I don't want to hit my daughter repeatedly; I hate my inability to love, what should I do?

I hope my reply can be of some help to you.

Firstly, you may feel guilty when you hit your child and wish you could stop. This is an important first step on your journey to change. You have come to Yixinli in search of a constructive way to solve this problem. Reaching out to others can help you find the best way forward.

Secondly, it seems that you express your emotions through scolding and beating. This approach may not be the most constructive, as it can hurt not only others but also yourself. As a woman, it might be helpful to learn to love yourself before you can love others better.

From your description, it seems that your family of origin has caused you a great deal of harm. This has led you to express your emotions in ways that you now recognize as harmful to yourself and others. It's understandable that you dislike this method, but it's also important to recognize that you may have unknowingly become like the one you hate. People in such a family often become insecure and prone to anxiety.

It is understandable that when it comes to your love for your child and his disobedience, you become impatient. It is also understandable that you use the same methods of beating and scolding from your own childhood to deal with your child. However, it is important to be aware that your child is also fighting back against you in this way. This can have a negative impact on your child's future expression of emotions.

You have come to Yixinli with the hope of changing your perception and the way you express your emotions.

It would be beneficial for you to accept your own character flaws and learn more to improve your understanding. It is important to remember that only your height can determine the height of your child.

There are always many things in life that don't go our way, and there are many things we can't control. It is important to be able to face and accept these challenges with an open mind. I also suggest that you learn more about child development psychology, understand the psychological characteristics of children during this period, understand and accept your child's current situation, and use the most reasonable approach, a gentle but firm approach, to face the problems your child presents.

As a first-time mother, you may feel like you don't have all the answers, but the good news is that you can always learn more. I hope you will consider making a few changes now to avoid any future regrets. Start by taking care of yourself, and then you can influence your child to cultivate an inclusive and cheerful character.

Dear questioner, I've been thinking about your description and I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I can relate to it because I also experienced something similar. It's so important to recognize that everyone has faced challenges in their childhood, but it's also crucial to understand that these experiences don't have to be passed on from generation to generation. I'm so happy you've taken the courageous step of coming to the platform to post your question. This is an amazing first step in breaking the cycle of misfortune.

Your body has a built-in stress response system that helps you cope with everyday challenges.

In his book, The Stairway to Heaven, child psychiatrist Perry talks about children who have experienced childhood trauma and emotional neglect. He explains how stress and violence in early life can affect a child's brain development. From what you've told me, it seems like your father also experienced violence during his childhood.

Our brain has a stress response system that plays a role in arousal, sleep, concentration, appetite, mood, and impulse regulation. It's clear that your father was prone to "overreacting" to stress, and this behavioral pattern was passed on to you. You experienced divorce when you were so young, and the emotional trauma and stress of life were doubled. When you encounter a scene that is very familiar from your childhood (a child crying loudly), you will choose the way you are most familiar with—violence—to deal with these pressures. I'm here for you, and I want you to know that I'm sending you a warm hug. After living under such high pressure for so many years, you have really been through a lot.

I'm here to help you take care of your body and get the social support you need.

Self-care is so important!

I don't know about your own physical condition, but apart from feeling a bit irritable, do you often feel back pain, neck pain, and shoulder pain? If you have these symptoms, it just means you are feeling the effects of too much stress, and all these troubles are stored in your body, in your du meridians.

Stress and the Du Meridian

The du meridian is a really important one! It runs up to the middle of the person's face, along the middle of the back, and down to the tailbone. This meridian connects all the internal organs, the nervous system, and the endocrine system (hormones).

This is a very powerful meridian, which has a particular influence on chronic diseases and vitality. Because it is closely linked to the spine, the du meridian is very important in dealing with external stimuli. It's a great meridian to know about!

It's really important to know how to deal with stress. Stress is basically just an internal feeling of urgency that develops when we feel threatened, when we feel threatened, and when external forces seem to be greater than we think we can control.

It's totally normal to feel stressed sometimes. We all do! But when you feel stressed all the time, it can be really hard to stay in control. It's like you lose your power, even when you know that hitting children is wrong. It's important to remember that no one, nothing, and no object has the power to control you. You are worthy of love and respect, and you have the power to choose your actions. When you give up your power because you feel that you have not behaved properly or are not good enough, it can take a toll on your body.

It's so important to remember to breathe when you're feeling stressed. When you notice that you're feeling overwhelmed, take a few minutes to relax and do some simple breathing exercises.

[Exercise for you]

Take a moment to close your eyes and picture the situation that makes you feel stressed. Think about your work, social life, or family—which one makes your heart race a bit?

Take a moment to really feel how you would feel in these situations. Then, gently tap the area in the middle of your chest with one finger, take a deep breath, and exhale calmly, relaxing your shoulders, face, and whole body.

Just focus on the situation until you feel calm, and then say the following affirmation:

I feel so relaxed, calm, strong, and rested, even in situations that used to stress me out! I fully accept myself and allow myself to enjoy stressful situations, now and always. I let go of all stress right down to the core, and I have been doing this since the first time I experienced stress.

I'm so happy to say that I feel calm when dealing with all stressful situations!

Make a list of the situations that stress you and the qualities you need to handle them well and feel in control. You've got this! Work on these things until you feel 100% calm and peaceful in all stressful situations.

It's so important to look after yourself when you're going through a stressful time. Stress can affect your bladder meridian and your self-esteem, so it's a good idea to visit a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner to help regulate your body and unblock the meridians in your back. You can also learn to pat and stretch your muscles to become your own personal medical expert. If you continue to do this for a few months, as your back muscles relax and the meridians become unblocked, you will become immune to stress in all situations. You can also help your husband with these treatments. It's so good that you know about this psychological platform and you know how to ask for help from the outside world.

You've got this! You can handle anything that comes your way. Have faith in yourself and be confident. This is the foundation for discovering the world and dealing with many challenges.

[It's so important to build your own support network!]

From what you've told me, it seems like the grandparents have passed away and your mom is nowhere to be found. This means that you and your little one are all that are left to each other. It's so hard when you don't have much support. I know it can be really tough, but there are ways you can get help. You can develop a social support system, apply for social assistance, and attend psychological workshops. I know that social work is now becoming more and more widely available. You can seek support and assistance from organizations such as neighborhood committees, social work offices, and women's federations. It's so important to have people you can turn to. You should also get to know your neighbors and show them your care. You can help each other out. Everyone has times when they are inconvenienced. Even if you can say a few warm words, it will be a great support to you.

I'd really encourage you to join the community's mother's group, and to actively explore opportunities to work from home. It is really worrying to leave such a young child with an elderly person who has suffered psychological trauma, so please be careful. And read more books! I firmly believe in this: knowledge changes destiny.

It's late at night when I finish writing this answer. I hope you're doing well! I wonder what you're doing at the moment, whether you're frowning, with tears in your eyes, exhausted both physically and mentally? I hope your baby is doing well too! I wonder how your baby is doing, whether he's already sleeping peacefully, and whether the trauma has gradually subsided under your caresses?

I'll give you another hug. I'm Zhang Huili, your listener. Please, talk to me. I think you'll find comfort in the old song "Dear Child." I'd be happy to walk with you home. I hope your life will be filled with joy, that you'll find healing in the darkness, that your gifts will flourish, and that you'll live your best, most beautiful life.

Good day.

Host:

After carefully reading the post, I could sense the poster's deep anxiety about parenting. At the same time, I noticed that the poster has courageously faced her inner feelings and actively sought help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help the poster gain a deeper understanding of herself and her emotions, which will in turn help her adjust her parenting style.

I hope that sharing my observations and thoughts in this post will be helpful to the original poster in gaining a richer perspective on herself.

1. Perhaps it would be helpful to see the real way your daughter looks.

From the post, it seems that the poster's daughter is around one year and two months old. At this age, she is naturally curious about the outside world and eager to explore it. This is a natural instinct of human nature, which can be seen as a driving force for growth and development.

It would be beneficial for the host to also have a perception of her at this time. It is important to recognize that she may not yet be able to understand safety education videos or comprehend what is being communicated.

It might be helpful for the host to accept this as a fact. If you accept this fact, it could help your daughter feel less out of control when she goes to the stove.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that without expectations for my daughter, it might be challenging for her to fully grasp the importance of these lessons. I believe that if I tell her, she should know, and if she watches the video, she should know the danger. However, it's possible that my daughter's perception is not yet sufficient to perceive these things.

It might be more efficient for the original poster to simply watch her daughter to ensure her safety, or to implement additional safety measures such as closing the kitchen door and taking other precautions in the kitchen. These are all options that the original poster can consider.

It might be a bit much to expect a little girl not to explore the world. We can't change other people, but we can change ourselves, and we are the only ones in control.

2. It might be helpful to observe your daughter's temperament.

It has been observed that after the hostess hit her daughter, she would often become even more distressed. This is likely because she was feeling uneasy and afraid.

It's important to remember that, to a child, we are their entire world and their guarantee of security and sense of existence. When they don't feel this with us, it's natural for them to feel anxious and fearful, and to cry.

It might also be helpful to consider that if the poster had paid close attention to the other children around them, they would have noticed that many of them would hit back if you hit them. This could be seen as an example of aggression as defined in psychology.

It is possible that she may have perceived your actions as an attack, despite your kind intentions and efforts to look out for her best interests.

Perhaps that's why she fought back at you. It's a natural response.

In light of this, the hostess might consider reminding herself that her daughter is still young and may not fully comprehend her actions. It's also possible that she didn't intend to do harm. Engaging in conversations like this can help to temper our emotions and prevent them from becoming overwhelming.

In a recent post, the author shared that they felt a sense of relief after offering their child powdered milk. This could be attributed to a feeling of being cared for, a sense of security, and a perception that their needs were acknowledged by their mother.

3. It is not always possible to give what others don't have themselves.

The original poster would like to be a gentle and calm mother, but it might be more helpful for her to focus on developing herself and learning to manage her emotions. When we are feeling anxious or uneasy inside, it can sometimes affect the way we interact with others, including our children. It's important to remember that when our hearts are wrapped in emotions, it can be challenging for our rational thinking to emerge.

It might be helpful for the original poster to consider ways of improving themselves and repairing the influence their own family has had on them. It could also be beneficial to identify the circumstances that cause them to lose control and become anxious. By understanding and getting to know ourselves through these things, we can better manage our emotions.

It might be helpful to think about it in terms of driving a car. If we want the brakes to work, it's important to know which pedal is the brake pedal.

It might be helpful to try to look at your own growth experience from an adult perspective and heal the wounds of your own family of origin. When we are internally at peace and not wrapped up in emotions, we naturally have more strength to take care of our children.

4. Strive to be a good mother, not a perfect one.

Perhaps it's not realistic to expect to be the perfect mother. Perfection may be an ideal state, but it is difficult to achieve.

It's worth noting that there's no such thing as a perfect family of origin. Striving for perfection can sometimes lead to feelings of anxiety and unrest if we don't achieve it.

Accordingly, psychology suggests a shift in perspective for the 60-point mother, who is encouraged to recognize that mothers often play a pivotal role in their children's lives, providing both tangible and emotional support. It is essential to embrace our imperfections and cultivate self-compassion.

With this ability, we can also accept the things our daughter does not do well.

I hope that these ideas have been helpful and inspiring for the original poster. However, whether it is reconciling with the original family or raising a new family, it is not something that can be achieved simply by asking a question. What is needed is for the original poster to keep learning and improving, and to upgrade their own system. I suggest that the original poster consider exploring books and courses on psychology.

My name is Zeng Chen, and I work as a psychological counselor.

The comments show that we have a duality of thought when it comes to educating our children. On the one hand, we want to protect them from harm and smack them to stop them from doing dangerous things. On the other hand, we also blame ourselves and reflect on the sense of powerlessness and guilt behind such actions.

As a single mother and having grown up in a single-parent family, you're already off to a great start! Raising a child is inherently a difficult and challenging task, but you're up for the challenge. I can imagine that during this process, when you are in a calmer mood, you also try to express your concern for your daughter in a peaceful way, such as by reasoning with her.

But when I get really excited, I can't help forbidding my daughter from doing dangerous or inappropriate things through violent means.

The good news is that you can overcome this distress! It's not a problem with your personal abilities or character. It's simply a result of the way you were brought up as a child not providing you with a good model. A child who has not been treated gently will also find it difficult to really know how to treat their own child from the very beginning when they become a mother. But you can learn!

Guess what? You don't have to be born knowing how to be a good parent! All you need is a little guilt, reflection, and awareness of the violent treatment of your daughter. Once you've got that, you can start exploring parenting and finding the right way to educate your children.

Now for some great advice on how to do this!

First, you should definitely try to seek out some self-growth counseling and parenting courses!

The good news is that you can overcome these shortcomings! They will have a significant impact on current parenting methods at both the conscious and unconscious levels. When faced with a child's fearless approach to exploring the outside world, and when the child tries to express their emotions by crying, it is very easy for a mother, without learning and self-adjustment, to continue treating the child in the same way as she was treated. But you can do better!

So, in addition to self-awareness, why not try consciously seeking psychological counseling for self-growth and taking relevant parenting courses to understand the developmental laws of infancy and childhood? You can even try to heal yourself in the process of raising your child!

Second, when your child cries, there are so many other gentle and effective alternatives to beating and scolding!

The good news is that the legal system is now more complete and pays more attention to safeguarding children's rights. This means that even biological parents can no longer abuse and beat their children wantonly. They will easily violate the law of the land according to the relevant laws and regulations, such as the Law on the Protection of Minors.

So, finding alternative methods is not only a mother's love for her child, but also a citizen's requirement to abide by the laws and regulations—and it's a great way to show your love and commitment to your child!

When you're feeling calm, think back to a time when your child was engaging in dangerous behavior that could have harmed them. This is a great opportunity to reflect on how you can communicate with your child in a way that's effective and age-appropriate. A child of 1 year and 2 months is still too young to understand reason, so it's important to use positive reinforcement and encouragement.

When you're feeling calm, think back to a time when your child was engaging in dangerous behavior that could have harmed you. This is a great opportunity to reflect on how you can communicate with your child in a way that's clear and effective. It's important to remember that a child aged 1 year and 2 months is still too young to understand reason. Using the "eye for an eye" approach might not be the most effective way to guide their logical thinking development.

Correcting a child during this period is an amazing opportunity to love and accept all the unexpected behaviors that arise during their development. The process of establishing rules is a long and difficult one, but it's also an incredible journey of growth and learning.

As a single mother, you have the incredible opportunity to rely on your father to help with childcare, which is a truly special experience.

And there's more! You can also find parenting communities where mothers can interact with each other and learn from each other. This is a great way to reduce the helplessness and loneliness that can come with raising a child alone.

And now for the best part: taking care of your child starts with self-care!

As a single mother, you've had to overcome significant challenges since childhood. Now, you have the incredible opportunity to raise a young child on your own! It's a challenging but rewarding experience.

You're doing great! Give yourself some love and understanding. It's tough, but you're doing it! You're also a first-time mom, and it takes time.

Embrace new experiences and add more elements of your own liking to your life. When you become more enriched, you will be more likely to give more love and care to your daughter.

I wish you the absolute best!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan Coach Fei Yun, and thank you so much for sharing your story with me.

I can really feel the conflict and struggle within you, my friend.

It's a tough spot to be in, isn't it? On the one hand, you're upset by your daughter's "naughtiness" and "messing around," and you even hit her many times. On the other hand, you feel great pain and remorse for the corporal punishment you've inflicted on her, and the resulting self-blame and guilt.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. It's so sad to see children who need love but don't get it. You mentioned that your own family has had a negative effect on you. It's so hard when you don't feel loved and don't know how to love.

It's so important to remember that the emotional state of the parents, their parenting style, and the time they spend with their children can all have a significant impact on a child's sense of security.

It's so sad when a child is between 4 months and 3 years old and doesn't feel safe. They can end up with behavioral, emotional, and interpersonal disorders.

He longed for love within, but didn't know how to receive or give love. That's because we all learn from our parents and our original family.

Over time, they formed their own inherent patterns: behavior patterns, emotional patterns, and thinking patterns.

Of course, the original family has a great influence on a person, but that doesn't mean the original family has to pay for all their misfortunes. I'd love to share a classic story with you:

An alcoholic father gave birth to two sons (twins). The elder brother became a famous local lawyer, while the younger brother became a well-known local alcoholic. A reporter interviewed the family and asked, "Why did they become what they are now?"

The elder brother replied, "Oh, what can I do with an alcoholic father like this?"

The younger brother replied, "Oh, what can I do when I have such an alcoholic father?"

Even though the answers are basically the same, the way the older and younger brother think and believe is different.

We can't change what happened in the past, but we can change how we think about it.

In your family of origin, your grandfather and father were not very nice to your grandmother and mother. You saw what happened and it was really sad. You also grew up without your parents being there for you.

"Because you have suffered, you can feel compassion." Because you grew up in a family with a lack of love, you know even better what a child needs most.

Love is unconditional acceptance. You carried her in your womb for nine months, and she and you were once symbionts. She is just a little over one year old, and she needs your protection and all your love, especially now.

As a fellow mother, I have every confidence that you love your child. I know you didn't mean to hit her, but we all have our own unmet needs. I'm sure you just need some love.

We all want to be seen, recognized, and accepted.

"Behind every behavior there is an unmet need." Take a moment to think about it. What other ways could you meet your needs without lashing out at your child?

We love others, but we must first learn to love ourselves. I'd like to ask you, do you love yourself?

Do you think you deserve it? Do you deserve love and everything good in life?

We all have three inner states:

Parents, adults, and the inner child. It's so important to understand, accept, and recognize that child, who, from a very young age, began to protect you. She bore the fear of her frail body being beaten by her grandfather, her mother, and her father, who beat you when you were a child.

Give that little one a big hug and tell her how much you appreciate her for always looking out for herself.

It's so important to remember that if parents aren't healed, they might pass on their wounds to their children.

Love is something we can all learn to do! It's an ability that can be cultivated through learning and training.

I really think you should look into getting some professional psychological counseling. It'll help you heal yourself and your past wounds, and then you'll be able to love again!

I really hope this has been helpful for you. And I just want to say that I love you and the world loves you too! ??

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep in touch and see how you're getting on!

Hello, dear questioner! Thank you so much for your question.

After reading your question, I can totally feel your pain and the pain and guilt you feel after hitting your daughter.

1. About not wanting to hit your daughter but hitting her anyway.

Regarding the part "I don't want to hit my daughter again and again. I hate myself for being unable to love her. What should I do? My 1-year-and-2-months-old daughter has been moving around the kitchen counter many times. She doesn't listen even after being told many times. Watching safety education videos is useless..." I can see that you are really trying to do the right thing by your daughter. You are worried about her moving around on the kitchen counter and getting into danger. You have tried to explain to her many times, but she doesn't listen. You are feeling frustrated and helpless. I am here to help you. I can see that you don't want to hit your daughter again. You are trying to find a way to communicate with her in a way that she will listen. You are trying to show her that you love her and

I can see that you obviously don't want to hit your daughter, but you always do it because you are worried about her moving around on the kitchen counter and getting into danger. After repeatedly trying to tell your daughter that this is dangerous

And after showing your daughter the safety education videos, you tried your best. But, you really feel helpless and don't know what to do, right?

At this moment, can the questioner perceive his own state? Let's accompany ourselves and see what is going on inside!

I feel that after hitting your daughter out of concern for her safety, you actually hated yourself for this behavior. Because you understood this behavior as harming your daughter, right?

And you know what? You're also feeling pretty annoyed and helpless, right?

Let's take a deep breath together and calm our daughter down!

Come on, give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back! You can do it! Learn to hug and comfort yourself first.

2. Now, let's dive into the original family of the questioner!

I'm a single mother and I grew up in a single-parent family too! My mom left my dad when I was young because he was abusive, and my dad was too busy working to take care of me, so I was raised by my grandparents.

When I was a child, my grandfather often beat my grandmother and me at home, and my father sometimes beat me at home too. It was a wild time!

Now that my grandparents are gone, my dad still has a bad temper and always loses his cool at home. But when he's not around, no one can help me with the kids! I'm determined to break the cycle of violence and raise my children in a peaceful, loving home.

In fact, you have already begun to awaken, and you are very aware that violence in your family is passed down from generation to generation through learned behavior. This is a very good start! So what we need to do at this moment is to be more tolerant of ourselves.

This is a great start! Being self-aware is already a huge step in the right direction. Keep up the great work! Awareness is the first step to healing.

And the great news is that after that, it is likely that it will take three generations of effort. Of course, this is just a more traditional way of saying it.

The great news is that we can absolutely get out of the compulsive repetition of the original family! It all depends on our willingness and choice to integrate body and mind.

3. So, how can we best educate our daughter?

So, how can we best educate our daughter in the face of the challenging task of raising her?

Absolutely! We weren't treated properly either. So, how to educate our daughter well is a challenge, but also an amazing opportunity for you to heal.

Ms. Satya once said something really interesting!

"The problem is not the problem, it's how we deal with it!"

In other words, you can turn any problem into an opportunity for growth! If we don't see it as a problem, but rather as a chance to learn and grow, we can make a change in our mindset and watch the course of events change right before our eyes.

For example, if our daughter is curious about the stove, we can think about how we would be treated if she were us. This is a great way to help her stay away from danger!

The questioner's daughter is only 1 year and 2 months old, so her brain is still developing! This means she may not be able to understand what she sees in videos. So, let's use a barrier to keep her away from the stove and draw her to more interesting places!

Absolutely! Let's give it a try!

Absolutely! We can definitely keep dangerous small objects away from her as much as possible, right?

If the questioner really wants to educate her daughter, there's no better way than to re-educate ourselves while raising our daughter. And guess what? We all have an inner child, deep down inside!

When we feel angry, helpless, sad, and so on, it is actually him calling out to us to look inside and spend some time with him—and it's a wonderful thing!

The great psychologist Carl Jung once said:

The inner child is the brightest, most powerful force for good in our lives. When we embrace and nurture our inner child, we pave the way for healing and transformation.

I truly believe that when we can be kind to our inner child and take good care of him or her, raising a daughter will be a breeze for you!

I really hope the above answers are helpful to you! The world and I love you!

I would like to extend my sincerest condolences to you. It is evident that you have endured a great deal and have demonstrated remarkable fortitude.

Let's collaborate to organize the details of your story.

1. The subject was raised in a single-parent family with a single mother.

2. The child is one year and two months old.

3. The questioner did not receive any care from his mother during his formative years.

4. As a result of your father's work commitments, you were raised by your grandparents.

5. The grandfather displayed a propensity for anger management issues, which manifested as physical violence against both the grandmother and the subject.

6. Additionally, your father has been known to engage in violent behavior towards you.

7. Now that your grandparents are deceased

8. The father still exhibits a poor temperament, yet it is imperative that he assume responsibility for the care of your child.

9. The daughter moved the stove and placed the paper clip in her mouth.

10. Despite repeated warnings, the child remained unresponsive. Attempts to educate her through safety education channels were unsuccessful.

11. You resorted to physical discipline to ensure your child's safety.

12. The child became distressed and bit the hand of the adult, resulting in swelling.

13. You bit her arm to demonstrate the pain associated with being bitten.

14. The child continued to cry, but became somewhat more composed when the formula was administered.

15. You are experiencing significant distress regarding the most effective methods for educating, protecting, and loving your child.

From reading your story, I can discern that you are a young mother who has not received sufficient love and support, and that you are attempting to provide your child with the love and security you lacked as a child.

Your ability to document this experience demonstrates your perceptiveness, which is commendable. To facilitate change, it is essential to recognize and address shortcomings.

You demonstrate a high level of care and attention to your child, including noticing the paper clip in her mouth and her touching the stove. This is a positive indicator.

We invest in relationships because we recognize the value in becoming better versions of ourselves.

I would like to take this opportunity to share the following information with you:

It is to be expected that any new mother will find it challenging to care for a child.

Furthermore, you are facing a significant challenge with limited support. This is a demanding task.

Therefore, before making any changes, reflecting on our actions, or criticizing ourselves, it is important to acknowledge our efforts and support ourselves.

It is challenging, and we are doing our utmost. We should acknowledge this.

It is important to recognise that children have different needs and characteristics to adults.

A one-year-old has recently acquired the ability to vocalize "mama" and has also begun to walk. She displays a keen interest in exploring her surroundings and is eager to interact with them in various ways.

It is important to recognise that this is the nature of every child.

In order to achieve this, it is essential to consider how we can align with the natural tendencies of the child, while also providing guidance on safety and offering a nurturing environment.

It is possible to provide the child with a suitable, safe item that will capture their attention.

Would a small drum or a small stuffed animal be suitable?

Would you like to see some toys? Perhaps a cloth book?

Would you kindly provide me with an apple?

We utilize safe, quality items to engage the child and facilitate exploration.

In the event that children come into contact with unsafe items, such as sharp, small, or hot objects,

It is also possible to take the child in our arms and confiscate the item in question, placing it out of the child's reach.

The process of education and companionship is lengthy. Along the way, you will see positive outcomes, but also experience fatigue and mental exhaustion.

It is acceptable to lose one's temper on occasion and to make mistakes.

In light of the understanding that we cannot always be perfect, it is important to allow our children to occasionally exhibit behaviors that are less than ideal.

It is important to accept your own limitations and recognize that you cannot be perfect. Striving for excellence is commendable, but it is also essential to understand that doing your best is a significant achievement in itself.

It is important to accept that children are young and lack knowledge, and that education is not a rapid process.

It should be noted that growth and development occur over time.

Together, mother and child can enjoy a fulfilling life, and the process is also important.

It is acceptable to make mistakes along the way. With increased patience and confidence, a mother who is self-aware, introspective, and who loves her child will perform well.

It is important to remember that for a one-year-old, you are their entire world.

When you love her, demonstrate understanding and patience with her and yourself.

There is no need to be in a hurry to achieve perfection as a mother.

I hope you find this information useful.

Hello,

Do you feel like you're losing control when you're taking care of the baby and you've hit it?

You're also anxious and confused, right?

You are a responsible and caring mother. You worry about your baby's safety and health.

This caused your baby to lose control of his emotions, as well as yours.

For a 1-year-old and 2-month-old baby, try to educate them using a child's perspective.

How can I take better care of the baby? It might not work because the child doesn't understand.

The following perspectives:

Do you have a stable emotional state and rational thinking?

Is the child's bad behavior unsafe?

If you're anxious, even the smallest thing can set you off.

This can cause a commotion in you.

When we're anxious, we overreact to bad events.

This makes us more anxious.

But do you know about the child's attachment patterns?

A secure attachment is when:

The child and mother are comfortable together.

But soon, the child adapts and is happy to see her mother.

The child quickly adapts and is happy to see the mother.

The mother is sensitive to the child's emotions and has a positive attitude.

They will respect the child's needs, give them space to explore, and let them make mistakes.

They will interact more with their children, do the same things with them, laugh and make movements together, provide emotional support for their children's activities, and inspire them often. A secure attachment is the best kind of attachment.

This is comfortable and natural.

This is the best type of attachment relationship. The mother accepts the child stably and continuously.

The child knows they are loved, won't be abandoned, and the world is safe.

Such children are more adaptable as adults and form trusting relationships.

They can also have flexible and comfortable boundaries in intimate relationships.

Avoidant attachment

The child doesn't care if the mother is there or not. When the mother leaves, they don't resist.

They ignore the baby, pay no attention to him, and rarely show signs of tension or anxiety. When the mother returns,

The child ignores his mother.

The baby sometimes welcomes the mother's return, but only for a short time.

The parents are insensitive to their babies.

Rarely meets the baby's needs or gets pleasure from being close to the child.

Or they are over-enthusiastic, over-stimulate, and force the baby to create certain needs.

This is a bad attachment. It changes the child's life.

This is a poor attachment relationship. It can change a child's life.

The child easily becomes close to strangers, which is dangerous. If a stranger has something good, such as a toy,

If something tasty is offered, a stranger will take it. The child will grow up with an indifferent or cold personality.

They don't care about life. They avoid family and socialize instead.

When they're away on business, they read or watch TV at home, avoiding family. Their spouses' intimate behavior makes them feel uncomfortable.

They feel controlled and want their own space. Sometimes they show they need intimacy.

However, when their needs are met, they withdraw and get angry.

They try to please when they feel like they're losing the other person. Once they feel secure, they withdraw and avoid.

They are ambivalent about their relationship with their mother.

Ambivalent attachment pattern

The child spends most of the time in unfamiliar situations around their mother.

They watch for when their mother is about to leave. When she leaves, she is distressed and resistant.

A brief separation causes a tantrum. When the mother returns, the child is ambivalent.

He wants to engage with her but also resists. If she hugs him, he pushes her away.

He can't play anymore, but looks at his mother sometimes.

The mother's inconsistent parenting style makes the baby feel desperate.

The baby feels desperate about the parents' attitude and approach. To get attention, they either cling to their parents or cry.

Or cry. If all efforts are in vain, they will become angry and resentful.

The mother may rarely spend time with the child or pay attention to them.

The child only gets attention when he makes a mistake. There are many mothers like this.

This is especially true for working mothers.

This is also an insecure attachment pattern. The child is often anxious and angry.

The link between parent and child is maintained by anxiety and anger.

They are more prone to anxiety. They may also become overly dependent on others.

Or they just detach from the world and don't want to be close to others.

and displays disorganized attachment patterns.

Disorganized attachment pattern

The child's behavior is inconsistent and contradictory. When faced with pressure, she seems to collapse.

The child's response is confused and contradictory. When the mother returns, the baby behaves more uncertainly. The mother hugs them.

They look sad and avoid eye contact with their mother.

Some babies cry a lot after being soothed by their mothers.

These mothers neglect or abuse their children.

Children don't know what mood their mother will be in.

They don't know what to expect. The child may have behaved well, but because the mother is unhappy,

The child may have stolen from someone.

But today, she was in a good mood and forgave him. Mothers of these children often suffer from depression.

Mothers often feel afraid, unsure, and unhappy.

This attachment is the least secure.

The child will also become inconsistent. He will become someone who doesn't know right from wrong.

He will become very emotional.

Attachment is formed through the infant's interactions with the mother.

The mother's sensitivity to the baby's signals is important.

It's important to show you care.

If your baby has an insecure attachment, how should you educate them?

Building empathic, attuned care interactions:

As babies grow, they continue to regulate their emotions through their attachment objects.

Babies can be soothed, calm down, and regulate their emotions if they have had this experience.

As an attachment figure for your baby, you need to know when your baby is hungry or needs something else.

Did they wet the bed again? Or is it an itch?

Mothers need to recognize these signals, greet their child, and use simple language.

A few things to remember:

Don't ignore your child. If you need a moment, respond.

Look your child in the eye when you talk to them.

Look at your child's misbehavior with optimism. When your child's behavior is annoying, relax.

Bad moods pass quickly.

Show your feelings with your face, eyes, body language, and words.

Understand what your child needs to feel secure and calm.

Play games with your child. Find games that suit their age. Have fun together.

Be aware of how your family of origin affects your parenting.

I don't know what kind of personality you have if you grew up in a single-parent family. If you are an anxious mother,

You may need psychological help or counseling to recover from early trauma.

For example, when you're angry and the baby makes you feel that way.

Think about where the feeling comes from.

If you're rough with your baby, think about how your parents treated you.

And finally, a reminder:

The baby can't understand the risks of the stove, so you need to watch out for him.

To keep him safe, don't punish him.

This is how you should treat adults or older children.

Finally, I want to say again that there is not a lot of information about babies. The above analysis and suggestions are just for reference.

I'm counselor Yao. I'm here to support you at Yixinli!

Hello, I'm Meng Xiaoxiao. I can tell the questioner is really upset about what happened. I just wanted to give the questioner a hug.

All parents feel this way. I get it. I understand the anxiety and helplessness you feel right now. You're on your own in this, with no one to help you. You're so tired that it's hard for you to take care of your own emotions, let alone love your child.

At the end of the day, the questioner loves her daughter and is worried about her safety. Her anxiety about her daughter not listening to her is a sign of her love for her child.

Your daughter is at that age where babies are still very self-centered. Because babies are vulnerable and need to be taken care of, the world they see is different from that of adults. In your daughter's eyes, the world revolves around her, and she has a strong sense of dominance over the outside world. Most of her wishes and needs need to be fulfilled by others.

Adults have a certain degree of self-care ability and social functioning, and can rely on their own strength to accomplish it. This means we need to be more patient and understanding during a child's growth.

You've clearly been affected by your family of origin. You're not willing to use the interaction model your parents brought you to take care of your child, but you don't have other social support to help you learn a new relationship model to change the situation. [Breaking away from the stigma of your family of origin] This is a long process. If necessary, you can seek the help of a psychological counselor.

The questioner can link the current confusion to his family's upbringing environment. I believe you've made an effort to reflect and be aware of yourself, and I affirm that you've identified the areas in which you need to change, which is great. Next, what you need to do is take care of yourself, learn to keep your emotions stable, and learn to maintain a balance between mind and body in your life.

I hope my words can be of some help.

Hello, question asker.

I want to give you a warm hug. This is not how you wanted it to turn out. You were powerless as a mother, and although the process was a bit unsatisfactory, there was no standardised sample of childhood or parenting to tell you what to do.

But now you understand that violence cannot be passed on from generation to generation. This is the beginning of change.

Children under the age of three will inevitably encounter all kinds of things as they explore the world. As adults, we are aware of what is dangerous.

It's normal for toddlers not to know what's dangerous.

I'm going to tell you a parenting story. This was the first time I taught my young son through personal experience, without beating him or scolding him, and he never showed any interest in the rice cooker again!

When my son was about two years old, he suddenly became interested in the rice cooker. In particular, the sizzling sound when it was almost ready always attracted him. I knew this couldn't go on forever. It would be terrible if he got burned by the rice cooker one day. So, I began to plan an experiment in situ education.

A few days later, I cooked as usual, and once again the sizzling sound reached my son's ears, and he hurried over to me. I told him, "Come here and touch it."

Mom: Come touch the rice cooker! I pointed at it and made gestures.

Son: He gave a small smile and said nothing.

Mom: I motioned for him to come to me, and he ran into my arms.

Son: At this point, his little paws become restless.

Mom: I took my son's hand, placed it on top of the gas burner, and slowly lowered it until he felt the pain. Then I retracted my hand and turned around to run away.

My son smiled as he walked away without looking back.

He will never be interested in the rice cooker again. He knows the pain.

Children are naturally curious and should be encouraged to explore the world around them, provided it doesn't endanger their safety. If their actions pose a risk, it's essential to provide guidance and supervision.

After that incident, I found the perfect way to educate my son: I give him a sweet treat after a slap.

I have also hit my children when necessary. When they cry, I calm them down and then reason with them.

Rules are rules and cannot be changed. Implanting rules in a child's heart requires methods that the child can accept.

You are already very good, and I know you will become even better. We must first talk about love before we can start educating you.

Home is a place of love, not a place for mere preaching.

You can do it!

I give you a hug. I can feel that.

You're feeling pretty confused and helpless right now.

She really wants to give her daughter a better education.

But she doesn't know any other way to show her love than through violence.

She's also concerned that the baby will move the kitchen countertop and get into trouble.

She's also concerned that her daughter might swallow something she shouldn't.

A one-year-old who's just started walking

She's curious about everything in the house and wants to touch it with her hands and mouth.

And she's a single mother.

You manage work and childcare.

You have to be ready for anything.

I know it's tough for you to be in this position.

Even so, you still want to be a better role model for your daughter.

You want to be a better support to her as she grows.

You have my utmost respect for this.

You want to give your daughter a better love and companionship.

Let's make sure she doesn't have to repeat your childhood.

Living a happier and more blissful life

This motivation and desire are very valuable.

We're aware of that.

Even mothers who grew up in happy families

Caring for a child is a lot of work.

And it's even more challenging for you if you're already dealing with personal issues.

That's even tougher.

So, give yourself a hug first.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Take some time for yourself.

Give yourself the same acceptance and understanding you give your child while supporting them.

Ultimately, you're the child's biggest supporter.

You've shown yourself some understanding and acceptance.

So they have more energy to understand and accept the child.

Next time,

Our daughter is curious about touching dangerous things.

We can just hold our daughter away from it.

Another option is to simply remove the dangerous objects from her reach.

One thing we can do is distract her with toys.

There are also some small things that could potentially hurt her.

We just make sure they don't come into contact with it.

It's important to remember that a one-year-old doesn't yet understand danger.

You can also talk to her about it.

She's just started saying "mama."

It's as if he's trying to tell us something.

It seems the Mauritian is trying to tell us something.

Just a heads-up, it's dangerous.

We could make out what he was saying.

Without knowing what he's trying to say...

It can be tough for very young babies to understand language.

It's a challenge.

We can also hold her away from it.

And make sure there aren't any dangerous objects around.

You can also try to distract her.

You can also give yourself a little more love for her.

Because when a mother smiles at her baby,

Babies are calm and happy.

All kids want to see their mom's smiling face often.

As you love your child,

Just a reminder:

And don't forget to take care of yourself, too.

When you're feeling well, your child will be well too.

When you're at your best, your child will be at their best too.

I hope my answer has been helpful to you.

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world and I love you.

Hello, question asker!

I can see how you feel from reading your question on the platform. It seems like you hit your one-year-and-two-month-old daughter because you couldn't manage your emotions well. I'm sure you feel really bad about it. It's something that every mother in the world goes through. We love our children so much that we can't bear to hit or scold them.

Take it easy! Your child still needs you, so you need to calm down as soon as you can.

How do you decide what's best for your child?

1. The child is still so young and doesn't understand anything at all. Many things need to be slowly practiced and guided. What's the use of scolding and beating? It just makes her more afraid. She'll think that when she grows up, she'll only want to get away from you. She also understands how hard it is for you to raise a child. It's not easy, but it's not a good idea to vent your negative emotions on your own child.

2. From what you've told me about your own experiences, it seems like your family of origin wasn't a great place to grow up. You lived with your father, but he had a bad temper and was always angry and hitting people. Your mother was also driven away by your father. I imagine your childhood must have been full of fear and insecurity. But now you've grown up and become a mother yourself. You have to try to slowly get out of the influence of your family of origin. You grew up in a violent environment, so how would you want your child to experience the same?

3. You're here asking a question, which shows you're aware of this. You know you sometimes lose your temper and don't want to vent on your child. This is a good start! You can't change your father's temper, but you can try to avoid direct conflicts, do your best, and have a clear conscience. As you said, your child still needs his help at home, so you have to find a way to resolve the conflict. As they say, "cross-generational affection." I don't know if your father is treating your child well.

4. Taking care of children is very tiring. Even the most patient person will lose their temper at some point. It's important to share the workload and not overwork. Resting well will give you more energy to raise your child and help him grow up healthy and happy. When you feel emotional, take a deep breath and calm down before educating and guiding your child. Another method that works quite well is to find a way to vent your bad temper (exercise, go out, yell...) in a different way. Just don't take it out on your child. How can a child bear all your negative emotions? The destructive power of your temper when it strikes is very scary.

5. You can read parenting books and watch parenting expert videos to learn more about all aspects of child-rearing. You can also read books like "Raising Girls" and "Nonviolent Communication." I believe you will become more and more peaceful in the future, and there are always appropriate ways to slowly let go of bad emotions.

6. No parent is perfect. We're all human. Your original family has a profound impact on your body, mind, and outlook on life. Similarly, you are also your daughter's original family. If you are not happy, how can you bear to let your daughter follow in your footsteps? You must find a way to overcome such trauma and influence, strengthen your inner self, learn to love yourself and your child, and love yourself. Your father is also a pitiful man, because his bad temper caused the family to break up. Isn't that sad?

Could you also try to be tolerant and understanding? Think of it as a way of moving on from the past, and then see how your father treats his children in the future.

I hope this helps. I'm sending love to you and the world.

Hello, to the person who has experienced this issue first-hand.

I'm Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

Your account really made me feel sad.

I get it, and I'd be happy to talk it through with you.

I hope this is helpful and motivating for you.

1. Reflection is the first step towards change.

You grew up in a single-parent family and didn't get a lot of love from your mom. You love your daughter, but when you see her doing dangerous things and she won't listen, and you can't find a good way to deal with it for the time being, you can only hit her.

You're taking the time to reflect on yourself, and I admire that.

We all have our family of origin to thank for who we are.

When you were a kid, you were brought up the same way.

You don't have any experience with careful nurturing!

You want to be a good parent, but you haven't found a way to do so yet.

So, since we don't want to hit our daughter again and again, let's not blame ourselves.

You don't want this to be the way things are.

And you're also thinking about your child's safety and development.

We just need to learn how to be better parents.

2. It's important to remember to take care of yourself while you're looking after your child.

Single mothers have to deal with a lot of practical challenges.

The responsibilities on your shoulders are even greater.

For instance, "My partner is still grumpy and always loses his temper at home, but if he's not here, no one will help me with the kids."

How's your financial situation looking?

Can you take on some of the work yourself?

When we're tired, it's harder to take care of the kids.

It's important to take care of yourself and get proper rest when you can.

For instance, when your child is asleep, don't stress about getting things done. Instead, take a moment to rest, read a book, or do something that relaxes you.

It's like recharging your batteries.

If we're feeling energized, we're better equipped to handle our kids' needs.

How can a tired mom have so much patience with her kid?

It's important to take care of yourself.

3. Learning to get along with her daughter.

It's not necessarily a sign that she's disobedient when her daughter plays with the stove, puts paper clips in her mouth, or bites people. It's more likely that she's just young and going through a phase.

These behaviors are also her way of exploring and understanding the world.

Right now, we need to make sure we spend more time with our kids and that we're patient with them when we're correcting them. This is especially true for single parents who are short on time.

For instance, if she plays with the stove, you can take her away from it or show her that there are changes, like fire or heat, so that she gradually understands that it can hurt her and she may stop playing with it.

A mother's emotions directly impact her children.

If the mother is emotionally stable, it'll be easier to handle the daughter.

Ultimately, don't say you're a loveless mother. You've already done your best.

Psychologist Zeng Qifeng translated Winnicott's "good enough mother" as a "60-point mother." We don't need to be perfect.

Take a deep breath and try to create a supportive environment for your daughter.

We need to find a way to raise our daughters while also helping the little girl inside ourselves who has been hurt.

If you can, try to get as much support from other sources as you can.

For instance, a good friend can help out with the kids, or you can bring in a part-time employee to help with some of the housework.

Just share these things with your team.

I wish you the best of luck!

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Let's share our insights and help each other! I'm talking to myself, but you're welcome to join in.

Your words show me a child who grew up in a family full of wounds from the original family.

"I don't want to pass on violence to my child" is a heartfelt plea from a loving single mother who is struggling to find a way to control her actions. Today, I'd like to share with you the topic of wounds from the original family. I hope that you can understand why your actions occur, reflect on the past, and find something useful for you.

I'm a single mom, and I grew up in a single-parent family, too. My mom left my dad when I was really young, and my dad didn't pay much attention to me because he was busy working. I was raised by my grandparents.

When I was a little girl, my sweet grandfather would sometimes get a little rough with my lovely grandmother and me at home. My dear dad would also sometimes give me a little whack when I needed it.

First, let's take a moment to understand what is meant by "original family wounds."

We can all agree that any behavior or words from a parent towards their child that are not nourishing or loving, or any parent who makes their child feel ashamed of their own nature, is something we should call "original family injury."

There are four types of wounds from the original family. Today, through your topic, I'd love to share with you one of these wounds: physical wounds.

Physical abuse is a heartbreaking experience. It's not just a physical pain, but also a deep emotional hurt.

It's important to remember that there is a limit to corporal punishment, and it doesn't change based on the parents' emotions. When parents resort to physical abuse, it's often because they're trying to vent their anger and show their children that they're stronger than them and that they must obey them unconditionally.

It's so sad, but the angrier the parents, the more severe the physical abuse.

It's so sad when kids are hurt by their parents. It makes them feel scared and confused. They don't know how to trust someone who hurts them. And they don't know how to keep themselves safe when they're around people who hurt them too.

It's so sad, but physical injury can also make a child feel like their body is worthless and unimportant. This can happen when they've experienced physical abuse and neglect.

It's only natural that children don't always know how to respect other people's bodies. This can lead to some adult children being attracted to partners with a tendency towards violence in intimate relationships. Or, some adult children are unable to control the violence they inflict on their own children or partners after they have formed their own families.

I'm sure you're already aware that you've hit your child without intending to. It's so common for our subconscious minds to be influenced by old wounds from our own childhoods, and it's totally normal to feel like we can't control the urge to inflict violence on our children.

I know this is a lot to take in, and I'm here to help. You might be feeling frustrated and asking yourself, "Why am I hitting my child?" and "How can I stop this cycle?"

I wish I had a standard answer for you, but I'd love to share a few points with you about "getting along with your family of origin" that I hope will be helpful.

First, let's take a moment to think about what it really means to leave the family you grew up in.

When we say "leaving the original family," there are two aspects to consider.

The first step is to stop depending on the care of your original family.

Secondly, you don't need to ask your original family for permission anymore.

When it comes to these two aspects, we have to face one problem, and that is forgiveness. It can be tough, but you've got this!

In psychology, forgiveness is all about letting go of the negative feelings that come up when we don't get what we want in life. It's about facing reality with a peaceful mind and accepting life, even when it's not what we expected.

So, forgiving our parents means that we let go of any resentment we might have for the pain they caused us in our original family. We stop dwelling on how to "get even with them in their own way." We recognize and accept the wounds of our original family, but we don't let them control our emotions.

We know it can be tough to move on from past hurts. It's natural to keep thinking about the pain from the past, but we've found it's more helpful to focus on the present and future. It's so easy to get caught up in the past and miss the beauty and kindness around us. We've been there too!

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. We don't have to shake hands with our parents and make peace with them, and we don't have to approve of their actions. Forgiveness is also not denial. We must always face the wounds of our original family, but we can do it bravely. Forgiveness is even less condoning. We need to continue to protect ourselves from the wounds of our original family. We know that living a healthy, happy, and enjoyable life is the best revenge against the wounds of our original family. We prove to the wounds of our original family with our actions that we are not controlled by them.

When we can truly understand our past and forgive our family members with a peaceful attitude, we will slowly be able to move on from the previous pain and live a healthy, happy, and enjoyable life with our current family. Love yourself and your family well. This may be the best revenge for the wounds of the original family.

I really hope you can see your past wounds and have the ability to live a beautiful life.

I truly believe you can, and I wish you a happy family, full of harmony and happiness!