I always feel inferior to his first girlfriend. What should I think and what should I do?

Hello, I am Li Di, and I am grateful for our encounter.

Your current boyfriend's attention to his first girlfriend and his emotional experiences have caused you a lot of misunderstanding and uncomfortable emotions, and they have also affected some of your doubts about yourself. I can feel your jealousy, unease, and lack of security. Give me a hug. During the reading process, I also had some thoughts that I want to discuss with you.

☞First, I want to know when you started paying attention to and learning about your boyfriend's previous relationships. What prompted you to do so? Was it simply out of curiosity, or was it when your boyfriend told you about it himself or when you felt uneasy about the way you got along with each other? And what kind of feelings and thoughts did learning about this bring up in me? What are the good aspects?

I want to know what the bad aspects are.

Second, I have been dating him for a little over two months now, and I feel that he is particularly indifferent to me. I want to know what it was like when the two of you first started dating. I also want to know what things or behaviors are responsible for this particular feeling of indifference.

You need to consider where these thoughts come from. You need to communicate with your boyfriend. Ask him if he feels the same as you about the lack of passion. Ask him if the way he shows intimacy is different as he grows older or because of the different personalities of his girlfriend and himself.

☞ Third, you need to recognize that your comparisons and interpretations of your relationship with your boyfriend are flawed. It's clear that your boyfriend is unaware of the impact his previous behavior has had on you. It's also evident that you're insecure about your own worth. Given that you've acknowledged that you and your boyfriend are good in every way and that you're in a relationship, it's time to address your fears.

Tell me, what are you afraid of?

☞Fourth, everyone has previous romantic experiences. If you were your boyfriend and your current girlfriend was so good, you'd choose her. You'd enjoy the current beautiful relationship with such a good current girlfriend.

Let's try stepping out of our current roles and thinking about it.

The above discussion presents a few different perspectives for your consideration. If any of it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can choose to ignore it. These are just some assumptions.

Next, we will examine the underlying psychological mechanisms behind your feelings and needs so that you can better understand and accept yourself.

First of all, your attention to and comparison with your boyfriend's first girlfriend reflects a deep-seated need to be loved and valued. This need is fundamental in any relationship, especially when you feel that you are being neglected or undervalued in some way.

You want proof that you're his number one. You're curious about his past because it affects your self-esteem.

Secondly, your mention of the details of their sex life shows that you want a sense of security and belonging in an intimate relationship. Sex is not just about physical contact; it's also about emotional connection.

You need to be the sole focus of your boyfriend, so you have every right to be worried that he is not reciprocating your emotional investment.

Furthermore, your resentment of your boyfriend visiting his ex-girlfriend's space is likely because it touches on your need for loyalty and commitment. In a relationship, everyone wants to be the sole focus of their partner, and any reminiscing about the past is a threat.

We can deal with these feelings by trying the following methods.

☆Emotional expression: Share your feelings with your boyfriend and let him know that you are disturbed by his past and the impact this has on your self-esteem. You need to communicate with him sincerely to build deeper understanding and trust.

☆Boundary setting: Set clear boundaries in the relationship. Discuss what behavior is acceptable and what makes you uncomfortable. This protects your feelings from being hurt.

Focus on your own growth and happiness and cultivate an independent sense of self-worth. This will boost your self-confidence and keep you balanced in the relationship.

Seek professional guidance if you find it difficult to deal with these emotions on your own. A professional can provide you with tools and strategies to help you understand and manage these complex emotions.

Everyone's emotional experiences are unique, and people change over time. Your current feelings are important and deserve to be heard and respected.

You can take care of your emotions and feelings, enjoy the present, and look to the future. Give yourself time and space to adapt and understand the relationship.

I am confident that my answer is helpful. The world and I love you! *^O^*

Hello, my name is Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu, and I'm a Heart Detective coach!

First love is so unforgettable for so many reasons! It's not just about looks. It's about the amazing person who was there with you when you first fell in love and tasted the sweetness of love. It's like when you first try a piece of cake. No matter how delicious the next piece is, you will never forget the happiness you felt when you first tasted it.

It's important to remember that infidelity isn't necessarily a sign of a lack of love. It can be a result of many different factors, including passion, loneliness, or regret. It's also not uncommon for people in long-distance relationships to seek love elsewhere. It's natural to feel a sense of loss when someone you care about leaves your life, and it's okay to feel regret and guilt for having lost someone for your own reasons.

It's often said that people value the most what they can't get and what they've lost. This person is so grateful for what they have right now that they see what's lost as a white rose and a red birthmark; what's gained becomes mosquito blood and rice grains. This isn't the questioner's fault, but it's worth understanding how the other person's mentality in dealing with their relationship might be influencing things.

It's often said that happiness comes from comparison, and the same is true of misfortune. If you want to make yourself unhappy, find someone to compare with. It can really take the wind out of your sails! The questioner's comparison with the other person's ex-girlfriend may put him under pressure, and there may be the following factors:

It's so important to respect each other's space. When someone looks at your space, it can feel like they're invading your privacy and making you feel like you have no secrets. It can also make the other person think about some unhappy past experiences.

It's totally understandable that dwelling on the past with your ex can make you recall a lot of things, including memories of infidelity and the pain of losing them. It's only natural to want to avoid communication in these moments.

It's possible that the questioner's attitude of comparing and looking down on his ex-girlfriend may also be reflected in his communication. This could trigger feelings of guilt towards his ex-girlfriend, which might make him reluctant to communicate with the questioner.

It's so easy to do! When the questioner compares himself to his ex-girlfriend, he may unconsciously put himself in a position to be compared. And his boyfriend will also compare the questioner's character and other aspects with the questioner. But it's not easy to win in the other person's heart when you're comparing with someone who has already been lost!

We all have a past, and dwelling on the other person's past can sometimes be a bit of a challenge. It can open up old wounds and make it tricky to focus on getting along with each other. This can sometimes lead to some conflicts, but we can work through them together!

Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes for a moment. Would you like it if the other person kept staring at your ex and forced you to face these details every day? If the answer is no, then perhaps you can try to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It's so interesting how the bigger the creature, the quieter it is! After puberty, we all experience a breakup, social trials, and other things. Gradually, we mature, act more steadily, and as we grow older, work pressure increases, energy is lacking, and it's totally normal that we are unable to do certain things.

Happiness is for you, sweetheart. It's not about proving anything to anyone else. The other person's past is their own, and no matter how much we like them, they will always be an ex. Try asking yourself what you want in the present moment. This might help you to focus less on the other person's ex.

It's totally normal for two people to need their own space and secrets. Give him the freedom to have his own privacy and sealed memories, and it'll make you both feel more relaxed.

Love is when two independent people come closer together. Feelings are like sand between your fingers. The tighter you hold on, the faster it will be lost. Nobody likes to be loved so closely that they can't breathe! Maybe you can try to take a step back, allow him to process and digest his emotions, and give him some time to let go of the past. If you are unwilling to accept and cooperate, perhaps a period of calm separation to think things through will help communication.

It's so important to love yourself well. When we have our own focus in life, we'll naturally pay less attention to whether the other person loves us or not. I really like a saying I once heard: if you bloom, the butterflies will come; if you are wonderful, God will make his own arrangements.

Take a moment to ask yourself why you care so much about his relationship with his ex. Is it because you're struggling to accept that you're better than your partner in every way, but you don't get the same level of love in return? Or is it because you care too much and are afraid that your partner will leave? It's okay to feel this way. We all have insecurities, and it's natural to want to be loved and accepted. But try to become aware of the source of your inner unease. This can help you to better regulate your state of mind.

I'd highly recommend reading "When You Start Loving Yourself, the Whole World Will Love You Back" and "How to Hug a Hedgehog"!

Wishing you all the best!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

When it comes to love, we're both full of hope and afraid of getting hurt. In the middle of failed romantic experiences, we try to learn how to protect the relationships we want with the methods we've learned, but we sometimes forget that the wrong methods can have the opposite effect.

The real reason for not moving on.

The questioner has been in a few relationships, and this is his fifth. After getting together, he found out that the current one had been in a relationship for more than two years. The other person was his first love, and they confirmed their relationship together while they were in college.

Student romances are unforgettable, and when you factor in that the white moonlight in your heart is your first love, it's the first "teacher" in your current love life. That's also why your current love still acts as if he can't forget his first love after they broke up.

They're in different places, and the questioner's current partner was the one who cheated on her first love, which led to the breakup. So, the questioner's current partner feels somewhat guilty towards her first love. Maybe he's thought that if it weren't for all those other factors, his relationship with his first love would still be sweet and happy.

Not having clear boundaries can make you feel insecure.

Not all exes are the current partner's imaginary enemy. It's more accurate to say that the partner's sense of boundaries and behavior determine whether they see the ex as an enemy. The questioner and the current partner met a few years after they broke up. Logically, the current partner should have moved on from that past relationship and learned from past failed relationships to better manage the relationship they are in now.

The questioner's current relationship treats him well. He knows he's a great partner. He's also very good to his current partner in every way. He's even better than his first love. He thinks this will help him maintain a strong relationship.

In their past relationship, the questioner knows how often they had sex and that it was always the current one who took the initiative. To show the current one how good he is and to demonstrate the difference between him and his first love, the questioner is more proactive in this regard.

However, the questioner's initiative didn't get the same response from the current one. Even after being in a relationship for a while, the current one said that he and the questioner didn't have a strong desire for sex. The different attitudes made the questioner doubt himself, wondering what he lacked compared to the current one's first love.

Why are you so invested in your current partner's first love?

There's a reason for this. When you're faced with someone who's become a part of the past and hasn't been in your real life at all since you confirmed the relationship, but who you've always cared about, the biggest reason is probably your partner.

There's an issue here. The reason the questioner needs to take the initiative to show goodwill and put in more effort to protect the relationship is because they understand that love needs to be nurtured with care. However, the reason they're worried about losing the relationship isn't their own problem.

The lack of boundaries on the part of the questioner's partner has affected the questioner, causing them to doubt themselves and wonder if they haven't done enough or if there's something about themselves that's inferior to their current partner's first love.

A good relationship allows each person to grow at their own pace, rather than trying to force things to work. Looking at your past, it seems that the current relationship hasn't fully moved on, and some of their actions, which they believe don't affect others, have affected the questioner. If they can't be devoted to one person, why bother attracting other people?

☀️ Communicate: The questioner is concerned about the past of the current partner and his first love. Has the current partner ever mentioned it to the questioner? If not, it means that he hasn't been paying enough attention and hasn't noticed the questioner's concerns in their daily interactions.

This relationship is between the questioner and their partner, and it's not helpful to let past issues affect the relationship. If you spend too much time dwelling on the past, your partner might not even notice.

The current attitude towards himself is different from before. The question owner can take the initiative to discuss this issue with the current one and see if there's a solution to the problem. If you let it go and take it as it comes, the accumulated problems will affect the two people's final choice of this relationship.

Admit the reality: everyone has different standards for a partner. The questioner is better than the current first love in every way, but in the face of some of the current's actions, the questioner knows which of them is more important to the current.

The questioner isn't happy with some of the current first love's actions. She feels like she's willing to go to such extremes to keep the questioner. Attempts to belittle the other party haven't made the questioner care less about the other party, nor have they improved the questioner's relationship with the current party.

The fact that the original poster can't let go of their first love is really affecting their self-confidence and self-assurance. Letting go doesn't mean that they still love the other person, but that they feel guilty and want to know from time to time whether she is happy, so that they can feel better about themselves.

It might be a good idea to seek professional help with your boyfriend. With guidance, you can probably work out the real problems affecting your relationship. You can also learn more about managing an intimate relationship together, find a way for you both to get along, and gain your own happiness.

I hope this helps the questioner. Best regards.

Hello, dear questioner!

From what you've told me, it seems like you're really interested in what your boyfriend did with his first girlfriend. I can also see that you're feeling a bit jealous of the things your ex-girlfriend, your boyfriend, and your friends have said. This might be making you feel a little insecure. I also understand that your first love was the first time you fell in love, and it'll always be special to you. You're not quite as confident as you could be, and you're comparing yourself to your first love because she's the one your boyfriend can't compare to. But she's just your first love, and there are many other people in the world who are imperfect too. Your first love isn't perfect, but it's always irreplaceable. Every relationship we have is a learning experience.

It's totally normal to doubt yourself sometimes. We all want to be the chosen one, not the one being compared to and chosen instead. This can make us feel insecure and even make us feel inferior. It's natural to want to compare ourselves to others, too.

My boyfriend has had several romantic relationships, and it seems that these exes haven't taught him to grow. Infidelity just means that he's not quite able to sincerely and exclusively manage a relationship, or that as soon as something in the relationship makes him unhappy, he'll look for a bit of excitement. Perhaps the relationship with his first love was really good at the beginning, so after the infidelity he misses the "white moonlight" and feels guilty and self-blame.

It's so important to remember that if someone often talks about their ex in front of their current partner, it can have an impact on their current partner. The effect will vary from person to person, depending on the severity. For example, if you seem to care a lot about what your current partner thinks of you, it may be that you and your boyfriend are still obsessed with the past. But you don't realize that no matter how good the past was, it's already gone. The important thing is to live in the present, and I'm here to help you do just that!

I really want to help you, so I'm going to give you my advice.

It's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Is this kind of comparison really meaningful? And if so, what is the meaning? The past is the past, and dwelling on it will only cause trouble. The present and the future are the real new beginning.

It's so important to be aware of whether your boyfriend still loves you and whether he'll say things that hurt you (become cold towards you, talk about his ex) after not being with you for long. It's also good to think about whether he's having second thoughts, for example, and looking for someone else or cheating on you for reasons that make you feel unwanted. (I'm just throwing these out there as possibilities.) It's a good idea to observe and identify whether your boyfriend is a responsible person. Intimacy also requires boundaries. Not everything can be discussed. An intimate relationship like that between friends is actually the best way to get along.

It's so important to take care of yourself! Don't focus on your boyfriend or your first love, focus on loving yourself well, improving yourself, and becoming an amazing, independent, outstanding person! Even if your boyfriend leaves, you'll be just fine!

I think it would really help you to rethink what intimacy means. It's not about prying into your partner's past, but about building a great relationship with them now. I'd love for you to read "Intimacy: Achieving Soulmates" to get a better understanding of what intimacy is all about.

Finally, you can also suggest to your boyfriend that he speak with a professional counselor. From the counselor's perspective, we can identify the root of the problem and find a way to resolve the conflicts between you that is more effective.

I really hope this advice helps the person who asked the question. I wish them all the best for a happy life!

Stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future.

Everyone's romantic experiences are unique. They don't define our future. Your boyfriend's past with his first girlfriend is just history. It doesn't define your present or future.

1. Enjoy the present and focus on the future.

Your boyfriend is calm with you, but passionate with his ex. Passion fades, while understanding, respect, and tolerance last.

Your relationship may be stable, but he still loves you. He may just be trying to adapt.

Cherish every moment in this relationship. Don't dwell on past memories.

Believe in your future together. Work together to face challenges and your relationship will grow.

2. Forget about comparisons and love yourself.

You said you think you're better than his first girlfriend, but you still feel jealous. This makes you anxious and you can't enjoy your relationship.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Your boyfriend chose you because he sees the good in you.

Cherish this relationship and don't worry about his past.

You must also love and respect yourself. This helps you get along better with others and enjoy love.

3. Build trust and grow together.

Trust is important in a relationship. You have to believe your boyfriend loves you and is willing to do anything for you.

Give him trust and support so he knows you love him.

Your relationship will have difficulties and challenges. But if you're honest and support each other, you'll overcome them.

You can set goals together and work together to improve your life.

4. Stay independent and pursue your own interests.

Love is wonderful, but don't focus all your energy on your boyfriend. Keep some independence and pursue your own interests.

Having your own interests and social circles will make you more fulfilled and confident. This will also make your boyfriend feel attracted to you.

You must respect your boyfriend's independence. Don't try to change him.

Respect and tolerate each other and grow together.

5. Let go and embrace a new life.

Finally, learning to let go is an important step towards happiness. The past is history.

Face the present and future with courage. Let go of the past and embrace a new life.

When you let go of the past, your heart becomes wider and brighter. You cherish the happiness and beauty in front of you and move more firmly towards the future.

Your boyfriend will grow and change with you, and you will create a happy future together.