How can I help my wife if I know she has a kleptomaniac tendency?

Dear Question Asker, I am pleased to be able to respond to your query.

From the description provided by the questioner, it can be inferred that he holds a great deal of affection for his wife and is aware that she is experiencing psychological difficulties. He has sought the assistance of a professional platform to address these issues. When confronted with a mental illness, the probability of recovery is significantly enhanced when a person has the support and love of their family. Therefore, it is crucial for the questioner to maintain his belief in his loved one and to recognize that he will undoubtedly emerge from this challenging period with greater strength.

Let us now turn to an explanation of the reasons behind the behavior in question and its underlying causes. The initial assumption, based on the information provided in the description, is that the lover in question has a high income and savings, and is therefore not lacking in financial resources. This leads to the conclusion that the behavior in question can be attributed to kleptomania.

What, then, are the defining characteristics of kleptomania?

Kleptomania is defined by uncontrollable and recurring urges to steal items that are not for personal use or of significant economic value. The patient often discards the stolen items or surreptitiously returns them to their original location or hides them.

A certain cyclical pattern seems to emerge in the context of the urge to steal. When the level of tension associated with the urge reaches a certain threshold, the act of stealing is perceived as a means of achieving a sense of satisfaction. This, in turn, leads to a recurrence of the urge, which is then acted upon.

The items stolen by patients are predominantly items that are not utilized or possess minimal economic value.

Studies have confirmed that most kleptomaniacs have personality defects, such as being stubborn, competitive, selfish, and narrow-minded since childhood, and having a narrow range of social interactions. Another prominent characteristic is a strong sense of "revenge." Regardless of whether the provocation is a family member's scolding or a colleague's or friend's criticism, it is easy to generate a sense of revenge in their hearts, and this sense of revenge is often vented through stealing.

It has been demonstrated that individuals with kleptomania frequently initially experience a sense of retribution and a desire to retaliate against those who have caused them harm through the act of stealing. However, subsequent behavior does not appear to be directly associated with this form of retribution, but rather a consequence of established patterns of behavior.

In light of these observations, the questioner may engage in a productive dialogue with his wife regarding the underlying motives behind her stealing behavior. Is she driven by a desire for excitement, or is she grappling with psychological distress and attempting to find a means of coping? What are the potential sources of this distress? Are they rooted in her family of origin, her professional life, or other factors?

In the event that the wife of the questioner is reluctant to engage in communication with the questioner directly, it is recommended that the questioner seek the assistance of a qualified professional psychologist or counselor.

The question thus arises as to whether kleptomania can be cured. Can the questioner's lover be expected to improve?

It can be reasonably assumed that, provided the condition is diagnosed in a timely manner and appropriate psychological intervention is initiated, a successful outcome is achievable. During the course of treatment, the patient may also engage in self-correction at home.

Furthermore, the following section presents a series of straightforward recommendations for self-correction within the treatment framework:

Self-Correction

Individuals diagnosed with kleptomania can utilize aversion therapy to facilitate self-correction. One such method involves the application of pressure to a painful muscle, the inhalation of an odor perceived as disagreeable, or the performance of an action that causes discomfort (such as vomiting).

Should the family be able to cooperate in providing aversive stimuli to the subject's loved ones, this may facilitate the process of correction.

Nevertheless, it requires a robust determination and unwavering conviction to alter one's ingrained behaviors. Consequently, individuals diagnosed with kleptomania must prioritize perseverance and resolve throughout the corrective process.

If one is unable to guarantee that each instance of the urge to steal is accompanied by an aversive stimulus, it may impede the complete correction of the maladaptive behavior. Consequently, the patient must demonstrate perseverance.

If feasible, the questioner can also provide his wife with assistance to help her persevere. Naturally, the particular methodologies can be deliberated with your wife's attending physician or with the counselor who is conducting psychological interventions. The most crucial objective is to assist your wife in overcoming this behavior of not adequately expressing her emotions.

In summary, psychological addictions are treatable, and there are numerous documented cases of successful treatment. The support and encouragement of family members can also be beneficial.

It is my sincere hope that the topic author's partner will experience a swift and complete return to typical behavioral patterns.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to the individual who posed the question.

Hello. I can sense from your description that you are experiencing a range of intense emotions, including shock, confusion, and conflict.

If it weren't for the police station's involvement, it might be challenging to imagine that your wife would engage in theft.

Given that your wife earns more than you and has a lot of savings, it's understandable that you're struggling to comprehend why she would do such a thing.

In particular, when you consider your mother's remark that the family has inexplicably lost things and suspect that your wife may have stolen them, you begin to wonder if your wife has stolen things from the family and if she may have a mental illness.

From what I can see, you are a very rational person who cares about your wife's feelings. After learning some of your wife's dark secrets, you seem to be unsure about whether you can help her. You appear to be concerned that if you ask your wife directly, it might not solve the problem and could potentially lead to further hurt.

It would be beneficial to help your wife by finding out the truth.

It seems that the phone call to the police station and the wife's initiative to make amends have confirmed that the wife did indeed steal the cosmetics.

However, it is not yet clear whether your wife has stolen items from the house. Before you are fully aware of the situation, you may wish to set aside your initial assumptions and simply discuss the matter of the missing cosmetics with your wife.

It would be beneficial to listen to your wife's thoughts and find out what really happened.

It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your relationship with your wife.

It is likely that being caught stealing by the police is a very challenging experience, particularly given the potential for embarrassment or distress.

In times like this, people often feel panicked and vulnerable, and they may benefit from having someone they trust to stand up for them and support them.

However, as her lover and family member, your wife chose to respond to you with the explanation that she had found someone else's wallet. It seems that your wife may have some reservations about whether you can be trusted and accepted.

It might be worth noting that this could potentially have a detrimental effect on the ability to provide assistance to your wife. If she does not feel able to trust you, it may prove more challenging for her to open up and accept your help.

It would be beneficial to accept your wife unconditionally and allow her to believe that you can see, understand, and accept the real her, despite the challenges this may pose.

It might be best to leave professional matters to the professionals.

If your wife is struggling with some underlying psychological issues and is open to discussing her inner struggles,

It might be helpful to say that these behaviors are out of your control and unintentional, and that you are willing to cooperate with treatment and find the root of the problem to fundamentally solve your own pain. Perhaps you could consider taking your wife to professional psychological treatment.

It might be helpful to consider seeking the guidance of a professional psychologist, who could assist your wife in moving on from her past experiences and recognizing her true needs, thereby facilitating her healing process.

I hope this finds you well. Please accept my best wishes for a positive outcome.

Good day.

From what I can gather, the questioner is seeking to gain a deeper understanding of their loved one's behaviour. It seems they are trying to help their loved one to navigate their urgent feelings of love.

I would like to point out that in the original poster's description, there is a passage where your mother mentions that she noticed something missing from the house on two or three occasions. This has led her to suspect that it may have been stolen by one of you. However, I am not sure what was missing and whether it was of any value.

I would be grateful to hear whether you have suffered any significant losses or impacts as a result of this situation. Could I also invite you to share your thoughts and opinions on the matter of losing things repeatedly?

Could you please tell me how the matter was dealt with afterwards?

Or perhaps the matter was simply discussed between your mother and you once more, with your suspicions about this phenomenon being expressed, and then left unresolved.

Perhaps there's another way to handle this. For instance, when your mother first noticed something missing from her home, since you're family and have concerns, you could have simply asked her directly.

Perhaps you could ask your mother to kindly ask your lover, "Did you take something from my home? Did you use it?"

I was relieved to know that you used it. I remember that there was something here before, and then today I found that it was gone. Could you please tell me the whole story and your thoughts and feelings?

I believe that, as you are family, you probably live together. If you live together, you are all under the same roof and may use items together or be aware of situations and things together. If someone's personal belongings are used without permission and taken away by the other person,

From the perspective of a family, we can ask ourselves the doubts in our hearts, confirm some of our thoughts, and see what we could have shared together. We can consider using it together, or if it is something more personal and valuable, we can agree to use it next time, or if we need it, we can let the other person know and help each other within our abilities. Or we can suggest that if the other person likes it, we can give it to her.

I believe that this way of communicating is quite different from your private suspicions and discussions. I also think that the emotions involved in suspecting your lover of stealing something that has been lost in the house are quite distinct.

In addition, with regard to the incident of your partner taking someone else's cosmetics, including the fact that he used money in private to make compensation, it seems clear that he is aware that his actions were inappropriate and that he made amends afterwards. It is likely that he feels guilty and uneasy about it.

It is not advisable to hastily label your lover's behavior or to rush to conclusions. For instance, you may look up information and suspect kleptomania, which could be an inappropriate way of thinking and acting.

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling a lot of different things right now, like shock, anxiety, concern, and a strong desire to help your wife.

It's clear to me that you're a kind and caring husband. You mentioned that you received a phone call from the police station saying that your wife had stolen some cosmetics. Before that, your mother had said that something had been stolen from the house a couple of times and suspected that your wife had taken it. You didn't believe her because your wife earns more than you and has a lot of savings, so you think that your wife has kleptomania. You're looking for ways to help your wife.

I'd like to give you three pieces of advice that I think you'll find really helpful.

First of all, I really think you should try to have a good, honest chat with your wife.

The content of the communication has two aspects:

The first thing you can do is listen to her. Really listen. That way, you'll understand why she does it. And when you understand why, you can help her better.

The second thing you can do is have a chat with her about what kleptomania is. It's possible she doesn't realise it's a psychological issue.

Kleptomania is a condition that makes it hard for people to control their impulses. They often find themselves stealing without even planning to. They'll just grab whatever they can get their hands on! During the act of stealing, they feel a growing sense of pressure. After stealing, they feel a sense of pleasure or relief.

However, in your communication, it's important to be careful about the approach and style. Try to use more "I" statements and fewer or no "you" statements. The latter can make her feel rejected and blamed, which isn't helpful for communication. She may be suffering internally, and if she feels blamed again, it could be even more painful.

Of course, this doesn't mean she's right to steal. It's just that we need to look at the two things separately.

Secondly, I think it would be a great idea to give her some time and try to encourage her to face her problems head-on.

Once you've had a good chat with your wife, you'll probably understand why she's like this. It's so important to encourage her to face her inner problems head-on. People with kleptomania often use theft to regulate or cope with internal trauma or feelings of helplessness. They're just trying to find a substitute for love, which is totally understandable.

So, give her some time and help her see her own needs and the love she once lacked inside. She'll slowly change her way of thinking and stop using stealing to satisfy her lack of things.

She knows that although stealing can make her feel happy for a little while, it won't help her in the long run. She'll just end up feeling frustrated, powerless and guilty.

I really think you should help her rely on real relationships to form new habits.

For example, if you chat with her and find out that she always steals because she's longing for love, show her some extra love and attention. When she feels your love, she'll understand that you're there for her and that you'll make her happy.

You can also encourage her to try some other healthy ways to satisfy her inner sense of deprivation, such as sports, reading, etc. This could really help her to change.

You can also help her learn to take responsibility for her actions. When she feels the urge to steal, she can imagine the consequences. She might think about how her actions will be discovered, how the other person will call the police, or how her reputation will be affected. After picturing these outcomes, she may feel less inclined to steal.

Of course, if none of the above suggestions work, you can also take her to a professional and authoritative hospital for diagnosis, where the doctors will also give her some targeted treatment.

I just want to let you know that you can do something to change the situation. When you start taking action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally be resolved slowly. I know it can be tough, but sometimes the enemy of various negative emotions is action. You've got this!

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one conversation.

Good day.

I am grateful for the opportunity to provide you with some guidance.

From your description, it is evident that you initially found your wife's stealing behavior unacceptable. You felt that your wife was so good in your eyes and were perplexed by this situation. However, you also demonstrated great respect for her. Furthermore, you conducted a thorough online search for information about the possibility that this behavior was caused by a mental illness.

Your wife is fortunate to have a husband who respects her past and can objectively assess her current actions and behaviors. In light of the situation you described regarding your wife's alleged theft of cosmetics, it's important to clarify that her actions did not constitute a complete theft and subsequent return without compensation. Instead, she discreetly paid the other party for the item, which demonstrates her willingness to rectify the situation.

I believe we can use the motive of stealing and the feeling after a successful theft as an entry point for discussion. Given that her salary is higher than yours and she is not lacking in money, it would be beneficial to understand why this phenomenon exists.

When your wife committed the act of stealing, it may be related to her original family. It may be because when she was young, she hoped her parents would meet some of her material needs, but her parents did not do so quickly, so she chose to steal, which became a habit. When she was young, she may not have understood that it was stealing, but just felt that taking things satisfied her desires. As she grew up, she came to understand that it was stealing.

Therefore, even if she commits a theft, she will pay for it privately and experience guilt. She returned to inform you that she found someone else's wallet, not that she stole cosmetics.

She is concerned that you may disapprove of her actions and is therefore attempting to conceal the truth from you.

Given the circumstances, I believe you understand that her intentions and motives are not what she intended. It is likely due to her family of origin. You should then speak with your wife and inform her that you are aware of the truth but will refrain from criticizing her. Instead, you should address the issue together and provide support to help her cope.

We adopt an approach that views her as a starting point, with the understanding that the other party can and will open their heart to us. This is in contrast to the tendency to hide oneself again and again, which only serves to exacerbate feelings of guilt. If this continues for a long time, it will inevitably lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

Firstly, we must inform her that the current situation is within your acceptable range and that you are willing to help her. Secondly, we must ascertain whether she also wants to change. It would be ideal if you could reach a consensus so that we can employ a variety of methods to find the most appropriate way to help her.

It would be beneficial to discuss with her the situation in her biological family, as well as the sense of accomplishment she gets after stealing something, or just the feeling that she wants to get this thing. If she really needs it, we can assist her in finding her inner love in her daily life and help her achieve it. This will help alleviate her current situation.

I hope you can find a suitable solution based on further honest communication. If my suggestions above are not helpful, you may wish to seek professional psychological counseling to gain a deeper understanding of her true inner needs.

I hope you can find ways to improve your situation and move towards a better future.

I wish you the best of success.

Should you wish to continue the conversation, please click on the "Find a Coach" link in the top right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will then be happy to communicate with you further.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Dear questioner,

I am grateful for our encounter!

From the questioner's topic of asking for help, "My wife has a kleptomania, how can I help her?," I sense a high level of self-awareness and a sense of powerlessness and helplessness. At the same time, I perceive a genuine desire to help and a willingness to seek professional assistance for his wife. In light of these observations, I would like to share my reflections and thoughts in the hope that they might offer some inspiration and guidance to the questioner.

I wonder if I might ask you to consider the following:

Let's take a moment to consider the specific circumstances described by the questioner and try to interpret and analyze them.

Yesterday, the police station called to inform me that my wife had been accused of stealing cosmetics. My wife had made amends behind my back and, upon returning, informed me that she had picked up someone else's wallet. Due to a couple of inexplicable instances of misplacement in our home, my mother had suspected my wife of stealing. I was taken aback. My wife is the primary income earner in our family and has accumulated significant savings. I was initially incredulous until the police station called yesterday. I researched the matter online and came across the possibility of a psychological illness. How can I best support my wife in her recovery?

From the concise and straightforward account presented in the inquiry, I was prompted to consider a number of points.

[1] The police station called, and my wife compensated the other party privately, which seems to indicate that there may be evidence that "theft" constitutes a legal element.

[2] In this regard, the wife's explanation to the questioner was that she "found someone else's wallet..." It's possible that the wife "converted the topic of admitting to stealing" in order to satisfy her own "self-esteem." It seems that the wife still has a sense of "shame" about losing face, and it's possible that she may be suffering from a psychological disorder in the category of "conduct disorder."

[3] My wife is not lacking financially, as her salary is higher than the questioner's and she has accumulated savings. It is therefore unclear why she would resort to theft. It may be that the issue is not the act of stealing itself, but rather a traumatic experience.

[4] Given that this is a mental illness, it would be beneficial to seek a solution from the source.

Given the constraints of the description of the request, we could perhaps consider responding to the question posed by the questioner from the following perspectives:

Firstly, it would be beneficial for the questioner and his family to psychologically accept his wife's "real behaviour" and gain a deeper understanding of it.

It would be beneficial to first understand the fundamental difference between a "real thief" and a "pathological thief."

One distinction between the two is that a thief typically seeks valuable items, whereas a "pathological thief" may not have a specific need for the things they steal. Instead, they may be driven by a subjective desire to "steal" and the pleasure this brings, with the aim of satisfying their psychological needs.

At the same time, it seems that the reason why "pathological stealing" occurs is because she has an urge to steal in her heart. This urge is very strong and she may find it difficult to control it herself. Since it is considered a disease, I believe my wife is also an innocent "victim".

Secondly, it is believed that acceptance by the questioner and his family is a prerequisite for change. It is thought that seeking professional help is the only viable way forward, as only those who know shame can be brave.

1. In reality, those who are perceived as thieves are often disliked by others. If someone is known to steal, it is not uncommon for others to avoid them. However, there are instances where individuals may exhibit a tendency to steal despite having the means to afford it. This behavior may not be intentional, and it is often associated with a psychological condition known as kleptomania.

It would be beneficial for family members to accept their wives' "psychopathic tendencies."

2. If it is a stubborn case of kleptomania, it is considered a kind of mental illness. Such people may find it difficult to control their urge to steal, even if they get caught. They may even continue to do so next time, and it can be challenging for them to change. They are different from ordinary thieves, who steal things for money, and they just want to get a sense of psychological satisfaction.

It would be advisable to treat this type of person with respect to avoid more serious consequences.

3. Based on extensive research, it is commonly understood in clinical practice that individuals with kleptomania often exhibit unhealthy psychological traits, including a tendency to be stubborn and selfish since childhood. They often have a strong sense of revenge, and regardless of whether it is a relative or a friend who has criticized them, they may feel unhappy and desire to retaliate and express their feelings. This type of person often vents through stealing, and although it may seem that the two are not closely related, it is a fixed pattern for them, and the "acquisition or development" of this pattern is not their fault.

4. There are a number of ways in which kleptomania can manifest.

It is important to note that this stealing behavior cannot be controlled and is recurring. If it persists over time, it may eventually lead to psychological perversion.

It is worth noting that theft is often impulsive and unpremeditated, and is frequently carried out alone, rather than in a group.

It is important to note that kleptomania can develop gradually and may become more severe over time. It is a challenging condition to address and requires significant energy and time.

It is also worth noting that many patients may have underlying personality defects or other issues that could be contributing to their condition.

5. It would be advisable to consider the following approach in addressing kleptomania:

It is worth noting that kleptomania is often associated with a range of factors, including family dynamics and personal growth experiences. It tends to affect women more frequently, often becoming more pronounced during the teenage years, around the age of 17-20. It is always advisable to seek the guidance of a professional clinical psychiatrist, and it would be beneficial to discuss the matter with your wife.

It is worth noting that "kleptomania" is not typically related to family living conditions or education level. To gain a deeper understanding of the issue, it may be helpful to explore it from the perspective of your wife's family of origin.

As a psychological disorder, there is currently no corresponding medication available.

It might be helpful to consider professional psychological counseling as a way to improve your situation. Some have suggested that kleptomania is not a source of pleasure for those who experience it, and that it will eventually cease to be a problem. If you feel so inclined, you might also benefit from exploring ways to strengthen your relationship with your wife and find shared interests and hobbies that will bring you both joy.

I hope my response to the questioner's confusion will be of some positive and helpful assistance to them.

I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to see how you're doing.

I am a person of one heart, sunshine, the world, and I love you. I hope this message finds you well.

Hello.

You seem confused and unsure of what to do. You want to help the other person get better, and you're a great lover for trying.

From my reading in a psychology book, I know that children who have a lot of toys and snacks at home will still take things from the supermarket or steal in some places because their parents have never given them the opportunity to make their own free choices. This means that children will steal to express their dissatisfaction with their parents.

Make your disapproval clear.

She may also be feeling her parents' indifference and wrongdoings, just like the high school girl in "The Psychologist." She may be trying to ease the atmosphere and get her parents' attention with a common goal, which is why she's stealing.

From your description, I can't determine which of these two situations your partner is in. However, I can give you some reference suggestions based on these two points and a direction for improving the situation.

Give her positive attention.

Pay more attention to her, discuss things with her, and ask for her opinion. Respect her.

Give her the right to choose, just like a parent would.

She stole cosmetics, despite her salary being much higher than yours.

She has never had the power to make free choices since she was a child. She's using this method in her marriage to be seen, and she's counting on you to satisfy this small need and desire of hers.

For now, be more tolerant of her and accompany her when she goes shopping to choose the things she likes. You still need to learn together and make progress together.

Let her realize the problem while you are being tolerant of her. You will slowly heal yourself through the marital relationship and your interactions with it, and establish a new way of perceiving.

Read Wu Zhihong's books on intimate relationships: "Why Family Hurts," "Why Love Hurts," and "Dreams Know the Answer." They explain where problems in a relationship between the two genders originate. Analyze the situation and learn how to solve the problem. See past the facts, live in the present, and transcend your past self.

Become a better person.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. The world and I love you!