I feel uncomfortable when my girlfriend goes out with friends; am I in a one-way relationship?

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, it appears that you are experiencing heightened anxiety as a result of an insecure attachment, rather than the pattern of focusing on your own needs and feelings and demanding that others obey in a monandric relationship.

Furthermore, you demonstrate a clear awareness of your own mental processes and the influence of your familial environment. You can endeavor to understand yourself from a psychological perspective and distinguish between ideas and reality. This is an essential foundation for gradually improving your state.

For children who lack love and are over-controlled by their caregivers, the inner insecurity may be even greater than for those who are simply ignored or controlled. This is because in such an environment, the emotional needs of the child are almost completely unmet. These include the need for attention and love, as well as the need for autonomy and self-awareness.

Over time, this may result in a sense of self-worth that is paradoxically "unworthy," characterized by the belief that one is undeserving of love and that it is challenging to trust that a partner will remain committed over time. Despite a rational understanding that one's girlfriend is not unfaithful by spending time with her friends, an inner sense of unease drives the desire for constant reassurance. Frequent messages from her serve as a form of confirmation, while the couple's consistent proximity and awareness of each other's movements provide a stronger sense of confirmation.

Furthermore, the symbiotic needs of one's mother can also result in the difficulty of separating and individualizing, which can intensify internal conflict. On the one hand, there is the need to separate, and on the other hand, there is the desire to rely on others. It is unclear how your relationship with your parents currently stands, but it may be beneficial to establish a boundary in your relationship with them that you feel is appropriate. This could involve communicating to your parents that you are 28 years old and that you require your own space.

As one becomes more determined, one gains more strength, which in turn affects one's relationships with others.

Additionally, one can gradually expand their worldview. The assertion that one's ideal world is merely the two of them and their girlfriend is a perspective that can be reevaluated. Even an imperfect world offers opportunities for appreciation, autonomy, and the potential to shape one's environment. Learning, pursuing hobbies, and engaging with new individuals can all provide unique insights and inspirations.

It is not essential to accomplish any significant objectives; even the mere observation and experience of one's surroundings constitutes a form of growth and maturation.

Happy New Year to the questioner! It is evident that the questioner cares deeply about his girlfriend and is currently uncertain about his options, but he will find a way forward.

The questioner's description of their intimate relationships reveals a severe lack of security. However, it is possible to establish an intimate relationship despite this lack of security. While it may be challenging, it is not impossible to establish an intimate relationship with the right approach. Therefore, the "one-dimensional relationship" state described by the questioner is not accurate.

The questioner is clearly concerned about whether he is in a monandrous relationship. Knowing what state you are in is indeed conducive to a better understanding of yourself. It is also of great help to the questioner in getting out of his current predicament and establishing a stable, safe, harmonious, and intimate relationship. However, this is only part of the story. The bigger part lies in what the questioner needs to do after knowing the answer.

The questioner highlighted the symbiotic relationship between himself and his parents, as well as the control his parents exert over him. He is now 28 years old, an adult on the brink of his thirties, and is no longer a dependent child. The questioner may have become accustomed to living with his parents and being controlled by them. This way of getting along has undoubtedly brought the questioner a lot of happiness and benefits, despite the difficulties.

The questioner is torn between two options: continuing to be controlled by his parents or living with them. He is dependent on his parents and enjoys the benefits they provide. He is afraid that if he stops relying on them, he will lose these benefits. This makes him hesitant to make a definite choice and unwilling to rebel against his parents' control. However, he can make his own choice. By continuing to rely on his parents and live with them, he is also choosing to give up the opportunity to rely on himself to grow independently and establish a stable, safe, harmonious, and intimate relationship with his girlfriend.

There's always a trade-off. You have to give up something to gain something. It's your choice. And as for the insecurity caused by over-dependence on parents, it's not an unsolvable problem. The key is whether the questioner wants to solve it.

Hello, questioner! My name is June Lai Feng.

From what you've shared, it's clear that you love your girlfriend deeply and are also aware that this uneasy feeling is not quite right, which is totally understandable. Could there have been something that happened before that might have contributed to this feeling?

It's possible that your concern about your girlfriend's social interactions stems from a place of deep attachment and a desire to maintain her proximity. However, excessive worry and anxiety may inadvertently impact the quality of your relationship.

It is important to remember that everyone has their own life and space, and even in a relationship, it is beneficial for individuals to maintain a certain degree of independence and self.

It is important to note that feeling uncomfortable in a relationship does not necessarily indicate that it is one-dimensional. While the term "one-dimensional relationship" is often used to describe the relationship between elements within a single collection, issues with emotions or relationships involve two-dimensional relationships, namely interactions and connections between people.

In the field of psychology, there are a number of reasons why you might feel uncomfortable when your girlfriend goes out with friends. These can include feelings of insecurity, jealousy, trust issues or a desire for control over your partner.

First, it may be related to attachment styles. Individuals who are securely attached are usually able to trust their partners and feel comfortable with their independence. Those who are anxiously attached may worry about being abandoned and therefore feel uneasy when their partners socialize with others.

It's possible that you may be overly dependent on your girlfriend, seeing her as the center of your life, and therefore fear losing her.

Secondly, it is possible that this unease may be linked to concerns about self-worth. If an individual has a low sense of self-worth, they may be worried that their partner will meet someone more attractive than themselves in social situations, which could potentially affect their partner's opinion of and feelings for them.

Thirdly, it is possible that your feelings of insecurity are due to past experiences or your own personality traits, which may result in a lack of sense of security and cause you to worry about your girlfriend's loyalty.

It is also worth noting that trust issues can play a significant role in this context. If there has been a past experience of betrayal or if there are trust issues in the current relationship, this may potentially contribute to feelings of unease when your partner is with other people.

It's also possible that there are some issues or misunderstandings between you that have led to a sense of distrust in your girlfriend.

It is also possible that some of society's ideas and expectations about relationships and marriage may have an impact on you, which could make you feel that you must be in complete control of your girlfriend's actions and thoughts.

It is also important to consider the possibility that personal anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues may affect perceptions of the relationship and trust. This is a matter that requires serious attention.

It might be the case that you are concerned about your girlfriend's independence and social life. If so, it would be helpful to communicate your feelings with her, build trust, and manage your own feelings of unease and uncertainty.

It might be helpful to explore the source of your insecurities and try to understand the deeper reasons behind these feelings.

It would be beneficial to have an honest conversation with your girlfriend to discuss your feelings and expectations and establish a solid foundation of trust. Expressing your feelings to your girlfriend is important, but it is also important to avoid accusations or control.

For instance, you might say something like, "I feel a little uneasy, I'll miss you when you go out with your friends."

It might be helpful to pay more attention to yourself, develop your own interests, and improve your abilities and self-confidence. It could also be beneficial to maintain a certain degree of independence in a relationship, not rely too much on the other person, and have your own life and circle of friends.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to look at your relationship with a positive attitude, trust each other's feelings, and try not to be too anxious or worried. You might also want to consider re-evaluating your relationship.

I hope that my narrative will be of some help to you.

I hope that my words find you well and bring you joy!

Hello! I can really feel your conflicts and contradictions from your description.

I'm a psychological counselor, and I'd love to share my understanding from a psychological perspective.

You have a great sense of self-awareness! It's so lovely that you have such a close relationship with your girlfriend. It reminds me of the bond you have with your parents.

There's also a certain foundation in psychology that can help you rebuild your monadic relationship. It's not too late to start anew!

So, how can we adjust ourselves, change our perceptions, adjust our fixed patterns, and make ourselves more flexible and capable of coordinating intimate relationships?

First, get to know yourself. Your personality traits, your relationship with your parents, and your mention of your mother's strong desire to control and your father's tolerance of your mother indicate that your parents had a complementary and harmonious relationship.

You're an adult now with your own intimate relationship, and it's important to be tolerant of your girlfriend. Your distrust of her going out is also a form of control from a psychological perspective (internalized mother mode). You can adjust this mode by learning to express your thoughts and listen to the feedback from the other person, which will then lead to de-fixation and the formation of a new mode.

Second, accept yourself, warts and all! We all have strengths and weaknesses, and that's perfectly okay.

You have a strong sense of self-awareness, a meticulous way of thinking, and a delicate emotional nature. These are all things that make others willing to associate with you, and it is easy to make everyone feel warm. Your disadvantages are that you are overly sensitive and suspicious, and you lack a sense of security within. This is something that you need to become aware of through reading, learning, and self-experience. It is also part of you, and you also need to integrate your fragmented defense mechanisms. You can do this by finding a professional counselor to conduct self-experience and analysis, so that you can change your perceptions, adjust your thinking, and heal and integrate.

Third, it's time to learn to love yourself! We all need to feel secure, and you might have grown up in a controlling environment, which could have led to a conflict-based attachment relationship and a personality that's either pleasing or confrontational. But it's also important to acknowledge your inner loneliness and fear, and to express them in a way that's heard and understood. This will help you not to suppress or escape them. Learning to express yourself can relieve anxiety, help you to love yourself more, and give you the freedom to do the things you want to do!

My dear friend, the world and I love you so much! It's time to learn to love yourself, understand yourself, accept yourself, be better at being yourself, complete the separation from your parents, learn to respect the expression of your inner feelings, and reject. It's time to better form a new model to feel a new life! You can do it!

Hello. This is a great topic.

You feel distressed by your possessiveness towards your girlfriend. You feel uneasy when she goes out with her friends, fearing betrayal. You want to eliminate the unease and fear in your intimate relationship. Let's explore together to find out what's going on.

[It is a dyadic relationship]

The questioner's confusion about whether "I am in a dyadic relationship" shows that they have already learned the basic concepts of "psychoanalytic triadic relationship." You want to explore which stage of attachment you are in to find a solution for your own development. Let's do so together.

The dyadic relationship is the period of the infant's sense of omnipotence. Adults in this stage are completely self-centered and unable to perceive other people as independent individuals. They are like infants, crying when they are hungry and wanting the whole world to revolve around them.

From what you describe, it's clear that the "controlling mother" is stuck in a "unilateral relationship model" in which she needs to control you and your father to feel secure. Her sense of security comes from "I call the shots."

The dyadic relationship (i.e., symbiosis) refers to the symbiotic period with the mother. This is the period when the child has the closest contact with the mother.

Once the child realizes that its needs must be met by the mother, a symbiotic relationship begins. The key point in the symbiosis phase is the beginning of awareness and the experience of frustration.

The child knows its needs cannot be met immediately and is dependent on another person. It wants to have it all—the love from the mother. When the mother and child interact well during this phase, the child feels secure.

The triadic relationship (i.e. the multiple relationship) corresponds to the Oedipus phase, in which the child discovers the existence of the father in the relationship with the mother, and the father is the "competitor" competing for the mother's love. At this time, the child is very afraid of losing the mother. The child must realize that not only will they not lose the mother, but they will also receive more love. This will help the child regain a sense of security and successfully pass through this stage.

If you don't develop properly, it's going to be tough to build a healthy relationship with someone else as an adult. For instance, you'll always be worried that your partner will get together with someone else, leaving you behind.

Your unease and fear will dissipate as the relationship evolves from a binary to a pluralistic dynamic.

[Controlling relationship patterns]

Psychologists agree that a person's relationship with their parents forms the foundation of all their relationships. You know that you and your mother (or girlfriend) are independent individuals. However, you believe you are stuck in an "all-or-nothing" relationship and that you have been influenced by your "all-or-nothing" mother. You have adopted your mother's relationship model of "seeking security through control".

You know the other person is an independent individual, and you know "control" is not right. This makes you internally conflicted and in conflict.

[What to do: Develop yourself]

1⃣️ Accept your anxiety. Emotions serve a function. Your anxiety and fear are meant to motivate you to "control" your girlfriend.

You now know that your anxiety isn't about your girlfriend cheating. It's about controlling your love for your mother. You love your girlfriend the same way you loved your mother. To relieve your anxiety, you need to learn to love and be loved in a healthy way.

2⃣️ Reference book: Chen Jiejun, "The Plastic Me: 35 Required Lessons in Self-Development Psychology"

I am confident that this will be helpful to you.

I am a potato farmer, and I know you. Thank you for your attention.

Hello! I think you may be over-worrying, but at the same time I can feel a deep-seated insecurity in you, a fear that your girlfriend will betray you. What is a one-sided relationship in the classification of interpersonal relationships?

It means that a person is completely self-centered and cannot feel that other people are also independent individuals. It is like a baby, who thinks that the whole world revolves around him—and isn't that a wonderful thing?

The key word in a one-sided relationship is "exploitation." If a person always lives in a one-sided relationship, they are what we call a "spoiled child." These kinds of people also have deep-seated insecurities that prevent them from trusting others — but there's hope!

Use this definition to determine whether you are in a one-sided relationship. Does one partner completely control the other and demand absolute obedience?

You also realize that everyone should have their own space, and that in an intimate relationship, the two sides need to maintain a certain distance. It is precisely because your girlfriend is an independent individual that we cannot fully know her thoughts and imagine all kinds of scenarios—and that's a good thing!

The reason we feel uneasy is often because we don't have enough confidence in ourselves. But here's the good news: we can overcome this! The relationships in our family of origin may indeed feel suffocating, but since we are adults, we should be brave and independent.

First, learn to accept yourself, understand yourself, and know what you really want. Everyone wants to take the initiative, but instead of focusing too much on the other person, it is better to improve yourself. You can do this!

Now that you know your thoughts, and after becoming aware of your inner thoughts, you can better adjust your mindset. The good news is that you can change your situation by simply making a few small changes. I believe you will soon be able to get out of this predicament.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm here to help!

I'm so happy I could answer your question! You asked, "I don't feel comfortable when my girlfriend goes out with her friends. Am I in a one-sided relationship?" I'd love to chat with you more about this.

1. Introduction

1. Intimate relationship

You said, "Am I in a one-sided relationship? Every time my girlfriend goes out with her friends, I feel a strong sense of ill will (I always think she'll mess around and cheat with her friends, but I know it's just my imagination). Even if she texts me all the time, the unease deep inside me is still very strong. If I were to imagine a paradise-like environment, there would only be the two of us in that world, my girlfriend and I. I only have her, and she only has me." It's totally normal to feel this way! It's natural to want to feel like you're the only one your girlfriend is interested in. It's okay to feel uneasy when she's out with her friends. It's only natural to feel this way.

Monadic relationship

In a unidirectional relationship, it can feel like the other person only sees their own will and only feels their own feelings. It's natural to hope that others will cooperate with your will, especially in a relationship. After all, in a unidirectional relationship, only you can make the decisions.

Intimate relationship

From what I can tell, the behavior of the questioner doesn't fit the definition of a unidirectional relationship. A unidirectional relationship is centered on one person, and others must be swayed by their will. Love is actually a binary relationship.

The thing the questioner mentioned can be described as being a bit possessive or controlling.

2⃣️, Confusion

You say, "I know it's wrong, everyone is an individual, but every time I get swallowed up by this uneasy feeling, I'm always afraid that she will be unfaithful to me. How can I get rid of this feeling?"

Anxiety

You said you feel uneasy and anxious when your girlfriend is not around or playing with other people, and you are constantly overwhelmed by these emotions.

It's totally normal to feel this way! We all have insecurities, and it's okay to feel unsure about your girlfriend's fidelity. It's natural to worry about this when you're in a relationship. You might feel

It's totally normal to feel this way! We've all been there. You're worried and afraid that your girlfriend will be unfaithful to you when she is not by your side. It's okay to have a sense of distrust towards your girlfriend. You want to eliminate this feeling.

3⃣️, Family relationships

"My relationship with my parents is very split. I grew up without love. My mother is very controlling, and my father always helped her. Now that I'm 28, they still want to live with me."

Family environment

You describe the living conditions in your family of origin. It's so sad that you lacked parental love as a child. It's no wonder you've always felt insecure! The parents are on the same side.

They're all against you, together.

I'm here to help you take back control.

In the original family life, the mother was very controlling. As far as I understand it, you all had to obey her commands. Now that you are 28 years old, they still want to control you and make you become a symbiont. It's so sad!

2. Let's take a closer look at what's causing this anxiety.

1⃣️, Original family influence

Let's talk about something really important: intergenerational transfer.

Intergenerational transmission is a pretty amazing concept! It involves the transfer of all kinds of characteristics from one generation to the next. And it's not just about physical and psychological traits. It also encompasses social characteristics like values, behavior patterns, and lifestyles.

It's so interesting how intergenerational transmission can be positive or negative!

The influence of the original family environment can be really strong.

It's totally understandable that you feel uneasy and anxious when your girlfriend is not around. It's natural to want to be in control of her behavior. It's similar to how parents feel most comfortable when they're close to their kids.

People with an anxious attachment style are always on their guard in intimate relationships. They're constantly watching and waiting to see what the other person is going to do next. They're afraid of unstable relationships and feel insecure, so they can come across as clingy and give the impression of being obsessive.

Let's dig a little deeper into this together. Reason:

Anxiety is a feeling that comes from worrying about being abandoned. It can make us feel afraid of losing someone and wanting to be in control of the relationship. This can be hard for the other person to deal with.

So, we can see that an anxious attachment is a type of attachment that involves self-torture and the torture of others at the same time. It is also caused by the early growth environment of the original family.

Anxious attachment is a bit of a tricky one. It's characterized by an extreme desire to establish an intimate relationship with another person. But there's always a suspicion and fear that the other person doesn't want the same level of intimacy or that they're going to betray you.

3. What to do

1⃣️, Establishing a sense of security

Safety is so important!

When you feel safe, you feel confident, secure, and free from fear and anxiety. It's a great feeling! You feel satisfied with your present and future needs. You also feel prepared to face possible physical or psychological dangers or risks. And you feel empowered to handle whatever comes your way.

It's so important to establish a sense of security.

Building a sense of security is the foundation for improving our attachment relationships and gaining self-confidence. It's also a great way to put our worries about our girlfriend's fidelity to rest!

The first step to feeling secure is to love yourself. This is all about knowing your own needs and expectations, and then making sure you meet them as soon as you can. This makes you feel good about yourself, important, valuable, and loved.

2⃣️, Secure attachment

A secure attachment is a wonderful thing!

Children with secure attachments use their mommies as a safe place to explore their surroundings in new situations. When their mommies are around, they're super active and exploring everything! But when their mommies are away, they get a little scared and their exploration activities decrease.

When we're feeling blue, we're more likely to be comforted by a stranger, but our mommas are always there for us! When our mommas come back, we show them how much we love them with happy feelings and want to be held. Even when we're feeling down, we can quickly feel better when we're with our mommas and then get back to playing and exploring!

Let's talk about how to establish a secure attachment.

Not everyone gets all the love and attention they need from their parents when they're young. This can make it hard for them to feel safe and secure, which can lead to an anxious attachment. But the good news is that this attachment can be changed through self-love!

We experience self-love by taking care of ourselves and meeting our own needs, so that we feel we can live well even if our partner is not around. This helps us to form a secure attachment.

3⃣, Nurture a positive outlook on love.

Let's talk about love outlooks!

The concept of love is all about how we feel about love and romantic relationships. It's the guiding principle behind how we understand and feel about relationships, as well as our thoughts and actions.

The concept of love is all about our beliefs and attitudes towards understanding, expectations, treatment, and approaches to love. It's so interesting how everyone's concept of love is unique! It really influences our choices, actions, and emotional expressions in love.

It's so important to establish a correct outlook on love.

If you want to have a great romantic relationship, it's really important to have the right attitude towards love. Our love is based on love, and is built on the foundation of mutual respect, mutual understanding, mutual support and mutual tolerance.

We understand self-love, and we can then understand how to love others. This kind of romantic relationship is stable and harmonious.

Questioner, no matter what your life situation in the original family is, you can absolutely change it! All you need is a little self-love and love for others, and you can do it.

I just want to wish the original poster a happy life!

Dear Questioner, I appreciate your candor in sharing your feelings. The situation you describe may involve multiple psychological aspects, including relationship anxiety, trust issues, and the influence of your family of origin on your current romantic relationship. In light of these concerns, I offer the following suggestions to help you cope with these emotions and challenges:

It is important to recognise the limitations of a monogamous relationship. The "heavenly environment" you describe reflects a monogamous mindset to some extent, namely the desire to merge completely with your partner without outside interference. However, healthy adult relationships are based on mutual independence and respect.

It is important to recognise the value of having one's own social circle and personal space. Attempting to comprehend and accept this will assist in reducing feelings of unease.

It is essential to build trust in order to maintain a healthy relationship. This can be achieved by communicating openly with your partner, expressing your concerns and worries while listening to her thoughts and feelings.

By fostering open communication and mutual understanding, you can establish a more robust foundation of trust. When trust is established, it becomes easier to navigate challenging emotions.

If you are experiencing difficulty in managing these emotions, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional counselor. A counselor can assist you in identifying and addressing anxieties in the relationship, trust issues, and the influence of your family of origin.

It is important to address the influence of your family of origin. You have indicated that your relationship with your parents is very strained, which may have an impact on your emotional relationships. It is recommended that you view and deal with your relationship with your parents in a more mature way, seeking appropriate boundaries and independence.

While it may require time and effort, doing so is essential for personal growth and emotional well-being.

It is also important to develop personal interests and a social circle in addition to maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner. This can help you maintain your independence and reduce excessive dependence and worry about your partner.

Furthermore, it enables the maintenance of a healthier and more balanced attitude within the relationship.

It is important to remember that building a healthy relationship requires time and effort. It is crucial not to lose faith in yourself.

By consistently striving for self-improvement and persevering through challenges, you can gradually overcome obstacles and establish a more robust and stable relationship.

Hello! I see your question and confusion. I will answer your question from the following points.

1. You know your own problems and emotions, yet you can't control your girlfriend's interactions with others. You feel guilty for trying to control things because you lack security and feel uneasy inside. I don't know about this situation, but I know you have an issue with your relationship with your girlfriend.

Your internal conflict is rooted in your extreme lack of love within. You are looking for a girlfriend, but you need to realize you are seeking another mother. In this kind of relationship, your girlfriend must be very tired too.

You must learn to love yourself instead of relying on and expecting others to love you.

2. Your mother also lacked love desperately. She couldn't give you the love you wanted. You have to see the sadness behind her. Everyone has their own way of loving others. When you feel insecure inside, you will constantly try to gain love and security through external means. You undoubtedly copied your mother's pattern, but everyone has their own sense of independence. Therefore, you also want to get away from your mother's control, but unintentionally you have become another mother. Your current state of being is actually a confrontation with your own mother. The result of the confrontation is so powerless.

You need to recognize your own pattern of confrontation, accept and understand the story behind your mother's actions, learn to grow yourself, and establish a sense of boundaries with your mother.

Your feelings are understandable, and many people experience similar insecurities and fears in relationships. These feelings may be the result of past experiences, such as the relationship issues you previously discussed with your parents.

It is important to note that addressing these deeply rooted emotions may require a significant investment of time and patience, as well as the guidance of a professional.

The initial step is to recognize your feelings. You have already taken the initiative to explore and understand the source of these feelings, which is a commendable first step. There are several methods you can employ to assist yourself:

1. Self-Reflection: It is important to understand the specific reasons behind these anxieties and fears. Are they rooted in distrust, fear of loss, or something else?

2. Communication: It is essential to communicate openly with your girlfriend about your feelings. Be transparent about your concerns while also actively listening to her feelings and thoughts.

3. Building trust: Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. It is built and strengthened through consistent behavior, honest communication, and shared experiences.

4. Personal Growth: It may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a counselor who can assist in addressing these long-standing emotional concerns and facilitating the development of more constructive relationship patterns.

5. Self-care: Identify healthy activities that promote personal well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, and social interaction. These can enhance self-confidence and self-esteem.

6. Boundary setting: It is essential to learn how to set healthy boundaries for yourself, whether in relationships with girlfriends or with parents, in order to foster independence and personal growth.

It is important to remember that everyone needs their own space and freedom as part of a healthy relationship. With the right approach and appropriate support, you can overcome these feelings of unease and build a more stable and satisfying relationship.

I must insist that we proceed.

It's normal for relationships to change, especially long-term ones. Over time, the initial excitement may evolve into a deeper level of intimacy and commitment.

This doesn't mean that love has decreased, but that it is growing and changing.

If you feel like your partner isn't expressing love as often as you'd like, there could be a few reasons why. Stress, a change in communication style or the need for more physical interaction in the relationship are just a few possibilities. Here are a few suggestions to help you deal with this situation:

1. **Communicate**: Find a good time to talk with your partner about how you're feeling. Let him know that you've noticed some changes and that it's making you feel a little down.

2. Listen: When you're communicating, make sure you're listening to your partner and understanding their feelings and thoughts. They might have their own problems or misunderstandings, and only through effective communication can you really understand the situation.

3. **Remembering the past**: Looking back on the good old days together can help bring some excitement back into the relationship.

4. **Joint activities**: Try doing new activities or things you both enjoy together. This will help you talk about more topics and remember more things together.

5. Show affection. Don't wait for your partner to show affection first. You can also express your feelings and gratitude actively.

6. If you need it, you can also get professional advice from a marriage or relationship counselor.

It's important to remember that every relationship goes through ups and downs. The key is to face the challenges together and work together to maintain and nurture the relationship. Don't give up—sometimes small changes can make a big difference.

Let's do this!

5. Open communication

It is important to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend, sharing your feelings and concerns, while also expressing your willingness to change the situation. Make it clear that you need her understanding and support.

6. Consider seeking professional assistance.

It may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a counselor. A professional can provide tools and strategies to assist in processing emotions, developing healthier coping mechanisms, and enhancing attachment style.

7. Coping with symbiotic relationships

It is crucial to establish healthy boundaries in the symbiotic relationship between you and your parents. Professional counseling can also assist in this regard, providing guidance on how to establish and maintain these boundaries.

It is important to remember that change takes time and patience. By taking these steps, you can gradually develop a healthier view of relationships and self-image, which will in turn help you to feel safer and more content in close relationships.

Your unease about your girlfriend hanging out with her friends may be related to your upbringing, family relationships, and self-identity. Here are some suggestions to help you deal with this unease and build healthier relationships:

1. Talk to your girlfriend. Tell her what's on your mind. Listen to her. Try to understand why she wants to hang out with her friends.

An open and respectful attitude helps communication.

2. Building Trust: Trust is important in a loving relationship. Work with your girlfriend to build trust.

Show her you trust her.

3. Set clear boundaries. Talk with your girlfriend about things like how often you'll go out and who you'll tell. Clear communication can help you avoid misunderstandings.

4. Get help from a counselor if the situation keeps getting worse. They can help you deal with your problems.

5. Self-care and growth: Know your needs, get help, and take care of yourself. Get more love and attention by doing hobbies, developing skills, or getting family support.

This will help you handle relationship issues better.

6. Deal with past trauma: Your upbringing and family relationships may affect your current relationships. Identify and deal with past trauma. With the help of a counselor or a relationship advisor, you can better understand these experiences and find ways to cope.

7. Build healthy relationships. Stay in touch with friends, family, or community members. This will help you gain support and achieve balance.

Everyone needs their own space. Mutual respect is key to a healthy relationship. Best of luck finding solutions and achieving inner peace.

Dear friend, I totally get where you're coming from. I can imagine how your past experiences, particularly the controlling mother you mentioned and your father's support for her, might have led you to feel insecure and afraid of losing in your relationships as an adult, especially with your partner.

I think what you're talking about with your girlfriend might be your emotional dependence on her, hoping that she's your only attachment. This might be because of how close you were to your parents when you were growing up. It's totally normal to want a similar close connection in adulthood to make up for the sense of loss you felt when you were younger.

This mistrust of partners and the fear of betrayal is known as "attachment anxiety." Attachment theory suggests that early patterns of interaction with parents can influence an individual's future relationships.

If you grew up with overbearing or neglectful parents, this may have influenced your view of intimate relationships, making you feel insecure and afraid of abandonment. We've all been there!

It's totally normal to feel anxious and afraid, especially when it comes to your partner's fidelity. It's a natural way to protect yourself from harm. It's also a way to try to control uncertainties and potential risks.

However, it can also limit your emotional freedom and the healthy development of relationships. Please don't blame yourself for how you feel. These feelings are a reflection of what you're experiencing inside.

You've come to see that this dependence might not be the healthiest way to be, and that's a great first step towards change!

To get rid of these feelings, we have to try to understand where our unease comes from. Is it because of the fear of losing?

Or is it the fear of abandonment? It's so helpful to understand the source of these emotions so you can deal with them better.

It's so important to communicate your feelings openly with your girlfriend, and to trust her too. Trust is the key to a healthy relationship!

We can enhance our sense of self-worth by cultivating our interests and improving our vocational skills. When you feel more in control of your life, you may feel more confident and secure, which is great!

It's okay to want to rely on your girlfriend, but don't put all your emotional needs on her. It's good to have friends and family you can turn to when you need a safe social situation. It'll help you feel more confident and less afraid.

It'll take time, so don't be too hard on yourself. You've already taken the first step of asking for help, which is a great start!

I truly believe that with continuous effort and appropriate support, you can overcome these insecurities and establish healthier and more fulfilling relationships. You've got this! Go for it!

Every effort deserves to be seen, and every drop of sweat deserves to be respected. And feedback, attention, or praise is not only a form of recognition, but also an incentive!

This kind of feedback is like spring rain nourishing our hearts, giving us more motivation to pursue excellence and create more value. It's like a warm, comforting embrace that lifts our spirits and gives us the strength to keep going.

I'd highly recommend reading "The Art of Love" and "Intimacy" if you get a chance!

Hello, topic owner! It's like meeting someone in person when you read their words.

Your writing reveals that you're eager to understand your girlfriend better and her social life is a great place to start! You're also interested in how your own growth experience and family environment contribute to your feelings.

You've learned so much through your own hard work! It's amazing how you've been able to realize the direction of your efforts.

First of all, you have a very clear and admirable logic. You know that these are just your imagination and that this is wrong. You can distinguish between reality and imagination, and you also have a boundary about what is right and wrong.

What bothers you deeply is your uneasy mind and lack of security. But you can overcome this! Growing up without love and being controlled may have made you grow up with stress for a long time. But now that you have grown up, you have also begun to have a clear sense of boundaries and understand that you should be independent. You can do this!

So, remember that everyone is an individual with their own social needs and living space. I think that since you want to create a paradise world and be there only with your girlfriend, you can try to trust your girlfriend and communicate with her openly and honestly, sharing your feelings and concerns and listening to what she has to say, which may help you to relieve your anxiety. It's a great idea!

In addition, regarding your relationship with your parents, you are already an adult and can take the initiative to try to establish a healthier relationship with them, which may take some time and effort. The good news is that you can gradually set your own personal boundaries, for example, by making some decisions yourself and letting them know that you need your own space for independence and autonomy.

And now for the best part! I've got two incredible books on improving your sense of security that I'm sure you'll find helpful.

- The Power of Self-Growth: This incredible book is all about self-growth. It provides a wealth of practical methods and techniques to help readers discover their potential, improve self-awareness and self-management skills, and achieve personal and professional success. It's highly practical and actionable, and readers can easily apply the methods in the book to their own lives.

If you're looking for a truly inspiring read, look no further than "The Harvard Happiness Course." This incredible book, written by a Harvard psychology professor, dives deep into a vast array of fascinating topics, including psychology, philosophy, religion, and literature. But it's not just about theory — the author also shares a wealth of practical methods and techniques that you can easily apply to your life. By integrating and explaining these concepts in a way that's both engaging and thought-provoking, the author guides readers on a journey of self-discovery, helping them understand and recognize themselves better. This, in turn, allows them to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors more effectively, leading to a happier and more fulfilling life.

I really hope these books can help you feel more secure and better able to face the challenges in life!

This is the perfect blend of knowledge and action! I wish you all the happiness in the world for the rest of your lives!

Dear poster, I'm Duoduo Lian, and I'm thrilled to be able to support you!

Picture this: a paradise-like environment, a world where there are only two people: me and my girlfriend. I have only her, and she only has me. What a wonderful vision, a feeling of being in paradise! You know it's not right, but you're worried that your girlfriend will get involved with someone else. This feeling consumes you, but you know it's not true.

Mom is very controlling, and Dad is always helping her. You also want to control your girlfriend. You feel safe when you are in control. You are just repeating the patterns of your family of origin. Do you see that? You are so brave to seek help from a professional platform. I applaud you!

It's important to remember that control will only cause pain for both sides. Attempting to change others is to point out their faults, and nobody wants to be changed by others. It can lead to feelings of humiliation after the change. It may seem like it's for your own good, but you can't stand it. You're always on the path of exploration, and you also know that your parents want to live with you. You're also in pain. Your girlfriend is the same as you. You're wondering whether you want to live with your girlfriend.

It's a truly special experience that only those who have experienced it can truly understand. Parents treat their children as if they were their private property, thinking that because they gave birth to and raised them, they should listen to them and that they are right. But they can't grow big trees under a big tree!

Proving oneself behind the scenes is a great way to boost your self-worth! It's about recognizing your own strengths, learning from others, and embracing the good in everyone. When you live in harmony and cooperate for mutual benefit, you'll feel comfortable and happy!

She'll find happiness when she goes out with girlfriends and friends because she's ready to confront problems head-on and solve them. Everyone has different identities and responsibilities and obligations to fulfill, and she has her own way of dealing with people and things. If you love her, just trust her!

A bird in a cage will always fly free one day. Once it gets the chance, it will fly out and explore the world outside. Even if it eventually leaves its familiar surroundings, give it a little freedom and a little food, and it will come back when it's tired of flying.

It's so important for kids to set boundaries with their parents. Have a chat with yours and tell them you've grown up, you've got your own path to follow, you love them to bits, you'll ask them for blessings, you'll ask them for advice if you're not sure about something, and you'll ask them to trust you. Give your parents a sense of security and worth!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I'm listening.

Your relationship with your girlfriend is not a unary relationship, but a binary one.

Here's how the relationship works:

A unary relationship is one that's all about the person in it and their feelings. In this kind of relationship, the person makes all the decisions and expects the other person to go along with them.

In a dyadic relationship, each person is valued as an independent being, capable of feeling the other person's feelings and being. This allows for empathy and respect for each other's feelings.

Mutuality means recognizing that relationships are complex. Everyone in a relationship has their own thoughts and feelings, and respecting their ideas and accepting competition in the relationship is important.

You didn't get enough love as a child, and what you really lacked was a sense of security.

The main cause of insecurity is a lack of control. It's precisely because your girlfriend is an independent person, and you are too, that you always feel she'll mess around and cheat on you with her friends.

Because your girlfriend has her own ideas and you can't fully know her thoughts, you imagine that she'll have a girlfriend betray you. This is very disturbing and makes you anxious.

Here are some things to be happy about:

1. You know these are just your thoughts.

You can tell that this is your idea, not the reality. It shows that you're good at understanding your own thoughts.

You can also tell the difference between what's real and what's just in your head. That's a great start.

We just need to keep at it.

2. You're eager to learn more.

You're eager to explore yourself and find the answers you seek. You're capable of thinking independently and open to different perspectives.

You're doing a great job.

3. Build your self-confidence.

Think about what qualities attracted your current girlfriend to you. This is a great chance to explore yourself at the same time.

You also have to trust your girlfriend. She loves you and would never do anything to hurt you. She has a moral bottom line, and if she didn't, you wouldn't have chosen to be with her.

I'm listening. Please love yourself!

In a unary relationship, the person only sees their own will and only feels their own feelings. They expect everyone else to cooperate with their will; in the relationship, they are the only one who calls the shots.

In a dyadic relationship, you're aware that the other person is an independent being with their own feelings and will.

A ternary relationship is one where you're aware of the complexity of the relationship. In a complex relationship, you can see the feelings and wills of the three people involved – "me", "you" and "him" – at the same time, and respect the competition and cooperation in this complex ternary relationship.

Greetings. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

It is evident that you are experiencing a conflicted emotional state. On the one hand, you profess to hold a profound affection for your girlfriend. However, on the other hand, you also admit to experiencing feelings of guilt due to the jealousy you feel. You are aware of the underlying cause of this conflict, yet you find yourself unable to fully control the various fantasies and thoughts that arise.

1. Permission and acceptance

It is important to avoid self-inflicted distress by refraining from the suppression of one's emotional and affective states. For the time being, it is advisable to allow these thoughts to emerge naturally, given that one is not yet in a position to recognize and regulate them. Once the requisite techniques have been acquired with the assistance of a qualified counselor and self-healing has been achieved, these phenomena will dissipate.

Concurrently, it is imperative to cultivate a heightened state of emotional awareness. When these speculations and reveries arise, it is crucial to discern the specific emotional state they evoke. The more detailed the description, the more beneficial it is, such as noting the acceleration of the heartbeat, the sensations in the hands and feet, the sensations in the stomach and head, and so forth.

It is recommended that you dedicate some time to exploring these feelings in depth. In the future, when you engage in counseling, these feelings will be invaluable in facilitating your growth and change.

2. It is essential to communicate with your girlfriend in an honest and forthright manner.

It would be beneficial to share your growth experience with your girlfriend in a sincere manner, particularly with regard to your parents' marriage and mode of interaction, as well as your relationship with your parents. This will enable her to gain a deeper understanding of you and your background.

It is also necessary for her to love you sufficiently, demonstrate tolerance, and accept you. Given that this concerns the future direction of your intimate relationship, it is beneficial for both you and her to obtain her support and assistance in advance.

A beneficial intimate relationship has the capacity to facilitate healing. Consequently, during the process of identifying a partner, individuals may also be seeking an idealized version of their parents, with the aim of experiencing unconditional love and acceptance.

Disclosing this information to her will facilitate her comprehension of your perspective. When you experience feelings of distrust or anger, she will recognize that these emotions are not a reflection of her actions, but rather a consequence of the negative influence your parents exerted during your upbringing.

Such an approach can be likened to the installation of a "safety valve" in a relationship, which can assist in identifying the underlying cause of the problem in a timely manner. These factors are not directly related to the relationship itself.

3. Pursue simultaneous self-growth.

The knowledge acquired during childhood and the manner in which parents interact with their children have a direct impact on the formation of intimate relationships. During childhood, children are unable to exercise agency, but as adults, they possess the capacity to make informed choices and to effect change.

Parents are constrained by their own limitations. They lack an understanding of what constitutes authentic love for their children and are uncertain about how to foster positive relationships with them. They will, however, provide guidance and support as you navigate your personal growth and development.

The marital relationship and the dynamics between parents and their children are lifelong pursuits, and these individuals will continue to evolve and adapt as they progress through life. It is important to recognize that these changes are not a reflection of you as an individual. When you make a shift in your own life, these individuals will naturally follow suit.

There are numerous methods for personal growth, including reading psychology books such as "The Power of Self-Growth" and "The Terrific Me." Another effective approach is free writing and self-talk, which can facilitate healing. Recognizing one's parents from the perspective of an external observer, as discussed in "The Healing Power of Writing," is also a valuable technique.

Additionally, meditation and mindfulness can be utilized to enhance one's capacity to love and connect with others. It is also imperative to seek the guidance of a counselor when necessary.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you. The world and I extend our best wishes to you.

Should you wish to continue the communication, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, entitled "Heart Exploration Service."