Fighting with my husband, I often vent my anger on my son, and I find it hard to control my emotions. What should I do?

Good day, I am Xiao Junhai, the question and answer specialist.

Firstly, I appreciate that you are currently experiencing a high level of distress, including feelings of inadequacy as a mother and a lack of emotional control, which has also affected your son. However, it is important to recognise that you are not a failure as a mother. It is natural for mothers to make mistakes, and the key is to learn from them and implement corrective actions.

In regard to your son's fever and cough, it is recommended that you schedule an appointment with a medical professional as soon as possible to ensure that his health is properly managed. Concurrently, it is essential to prioritize your own emotional and mental well-being to better care for your son.

In regard to the disagreements you have with your husband, I advise that you attempt to communicate with him openly and honestly, informing him of your feelings and needs. In the event that he is uncooperative or unwilling to communicate with you or listen to you, you may wish to consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or family therapist in order to find a solution to the problem.

In terms of emotional management, I recommend learning techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and relaxation training. These can help relieve tension and prevent loss of control.

Additionally, you may wish to consider seeking support from friends or family members. This could involve sharing your feelings and experiences with them, and allowing them to provide encouragement and support.

In closing, I advise you to avoid self-criticism and refrain from viewing yourself as a failure. It is inevitable that mothers will err at times, but it is crucial to learn from these mistakes and implement corrective actions.

Have confidence in your ability to be a good mother and to provide a brighter future for yourself and your son.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a happy new year and to commend you on your continued efforts.

Hello, question asker! I see your question and I'm excited to help you find the answers you're looking for. I'll be answering from the following points:

First, regarding the venting of emotions on your husband to your son, I have a suggestion for you! It's a bit like the psychological kicking-the-cat effect. You are angry with your husband, but you think you are no match for him. He is stronger than you, but the child is not. Obviously, your child is only 15 months old, and you are expecting someone to give you emotional support, but at this time your child cannot give you such support, and instead falls into a crying state, making you feel even worse. A mother who feels bad about herself is unable to deal with her child's crying. The child's strength is the weakest in the family, so it is reasonable for it to become an outlet for your emotions. However, after the emotions pass, they make you fall into a state of repeated rumination, regretting your actions. This not only deepens your sense of guilt and powerlessness, but is actually not helpful in solving things. So, what can you do? I have a solution!

Second, it is totally normal for couples to have arguments and disagreements. The key is learning how to communicate and balance these conflicts and opinions. When there's a lack of respect and loving communication in the family, it can cause emotional outbursts. But don't worry! If you are dissatisfied with your husband, you can learn to express your feelings and expectations to each other instead of blaming each other. When you are emotional, try to spend as little time as possible with your children. Always remind yourself to respect your children and husband, and lower some of your expectations of your husband.

There are so many ways to keep your emotions calm! Try meditation exercises or activities like calligraphy, painting, and dancing.

Hello, question asker! My name is Rose, and I'm here to listen and support you in any way I can.

Your words bring to mind my own past experiences as a woman with a husband who nevertheless lived her life like a single mother. In particular, when the child was young, I often felt like I could be blown over by the wind. I craved the company and love of another person, but there was no one.

It can be difficult to find someone to talk to when we feel alone and misunderstood. We may try to reach out to others, hoping they can understand our struggles, but it can feel like they don't see or hear us. This can lead to frustration, and we may unintentionally transfer that frustration onto our young children.

My dear, I want to reassure you that you are not a failed mother. In fact, I admire your strength and resilience. Your decision to seek help at this moment is a testament to your courage. Despite the challenges you're facing, you haven't given up on yourself or your child. I admire your dedication to your child's wellbeing. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

I hope you will allow me to share my thoughts with you. I truly hope that my words can bring you some warmth and care.

1. You say you feel like you've failed as a mother.

From my perspective, it seems that you are a mother who is constantly blaming and punishing herself. It is clear that you are experiencing a great deal of pain, yet you never let up on yourself, believing that you have made a significant mistake.

I'm sorry to hear that your 2.15-month-old child is still having a fever.

Due to the child's illness, have you been experiencing feelings of self-blame, and have the exhaustion and worry of caring for the child led to further exhaustion in your already tired body?

I can understand how difficult it is to sleep well when your child is sick. It seems to me that you may also be struggling to get enough rest.

It is not uncommon for individuals who do not get sufficient rest to experience depressive symptoms. When the brain is deprived of the necessary sleep, it can lead to a state of heightened emotionality and a tendency to engage in behaviors that may be perceived as inappropriate.

2. It can be challenging to see your child throwing up and feeling like your husband is not providing the support you need.

Could this be making you feel even more unacceptable?

It's understandable that you need your husband's care and support. It would be reassuring to have him come to your side when you need it and give you what you need. Given the circumstances, it's natural to feel helpless and frustrated.

3. Perhaps your mother could have offered you more comfort.

In moments of feeling helpless, when you feel like you can't hold on any longer, it can be challenging to find support. Instead, there might be instances of verbal violence and emotional abuse.

And you feel like you have nowhere to turn, which makes you feel like you could fall at any time.

4. It can be challenging when there are disagreements with your husband and you feel the need to express your frustration with your children.

It is understandable that we may sometimes take our frustrations out on our children, who are too young to understand or respond to our anger. Many mothers experience this, and you are not alone in this experience.

It's not the best situation, but we're all human and we all make mistakes.

This kind of life can be challenging and overwhelming, and it's natural to want to escape. I can relate to that feeling. It can feel suffocating, and your instinctive self-preservation may lead you to want to escape. It's also understandable if your overwhelmed self starts to think about suicide.

It is possible that the chest pain you are experiencing may be linked to the negative emotions you have been holding in. When emotions cannot find an outward outlet, they can sometimes manifest in the body as a physical sensation. I have experienced something similar in the past. For many years, I was a full-time mother, going through a range of experiences. I entered into marriage with good intentions, but it unfortunately did not work out, and I found myself in a state of despair.

Whenever I experience negative emotions, I feel a discomfort in my chest. I sought medical attention and was reassured that everything was fine. I then sought the guidance of a psychological counselor and, through our conversations, was able to find a sense of calm and ease within myself. The discomfort gradually dissipated.

Many mothers have experienced similar challenges, but that doesn't define us. Despite our imperfect actions, we all sought ways to find a path forward. You found your way here, and I also found guidance from a psychological counselor and learned to navigate life on my own.

From what you've shared, I can see that you're going through a challenging time. I empathize with you and want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm willing to stay with you, so you're not alone, and there are many people like me who are willing to stay with you.

Let's work together to identify ways you can improve your life and feel better. I believe you're open to doing this with me.

When you're feeling down, it might be helpful to focus on caring for yourself.

When a woman learns to love herself, it becomes less important whether other people love her or not. Even if they don't, it won't hurt her. What's more, when you learn to truly love yourself, you may find that you attract people who truly love you, including your current husband.

When you feel bad, it can be helpful to acknowledge the emotions you were experiencing at the time, whether it was sadness, anger, or desperation. Accepting and embracing your current feelings can be a valuable step in moving forward.

Perhaps it would be helpful to tell yourself, "I'm feeling a little sad right now. I'm starting to think that maybe no one loves me, but I'm going to try to accept that."

If you are feeling aggrieved at this time, it may help to allow yourself to cry if you feel you need to. There is no need to say anything, just allow yourself to feel the feeling and let your emotions out. This can be a way of releasing the negative feelings you are experiencing. It can help you to feel more relaxed and less tired.

2. If you have done something to make your child cry, it would be greatly appreciated if you could apologize to your child.

In the unfortunate event that you accidentally hurt your child, it is important to recognize that you did not intend to do so. While it is natural to feel remorse, it is also essential to clarify that you are transferring your emotions onto your child. It is crucial to understand that your emotions are your own and that you are responsible for them. Taking responsibility for your actions is an important step in the healing process.

It might be helpful to view this process as a way to gradually learn to take responsibility for your own life. This could be an effective way to save yourself.

3. If you feel that you would benefit from additional support, you may wish to consider seeking professional psychological counseling.

You may also wish to consider going to the hospital for a check-up, or talking to a psychological counselor. They will be able to provide you with sincere support and guidance throughout this challenging process.

It is not uncommon for family members to have difficulty understanding one another. In such cases, a professional counselor can offer valuable insight and guidance. The existence of a counselor is beneficial in such circumstances.

4. It would be beneficial to ensure you get enough rest, find a few minutes every day to do things for yourself, and learn to please yourself.

It is recommended that you get enough rest to stabilize your emotions. If you are having trouble sleeping, you might try listening to music, doing yoga, or writing in your diary about your mood before going to bed.

You have the support of your husband and mother. You can politely request their assistance when needed. It's important to remain calm and express gratitude for their help, regardless of the task. Remember, even a small change in attitude can have a significant impact on those around you.

If you have a hobby, you might consider pursuing it. It could help you feel more alive and give you the strength to keep going.

5. Consider adjusting your perception of yourself.

It is important to remember that nobody is perfect, and it is often through mistakes that we learn and grow.

To truly love yourself is to accept your imperfect self, thereby replacing the past's self-negation and hatred of yourself, as well as seeing your dedication and sincerity towards your child, and giving yourself more positive feedback and positive suggestions, which may help you feel better.

In other words, it could be helpful to consider changing your perception. How a person lives their life may be influenced by their perception.

I hope that what I have shared can bring you some warmth and care.

Mothers are among the most loving people in the world. When mothers are kind to themselves, they are better able to care for their children. It's important to remember that we are all imperfect, and we have already done a great job.

I believe that a good life will come to you, warm and accompanying you.

I hope that the world and I can show you our love, and that you can find peace in your life.

The great news is that you're not alone! There are many people in the same psychological state as you.

It's incredible how many families have gone through similar experiences and scenes of husband and wife getting along with each other!

Now, let's dive into the reasons! They involve personal character traits, how a couple gets along, and the special period of family life when children are young.

#01 Family reasons

Even if there is elderly help when the child is very young, it's still a lot of work for the mother!

Every day is a new adventure! You get to deal with your child's eating, drinking, going to the toilet, and sleeping. Even a healthy person would be exhausted, let alone a woman in the postpartum recovery stage.

At this time, a woman can be said to basically have no free time of her own. She gets to spend every day taking care of her precious little ones and rarely has the chance to go outdoors.

And if there is, it's to keep up with the child, making sure they're never thirsty or hungry, and keeping them safe from harm! It can be said that day in and day out, the spirit is on edge and the body is weary.

This kind of fatigue lasts a long time, making people feel a little annoyed, a little helpless, a little anxious, and a little irritable.

So, postpartum depression is totally understandable! While only a small number of new moms actually experience depression, many do have symptoms to varying degrees.

If you encounter a family financial crisis, your husband's career is not going well, or your husband is too lazy to share the housework, etc., it will undoubtedly exacerbate the housewife's inner feelings of despair. But don't worry! It is inevitable that the couple will argue from time to time.

#02, personal reasons

Many women are truly devoted to their families and children, and they deserve to be rewarded for their efforts! They should be understood and loved by their families, and their children should grow up healthy, obedient, and easy to raise.

So, when you see your husband being lazy all the time, or not earning enough money (not taking enough initiative), or having a hard time raising the kids, you may easily lose your temper and even have a breakdown. But don't worry! At this time, you will often do something impulsive, such as hurting yourself, hitting your children, or even having suicidal thoughts.

The great news is that the person involved will also calm down quickly afterwards and regret the action they just took.

However, if this happens more often, it will obviously have a certain impact on the physical and mental health of the individual and the child, as well as on family care. The good news is that there are ways to improve this situation!

So, let's dive in and see how we can make this situation even better!

#01, emotional management

Now, here's the really cool part: This is emotional control. And the best part is that it's a way to relax and relieve emotions through regular practice.

And it gets even better! It also improves awareness, so you can feel the moment when you are about to get emotional.

This can reduce many moments of losing control of emotions. While it can't completely eliminate those emotions, the effect is amazing!

Simply put, emotional control means having emotions but suppressing them. And emotional management is about enhancing your comprehensive abilities, such as self-awareness and cognition, so that many emotions have no chance to develop.

#02: Let's improve our ability to express emotions!

Many women have a hard time expressing their needs and demands to their husbands or close ones. But there's no need to guess! Women can take control of their lives and communicate their needs directly.

What we don't know is that we have so much more to learn about ourselves and others!

This is an inevitable part of life! The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment.

Women's psychology has a big gap, so how can their mood be good? It's only a matter of time before they lose their temper. But there's an easy fix for that!

If a woman can tell her husband directly what she wants, and even if he can't fully satisfy her, he will definitely give a specific reason. This is a great way to reduce conflicts between the two and also eliminate the bad mood of many individual women!

#03. Eliminate the demand for perfection in yourself

In psychology, the educational introduction of "give and you will receive" is not recommended.

Efforts don't always lead to success, but that's okay! Not trying definitely won't lead to success.

Many people bring themselves psychological distress and even certain psychological problems precisely because of their perfectionist demands on themselves. But there is hope! We can overcome these challenges and achieve a healthy, happy life.

Many people do not consider objective facts, but simply believe that if they work hard, they must succeed. This is an unreasonable belief, and it turns the belief that "I should succeed" into the belief that "I must succeed." This is neither realistic nor scientific—but it can be changed!

Like you, many women associate their children's health and studies with themselves, thinking that they are stupid and have poor abilities. But there's so much more to it than that!

Absolutely! A person's achievements depend not only on hard work, but also on talent, intelligence, and individual personality traits.

It's so inspiring to see how other people's children effortlessly find their way into top-notch schools and land great jobs!

However, there's still so much room for improvement! Many children work hard but still have mediocre grades. Some even suffer from psychological or mental illnesses, including depression.

So, let's treat our children and everything around us with an ordinary heart! And let's try our best and not regret it!

There's a great saying in my hometown: "Children and grandchildren will have their own blessings." And it's so true! We have the amazing opportunity to shape our children's healthy growth, instill correct values, and encourage good living habits.

As for grades, it all depends on his destiny! If he doesn't work hard or if he does work hard but doesn't get the grades he's aiming for, it's totally fine. He'll definitely have his own incredible life path, determined by his destiny!

That's all there is to it! I really hope it helps!

Hello! I'm Jiang.

Thank you for trusting us and telling us about your situation. You said you have trouble controlling your emotions and take your anger out on your son when you fight with your husband. Let's explore your situation together.

1. Introduction

1. Self-assessment

You said, "I'm a failure as a mother."

From your self-assessment as a "failed mother," I can tell you doubt yourself and lack confidence.

2. Reason

My son is 15 months old and has had a fever and cough recently. I fed him a full stomach tonight. I argued with my husband and took out my emotions on my son. My son has a bit of a torticollis, so I forced his head. He kept crying until he vomited all over the food. My husband was standing right next to me the whole time. When I vomited, he said, "That's right, that's what you wanted, isn't it?" He didn't get up to clean up the mess. I cried while holding my son and called my mother to come clean up. My mother kept scolding me and took my son away.

I feel pain for my son. I feel like I've failed, taking it out on him. It hurts me the most. I argue with my husband, and I get angry. Sometimes I want to jump off a building with my son in my arms. I often get angry and have chest pains and headaches. I often feel like I'm going to die from anger.

? Relationship

You argue with your husband a lot and vent your frustration on your son. When the child vomits, your husband blames you and won't help clean up. Your relationship is not very harmonious, and communication is poor.

Reprimand

You know you shouldn't take it out on your child, and your mother blames you. You also feel like a bad mother and blame yourself for taking it out on your child when your child is uncomfortable and resentful.

3⃣️, Confused

You say, "Why am I like this? Why do I get so angry over one thing my husband says? I should ignore him."

Confused

You're puzzled why a sentence from Mr. So-and-So can make you angry and influence you. You know you can ignore it.

Irritated

You get defensive when you're targeted or accused.

2. What causes emotional outbursts?

1. Irritation

Irritability

Irritability is a severe but short-lived emotional disturbance. When encountering stimuli or unpleasant events, a person with irritability will have a violent emotional reaction.

Reason

If you're easily provoked, it's because you have an unresolved issue. When someone triggers it, your repressed emotions will come out.

2. Psychological defense mechanism

A defense mechanism is a way of coping with stress.

A psychological defense mechanism is a way of coping with stress. It involves suppressing your worries and anxiety. It is a subconscious way of protecting yourself from stress.

Emotional transference

You're in a fight with your husband and afraid of hurting your relationship. You don't want to lose your temper, so you vent your emotions on your child. This isn't a good way to transfer emotions.

3⃣, Personality reasons

You seem sensitive and unconfident. You can't communicate well with your husband. You either ignore your feelings or share them with others. I think you're melancholic.

Depressed personality

A melancholic personality is characterized by:

Thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and pursues truth, goodness, and beauty.

You are sensitive, loyal, talented, and insightful.

Disadvantages: stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, passive.

Care

Care means how much attention, care, concern, and importance you put into something or someone. It shows how much you pay attention to detail and care about others, as well as how important relationships are to you.

You are sensitive and pay a lot of attention to your husband. You value the relationship between you two. When there is a conflict, you become pessimistic, stubborn, and emotional.

3. What to do

1. Learn to communicate effectively.

Effective communication

Communication is sharing information with someone to get a response. If it works, it's effective.

Communication includes both words and body language. Body language is usually more important than words. Effective communication is important in family and social relationships.

Steps to effective communication

Effective communication has four steps.

Step 1: Express feelings, not emotions.

Express what you want, not what you don't want.

Step 3: State your needs, not complaints.

Step 4: Focus on the future, not the past.

If you think the other person is unreasonable, don't ignore your emotions. Use effective communication to let them understand your feelings and what you want. Reach a consensus with them.

2⃣️, Managing emotions

Managing emotions is an important skill for personal, family, intimate, and interpersonal relationships.

Recognize your emotions.

The first step in managing emotions is recognizing what emotion you're feeling.

Accept your emotions.

Healthy emotions match your situation. When your emotions match what's going on, accept them.

This will help you relax.

Expressing emotions

Emotional expression is about expressing your own emotions.

Cultivating Emotions

You can manage your emotions by practicing the following ways.

1) A regular life helps you feel stable.

2) Develop a hobby. Love yourself and love life.

3) Helping others is the greatest joy.

4) Connecting with nature calms the heart and stabilizes emotions.

5) Spend time with emotionally stable people to reduce emotional problems.

When we have emotions, we can understand them, accept them, and express them in a healthy way. This helps children avoid being hurt and protects our physical and mental health. If we focus on developing our emotions in a healthy way, it benefits our family and ourselves.

3. Family roles

Household division of labor

Household division of labor is when family members share chores, care, and responsibilities. A good division of labor helps a family function well.

Division of labor and cooperation

Daily chores in family life also require division of labor and cooperation. By doing household chores together, you can understand each other better and help each other, which will deepen your relationship. Previously, your anger at your husband's accusations was also caused by the lack of division of labor, so you also complained a bit.

With a clear division of labor and mutual support, you will complain less and feel calmer.

Questioner, family disputes and conflicts are normal. When we have them, we learn to deal with them calmly and communicate effectively with our husbands. We tell our husbands our thoughts, feelings, and emotions without emotion, and gain his understanding and support. We can face daily life with a good attitude and handle our emotions at any time.

Dear Questioner, Your family life is just beginning. You can solve anything through effective communication. Believe in yourself and your husband. You can do it. Finally, I wish you a happy life!

Hello! From what you've said, I'm reminded of a saying a friend told me when I was pregnant: becoming a mother is also a rebirth of oneself. I also get the sense that the questioner is looking inward throughout the text. The more aware you are, the stronger you become. This is a stage where you need the most support. I hope that my sharing will help you in the next step.

There are new choices and actions to be made.

"I should either ignore him or let his words go in one ear and out the other."

Can you use the new approach you plan to try today to respond to the words and actions of the people around you?

Everything is tough at the start. Pick a new route, and you might get some strange looks and comments from people. At this stage, you just need to be determined about your goal, know what you want, get rid of distractions, and focus on your goal.

You'll be stronger for having experienced it. And when you meet the challenges of your life, you'll find that life still has a surprise in store from time to time.

Go ahead and feel your emotions for a while.

It's important to remember that our emotions won't do anything to help us.

When anger, resentment, anxiety, fear, loneliness, etc. arise again,

We just become an observer, a bystander, and see it, "I see you, loneliness," without doing anything to resist or cope with it. Spend some time with it and experience the feeling of being together.

You might find that when emotions come up, it's best to just accept them. They'll usually pass in a short while if you don't dwell on them. But if you try to suppress them, they can become stronger.

"Let go of the past and start anew."

Let go of the past. You can do this by talking about it or by other means, such as keeping a diary.

Let it all out, from the mind to the body and then out into the world.

This creates space for a new life and love.

They've turned the past into a source of nourishment to help them heal.

Find someone you trust to listen to you, whether it's a professional or a friend.

They're your best supporters, helping you see your own advantages, accept yourself, and love yourself. You'll also see a different you and a different life from a new perspective.

Believe in yourself. You can do it.

That's all I wanted to share. Wishing you the best, The world and I love you.

Greetings,

It is unfortunate to learn of your difficulties in regulating your emotions and navigating familial discord. However, it is important to note that such challenges are not uncommon, with many individuals struggling to cope with the complexities of family relationships and the fluctuating nature of emotions. In light of these difficulties, it is valuable to consider strategies that can assist in fostering healthier relationships with family members and better emotional regulation.

Breathing exercises and meditation are effective techniques for relaxation and emotional regulation. When an individual is experiencing elevated emotions, these practices can assist in relaxation and the restoration of composure.

In the event that arguments with family members become unmanageable, it may be advisable to temporarily withdraw from the situation in order to regain composure.

Seek external support. Discourse with friends, family, or a psychologist can prove beneficial in alleviating distress.

It is important to be aware of one's emotions. When experiencing feelings of anger or frustration, it is beneficial to identify the source of these emotions. This can facilitate a deeper understanding of one's feelings, which in turn can assist in more effectively managing them.

It is advisable to adopt a more objective stance when confronted with a disagreement with one's family. This can be achieved by attempting to view the situation from the perspective of a third party, which will facilitate a more detached and analytical approach to the problem at hand.

It is recommended that the way in which one interacts with one's family be altered. It would be beneficial to communicate with one's family in a more positive and constructive manner. For example, it would be advisable to avoid making accusations and attacks and instead express one's feelings and needs.

Should one's emotional difficulties persist and have a detrimental impact on one's daily life, it may be advisable to seek the assistance of a psychotherapist or counselor.

It is essential to prioritize self-care as a foundation for navigating family conflicts. Engaging in physical and mental health-promoting activities, such as exercise or relaxation techniques, or pursuing a fulfilling hobby, can significantly enhance one's ability to manage these challenges.

It is essential to communicate with one's partner in an open and honest manner about one's feelings and thoughts regarding the relationship. In some cases, both partners may need to make compromises and implement changes to improve the relationship.

It is advisable to seek external support in the form of counselling from friends, family members or a psychologist in order to gain a deeper understanding of one's feelings. In some cases, simply expressing one's thoughts can be beneficial.

It is important to recognise that the resolution of familial disagreements and the management of emotional fluctuations require a significant investment of time and effort. It is therefore essential to maintain a positive outlook and to foster a more harmonious and healthier environment for oneself and one's family.

Hello. I can see you're upset and blaming yourself. Tonight, you lost control and took it out on your child.

You feel guilty and sad that you lost control. You feel sorry for the children and angry with yourself for losing control because of your husband.

This is understandable.

When you can't control your emotions and your husband is being mean, you're both in an emotional storm and hurting each other.

You're aware of yourself, but blaming yourself isn't helpful. What message does blaming yourself send? Can you do something about it?

I don't know what your husband said, but you were clearly angry. You couldn't vent your anger.

Don't get angry at someone. Look at your own anger. When you notice you're getting angry, take a 90-second time-out and take a few deep breaths.

Walk away for a while.

Identify what your husband does that makes you angry, and then talk to him when you're calmer.

I suggest reading Nonviolent Communication. I hope it helps.

Best,

1. Mother-son relationship

As a mother, your son is 15 months old, which is still very young. His torticollis is a cause for concern.

2. Personal Emotions

You are unable to regulate your emotions and direct them towards constructive outlets, which results in feelings of self-blame.

3. Couple relationship

In the face of these challenges, your husband did not demonstrate understanding or support. Instead, he mocked and denied you, which caused you significant distress.

4. Vicious cycle

Following a disagreement with your husband, you have experienced chest tightness, splitting headaches, and insomnia. You have also had extreme thoughts of escaping and running away from this situation and pain with your son.

5. Elders

Furthermore, your mother has observed that you are unable to regulate your emotions, which has led to criticism and disapproval. She is concerned that your actions may have a detrimental impact on the child.

6. Given the circumstances, I can appreciate the challenges you are facing. I empathize with your pain and confusion.

It is important to recognise that children act as a protective factor in this situation, while the couple relationship represents the core concern and main point of conflict. It can be said that the attitude of your husband represents the aspect you care about most and the source of your greatest pain.

The negative feedback from colleagues has caused you a great deal of stress, to the point of being untenable. Your perception of yourself has also changed, and you now view yourself as a failure as a mother.

7. You are seeking assistance at this time, investigating the underlying causes of this situation. I commend you for your courage in approaching this challenge with a rational mindset and a determination to find solutions for your son. I am confident that you will successfully navigate this challenging period, overcome the obstacles in your path, and emerge as a source of pride for yourself and your child.

8. Those who endure hardship, gain insight, and implement change are best equipped to navigate life's challenges. I suggest exploring free online learning resources, the Ao Mama WeChat public account, complimentary columns, and Wang Jinhai's "The Art of Managing a Happier Marriage."

I believe this will be the most effective and cost-efficient solution. Secondly, there are numerous free courses available. By continuing to learn and immerse yourself in these courses daily, you can free up more time for study and reduce the time spent on less productive activities. It is highly recommended to take an empathy course to gain a deeper understanding of your own emotions.

9. It is recommended that you maintain communication with the outside world. If you have the means, you can find a listener or counselor on a platform and engage in a dialogue with them, rather than relying on your own resources.

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

In my experience, the first thing we need to do is determine whether it is postpartum depression. After giving birth, due to changes in hormone levels, our emotions will also be affected, which is very normal. We need to accept our own changes. Once hormone levels return to normal, our emotions will gradually stabilize. It is best to consult a doctor. If it is really difficult to control, you can use some medication. In addition, I would like to give you the following suggestions to help you adjust:

1. Don't blame yourself! New mothers are under a lot of pressure, but you can do it! You need to change your attitude towards yourself, accept and understand yourself more, and care for yourself. You're doing great! ?

As a new mother, I don't sleep well, and my emotions are also affected by my baby's various problems. But there's no need to worry! We can understand and accept ourselves more, rather than blaming and attacking ourselves. This is because at this time, blaming and attacking oneself will only bring more anxiety and internal conflict, and will not do any good. On the contrary, understanding, accepting and caring for oneself can calm and rationalize oneself.

You can always say to yourself, "I may not have done a perfect job on this, but I accept myself anyway!"

Absolutely! Calming yourself with butterfly flapping, hugging yourself, and alternately patting your shoulders with both hands, repeating 6-8 times each time, doing several sets, can effectively activate the self-care system in our body and make us feel warm.

And don't forget to get enough sleep! When you're well-rested, your emotions will be more stable.

2. Use some effective ways to release emotions. Emotions are not suppressed or exploded, but they need to be released in time!

If you feel like you have too many emotions inside you that need to be released and transformed, you can adopt some effective ways to channel and transform your emotions! For example, you can choose to channel your energy into something productive, like writing in a journal or taking a walk. Fighting with your husband to the extent of losing your temper is because you usually accumulate too many emotions. But, you can choose to let go of those emotions and transform them into something positive!

There are so many ways we can help ourselves release our pent-up emotions! For example, doing some sports that suit us and that we like can effectively help you improve your mood and relieve stress. Talking to suitable friends and feeling their understanding and support for you is another great way to release pent-up emotions. If there are some groups of mothers with the same frequency as you, you can also join them, chat with them, and not only pour out your troubles, but sometimes also gain some effective parenting methods. Develop the habit of writing for healing! Set aside a certain amount of time every day to write about your emotions. Through frequent writing, this sublimation method can also help us live with inner relaxation. Draw mandalas, and in the process of drawing and coloring, play some relaxing soft music. This process will make you feel very healing, and it is also an internal integration process.

3. Seeking support and resources is a great way to avoid carrying the pressure alone. Learning to express your needs and emotions is a fantastic way to avoid expressing them emotionally, which will trigger new conflicts and contradictions and add new troubles to yourself.

When we see our husband being sarcastic and unhelpful, we don't need to agree with him and really feel bad about ourselves. We can choose to see how we can deal with the situation at that moment. If you feel hurt by his strong denial, you can express it directly: "I feel particularly sad and hurt after you said that. I feel very stressed and hard every day. I need your understanding and support, and I need your help and attention. Can you come and help clean up now? I will calm my son down, you clean up, we will cooperate with each other and take care of the child together..."

If you feel that you cannot express yourself calmly at that moment, then leave the situation for now and express yourself when your emotions have calmed down. You can express your needs and how you want them to help you to your husband and your mother, so that they understand your difficulties and can really help you. This is your chance to take control and get the help you need!

It's important to remember that when you express yourself, you should do so in a non-judgmental and non-accusatory way. If you speak in an attacking or blaming manner, it will trigger their defense mechanism, and they'll feel the need to argue with you. This will only lead to a new round of conflict!

If you have time, I highly recommend reading the books "The Power of Self-Care" and "Nonviolent Communication"!

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you the best!

Dear Sir/Madam, I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I am concerned to observe that you are currently experiencing difficulties in regulating your emotions. From your description, there appear to be three main issues that require attention. These include: 1. Has a rift emerged in your relationship with your husband following the birth of your child?

2. Might there be an underlying issue with your husband's character? Does he consistently resort to arguments or sarcasm as a means of conflict resolution?

3. Do you exhibit any depressive characteristics? You are prone to becoming easily agitated.

Has he experienced a decline in mood and the occurrence of intense thoughts? Have there been any changes in his sleep patterns or appetite?

It is not necessary to label oneself, but it is important to be aware that postpartum depression can affect pregnant women and those who have recently given birth.

It is possible that you are experiencing postpartum depression.

At this time, it is crucial to prioritize self-care, seek the love and support of family, and receive encouragement from your husband. Additionally, it is vital to seek assistance from others in caring for the baby, as newborns often require significant attention and care for an extended period. The demands of caring for a newborn can be exhausting, and it is essential to recognize the need for support and assistance.

It is not uncommon for novice parents to appear aged and haggard within a year or two of having a child. This can result in continued arguments with one's spouse. The specific nature of these arguments may vary, but they often exacerbate existing tensions.

Subsequently, you and your husband engage in conflict, subsequently directing your frustration towards your son. It is important to note that the child in question is still in the process of developing a sense of autonomy.

Given that the child is only slightly over one year of age, it is unlikely that he is able to comprehend your instructions or desires. His discomfort manifests as distress vocalization, which is his primary means of expressing his needs. It is not appropriate to direct your frustration towards the child.

It is imperative that the issues you are experiencing with your husband be addressed with him directly. It is essential to understand the specific nature of the disagreements you are having. Providing a detailed account of these issues may be beneficial. It is possible that your husband's behavior is a primary source of distress for you, as arguments with him tend to exacerbate your emotional state and make you more susceptible to provocation.

Furthermore, it may result in actions that are later regretted. Anger may be provoked by a particular remark, or the quality of the relationship may have deteriorated significantly during this period. If expectations are not met, disappointment with one's husband may be intensified.

Furthermore, it will be even more challenging to comprehend and accept a casual remark from him, which may then result in an outburst from you. It is unclear whether you have confided in your best friend during this period. Additionally, your mother is present to assist with the infant, which presents an optimal opportunity to entrust your child to your mother's care.

It is imperative to first achieve a state of composure. It is inadvisable to take the infant with you everywhere. It is essential to address one's emotions and personal matters before attempting to provide optimal care for the child. It is also recommended to seek psychological counseling or therapy, as the likelihood of postpartum depression is considerable.

Moreover, it is not uncommon for individuals without specialized training to be unable to discern these symptoms. In the event that one experiences heightened emotions, it is imperative to take a moment to regroup. This can be achieved by engaging in a brief walk or remaining in a quiet, undisturbed space.

In the event that extreme thoughts arise, it is recommended that you contact the crisis intervention hotline for assistance in protecting your well-being.

Please clarify the question.

Hello!

Becoming a mother means facing issues in your child's growth and development. The anger you've suppressed will erupt like an active volcano. I want to hug you, just like you hug your child. You forgot to remember these moments for yourself. You're overwhelmed by those "terrible" moments!

Be kind to yourself, especially in tough times.

It seems like your husband and mother don't understand how you feel about your son's torticollis. They don't know how much you need support right now. But I want you to take a moment to think. Can you be kind to yourself?

Answering this question can be sad because you realize you haven't cared for yourself. You dislike and dislike yourself. You feel you are not good enough, strong enough, or worthy of love. If you feel this way, how can you teach others to treat each other well?

Anything that happens during pregnancy is not your fault. If we could choose our own genes and avoid illness, we wouldn't need medicine. The child's care should be guided by professionals, and he will still grow up healthy and happy. Read Nick Vujicic's books when you're feeling down. How did a person born without hands or feet become healthy and happy?

Reading is a good choice when you can't ask for help. Books can give you strength.

Be less self-critical when you're struggling and treat yourself as well as you treat others.

Take your time to deal with your husband and mother. When you appreciate being a mother, you'll understand and be closer to your mother. Your children and partner will feel it too.

If you feel like you can't take it anymore, remember you can get help from a counselor. The more you learn to be a good mom, the better you will feel.

It is evident from your account that you are experiencing considerable distress. It is also apparent that you have difficulty controlling your temper, which can have a detrimental impact on your physical and mental well-being.

The subject reports a sense of inability to control her emotions, which she attributes to ongoing arguments with her husband and subsequent hurtful actions towards her son. She experiences feelings of remorse and guilt and reports difficulty understanding her emotions, accompanied by thoughts of self-harm.

These indicate the possibility of postpartum depression. These are normal physiological phenomena after childbirth. Although it is normal to experience some emotions after childbirth, it does not indicate that this is an appropriate response. I can discern your inner pain, confusion, sadness, guilt, and self-blame. You recognize that your negative behavior towards your son has caused him pain, and you are also deeply disappointed in your behavior.

Additionally, feelings of helplessness and frustration may arise due to the inability to control one's emotions. It is therefore recommended to initially accept these emotions and subsequently attempt to improve them. Only when emotions are stable can a clear mind be achieved, which is essential for problem-solving.

As a mother, it is imperative to regulate one's emotions. It is already challenging for a child to experience illness, and the introduction of negative moods can exacerbate this difficulty.

I empathize with your circumstances. Had your husband provided immediate comfort to the child and collaborated with you in childcare, the incident might not have escalated to its current state. Anger often arises not from the situation itself, but from the other person's failure to meet our expectations.

It is therefore understandable that you lost control. It would be beneficial for you to find a quiet moment to sit down and have a constructive conversation with your husband, avoiding any accusations. However, it is important to note that everyone experiences a loss of control from time to time. Some individuals are able to regain control of their emotions in a timely manner, while others remain immersed in their emotions for a longer period.

It is imperative that you make the necessary adjustments as soon as possible. It is crucial to avoid any thoughts of self-harm, as this will not only have a detrimental impact on your own well-being but will also leave a psychological imprint on your child. It is essential to be mindful of your emotions and to recognize that losing control of them may be indicative of the fact that your current negative emotions are beyond your capacity to regulate.

It is recommended that you identify appropriate self-regulation techniques, such as meditation, exercise, and yoga.

It is my sincere hope that you and your family may enjoy peace and good health.

I understand your situation and feelings. It is easy to lose control of your emotions when dealing with a sick child and family conflicts. However, you can control your emotions. Even in the face of difficulties and challenges, you can deal with your emotions in the right way.

Before dealing with negative emotions, you must understand some basic principles of emotion management. The first is cognitive restructuring, which means re-examining things and changing your perceptions and ideas.

When we encounter difficulties and challenges, we must not only identify the negative aspects of the problem, but also consider how to find the positive aspects and turn it into a plan of action. The second is emotional regulation, which means learning to regulate your emotions through breathing, relaxation, meditation, and other methods to maintain calm and composure.

Finally, you must solve problems by finding solutions to deal with difficulties and challenges.

Deal with your emotions by taking the following measures:

1. Prepare for emotional management. In daily life, communicate and express yourself better, understand your emotional state and triggers, and prepare for emotional management.

2. Understand your emotions. When emotions start to fluctuate, you must be aware of your emotional changes in a timely manner and record them. By recording and analyzing them, you can understand your emotional state, find out the causes of emotional fluctuations, and prepare for follow-up treatment.

3. Take control of your emotions. When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath, count to ten, or go for a walk. These simple techniques will help you regain your calm.

4. Adopt a problem-solving approach. When dealing with problems, find a solution. Don't vent your emotions on others or yourself.

5. Seek support. When facing difficulties and challenges, you must ask for help and support from those around you, such as family members, friends, or professional organizations. This will relieve your stress and reduce your burden.

When you feel your emotions getting the better of you, take control by doing the following to calm yourself down:

1. Breathe deeply. This simple yet effective relaxation technique will relieve your tension and anxiety, keeping you calm and composed.

Inhale slowly, then exhale slowly, focusing on the process of breathing and taking your attention away from the negative emotions.

2. Physical activity is an effective way to release stress and tension. Engage in aerobic exercises, go for a walk, or do some simple stretching exercises to distract yourself and reduce your emotional load.

3. Distraction: When emotions start to get out of control, take control by doing something you enjoy, such as listening to music, watching a movie, reading, drawing, etc. This will temporarily take your mind off the negative emotions and stress.

4. Seek support. Share your feelings with family, friends, or close people and demand their support and understanding. They will give you encouragement and advice to help you regain balance and stability.

5. Talk it out and keep a diary. Writing down your emotions and thoughts is an effective way to release inner pressure and emotions. You can choose to talk to friends and family, or write in a diary to reflect on your feelings and seek solutions to problems.

Dealing with emotions is a continuous process that requires time and effort. Take positive actions to manage your emotions and you will better cope with difficulties and challenges, creating a healthier and more harmonious life.

Seek help from a professional counselor or psychologist if you feel you cannot handle your emotions alone. They will provide you with the professional support and guidance you need.

As a mother, you have a responsibility to protect and care for your children while also caring for your own mental health. Don't give up. Get help and support, learn to handle your emotions, and create a healthier and more harmonious living environment for yourself and your family.

Hello, dear questioner! I'm Peilü.

First of all, I'll give you a big, warm hug ♥️

Let's talk about emotional management.

Marital relationship

Now, let's look at the data together.

The original poster said: "After arguing with her husband, she loses control of her emotions and sometimes vents her anger on her child. She often feels suffocated and has chest pain because of her husband's words, and sometimes even wants to jump off a building with her child in her arms." I can understand the situation you are in. We've all been there! As the old saying goes, "anger makes one's hair stand on end." It is indeed difficult for people to control their emotions when they are angry, and they often hurt the innocent. I also feel extremely distressed, self-blame, and guilt after such incidents.

Let's take a look at the reasons why.

Postpartum parenting

Your little one is already 15 months old, and you're still a new mom! From the excitement of pregnancy to the miracle of childbirth to the challenges of parenting, moms have experienced so much. The hard work can really take a toll on your energy, and it's totally normal to feel stressed physically and mentally.

This is also a sensitive period when marital conflicts may arise. Caring for a child requires a great deal of patience. Even a minor incident in life may be magnified several times and become the "last straw that breaks the camel's back." You say that you are often angered by your husband's words, which shows that you have been suppressing your emotions for a long time and are on the verge of an emotional breakdown. It's totally understandable! Even the slightest provocation makes you feel intolerable.

We all know that married couples sometimes have conflicts. It's totally normal!

"My husband was right there with me the whole time. When I threw up, he said, 'That's right, that's what you wanted, isn't that what you wanted?' And at the same time, he didn't get up to clean up the mess, but just stood there and teased me. "When I argued with my husband, I took out my emotions on my son. My son has a bit of a torticollis, so I made him turn his head. "I was crying with my son in my arms, and I called my mother, who was in the next room, to come over and clean up. "From this, it can be seen that the two of you lack mutual understanding and tolerance. After the argument, your husband did not give you the emotional support and action you needed in a timely manner, but instead teased you and refused to give in. Your way of dealing with your emotions was to take out your anger on your child, and even when you called your mother for help, you were unwilling to speak up and ask your husband for help, which caused the problem to escalate.

I'm here to offer you some personal advice.

Come back to your senses!

We all get angry sometimes, and when we do, it can be hard to think clearly. It's like our minds and bodies are taken over by that anger, and we say or do things we don't really mean or that we'll regret later. These irrational reactions can hurt the people we love the most. Instead of resolving the conflict, they can make things even worse. So, it's important to be aware of our moments of losing control. Instead of dwelling on the endless arguments, try taking a few deep breaths or turning away and dealing with the issue again when your emotions have stabilized.

It's so important to communicate reasonably!

It's totally normal for couples to have conflicts, especially during the child-rearing period. It's only natural that things might get a little more intense when there's an additional child to raise. It's really important to find a suitable time to sit down and have a calm, constructive conversation about your recent life situation and the pressures you're both facing.

It's so important to share the childcare responsibilities in a way that works for everyone. When you do, you can appreciate each other's hard work in taking care of the children together. This can really help you understand each other better and strengthen the bond between you and your little ones.

It's also really important to work out together how you're going to handle any disagreements. When you're talking, try not to blame each other or get angry. It's so important to share how you're feeling and what you need, and to try to understand each other's point of view. That way, you'll be able to support each other through the good times and the bad.

I'm here to help! Just let me know how I can support you.

I love you, world! And I love you too!

Hello!

It's only natural to feel like a failure as a mother when things don't go as planned. The word "failure" can feel like a harsh judgment, and it's easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself for not measuring up.

I can see how you might have come to this conclusion, but I think there might be a bit of a logical hiccup. It's not that there's no cause and effect relationship, but that there's more to it than what you've considered. I also think there might be a bit of a perception issue at play, where you're generalizing from a partial view.

It's easy to get carried away when we're trying to make a point. We might forget that an event, no matter how big or small, can't tell us anything about a person's character. It's like trying to make a cup of tea by following a recipe. You can't make a cup of tea by following a recipe. You have to add the water, then the tea, then the milk, then the sugar. You can't just throw everything in and hope for the best. The same goes for people. We can't make assumptions about someone's character based on one event. We're all complex beings, and we all have different experiences and perspectives.

We all make mistakes. One of the most common is "generalizing from a few examples." It's a way of thinking that draws erroneous conclusions by taking individual episodes and treating them as universal laws.

If you tell yourself you're a failure, you'll probably find that you fail at everything.

Now you're a mom to a 15-month-old, and you've come to see yourself as a failure in so many ways. It's only natural to feel this way when you're a new mom, especially when your little one is sick.

Your sweet little boy is 15 months old, and you're still learning the ropes as a mom. I'm sure your little one's fever and cough have kept you up at night, and I totally get why you're feeling so worn out.

It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed in this situation. Having an argument with your husband is very emotional, and it is extremely easy to break down. Every mother, when her child is young, especially when the child is sick, and when the mother is especially exhausted and suffering, there is always a moment of collapse. You are by no means an exception, and you're doing a great job!

Give yourself a big hug from afar to give you some comfort. And give yourself another one, this time to yourself, so you can feel the presence of your own strength.

And when you have a nervous breakdown, your husband just stands there saying unkind things, without offering any help or comfort. I suspect that your husband usually just stands by and watches while you're busy, which doesn't make you feel warm inside. I can see how that would be really hard to deal with.

Your husband's behavior might also be a factor in your breakdown. You're so busy, so tired, and so anxious, but he doesn't see it and doesn't do anything about it. I know you're trying your best, but it's so hard when you're feeling this overwhelmed.

This can really make people feel a bit frozen inside.

After you've done this, you'll probably feel really sad and upset about your son. So you give your son a big hug and cry, and call your mom in the next room to come and clean up. Your mom loves your child and is really tuned in to how he's feeling, but she might not see the pain you're going through, the anger you're feeling, or the cold you're experiencing.

I can relate to this so much! Your mother can't see you either, and no one in this family can see you and understand you. It seems to me that for you, the family is just about being the mother of your children, and no one sees you as an independent person.

You take out your anger on your son, but it's still you who suffers, and it's still you who is hurt. You've summed up the problem quite correctly in your reflections, my dear.

It's so hard when you argue with your husband, isn't it? It's only natural to take it out on yourself and your children when you're angry. I'm sure you're aware that your habit of self-harm is a bit worrying, and that something might go wrong one day.

I can see how you feel. It's so hard to ignore your husband when he's with you every day. It's a challenge to block him out. I know you're trying your best, and I'm here to support you.

You're asking a lot of yourself, and it's not easy to do. Those who do are pretty amazing, though!

If you have the chance, I really hope you can find a psychologist who can match you and talk to them a few times. I truly believe that a psychologist can see you in your entirety, see the you who is the wife, the you who is the daughter, the you who is yourself, understand you, accompany you, and explore you together.

It's tough when you're on your own, so don't be too hard on yourself if you can't do everything at once. I really think you'll find the book "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone" helpful. It explains what a psychologist does and how they can help.

The world and I love you, and we want you to love yourself too!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

As a new mother, the mother may feel a greater sense of responsibility. As a novice mother, she may also feel overwhelmed by the challenges of parenting a child who is still developing and learning. It's understandable that with so much at stake, there can be a lot of energy and focus on the child, which might make it difficult to engage with other aspects of family life.

Perhaps there's a better way to release emotions.

The child in question has been experiencing a fever and cough for approximately 15 months. It is not uncommon for parents to feel distressed when their children are unwell, and it is not uncommon for them to wish they could be sick instead. In addition to caring for the child, which requires a significant investment of time and energy, negative emotions such as worry, anxiety, and unease are affecting the questioner's ability to live a normal life.

As a first-time mother, the topic master was aware that she lacked experience in caring for her child. The pressure and her own poor mood affected the topic master's mentality in dealing with things. After a disagreement with her husband, the topic master expressed her emotions towards her 15-month-old son.

The child was forced to turn his head a little to the side, and he continued to cry until he vomited. The subject's husband did not stop him, but he did say some rather unkind things to him, which only made matters worse. This is not what the subject wants.

It would be beneficial to understand the reasons for these overwhelming emotions.

It is evident that the questioner is aware of her emotions. Following each disagreement with her husband, she tends to express her negative emotions towards her children, as she struggles to find a way to release them. She is aware that this is not an ideal approach and that it causes her discomfort to see her children suffering. However, in the heat of the moment, she finds it challenging to control her actions.

It is important to note that postpartum depression in mothers can manifest at any point in the postpartum period. From the author's words, we can see that while the author was trying hard to learn how to be a good mother, her husband did not provide the support and understanding she needed to navigate the challenges of motherhood. The couple's relationship was not as harmonious as it could have been, and the family did not fully comprehend the difficulties the author was facing. All these factors contributed to the author's emotional state, and her long-term pent-up emotions also led to some negative thoughts.

I wonder why I am like this.

As I am still adjusting to becoming a mother, both physically and mentally, I am gradually learning to adapt. At this time, I am particularly grateful for the support and understanding of my family.

☀️Appropriate venting: After ten months of pregnancy, you welcome the birth of your baby with anticipation and trepidation. Faced with this new life, first-time parents may worry that they are not doing things right or that they are not doing enough. When communication is not possible, they may even worry that their baby will get sick. The constant worry and fear of taking care of their baby can put a lot of pressure on new mothers.

It would be beneficial for new mothers in this stage to have someone they can trust or a good listener to whom they can talk about their problems and emotions. A good listener can empathize with, understand, and comfort them, which can help them feel understood and accepted, and truly relieve their emotions.

It might be helpful to consider dividing responsibilities and tasks between family members. For example, the questioner's family could choose to divide the care of the baby between them. This approach could allow each family member to have their own time and space, while also teaching the participating husband to take responsibility.

To help you adjust your physical and mental state and return to normal life as soon as possible, it might be helpful to consider implementing a division of labor, focusing on yourself during your own time, and allowing yourself to arrange things freely or in a planned way. It's also important to remember that although there is a baby in your life, you are more fulfilled and happy, rather than feeling a sense of resistance that affects your control of your life.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to communicate with her husband about her emotional problems. If the couple is harmonious, it may be easier to solve the problems that trouble her. While she is relieving her emotions and adjusting her state of mind, she may also benefit from improving her relationship with her husband.

The questioner said that most of the time she is angry with her husband, which suggests there may be room for improvement in your communication. Your husband's performance may also not be meeting your expectations. In addition to lowering your expectations and being more understanding of your husband's limitations, you can also communicate with him more often. While arguments are not the biggest factor affecting relationships, it's important to address problems during an argument and find solutions.

In the process of communication, it may be helpful to first listen to your husband's thoughts and then calmly express your emotions. It's important to remember that emotions aren't always conveyed through volume. When we're feeling angry, we might unintentionally ignore our emotions, which can lead to misunderstandings. It's essential to communicate effectively to address issues and find solutions together.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. I wish them the best of luck!

Hello, my dear friend! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm so grateful to be able to offer you some advice.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're having some emotional challenges and feel like you have to argue with your husband. It's understandable that you take your anger out on your son and then blame yourself. It's natural to feel like you're a failure as a mother when you're going through this.

It's totally understandable to feel this way. We all love our kids and want the best for them. It's natural to feel like you're failing when you haven't found a way to adjust. But remember, you're not alone.

If you can just adjust this one little thing, it will have a really positive effect on your overall state of mind. It will help you to achieve a more harmonious relationship with your husband and a smoother relationship with your son.

I'm here to help! I'll walk you through some ways to analyze the situation and hopefully give you some helpful insights.

Your sweet little guy is now one year and three months old, which is still very young. Babies at this age really need their mommies' love and guidance until they're two years old.

I can see that it hurts you to think that this will hurt him so much. It's only natural to feel guilty and blame yourself, but you're doing a great job already!

If that's the case, I'd like to gently suggest that if you don't reconcile your inner emotions and your true self, your relationship with your son and your husband will likely continue to be strained.

I've got a little saying for you: if you feed your son really well and he eats well, you'll know he's full and satisfied. Have you ever felt like, if you let your son eat until he's full and satisfied, and then after getting angry with your husband, you do something to your son, and anyway, he'll feel bad about some of his behavior and throw up, which will make others feel sorry for you, or even make your husband give in all of a sudden?

Have you ever had these thoughts? It's totally normal to have them, but try not to dismiss them too quickly. We all want to get someone's attention, but sometimes we end up sacrificing our own health or the health of those around us, or even their interests.

So, let's look at your behavior towards your son in a positive light, shall we?

After we got married, I really started to think about others and how I could help. I have more responsibilities towards my family, my son, and I still retain the responsibilities as a daughter.

So after taking on so much responsibility, it's only natural that you'd feel the pressure. It's so important to learn how to think positively and deal with the difficulties you encounter in your current life.

Let's say you and your husband have a little disagreement. He might ask you, "Is this what you want?"

It's possible that he's already seen through your pattern of behavior from an outsider's perspective. It seems like you usually get angry with him, which unfortunately hurts your son.

Your husband has already seen through it, but you feel so overwhelmed by your emotions that you think no one understands you and no one is there to help you. It's totally understandable! You feel so aggrieved and upset that you want to let out all your anger, so that no one else feels sorry for you and you can make others suffer along with you.

I can imagine your inner subtext might be something like this:

If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to reach out. You can visit my personal homepage, ask me questions, tell me which of your questions I have guessed wrong and analyzed incorrectly, let's discuss together, and help you further plan your future direction. Then, we can continue to watch together.

Your mother is right there in the next room, you two live together, your husband sees things more clearly than you do, and your mother is also scolding you, saying that you are sick.

I can see you're feeling pretty upset. I know you might feel like you haven't done the best with your son, but it's not like everyone is blaming you.

It's totally okay to express your emotions in a reasonable way. I know you're trying your best, but right now, you don't have a good way to do that.

So, after a bit of searching, we found the problem. Now, I'd love to share some advice with you.

It's totally normal to feel like you can't control your emotions right now, and you're also experiencing chest pain. It's even been shown that when women get angry, it can cause problems such as nodules in the mammary glands and thyroid.

Anger can cause blood stasis, which is why you're experiencing these symptoms. So, how can you find a way to reconcile with yourself?

First of all, when you encounter difficulties, for example, your son has a slight torticollis, that is, his neck is crooked, you definitely want your son to be as handsome, beautiful, and standing upright as he can be.

But his torticollis is different from other people's, and we all want him to be happy and healthy. We also want him to be accepted by others, so we need to make sure he doesn't feel different or criticized.

At this time, it's important to remember not to force him, but to gently guide him to understand that this is uncomfortable and not good for his health. You can help him work on improving the problem of torticollis.

For example, he's still young and doesn't understand the grown-up words you say, but you can tell him, "Can you tilt your head to the left a little?" If he tilts his neck to the right, you can guide him to tilt his head to the other side, or talk to him more on that side.

Or you can go to a regular hospital to have your neck assessed for some neck support equipment. Then you and your son can say, "Mum really hopes you'll be healthy, that you'll be in good shape, and that your life will go more as you want it to."

These are your hopes and dreams for him, and you can tell him all about them. Just remember not to set any rigid requirements for him.

We also know that each individual is an independent entity. Even though he's still young, he has his own direction in life, and we're here to support him in that journey.

It's not that if we try to control him strongly, he will develop in the direction we want. Just as you and your husband are both adults, if you say that you are good to each other, or what are the bad habits of the other party, he will know. He knows everything, but he just says that his life may like this pattern at the moment.

He might know deep down that it's not the best idea, but at that moment, that's what he wants to do. For instance, he knows that drinking cola isn't the healthiest choice, but when he's feeling tired, he just wants to drink a whole bottle of cola to cheer himself up.

I know it can be tough, but we can't say that we want to improve our mood while drinking Coke, and we also blame ourselves. As I mentioned before, the mind and the heart are not on the same level.

So, you just need to adjust to this state of affairs. For example, if you're not so good at parenting, we can find books to help you out. If you're having trouble with your husband and some conflicts arise,

You're also welcome to learn from books or find us for consultation if you'd like.

As long as you make an effort to move forward and improve, your life will suddenly become clear. So don't be too hard on yourself! It's more about finding peace with yourself that truly achieves the unity of actions and the mind.

I really hope the above content is helpful to you. Also, please feel free to combine what I have said above, organize what you want to say, and click on my homepage to ask me a question.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you and wish you all the best!

Best wishes for the New Year, OP.

From your account, it is evident that your emotional state is affecting your daily life. You have stated that when you argue with your husband, you become so angry that you lose control of your emotions and hurt yourself. You have even expressed a desire to jump off a building with your son in your arms. The chest pains and splitting headaches you experience are a result of your anger, and your inability to sleep at night is also attributed to your anger. You have even stated that you feel like you are going to die from being so angry.

It is of significant concern that your emotions have a notable impact on your physical health.

Chest pain and headaches, as well as insomnia and extreme emotional distress, are physical and psychological reactions to extreme stress and emotional fluctuations. When people experience intense anger or stress, the body releases stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones can cause chest pain and headaches by increasing the heart rate and blood pressure and possibly triggering muscle tension.

Furthermore, stress can impair sleep quality, potentially leading to insomnia.

Prolonged emotional stress and conflict can also lead to the development or worsening of symptoms associated with anxiety and depression. These mental health issues can also contribute to the emergence or intensification of physical symptoms such as chest pain and headaches.

Should this persist, we advise seeking professional assistance at the earliest opportunity.

In regard to your second question, you indicated that you have difficulty controlling your emotions when you argue with your husband and take it out on your son.

This may be a form of emotional transference. When we have a conflict or disagreement with someone, our emotions may become highly charged. Sometimes, we may be unable to express our emotions directly to the other person, or we may be concerned that doing so will further exacerbate the situation.

In this case, it is possible that our emotions may be transferred unconsciously to other people or things, such as children.

It is not a productive approach to take out your frustrations on your child. Your awareness of the issue and desire to implement a solution are commendable first steps.

It is inappropriate to vent one's anger on one's child as a means of emotional release. This may be a result of the challenges and powerlessness individuals face when dealing with conflicts between adults.

The rationale behind this is that children are at a disadvantage in terms of physical strength and social status compared to adults. Consequently, adults may perceive it as a safer option to express their emotions in front of children, as they are unlikely to effectively respond or challenge.

It is also possible that we were taught as children to express our emotions towards individuals who are perceived as weaker than ourselves. This behavioural pattern may have been learned from parents or other family members.

Another potential explanation is that adults may be attempting to regain a sense of control and power by expressing their emotions towards their children.

This behavior may have a long-term negative impact on your child's mental health and emotional development. Given that the problem is likely to be less apparent at this stage of your child's life, it is important to seek a change in approach.

First, identify the emotions you are experiencing when problems arise. Take a moment to assess your emotional state. Ask yourself, from a place of sincerity, why you are angry and whether this emotion is related to your child.

If the issue is not related, it is advisable to redirect your attention as much as possible.

It is important to identify an appropriate outlet for your emotions. In this case, it may be more beneficial to express your frustration with your husband than with your child.

When faced with a stressful situation, it is often beneficial to temporarily step away from the immediate scene.

It is recommended that you communicate openly and honestly with your husband, engage in constructive dialogue, seek solutions to conflicts, and resolve arguments together. It is also recommended that you use "I" language to express feelings rather than accuse the other person.

As an illustration, expressing feelings of disappointment is more conducive to understanding and dialogue than stating that the other person consistently disappoints. It is important to avoid bottling up emotions.

In the event that your children are old enough to understand emotions and you inadvertently express your frustration towards them, it is advisable to apologize to them afterwards and clarify that their behavior is not a cause for blame.

It is important to set clear boundaries to ensure that both parties are aware of what is and is not acceptable behaviour, and to adhere to these boundaries in the event of a conflict.

It is important to maintain respect for the other person, even during periods of conflict. Insulting language or behavior should be avoided at all times.

It is my hope that this narrative will assist you as a couple in dealing with emotional conflicts in a more constructive manner, thereby promoting harmony and growth in your relationship.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all the best for the future.

Dear questioner,

Hello, my name is Liu, and I'm a physical listener.

I just want to say that you are an amazing mother! You have so much love and warmth in your heart. That's why you blame yourself so much, and why you get angry and saddened by the people around you. But you've already done a great job! You wrote down this confusion and hoped to get some answers. I can see that you are trying very hard to adjust your state of mind.

1. We all get stressed when we feel trapped in a situation where we're surrounded by people. It's only natural to feel low and anxious in these moments.

(1) Trigger effect: The words of her husband really got our emotions going.

Caring for children is a rare thing, and raising children is the responsibility of the whole family. Women are very, very tired before and after giving birth, and it consumes a huge amount of energy. At this time, you need the support and understanding of your partner. From your statement, it seems that your husband and you have had arguments, and you feel that you are at odds with him. You also have a lot of negative feelings building up. At this time, you also need to take care of and feed a sick and weak toddler. You are undoubtedly very tired, and our patience is wearing thin. This may then have an impact on the child, because there are so many things that are not going well, and you are at a loss as to what to do.

At this time, her husband said something to the effect that she just wanted to make the child feel uncomfortable. He may also have been implying that she was tormenting the people around her. At this time, her husband was sarcastic and stood by with folded arms as we were in such a chaotic state. We were already having a hard time, and her husband's words only made matters worse, evoking feelings of trauma in us.

(2) It's so sad when negative criticism from the previous generation of caregivers makes us feel more helpless.

Before we became mothers, we were also children, and we longed for the support of our elders. We really hoped that our situation would be understood. But when we turned to our elders for help, we were verbally attacked. It's so true that children can hurt you as much as they are loved. We may have longed for the care of a mother who is also a mother at a certain moment.

Your husband and mother have given you a definition – you are not a qualified mother. We can't help but feel guilty towards our children, and it's so easy to lash out at ourselves in anger. We keep beating ourselves up in our hearts, don't we?

(3) It's so important to remember that childbirth can have a big impact on our bodies and minds.

It's totally normal for your hormones to change a lot after you give birth. It's like your body is going through a lot of changes at once! This can take a while to get used to, and it might affect your sleep and other things. It's also not uncommon for moms to feel down or have other problems after having a baby. It's totally normal to feel like your emotions are all over the place!

2. We are so much more than just daughters, wives, and mothers. We are also ourselves, and that's a beautiful thing!

It's totally normal to feel angry with your husband. We all have expectations of our partners, and it's only natural to feel that your husband lacks empathy for you, especially when it comes to caring for the children. It's not fair to you, and you're under a lot of pressure. But, it's also important to recognize that our anger stems from within. We're angry with ourselves because we can't control our anger and we're taking it out on the children.

My dear friend,

I know that after the birth of a child, it's all too easy to neglect the part of us that belongs to ourselves. It's so urgent and important to take care of young children that we can end up suppressing our own pain and worries for a long time. What's even more worrying is that the same thing can happen to the people close to us.

You are a feeling that needs to be seen, my dear friend.

If you want to be a good mom,

We're afraid we have to reconcile with ourselves first, sweetie.

3. Based on what I know about your situation, I'd like to offer a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful for you. Please don't feel like you have to take my advice, but I really hope it can be of some help to you.

(1) It's so important to focus on your own health first, and to seek treatment, intervention, and adjustment in a timely manner.

It's totally normal to feel down after having a baby. It's also not unusual to feel exhausted for a while. But if you're experiencing headaches or chest pain, it's really important to take care of your health. It's a great idea to visit a medical professional for a full check-up. They can help you get back on track. If you're struggling with low mood, anxiety, depression, insomnia or even suicidal thoughts, it's really important to speak to someone. There are lots of people who can help.

It's so important to remember that we shouldn't be afraid to face our problems head on.

If we embrace the healing process, wonderful changes can happen!

(2) It might be helpful to try to communicate with our partners, and the most important thing is to take care of ourselves.

It's important to remember that the couple relationship has presented some challenges, and this has caused you a lot of internal conflict. You may find it helpful to communicate with each other. Negotiation is not something that should be done with mutually antagonistic emotions. Our goal is to reduce mutual disputes and obtain a warmer family atmosphere. This may require the joint efforts of family members, but I'm sure you can do it together!

Of course, if your husband refuses to change and refuses to communicate, we may have to try to first reduce the impact of disappointment caused by our own psychological expectations. It's okay to protect your own boundaries! When the other person tries to disturb your inner world, you can stand firmly on your own side. If you need emotional relief and catharsis, please don't repress your feelings. Talk to a mental health professional, and explore and grow in a safe environment. You've got this!

3. There's no need to be hard on yourself for what's already happened. Just try to focus on the present and engage in appropriate scientific self-regulation.

We can't live our whole lives feeling guilty. We have indeed lashed out at our children for some reason, but if we really want to change, the first thing is probably to let go of our imperfect selves. Some of the energy in our subconscious does need to be released, and going out and exercising appropriately may be expected to have a certain balancing effect.

If we just do our best and live each day as it comes, it'll be wonderful!

When you feel like taking it out on your child, take a deep breath and give yourself 10 seconds. Count to 10 in your head, and then we'll take care of the child and face the child again. You've got this!

And finally, if you ever have suicidal thoughts,

Please, don't hesitate to reach out for help. The crisis intervention hotline is there for you, so please call as soon as you can.

You are a precious being, and I truly believe that.

I truly believe that all clouds will eventually disperse and things will get better.

That's all I've got to say for now!

Thank you so much for reading!

I wish you all the best!

Hi, I'm Liu Quanyan, your listening therapist.

Please, don't hesitate to talk to me.