How do you prove yourself when you are bound by a system that judges you as "not good enough"?

Good day, You have had a relatively uneventful journey from junior high school to doctoral studies. During your doctoral studies, you were considered mediocre by the evaluation system. You feel that you have had some successes, but at the same time, you know that you are a capable person.

You believe that doing meaningful things is what makes someone outstanding, but you haven't yet identified the specific areas of focus that will allow you to achieve that level of distinction. You see the swift passage of time, and you don't want this prime of your youth to be labeled "mediocre" by others. You want to prove yourself.

From your description, it seems that you have allowed yourself to become somewhat detached from your studies since the incident with your family in your junior year of high school. You also mentioned that you enjoyed the progress you made when you studied, but when you discovered that your family didn't care, it seems that you lost sight of your own happiness.

We are unable to speculate on the "change" you mentioned, but we can surmise that this "change" is somewhat related to the fact that your family does not care about your academic progress. This has led to a loss of joy in your progress, and in turn, a loss of the internal drive to make progress.

In other words, your sense of fulfillment stems from the recognition of your family, and your perception of value is also influenced by this. Your efforts and accomplishments are not solely for your own benefit.

Please define the term "value."

Everyone has intrinsic value, and everyone can also be a source of value for others. When someone else values me and I wholeheartedly agree, I lose a part of my own value, and my identity becomes less clear.

The present self is contingent upon the past self, and thus, both are mutually valuable. Similarly, the future self is contingent upon the present self, and thus, both are mutually valuable.

The mere existence of the self is a value in itself.

You stated that you spend all day and night reading novels, which you find enjoyable. Someone once said that procrastination is like building up strength in preparation for a powerful strike. What are your thoughts on this?

Perhaps it is the ability to experience happiness through a sense of self-acceptance, or it could be that there is another possibility: the sense of substitution gained from reading novels, which allows for an intimate experience of joy.

You stated that you are not concerned with any awards and that you are not interested in them at all.

Please describe your feelings about being the top-performing student in junior high school. If you were to win an award at this time, how would you expect your future self to feel about it?

"I will be happy when I can make my family, friends, and teachers happy." This is the joy of interpersonal communication. "Relationships" are like a mirror, in which one can see one's own position. When we can't see ourselves, it may be that we have disconnected ourselves from the relationship.

There is a common saying that "the world we see is an internal projection of ourselves." Therefore, as long as I feel good about myself, the outside world's opinion of me is of little consequence.

You stated, "Even though they consider some individuals to be exceptional, I do not." This appears to reinforce the original assertion.

You have your own value system, and you feel that doing meaningful things is what makes you outstanding. However, this kind of outstandingness seems to be unable to bring you the same level of recognition from others as your achievements, resume, and awards.

Is excellence defined by external standards or by one's own self-perception?

"Youth in your 20s should be beautiful." Please define what you understand by the term "beautiful." What is the difference between "beautiful" and "perfect"?

I am comfortable with the idea of failure and am able to rebound from it. I set my own standards for success and do not require external validation.

I recognize that this analysis may be somewhat limited in scope. However, I hope that it will prove useful to you to some extent.

At Yixinli, we value our customers and strive to provide exceptional service.

Dear question asker,

Perhaps you can sense some of the contradictions within yourself.

You feel you may not be considered outstanding enough, but studying at a top university and doing a PhD are results that many would consider to be the achievements of only the most privileged children.

Perhaps you feel that you don't know the meaning of life, but I sense that you believe meaningful activities bring you joy. It seems that the current evaluation system may not align with your perception of meaningful pursuits.

It could be said that there is a difference in the driving force behind doing something on one's own initiative and doing it passively. One could be considered an internal driving force, while the other might be seen as an external driving force.

Many people today have a perception of what it means to live an outstanding life. This often involves getting into a famous school, graduating with a doctorate, publishing papers, and perhaps getting a good job in the future, marrying an outstanding girl, and so on. However, it's possible to be very good at these things without necessarily liking them.

These are all external factors that influence our actions. We may feel afraid of falling behind or of being too different, which can lead to feelings of anxiety.

When one is truly passionate about something, external encouragement is not necessary. One is driven by their own love and enthusiasm for the task at hand.

In reality, however, our lives are not driven solely by one thing. For example, Grandpa Yuan Longping researched rice with his own ambitions. As you mentioned, this was the meaning he found in his life. At the same time, there were external expectations, the needs of the country and the people, to end hunger and hold the rice bowl in their own hands.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to seek and find meaning in our lives, and to give meaning to ourselves.

Perhaps, just as when you post an article, there may be an element of compulsion in the process, and you may feel pressure to post it. Could it be that those studies really aren't interesting to you at all? Could it be that those studies really aren't meaningful?

At one time, the R&D staff of a medical device company were not as motivated as they could have been. They were taken to interview users, and they came to understand that the products they had created could potentially save lives. They felt that they had done something meaningful.

Perhaps what you are doing now is meaningful, even if you haven't yet recognized it.

It is worth considering that the evaluation system is in the eyes of others. Could it be that what they consider to be outstanding is not always truly outstanding? We might reflect on the case of the man in the Google wife murder case, for example. He had an outstanding resume, but he was a murderer.

In ancient times, people also looked for both ability and integrity when selecting candidates. It might be said that a good person is not necessarily someone who is beneficial to society.

If we want to make the world a better place, we should focus on being truly beneficial to society.

Perhaps we should ask ourselves whether being good or outstanding is really that important.

It is possible that an excessive focus on results may inadvertently result in the neglect of relationships. It could be argued that it is in relationships that we find the meaning and happiness of life, in the connections we form with the world and with other people.

Could I suggest that the ultimate goal of living is happiness?

I think we can all agree that we should try to be more open-minded.

Hello!

A pat on the shoulder.

"What if you want to prove yourself despite being judged as 'not good enough'?"

The questioner is very good and feels that there is no problem. Life sometimes cannot find meaning, but the questioner feels that after studying and working hard for a long time, they suddenly cannot find any other meaning.

If that's true, our efforts are pointless. We work to meet other people's expectations. So, our efforts don't really matter.

Why do we still have to work so hard?

I think the answer is that everyone may have found a sense of self in the process of working hard.

It can be to become better.

Or

Sometimes, you just need to find something to do to make the day go by smoothly. That's a kind of meaning too.

There are many types of meaning. Everyone feels and thinks differently, and their feelings and ideas about the world are different. This period is unique and the meaning of the difference.

We often think that if we please others, we're living a meaningful life. But is that really true? Think for yourself, but don't just follow other people's ideas. There's a difference.

Everyone is affected by their growth experiences. An imperfect childhood brings an imperfect feeling. We sometimes pursue a sense of value and meaning to prove ourselves. What impact will it have if we accept ourselves as we are?

Think about this question. You may reject it because you were not happy in the past. In the future, I may hope to be more powerful or have a plan to gain happiness. Then becoming better is a better resource and motivation.

I haven't taken any action and I haven't achieved my goal. How can I say I'm defined by the past, present, and future? Isn't this just in my imagination?

So, reading novels and getting practical results can be a better way to feel and be influenced. We live in a real world with real problems. But people are overwhelmed by too much information, and it makes them confused. We can't tell the difference between the present and the future, so we can't tell the difference between our emotions. Do they come from the past, the present, or the future?

I hope this helps you think differently about the problem. If you're still anxious, plan your schedule before graduation to help you graduate better. Then, plan what you want to do after graduation. Within a year, set goals and start making plans to see if your feelings of unrest and confusion about meaning still exist.

I hope this helps!

Best wishes!

Good day. I am grateful for the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

The original poster has written at length to express their confusion, often feeling that they cannot find the meaning of life. They often care about what other people think, and when making choices about the direction of their lives and their future, they often rely on external evaluation systems rather than what they really want in their hearts.

You were quite gifted when you were young, but your parents may not have fully recognized your talents or provided the encouragement you needed to flourish.

☀️ As children, we all relied on our parents for survival, so it's natural that we care a lot about what they think of us and are willing to cater to their evaluations to develop ourselves. This is a stage that everyone must go through in the growth process.

If parents respect our individual nature enough, we may gradually become stronger and learn to live for ourselves.

☀️If we are not so fortunate and do not have the opportunity to meet such enlightened parents, it can be challenging to maintain our true selves and find the life we desire.

☀️So, when we realize this, it could be a good place to start the healing process. You might like to consider being your ideal parent, nurturing and nourishing yourself again, allowing yourself to slowly find your true self, returning to your true heart, and gradually finding the meaning of your own life.

How might one become the ideal parent they aspire to be?

It would be beneficial to learn to let go of judgment and listen to your inner thoughts. Regardless of what your thoughts may be, it is important to accept them wholeheartedly and refrain from judging them.

Secondly, it may be helpful to try to meditate for 10-20 minutes every day. Meditation can be a way to focus more intently and connect with your heart and body, and to feel your body.

Third, you might consider trying to discover the good and record the good every day, and perhaps even write a gratitude diary. Over time, you may find that you learn to perceive happy moments.

Fourth, you may find that by using the above methods to gain a deeper understanding of yourself, you can gradually return to your true self, which may help you to feel the true meaning of your life.

I hope my answer is helpful. ? Are you doing well?

Everyone has a different idea of what excellence means. When I was a child, it meant doing well at school and pleasing my family and friends. After getting a doctorate, it means doing meaningful work. This is similar to my childhood belief that making others happy makes me happy, but it's also about self-motivation.

Your family, the evaluation system, and the "lack of meaning" in academia don't seem to match your idea of excellence.

A doctorate is enough to dominate the field. Who dares to say that a doctorate is not outstanding? The evaluation system is targeted at a very small minority of people. For most people, they don't even have the qualifications to be evaluated.

The system is only part of academic achievement. People should also be evaluated on other aspects of excellence. Therefore, any conclusion based on a single field and a few subjects is limited. A PhD who says he's mediocre is suspect.

You are an academic prodigy, one of the select few who are far ahead of the pack. You are highly motivated and always try to do your best. It is fine to look at the few peers around you. Such comparisons may be meaningless to you, but it is only by placing yourself in the big picture that you can accurately position yourself.

The system's standards are just another way of measuring test scores. You lack motivation to do more than just get by. You dislike the idea that academic work is meaningless. Your family's lack of interest makes it even harder for you.

Your family may not care if you don't live up to their expectations. They may already think you're great. Letting go or having nothing to say may seem like you don't care, but it's not about that.

When you've grown up and left home, you need to take responsibility for your own life. Your parents trust you and know you'll be fine. You don't have to prove yourself or get a degree to prove your worth. It's about making your own choices.

A thing's meaning is not just academic. Being responsible is about making choices and accepting their consequences. When a reason is clear and there's motivation and courage, that's excellence.

I wish you happiness.

Thank you for your invitation. I am a heart exploration coach. I believe that everything is easy. I see that your problem may be being bound by the evaluation system of "you are not good enough" and trying to prove yourself.

The questioner has identified the areas of his life that are causing him difficulty. Your primary objective in seeking personal growth is to achieve a state of happiness. You have striven to demonstrate your worthiness, yet you feel a lack of joy because you believe you have succeeded in this endeavour. It is possible that what you perceive as your needs are not entirely aligned with your true desires, and this discrepancy may be the source of your inner conflict.

Perhaps the answer to your question lies within your question itself. It seems that you simply want to feel happy and joyful, whether you feel the need to prove yourself to be good or not, and regardless of whether you want to be good to make your family happy. As long as these things make you feel happy, you will have the motivation to do them.

You say that you believe the best course of action is to engage in meaningful activities that bring joy to your family and align with social standards of excellence. Do you feel a sense of fulfillment from this approach? This is what truly resonates with you on a meaningful level.

Could I suggest that you try to find meaning and happiness in the things you choose to do?

It seems that feeling happy is a genuine need for you.

It would seem that in a relationship, you desire to be noticed and cared for by your family. This could be another of your needs, and it may be the case that you cannot find happiness if your family stops paying attention to you.

I believe I understand your situation. It seems that you care a great deal about the happiness of your family and teachers. When they are happy, you are happy too. It is therefore natural that you want them to be happy and that you try to do what they approve of and like.

It seems that the questioner is currently experiencing a lack of motivation, which may be due to a sense that they are unable to find the meaning of life. It also appears that their previous experiences of happiness were largely contingent on pleasing others, and that this happiness was derived from the happiness of others.

Could I ask you why you keep struggling to prove yourself to be good? It seems to me that on the one hand, you really feel that you are good, but on the other hand, you are afraid to really believe that you are good enough.

Perhaps it would be helpful to do something that would make you feel that you are still on the way to becoming a good person. You might like to prove it to yourself, or to those who have always said you are mediocre. Who would you like to prove it to?

The questioner observed that there seems to be a discrepancy between their own standards of excellence and those held by others. Could you please share what influences you to believe in your own standard of excellence and pursue the standard of excellence recognized by others?

The words "good enough" may appear to the questioner at this stage to represent something that is as distant as an unattainable mountain peak, as elusive as a mirage, or as if one could reach the stars but is unable to do so.

In a system of evaluation that is "not good enough," it can be challenging to see how you could possibly be good enough within this system.

The questioner might consider attempting to move beyond this evaluation system, perhaps by establishing their own standards and criteria for evaluating their choices. This could involve taking responsibility for their own choices and evaluating them according to their needs and feelings.

It is possible that you may experience some unease and a lack of direction during this process. You may also find yourself struggling, perhaps feeling the need to return to the previous evaluation system. At times, you may feel that the previous system provides a sense of security.

I believe that, in time, you will discover the meaning of life. This is the only way to grow and become a better person. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear friend, I empathize with your current state of conflict and anxiety, as I understand that your inner feelings are very real.

Let us examine some strategies that may assist in enhancing one's overall mental state.

Self-acceptance is the first step in achieving a healthy mental state.

First and foremost, it is imperative to recognize that each individual possesses distinctive characteristics and qualities.

One must avoid excessive self-criticism and accept one's imperfections. One's value is not contingent upon one's achievements, curriculum vitae, or awards.

2. Identify meaningful pursuits.

You have previously indicated that your understanding of excellence is inextricably linked to the notion of undertaking meaningful activities. This is a crucial aspect that warrants further examination.

It would be beneficial to consider what is meaningful to you and what brings you contentment and happiness.

3. Internal and external balance:

In the evaluation system, a balance must be struck between external recognition and internal satisfaction. While external evaluation is undoubtedly important, internal recognition is equally so.

It is recommended that you consider attending to your own inner needs in lieu of solely pursuing external standards.

4. Professional Development

The doctoral phase represents a significant period of growth and development. While it is typical to undergo evaluation during this period, it is also essential to recognize that personal growth extends beyond academic grades and accolades. It encompasses the expansion of knowledge and the deepening of self-understanding.

5. Psychological counseling:

Should these issues be deemed to be negatively impacting one's quality of life, it may be beneficial to pursue professional psychological counseling. A qualified professional can assist in gaining a deeper understanding of one's self and in developing effective coping strategies.

In conclusion, it is important to note that you are not a mediocre individual.

One's value is not solely contingent upon external evaluations; rather, it is also reflected in one's impact on oneself and others.

I wish you the utmost success in identifying your own meaning and moving forward.

Hello, question owner! I know it can be tough when you feel like you're being evaluated based on a system that makes you feel like you're not good enough. It's important to remember that these systems are often subjective and one-sided, and don't fully represent a person's full value. But don't worry! There are ways you can prove yourself and show your worth.

Take a moment for yourself to think about who you are. Think about your strengths, your weaknesses, what you're interested in, and what you're good at. When you understand yourself better, you'll feel more confident in who you are.

Set goals! Set specific, measurable goals based on your interests and abilities. Make sure the goals are challenging but within your capabilities. You've got this!

You'll gradually prove your worth by working hard to achieve these goals.

Continuous learning is the key to proving yourself! There are so many ways to gain new knowledge and skills and enhance your competitiveness. You can take courses, read books, watch online videos, and so much more!

Show results! Prove yourself through the amazing things you can do. These could be your achievements at work, your contribution to a project, or your prize-winning entry in a competition.

These results will let others see all your hard work and what you've achieved, which might change how they see you.

Seek feedback: Talk to others to find out what they think and what they suggest. This is a great way to identify areas for improvement and find ways to grow!

And you know what? You can also get a great sense of how others see you by getting their feedback. It's a wonderful way to boost your self-confidence!

Embrace challenges! Don't be afraid to face challenges and difficulties. These challenges will give you the chance to show what you're made of and what you're capable of.

You've got this! By overcoming challenges, you will prove your worth and strength.

Stay positive! It's so important to keep a positive outlook. Don't let other people's opinions affect your emotions or values.

You've got this! Believe in yourself and your ability to prove yourself.

Everyone is special and has their own worth. Don't let other people's opinions hold you back. By always trying your best and showing what you can do, you'll slowly break free from this and achieve your dreams and goals.

Hello, I read your experience and think you're already pretty good, but you care too much about the evaluation system, which has caused you to lose sight of yourself. Your life experience has already been like this, but why do you still think you're not good enough?

Perhaps you're focusing too much on the comments, especially the negative ones.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Nobody's perfect, and you're no exception. It seems like you're feeling a bit confused.

From what you said, I get the feeling that you're a bit confused because you don't have a clear goal in mind. I know that doing a doctorate can seem pretty boring at times, but you can persevere. As far as I know, not everyone can graduate with a doctorate, but you're almost there, which means you're much better than most people.

Look at you. You were top of the class from childhood to adulthood, and you even went on to get a doctorate. You're amazing. I don't think it's just me. I think most people would agree that you're already great.

It's just that you may not have set your achievements as your goal, so you might not be experiencing the joy in it.

If someone says you're mediocre, don't worry about what others think. Just be yourself and be happy.

Take a deep breath and think about what kind of life you really want. Try different things and find your true passion through trial and error.

Set a goal and put in the work. You'll find that hard work is the best way to achieve your goals.

As you go along, you'll also get better and better at what you do. Have confidence in yourself.

I hope you find what you're looking for soon.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, it seems that you have been on an incredible journey of self-discovery. The excellence you showed in junior and senior high school may have been seen by your parents and others as coming from a good school or a prestigious school, but the joy that real learning brings you has been ignored. This has made you feel that what you do is not consistent with other people's perceptions and evaluations. You describe yourself as being mediocre, and after graduating with a doctorate, you are a mediocre person in the evaluation system. Who gave you this evaluation, may I ask?

You are obviously very good at what you do! It seems that you agree with this evaluation, but I think you're missing something.

In junior high and high school, you had a real sense of achievement. You were acquiring knowledge and feeling great about it! But then you encountered other people's value systems, and your self-evaluation system more readily agreed with theirs. You ignored your own evaluation of yourself, but that's okay!

You try to gain a sense of accomplishment through external evaluation, and when other people's evaluations are different from your sense of accomplishment, you prioritize other people's definitions. However, your heart clearly knows that other people's evaluation systems are not accurate, and you should not live for other people's evaluation. But you are still constantly satisfied!

As you mentioned, you could have worked as an undergraduate and supported yourself, but you went on to get a doctorate! You are fulfilling other people's expectations. What about your own?

Have you ever thought that when you satisfy others, your needs will be suppressed, your needs will be ignored, and what you want will be lost little by little? So, now you should definitely think about how to make yourself happy!

Are you happy doing a PhD? Absolutely! Do you really want to do a PhD? Of course!

So, what is the point of you being outstanding if it only makes your family happy, but not you? Are you happy?

It's not!

If you live for other people, you will lose yourself. But here's the good news: you can avoid this confusion by focusing on yourself!

Being satisfied with yourself is being able to meet your inner needs. Just as when you were studying, that sense of satisfaction, the sense of accomplishment from really acquiring knowledge, is your self-realization. And now, perhaps studying for a doctorate is also self-realization! But this self-realization cares more about what others think than what you think.

You absolutely have to start from yourself in order to truly be happy!

And another thing! You are you, and you should not live up to your family's expectations. You should live for yourself!

I really hope this is helpful! Wishing you all the best!

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

From what you've shared, it seems like you're on a journey to find the meaning of your life. It's totally normal to feel like your path and the world's view of it might not align perfectly. We all go through this in our growth and development. This is the time when we start to shape our unique sense of self, or self-identity.

Let's start by understanding what "self-identity" is. It's the sense of self-integration and adaptation that an individual has in a particular environment. It's also about the individual's ability to seek internal consistency and continuity. It refers to the continuity, maturity, and sense of integration of personality development. At this stage, we try to combine all aspects related to ourselves to form a self-determined, coordinated, and unique "same style" self that is different from others.

The wonderful psychologist Erik Erikson defines identity as "a feeling of familiarity with oneself," "a feeling of knowing how one will live," and "an inner confidence that comes from trusted people giving the expected approval."

Some scholars also say that self-identity is about that lovely feeling you get when you know yourself and others see you the same way.

In other words, self-identity actually has two meanings.

1. The individual achieves a harmonious state of self-integration within themselves.

2. The individual's understanding of themselves is in agreement with how others see them.

And the first level is the foundation for the second level.

It can be really tough when we know what kind of person we want to be, but our parents don't agree with us becoming that person. It can leave us feeling like there's a big gap between how we see ourselves and how the outside world sees us.

It's so important to find a way to adjust ourselves or communicate with our parents if we want to develop a sense of self-identity. When we lose the feeling of identity, we lose our own existence and can end up feeling lost, unable to find the direction and meaning of life.

But don't worry, my dear friend. Your current distress is simply a reminder to find your life's direction and meaning, to establish your self-identity, and to help yourself achieve a harmonious state of self-integration.

I'd love to share my story with you in the hope that it might inspire you too!

Like you, I was a straight-A student from a young age, and my parents were always so proud of me. They dreamed that I would become a university teacher, just like one of my aunts.

I grew up with such expectations and also thought that being a university teacher was the ultimate goal in life.

After I got my master's, I kept on studying so I could teach at a university. That summer, I got married to my boyfriend of six years. Then I started preparing for my doctorate while trying to get pregnant.

When I found out that I had passed the preliminary exam, I also found out that I was pregnant! Since I studied engineering, I needed to do a lot of experiments during my doctoral studies. My wonderful supervisor suggested that I choose between my doctorate and my child.

I chose my child because there are still so many opportunities to apply for a doctorate, but a child is the continuation of life, the crystallization of love, and the most precious gift from God.

Later, after the baby was born, I still had my sights set on that doctorate! I kept up with my studies, but at that time, my husband and in-laws were ready for me to be a full-time mom.

So I started taking care of my little one full-time.

Later on, when my little one started kindergarten, I suddenly had a lot of free time on my hands! I decided to start brushing up on my exam skills. It was around this time that I learned about the exam for psychological counselors and became really interested in it, so I started studying psychology.

During the review period, I had a bit of a reality check. I realized that becoming a college teacher was simply not an option for me.

First, I need to get into Zhejiang University for a doctorate. Then, I need to study for four years. If all goes well, I can apply for a job at a university after graduation. But then I suddenly realized that I didn't like doing scientific research and experiments before. If I go for a doctorate, I will have to force myself to do a lot of experiments, which I'm not sure I'm ready for. At the same time, I need to temporarily put aside the family that needs my care, which is tough.

I just had to ask myself, "Is this what I really want?"

I asked myself, "Is this what I really want?"

I suddenly realized that the purpose of my doctoral studies was just to prove to everyone that I could read and study, that I could study to the extreme and obtain the highest diploma. This was what the outside world expected of me, but was it what I really wanted from the bottom of my heart?

So, if a doctorate isn't what I really want, is being a university teacher what I really want?

It's not that either. I'd love to be able to pursue a life that is free, that allows me to take care of my family and continue to grow as a person.

I've been on a real journey to find the right balance between taking care of my family and realizing my own potential.

I have a teaching certificate, but I realized that if I really became a teacher, I would not be able to take care of my children and provide a stable home environment for my husband. Instead, it would make an otherwise happy and harmonious family unstable. I thought about opening a small shop, but I realized that it wasn't something I was good at or liked doing...

Later on, I discovered psychology, and I found something I absolutely loved! Ever since I was little, I've been great at listening and empathizing. I love to explore and really get into learning, and I'm full of curiosity and enthusiasm for psychology!

Later on, when I discovered psychology, I realized that I had found something I truly loved. Ever since I was little, I've been good at listening to and empathizing with others. I love to explore and delve deeply into learning, and I'm full of curiosity and enthusiasm for psychology!

I've finally found a great balance between taking care of my family and realizing my potential! I can study and work freely at home, constantly improve and grow myself, while also taking better care of my family and caring for my family members.

I've finally found a great balance between taking care of my family and realizing my potential! I can study and work freely at home, constantly improve and grow myself, while also taking better care of my family and caring for my family members.

I'm so happy to say that I've finally found a balance between taking care of my family and realizing my potential! I can study and work freely at home, constantly improve and grow myself, while also taking better care of my family and caring for my family members.

I'm so happy to say that I've finally achieved a state of inner harmony and self-integration! My perception of myself and the way I am perceived by the outside world is becoming more and more harmonious.

I'm so happy to say that I've finally reached a state of inner harmony and self-integration! My perception of myself and how I'm seen by others is becoming more and more harmonious and unified.

I'd love to tell you more about my journey!

It's been a bit of a journey, to be honest! When people first called me a "full-time mother," I have to admit I felt a bit resistant. And when I stayed home to take care of my family and stopped working, I felt a bit conflicted. Even when I decided to become a counselor, my parents still suggested I try to become a teacher again...

It's been a bit of a journey, to be honest! When people first called me a "full-time mom," I have to admit I felt a bit resistant. And when I stayed home to take care of my family and stopped working, I felt a bit conflicted. And when I chose to become a counselor, my parents still suggested that I try to be a teacher again...

And when I really saw myself, when I really knew what kind of person I should become, my inner being became harmonious and unified, and I built up my self-identity. It was such a beautiful moment!

And when I really saw myself, when I really knew what kind of person I should become, my inner being became harmonious and unified, and I built up my self-identity. It was such a wonderful feeling!

At this time, it's as if the voices from the outside world fade into the background. When our internal passion motivates us to become, step by step, the person we most look forward to and most ideally see ourselves becoming, we are also telling the world: "This is who I am, and I'm proud of it!"

I hope you can also free yourself from the expectations of others and truly become yourself, the real you. You are inherently good and valuable, so there's no need to prove yourself to anyone. When we are always proving ourselves, it shows that we are not good enough and are seeking external recognition. We are always being

I hope you can also free yourself from the expectations of others and truly become yourself, the real you. You are inherently good and valuable, and I know you already know that deep down. We don't need to deliberately prove ourselves. When we are always proving ourselves, it shows that we are not good enough, and we are also seeking external recognition, always in a passive state, in a position to be evaluated. You need to take back the right to evaluate yourself. You define the meaning of your life yourself, and that's a good thing! We don't need to prove ourselves to be good, but we can still realize our own value, have our own goals, and do what we like to do, what we are good at doing, and what we agree is valuable.

I truly believe that when you truly become yourself, the whole world will applaud and cheer for you!

The questioner is very good. I can see lots of doctors around me, but I still have a lot of respect for doctors. They have a lot of knowledge, they're pioneers, leaders, and contributors to society. Here's a quick and simple exchange:

1. Let's get to the heart of the matter, shall we? You're not bound by the evaluation system, but by your own perceptions. You lack motivation because you haven't found a meaningful goal yet, and you can't find a sense of meaning because you've always lived for your own feelings. Your perceptions at the level of outlook on life and values are limited, and that's okay!

2. How I got to the heart of the matter:

"I love learning and growing, but one day I just didn't know where my happiness was. I realized that my family wasn't happy with me." Your motivation to study is to please yourself. One kind of motivation is the sense of self-motivation that comes from understanding a lot of knowledge and improving yourself, which secretes a lot of dopamine. The other kind of motivation is the praise from your family for your excellent grades, which secretes a lot of dopamine.

"I'm almost done with my doctorate, but I'm still slouching around. I tell myself that it's enough to meet the graduation requirements, and I don't care about any awards. I really don't care." It's okay to not care about awards and meeting graduation requirements. But, if you don't care about the people who care about you, you lose your sense of direction and motivation. In the end, you still care about your own feelings.

I totally get it. It's the same in junior high and high school.

"I think the way to make me happy is to prove myself and affirm that I'm doing a good job, but this kind of proof requires results, a resume, and awards." Your direct appeal is still to make yourself happy, and the subconscious way to be happy is to prove your worth and that you can do it and be better than others.

But this self-motivated drive is already less than the hard work required to achieve results, gain experience, and win awards. So, I chose to slack off, and you know what? That's okay!

"I don't really know what I care about, but I'll be happy if I can make my family, teachers, and friends happy. I also have my lazy moments, when I stay at home and read novels, day and night. This kind of laziness also makes me happy.

"Ultimately, making those around you happy is still about wanting to make yourself happy. Reading novels isn't just idling away. It's also about being happy for yourself. It's just a matter of choosing the way that makes you happier out of the two ways of being happy.

"I'm not sure where the meaning is. Without a doctorate, I can support myself by getting a job after graduating from university."

But when he was being evaluated, he felt very resistant inside. "You are absolutely right! What you lack is a sense of meaning!"

It's great if you can support yourself by finding a job after college, but it's not enough to just support yourself. You need more than that to feel happy. Some people keep going to college because they like being praised and admired by others. They don't want to be evaluated because they believe that the truly outstanding people are not the ones who are evaluated. They feel happy and energized when they get high evaluations, but they don't think it's worth it after the evaluation is over. So, they choose not to strive for high evaluations. But when someone gets a high evaluation, they still feel a little envious and dissatisfied, so they resist this evaluation mechanism.

"There is a voice that tells me that I am still great." This voice comes from the voice that wants to feel happy.

He published a few articles and told himself that graduating was meaningful. Indeed, he could not find a sense of meaning, and could only find meaning in accomplishing something.

"I don't want to be told that you haven't achieved good results." I totally get it. It can be really hard to find a reason to be happy sometimes. Being criticized and denied is negative happiness, so of course you don't want it.

So, what is the meaning of long-term sustainability? Let me tell you two stories first.

1. A few years ago, a well-known scholar who had always pursued research and did not value money was invited to give a lecture by a company. He was so busy with his research that he had to decline. One day, he was found giving a public lecture! Someone said that he was no exception and also bowed to money.

Later, I learned that his wife was seriously ill and needed regular expensive medication to sustain her life. He had to make some tough choices to pay for the high cost. This is his meaning.

2. Many entrepreneurs have achieved complete financial freedom by growing their companies to a large scale and have realized their goal of making money many years ago. As a result, they are at a loss as to why they should continue to work hard. After attending a lecture one day, he felt that he needed to continue running his business even for the sake of the many employees it employs.

He also found meaning, which is so wonderful!

Meaning is a truly personal experience. What gives our lives meaning depends on what we value most. For some, personal pleasure is the highest anchor, and it can be challenging to feel a sustained sense of meaning.

I've found that the best way to gain a long-lasting sense of meaning is by contributing to others and to society. When we do this, it gives us a wonderful sense of purpose and motivation to keep moving forward and to maximize our potential. And the lovely by-product of this is that we also find happiness in ourselves!

Good morning. I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who employs visual aids in my presentations.

The questioner indicates a desire to move beyond the evaluative system of "not good enough," while simultaneously seeking to demonstrate their value by asserting "I am good." This individual is unable to ascertain the meaning of life and is constrained by the experience of internal conflict.

From the perspective of the social evaluation system, having obtained a doctorate and essentially fulfilled the requirements for graduation indicates that one's intelligence and capabilities are on an appropriate trajectory, and that one has become an individual who many people admire. However, due to one's current circumstances, there are numerous individuals in one's immediate vicinity who are perceived as "exceptional," which can lead to a sense of one's own "mediocrity" being perceived as anomalous. However, upon noting that one's perspective suggests that mediocrity can also be a source of happiness, it becomes evident that our emotional states are malleable. Mediocrity does not necessitate a waste of time or a lack of fulfillment in life. Moderate mediocrity can assist in acknowledging and accepting one's shortcomings, focusing on aspects within one's control, and making the processes of learning and life somewhat more straightforward.

The act of "playing the victim" is not entirely a passive escape; it reflects our deeper psychological needs to some extent. As we have previously discussed, conforming to the standards of "excellence" has brought tremendous pressure, and "playing the victim" has just become a self-protection mechanism, allowing the individual to rest and recover.

By recognizing this and seeking psychological assistance, you have effectively created an opportunity to re-examine your life and goals, and to embark on a new journey with a more constructive mindset and state of mind.

Psychological research indicates that when individuals are relieved from a state of tension, their thinking becomes more relaxed and creative. It is not always feasible to maintain optimal conditions, and pursuing excellence while experiencing internal depletion will result in a significant expenditure of energy.

It is possible to deliberately set oneself up for a fall, in a manner analogous to the strategic placement of supply stations along a long-distance running route. This approach to relaxation can help to avoid overfatigue and prevent exhaustion.

As a result of relaxation, one may discover a multitude of intriguing activities that can serve as a source of inner fortitude. It is not necessary to strive for perfection. By relinquishing excessive self-imposed expectations, one can recognize the autonomy to make their own choices.

One may opt to be benevolent towards oneself, to reside in the present moment, and to accept the imperfections inherent in life. Over time, this can facilitate the discovery of one's own rhythm and happiness.

It is recommended that you consult with a counselor in order to gain some respite for your soul.

I am sending you my best regards.

From your writing, I have identified a few key issues and corresponding suggestions that I believe could be helpful for you to consider:

Problem 1: A lack of achievement and satisfaction You have consistently demonstrated academic proficiency, yet you appear to have lost the sense of fulfillment that comes with achieving your goals. You mentioned that you once found joy in the process of learning and making progress, but now you feel adrift and lacking in purpose.

It's possible that the lack of achievement may be due to a discrepancy between your definition of achievement and what you are actually pursuing.

Suggestion 1: Consider Redefining Personal Achievements It might be helpful to take a moment to reflect on what achievements truly matter to you. This could involve exploring your values and interests in greater depth to identify goals and activities that truly inspire you.

It might be helpful to consider setting goals that are related to personal growth and satisfaction, rather than focusing solely on external awards or recognition from others.

It seems that you are experiencing a conflict between external evaluation and self-identification. On the one hand, you appear to desire recognition and affirmation from others, yet on the other hand, you may not fully align with what others consider to be "good."

Suggestion 2: Consider establishing a system of self-identity based on your own values and beliefs. This could include recognizing your own strengths and uniqueness, and learning to affirm yourself.

You might find it helpful to make a list of things that you consider meaningful, and focus on activities that bring you inner satisfaction. At the same time, it could be beneficial to learn to accept your imperfections and separate your self-worth from external achievements.

Question 3: A lack of clarity about life goals You mentioned that you are experiencing difficulty in finding meaning and purpose in life, which is causing confusion and a sense of powerlessness when pursuing academic achievements.

It might be helpful to explore the meaning of life. You may find it beneficial to take the time to think about what you believe a meaningful life is like. This could involve some self-reflection and career planning.

You might find it helpful to speak with a career counselor or psychologist to gain a better understanding of your interests and goals.

In summary, it seems that your current problems may lie in a lack of a sense of achievement, a conflict of self-identity, a loss of direction in life, resistance to the evaluation system, and challenges in time management. It may be helpful to consider rethinking what personal achievement means to you, exploring your identity, and reflecting on the meaning of life.

However, these may only be superficial appearances. From the text, I can sense a certain inner struggle and hesitation on your part when writing it.

Perhaps you are hesitant to face your own heart, as it knows what you truly need. Could I encourage you to face your heart, explore its needs, and listen to what it has to say?

I believe that when you are ready to face your own heart, you will be able to find your own path and achieve true self-fulfillment and success.

Hello, question asker! I'm sure you'll successfully graduate with a doctorate and then find a job.

Let's be frank: it's tough to find a job that suits you and makes you happy, even if you have a PhD, in today's job market.

Many companies are reducing staff, cutting wages, and delaying salary payments. Many jobs originally did not require such high academic qualifications, but the academic threshold has been raised. However, employers are not paying the salaries they should be, and they are using one person as several people.

There's nothing you can do. The economy is in a bad shape, and it's hard enough for employers to survive. It's not easy to get by, whether you're inside or outside the system.

I'm going off on a tangent because I want to make a point. Once you enter society, you'll see that even the social evaluation system is changing. The iron rice bowl is no longer ironclad, and even the most talented people may not be able to find a place to use their abilities.

So, tell me, what kind of person do you mean by an outstanding person? Is it someone who publishes a lot of papers of a high standard?

Make a lot of money? Have a lot of social honors?

A person of high status? A family man?

Are we really saying that everyone is happy and that relationships are well managed?

Is it a happy and contented family, or is it a self-fulfilling, interesting, and meaningful life?

Society is constantly changing, and in the midst of change, it may not even have time to form its own standards. This makes current society less than perfect, but it is relatively tolerant. The reason is that the standards of a good life are diverse, not as singular as they once were. This is evident in the rise of social media, where people have their own ways of living, their own struggles, and their own unique experiences.

You have to find your own standards. You have to try, to go out into the real world and try, to experience love, family, friendship, and camaraderie at work, to establish connections with close friends or strangers, to connect with real people.

You will know what makes you feel at ease, what makes your heart flutter, what fascinates you, what disgusts you, what exhausts you, and what you really want.

Some people are strong inside and are envied by others. They always know what they want.

If you are curious enough, observe people with clear inner goals and strong motivations. These are people who have experienced enough to know what they want and are driven to achieve it.

You will only discover your original aspirations by trying them out. You will blow away the dust, wipe it away repeatedly, and cherish and protect them.

You have to jump into the water to learn to swim, and you have to jump into the river of life to reach the other side.

Life that goes too smoothly numbs the senses, and life that is too difficult makes people despair. The best state is to have a choice. Take the less difficult path and create opportunities to gain new experiences and discover a new self. Be grateful you still have a choice.

Psychology and philosophy, to the modern age, all reflect the importance of "people" and the capital "P" "people." These are the conclusions drawn by generations of people with great wisdom, and they are also the wisdom extracted from life.

Put people first, take life as your guide, and jump into the long river of life. You'll quickly learn that there are more attitudes and mentalities in life than just being withdrawn, laid-back, and whining.

Best regards!

Hello, questioner!

From what you've told me, you are already a very successful person! You have excelled since childhood and are now about to graduate with a doctorate. To use a popular saying, you have always been the "other people's child" in your parents' eyes – and it's so great that you've made them proud!

You've already surpassed 99% of the people in the country!

Your words, "Before, I always enjoyed the joy of learning and making progress," already answer the question that follows. And it's so true! Enjoying the process of learning or doing something is the fundamental source of happiness.

At that time, you were absolutely loving the happiness brought about by your learning progress! But you mistakenly thought that your parents cared about your grades and affirmed your academic performance.

It is the source of your happiness! So when you realize that your family doesn't care, you suddenly lose your way.

It's time to understand that happiness comes from within, not without! Return to yourself, go within, and be your own best friend!

What do you really want?

Now that I'm almost done with my doctorate, I'm still messing around, telling myself that it's okay to just meet the graduation requirements, and I don't care about any awards. I really don't, and I'm embracing that!

I think the best way for me to be happy is to prove myself and show everyone that I've done a great job! Of course, this kind of proof requires results, a resume, and awards.

The process of proving is an outward journey of discovery. We are no longer curious about what we really want, but we are excited to prove that we can become the "successful" person in the eyes of others!

If you want to jump out, you have to see if you are living in proof!

Do other people's opinions of you outweigh your own feedback? Let's find out!

Would you give up and compromise just because someone else denied your dream? Absolutely not! You have to follow your heart and believe in yourself.

Absolutely! You can still happily and confidently follow this path without external evaluation.

Relax and enjoy some quality time with yourself. Appreciate all the good things around you!

For example, the weather is absolutely gorgeous today! The warm sunshine feels incredible on my skin, and I feel so good and happy!

Hello, questioner! Thanks so much for your question.

In this world full of competition and pressure, we always seem to be surrounded by all kinds of standards and evaluations. Especially you, a doctoral student about to graduate, should be able to freely soar in the hall of academia! But you are bound by the evaluation that "you are not good enough."

I can feel your inner struggle and unease, and I admire your complex emotions of longing to be recognized and your fear of not being able to live up to external expectations.

First of all, I want to tell you that it is completely normal to feel this way. And it's totally okay! Everyone encounters similar dilemmas on their journey to adulthood and doubts their own value and abilities.

Your anxiety, confusion, and unease are all very much a part of being human. And you know what? That means you're not alone! We're all in this together, facing similar challenges.

I totally get it! You want to prove yourself through achievements, qualifications, and awards. You want to affirm your abilities and meet the expectations of your family, teachers, and friends.

However, in the process, you seem to have fallen into a misunderstanding: using external evaluation as the sole criterion for measuring your self-worth.

However, I want to tell you something really important: your value is not defined by external evaluation. You are an independent individual, and your value should be defined by yourself!

Those so-called standards and evaluations are just society's expectations and requirements for you. But they don't have to define you! Your intrinsic value is so much more than that.

I know it's not easy to break free from this system of evaluation, but I know you can do it! All you have to do is listen to your inner voice and find the things that truly make you feel fulfilled and satisfied.

These are your true value and meaning!

At the same time, I'd also like to remind you not to be too demanding for perfection. Everyone has their own limitations and shortcomings, and accepting your own imperfections is part of growing up—and it's a great thing to do!

When you learn to accept yourself, you will be amazed at how confident and at ease you become!

I'd also love to chat about how to face and deal with these negative emotions. The key is to accept your emotions, and trying to understand the reasons and meanings behind them can help you better understand your inner needs and find a solution to the problem.

When you feel depressed or anxious, find a quiet place, take a few deep breaths, and then let your creativity soar! Try expressing your emotions in writing or through painting, or share your feelings and predicaments with friends and family.

In this process, you may encounter setbacks and difficulties, but remember to be kind to yourself! Don't be too harsh on your own imperfections and failures. Learn from your mistakes and keep trying!

Everyone has their own rhythm and path of growth. And the great news is that as long as you firmly follow your path, you will definitely find your own piece of heaven!

You feel confused and can't find the meaning you think you should have. But don't worry! This is perfectly understandable, because the meaning of life itself is a complex and profound question.

Give yourself some time and space to think and explore your interests and passions. You'll be amazed at what you discover! You may find that the true meaning lies not in external evaluation and achievements, but in your inner contentment and happiness.

And finally, I want to say that you should never let anyone tell you that you're not good enough! You are a unique individual with your own incredible value and meaning.

Prove yourself in your own amazing way and pursue your dreams and goals! You should define and control your own youth in a way that is truly yours!

I will always be there for you, supporting and understanding you, because we have all been in similar situations and faced similar challenges. And I know you will find your own strength and direction on your journey of self-discovery!

Remember: Your value is not defined by others, but created by your own efforts and dedication! No matter what the future holds, believe in yourself, treat yourself well, and courageously pursue your dreams!

I've got some more suggestions that I'm really excited to share with you!

Revisit your values! It's time to clarify your definition of "success." Is it academic achievement, social status, personal growth, or inner peace?

Clarifying your own values is a great way to break free from external constraints and focus on what you really want to pursue!

It's time to establish your self-identity! Don't rely too heavily on external evaluations to confirm your own value. Instead, recognize your own uniqueness and value, and learn to appreciate your own merits and efforts.

Every day, say something positive to yourself to remind yourself that you are valuable!

Cultivate self-care! When you encounter setbacks or self-doubt, try to be more caring and understanding towards yourself. Treat yourself like a good friend and give yourself some relief and encouragement. You've got this!

Set small goals to make your dreams come true! When you're feeling confused or helpless, it's easy to get overwhelmed. But you can conquer your challenges one small step at a time. Learn a new skill, complete a project, or just stick to your daily exercise routine. You've got this!

You'll feel amazing when you achieve these small goals! Not only will you get a sense of accomplishment, but you'll also boost your confidence.

Seek professional help: If you feel that your emotions and stress are becoming too much to bear, consider seeking help from a counselor. They can provide professional guidance and support to help you better cope with your inner struggles and confusion. It's a great idea to get some help when you need it!

It's also a great idea to develop some hobbies! These can help you relax and have fun in your busy life, and they'll also make your life better in other ways.

It's time to build a support system! Share your feelings and struggles with family, friends, or classmates. They're there to provide emotional support and advice to help you better face difficult situations.

And there's more! You can also try joining some social groups or organizations to make friends with like-minded people.

Remember, there is no fixed template for life to define what is "excellent." Everyone has their own unique journey and timetable—and it's a great one!

The most important thing is to learn to appreciate your journey and cherish every moment of hard work and dedication. I will always be there for you, supporting and understanding you every step of the way!

I'm so excited for you to find your own strength and direction on the path of self-discovery!

I totally get where you're coming from. You want to prove yourself, but you're held back by a system that says you're "not good enough." This kind of system can come from society, family, education, and other places. Everyone has their own values and goals.

First, it's important to realize that you are not a mediocre person. You have your own strengths and specialties, and you also enjoy the joy of learning and progress. You don't need to live your life for the sake of others' evaluation. You can live your life your own way and pursue what you think is meaningful.

Second, it's so important to give yourself some time and space to reflect and explore. Try to pay attention to your inner needs and find things that make you happy and content.

There's absolutely no need to rush or worry too much about what others think. The most important thing is to live for yourself and find your own inner happiness and satisfaction.

Finally, don't worry too much about what others think. You are worthy of love and happiness! Learn to accept yourself and recognize your own value. You can try to find something meaningful to do, such as participating in volunteer activities, traveling, reading, etc. These activities can help you feel the meaning and value of life.

Remember, your value is not determined by others, but by yourself. You've got this! Believe in yourself, and you will definitely find your own meaning and happiness.

I wish you the best of luck!

Good morning,

As a doctor, your degree is a testament to your abilities and dedication. Despite this, you may still feel that there is room for improvement.

Sometimes, I feel a bit overwhelmed, as if I were a tightly stretched string. At such times, I choose to stop, take a break, and enjoy some beautiful things to relax my mind.

It is important to remember that taking a break is not a sin. It can actually give you the strength to move on. It is a good idea to adjust your mentality and learn to relax.

I believe it is important to value your time and pursue activities that bring you joy. At the same time, I will continue to work hard to pursue my goals and live a true, confident life.

Sometimes, our sense of mediocrity may arise from the environment we are in. In a circle where everyone is more or less the same, it is understandable to feel ordinary and unremarkable.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remind yourself that this is not the real you. You have your own goals and dreams, and it's natural to want to make your own decisions and live your life according to your values.

It would be beneficial for you to establish your own evaluation system and to try not to be swayed by the opinions of others. You may find it helpful to believe in the strength of your own heart and to affirm your own value.

I believe that this is the only way you can truly live your life to the fullest, free from the influence of external evaluations. Everyone is a unique individual, and there is no need to define yourself entirely based on the opinions of others. Other people's opinions can be used as a reference, but ultimately, how you evaluate yourself should be based on your own values, goals, and actual situation.

With dedication and consistent effort, you can gradually develop a more mature and resilient self-evaluation system.

Good day. I am Bai Li Yina, the individual who will respond to your inquiry. It is my hope that my response will provide you with a sense of warmth and assistance.

The questioner revealed that he has consistently demonstrated excellence since childhood, and you have also derived contentment from this accomplishment. You perceive that your happiness stems from proving yourself and receiving affirmation from your family. However, you currently experience difficulty in deriving joy from the progress you make in your studies due to external evaluations and the indifference of your family, which causes you distress. You seek to understand the significance you once attributed to this pursuit. It is evident that a fulfilling life can be achieved without attaining a doctorate, so what was the motivation behind your decision to pursue this path? Was it solely to prove yourself?

[Situation analysis]

You possess excellent qualities and are confident in your abilities. You affirm yourself in every description, which has brought you a great deal of joy and helped you overcome numerous challenges. However, life is not static. As we mature, our concerns evolve. You have transitioned from focusing on yourself to recognizing that the world is not as you initially perceived. A sense of community has gradually become integrated into your life and studies. You are no longer solely concerned with how you will perform on this examination.

From an early age, students are expected to sit attentively in a classroom. As they mature, they encounter numerous decisions and choices. Each decision is motivated by personal reasons, yet external judgments often accompany these choices. These judgments intensify over time, prompting individuals to question the merits of their decisions, experience distress, and perceive a constant presence of judgmental voices.

It appears that an exemplary child is subjected to a barrage of caustic rhetoric, resulting in a gradual erosion of their resilience and the emergence of numerous lacerations. Nevertheless, they persist in their efforts to fortify their defenses and mitigate the severity of these injuries. Let us examine the potential avenues for enhanced protection.

[Thought-provoking questions]

1. You believe that you must prove yourself, so to whom do you wish to demonstrate your abilities? To whom do you seek approval?

It is essential to provide specific details regarding the individual or individuals in question, including their names.

2. Individuals are constantly evaluated, and there are always systems in place to assess them. What kind of internal conflict does an evaluation that one does not agree with cause? And what kind of feelings does an evaluation that one does agree with evoke?

It is important to recall the distinction between the two.

3. You indicate that you frequently lack the capacity to discern meaning, which consequently precludes the formulation of a goal. At times, it may be beneficial to consider the significance of attaining a degree.

Thus, it is pertinent to inquire as to the level of confidence one possesses with regard to the attainment of the objective of graduation. Does the individual experience a sense of inadequacy with respect to the perceived level of challenge associated with the goal?

Consequently, the sense of meaning becomes diminished.

4. One day, you may come to the realization that your family does not care about your achievements or your well-being. Is this an accurate assessment? Do your family members truly not care whether you obtain a doctorate or whether you are happy and content?

It is evident that you are not concerned about the adverse effects your current understanding is having on your emotional well-being. However, it would be prudent to ascertain whether there might be some underlying misperceptions at the root of this understanding.

[Recommended Method to Try]

You stated that you have been responsible for yourself since you began attending a boarding school in middle school. I believe this understanding is accurate, but it may lack sufficient firmness. Being responsible for oneself also entails recognizing one's own excellence. While others may be unable to perceive one's efforts, they can observe one's achievements. One is the best judge of the extent of one's own efforts, whether they constituted 30%, 50%, or 80% of the total input.

The outcomes achieved are contingent upon the input of effort. It is therefore imperative to be able to discern one's own efforts.

Subsequently, it is essential to ascertain the desired outcome. Is it academic achievement, a curriculum vitae, or accolades that are sought?

A job that provides financial stability is sufficient. What type of lifestyle do you aspire to and enjoy?

To illustrate, consider the trade-off between a high salary and a high-quality life. How much effort would you be willing to invest to achieve this goal? It is important to recognize that an ordinary salary life is within your reach. Therefore, it is essential to identify the factors that are preventing you from making the choice to pursue a higher salary and a high-quality life. It is crucial to take the time to identify your true priorities and aspirations. It is important to understand that these goals and ideas will inevitably evolve over time. For instance, you may one day prioritize finding a romantic partner over work or having a happy family.

The decision to pursue any particular course of action will inevitably be met with skepticism and criticism from others. In order to effectively counter these external influences, it is essential to recognize that the individuals who are judging you are not the ones who are ultimately responsible for your life. You possess your own unique purposes and ideas that inform your choices, and it is not necessary to seek external validation from others because you are the primary beneficiary and the individual responsible for your actions. Those who approve of you are individuals who share your ideas, and those who disapprove of you simply have a different perspective. It is possible to find common ground while maintaining differences and embracing diversity in the world.

It may be the case that these voices are not the primary source of your difficulties; rather, it is possible that the root cause lies in your failure to adapt to the changes that have occurred. The confusion that accompanies the transition to the next stage of your academic career has led you to attribute your distress to external factors, thereby exacerbating your suffering. However, it is important to recognise that the true source of your distress lies in your uncertainty and confusion about your identity and future. Once you have identified your own direction and purpose, these external evaluations may no longer have the same impact, as you will have a clear understanding of your goals, actions and outcomes.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

It is important to note that change requires time and patience. It is also crucial to understand that many individuals have experienced or are currently experiencing similar challenges.

You are not alone in this endeavour. It is my sincere hope that you will soon find resolution to the confusion that currently plagues you and discover a state of comfort and ease.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have expressed approval and provided feedback. I extend my best wishes for peace and joy.