I feel the family atmosphere is too oppressive; what should I do when I'm almost suffocating?

Hello, question asker.

From your description, I can sense your anxiety, tension, and depression. I'm not sure how old the landlord is, but I'd like to offer you a hug first.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to try to ascertain the root cause of this situation. Has there been a significant change in the relationship between your father and mother? What might be causing your mother to feel insecure? Was the family atmosphere similar when your mother was a child? It may be helpful to understand the underlying cause in order to find a solution.

Additionally, you are an only child, which affords you a unique opportunity to influence this situation. You can try to shift the current atmosphere, which may be perceived as somewhat depressing. For instance, you could consider watching TV with your mother and eating melon seeds together. It might be beneficial to take the initiative. Is your mother not interested in watching TV, or is she hesitant about eating melon seeds for religious reasons?

Perhaps you could think of something yourself and find a way to deal with it. You might also try playing some nice music as background music during the day, without being deliberate, so that your mother can also feel it.

You might also consider suggesting going out to the movies, going on an outing, climbing a mountain, or going on a trip together. All of these things have the potential to be moving and enjoyable. Of course, you could also have a nice dinner with your mother, go for a walk, look at the moon, or go for a run, if you'd like.

There are always many things to do, and it is best to understand the root cause of the problem. If that is not possible, it might be helpful to try to find a way to solve this awkward situation and move forward. It's important not to dwell on it and get stuck in it, because that can make things more confusing and more challenging. It might be worth considering some different approaches.

The original poster is absolutely wonderful!

Your feelings are like a mirror that allows people to see what's really going on. Your mother lacks a stable, independent personality and imposes her expectations on you.

You resist because your thinking is very clear. As the old saying goes, "take the essence and discard the dross." You don't want the dross, you want to reject it, and you will! Life has not taught you patiently how to express your feelings, how to express your rejection, how to maintain your self-esteem while giving someone a way down, and how to reduce the harm to yourself. But you will learn!

To protect yourself, you have sensitivity, depth, and the resilience of vulnerability within you. You choose to "run away to your room," which seems like a great hiding place!

Your home is your haven! It's where you expect to feel safe, and you want to feel that same kind of safety that some of your friends feel at home.

You can't help but ask the heavens and the earth: why can't you have this sense of security? After "rationalizing" the image of your parents, it is even easier for you to attack yourself, blame yourself, and make yourself a target. But you can do it! You can overcome this challenge and emerge stronger than ever.

You mentioned psychological counseling, which is something you could try. If you don't feel ready for it right now, you could watch a TV series called "Female Psychologist," which is made up of individual episodes. One episode is about the relationship between a mother and her daughter. It's a great show!

The mother's control over her daughter completely disregards the daughter's feelings, which causes the daughter to feel unworthy of love. But there's hope! This daughter may make you feel empathy.

The reason for the "hate" is the light of humanity—that is, love!

Sometimes, the poverty of intergenerational transmission lies in the fact that parents do not know what true love is and hurt their children. But this raises an exciting question: should children just accept incorrect love?

Absolutely! Children can change and discover what true love is.

There's no need to rush to repay your parents. First, through reading and practicing listening and communication in other relationships, you can become braver and more determined, no longer reckless or uncertain, no longer afraid of being isolated and abandoned. Because as a human being, you can express your feelings about the incorrect love you feel, and you have the ability and the qualifications to awaken sincere love!

You are an angel with wings!

I'm 3cats, a psychology author who writes about the amazing process of healing your family of origin on Yixinli!

It is unfortunate to observe the various challenging emotions experienced in family life. It is possible that this family dynamic and atmosphere has been ongoing, negatively impacting your personality and emotions.

An oppressive atmosphere can impede the ability to process facts and emotions effectively. Prolonged exposure to such an atmosphere can lead to significant distress and a decline in overall quality of life. It can create a sense of being overwhelmed, necessitating attention to one's emotional state.

It may be helpful to consider why you feel so anxious and uneasy, and whether your parents' approach to you is unpredictable. You may find it beneficial to examine some of your mother's or father's usual behavior to identify potential areas for improvement.

If you are experiencing feelings of fear, you may find it beneficial to document your emotions in a diary. Concurrently, you can reflect on your current circumstances and identify strategies for achieving independence and a fulfilling life. If feasible, it is advisable to seek psychological counseling.

Additionally, you may wish to consider taking a psychological test for wounds from the original family. It is possible that the family may cause you pain and bring all kinds of incredible trauma. It is important to note that this is not something that can be solved quickly, but there are ways to make a breakthrough in reconciliation. You have the option to break through from within, and you can also seek counseling. Best of luck.

Please advise.