to others. Maybe that colleague is wealthier than you, but you might have something she doesn't have in terms of spirituality, relationships, or personal growth.

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and that's what makes life so diverse.

And last but not least, remember that you're not alone. We all experience a wide range of emotions and challenges, but it's these experiences that shape our unique lives.

So, make the most of every experience you have, whether it's a positive or negative one. They're all valuable assets on your journey through life.

I hope these analyses and suggestions bring you some comfort and enlightenment. Remember, you are unique and deserve all the good things in life.

If you're willing to put in the work, you can achieve your dreams and goals. Let's do this!

Wishing you the best, and hoping my answer is helpful to you. The world and I love you.

Hello. I have read your description carefully. Envy and jealousy are normal emotions that everyone has to a greater or lesser extent. We can make ourselves less jealous by first understanding why the emotion arises.

Jealousy is a natural emotion that arises as early as infancy. It is an emotion that the weak among us automatically release when facing the strong. Everyone has this emotion to a greater or lesser extent. Some people's jealousy leads them to commit destructive acts, while others transform jealousy into positive energy and envy. The more deprived people are in their early years, the more jealousy they will have.

Everyone needs self-esteem. Our self-esteem and self-reliance are often established through the recognition and appreciation of our caregivers. If we were ignored, suppressed, or blamed by our parents when we were young, we will believe deep down that we are bad. This will prevent us from establishing a good self-esteem. As a result, the more inferiority we feel, the more uneasy we will feel about the outside world. The more uneasy we feel, the more eager we will be to get what others have but we don't have, thus giving rise to jealousy. In fact, jealousy is the psychological effect of inferiority and insecurity.

They compare themselves to others because they don't agree with their own value.

You need to address your lack of inner strength and learn to accept yourself. You have qualities that make you stand out from others. Don't take gains and losses too seriously. In this life, you will gain some things and lose others. Believe you are the best and worthy of love. This will help you face the ups and downs of life more easily and more at ease.

Hello! I'm Li Di, and I'm so grateful for this opportunity to chat with you.

One of the company's colleagues is a fellow villager who gets along well with the boss. This colleague has a good personality and comes from a good family. Apart from being lazy at work, there is nothing else wrong with him. However, recently, everyone has been so busy that this colleague is no longer in a state to work. Not only is he not in a state to work, but he is also not there when he is needed. I can see you're feeling unhappy about this, and now you're feeling angry. It seems that you have a great sense of awareness. You feel envious of the other person's family and personality. In the end, you even realize that you have feelings of jealousy. This jealousy makes you feel a lot of worry. You feel that you are being a nuisance. Let me give you a hug. In a physically and mentally exhausting work environment, it is probably inevitable to feel envious and jealous when you have a colleague like this to compare yourself with. I'm here to help you with that.

We've just recently started a practice of changing our minds at our psychological and emotional "gas station," and we can try it together if you'd like. I really hope it will be helpful to you!

☞First, is it true that you envy and resent this colleague because you think you're not doing well, or even that you're not good enough?

☞Second, I know it can feel like there's no way I can measure up to her in every way.

☞I've noticed that when I compare my family background with that of my colleague, the salary I get from my boss with the workload, I find that I envy and resent my colleague. At the same time, I feel like a loser. I'd love to understand why I always want to compare with others. Why do I compare with others' strengths (family background and relationship with the boss that I cannot choose)?

☞ Fourth, if I don't make such comparisons, but just focus on the personal level, will I still feel that I am inferior and need to envy and be jealous of her?

Of course, the above methods of rethinking are just some alternative ways of thinking. If there's anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can choose to ignore it. These are just some assumptions, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk about them.

Let's dive in and explore the underlying psychological mechanisms behind your feelings and needs together. This way, you'll gain a deeper understanding and acceptance of yourself.

I can see how your jealousy might be a reflection of your desire for fairness and recognition of your personal effort. It's possible that you feel like you're not being rewarded as much as you should be in your current work environment, and that your colleagues are getting special treatment.

It's totally normal to feel neglected or treated unfairly, and it's only natural to feel jealous when this happens. It's our basic human need to feel fair and equal, and it's okay to have these feelings.

It's totally normal to feel this way! Your heart is probably just seeking a balance, hoping that your efforts and results will be recognized. What you may need is to feel that your work is meaningful and that your efforts are seen and worthwhile.

This feeling is not just about material rewards, but also about spiritual satisfaction and self-fulfillment.

Then, to control jealousy, perhaps we can also try the following steps.

Take some time for self-reflection. Ask yourself: is it because you feel like your efforts aren't being adequately recognized?

Could it be that you feel your work is more important than others? Or do you think everyone should be evaluated and rewarded according to the same standards?

It's so important to set clear goals! Be clear about your objectives at work and your career path. This helps you focus on your own achievements rather than the actions of others.

Communication and feedback: Have an open exchange with your supervisor or colleagues and express your feelings and expectations. It's so important to communicate effectively with your supervisor or colleagues. This can help clarify any misunderstandings and may even lead to improvements in your work assignments!

It's so important to remember that you can't control how others behave, but you can control your attitude and actions. So, focus on improving your own work efficiency and quality, rather than comparing yourself with others.

Try to see things from your colleagues' point of view. They may have their own challenges and grievances, just like you. If you can try to understand their position, it might help you feel less negative.

If you're still struggling, don't be afraid to reach out. A counselor can provide invaluable guidance and support in navigating complex emotions and developing more effective coping strategies.

Practice gratitude! It's so simple, but it really works. Just take a moment each day to think about the things you're grateful for. It'll help you escape from negativity and see the positive side of life.

Personal growth: Turn your attention to personal growth and development, rather than comparison. Everyone's life path is unique, and that's a beautiful thing! Focus on your own journey, not others.

We're all different, and that's a beautiful thing! Your value isn't determined by your working hours or income. Through introspection and positive mindset adjustment, you can find more inner peace and value your own unique life experience more.

I really hope my answer is helpful for you! I love you all so much, and I hope you have a wonderful day! ??

Hello, my dear friend! I'm Shelley, your career coach and heart explorer.

From your message, I can see that you have very clear logic and reason. Kudos to you for having such high standards and strict requirements for yourself! It's admirable how you've been able to withstand the pressures of life that others do not have. I'm curious, though, what other emotions you might suppress yourself in addition to jealousy in these "incidents"?

I wish I could explain more, but the format of the Q&A doesn't allow me to. I've tried to put myself in your shoes to see if these two points will help you feel more understanding and warmth for yourself when you're feeling aggrieved and resentful, apart from "criticizing and blaming" yourself.

1. The first step to getting over your jealousy is to let it out.

How do you understand this sentence? Just like a family with two children, each older child will naturally be jealous of the arrival of the second child, who will take away some of the parents' love for them. Most modern parents can understand the need to give the older child more energy, time, and attention, but it can be tough to learn some of these skills on your own.

Let me give you an example. Have you ever heard the saying "the younger sibling takes precedence over the older"? It's used to describe a situation where, during the heavy period of pregnancy, parents will unconsciously ignore the older sibling's natural sense of loss and disappointment. They'll assign the role of having to be a good sister or brother to them, requiring them to be sensible and obedient. This makes us feel that there is nowhere to place our normal jealous emotions (unrequited love). We can only "suppress" ourselves by standing on the moral high ground. The more we suppress, the stronger it becomes. It can even erupt like a volcano, hurting others and even ourselves. So the next time a jealous thought arises, tell yourself: I'm sad? I can't have the same living conditions as her, but I can hug myself, just hug myself tenderly and warmly. I deserve to have good days that belong to me ❤️.

This seemingly silly psychological self-care, with good and repeated practice, will help you realize that you will no longer repeatedly fall into the cycle of expecting external forces to save you. The change in your self-healing ability will allow you to better face the part of yourself that longs to be loved and noticed, but can only express this through jealousy. I really think you should give it a try!

2. Why not try to get closer to the other person and see how she views herself, the one you admire?

I have a feeling that you, who are usually so rational, will understand right away how important it is to give yourself this chance. Who knows, maybe the "contentment," "idleness," "willfulness," and "unconventionality" that outsiders see will have a different experience for her.

Take a moment to understand what you're envious of, what you're ignoring, and what unmet needs you have. For example, maybe you desire a carefree life, a high need for inner security, the expectation of freedom of choice, or the desire for money. Which of these unmet inner needs are you willing to choose?

How? Just let yourself slowly possess it until you overflow with love and achieve a sense of abundance.

It might seem like jealousy of others is at play, but it's actually the feeling of envy that can help us discover our unmet needs. From this perspective, "envy" is also a valuable emotion. Treat it well and let it become your own resource and strength.

I just want to say, "Congratulations!"