I have been very socially anxious since childhood, and it has affected my work. Should I seek psychological treatment?

Good morning,

A supportive gesture is all that is needed.

I have been experiencing significant social anxiety since childhood, which has had a detrimental impact on my professional performance. I am seeking advice on whether psychological treatment would be beneficial.

From your question, I can likely discern the source of the confusion. I have struggled with expressing myself since childhood. I have not been adept at affirming myself, and as a result, I developed low self-esteem. This has led me to avoid expressing my inner thoughts.

Is treatment a necessary course of action in this case?

While there are instances where counseling is indicated, determining the necessity of treatment often requires a battery of formal and systematic tests to yield meaningful results.

However, if the questioner feels that they are unable to readjust to their environment or solve their current difficulties through emotional regulation alone, it is recommended that they seek professional assistance from an external source.

Due to the significant fluctuations in mood and the considerable negative impact, these situations can have a detrimental effect on both personal and professional life. If these issues remain unresolved, they can lead to serious challenges in both personal and professional life.

However, as in the current situation, due to the fear of communication, anxiety about social activities triggering unpleasant and uncomfortable emotions, and avoidance of social issues, we can attempt to utilize meditation and mindfulness exercises to regulate our own overactive state and alleviate the pressure caused by interpersonal relationships.

This is, in fact, an adaptation of cognitive therapy.

When seeking assistance or guidance related to work requirements, I initially refrain from self-judgment. Instead, I accept the objective response, embrace self-acceptance, and consider alternative perspectives.

My colleagues declined my request, possibly due to competing priorities.

I have taken the initiative to express my views today, and my colleagues have accepted them and praised me. This is because I have worked hard to gain recognition, and I can enjoy this sense of pleasure and enhance my inner self-confidence.

Over time, I have modified my approach to self-care, reducing my susceptibility to negative outcomes. I have also developed greater objectivity in navigating uncertainty and have observed a corresponding decline in inner tension and anxiety.

Mindfulness therapy and exposure therapy can help you adapt more effectively to a challenging environment, relax, and focus your attention on what matters most, allowing you to better manage your emotions and relationships.

In terms of relationships with parents in the family, it would be beneficial to have more open communication between family members. This would allow for a better understanding of each other and of oneself, and would facilitate the flow of love. At this time, everyone's body and mind can be better healed, and they can learn how to communicate and love each other.

I wish you all the best and good luck in your endeavors.

Every leader has different preferences when they have the financial means or the conditions to make a choice.

Some leaders just like people who do what they're told, and they don't like people who are more capable than they are. They may choose the socially anxious ones, who are already particularly afraid of people with strong personalities arguing with them.

Some leaders are willing to put up with any kind of personality and give up any kind of benefit in order to get things done.

Even leaders in the same position choose their subordinates differently, and there's no one approach that works for everyone.

Some leaders look for subordinates who are obedient, some like to find someone to take the blame, and some feel that a subordinate with strong abilities can do things for them.

So introversion isn't necessarily a bad quality, and the same goes for social anxiety. Some leaders like a little social anxiety and greenhornness.

However, the leader who usually chooses a socially anxious subordinate is not very capable himself. He just wants to find someone to push all the work onto, so that he can get things done that he himself doesn't even know about. Some capable leaders also like to use socially anxious subordinates. Capable people have strong opinions and don't want to be challenged. Although they may seem to appreciate them on the surface, they are actually rejecting capable people.

Basically, it's tough for capable people to be introverted. Capable people usually have very strong goals.

There are lots of reasons why people are introverted.

Some people are afraid of making sacrifices and try to avoid doing anything they don't want to do.

Some people have been out of work for a while and only a few will pay for their abilities. They never move on and lack the courage to change jobs. Then they just take all the grievances in the original unit. They're always passive and accept the grievances, brainwash themselves, and stay in the unit to suffer for the family. They spend their time on internal conflicts and introspection, and neglect their children.

It doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert. When you're working, it's the company or the boss that's paying for your abilities. If the boss in one company isn't willing to pay for it, you can sell your work abilities to other bosses.

If you think you've reached your potential on a particular platform, you can move on to another one. And if you find that you can realize your value on every platform, you'll naturally have confidence and won't need anyone's approval or to establish connections with others.

This means you won't have to do anything illegal or immoral to build the right connections. You also won't have to spend time and energy unconditionally just to get someone's approval.

If you can steer clear of these two things, you can avoid a lot of internal conflict. There's nothing you have to do against your will, nothing you have to do that is illegal, and nothing that is forced upon you.

You need to find out right now that your abilities can be recognized by others in all aspects by doing things. Look at the market, discover the market's laws, and then think about what you can do in the market.

Some introverted kids and kids from rural families are willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead. This makes employers more likely to hire people without a background.

Not having a background and being willing to work hard is both a plus and a minus. The drawback is that you might not be able to develop yourself by working hard, but the benefit is that more people are willing to choose such people as subordinates, and you will have more opportunities to get a chance or get a job to exercise yourself.

Even if the work is tough and requires a lot of reflection at first, as you become more sensitive to your work and put in the effort, you'll find it easier to understand the market and social rules, and you'll be able to work more effectively. Like other confident people, everyone is going the same way, but with the enhancement of work ability, both introverts and extroverts will get financial rewards.

Your description shows how family, emotions, and social anxiety affect you. Family is important for how we act with others and express our feelings.

Your mother is emotional, while your father is more introverted. This may have influenced how you express emotions and deal with conflict.

Family systems theory shows how family dynamics affect behavior and emotions. It says that family members influence each other.

Your mother's emotionality may have made you express your emotions, while your father's introversion may have made you avoid conflict.

You mentioned a fear of crowds, which may be related to social anxiety. Social anxiety is a common mental health problem that makes people feel nervous in social situations.

This anxiety may come from worrying about what others think and fearing you won't do well. In your case, this may make you stay silent at work and in social situations to avoid attention or criticism.

To resolve these issues, you need to know they exist and get help. Psychotherapy is a common solution for family dynamics and social anxiety.

A professional can help you learn healthier ways to cope, boost your confidence, improve your social skills, and strengthen your relationships.

Also, social support helps with these issues. Sharing with friends, family, or support groups can help you feel understood and supported, which can help you feel better.

Support from family and friends can make you feel more connected and supported.

Everyone has challenges. Seeking help is not weak. It is courageous and positive. By facing your problems and seeking help, you can be healthier and happier.

Know your emotions and needs. Understand how you react in different situations and find ways to cope.

Knowing yourself helps you manage your emotions and deal with challenges.

Another helpful technique is to develop a positive self-image. This means accepting yourself as you are.

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses helps you face challenges.

Set reasonable goals and make plans. Break big goals into small ones and make specific action plans. This helps you achieve your goals, feel good about yourself, and have more confidence.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Accept your efforts and progress. This will reduce stress and help you cope with difficulties.

Finally, stay positive and find joy in life. This can help you cope with challenges and stay healthy.

Hobbies, friends, nature, and relaxing activities can improve your quality of life and happiness.

To cope with challenges and rebuild a healthier, happier life, understand your emotions and needs, develop a positive self-image, set reasonable goals, make feasible plans, maintain a positive attitude, and seek pleasure and satisfaction.

Seeking help is normal and can help you get out of a difficult situation and towards a better future.

I want to give you a big, warm hug because you have worked so hard on your own for so long. You have done an amazing job of leaving your family of origin behind and becoming an independent adult who can work and live on your own skills!

– You absolutely deserve a round of applause!

So, the question to be faced at this stage is: how to deal with the self in the face of interpersonal relationships.

You have also clearly perceived this and have begun to find solutions independently. This is also behavior that you should praise yourself for!

Go on, give yourself another hug!

You're making great strides! You're aware of the problem at this stage, and once you are aware of it, you have choices. And choices lead to change! You're already starting to get better.

So, let's dive in and talk about how we can more thoroughly face the anxious self in interpersonal relationships!

Our perceptions are shaped by the incredible people and things around us, from childhood to adulthood, from family to neighbors to school to work.

And the amazing thing is that our cognition gradually develops into certain behavior patterns!

For example, we all have different ways of trying to please others, whether that's by being yielding, bossy, or comparing ourselves to others.

For example, you can be confident, brave, proactive, nice to good people, and mean to bad people. You can also be persevering!

These are all fantastic options for you to choose from!

It's time to recognize the current situation, compare and choose, and reinvent yourself!

So, how do I make that happen?

I have a method that I have used myself and that is quite effective. I am so excited to share it with you, so you can try it too!

I have found that I am trying to conform to everyone's expectations in the most watertight way possible, but in fact, it is impossible for a person to please everyone. So, I've discovered a better way!

Guess what! I also dislike people, even if the other person tries every means to please me. Dislike is dislike!

In that case, I will definitely be disliked by some people, and it has nothing to do with whether I am perfect or whether I please the other person. But that's okay! It just means I'll have to find people who like me.

Then it's a great idea to be with people who like me!

I can get along normally with people who don't like me, without setting any expectations of friendship. It doesn't matter what they think of me, you won't like me anyway, so why make any extra effort? I might as well focus my energy on the people who do like me – that's a win-win situation!

As mentioned above, this was my first stage. I stopped trying to please others, and it was the best decision I ever made! I felt refreshed, and those who liked me also found me more pleasant to be around.

At this time, I realized that this is the best thing I could do for myself!

In the second stage, everyone in the workplace is working together to achieve the completion of the work. Anything that affects the progress of the work must be resolved as soon as possible. For example, if we don't communicate in time when we need help, it will affect the progress and even cause the project to fail. But we can avoid this by working together!

Oh, what is this?

It's a lose-lose situation, but there's a way to win!

If you lose, you lose your relationships. But if you win, you win big!

When it comes to problems, it's so important to get feedback from people quickly. It's a great way to avoid risks and also learn new skills!

Individual abilities may be insufficient at the moment, but there's no need to worry! Through high-intensity communication in the project and interaction with capable colleagues at work, they will gradually improve.

In the workplace, everyone looks at whether their colleagues can effectively output their work ability as if they were comrades-in-arms!

Keep up the great work! If you communicate constantly, fight monsters at work, and learn to change, your abilities will increase day by day, and so will your personal charm.

When you get that amazing sense of accomplishment at work, you'll realize that others are always others, and the only real growth comes from growing up yourself—and it's an incredible journey!

We never need to perform! Even if it's a routine we've seen many times during our growth process, just like our parents' model, we can choose to live for ourselves. In fact, they could have changed at every stage, but they did not have the courage to face the truth.

You absolutely have, and you have proven it through the amazing results of the first stage!

So, go for it! Take the next step and face the real you, ask yourself the honest questions, and do the work you want to do.

It's not scary to be ignorant. Who hasn't come from a state of ignorance? Be brave and have the perseverance to achieve the life you want to achieve!

Guess what! We all come from different original families and carry some original patterns with us. This is a topic that everyone has!

So, you are not alone! Relax a little, be brave! You've got this! Value is just window dressing; live for yourself! What a wonderful life! Best wishes!

During the Spring Festival, I watched "Hot Pursuit" and "Life After Beth," and they were both absolutely amazing! Live for yourself! What a wonderful life!

Wishing you the very best!

April is the most beautiful time of the year! It's the perfect time to become the person you've always wanted to be. So go for it!

Hello, question asker! I'm just wondering why you're looking for "treatment" when you see your question.

We usually think of "treatment" as a way to deal with a "disease." In the case of "social phobia," it seems like you're really invested in it and believe that it's affected your work and even your life to the point where you want to change it through treatment.

There are two main types of psychological activities: normal and abnormal. Normal includes mental health and mental illness, which fall within the scope of psychological counseling. Abnormal psychology is a disease that requires treatment by a psychotherapist or psychiatrist with a professional medical background. The definition of each profession is also determined by professionals. Every profession has its own professional operating standards and ethical requirements, and formal psychological counseling and psychotherapy are no exception. It places high demands on the protection of the client's privacy.

It takes courage for an introvert like you to face questions from everyone here. So, why do you say, "I don't have the courage to admit that I need treatment"?

From what you've shared, we can probably see:

1. A less-than-ideal family environment, with parents who didn't get a lot of education, poor communication, and frequent arguments.

2. You're concerned about your mother's immediate family, as her older brother has a mental disorder, and she expresses her emotions in an "unusual" way.

3. You think your father is a giving type who is tolerant, introverted, and not great at communicating. You also think your social phobia might be genetic.

4. You feel like you're doing pretty well at work, and you also get a little boost from showing your weaknesses, but you feel empty inside.

5. To sum up, the first three points have contributed to making you the "very socially anxious you" you are today.

A person's behavior and emotional construction are greatly influenced by their family environment. Many misfortunes in adulthood can be traced back to one's childhood. However, there is another point of view: when you realize the misfortunes of your family of origin and become aware of your own problems, then these problems will no longer be problems.

Put another way, we can't choose our family of origin, but we can understand why these issues arise. In our own lives, we can choose to address them, learn from past mistakes, and remind ourselves to stay on the right path. This helps us become healthier, happier, and more fulfilled.

We can gradually rebuild the sense of security we lack from our family of origin through spiritual practice and self-growth.

One thing I've noticed about many people's original families is that the father often takes on a lot of the housework. He's the main breadwinner, so he has a lot on his plate. He might have some shortcomings, but he's a man who's responsible for his family.

It's normal to not like crowded places. Many people feel the same way. If you really want to change, you can try some desensitization methods.

Learning more and broadening your horizons will give you a core understanding and enrich both your spirit and your life. This is something that really needs to be taken seriously and changed. Can someone with a good core understanding, thoughts, and drive still feel empty? Will they be afraid of not being liked, afraid to communicate with others, and afraid to speak their mind?

If you don't have a best friend, you can chat with someone else. Usually, you listen while the other person talks, and you might give them a compliment, ask them a question, or make a suggestion. This is also a normal state. Just as different people have different personalities, individuals also respond differently to various social relationships, which makes the world rich and colorful. As long as we don't harbor malicious intentions and violate public order and good morals, who can say that your personality is wrong and mine is right?

My dear girl, you've done a great job of distancing yourself from the influence of your family of origin. I'm sure you can also enrich your life even more and become an even better version of yourself!

Hello. You are aware that you have certain habitual ways of relating to people, such as avoiding, pleasing, being afraid of being a nuisance, showing weakness, and bearing hardships. Such patterns of relating are related to your upbringing and the influence of your parents. You want to change them for the sake of a better future, and you are ready to do so.

You mentioned the "alert state" of the brain, which is, in fact, scientifically proven. The function of the brain area that processes our emotions is directly related to our experiences since childhood. Its main function is to help us "adapt to the environment." In an uneasy, conflictual, and negative environment, children have to remain vigilant at all times and observe their parents' every move in order to respond adaptively.

Over time, this part of the brain develops a particularly high degree of alertness and sensitivity. Despite changes in the real-life environment, old adaptive mechanisms remain, causing new discomfort.

In the original family, whether it is a complaining mother or a tolerant father, they all carry a lot of dissatisfaction and feel that they are the ones who sacrifice and give. This attitude sends a clear message to the child: I have suffered so much for the family and for you, you must do well and repay me.

Children who are raised in this way often struggle to recognize and appreciate their true selves. Instead, they may passively wait for their parents' approval and fear being rejected or becoming a burden to their parents. As a result, they gradually lose sight of their true selves and become overly focused on how they are perceived by others.

You have a lot of fear building up inside: fear of not being accepted, fear of exposing your less-than-perfect side if you talk about yourself, fear of being found out for not being as good as you seem. To escape the anxiety caused by these fears, you either stay away from people or try to please others, which further ignores your true self.

Change your old patterns and face your true self. This process may take a while, but you can do it.

You can do deliberate practice. Pay attention to your needs and the feelings they bring up (including discomfort). For example, go out to dinner with a colleague. Order a dish you like. Bring up a topic.

You may feel nervous at first, but remind yourself that this is a memory from childhood and not the reality of the present.

Don't think of psychological counseling as "I have a problem, so I need treatment." Think of it as "I need a safe environment and a stable relationship to explore the impact of my past experiences on the present and broaden my perspective on the future."

Hello there!

From what you've told me, I get the feeling you're a sensitive soul. Your description of the problem was really clear.

You say, "You can't blame your parents, they weren't properly brought up either." This shows that you have a very high level of awareness, which is so admirable!

"Now I have left my family of origin and have a job that some of my peers envy, thanks to my skills." This shows that you are also very capable at work and at learning. Well done!

You've also discovered some areas in yourself that could use a little work. You've got a great sense of awareness and perception, though!

You're not the type to look outwardly for the cause. Instead of blaming your parents or your family of origin, you see your own shortcomings.

This is truly remarkable!

The great Master Huineng said:

How can we ever think that our nature is anything but pure? How can we believe that our nature is anything but eternal? How can we imagine that our nature is anything but complete? How can we think that our nature is anything but unwavering? How can we ever believe that our nature is anything but capable of generating all phenomena?

Even though our original family might not be perfect, we are all inherently complete. When you believe that you are complete, no matter what your circumstances, you will never belittle yourself.

"The mind is free from external objects, and the state of mind changes with the mind." This is a great place to start if you want to be self-sufficient and realize your full potential. There are no outsiders in this world, only you! You get to decide what kind of life you want to lead in the future, what kind of person you want to become, and what state you want to be in.

The wonderful book "Four Lessons from Yuan Fan" says something really special: "You make your own destiny and seek your own blessings."

In this book, Yuan Liaofan shares some really valuable insights from his own experience. He tells us that fate is never set in stone and that everything has a cause and effect.

One of the things that really stuck with me from the "Four Lessons of Liao Fan" is the importance of recognizing our shortcomings and working to improve them. It's a crucial step in changing our fortunes and destinies.

As we grow and learn, we have the wonderful opportunity to continuously correct ourselves and eliminate the flaws in ourselves.

Yuan Huang was 69 years old when he wrote "The Four Lessons of Liao Fan." The book is divided into four parts: the study of destiny, the method of correcting one's faults, the way to accumulate good deeds, and the effect of a humble character. He uses his own personal experiences to explain how to cultivate the body and mind in reality, optimize life, and change the so-called fate.

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

You are acutely aware of the challenges you are currently facing.

You are concerned about causing distress to others, being teased or hurt. You avoid crowded places, have few friends, and rely on your parents. You are determined to secure a good job and leave your original family. You have done an excellent job, and I commend you.

In fact, you feel particularly insecure on an emotional level. You protect yourself by distancing yourself from others, by being alone. This is similar to your behavior as a child when you would isolate yourself during arguments between your parents, afraid to express your feelings and unable to bear it alone. This is an ineffective and helpless approach.

Due to feelings of insecurity, there is a fear of being hurt when getting close to others, which in turn leads to a reluctance to reveal oneself and express oneself freely. The concern is that being ignored, mocked, blamed, or teased could result in a victimization scenario, particularly when there is a perceived imbalance of power.

This is an unproductive use of your time and resources.

Take a moment to consider the benefits you have gained from this form of protection.

There is no need to expend a great deal of energy on socializing, and there is the opportunity to make improvements.

There is no obligation to communicate with your parents frequently, therefore you are not required to take on any of their negative emotions.

By limiting your social interactions and maintaining a certain degree of mystery, you may also avoid a considerable amount of avoidable complications.

It appears that you derive satisfaction from being pitied and helped.

It is analogous to a stray cat that is frequently fed and kept company by people. Despite its status as a stray, it experiences the warmth of others' assistance.

Indeed, you have already recognized the need for personal growth. Effective communication is essential in the workplace, and the team requires a specialist, not a jack-of-all-trades. You must possess a particular skill set that is unique and irreplaceable, allowing you to find your niche, add value, and contribute your strengths.

Failure to communicate may result in delays, hinder progress, and lead to misunderstandings.

Communication is an essential part of the job, and it can be approached with the same level of attention and dedication as any other task. With consistent practice, you will notice a noticeable improvement in your communication skills.

This can all be practiced.

In life, you have the option of being alone if you so choose. You have the freedom to make your own decisions. However, to fully benefit from the beauty of human relationships, you must learn to trust others, rely on them, and form mutually beneficial relationships.

Only then can you be seen and cared for in a reciprocal manner, rather than being helped in a one-way direction. Deep relationships are mutually supportive.

You are not the same person you were in the past. You are capable of protecting yourself and forming your own relationships.

Hello, I'm Coach Yu. Let's talk about this topic.

Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, said that all human worries come from relationships with others. People are afraid of being disliked and hurt, which can make them feel inferior.

The inferiority complex people feel is often not real. It's a subjective feeling. We don't like to communicate at work because we think we're not good at it and we're a burden to others.

So, problems with other people just show us who we really are.

After working for a few years, the questioner said they have been waiting to be assigned tasks, solving problems on their own, but not communicating their ideas in time. This has led to a dislike of work.

Ask yourself: What's the need inside you that's afraid of being seen as stupid? What's the need inside you that's afraid of causing trouble for others?

Ask yourself: What do you want? What do you enjoy?

Think back to your childhood. When you first started to walk or use chopsticks, did your mother stop you a lot because she was worried? As we get older, we worry about doing things wrong. This can make us feel insecure as adults.

Social phobia is not the same as introversion. It is a type of anxiety related to social interactions. People with social anxiety feel nervous, distracted, and tense.

People who are socially anxious think that others don't want to know them, so they avoid meeting up with them.

People with social anxiety are afraid of embarrassment and don't ask for help. They keep conversations short.

People who are socially anxious are afraid of being looked down upon. They rarely share personal information with strangers.

The questioner said it might be because they don't think their own affairs are worth mentioning. Maybe they don't want to share their private affairs because they have high emotional walls. They don't know what topics to talk about with others.

Most people with social anxiety dislike their shyness. They lack self-confidence in making a good impression on others.

Why are we afraid of being ignored and blamed in a crowd? Why are we afraid of being teased?

How do we feel when someone approaches us to chat? How do we feel when we chat with others?

Think about your childhood. When you asked for something, did your parents say yes?

When kids often get negative responses, they lack confidence and become anxious. This affects their social skills and relationships when they grow up.

Finally, let's talk about loving yourself. The questioner has good insights and clear values. So let's start by caring for ourselves, taking care of our bodies, and taking care of our feelings.

We can accept ourselves, recognize our strengths and weaknesses, and say to ourselves, "I love myself, even though I have shortcomings."

We can calm our nerves by saying "stop" and asking ourselves, "What am I worrying about? It's not true."

When we let go of our burdens and relax, we will treat others and ourselves with kindness. With a clear understanding of ourselves, we will not be influenced by others. We will face problems with calmness.

We can challenge ourselves with someone close, like a parent or sibling. We can start eye contact and make a simple, confident introduction. Sometimes, we can break a cycle by taking action. We must also realize that we have grown up. As Adler said, past experiences don't matter much. What matters is how we perceive and interpret them.

If this is bothering you, it's not easy to overcome it. Find a family member or friend you trust and talk to them. If you need help, you can also find a counselor.

We must empower ourselves. Asking for help is courageous. Discovering your value. When your core is strong, people are comfortable with you. You can express yourself with confidence.

Recommended book: The Courage to Be Disliked