How do you balance the two dimensions of emotion and strength in interpersonal relationships?

Dear Sir/Madam, It appears that you are encountering challenges in your interpersonal relationships. You consistently perceive the manner in which you currently engage in interpersonal relationships as inadequate. Moreover, you are acutely aware of this dissatisfaction and may even be monitoring the gains and losses along the way. This feeling of wanting to discard it but being unable to alter it is undoubtedly distressing.

We will endeavor to gain a deeper understanding of your world and to provide additional support.

It is recommended that you deepen your experience and identify your true inner expectations.

I am curious to know whether you have considered the gains and losses of your interpersonal relationships along the way. It would also be interesting to know whether you have come to prefer going back to the immature childhood days. If so, I would be interested to hear your views on what the biggest difference between that era and other eras is.

Do you find that, despite your limited knowledge at the time, you were able to express your authentic self without reservation? What was that experience like? Was it an example of the balance between emotion and strength that you have previously discussed?

You indicate that you currently "suppress" your emotions and "withdraw completely" after a brief period of time together. It appears that neither of these behaviors aligns with your authentic self. "Withdrawing" is not a deliberate action, but rather the outcome of an internalized weighing of the pros and cons. Is this consistent with your actual experience?

If this is indeed the case, then it can be posited that the true inner expectation of human relationships is not balance, but rather the shedding of pretense and the embracing of authenticity.

Is it feasible to cease evading the tangible reality of the world, which is incongruent with the idealized version of it that one desires?

In reflecting on your experiences of social interaction, you have noted both the presence of admirers and the emergence of adversaries. You have interpreted these experiences as indicative of a larger, metaphorical "wheel of fortune" that is in constant motion. You have also acknowledged that these experiences may be perceived as somewhat juvenile, yet you maintain that they are nevertheless grounded in reality. I am curious to know whether such a tangible, authentic junior high school exists.

Please describe the circumstances that led to your decision to "withdraw" and the events that have caused you to "repress" your true self from that time until now. In what ways has this repression affected you?

I would like to encourage you to explore this concept further.

It can be assumed that the aforementioned approach to social organization, which often results in the isolation and formation of adversarial relationships, is not viewed favorably. However, it is perceived as a fundamental aspect of the social landscape, one that is difficult to alter. Consequently, individuals may choose to adapt to this reality, which could be seen as a form of compromise or escape.

One might be forgiven for assuming that the "truth" is something that can be avoided. However, it is important to accept that there are rules in this world that one does not like, and then to stick to one's own way, fearlessly.

Throughout our lives, we seek out a limited number of individuals with whom we can establish a sense of resonance and connection. In this pursuit, maintaining clear boundaries is crucial.

In the present moment, one may free oneself and make more friends, but one may also encounter individuals whom one does not appreciate. At this time, one may choose to "quit." One can attempt to reflect on the matter. Each of us is an independent entity in the world, with our own principles of interaction and way of thinking. It is not a negligible probability to encounter individuals who are different from us, or even individuals whom we greatly disapprove of. It is not a prudent choice to give up because of one minor issue.

It is possible to focus on people who can resonate with you. It is beneficial to get to know them and provide each other with strength. In the case of individuals whose values differ from yours, it is advisable to regard them as mere passers-by in your life and to avoid amplifying their role.

Such individuals are real, but they need not be permitted to enter one's world. It is important to maintain boundaries.

The world is open to those who resonate with the same frequency; there is no need to exclude those who have different aspirations.

Given that the world and I hold you in high regard, it is incumbent upon you to reciprocate this sentiment and extend the same regard to the world and to yourself.

Hello, host. I am confident that my answer will be of some help to you.

The host describes his own growth experience and feels like returning to the state of primary school, where you can express your true self, show your strength, and also express tenderness at the same time. In other words, you want to achieve a state of emotional and physical balance, right?

The goal of studying psychology is to achieve a state of true and consistent expression.

We can achieve that state and achieve the balance between "strength and emotion" that you mentioned.

We don't want to express ourselves authentically. We can do it to express ourselves authentically. Our past experiences influence us. We are often afraid to express ourselves. We suppress our emotions and needs to protect ourselves, which makes us feel powerless.

So, what should we do? My advice is clear:

We must identify the root cause of our fear of self-expression and confront our deepest fears.

We must ask ourselves why we suppress our emotions in relationships. We must also ask why we are afraid to express our true feelings.

Expressing our true feelings is the only way to fulfill our needs. Repressing our emotions only leads to a loss of power.

We suppress our emotions and refrain from expressing our true feelings because we want to gain the approval and affirmation of others. But what needs do we really want to satisfy?

Once you understand the reason behind your behavior, you can begin to change it.

At the same time, we can reflect on whether what we fear is real. It's not necessarily as scary as we think. If we express ourselves, the other person may not reject us.

2. Engage in selective socializing and establish a sense of security in social interactions.

Let's get one thing straight. You don't have to make everyone like you. And you can't make everyone like you. Even if you're the best person in the world, there will still be people who like you and people who don't. It's a simple fact. You don't have to change yourself for people who don't like you. But you do have to live your life for the people who like you.

People are social creatures and we absolutely need to have some interpersonal relationships.

You can see that some people in your family and friends group are your best friends. You feel comfortable with them and can say anything to them, even things you're embarrassed about. You don't worry that they'll criticize you, think you're bad, dislike you, or leave you. This is what we call a supportive relationship. It makes your heart more stable, peaceful, and joyful. You can get a lot of warmth and support from such relationships.

We will also meet other people with whom we may feel scared, fearful, cautious, or afraid of upsetting them, of them not liking us, or of them leaving us. These relationships are not supportive, and in them we will become increasingly self-defeating and dislike ourselves more and more. We must not allow this to happen.

In our future relationships, we must seek out supportive relationships and spend more time with people who make us feel comfortable. We must establish a sense of security in social interactions.

3. Be confident and express yourself.

Confident people don't just vent their anger. They stand up for themselves and ask harassers to change their behavior. They express their dissatisfaction rationally, fight for their rights, and refuse other people's requests.

However, people who lack confidence will show anger and aggression. They often feel like losers, forced into a submissive position, and have a lot of anger. In addition, they can also be aggressive towards those who obey them, and find it difficult to get along with others as equals.

Let me be clear: an irritable person hopes to win by force and threats. A confident person, on the other hand, hopes to achieve a certain result without forcing others to submit and is willing to reconcile.

When we become confident, we can behave more rationally. We can stop being angry and aggressive. We will understand that getting along with others does not have to be like a battle with winners and losers. We just need to stick to our own ideas and not attack others.

I'll tell you how.

We can see our own strengths and value by accepting and understanding ourselves, giving ourselves positive psychological suggestions, affirming ourselves, and setting small goals that we can accomplish and working hard to achieve them. In this process, you will accumulate a sense of accomplishment and value, your abilities will continue to improve, and your perception will also upgrade accordingly. At that time, your inner strength will gradually increase, and you will naturally become more and more confident.

I also believe that we should release emotions in a suitable way, rather than suppressing or exploding them. Only by promptly releasing emotions will they not have too great an impact on us.

You can choose many ways to release emotions. Go see nature, do sports, listen to Dong Yuhui's lecture (you'll feel everyone is connected by common humanity), listen to music, read books, write about your feelings and thoughts.

I firmly believe that when our inner strength is enhanced and our inner being can support consistent expression, we can achieve the kind of "full and unrestrained" state we desire.

Best wishes!

Hello! I can see that you're struggling to find a balance between expressing your emotions and maintaining your strength. You've had different relationships at different stages of your life, and you're looking forward to returning to the kind of relationship you had as a child, where you can balance your emotional and physical states. You want to stop suppressing yourself, and you also want to feel more comfortable handling your relationships. I understand you very much, and I'm here to help.

First, when you were a child, you were so open and honest. You didn't care what others thought, and you never tried to fit in with the crowd. You were free as a bird! You were so happy, and you lived in a really comfortable, carefree state of mind. You have such happy memories from that time.

Second, during your teenage years, you would often challenge others and develop some skills in forming cliques and excluding others, which showed your strong aggression. However, because you struggled to reconcile and repair relationships, you were once disliked by everyone and felt hurt.

Third, you really want to get the attention and recognition of others, but you don't know how to maintain relationships. You don't want to hurt others, but you also don't want to hurt yourself. So in high school, you tried your best to suppress your aggression. You changed your social patterns, closed yourself off, and as a result, you didn't have any friends in high school and you were very lonely.

Fourth, when you were in college, you decided to change your social patterns. You were so enthusiastic and proactive, and you were really friendly, hoping to make friends. But in reality, your true inner state was to look down on those who were weak. You felt that your external appearance and your true feelings were contradictory, so you withdrew from interpersonal relationships again.

You're not sure what to do, whether to keep withdrawing or to go out and engage in social activities, which can be really tough. I'm here to help!

First, I can see that you are enthusiastic and proactive in your relationships, which is a wonderful and commendable trait. There is a golden rule in psychology and interpersonal relationships: "Treat others as you would like to be treated." If you want to be recognized and receive help and understanding from your friends, then you must first help and understand others.

Friendship is a two-way street, and so are human emotions. You get back what you put in.

Second, I can see that you have had a love of confrontation and a strong aggressive streak since childhood. This is actually a good thing in a boy, which shows that you are a powerful person. However, your strength is more expressed in aggressiveness, you value winning and losing, you are not good at repairing relationships, you have conflicts with others, you have no way to reconcile, you lack the skills to turn enemies into friends, or you don't know how to set boundaries in friendships. I'm sure you can turn this around!

I think it would be really great for you to make friends with people you really like and admire. Look for people who have a good balance of emotions and strength. Think about people who are really great at interacting with others and learn from them. Be honest, treat people as equals, and focus on your strengths and avoid your weaknesses.

Third, your heart might look down on others because of their weakness. It's possible you might have a perception that weakness is useless and a failure.

It's so important to remember that everyone has their own value, even those who might seem weak. They have their own strengths and merits too. We all have parts of ourselves that we find challenging, and it's okay to accept that. It's also okay to accept the weaknesses of others.

I really think it would help you to get to know yourself again. Think about what kind of person you are, what kind of life you like best, what kind of people you like to spend time with most, and how you see yourself, others, and the world. You can even write it all down and read it back to yourself! It'll help you understand yourself better.

There are lots of lovely listening teachers on the Yi Xinli platform. When you're feeling down, why not have a chat with a teacher to help you feel better? You can also try some mindfulness meditation and breathing exercises to help you relax and become more aware of yourself. I really hope you can grow up better, relearn to manage your interpersonal skills, and good luck to you!

Dear questioner, It seems like you're struggling to find balance in your relationships, especially when it comes to emotional growth and inner strength. Initially, you might have a lot of strength and be very tolerant of others, but over time, that tolerance might change.

This is the issue that's causing you distress.

First of all, most of us had a strong sense of power when we were in primary school. Kids at that age are usually pretty simple, so they're not afraid of getting hurt and therefore have a very strong sense of power. As we get older, we start to think differently and have different perceptions of things.

As you mentioned, in middle school, you would do things to isolate your classmates. This is also because we would receive rebellious ideas during adolescence, and we would do things that are not conducive to unity. Of course, as you grow older, you gradually become more stable, stop doing rebellious things, and let yourself slowly settle down. You reduce useless socializing, and of course, you feel that you don't have many friends. You want to have a friendship and establish interpersonal relationships, but you feel that you don't have the strength to handle interpersonal relationships well and be tolerant of others.

That's why you're feeling a little confused right now.

This is totally normal. We all feel differently at different stages and it's natural to feel a bit confused when we're in different relationships. So I'm going to learn how to handle relationships, build good relationships and maintain them.

How do you build relationships?

First, be brave and express yourself to others. I think you treat others with great enthusiasm, which is a great quality. Your initiative and enthusiasm will also make the other person feel warm.

They'll also feel close to you and trust you. That's why they'll be open with you about their shortcomings and inadequacies.

Of course, some of these shortcomings are unacceptable to you, so we have to see if they're deal-breakers—if they violate morality or the bottom line of principles. If none of these apply, can we help them make an effort to break through and correct these shortcomings?

Second, we need to remember that everyone has flaws. We all have flaws. When we spend time with someone, we accept them for who they are, right? So, we try to accept others, but we also need to accept their flaws.

Third, learn to communicate. If there are some things about the other person that you don't like, you can try to tell them. Of course, you have to think about whether they'll be open to hearing it. Be as tactful as you can, and choose your words carefully. If they think it's a bad thing, you can suggest ways they could improve.

How can we keep our relationships strong?

It's pretty straightforward to get a relationship off the ground, but it takes effort from both people to keep it going.

First of all, companionship is what keeps most of our relationships going strong. We might not be able to offer the help the other person needs when they're facing challenges, but companionship and active listening are also a kind of strength and a way to maintain relationships.

Secondly, communicate and express yourself more. All relationships actually require communication and expression from us. Sometimes a small thing, a small misunderstanding, if we don't communicate and express ourselves in time, it will create a gap, a misunderstanding, and the relationship will be lost.

If there are problems, it's important to communicate and express yourself in a timely manner. Talking things out and resolving issues is a better way to maintain a relationship.

Third, don't ignore the other person's feelings. Sometimes, because we get along well with each other, we may often ignore the other person and their feelings. So sometimes we also need to pay attention to the other person and their feelings, otherwise ignoring the other person will make the other person feel insecure and misunderstandings will arise.

You also mentioned that you have some friends of the opposite sex because they enjoy discussing relationships. For women, companionship is often a key need, and your companionship is a valuable asset.

As for guys, they may sometimes need to solve problems. When you feel that you are unable to offer the other person a solution or perspective, you might think that it is because you lack the strength. In fact, it is not that you lack strength; it is just that you really don't have a good solution to this problem. At this time, you can tell the other person, "Although I am unable to offer any advice on this matter, I will support your decision. This is also an expression of strength."

I think that often, it's not that you don't have the strength, it's just that you may not be very good at expressing yourself. So don't think that you lack strength. I think you're still a pretty warmhearted and kind person.

Learning to express yourself, having a way to give a way, and no way to express it. This isn't a sign of weakness. It just means that you, like him, don't have a solution to the problem.

I hope this is helpful to you. I love you and I think the world loves you too.