I always feel like I owe others, what's wrong?

Dear Question Asker, My name is June Lai Feng.

From your description, I understand that you are a kind and responsible individual. In your family, you may have been taught to prioritize the needs of others over your own. This may be due to an overabundance of responsibility, a feeling that you are responsible for the success and happiness of others.

This mindset can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety, as there is a perception that one is unable to meet the expectations of others.

This situation often stems from a lack of confidence in one's own value and abilities, as well as a tendency to feel that one is not as competent as others or that one is causing trouble for others. As a result, one may believe that one is always in debt to others.

However, a persistent sense of obligation to others can be a source of discomfort. This mindset can contribute to stress and anxiety, which may have an impact on mental health.

To overcome this feeling and improve this state of mind of owing others, we can take the following steps:

First, acknowledge these emotions within yourself.

Secondly, it is important to recognise your own value and importance and not always prioritise the needs of others above your own. It is also essential to recognise your own needs and rights and ensure they are met and respected.

It is important to learn to say "no," set reasonable boundaries for yourself, and avoid making sacrifices to please others. It is also essential to communicate your expectations and limitations clearly.

Furthermore, it is important to boost self-esteem through positive affirmation, remind yourself of your achievements and strengths on a daily basis, and strengthen a positive self-image.

It is important to understand that everyone has their own responsibilities. If the guilt stems from a specific event, it is advisable to let go of that emotion.

It is also advisable to cultivate connections with individuals who respect and encourage you, while avoiding relationships in which you feel constantly indebted.

Finally, consider adopting a different perspective. Rather than viewing the assistance provided by others as a burden, strive to cultivate gratitude and appreciation for it. Additionally, you may find it beneficial to contribute more to the efforts of others, which can enhance your own sense of value.

I hope you find this advice useful in improving your situation.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a pleasant day.

Hello, host.

I want to help you. Please give me your feedback.

The question makes me feel for the poster. I want to give them a hug.

There are two types of judgments: fact and value. In a fact judgment, there is a standard answer. For example, if you ask how tall you are, we can measure it.

But there's no standard answer for value judgments. For example, if I say you're too tall.

This is a value judgment because everyone has a different idea of what "tall" means.

I want to explain these two concepts so the poster understands our answers are based on our understanding, experiences, and values. The answers are just for the poster to consider. I hope the poster won't regard our answers as the standard ones.

The original poster did not make the matter clear. One or two things cannot lead to a conclusion. If the original poster says they owe it to their mother, it is acceptable because mothers love their children.

If the original poster said "always" or "someone else," that's strange. You said, "These other people," but you don't know them or aren't related to them. How could they let you take advantage of them?

Why do we owe someone?

The strange thing about the world is that we sometimes act based on how we think others will treat us, not on how they have treated us.

You run into one of your brothers on the street. He doesn't say hi. What do you do? It depends. If he was thinking about something and didn't see you, you might walk over, pat him on the shoulder, smile, and say, "What are you thinking about? You didn't even see me?"

If he doesn't want to talk, stay away.

Why do we see things differently? Sometimes we don't even ask for answers.

Even if the host feels this way, it means that other people have been good to you.

The host should be happy. We must repay those who care for and love us. You don't have to help your mother wash dishes.

You can help your mother buy a massage device. That would be good.

It's normal to feel this way. We all feel indebted to our family members at times. But the love and care they give is selfless. You don't need to feel pressured or guilty.

You can help with chores, care about them, or help when they need it. Also, accept their help. This helps family relationships.

I hope this helps. Everyone wants their work to be seen and liked.