How to dissipate the shadow of one's original family and regain a high-energy self?

The question at hand is how one might live a life of strength and autonomy, free from the influence of one's family of origin.

One should refrain from becoming enmeshed in the problem itself.

A life of strength requires a foundation and ability to support it. In order to have the requisite foundation to face life, one must actively participate in life.

What are the indicators of one's approach to life? Primarily, one must consider whether a plan for navigating life exists.

In the event of an adverse outcome, to whom should the initial responsibility be attributed? Should the resolution of problems be undertaken independently or should they be delegated to others?

This is a matter of the quality and ability to cope with life, if one does not ascertain the appropriate measure. In the event that one is unable to establish a sense of strength in life, the probability of being able to reflect upon one's family of origin from time to time increases.

It is essential to comprehend the distinction between what should be relinquished and what should be retained.

Regardless of the source of the negative experience, whether in life, at school, or within the family of origin, the passage of time allows for the resolution of these issues and the attainment of peaceful coexistence. Therefore, the emphasis should not be on principle, but rather on the resolution of the issue at hand.

A problem of principle is defined as an adverse situation that causes harm to individuals and is characterized by its persistence and detrimental impact. To illustrate, an unfavorable encounter with an individual who exhibits multiple vices can ultimately lead to a challenging life trajectory for that person.

Subsequently, these are his own issues, and even after an extended period, he will face consequences for his actions and the habits he has formed.

If there are individuals within the original family who are unable to assume responsibilities, such as exhibiting timidity and evading accountability, these are not fundamental issues. Over time, however, the collective will evolve and become more resilient, thereby avoiding the pitfalls of cowardice.

For example, there will be an increase in accumulated wealth, as well as an increase in the number of houses.

Furthermore, there will be an increase in the quantity of gold and silver jewelry, as well as savings.

If the objective is to learn from past experiences and prepare for potential future challenges, it is essential to consider the nuances of one's recollections.

If one continually reflects on one's family of origin with the aim of becoming a more effective parent in the future, it is possible to continue this process of reflection in order to avoid repeating the mistakes of one's parents.

The original family has a big impact on everyone's journey of growth and development. Some people are influenced for a longer period of time and in a wider range of aspects, while others are influenced for a shorter period of time and in a narrower range of aspects. In short, everyone is affected differently, and that's perfectly normal!

Some folks carry around psychological trauma for a long time because of their family of origin. It can be really tough! The good news is that there are ways to get through it. It usually takes a process of acceptance, digestion, transformation, and adaptation to get out of the distress.

First, it's okay to accept what happened, how it made you feel, and the impact it had on you. Some people might say they can't accept it because it was too horrible. I get it, it was truly awful. But that doesn't mean you can't accept it.

At the time, I was too young to accept it, but now I'm old enough! I can do so many things that I couldn't do before. I just need to believe in myself and think and act this way.

Secondly, I truly believe that when the incident occurred, the questioner had already done their absolute best to protect themselves. They didn't do anything, but at that age, their ability wasn't as strong as it could have been, and that was all they could do under the circumstances. So, it's really important for the questioner to recognize their own efforts to protect themselves.

Then, you don't need to feel hurt or ashamed. Instead, you can see it as an experience and trial that has made you more aware of your abilities.

Once you've taken all this in, your way of thinking will change a lot, and your life will change too. It'll take a little while for your body and mind to adjust, so be patient with yourself.

I hope these personal opinions are helpful for you, the questioner, to think about.

Topic Master, I believe the present is a good time to be grateful for the encounter.

From what you've shared, I can sense the inner confusion and pain you're experiencing regarding the challenges in your family of origin. I'm here for you, and I'd love to discuss this further.

1. Try to identify the underlying cause of the problem you're facing.

It is fair to say that most people have some unresolved issues stemming from their original family. The original family does have an impact on everyone's growth and life, and the impact can range from subtle to significant.

Once I came to understand that some of my difficulties may have been influenced by my family of origin, I found myself experiencing feelings of anger and confrontation with my family of origin for a while. I felt that my parents owed me an apology. This period of time also marked a rebellious phase in my life.

However, the pain and suffering that followed encouraged me to continue learning and improving, as well as reconciling with my family of origin. Gradually, I found myself less preoccupied with these issues brought about by my family of origin.

I believe that when I can let go of my expectations of my parents, there will gradually be no more comparison between the real parents and the perfect parents within, and there will be no more disappointment, anger, or pain.

It seems that the shadow of the original family has not dissipated because we have not yet let go within ourselves. It may be that we are still attached to or trapped in the expectations and emotions we have for the original family.

2. Recovering strength

When we are able to set aside our time, attention, and energy to focus on ourselves rather than on our family of origin, we create space for positive changes to occur, both within ourselves and in our relationships with others. By shifting our focus, we can identify and address the underlying issues that may be contributing to our struggles.

When we bring our attention back to ourselves, we may begin to become aware of what we lack within, what we need, what else we can do, and what we should do.

If you would like your parents to say and do certain things to you, you might consider becoming your own spiritual parents and re-raising your inner child. You could say these things to yourself, do these things for yourself, and gradually you may see and satisfy your inner needs, gradually growing your inner child.

You are inherently complete, and you have the ability to love yourself. When you can love yourself, respect yourself, accept yourself, and appreciate yourself, you will, over time, influence the people around you to treat you the same way.

3. Could I ask you about your concept of a "high-energy self"?

I'm curious to know more about what you understand by a "high-energy self," what state your high-energy self is in, and whether you've ever achieved it. Or has it always been just an image that you expect to achieve internally?

If you have ever reached such a state, it may be helpful to consider that you are not lacking in this ability. You may find it beneficial to take some time to reshape your inner self, see your inner self, and satisfy your inner self's lack. This could help you to return to such a state with greater ease.

If the high-energy version of yourself is simply an idealized image that you aspire to achieve internally, it can serve as a valuable goal in our lives. It can provide guidance on how to adjust our words, actions, and even thoughts.

It is also important to remember to accept ourselves in our daily lives, even when we do not meet our own expectations. We all have different aspects to our personalities, and it is valuable to embrace these differences.

I believe that by accepting our inner selves, we can integrate the different aspects of our personalities and become a more complete and powerful version of ourselves. However, I also feel that confronting the parts of ourselves that we don't accept can have a negative effect on our energy levels.

Perhaps the key to reclaiming the power and resources behind these parts of ourselves is to accept them.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best!

Hello. I am Bai Li Yina, the respondent. I am confident that my response will provide warmth and help.

The questioner revealed that her family of origin had a strong influence on her, and she was in a low-energy state. She was determined to become the high-energy version of herself again.

[Situation analysis]

The questioner didn't say what happened, but his tone is clear: he's confused and in pain. I know what it's like to be trapped in the pain of my family of origin and unable to extricate myself. I understand your pain at this moment. Here's a warm hug for you.

We must face the truth: our expectations of our family and our dissatisfaction with the past are holding us back. They have not treated us in the way we would ideally like, which makes us feel pain and disappointment.

Why can't it turn out the way we want it to? They'll inevitably come up with the answer that they don't love me or don't love me enough.

Then I confront my own internal conflict.

[Questions for reflection]

1. I love myself enough.

2. I will now describe my highest state of energy. How does it differ from the present?

[Recommended methods to try]

When you think God has closed a door, you can—and should—choose to open it yourself. That's what doors are for.

If we don't get the love we expect, we can and should love ourselves. We are the most important person in the world to us, without one.

If you want to be cared for, you must learn to care for your own emotions and state. If you want your family to do something for you, you must try to be your own inner parent, put yourself first, and fill the wounds you have received by giving yourself more love.

You can't change the past or other people, so change yourself and love yourself more.

I am confident that the above methods will help you.

You will get through this. It will take time and patience, but you will get through it. Don't worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems, and you will get through this too.

The world and I are with you. You are not alone. You will find your own most comfortable state and an early solution to the fog in your heart.

To those who have liked and responded to me, thank you. I wish you peace and joy.

Hello, question asker. I can see that you're facing some confusion, and I'm here to support you.

I believe that each of us is affected by our own family of origin in our own way.

It is inevitable that our original family will bring us shadows, as they have both good and bad parts.

However, when we recognize these challenges, we have the opportunity to make a choice.

For instance, it is not necessary to pass on the negative aspects of your family to your partner.

To put it another way, the negative aspects of the original family are no longer a concern for us.

Perhaps we could consider ways of reducing the negative impact of this intergenerational transmission.

It might be helpful to remember that you are now an adult, and that your mental energy is stronger than it was when you were a child.

I believe you are now fully capable of overcoming the negative influence brought to you by your original family.

If you feel it would be helpful, we suggest you consider seeking professional psychological counseling.

I believe the counselor is a professional who can provide you with more helpful advice.

I truly hope that the issue you're currently facing can be resolved as soon as possible.

At this moment, I am only able to think of the aforementioned point.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. I am the answerer, and I study hard every day.

I would like to extend my best wishes to you and the world at Yixinli.

I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to see how you're doing. I'm sending you lots of good wishes and hope that you're able to find a solution to the problem you're facing.